Three weeks of sleeping in the palace in Bright Moon had not softened the volume of the silence for Catra. Growing up in the Fright Zone meant machines whirring and humming, boots stomping across metal, drills echoing through the halls at random times. The ringing quiet of the palace was too much at times, warring with her nightmares for the main reason she stayed exhausted. Well, those reasons and a healthy dose of "I don't deserve to even be here" that would flit across her mind at random. Moments like when Adora would give her a look out of the corner of her eye, and that one side of her mouth tugged up into that self-satisfied little grin Catra loathed (loved). Or when Bow would burst into their room at daybreak, slinging plates of eggs and potatoes at them, laughing about how they'd missed breakfast – again.

But the worst moment for her so far was when she accidentally walked into a room where Glimmer and Micah were hugging in front of a statue of Angella... a person Catra herself had inadvertently murdered. Being kept on Horde Prime's ship together had changed a lot of the way Catra saw Glimmer as a person, and she absolutely understood how Adora had befriended her. She saw how Adora could love the princess. And yikes, how that had hurt.

She'd never deserved Adora for a moment in their lives, even before the sword and everything that followed it, sucking up Catra's life like quicksand. She never deserved that kindness, that understanding, that absolute refusal to leave her side no matter what Catra had done.

It was a heaviness that she wasn't sure would ever fade to allow her to breathe again. If she ever even breathed at all.

A loud snore shook her from her pit of reflection, making her ears and tail twitch where she was curled up against a sleeping Adora. The shifting of her ears tickled the skin under the taller girl's chin. The soft smile Adora made in her sleep, and the nuzzle she gave Catra made her heart break even more.

What am I doing here? What are we doing here?

"Idiot." The word came out more like a whispered prayer than insult, the fondness contained within the utterance was enough to make Catra roll her eyes at herself. Like so many times before, she pushed closer to Adora to absorb the warmth that exuded from the only light that had ever chased away her own darkness. Then Adora's breathing changed.

"Your idiot." Catra startled at the reply, having believed Adora to be well under. But the hand that began to stroke down her upper arm fur told her that her... girlfriend? They really needed to sort that... was awake now.

Catra chose not to answer verbally, only burying her face further into Adora's neck, inhaling her salty scent deeply, trying to contain the purr igniting in her chest as a result of the slow, lethargic movements of Adora's palm on her fur. The subtle tightening of her grip on Adora's waist made the warrior shift towards her.

"Are you all right?" The whisper ruffled the tiny hairs on the top of Catra's head, and the soft kiss planted there after Adora asked made tears rise in Catra's eyes.

"I'm fine, princess. Cats are nocturnal; you know that." Catra gave a light scoff, and then bit her lip as the hand stroking her bicep stilled, indicating her lie hadn't worked.

Adora moved away just enough that she could gently roll Catra onto her back so that she could see her face, reaching up to cradle her jaw. "Tell me? Please?"

Catra pursed her lips and sighed, looking away from the earnest look aimed in her direction. If she held those silver eyes for longer than five seconds, every resolve she ever had crumbled like it was made of dust all along. No, that wasn't right. That had been what it was like as kids; but ever since their kissing became a regular occurrence, Catra's defense against those eyes was non-existent.

A brief internal struggle followed the question, because a part of her did want to confide, but the bigger part of her was belittling herself for waking Adora up with her melancholy bullshit. The galling part of that particular voice inside her head was that it belonged not to herself, but to Shadow Weaver.

Catra pulled away from the cuddle, then sat up in the bed to pull her knees to her chest and wrap her arms and tail around herself. "It's stupid. I should sleep somewhere else. I keep waking you up with my shit every night."

Adora also pushed herself upright in bed, folding her long legs beneath herself and keeping a small amount of distance between them. Just enough that if Catra wanted to leave, she could; but if she wanted to come back, she could do that, too. Perfect. Always perfect, her Adora.

"I mean." Adora started roughly, her voice thick with sleep, then cleared her throat to continue. "I disagree, but you know that."

Catra scoffed lightly, but didn't turn her scowl towards Adora. She didn't deserve it. "I'm okay, Adora. Go back to sleep."

"Not until you do."

