This chapter took half a year to write. I don't even know why.

Well, the shit show went on. We sat through kiss the bride and all that lame ass bullshit.

We were the last to leave the church, the line moving so goddamn slow. Everyone was wanting to give the bride and groom their condolences, I guess. That's what it seemed like anyway because those two are well on their way to divorce court in a matter of months.

Emmett and Rosalie spotted us halfway down the aisle and hauled ass like the scared little pussies they are.

Here I thought I was the fucking pathetic one.

We're in the car now, and Bella is all pumped and ready to continue this fucking shit at the reception. To be honest I'm over these dickheads. I feel nothing for the stupid fuck faces. My time could have been better spent fucking Bella in all the ways you can be fucked.

"Let's just blow this fucking joint." What I mean is let's go find ourselves a hotel so she can blow me, but that's neither here nor there.

She reaches over and pats my leg. "It's not over yet."

"Fuck it, lovebird, goddamn. At least move your hand up and to the left and cup my balls."

She fucking does. Gives them a nice little squeeze. A tug. A rub a dub dub.

Shit, fuck, and damn.

She releases me, and I want to cry like a fucking baby. There's no catch and release in this game. Undo my fucking pants and slobber on it.

"Quit pouting, Edward."

"I'm not fucking pouting."

"Your lip's quivering."

I bite it even though I know she's lying. "You're fucking rude."

She rolls her eyes and crosses her legs. "Don't be a baby."

"Don't be a fucking tease."

She laughs.

Bitch.

Reaching into the side of my door, I search around for my pack of cigarettes and lighter, liking the way she narrows her eyes when I glance at her after shoving it between my lips. What is she gonna do? Spank me?

I light it up and inhale the shit out of the fucker before Bella reaches over and pulls it from my fingers, rolls her window down and tosses the fucking thing out. "Quit wasting my fucking money," I snap. I don't mean to. But the bitch has me on edge. The dress. The shoes. The tits. That fucking mouth. The ball squeeze. It's just too much for me to fucking handle right now.

"Quit buying the fucking things."

I see her adjust her dress out of the corner of my eye. Her tits are bouncing as she tries to shove them in a bit. Keep them the fuck out for fuck's sake.

"I want to put them in my fucking mouth."

"What?"

"I want to put your goddamn tits in my mouth." Must I repeat myself. Every time I say tit my dick twitches, and he's trying to give her the silent treatment right now.

"They don't like cigarette breath."

"They'll like mine."

"I doubt it."

"Do you speak for them? Let them decide for themselves."

"Wait, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"They said fuck off."

"Whatever, I'll ask them myself later."

I find a parking space at this stupid reception and shut the car off.

"Come on. Let's go crash their party," Bella says, smiling at me. Damn.

"Fine, whatever. But later you're going to get on your knees and beg for a taste of my dick, and I'm not gonna let you have it."

"Sure."

She says it like she's so confident. Like she's not dying for a good face fuck by yours truly. I mean, I'm not gonna say no. I'm just talking shit. She's gonna get more than a taste. A mouthful more like it. Might even shove my balls in there, too. The whole package.

"I don't know about you, little lovebird, but I need a goddamn drink." She meets me at my side, kind of getting all up in my space. It's fucking obvious she wants me to bend her over and stick it in.

I mean, it's about time. We can't go on like this. The teasing has to lead somewhere, and that somewhere is my tongue buried in her pussy. Or her mouth swallowing my dick. We can even do it at the same time. The good ole 69.

Popping the trunk I dig in my bag and grab the bottle of Vodka I threw in there. Bella takes it from my hands and leans on the side of my car. She twists it open and takes a drink not even cringing before passing it to me. What a sexy, badass bitch. I choke a bit because that's fucking normal and then I shove it in my jacket.

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and grab hers. She links her fingers with mine, and we start walking toward this hell hole.

"Where's your dad?"

"My dad?"

"Yeah. You have one of those don't you?"

Fucking smartass.

"Fuck if I know. I never knew him."

Why the fuck are we even talking about this?

"That's sad."

"Esme probably ran him off. Who fucking cares."

"You need anger management."

"You need my balls in your mouth, but do you see me telling you that shit?"

"You just did."

"Yeah, well." I shrug and laugh at that.

At the doors we come face to face with dickwad one and two. Emmett wants nothing to do with me if the pinched lips and bitch face are anything to go by.

"Hi, Edward," Rosalie says.

Who the fuck does she think she is disgracing my name like that? Bella looks at me and snorts.

"She all says hi like she didn't fuck two brothers at the same time," she says like we're the only two people here.

"Maybe she forgot."

"You're a dick, man," Emmett says like the fucking douche he is.

"Watch your mouth in front of lovebird, Emmy Bear. Have some fucking respect."

"Emmett," Rosalie says, trying to be the peacemaker or some shit. The time for peace is over. She started this war, the damn skank.

"He called you a dick," Bella says, and oh fuck, there's that smirk. "Are you just gonna stand there and take it?"

Say what?

"We're glad you came," Rosalie lies, speaking quickly before I can fuck Emmett's ugly face up, I guess. Seems that's what lovebird's hinting at. Fuck, let me warm up first. Not cool springing this on me like that. The bitch needs a spanking.

"No, you're not," Bella says.

"Who even are you?" Rosalie snaps. She obviously doesn't know that Bella would eat her alive. And not the fucking good kind of eating.

