He had been defeated

Like a video stuck in a loop, his final battle repeated over and over in his mind. Maybe if he used a different Pokemon first, focused more on defense than offence, adapted a unique strategy, then maybe the outcome would have been different. Instead of lying on the cool hard earth as he willed sleep to overcome him, he would be celebrating with his friends and family, holding the new title of Pokemon League Champion. But he wasn't.

Sighing while he rolled onto his side, adjusting his sleeping bag as he did. The embers from the fire smouldered, sending thick smoke rising into the starry night. The soft snores of Brock broke through the silence, a short distance away Misty slept soundlessly, Pikachu and Togepi curled up beside her. Yet sleep continued to elude him.

Mournfully, Ash thought about all the training and battles he has won and lost. The hours spent travelling, all the different towns they passed. Over a year of his life, and for what?

He was angry, remorseful and most of all; embarrassed.

They began their journey home after watching the final outcome. They were on their way back to Pallet Town. 'To end at the beginning' seemed a fitting denouement.

Where to go from there, Ash didn't know. For the first time, he was uncertain.

Repositioning, he lay on his back looking up at the thousands of twinkling lights that floated in the night sky. He knew there were other regions out there. New Pokemon, different opponents, a chance to get stronger. However, at this time in his life, he wanted to weigh his options before moving forward.

He had rushed headstrong into his journey, with a crystal clear goal in mind, only to be crushed by his opponent.

Tossing and turning, it wasn't until the first light of the morning began illuminating the sky that Ash finally fell into a restless sleep. Only to be woken a couple of hours later by the quiet voices of his companions.

"Good morning!" Brock was squatting beside the roaring fire, a pan sitting on top of the flames, sizzling and popping as the oldest of the trio cooked a breakfast of sausages and eggs. Ash was amazed at the meals he was able to cook with only the bare minimum. He had tried cooking, once. And like the dinner he attempted to make, that idea went up with smoke. "You woke just in time! Breakfast is nearly ready."

Groaning, he sat upright, attempting to massage the knots and strains from his back. The accommodation they stayed at during the days of the League Championship was luxury. Soft beds with clean sheets and blankets. Even real pillows! Being made aware of the sacrifices they had made to get to the League added to the weight of guilt Ash felt hanging over his head. Like an angry cloud, waiting to open up and let all the dissatisfaction rain down upon him.

"You didn't sleep well." Mistys concerned thoughtful blue eyes met his own. It was rhetorical, he knew that. Needless he responded anyway, muttering how he was fine, waving his hand in an unconcerned mannerism.

"I'm just excited to get home." It wasn't a lie. Ash really was looking forward to returning to Pallet Town. Where his life went from there was the scary part. He beamed a signature goofy grin at the orange haired girl before getting up to stand over by Brock, commenting on how delicious the breakfast looked.

Misty returned a smile, the uneasy expression still evident on her face. She was the most attentive of the group, while she understood that Ash would be upset about loosing the League so close to the end, there was something distressing about the way he was acting.

She observed a lot more than she let on. The last few days, Ash continued to joke, flash that big smile that made strangers trust the 11 year old boy. However, when he thought no one was paying attention, he would look off into the distance with a reflective expression. An internal debate going on inside him. Misty hoped he expressed his thoughts soon. His mask will crack eventually, she knew this and wanted to help him before it got to that extremity.

Pikachu tugging on her leg rattling her back to the here and now. Both Ash and Brock were sitting cross legged on the ground, respective plates sitting on top of their knees.

"Are you waiting for that tree to turn into something?" teased Ash raising an eye brow, Brock roared with laughter beside him almost tipping his plate in the process.

True enough, while lost in her thoughts she was starring intently at the nearest trees trunk. Embarrassed she dished her food from the still hot pan and sat across from the boys, cursing lightly under her breath.

Occasionally Ash or Brock would snigger lightly from the joke running at Mistys' expense. In reverse to what she would normally do, she couldn't help but smile at then. Those were real, the chuckles coming from Ash. She knew, at least for that time he was happy.

It had been over a year since he last set eyes on his home town, his world for ten whole years. A single dirt trail ran the length of the town, winding up the proud, watchful mountain visible in the distance. Wide open farmland surrounded the few houses that boarded the trail. On top of the mountain, looking down upon the small community stood the famous Professor Oaks' Laboratory. A large wind turbine turned slowly, the midday sun reflected against the many windows housed within the laboratorys' frames.

Racing ahead of the trio, Pikachu called out excitedly. Stubby yellow arms beckoning them to catch up. Misty and Brock walked ahead, chatting amongst themselves about how untouched it was, so quiet and tranquil.