Catra gave a low hiss at the stubborn woman, but it lacked any real heat. "You have stuff to do tomorrow. Today. Whatever." A firm flick of the end of her tail gave away her irritation at that, too: Adora belonged to everyone else, too, because she was She-Ra. There would always be another mission, another threat, another life or planet to save.

And while she admired She-Ra... she wanted Adora to herself. Hers.

"Nothing that is more important than this." Adora edged closer cautiously, propping her elbow on one knee to cradle her chin as she studied Catra. "Is it the dreams?"

Catra gave a stiff nod, unwilling to say anything lest her voice crack as she did so. It wasn't a complete lie, and it didn't bring up her feelings about Bright Moon, or the princesses being too fucking nice to her, or Scorpia being happy to see her again. It didn't cover the fact that she felt like a thief lying next to Adora at night, taking something from some unknown stranger that would deserve the woman more than she ever could. The dreams, for what terror the memories gave now, were a safe subject. A known problem.

"...can I hold you?"

The question makes Catra's chest tighter, hating that her first line of defense is to pull away when it's clear it hurts Adora every time she does. But she's working on it. If she weren't, she wouldn't be here at all. As it is, she is fighting everything inside of her to get out of bed and leave the room, if only so she can breathe again without Adora hearing how quickly it would come. So she wouldn't realize the panic shredding her apart from the inside when she nods again, and that damnable warmth settles once more against her side. Strong arms envelope her, and she immediately melts into the embrace because that's what Adora does for her. She gives her reassurance and comfort, sanctuary like no four walls could ever give. She provides all of that strength and stability that she thought she had lost those few years ago when that fucking sword found Adora.

Before She-Ra.

Sobs are quaking through her before she realizes the trembling isn't Adora, but her own body. Her hands are clutching the cloth of Adora's tank top over her shoulder blades, and Catra has enough mind to keep her claws tucked away even when her instincts want to dig them in deeply just so her foundation remains under her. So Adora doesn't disappear again. Her nightmares remind her often enough of how easily they can tear into Adora's soft flesh. Catra remembers vividly the smell of her blood, and the sense of satisfaction that she had finally made Adora hurt like she had, and left Adora permanent reminders of it, the way Catra would never forget.

The memory made her gag under her sobs, and she tore away from Adora to fly into bathroom, where she emptied what little she'd eaten for dinner into the toilet. How she had ever been that person full of so much hate for the best thing in her life, she couldn't understand now. Not when she also remembered Adora begging her over and over to come with her, let her show her a better life than they'd had in the Horde.

Pride. All of that fucking pride.

Catra heaved again so hard it hurt, but nothing was coming out. The air in the room changed as Adora entered it, still almost physically shining with that fucking heat. Catra could feel it before Adora was kneeling on the floor beside her, slipping a hand under her tank top and rubbing a soothing hand between Catra's tensed shoulder blades. After a few minutes of the soft caresses, Catra could feel her heart rate slowing, the gut heaves easing back.

"That's it," Adora encouraged in a low tone. "Breathe, my love. Just breathe."

Catra drew in deep breaths and tried to release them slowly, the way Adora had coached her when this happened the few times before. The fingers combing slowly through her fur on her back was a magic all its own, and she wondered if Adora realized she didn't need She-Ra to be a big fucking hero. She had always been Catra's big fucking hero, and it was because of stuff like this. Times where she would rip out someone's eyes for seeing her weak.

"That's why it hurt." She whispered the words when she'd caught her breath, trying to keep her face turned away from Adora not only for a protective wall, but to save her the scent of regurgitated fish, too. The hand on her back slid down and around her waist, pulling her back to Adora's front. "You left, and I lost my shit even more than I already had because of Shadow Weaver. I – I did things, Adora. Stuff you know. Stuff you don't."

"I don't care." The arms around her middle squeezed lightly, molding them together on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet. "You're not that person, Catra. You never were. And you were the last one of us to realize it." A gentle placement of lips on the nape of her neck made her swell again inside.

Hot, fresh tears traveled cold roads, and Catra closed her eyes against them. "You really want to know why I'm so fucked up right now?"

"I'll always listen when you're willing to talk."