"Not the woman who fucked your husband," Bella says then leans in and whispers loudly, "But someone did. You might want to check on that.

Sounds like Emmett's whimpering right about now. Fucking pussy. Rosalie looks like she's going to cry again. Seriously, these people are idiots.

"You downgraded," Bella continues, ignoring Rosalie's watering eyes and quivering lips, recognizing that I'm the the top dog in this fucking scenario. "Your loss." She shrugs and wraps an arm around my waist, peering up at me, a sinful smile stretching her lips. It's like she's asking for me to slide my dick in there.

Shrugging, I give both assholes a chin lift. "Welp, this is fun."

Bella laughs and we walk past the newly soon to be divorced couple. I'm considering slipping my hand down the back of Bella's dress and palming that sweet ass.

"Why are we letting them stay?" Rosalie asks behind us.

"Why did you invite him at all?"

"He's your brother," she says, sounding like she's crying again.

"You should probably thank him," Bella tells me.

"What?"

"He saved you from that fucking psycho."

She's right. Still can't stand the fucker.

"Edward, hey, man." Jasper pulls me into a manly hug and checks out lovebird which doesn't make me fucking happy. "That shit was crazy. Who's the girl?"

She hugs my waist, pressing her cheek into my chest. I guess I'm getting sweet little birdie. She's confusing as fuck, but I love every second of it.

"This is Bella," I say, squeezing her. "This is my cousin Jasper. Quit fucking looking at her."

Jasper puts his hands up and laughs, the fucker. "Esme's on a rampage. Watch your back." He pats my back and nods at Bella before leaving us alone.

"He's Team Emmett?"

"I don't fucking know."

This place looks out of Esme's fucking price range but then again the Hale's probably paid for it all. Speak of the devil. She's at a table with Rosalie's parents. Bella waves all big. "Hi, Esme."

Esme doesn't wave back. Fucking rude.

We find a table in the corner and no one tries sitting with us like we're contagious or some shit. More like bad bitches, but whatever. It's better this way. Maybe I can talk Bella into crawling under the table, and well, the rest is obvious.

The food is served, and it looks like ass, but I'm fucking starving so I eat it.

Bella scarfs that shit down, draining a glass of wine along with it.

"I don't want you drunk when I fuck you later," I say.

"It's going to take more than sparkling cider to get me drunk."

I sniff my drink, and yeah that's fucking cider. Are we fucking children?

Toast, toast, toast.

Silverware knocks against glasses, and it's all very fucking stupid but then Jasper stands and holds up his glass. I drown in Vodka before handing the bottle to Bella. "Just sips."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"I had this big speech written but change of plans. I'm going to leave the speech to Emmett's little bro."

What the fuck?

All eyes are on me, and fuck this shit. Bella's laughing now, Esme's pale white, and Rosalie and Emmett look like twin assholes.

"Come on, Edward," Jasper says. "Let's hear it."

"I think he's Team McBaby," Bella says, shoving me until I stand.

"Thanks, Jasper, you big douche," I call out, making him laugh and everyone else gasp.

Everyone's staring at me which is uncomfortable as shit.

"I have nothing nice to say about Mr. and Mrs. Dickhead. Don't have a happy life or do. I don't give a fuck. Cheers motherfuckers. "

I drain my fucking cider and sit down. If looks could kill, I'd be dead. If Emmett wanted to, he could probably beat my ass, but he just sits behind his table consoling his stupid wife.

All of a sudden, Bella's standing on a goddamn chair. I'm not embarrassed, but I can see up her dress, and wouldn't it be a fucking adventure to shove my face all up in there.

"Oh, and Esme?" Bella says, smiling. At least it sounds like she's smiling. I'm still looking up her dress. "You're a fucking bitch choosing one son over another. The way you treat Edward is unacceptable. He's lucky you're dead." She kind of snorts a laugh and climbs from the chair. How she even did it in those heels, I'll never fucking know.

"If they don't leave right now, we're calling the cops," Esme is saying, but Bella scoots all close to me, pressing her lips to my neck, my jaw, her hand squeezing my leg that I don't give a fuck what Esme's saying.

"You ready to get dicked down?" I kind of gasp like a bitch, her wicked tongue all warm and wet on my face, probably just like her...

"No thanks," she says, the rude little tease.

I stand and pick her ass up, not giving a fuck about the people in this room. I mean, sure, I flip them all off on my way out. This is the last I'm going to see the shitheads, so I have to give one last fuck you to their faces.

Bella wraps her legs around my waist and my hands palm her ass. Fucking finally. I shove the doors open, searching for any place where I can lay her out and fuck the hell out of her.

Bella lifts her head and wiggles her fine ass until I put her down. She better not even fucking think of playing her games.

She pushes open a door that says private and peeks inside before giving me that fuck me smile over her shoulder.

"Are you going to put your money where your mouth is?" She asks, backing into the room.

What a sassy little birdie.

"If my money is your pussy then fuck yeah." She smirks and I step into the room. She shuts the door, pushing my back against the hard wood, her hands flattening on my chest, fingernails digging in. "You trying to show me who's boss? Fine, whatever, do your worst, lovebird. I can take it."

She unbuttons my pants and slowly pulls my zipper down.

"I thought I was taking it."

Oh fuck.

Fuck, little dirtybird wants my dick.

Fucking finally.

Yes, I'm the bitch that ends it here, but dicking down takes a chapter of its own. You may call me names in your head only. LOL