Ash kept pace a few steps behind, breathing in the aroma of country air. In that moment reliving his childhood, a more carefree time of his life. Adjusting the bag on his shoulder, the first houses came into view.

Throughout the time he was away the population had doubled. Where once was empty space stood unfamiliar houses. Neighbours he didn't know peered curiously out their windows and doors as they walked past.

"It would of been so wonderful to grow up here," gushed Misty as she spun in the circle. Togepi chirped joyfully from her arms.

Brock nodded in agreeance, "Misty is right, Ash. It's secluded, away from the hustle of other cities. You can literally live off the land."

Before Ash had a chance to respond, Pikachu called them from up ahead. The white picket fence enclosing a two-story white house with a red roof stood before them as they reached the electric mouse. "Pika Pi!" It called happily, climbing Ash to sit upon his shoulder.

Ash gave his yellow friend a scratch under the chin, "We're home Pikachu."

Knocking on the door, Delia answered before Ash had dropped his arm. "Oh honey!" She cried, pulling her son in for a hug, "I'm so happy to have you home! Please come inside, I'll bring some refreshments." Delia gestured everyone into the sitting room as she disappeared into the kitchen, reappearing with a tray of cold beverages and sandwiches, slices and cakes.

"Thank you so much, Miss Ketchum! This all looks wonderful," Brock praised as he was the first to begin eating, relishing each bite.

"Thank you Miss Ketchum for letting us stay," added Misty as she fed a sandwich to Togepi.

Delia blushed, holding a hand to her chest, "Please call me Delia. "

"Thank you Delia," both Misty and Brock chorused.

"Thanks mom." Pikachu chimed in with its own gratitude before climbing down from Ashs' shoulder, sitting next to Togepi as both Pokemon enjoyed the snacks.

"How are you doing, son?"

It was genuine concern in the voice he always trusted to say the right thing. "I'm fine, mom. No need to worry about me." Out came the signature grin. He wasn't ready to talk honestly, especially when he didn't know himself.

Understanding her son more than anyone, she knew there was no use pressuring him to open up. He was just like his father in that respect. Delia nodded, giving her son a gentle hug before quickly changing the subject. "Everyone's excited to see you! We returned two days ago and the phone had been ringing non-stop! Gary asked when you'll be getting back too."

In the course of their adventure up until now, Ash had witnessed many different sides of his rival, Gary Oak. Whilst the hatred and jealousy had decreased, he still wanted to become stronger than him, to be able to win every Pokemon match flawlessly. In a way, Gary taunting and teasing him at every chanced meeting only made him want to try harder. Gary was his ambition.

Evening arrived after a day of retelling the stories of their adventures to Delia. Retiring early as he was almost falling asleep at dinner time, Misty continued exchanging stories with Ashs' mom long after both boys had gone to sleep.

Side by side they sat outside, full moon lighting up the sky.

"I'm so thankful Ash found such amazing friends like you and Brock," confessed Delia as she sipped a steaming cup of coco, "I worry about him."

Misty gently rocked the sleeping Togepi in her arms. "I do too," she admitted quietly, "He's so incredibly headstrong, always willing to help whoever he can. I've never met anyone like him before." She hoped the darkness of the night hid the heat that rose to her cheeks.

"How is he really doing?"

She had been thinking the same thing herself, wishing she knew the answer to that question. "Honestly, I have no idea. He smiles and acts like everything is okay... but sometimes I catch him silently starring off into the distance."

Delia didn't act surprised, "Ever since he was able to talk, he spoke about becoming a Pokemon Master. The night before he first got Pikachu, he was up until three in the morning, already dressed, bag packed, ready to go," she giggled lightly at the memory. Misty couldn't help but smile, knowing that sounds exactly like something Ash would do. "I think loosing that battle has crushed him more than he's letting on. Please keep a close eye on him, Misty. I know he trusts you, I've seen the bond you two share. If anyone's going to be able to help him, it's you."

"I will, Delia," promised Misty, thinking deeply about what had just been said.

Standing upright, Delia yawned, "I might need to go to bed now Misty. I have a little welcome home party planned for tomorrow so I'll need to be up earily. Thanks for staying up with me. You're such a sweet and kind girl."

Bidding Delia goodnight, Misty sat alone in the dark of the night. Togepi snoring lightly in her arms, her mind wandering to Ash.

