Author's Note:

I live, more or less. ^^;

This story takes place during the first season of the show, and it also takes place during my own "Open a New Door" verse (ie, Samesville is mentioned, Kaeloo is much older than she lets on and has a major Peter Pan complex, etc). In fact, it was the "Edge of Seventeen" chapter in that fic that inspired me to write this in the first place. At the end of that chapter, upon finding Smileyland, she declares to Stumpy and Quack Quack that the very first rule is that there will be no romance, EVER! Of course the irony in that scene is that when Kaeloo is telling this story, all three of them have broken that rule. But after writing and posting the story, I got to thinking that Stumpy broke the rule relatively early in the show's run. Kaeloo certainly would have not reacted well to his relationship with Ursula, given how I'd established her character in my own fanon. So I felt this little fic was necessary to fill in that gap.

I'll be honest: I haven't really been much in the writing mood lately, or even really a mood for fandom in general. I kind of feel like I'm just writing the same story over and over again, that I'm a bit of a one-trick pony. I haven't really been happy with anything I've written lately, this fic included. But I also feel like writing is one of the only things I'm sort of good at, so if I'm not writing, my brain convinces me that I'm not living up to my potential and am just a lazy, worthless waste of space. In short, I'm not happy with my writing right now, but I'm also not happy with myself if I don't write. I've kind of put myself in a lose/lose situation lol

This fic is pretty short and simple, and unfortunately it's all I've got right now, but I hope you find it interesting regardless. Thanks for reading (and thanks to Randomness Unlimited for being my beta-reader again)! :)

…

In truth, Kaeloo couldn't really be angry at Stumpy right then. After all, for what he was wanting to do, he was going about it in a way that was, dare we say it, responsible. He could just as easily have "forgotten" about the rule until long after he'd broken it. In fact, that would have been a very Stumpy-like thing to do. If anything, Kaeloo should have been praising Stumpy for bringing this request to her before taking any action.

And yet, the request itself was one that was so objectionable to Kaeloo, so repugnant, that she gripped the sides of the desk in her makeshift "office" so tightly that the wood began to splinter. Stumpy, seated meekly in front of her, twitched a bit at the scene, knowing that the durability of the desk was likely the only thing keeping Kaeloo from transforming right then and there.

"You…" Kaeloo took a deep breath, quickly chugged a swig of water from a glass on her desk, and turned back to Stumpy, now with only one hand gripping her desk. "You want to what?"

Stumpy, his eyes wide and his pupils miniscule, also gulped loudly, although his was filled with nothing but nervousness. Still, though, when he spoke, it was with conviction, albeit nervous and respectful conviction. "I want to ask Ursula to be my girlfriend."

So Kaeloo hadn't heard wrong.

She barked out a harsh, sudden laugh, her grip on the desk loosening slightly yet still not releasing completely. "You know that's not possible, Stumpy. You—"

"Of course it's possible!" Stumpy interrupted. "Not only have I finally found the girl of my dreams, but she likes me back, too! We spend hours chatting on instant messenger. We have so much in common. She makes me happy, and I make her happy too. You can't prevent us from being together! YOU CAN'T, YOU TYRANT!"

"STUMPY!" Kaeloo shouted, somehow managing to silence him. "I didn't mean that it's impossible that you found a girl who likes you. I meant that it's impossible because it's against the rules!"

"I know it's against the rules—and that's why I'm here, to ask you to make an exception!" Stumpy jutted out his lower jaw and widened his eyes in an attempt to look endearing. "Pleeeeeeeease?"

"It's against the rules for a very good reason, Stumpy!" Kaeloo insisted, shaking her head. "No, no, no. My answer is no. Thank you for asking me before making any decisions, but the answer is still no."

"You haven't even let me make my case!" Stumpy argued.

"There's no case to make! Romantic entanglements always end in despair. And there is no place for despair in Smileyland."

"If romantic entanglements always end in despair, then explain why your parents are still together!"

