He lied against something soft, pain radiating throughout his chest and nose. Something he didn't register wrong at first, as Nagini had torn into his throat and nowhere near his ribs or beak-like appendage. The venom had seeped into the afterlife with him, hadn't it? He hadn't expected death to leave him in the pain, but he assumed it was what he got for all the things in life that he had done. He had just hoped that he wasn't going somewhere to suffer and that he would just cease to exist instead.

It took Severus several minutes to accept his situation, so he was in the dark which is what he had expected of death but he could feel he was in pain. So much for wanting to just fall into darkness and never think again, he wanted that luxury of nothing. No more spying, no more being Dumbledore's toy or the Dark Lords slave, no more protecting Lily's son.

Fuck! He thought miserably to himself. Severus had done what he had needed to do. He had fulfilled his duty, he just wanted the grief to end, but life had other plans for him.

Severus jolted awake from his half-conscious state when two voices penetrated his ears causing him to wake. He knew those voices anywhere, one of them in particular, he hadn't heard in years. He rubbed at his eyes blearily, wondering what kind of hell he was in. He became aware of how uncomfortable his whole body felt, then a thought struck him. Why did he have a body if he was dead? He blinked a few times and stared down at his hands as his vision came into focus. Why were they so young..?

"Severus, you're awake!" his mother's shrill voice pierced through to him, and he looked up at her. She was rushing towards him, a bag in hand that he recognized as her potions sack. It was where she tended to store her potions and balms that wouldn't break easily, and could easily be hidden if his father went on a drunken rampage about magic. She never let him out in public if he got thrashed, which was rare for him, and made sure to have bruise balm on hand. She always told him it was for him, but he knew deep down most of it was for her. Her beast of a husband used words and physical violence to get his point across when he came home drunk, he hadn't come home sober in years.

This moment stood out to him, it seemed the only time his mother was shaken out of her stupor and wasn't more than a cold and empty woman. The last time he had seen her this awake with emotions and concern for him was when he was six or seven, his father hadn't always been the way he was but the booze had gotten to him when he had lost his job at the mill. That was when his reign of terror began, leaving his mother cold and Severus alone.

What didn't add up was that she was there, she had died a few years after the first fall of the Dark Lord. How was she here? They weren't in some afterlife were they? The woman behind her dissuaded the idea of that. It was their neighbour, and he distinctly remembered having tea with her the summer before the battle of Hogwarts. She had always been a grandmother to him during his years at Spinners End as a child, even the years leading up to his death, and as far as his knowledge went she was not dead. Mira was not a woman to drop dead so easily. So how had he ended up here? Of all places. He had only ever been taken to Mira's home if his mother wanted him away from his father. She didn't exactly approve of the older woman.

"What…" he started when his mother pushed him down against the couch he was on.

"Rest dear, you took quite the tumble. Broken nose and all," she said in a slight hiss, a warning to her tone.

That explained the pain in his face, but he was sure that he hadn't taken a tumble. It was as likely as his dad coming home a sober man. It still didn't explain how his mother was here, or how he had been beaten by his father. His father had died just right before his fifth year due to his disgusting habits and the way he lived.

He blinked suddenly, how old was he? He became disgruntled when his mother's finger lightly pressed on his nose, rocketing pain down his face.

"I think you'll have to use that miracle balm you have on his bruises for a bit, best to leave his nose alone," Mira spoke up from behind his mum. He looked up at her and was surprised to see how much she still looked like she was when he had last seen her. She accepted the way his mother and himself were queer ones of the neighbourhood. Didn't question the odd magical things his mother and he spouted. She was an odd muggle.

He stared a bit longer before concluding she aged well, and he had never realised before. Not that he had seen her much through the years, she practically dragged him out of his home to talk to her and 'join the living'. Which was something he didn't have much of in the summertime when he wasn't busy being a slave to Dumbledore and spy for the light. He complied to her, enjoying her company though he would never admit it.

"Yes, yes," his mother muttered to herself, opening up her bag pulling out the bruising balm he was so familiar with. She gently rubbed some in on his face where he most likely had dark bruises blossoming on his parchment coloured skin, not yet sullen. He sat silently letting her work as he slowly came to realise where he was. In the summer before his fourth year of Hogwarts his father had come home more vexed than usual, he had simply exploded when he had found Severus' transfiguration textbook laying on the table. He had proceeded to beat Severus with it until he had broken his nose. He probably wouldn't have stopped if it wasn't for his mother, who had intervened and coaxed the irritable drunk to the living room with a bottle of gin. He had blurred out the rest or had simply fallen unconscious before anything else had happened. He vaguely remembered staying with Mira for a few days. He only remembered this memory as best as he could because of his crooked nose, it was a constant reminder of it.

He was fourteen, how was he fourteen? He had a real physical body, he could feel the way it shivered when his mother lifted his shirt only to have sagged in relief when she moved to rub the balm on his chest. He sighed in relief as the pain began to ghost itself when he suddenly found himself rubbing his neck, he could feel it prickle with the phantom of Nagini's fangs sinking in.