Catra extracted herself from the hold, using the edge of the sink to pull herself to her feet. She leaned over the basin, unwilling to look at her reflection in the mirror on the wall above it. "Stop saying shit like that. It makes it worse, sometimes."

"I'm sorry, that's not what I – I only mean that –."

"Shut up," Catra groaned, running a hand down her face before turning on a faucet to rinse her mouth. "I know what you meant. I'm just..." She scooped some water into her mouth and swished it around, spitting it out and watching it go down the drain. "I'm trying to tell you that the sincerity kills me."

"Why?"

She was so earnest. So curious. So eager to know how Catra worked. No one else had ever made the effort with her that Adora had. "I don't deserve it."

"Look at me, Catra." It wasn't necessarily a demand, but it wasn't a request, either.

Her ears flattened against her short mane, and her tail came up to curl around her midriff as she slowly turned around and leaned against the counter, forcing her eyes up to meet steel head on. There was a fierceness glinting back at her in the soft lamp light that made the hair on the back of her neck raise, and she felt her tail slightly poof but she ignored it in favor of not breaking her gaze. Suddenly there was a different sort of rock in her gut, one she didn't have a name for, but one she'd only experienced with Adora, and usually only after they'd been kissing for a time.

"I think you need to sit down for what I'm going to say. It might take a while." It was direct, and the slight shimmer of bright blue behind Adora's normal silver was alarming. If her emotions were high enough to invoke She-Ra, then what she had to say certainly warranted Catra's full attention.

This is where she finally tells you she can't handle the mood swings. The nightmares. The crying. This where she tells you are too broken to be fixed. This is where you lose her for good.

The hiss of Shadow Weaver's voice crossed her mind as she studied the intensity of Adora's glare, and she internally shook herself out of it. She fought back against the old woman's ghost.

No, not Adora. She loves me. Something you would never know anything about.

"Fine." She stared at Adora with a carefully constructed expression of unaffected boredom, as if she hadn't just been a sobbing mess, and made a gesture with her right hand. "Are you going to let me out of the bathroom?"

Adora took two steps back, allowing Catra to pass through the door first before following her back into their bedroom. Their bedroom. The thought was still jarring, after more than two years alone in a bunk when she deigned to sleep. When she stopped and turned around to look at Adora, she couldn't even muster up her trademark smirk under the heat. She merely followed the single finger pointing in the direction of their bed – again, another combination of words that made Catra's tail twitch. Once she'd perched on the edge, she gave a sweeping motion with her hand for her dramatic... girlfriend?... to go on with what she was saying.

To her credit, Adora didn't immediately go off, but tucked her hands behind her back and started pacing. She finally turned that laser sharp look at something else, and Catra felt herself relax a bit, but then it was back, and then gone again. She kept shooting glances at her as she went to and fro, and finally after a solid minute of silent, frustrated pacing, Catra couldn't stop her outburst.

"Spit it out already, Adora! I'm not getting any younger."

"I'm trying to figure out where to start," Adora snapped back with her upper lip curled. "There's a lot, okay? We have so much... we are so much. I don't understand how you can compartmentalize that into 'deserve', 'don't deserve'." She used air quotes on the words. "If anything, we were both manipulated and poisoned and groomed from infancy. We never knew anything else thanks to Shadow Weaver and Hordak. Do you know how shocked I was when I saw my first horse, for crying out loud?" She ran a hand through her hair angrily, gnawing her bottom lip. "Something so insignificant, but it wasn't. It was confirmation that everything I saw was true. The Horde was never what I thought it was, and I couldn't go back to that. I never meant to leave you. I always wanted you with me, with the Rebellion, where you belonged."

Catra bit back her impulse to deny the words, growling lowly in her chest instead to show her disagreement. She'd had plenty of chances to defect, and she didn't. She chose to go back to that nightmare every time because she believed it was what she deserved. It only served to make her angrier. Anger at Adora for leaving her there to rot alone with Shadow Weaver, anger at Shadow Weaver for making her stalk Adora when all she'd wanted was to continue to lie to herself that she didn't need her and wanted to forget her. Now, she knew that the root of the anger was at herself. Because despite what Shadow Weaver made her believe, she was never inferior to Adora. They were equals, partners, and everyone but Catra had always seen them as such... all because that old hag was a jealous, bitter bitch.