Kaeloo faltered, not having a clear answer to that. "They—they're—they're the exception to the rule!" she finally stammered out. "And besides, they live in Samesville. There's no rule against romance there."

"The only reason there's one here is because YOU made it!"

"I made it for a reason, Stumpy!"

"Okay, fine!" Stumpy abruptly stood up, a dark scowl on his face. "Then maybe I'll go to a place that doesn't have all your stupid rules! I'll go back to Samesville and ask Ursula to be my girlfriend there!"

"There are still rules in Samesville, Stumpy," Kaeloo sighed impatiently. "Your parents surely won't allow you to date at your age."

"Why not?" Stumpy countered. "They let my little sister date!"

"You don't have a sister…" Kaeloo pressed a weary and frustrated hand against her face and breathed heavily, trying her best to not only keep herself from growing angry, but also to find a way to better explain this to Stumpy. "I made that rule for a very good reason, Stumpy. It's not there just to annoy you."

"That's hard to believe."

"Stumpy…" Kaeloo finally released her grip on the desk and removed her other hand from her face. "Let's… forget, for the time being, that here in Smileyland I'm the same age as you. Because you know, actually…" Kaeloo paused uneasily, unwilling to admit the truth even though it was prudent to do so at this moment. Finally, with great effort, she admitted, "I'm quite a bit older than you." She exhaled roughly, the veracity of her statement too severe to brush aside. "I have more life experience than you. I've been in your shoes before, many times. So I can tell you with absolute certainty that this won't work out. It never does. You think someone is perfect, and then they just…" Her eyes fell to the floor desolately. "Hurt you."

"Yeah, yeah, I know you've had rotten luck in the romance department," Stumpy said bluntly. "But just because you've had bad experiences doesn't mean you should stop other people from having their own bad experiences."

"I just don't want you to get hurt, Stumpy!" Kaeloo pleaded.

"I won't get hurt!"

"You don't know that! It's better to play it safe!"

"No, it's not!" Now Stumpy was the one suddenly gripping the desk, leaning into it and towards Kaeloo, his passionate defense emboldening him. "Because you know what would really hurt me right now? You know what would make me feel worse than anything Ursula could do to me? The feeling of never knowing! If I was just left here all on my own, wondering what could have been—I would be the saddest I've ever been!" He stepped back, his eyes suddenly wide and vulnerable, and Kaeloo gulped guiltily at the sight. "She makes me happy. I was never this happy before I met her. I just want her to know that."

Kaeloo didn't know what to say to that.

"Wouldn't you want that?" Stumpy continued. "If you really cared about someone, wouldn't you want them to know?"

After a long while, Kaeloo nodded. "Yes… I suppose so."

"Of course. So…" Stumpy sat back down in his chair, grinning expectantly. "You'll let me ask her to be my girlfriend?"

Kaeloo faltered. "Erm… Stumpy… you met her online, correct?"

"Yes."

"You know people can very easily lie about themselves online, don't you?"

"Well, duh." Stumpy laughed dissonantly at that. "I've already lied about myself a lot!"

Kaeloo sighed again, although she knew that this admission could be worked to her advantage. "So you realize, knowing first-hand how easy it is to lie to her, how easily she could be lying to you?"

"Sure." Stumpy shrugged, oddly unaffected by this. "But there's stuff like her fanart and fanfic for Mr. Coolskin that can't be faked. I know that's real, and that's really good. And I can tell who she really is through that."

"She… writes fanfic? About the comic book you like?"

"Yeah!" Stumpy grinned. "It's really good, too! You can tell she really gets the character of Mr. Coolskin!"