He shuddered inwardly at the memory still clawings its way to the forefront of his mind. Telling him he had died, he had taken her fangs and given Harry what he needed and had found himself in the darkness he had longed for for many years. He hadn't even gotten that for that long, life had a cruel sense of humour, didn't it? Throwing him back into his lanky, bruised and battered teenage body.

"Thirsty?" Mira asked him, deciding to break the silence after watching the two of them, she didn't take an answer and left the room.

"Hmm," his mother hummed lightly at Mira's retreating form, "odd woman, she gave us a place in her heart, and we do the same?"

"Indeed," Severus agreed to get his mother to be quiet, still trying to make a lick of sense at the situation. His voice was scratchy, and he already missed his deep drawl. He didn't want to deal with a cracky teenage tongue.

His response seemed to satisfy his mum and she went back to carefully applying the balm on his bruised skin.

Severus sat silent as he pulled his thoughts together. He had died, albeit he was laying on Mira's couch recuperating from a beating he had gotten over a decade ago that he did not recall very well. Severus did not recollect many of the beatings he got, they were rare and violent. Neglect was what he usually got from his father. Most of it had been hidden in so many occlumency shields that he didn't need to remember. He could just pretend his childhood never happened, never left him bitter and resentful, or left a cruel and bitter man in its place.

He shook the thoughts away, he didn't need to wallow in self-pity or resentment. He had done enough of that in his lifetime. He had to figure out what he was going to do. He had to do something, why else was he here for? Something in him stirred at the thoughts. Of all people, here he was as a teenager with the memories of his life up until he died, the last thing he had seen was the boy's eyes. Lily's eyes.

He jerked suddenly at the thought of Lily. She was alive!

"Did I poke a bruise?" his mum questioned, unnerved by the look on her son's face as she stared at him coldly. She sniffed as if she was offended and pulled his shirt down, wrapping a blanket around him.

"No," Severus replied softly, deflated. He couldn't just go and run off to find her, he feared to see her again. He hadn't yet lost her friendship, he had said those things in their fifth year in a bout of anger. Severus had paid the price, but what he couldn't perceive was the apparent second chance he was getting. So he let himself stay blind for now.

"Here," said Mira as she appeared in the room, holding out a mug to Severus, "I thought you'd like a cuppa."

When he didn't immediately reply, his mother pinched his arm and gave him a sharp look. He coughed a little, his ears heating up in shame.

"Thank you," he mumbled as he held the mug in his hands, he sipped it and sat quietly. He needed to formulate a plan, though he knew he had days to think over it. He was sure his mother wasn't going to let him return home for a few days if his memories served correctly. He just had to wait those days out, and at the moment he had all the time in the world to just sit there and think.

Several days went by as he spent time with Mira. His mother promptly disappeared back to their own home and had only come back to retrieve him. She had stated that she had felt like it was the right time to come home and stop intruding on Mira's time.

Aside from the time he spent talking and having meals with the older woman, and the way she seemed to have an unlimited supply of ice packs for his swollen nose, he spent the rest of his time thinking.

"So Severus, what ya on wi lad? Fancy boarding school interestin'? What're you in, fourth year?" Mira questioned one night over turmeric soup.

Severus sat silently formulating a response. In the end, he ended up saying, "yes, it has been very well, thanks."

She gave him a knowing look which made him falter a bit, wondering what she knew. "I assume you sound as a pound, then?"

He nodded, letting the accent he had from childhood slip in so he didn't arouse too much suspicion in her, "as best as ye can be."

"There's the Severus I know," Mira smiled as he looked up at her, "thoughts that school drilled in their idea of proper speech into ya, can never be too proper can they?"

He blinked, a small smile cracking at his lips, "never can be too proper."

"That's barmy."

He spent the rest of his evening with her, remembering how content he could be in her presence. Even if he was spending the night on the couch again. This was the most peace he had felt in what seemed like years. He would take what he could get.

On the last day of his time with the older woman, he knew what he had to do. Though he loathed to say it, he was going to have to aid in the war again. He had quite a bit of experience in that department. Why else would he be here for? It was his speciality at this point. He wasn't about to lose Lily again. He vowed to himself that he wasn't going to let her perish in the first war as she had once before. He had protected her son as he had promised years ago, and he wasn't sure he was willing to relive those years again.

So he found himself wandering towards the park, he wasn't sure what he wanted to find there but he didn't have anywhere else to go. The second he had gotten home and freshened himself up with a needed shower, his mother had urged him to go outside. Saying that he needed to darken his complexion and go and find the Evans girl, and he knew she was only saying those things to get him out of the house. Severus had hoped maybe he could have lingered around her, but she had dissuaded that idea very quickly. He had managed to grab his wand before he left, he wouldn't be caught dead without it. It seemed his mother was back to her usual cold and distant self, her concern may have been real at Mira's but it had disappeared underneath her sea of indifference. She hadn't even commented on the way his nose was still swollen.