"You're the strongest person I know, Catra. You've been through hell and you're standing here, on the right side, at the end of it all. You could have taken the easy route like you always pretended to do, but we both know that you're far too stubborn to glide through life. You love the challenge and the thrill. We have that in common, and we always have. Always will." Adora stopped pacing and came to stand in front of Catra, tilting her face up. "You and me? End game. Shadow Weaver is dead. Stop letting her control your thoughts, Catra. You're your own person, and you're the person I love the most in the world. My best friend, the woman who has my whole heart. I don't give a damn if you think you don't deserve it. It's my flipping heart, and you don't get to tell me how to feel!"

Catra didn't know what else to say to that, because the dam in her chest was about to shatter and drown them both in a fresh bout of tears. The sight of Adora standing above her was already blurry with the standing water over her eyes. So she said the first thing that came to mind.

"Just say 'fuck', Adora," she croaked around the lump in her throat. "Your 'flipping' heart is in good hands, I promise."

Adora gave her a small smile that made butterflies erupt in Catra's belly. "I can't say that. It's your word. And... I know. I trust you, Catra. And so do our friends. Please start trusting yourself."

Catra swallowed hard as the words hit home, her eyes sliding closed as Adora caressed her jaw. This fucking woman. This fucking feeling she caused inside of her, the flurry of storm clouds that blocked her cognition. Because after everything Adora said, all Catra wanted was to kiss her. End game, she said. End game got kisses, right?

"Just..." Her voice died in her throat, but she reached up to pull Adora down by the front of her shirt, meeting her mouth with hers. She tried to convey her thanks through the kiss, giving her whatever tenderness she could, but withholding the ferocity under the surface. Adora gave what she got, never pushing Catra any further than she was comfortable, letting her lead this particular kiss. The knowledge of it didn't help the conflagration beneath her skin. It only fanned the flames.

Such a violent confluence of emotion was dangerous, she knew that. And they hadn't talked about... well, anything but their issues, really. The anger, the resentment, the abandonment. It had all had a chance to be in the spotlight, but this conversation had the most impact against the voices in Catra's head. It wasn't a question of what she deserved. Adora had chosen her. Chosen her to be by her side every day, chosen her to steal kisses like this when they thought no one was looking. She'd chosen her to guard her heart, to love her as completely as she loved her.

Because Catra knew Adora didn't do half-assed. She was all or nothing. That had never changed. Adora had never changed. She had only become more perfect in what she had always been. Catra hadn't been able to accept it for so long because it would mean she was wrong. But she admitted freely and loudly now: she had been so fucking wrong. One of the worst parts about it was she knew that they could have had this sooner. It could have been right instead of wrong.

But it's right now.

Adora was slowly pushing Catra down onto her back, bracing herself on her hands planted on the mattress. She went more willingly this time than any before when Adora tried to steer the making out. Because the insistent tugs at her bottom lip was sealing the cracks in her chest and cooling the anger behind her eyes, releasing the tension in her shoulders to replace it with a different coil of muscle low in her gut. The one she couldn't name, but knew was directly connected to being alone with Adora.

She shifted further back without pulling away, and Adora chased the kiss with one hand still on her face, thumb stroking the tuft of fur at the corner of her jaw. At the next break for air, Catra couldn't stop the chuckle from tumbling through her purring. Adora only pressed their foreheads together and made a questioning hum, not truly asking but still curious as to what was funny.

"You touch my face a lot." It was true. Adora almost constantly reached for her jaw, no matter where they were or what they were doing. It wasn't exactly a new thing, but it was something that hadn't happened as much when they were growing up. But since... everything... Adora took every opportunity she had, as if she were confirming for herself that Catra was real, over and over again.

Adora pushed herself up so that she straddled across Catra's lap, and the wind in her lungs was sucked out at the sight. It made the feeling in her stomach worse, in a very... good?... way. Her hair tousled over her shoulders; the tank top wrinkled from Catra's fist that was riding up Adora's torso, showing the ripples if muscle beneath; long, toned thighs on either side of her hips, slightly squeezing to keep Adora anchored. Catra's mouth watered, and she swallowed hard, any other smart ass remarks flying out of her mind at the sight of her... okay, fuck it, her girlfriend in that state.