Kaeloo held her tongue; in her estimation, writing fanfic wasn't really anything to be proud of. Then again, if this was how Stumpy was understanding Ursula's personal character, perhaps it was something worth looking into. "Can you show me some of her works?" she asked. "Fanart to start, I don't have the time to read fanfic right now, and I don't really know much about Mr. Coolskin to know if it would be any good or not anyway…"

"Sure!" Stumpy pulled out his cellphone and quickly pulled up his messaging app. "She just sent me this one today. She colored it on the computer!" He held his phone outwards so that Kaeloo could get a better look.

Kaeloo carefully examined the image. She had to admit, it was pretty good. Mr. Coolskin was in a dramatic pose and Ursula, assuming she was even a real person, seemed to have a good grasp on proportions and anatomy. The coloring was simple, yet bold. It clearly wasn't an official image, but it still was rather impressive. Nice to look at.

"May I have your phone?" Kaeloo asked Stumpy.

"Yeah, sure." Stumpy relinquished it.

Kaeloo held the phone closer to her face, taking in more of the details of the drawing. "I have to admit, this is pretty good," she said aloud to Stumpy. "She makes the character really pop out of the screen, so to speak." She scrolled upwards in search of more artwork. "This one is good too. Even though it's colored with traditional crayons, there's still a similar liveliness to the character."

"Oh, I drew that one," Stumpy said, peering over Kaeloo's shoulder.

Kaeloo was so surprised that she nearly dropped the phone. "You?!" She had seen Stumpy's artwork before, and clearly remembered how sloppy and unprofessional it had been… And yet, upon taking a closer look at the messaging app, she could see that this particular drawing had, in fact, been sent by Stumpy. The artwork they had played at before had been more classically inspired, Kaeloo reasoned… Stumpy hadn't been very good at that, but perhaps when drawing in a bolder, more cartoony style, his results were better.

"Yeah, pretty cool, huh?" Stumpy grinned. "Ursula really liked it too! Read for yourself!"

"If I have your permission, then…" Kaeloo began to scroll through the string of text messages.

ursula556: wow, this is awesome!

stumpycoolskin4life: haha yeah

stumpycoolskin4life: thanks

stumpycoolskin4life: i drew it in only like 5 mins

ursula556: no need to brag lol

ursula556: I actually did one too. Here it is

stumpycoolskin4life: OMG

stumpycoolskin4life: SO COOL

stumpycoolskin4life: just like in panel 3 page 5 of the newest comic!

ursula556: omg yaaaaaass

ursula556: I knew you would get it :)

stumpycoolskin4life: well duh, it's only the BEST scene in the story!

stumpycoolskin4life: when he's about to fry all the aliens and says "you picked the wrong day to mess with me, punks!"

ursula556: yeah!

ursula556: And even without his super hydro rocket launcher he still handled them all LIKE A BOSS

stumpycoolskin4life: EXACTLY!

ursula556: I'm so glad you like it XD

ursula556: I don't really have any friends who even like Mr. Coolskin at all so I'm really glad I found you

stumpycoolskin4life: yeah I don't either. You're the only one I know who really gets it.

ursula556: yeah

ursula556: thanks for being my friend

The conversation ended there. Kaeloo regarded the conversation carefully, glancing through it again. "It certainly seems like you have a lot in common," she said.

"Sort of." Stumpy took his phone back from Kaeloo. "She's a lot smarter than me, though. And a lot nicer. And a lot prettier than me, probably."

"You don't know what she looks like?"

"Nah. She said her mom won't let her send her picture."

"Well, that's very smart of her mom. I hope you haven't sent her your picture."

"No, of course not."

Kaeloo sighed in relief. "I'm glad to hear—"

"I haven't been able to edit a picture of me to make me look good yet," Stumpy continued.

This time Kaeloo's sigh was one of exasperation. "You shouldn't lie to her, Stumpy."

"You said people lie online all the time!"

"Yes—but I didn't say that was a good thing!"

"I'm going to do whatever I can to get this right," Stumpy said resolutely. "Even if I have to lie. I want her to like me just as much as I like her. I don't want to mess this up."