The morning sun forced it's rays through the curtains, waking the sleeping black haired boy. Opening his eyes he lay still, he was in his room. 'Was it a dream?' he thought. Everything that had happened, was it real? A headache forming behind his eyes, his mind fought between realty and fiction. Sitting up slowly, Pikachu yawned from its place curled up like a cat by his feet. It was real, but why did he not know what outcome he preferred?

Dressing and heading downstairs with Pikachu in tow they were greeted by Misty, Brock and Delia sitting around the kitchen table eating breakfast.

"Good morning sleepy head!" cheerfully greeted Delia, passing Ash a plate as he sat down, "I see you still like to sleep in."

"He'd sleep until midday if you let him," japed Brock as he grinned.

Mumbling incoherently Ash moved his breakfast around the plate without appetite.

Observing her son not eating, Delia clapped her hand excitedly in an attempt to boost the mood. "I've got a little surprise for you today, Ash. Everyone's so excited to see you, and I love having my baby boy home, I've decided to throw a small welcome home party! Mimey is in the kitchen preparing the food."

Ash was looking forward to seeing everyone, but a party with himself being the main focus caused a lump to develop to his throat. Palms sweaty he managed a meek thank you. With failure in the front of his mind and his mind in such a fog, anxiety overtook him. Swallowing the lump, he securely positioned the mask on his face and smiled widely in an attempt to reflect the enthusiasm the others portrayed.

First to leave the table was Brock, offering to help Mimey and Delia in the kitchen. Misty continued sitting across from him in somber silence.

"Ash..." she began, trying carefully to find the right words.

"Yeah?" Masked shinning beige eyes connecting with her own.

Shaking her head slowly, this wasn't the time, or the place. She put on a happy expression, "No, nothing. Do you think you can help me put up some decorations?"

The real question left unsaid, Ash agreed eagerly at the welcomed distraction. They had just finished tying the last balloon when a knock at the door echoed throughout the house.

For a small party, the whole town was invited to see Ash. The sun shone brightly, not a cloud in the sky so the party moved outdoors. Food of different varieties was set out for the guests, balloons and streamers added color and a joyful outlook as people chatted with one another. Shaking Ashs' hand enthusiastically, asking him questions about his travels.

All different species of Pokemon chased each other around the meadows, enjoying the vibe of the celebration.

He answered their questions politely, shook their hands, spoke to everyone that had shown up. Listened to them reminiscing of him as a child, gushing over his Pokemon as they played in the distance.

After what seemed like hours, Ash managed to sneak away and take a seat at the back of house alone. It was overwhelming, all the questions of what his plans were now. He never had a straight answer, avoiding the question as best as he could. Luckily none of them pressured him for an in-depth response, for that he was grateful.

"Good party."

It was a voice he'd never forget. Although he was the same age as him, he stood atleast a head taller. Auburn hair styled fashionably. Gary stood before of Ash, a condescending smirk on his face. Trailing behind him, his fan group mingled amongst themselves, staying close enough to swoon over everything Gary said.

"Hi Gary, nice to see you." It was only half a lie.

"I can't believe you used Charizard," the taller boy taunted nastily, "You should know by now you're not strong enough to control such a superior Pokemon. Even Charizard knows that."

A bitter taste was in his mouth as he clenched his fist, "You didn't do much better," he shot back.

"Maybe, but i'm still stronger than you. I've caught more Pokemon than you. It was just luck that you got as far as you did." His fan club chorused, encouraging him on in the background. "What do you think your doing? You'll never be one of the greats."

"Just stop it, Gary. I'm not in the mood," replied Ash quietly through gritted teeth.

Gary sniggered, "Of course you're not. You can't handle the pressure Ash. You never will."

Any other day, Ash would fire back, standing up for himself. But not today. He just wanted to process his thoughts, not be told viscously the exact words that plagued his dreams. Hearing them out loud made them seem much more true. "Leave me alone!" he screamed, closing his eyes tightly, caught so deeply in the flood of emotions, he didn't notice the whole party came to a standstill.

He was getting to him, Gary knew that. All it did was edge him further, knowing he had the upper hand and the attention of so many others. "Give up." he spoke carefully. A twinkle of amusement in his eyes, not realising how close to the edge of the cliff he was pushing the boy. "Just give up. You'll never amount to anything, let alone a Pokemon Master," the last word slithered off his tongue mockingly.

Tears burned behind Ashs' eyes as he looked down at his still clenched fists.

"Are you going to cry? Look everyone! The wannabe Pokemon Master is CRYING!" Garys' ran club rioted with laughter.

Misty and Brock screamed at Gary to leave him alone, but it fell upon deaf ears as Gary and his minions loudly chanted, 'Cry baby! Looser!'