"You have a good face." Adora's voice was slightly slurred, like she had been drinking, but Catra knew better. She was punch drunk on their kisses, just like she was, but the knowledge didn't relieve the humor.

Catra gave a burst of laughter, shaking her head in amazement. "Well spoken, as always."

"What?" Adora protested in a wounded tone, but they both knew it was all for show. "It's true!" She leaned back over Catra, her weight settling on their hips as Adora readjusted herself to lie atop her, tangling their legs just so. "It's so... kissable."

The swooping feeling in her belly was nothing compared to the heat on her face, so she was thankful that Adora couldn't see because they were kissing again. But this time, Adora did something new when their tongues met. She pressed her hips down into Catra's thigh wedged between hers and rocked. The motion resulted in lightning striking through Catra when Adora's thigh bore down on her already slightly stimulated sex, and a gasp was lost in the deep kiss they shared.

Despite the dire threats of severe punishment, Hordak had never quite managed to squash sexuality among his soldiers. There was always trysts, vids of trysts, or the accidental walk in on someone's "alone time". So while the concept of sex wasn't lost on Catra completely, it wasn't something she'd ever given much thought, either. There was experimenting with herself, but that was about the end of it. It never came to much, and she never really looked at someone and thought... No. Catra had to be honest with herself. There was one person. But it was just because it was Adora she trusted most not to rat her out to Shadow Weaver, or so she'd told herself then.

Now... she knew better.

Her hips were moving back against Adora without her permission. Her heart was hammering in her chest like she had been running for hours, a sensation with which that her entire body throbbed in perfect harmony. That ghost of a feeling she had managed to incite in herself when she'd tried it so long ago, was now a corporeal beast in her chest, clawing its way out of her with a howl of need. This was good, it was so, so fucking good... but she wanted more. Skin. Salt.

Catra's hands that had been gripping Adora's flexed triceps moved down her sides to her thrusting hips. Her fingertips brushed just under the waist band of Adora's shorts before sliding over the cloth and finding purchase on bare thighs, just below the curve of her ass. It still wasn't enough, she wasn't touching enough of Adora to calm that roaring in her ears as the blood rushed them, riding a high she had never known. But even completely skin to skin might not be enough to fix the feeling. This was the first time the kissing had gone this far, and she was willing to see how much further it could manage. More than willing. She wanted it to progress, if only to find some answers to the questions her body was screaming.

The first squeeze of her fingers on Adora's thighs to tug her in closer made the warrior pull back with a gasping whimper that made Catra feel a tug somewhere behind her navel. But that whimper had shit on the sound of her name being groaned into her ear as Adora pulled her head forward and cradle it to her chest. Like something precious.

"Catra," she panted into the tuft of fur by Catra's left ear. "I really, really want to touch you."

Relief flooded through her with the knowledge they were still on the same page. Adora wanted more, too. "You can," she said softly, pulling back from the fabric of the shirt Adora wore to look at her. "You can touch me wherever you want, as long as I can touch you, too."

Vulnerable. She knew it was stupid to put herself out there, but it was Adora. Whatever had happened between them was healing, and this was helping. This was a step. If she wanted a future with that light, she had to knock out a portion of her walls to make some windows. And when that bright sunshine filtered through the dusty panes, all the dancing particles were every single memory she had with Adora, good and bad. Shining, shimmering, splendid.

And there, in the middle of that once blackened room, a steady beating was coming from beneath the floorboards. Yes. Catra would have to remodel every single wall to make room for a heart she had forgotten existed, and a place for its guardian to relax in that rhythm. With Adora's presence, that prison became a home, shadows chased away by her illumination.

"I'm yours."

Of all the promises ever shared between them, this one was the one that shook Catra's soul the hardest, and to her surprise, she didn't doubt it. It was affirmation, but it was unneeded. She knew that now. She'd known it from the first time she had told Adora she loved her, and it brought her back from certain death. Their love had saved Etheria, had it not?