Kaeloo held back the chastisement on the tip of her tongue, the desperation in Stumpy's eyes enough to kill the rebuke before it even had a chance to be said. Stumpy might not be going about this in the most honest, right way, but she had to admit that his feelings were definitely honest.

And, furthermore… while it was of course hard to be one hundred percent sure, this Ursula seemed to be honest, too. There were no obvious red flags jumping out to Kaeloo. There was no reason to doubt she was who she said she was. If Stumpy was careful about how he went about this, then this did indeed seem like an acceptable bending of the rules.

And Kaeloo frowned.

"Stumpy… you have made a very good case… but please understand that there are rules, and if I slack them for you, then suddenly I'll have to slack them for everyone, and then, what's the point of having rules at all?"

To Kaeloo's surprise, Stumpy just laughed at that. "Come on, Kaeloo, this rule was going to be broken eventually anyway. Look at Quack Quack and Mr. Cat!"

Kaeloo frowned, confused. "What about them?"

"Look at them! They're chick magnets!"

Kaeloo felt a little uncomfortable at the assertion, even though it wasn't directed at her. "I'm a… 'chick'," she reminded Stumpy.

"Yeah, and you've also been so badly burned by men that you'll never fall into that trap again, I know," Stumpy continued lightly, taking little notice of Kaeloo's obvious distress. "But other girls are going to find their way here, and they're going to be all over those two, seriously. And if Quack Quack finds a girl he likes? He's just going to date her. He won't really care what you say. And Mr. Cat? He'll make it obvious! He'll rub it in your face!"

"Alright, alright, I get it!" Kaeloo rubbed between her eyes. The uncomfortable realization that she couldn't control her friends to the degree that she wanted (although it was for their own good, of course!) was one that she didn't want to dwell on at that moment. "I will allow, just this once, for you to pursue a more intimate relationship with Ursula. But I will also make it clear to Quack Quack and Mr. Cat that I am making an exception for you, and that the rule is still in place!"

"You think they'll care about that?" Stumpy was grinning, though, and his smile didn't leave his face as he turned his attention back to his phone, turning and walking out of the "office".

"What are you doing?" Kaeloo asked him.

"Trying to find a good picture of me to edit and send to Ursula!"

Kaeloo groaned, wearily sinking back into her chair. "Just leave before I change my mind…"

Stumpy's eyes grew wide. "Oh shoot. I don't want that. Bye!" And with that he scurried off…

…but before leaving the room entirely, he suddenly stopped and turned back to face Kaeloo, a genuinely happy, grateful grin stretched across his face. "And thank you!"

Kaeloo had honestly not been expecting thanks, so his words flustered her for a few seconds. "Uh… don't mention it, Stumpy," she finally said, a small smile of her own accompanying the words.

"No, really! Thank you! And who knows, if things go well between me and Ursula, you might change the rule permanently, not just for me, but for Quack Quack, Mr. Cat… and you!" And with that, he turned again and scampered off, leaving Kaeloo to herself.

Kaeloo's smile faded slightly. Change the rules? What a horrible thought! The rules of Smileyland were perfect, in place for the good of all, and to change them would amount to admitting that she was wrong about something. It was hopefully a moot point, she rationalized, because she was certain that Stumpy had been mistaken about Quack Quack and Mr. Cat being "chick magnets". They would not have any need to break this particular rule.

…oh, who was she kidding? If anything, Stumpy had been the last of her friends Kaeloo had expected to find a significant other, and now that he'd done so, the other two couldn't be far behind. There was no doubt in her mind how Quack Quack would act if he became enamored with someone… he'd be so happy and joyous and sweet, and how could Kaeloo say no to Quack Quack? And regarding Mr. Cat, it didn't matter in the slightest what she said to him, he'd do whatever he wanted anyway. To her horror, she could already see this rule, her very first rule, her most important rule, crumbling to the ground and imploding.

She rubbed at her forehead again.

"Rules are almost more trouble than they're worth…"