Laughter from the group followed Ash as he ran inside the house, pushing past the crowd that gathered to see what the commotion was. Up to his bedroom he raced, vision blurred as the tears ran freely down his cheeks. His mask broke, in front of everyone.

"You're horrible!" Misty screamed at Gary as Brock and Delia gained on the group, telling them forcefully to leave. Delia adding that they are never welcome at her house ever again.

Mistys' heart broke in two seeing the look on Ashs' face, the anguish and pain unmistakable. She had seen Ash cry before, but not like this. Not knowing what to say, but knowing she had to do something she slowly walked up the stairs only to be greeted by Ashs' closed door. She could hear muffled sobs from the other side as she knocked gently. Without waiting for a response she quietly let herself in.

Ash was facedown on his bed, head buried in a pillow.

"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, and she knew the answer already, but she had to say something to break the silence.

Being the person he was, Ash sat up with blood shot eyes, wiping the tears away furiously with the back of his hand. "I'm fine." It was a short and sharp response, not a tone she had ever heard from him before. She sat at the foot of his bed, wanting to give him a comforting hug but was frozen in the unknowing of how her affection would be reciprocated.

"Maybe he's right," hissed Ash, a mixture of emotions expressed in his voice. "Maybe I should just quit."

"No!" Misty argued with alarm. "Don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's saying. He's just trying to get a rise from you. One day, you will become a Pokemon Master. I know you will." she finished reassuringly.

Ash lay back down on his bed, curling up into the foetal position facing away from Misty. "Just leave me."

Misty had no choice but to stand, she looked over at the boy who had shared so many adventures with her, helped so many people along the way. But right now, she didn't know how to help him. He looked so small curled up. Silently a single tear fell down her face as she obeyed. Closing the door quietly behind her.

The mood for the rest of the day was low spirited. The crowd evaporated quickly by the request of Delia. Professor Oak lagging behind, promising to have a stern word with Gary. They ate dinner silently, starring up at the stairs that lead to Ashs' room. Wanting to give him the space he requested. Delia knocked on his door later in the evening asking if he wanted any food to be brought up. He responded with a dull no. Defeated she left her only child to the solitude he requested, knowing that when he was ready, he'd come down. Even Pikachu stayed close to Misty that night, crying out in concern softly for it's friend.

It was late morning when Ash finally descended the stairs, dressed with a backpack over his shoulder. Eyes swollen with deep bags under his eyes showed how he had spent his night. He stood in the doorway, shoulders slumped forward and his head down refusing to make eye contact.

"I'm leaving."

"What?" It was Delia, standing up in alarm. Pikachu chorused, running up to Ash in shock, questioning in the only word it knew.

"Where are you planning to go? Please don't go anywhere!" begged Misty, beginning to stand up only to be stopped by Brocks hand as he slowly shook his head at her.

"Ash..." Delia reached out to her son who shrugged her off, "Please stay. Don't take what Gary said to heart. Please, son."

Ash shook his head, "I need to go. I need to think, alone." he spoke, his voice thick.

"For how long?" asked Brock calmly. He didn't like this situation any more than the rest of him, but he knew that sometimes being alone to think can be beneficial.

"I don't know." It was a vague answer that brought a frown to Brocks face. "Come on, Pikachu."

Pikachu shook its head, "Pika Pi, Pi, Pikachu!" It pointed at the others, tugging on Ashs's jeans willing him to stay.

"You can either come with me or stay here," Ash challenged, irritation clear. He just wanted to leave. He worried if he hindered, he'd be pressured to stay. And then nothing would change. He had to go, to get away.

Putting it's head down Pikachu whined at the direction the series of events were heading. Ash walked towards the door, Pikachu dragging it's feet behind him.

"Please call me," begged Delia, casting sad eyes at her son. "Come back when you're ready, Ash. I'll be waiting."

Head still downcast Ash nodded before disappearing through the doorway. The thick atmosphere strangled the guests as Delia broke down, sobbing quietly. She had just got her son home, and just like that, he was gone again. Brock rushed over to comfort her as Misty raced out the open door after him.

"Wait!"

Ashs hand was on the gate, ready to start his journey of self discovery.

"Let me come with you, please?" she wept, not trying to stop the tears that fell. "Please!"

"I can't, Misty. I just can't. I'm sorry."

He left Misty standing alone, helplessly watching him leave as he walked away in silence. Not knowing when she'd see him again. A world of uncertainty and questions written in the air before her. And she never got the chance to tell him how she felt.

Unknown to her and everyone else, that it would be seven long years before anyone ever saw him again.