Chapter One: What the fuck is Tang?

The first thing I noticed, was that it was very cold. From what I could tell; I was in fact wearing clothes. They were coarse and itchy, but very much on my person. So why on Earth was I so cold? The next thing I realised was that I was face down on the pavement. Well, that couldn't go on.

Placing my hands beneath my chest, I promptly pushed myself up.

Only to find something wrong.

Yes, I was now sitting as opposed to lying on the floor, something many would find to be an improvement, but I wasn't quite as high up as I should be. Compared to what I was expecting, I may as well still be lying face down.

After that, I saw my hands. Well, I say my hands, but they didn't quite match what I expected them to be. Which was odd, for certain. Undoubtedly, they were my hands, but at the same time, they were decidedly not. Much too small. Yet just the right size?

Confusing.

The next thing I noticed was what I was wearing. Good lord. It looked like some outfit ripped out of Oliver Twist! No wonder it was a bit nippy, clothes from Primark were of better quality. Why on Earth would I wear this? Yet, when had I ever worn anything other than this?

Confusing.

Shaking my head, I was promptly baffled. It was so long! My hair! I thought I'd grown out of that kind of style. Long hair was most definitely not a thing any more. What happened to my nice and trendy short back and sides? Sure, it wasn't the most original style any more. But damn, if it didn't look good. Yet, I'm pretty certain that this hair was never cut that short. Even though it was my hair.

Confusing.

Looking around, it felt as if I had stumbled into a movie set of a rundown English suburb. Or Manchester. I felt distinctly uncomfortable, yet oddly familiar with the place. 'Cokeworth' my mind helpfully supplied. Cokeworth? That was an awful name. It's either a carbonated drink, a fuel or even worse, a narcotic! It's something original though, I suppose. I wonder, did they-

"Sev! What're you doin' here!" a giddy voice shouts behind me.

Turning, I see something modern pop culture would term, 'Kawaii'. Or, 'Must protect smile'. Whatever that means. A shock of red hair ran from her head to her shoulders, framing a somewhat round face with pretty green eyes. 'Lily' my mind helpfully supplied. Or maybe not so helpfully. What the hell does a flower have to do with anything right now? Lost in my musings as I was, I almost missed my mouth opening.

"What am I doing here?" I drawled, wait, I drawl now? "If I remember correctly, of the two us, I'm the one that actually lives here." Wow. I'm fucking snob. Brill.

Regardless of my bedside manner, the little habanero just stomped her feet. With her cheeks puffed and bottom lip pouting, she almost looked like a chipmunk. Or a squirrel. Or some other form of small and cuddly mammal. 'Must. Not. Pet.'

"Why've you gotta be such a meanie! You're the one who'd said you'd meet me! An' since I'm so nice, even though you were late I came to get you!"

… I was going somewhere? I could slowly feel my right eyebrow arching.

"… My… Apologies, Lily. My prior… appointment, kept me behind."

"Appointment? But you said we were gonna play for the whooole day! Mum even made cookies! It's not nice to lie, Sev!" Another foot stomp followed, for emphasis, I presume.

Ah, shit. I'm really digging myself a hole.

"It was… last minute?" Okay, I'm not even convincing myself at this point, but it shouldn't be hard to deal with a, wait how old is she? '9' Why the hell am I justifying myself to a nine year old.

"Oh yeah? With who!"

Shit, when did nine year olds get this sharp? Okay, just gotta make up a convincing lie about some other friend, or maybe the library, or sleeping in! Yeah, that'll work-

"… The…" Oh. Oh no. Bad me. Don't say it. This is a bad, bad plan. "The floor." Oh for gods sake.

"Pfft. Hahahaha!" Valiantly, she attempts to withhold her amusement. Unfortunately, her efforts fail, and my pride along with it. "You're funny today, Sev! C'mon!" Saying so, she grabs my hand and tugs me up and away. All I can see are her bouncing red tresses as she babbles about what we'll do all day. That went better than I thought it would. But then again, nine.

Dear Diary,

Today me and Sev played for the whoooole day! It was awesome! But… he was a bit weird today. Like he was confused the whooole time. Like the funny look he gave me after I told him how smart he was after he taught me this suuuuuper easy method for division! Like he called it 'Bus stop division'. Which is silly, of course. Who does division at the bus stop! But then! But then! His face twisted in this strange way when the Beetles came on the Telly! It's like he'd never seen the Beetles in colour before! Which is impossible, of course. Last time he came round we watched The Sullivan Show, and they were on it! Honestly. For someone so smart, he sure can be so silly.

Anyway, mum managed to get us some more Tang, but we had to share with Petu-

-Diary of Lily Evans, 1969

My body staggered it's way out of the Evans residence, Lily's enthusiastic waving as my backdrop. I scowled a little. It should be a crime to be that energetic. The whole time, Mrs. Evans had a faintly amused look on her face. Damn woman! Don't you dare take pleasure from my suffering! I'll remember this!

Heedless of my thoughts, my body automatically steered itself back to Spinner's End. Honestly, I can now understand the awful naming sense. This was the world of Harry effin' Potter. Now you may be wondering how I came to such a conclusion. Was it the fact that I met Lily Evans? Perhaps the fact that I met Petunia Evans? (Who wasn't a total bint yet. She was a rather surly nine year old, though.) Or perhaps the even more obvious clue of my name? Yeah, no. It was when Lily knocked over her glass of Tang, and with all the righteous might of nine year old about to lose her sugar intake, reversed it. Afterwords she was positively beaming. As she looked at me expectantly, I patted her on the head. What? Don't judge me.