He rubbed his forehead, his eyes squinted, as the sun sat lazily in the sky glaring at him. He was unpleasantly reminded why he did not enjoy summer, he would rather be stalking around the dungeons where its air was frigid and damp. That was the kind of place he duelled, and the sun only proved it with contempt.

He stopped at his and Lily's tree, and carefully brushed his foot against one of the roots as he began to absentmindedly dig around. He remembered sobbing under it the night Lily died after he had seen her body, and he didn't wish to repeat that. Severus would rather find himself sitting under the tree and talking about their worries. Though, now his worries were much bigger and more serious.

He sighed softly, cricking his neck. He hadn't realised how bad his posture was. He was going to have to fix it again, maybe he could fix it before he saw Lily again. Severus was glad that he hadn't yet run into her. He wanted to be able to have himself collected before he saw her again. He didn't want to collapse into a blubbering mess, though he was confident that he could just occlude his emotions back behind an indifferent mask.

A tap to his shoulder brought him back to reality and he swivelled around, his wand out of his pocket before he could register what he was doing. He came face to face with the person he wanted to avoid more than anything. He gasped when he realised his wand was in her face and lowered it immediately.

"Hey!" Lily said, giving him a mock glare, "don't be such a paranoid berk! It is just me, Sev!"

Severus gaped at her, wondering how she had just appeared there. He hadn't seen her when he had been walking around, had she apparated there? It wasn't very likely, she didn't know how to apparate. Her eyes drew him in, the green piercing his very being and he didn't know what to say to her. He hadn't planned to run into her today.

"What?" she asked, confused, "somethin' in my hair?"

"No," he squeaked out, managing to get a hold of himself, "just haven't seen you in a while."

Lily pinched her face, her eyes flashing with several emotions, "that's what I was thinking…" she tethered off before her face changed to a slight panic, "Sev! What's happened to your nose?!"

Severus blinked again, unnerved by her concern, "I...well, I, I…"

She gasped, "oh no, your pa? I shoulda known, well it doesn't look too bad! Just a bit swollen!"

"Yeah…"

"Oh, c' mere," she said with a shake of her head and pulled him into a tight hug.

It took everything in him to not let the tears forming in his eyes spill, and it took him several deep breaths to clear them away. He was sure that would not have been enough if he hadn't occluded his emotions back.

Severus gave her a tight squeeze back, even if he knew that he normally would never have considered it.

She giggled, saying, "I see how much you missed me."

She had no idea, absolutely no idea. Merlin.

Lily let him go, and he reluctantly acquiesced. She gave him a grin and before he knew it they were both sitting down and chatting. The topics were so mundane and irrelevant, but he wouldn't have changed it for the world. He never took his eyes off her face, trying to memorize this moment forever. He didn't care how selfish it was, he hadn't seen her in years. What was he supposed to do? He wasn't about to give up his friendship so fast.

At first, he had feared that she would remember everything he had done. Ditch him, tell him off and go running into James Potters' arms before he could count to a hundred. Seeing her now, he wasn't sure what she was going to do. He practically had the future in his fingertips, he could mould it at will if he wanted to. That excited him, but he knew he had to be the bigger person if he wanted true change. Though he might slip more hexes the Marauders way…

"So," Lily started at some point, "have you gotten a yes yet?"

This stumped Severus, and he gave her a raised eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"You can't have forgotten already!" she said with shrill, "asking about coming on holiday with us! You haven't forgotten to ask, have you?"

"I- erm…"

"Severus Snape! I barely convinced my parents to get you into this, you are not backing out now! You told me you've never seen the ocean!"

It clicked in his mind, and realisation dawned. He had been dragged on holiday with Lily and her family to the beach. She had practically dragged him into it because he had confessed to her he had never seen the vastness of the sea, and expressed how one day he would want to. Lily had set her mind to convincing the Evans that Severus was a deprived soul and he needed to come on their holiday. When they had relented and agreed he could go, Lily hadn't taken no for an answer from him.

Severus felt his ears warm from the embarrassment he didn't know he had. "Sorry," he relented, a smirk playing on his lips, "I guess you'll have to go without me then."

"Oh no!" she retorted, "you are not getting out of this unless your mum herself says no, you're going to ask whether you want to or not. Besides, it is next week. It isn't like it is happening tomorrow!"

"Hmph," he sniffed, though he already knew what his decision would be, "fine, I'll ask her and I will tell you tomorrow, happy?"

Lily beamed, "you better, or I'll strangle you."

Severus let out a snort, the best imitation of a laugh he had. To hell with his plans for turning the tide of the war, he could spend a weekend with the Evans. He could be selfish. Besides, what would one weekend do?

hey, this is the first fanfiction I have posted on here. Feel free to review and critique how you desire. I do not own or make money off of anything I write. Warning again, there is going to harsh language and mention of abuse. Maybe romance, I haven't decided yet. I am going to try and update once a week. I am sorry that i am just bringing another story that has been rewritten quite a few times, but I was bursting with this idea for months. I take a lot of inspiration from a lot of fanfiction I have read about Snape and the way I perceive him.