"Well, that's not surprising. I mean, she's a bitch". The way he says it so carelessly, so confidently makes me feel like someone just punched me in the face. Jackie is the poster child for bitchiness, yet the idea of some guy actually calling her one makes me incredibly angry. Damn, this isn't making any sense. I shrug and am about to say "Whatever" and leave before the urge to give him a taste of his own medicine can grow, but the anger at this asshole "Chip" is overwhelming. Who the hell does he think he is? As nightmarish as being around Jackie is, she deserves better than this. I sneak a glance back at her laughing, oblivious as usual to the shitty guy she liked. She really knows how to pick them. "Oh no" I mumble, my subconscious knowing what will happen and punch him hard in the face, hard enough to knock him out.

What have I done? I stand paralyzed, unable to comprehend what happened. Jackie dashes over with the same question. Course she had to freaking see. "Steven what happened" The government must have gotten control of my brain since I'm at a loss for words. I just know I don't want her getting any more stupid ideas that I like her or something. "What-nothing? Just-somebody-a guy said bitch and then there was nothing" I've said too much. "Oh my God. He called me a bitch and you hit him. And that's what happened, isn't it?" Damn. I'm never gonna live this down. "No..." I can't lie to her. "Liar. I am the bitch, and you love me!" Oh God. She fixes her eyes on me like Fez looks at his candy or something and suddenly I'm holding a long metal sword and wearing armor. Oh, and I'm on a horse. "Stop staring at me. I'm not this guy. Quit it!" What a load of crap. "Oh God". All I can do is drink my beer, which I haven't even had the chance to put down.

As much as I hate her stupid girly fantasy, I feel a hint of something else looking back at her, something that needs to be dropped immediately. Time to get away from it before it explodes in my face as always. I charge back in the house but don't make it past Mrs. Forman. "Oh Steven, I saw what happened. Is your girlfriend okay?" What the hell? "My girlfriend?" "Yeah, the bossy little mean one you're always hanging around with". Always hanging around with? Damn, I shouldn't have given her those Zen lessons. I mean...she really needed them. But I hate Jackie, right? "Oh-uh-Jackie". "She's not my girlfriend" I say, annoyed. How could she think she was my girlfriend? "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure! I don't like her! She's shallow, and rich, and...mean, and...bossy! She's everything that I hate!" I realize with defeat that somehow I can't come up with any more negative adjectives for Jackie and I'm just repeating the ones Mrs. Forman used. ."Steven, you hate everything". "What's that supposed to mean?" Not true, I just don't like anything. "Well, it means that maybe you like her cause I kinda think you do..." The anger flares up inside me. "NO. How could I like her? Because I don't like her. Because I can't like her. Mrs Forman, if I like her, shoot me". I realize to no avail that I'm just stammering like Forman which just makes me more angry. She better tell me the right thing, that I don't like this shallow, annoying princess. Mrs. Forman's response is brief but hurts my soul like ten gunshots: "POW", she says, finger gunning me.

And that's the second everything changes. Mrs. Forman is a smart lady, and I trust her judgement. I'll always owe her one for taking me in. Suddenly my anger is gone and I think back to the first time I saw Jackie, a tiny bratty twelve year old that insulted Donna. I remember my overwhelming disgust as I told her, "Welcome to public school" but suddenly it's all reversed when I see it in a different light, as having some sort of twisted attraction to this freak. Moments flash before my eyes, of her dancing to ABBA passionately and when she kicked Laurie's ass and when she kissed my cheek when we went to prom, that same moment over and over and how it took a hot second before I found the dignity to tell her to stop and how beautiful she looked. How I went to jail for her and didn't even tell Red the pot was Jackie's when he almost threw me out of the house. Yet I can barely stand to look at her. She's so shallow and bossy and mean and cute and pretty and, in her way, badass. How did she become both my favorite and least favorite person? I want to kick myself since I think Mrs. Forman might actually be right.

Mrs. Forman smiles knowingly and I know what I have to do. Before I can stop myself, I go back outside to Jackie. "Jackie, get your car. We're going on a freakin date". I vaguely register Kelso and Fez looking pretty pissed off, Kelso's hands slowly peeling off the rim of the basketball hoop but all I really see is Jackie's excitement. "Oh my God, it's a Veteran's Day Miracle!" Oh yeah, that's amore. I sigh and gesture for her to go.

She babbles on a little about how romantic Veterans Day is in the car but once we get to Inspiration Point, she is uncharacteristically quiet. And it makes me actually, well, like being around her. That cheesy Leo Sayer song is playing faintly from the radio (she picked the station, of course) and I'm just sitting there, drinking my pop and half hating myself for going on a date with Jackie and half enjoying the moment and wondering if there could ever be another one when she declares it's the best date ever. Well, after Kelso I see where she's coming from. But this is a far cry from a roller disco so it doesn't seem like her kind of date.