Now fully aware of my situation and my place in the world as Severus fucking Snape, I was more than I little annoyed. I can quite literally expect to be in a war, less than 10 years from now. Honestly? I'm not too thrilled. But at the same time, magic. The ability to make reality your bitch. On that note, I really want to see if there's a spell to bend reality. Like the ancient one in the mirror dimension, or Inception. That would be hilarious. Ramblings aside, the main point is that I'm going to be in a war in less than a decade. I've got some serious beefing up to do. As a half blood I'm going to be stuck in this weird kind of limbo where I can choose any side. Admittedly, if I join Tom I'm going to be treated as a second class citizen unless I become a potion master (which I will). But If I join Dumbledore I'm going to be joining the side that is going to rely on a baby to kill a fully grown wizard. Yeah. No thanks.

The plan is, A) Be neutral, B) Move to Australia, or C) Grow so powerful nobody wants to fuck with me. Option A is immediately out, if I show any sort of skill I'll be forced to decide, and since I don't want to live as mediocre cannon fodder my whole life… yeah. Option A is out. B is tempting, though I feel the universe would make a Koala maul my face just to spite me. Let's leave that as a backup. So that leaves option C. Greaaat. It's not like I never intended to learn a shit tonne of magic, it's just that now I'll have to focus on things that at least have one decent combat application. Instead of having fun. That blows. But I'll do my best to do both at the same time.

But first… to sort out my home situation. Honestly? I don't get it. At all. My mother, a witch, often gets into intense and often violent arguments with my father. A muggle. The results of which tend to spillover to me. Like… Why? Just spell the fool. It's not like anybody's going to care if you confund a muggle. Even then, my mother is apathetic at best and my father… well. All he needs to finish his stereotype is a stained wife-beater. The man's got to go. Or I have to.

Though I now have the memories of one Severus Tobias Snape, neither of us is overly fond of either parent. The only problems with me running away in this day and age is how I could provide for myself. Which, to be fair, is a pretty easy question to answer. Magic. Now, you may be asking yourself, 'Severus, how are you going to learn magic without Hogwarts?' That's easy as pie, my mother went. All I have to do is find her books.

Of course, it won't replace proper instruction from a well learned Professor, but it'll get the job done until then. You may then ask 'but Severus, how are you going to learn magic without a wand?' and to that I say, I'll do it wandlessly. I have no doubt it'll be a difficult endeavour. But I always found the notion of 'you need a wand to do magic' silly. Like, more stupid than a Neanderthal silly. If one needs a wand to do magic, how did the first wizard make a wand? How foolish to assume one needs a tool to utilise a natural ability. It's like saying you need a boxing glove in order to learn how to punch. Sure, it would most definitely assist in learning, but you are perfectly capable without. You just need to work hard at it. And that's just what I'll do.

Goal number one: Learn Wandless Magic.

But before that, I have to deal with this.

"Where the fook have yooou beeen, youu little swot!" Great. He's drunk.

Even better. That's an empty bottle.

Wonderful.

Thud.

Before I hit the floor, I confirmed the fact that glass bottles do not break like in movies. At least there's no broken glass.

Skippable A/N: Well. Here's another story. Before we continue, let's get this out of the way UPDATES WILL NOT BE REGULAR.

Because I am lazy. And I am inconsistent. This'll probably be the only story I write actively though, mainly because the world setup is easier than TES and figuring out the story will be easier than figuring out a Gamer system. Because fuck that.

I'm writing this because for the umpteenth time, I googled "Stories like half-blood emperor". Now, whilst the inspiration came from that story, the last time I read it was about a year or more ago. All I can remember now, is that he set up in some factory and has a house elf or something. Any similarities will be coincidences at best. Well, I hope it'll be like that anyway.

This chapter was pretty short and a little rushed because I just wanted this idea out. It's only about 1.7k, ideally I want future chapters to be 3kish words. Mainly because if you're anything like me, this will last 5minutes max.

Hopefully Lily came across as a nine year old. It's been a while since I was one, so idk. Sev is an SI so obviously he's going to have the Lexis and some of the maturity of an adult, but still susceptible to childish whims. I was really tempted to put in a bunch of childish misspellings for Lily's diary but I felt it would do a disservice to her character and the education system. Also regarding Lily's appearance, to those who care, her face won't be round forever, it's baby fat. Y'know, the shit that well fed kids have.

Things to note for this story. I'm going to avoid some of the more annoying cliches like bashing and stuff. Thankfully that'll be easy as most of the characters bashed aren't even alive right now.

Next, No Harem. At absolute most it'll it polyamorous with two people and Severus. But that is highly doubtful. Now for me, Harems are a guilty pleasure that I sometimes indulge in, but trying to realistically work out the logistics for one is just not going to happen, especially if you want characters that are fleshed out instead of another pair of legs with a nice chest and ass.

No Slash. Just not my cup of tea. I might reference gay characters but that's unlikely. Also because it's the 60's.

On the topic of relationships, the most romance I had at 11 was a kiss on the cheek and some held hands. Also, no lewding the loli. Obviously Sev will have a relationship at some point, but probably nothing serious until fourth or fifth year at least.

Magic. Scaling up the shit out of this. Let's face it, compared to any other fantasy world HP only beats their magic in utility. The most destructive thing we see is fiendfire. Boo. I want auror battles that can level streets and Dumbledore battles that level fields only because they're trying to keep the statute.

Also despite saying "chapter one" this feels more like a prologue. But it sets shit up, so whatever.

Gonna leave it here before I ramble too much. Anyway, next chapter is whenever, if there any spelling/grammar errors pm me or something. Later.

Oh. Regarding Tang, no idea if it was sold in Britain in the 60's as it's an American(?) drink. I just googled what kids do for fun in the 60s instead of writing "Netflix n' chill."