"I love you." Catra said it again now, just to see the rippling effect in Adora's expression. From the slight darkening of her cheeks, to the widening of her eyes, the small drop of her jaw... she loved all of it. She loved all of Adora.

Even She-Ra.

Adora leaned down to brush her nose against hers. "I love you, Catra. So much."

"Show me, princess."

"ADORA! You're supposed to be meeting – oh, no."

For such a midget, Sparkles could be really fucking loud. Also, very invasive. Like by teleporting directly into their bedroom at the ass crack of dawn, screaming Adora's name at the top of her lungs.

Catra almost found it worth it for the look on her face when both she and Adora bolted upright in the messy sheets of their bed, neither of them wearing a stitch of clothing. Glimmer got the full view as she stood there frozen in shock while Adora yelped in terror and grabbed the sheet to cover them both, and Catra gave a lazy stretch with a yawn, smugly unaffected.

Ha, good. Take that, Sparkles. More than best friend zone.

"I'm – I'm sorry! Won't happen again!" Glimmer shimmered away immediately, beet red and looking at anything else but the bed.

The cackle erupted out of Catra before the last of the glitter from Glimmer's magic faded behind her, and Adora smacked her in the chest with a pillow.

"Not funny!"

Catra waved her off, falling back onto her own pillow with a wide, satisfied grin. Despite the lack of sleep, she felt oddly refreshed and ready to face whatever the day threw at her. Their night had only ended maybe an hour or so ago, but Adora didn't seem exhausted, either, judging by the way she threw another pillow across the room in the direction where Glimmer had disappeared. The tantrum was adorable.

Don't make the pun. Don't do it.

"Hey, come here before you have to go," she said instead, holding a hand out to Adora, who looked at it suspiciously. But she took it, anyway, and allowed Catra to lead her back down so that her head was on Catra's chest. She curled an arm around Adora's shoulders and hugged her close. "I owe you a thank you for pulling my head out of my ass. I feel a lot better this morning."

Catra felt the grin that gave Adora, and it made her chest begin to rumble with a completely gratified purr. "I'm glad," Adora replied softly, running her fingers through the soft fur on her belly. She stopped where it started to grow thicker as she reached closer between her thighs, but didn't move her hand away. Its lingering presence there gave Catra tingles with the memories of what that same hand had done for her a mere couple of hours ago. Then, ever so slowly, it moved down to gently cup her pubis. "I think we both needed last night more than we realized."

"Touching me like that is only going to make you more later," Catra warned, but her legs fell open invitingly, despite her words. It was a slight disappointment when Adora made a hum of agreement, and only gave her a soft caress before withdrawing her hand back to a safer zone on Catra's chest.

"Don't look so sad, jeez. I won't be busy all day."

The pout must not have faded, because Adora rolled her eyes and leaned up to press her lips to Catra's softly. "I really, really like doing that with you, for the record. Better than by myself."

Catra raised an eyebrow. "You learned how to do that by yourself?"

Adora blushed, and gave a single shouldered shrug. "I... may have asked for some advice, too. From someone more experienced."

Catra snorted. This was too rich. "Really? Who?"

Adora's face got even darker. "...Spinnerella."

Catra was almost shocked at the revelation, but it made sense. The princess had always seemed a warm sort, motherly in a way. And having been married to a woman for longer than they had been alive, of course Adora would go to her for that kind of thing.

"Well, I have to say, ol' Rope Slinger must have it made. The wife gave you some pretty good advice." Catra's compliment made Adora smile, and earned her another kiss. And another. And one more after that. "Kissing is another reason you're going to be later than you already are, Adora."

"Mmm, they can wait. I'm busy."

"You've already saved the cat. What else can you do now?"

Adora pulled back completely to cup Catra's jaw, her eyes searching hers for something. When she found it, the smile she gave made the next inhale of Catra's breath catch in her throat. This was the smile that had caught her so many years ago, when they were merely children. It was the welcoming, open, reassuring one that promised many days of laughter, of life. It was the smile that defined her for Catra.

Adora's answer was simple, but it impacted in ways Catra could only begin to understand in this moment in time. But she hoped to know the full scope one day, know what it felt like to belong, to know Adora as her world again.

"Keep her."