"Jackie, we haven't talked in thirty minutes". I tell her. "That's okay. Steven, you don't have to say anything. I understand you". I roll my eyes. Yeah, and I want you to dress me up like David Bowie. "Oh you do, do you?" I say, scoffing. "Sure. So you're probably sitting there thinking, I'm on this date with this girl who really, really likes me" I know this of course, but for some reason it takes me by surprise. "She's so beautiful that-" Nice. "Jackie..." I start, but she puts a finger to my lips. Despite my annoyance, I can't help but notice how delicate but strong it is, so I don't protest. "Hush. And you're wondering, how can I open up to her when everyone I have ever loved have abandoned me? Am I even worthy of love? Well? You are, Steven, you are". I guess this is touching and shit, which is exactly why I hate this girly crap. I mean, she's maybe ten percent right, not that I would ever admit that in a million years. But why does she think I'm wondering how I can open up to her? More like the other way around. This is actually funny. I pretend to cry, putting my fingers behind my sunglasses and heaving with fake sobs. "It's okay, Steven. It's okay. You know what, let it out. Let it all out". "Okay" I mock, quickly stopping my fake crying and blowing a raspberry in her face, staring at her with a deadpan expression. Jackie's always great to mess with, but I took it too far this time.

She immediately gets off the car and wipes off the spit even though I didn't actually get much on her. "Let's go home" Oh crap. How the hell do I feel even the slightest bit hurt that she'd be so quick to end the date after constantly proclaiming her love for me for the past few months? "Aw c'mon, I'm kidding!" I don't want this to end, which kind of terrifies me. In fact, I've never been on a date like this. I try a softer tone. "No, this is-this is alright, okay? We can hang out for awhile, okay?" "God" I say as she gets back on the car, trying really hard not to smile. "Here, have some of my pop". "Sure" she says, and she's so sexy. What is wrong with me? I sigh loudly and lick my lips, attempting to brush away my insane urge to french her. She wordlessly understands and scoots closer and puts my arm around her. I look into her endlessly green eyes and every emotion I've ever felt is in front of me. I nod. "Okay". She snuggles into me and I feel, for the first time in my life, complete. Like this little freak is what I always needed. We listen to the cheesy song in silence for a while. When she starts to shiver, I wordlessly give her my jacket and we move to the hood of the car. It's huge on her, which must be why she looks so freaking cute in it.

After an amount of time that feels like an eternity and a second at the same time, she says, "So? Our first date's almost over" "Yup". "Whaddya think?" God, how the hell do I explain how it was unlike anything I've ever felt before without sounding like Forman? Hmmm, what else don't I hate? Something safe. "It was no worse than bowling". She raises her eyebrows, confused. I admit, "I-I don't hate bowling". She smiles and giggles a little and I feel this strong but gentle force of her eye contact taking over my brain. It's like I have no control anymore. What is happening to me? And then she leans in to kiss me. I lean in too. We kiss tentatively at first, then the urge grows more passionate and then even more and she puts her hand on my chin and our tongues twist knots around each other and I can't think about anything but how much I want her and how I've wanted her for so long but then it's stopping and the record scratches and she breaks off. I just stare at her, dumbfounded with veiled disappointment and dazed from the kiss.

"Huh" she says, turning away from me but leaving her hand on my leg. My eyes are unable to look away from what I've just experienced. "Okay, I didn't feel anything". What the hell? After all this? "Nothing?" I ask, trying pretty badly to fake my usual Zen. If she can see past it, she barely lets on: "No, I mean the kiss was hot, but...well...did you feel something?" What a ridiculous question. To say I felt something would be an exaggeration. But to tell the truth would make me-nope, I don't even wanna go there. I actually get pretty close. "Uh...no". Dammit, I really, really did feel something. And I want to feel it again. "Well?" Who am I at this point. I see the remains of Hyde somewhere deep down getting ready to frog me until I come to my senses. And she's still Jackie. "No". She nods sadly and looks away, but the music somehow starts again and nerve endings on my lips remain static. I sneak a quick touch to my lips as she looks in the other direction, but they don't stop aching for more. As my fingers reluctantly go back down by my side, she says, "So-I guess that's it then. I guess you were right about us all along". No, Jackie, you were right about us all along. But I can't share my feelings. It's a big part of who I am. "Yup", I reply, a tiny bit of how I felt escaping anyway in a sigh she probably didn't notice. "So-what happens now?" "I'm not opposed to doing it" I deadpan, mostly as a joke. She looks shocked, but she's smiling. "Take me home, you pig!" she retorts, and she's so cute hitting me playfully and laughing like she did feel something. I let myself laugh with her for a few seconds, laugh at what we could have been, and then lead her off the car. "Yes, dear". My hand lingers on the small of her back as I open the door for her and we fade into the night along with the twinkling of the music, a promise that not yet but one day, we will admit we felt something.