A/n - Hello everyone! :D Yes, I'm back. At Least for a little while. I could come up with all kinds of excuses but I have none, sooo for now I'd rather not promise anything. The future is up in the air.

I'm not giving up on fanfic yet but I can't dedicate as much time as I wish I could to you guys :( I'd rather write nice things other than forced stories. That being said, onto the story :D

As always… I don't own Merlin :(

Arthur stood with his hand raised, poised to rap on the door that led to Merlin's chambers. At the last moment he paused and lowered his hand. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to face his manser- friend just yet. He turned around and headed back to his chambers like a coward.

-- Merlin Emrys --

Arthur and the knights had looked all week for the missing manservant to no avail. One day he went out looking for herbs for Gaius and he never returned.

Arthur just about went crazy until he could bear it no longer and gathered the knights to look for Merlin.

After looking just about everywhere in the surrounding forest, there was still no sign of Merlin anywhere but Arthur would not give up, not yet.

They almost passed it, if it weren't for Elyan pointing it out at the last minute. It was a small opening in a steep valley. They raided the place and set a countless number of prisoners free.

The men that kept the prisoners were easy to take down, they couldn't see straight and could barely stand. They smelled of ale and other things Arthur wouldn't acknowledge.

In one of the last cells was Merlin, chained to a bed with his eyes open and mouth slightly agape trying to inhale air that he so desperately needed.

They had pried open the cell and Arthur carefully came up to Merlin, ordering the other knights back so they wouldn't spook him.

He froze when he was close enough to get a good look at Merlin's face. More specifically his eyes, Arthur didn't know what to do but back up just a little and compose himself.

When he looked into his friends eyes all he could see was torment, pain, and fear. He couldn't see an ounce of the old Merlin but he wouldn't give up, not yet.

Not until Merlin came bursting into his chambers saying some crazy term like "Rise and Shine Lazy Daisy!" And he would, Arthur would make sure of it.

They carried Merlin to the horses and Arthur gently lifted him up and held him securely. He wanted to take care of the wounds but he was out of his depth. He just needed to get Merlin back to Gaius and everything would be fine.

Merlin was unresponsive to anything Arthur said and didn't even wince when the horse trotted back to Camelot.

The King held a brave face but inside he was terrified. What if Merlin is never the same?

The noble group reached the courtyard and chaos broke out. The King was quickly rushed to the physician's chambers, still carrying Merlin because he would not let him go, not ever.

Gaius quickly and efficiently closed Merlin's cuts and bandaged his poor, broken body.

-- Merlin Emrys --

It had been days since then and Arthur was by his side the whole time. He held his best friend as the latter battled hallucinations and night terrors.

He calmed him when he hyperventilated and screamed and cried and begged for mercy when a door was shut too loudly or a voice carried too far.

And Arthur was there, for everything as he watched his best friend tear himself apart and lose everything that made Merlin Merlin.

All the while he mourned in his chambers quietly when he had the time. He allowed the tears to fall for his friend, his companion, his one constant in life that had never failed him. Because, even though Camelot gained it's protector back, Arthur had lost a friend.

-- Merlin Emrys --

Arthur paced in his chambers for a small while until he worked enough nerve to go back to the physician's chambers.

This would be the first time Merlin was coherent enough to talk and Arthur was scared. Scared of what had been building these past days.

It would be the reveal of how broken Merlin had become, how coherent he really was when he begged a ghost to stop hurting him.

It broke Arthur's heart a little more each time and he didn't know if it would survive any more damage.

Arthur nodded to Gaius as the physician looked on sadly. It was as if all of Camelot grew silent as they waited for their King to knock on the door.

He raised his hand for the second time that day, slowly knocked.

He could hear a gasp from inside the bedroom and Arthur cringed just a little. Finally, a faint 'Come in' could be heard.

Arthur slowly opened the door to see his best friend sitting up and wildly moving his head around, as if searching for an invisible enemy.

He stopped and froze suddenly, looking at his master in terror before recognizing him. Arthur could see Merlin untense just a fraction.

Arthur wished he could just say 'You idiot! What were you thinking getting captured like this! You're polishing the whole army's boots and cleaning my armor for the rest of your life!' and it would be okay.

That Merlin would laugh and smile and call him a clot-pole. He could only wish.

'Hello, Merlin.'

Arthur was met with silence. He sighed but didn't move a foot. He held his hands up in a placating manner.

'Is it okay if I come in?' His voice barely above a whisper.

A small head shake had Arthur slowly walking to the chair permanently rooted next to his friend's bedside.

He sat down slowly and tried to smile reassuringly.

'How are you?'

Merlin looked down, tears in his eyes. 'Why?'

Barely a whisper of breath.

'Why what? Merlin?'

Merlin looked up and Arthur could see the pain. 'Why did you come for me?'

Arthur wanted to cry, to shout, to kill every man responsible for this.

'Because, dear friend, I'd never leave you.'

After a pause Arthur took a leap of faith.

'Can… Can I hold your hand, Merlin?'

Merlin nodded slightly and Arthur smiled a genuine smile.

He slowly took Merlin's hand and felt him twitch but he didn't pull away. The King took it as a win.

They sat like that for hours until Merlin dozed off, but Arthur didn't move.

-- Merlin Emrys --

After three weeks of healing, Gaius said Merlin would be able to return to work.

Arthur didn't care about the work but Gaius said it might help Merlin if there was a routine.

The next day, a small knock on his door had Arthur looking up. Cautious that it may be Merlin he answered gently.

'Come in.'

And there he was, Merlin. He walked in with his head bowed and shuffled into the King's chambers slowly.

Arthur couldn't help but brighten a little in delight.

'Well hello there Merlin.'

'Hello, sire.' Was Merlin's flat tone.

Some of Arthur's hope deflated but he tried to keep the fake smile he had developed wide and big. Welcoming.

'I-I'm here to clean the chambers…' a soft voice said.

'That sounds like a great idea, my laundry could use some folding too...'

The warlock nodded and walked over to the pile of laundry, carefully folding it.

Arthur tried to make conversation but failed every time. Merlin just wouldn't talk back. The King missed the jabbering, the smiles, he missed Merlin.

-- Merlin Emrys --

After three months of pain and quietness, Arthur could barely see a point to anything.

He admitted defeat a couple weeks back when Merlin had a panic attack after Arthur raised his voice to a stable boy.

Arthur felt horrible but accepted it as the new normal. Merlin couldn't go in the forest either without panicking so Arthur was forced into hunting trips with just the knights.

The knights had also tried to calm Merlin but their personalities always seemed to make the servant more nervous than anything else. It seemed everyone had given up on having the old Merlin come back.

When a small knock on his door made Arthur look up he forced on a smile.

'Come in.'

Merlin entered the same as always, head down and shoulders drawn in.

'I was hoping you could polish my armour, if that's alright?' He never really commanded Merlin anymore. He always asked, giving Merlin a choice.

The servant nodded and slowly shuffled to it. He began to polish the armour quietly, never faltering. He'd become a superb manservant, challenging even George's abilities.

It made Arthur's heart ache even more.

The silence stifled the room.

But then, somehow, after three months of guilt and suffering, the perfect, quiet manservant managed to drop the helmet he was polishing.

It landed with a clang that made Merlin jump and Arthur startle.

Without thinking, Arthur did the only thing that was etched into his mind so long ago.

'Oi! You idiot! Dropping all the armour?' After the remark, Arthur covered his mouth and looked on in horror.

He quickly opened it again, intending to apologize but a different voice beat him.

It was barely above a whisper and at first Arthur thought he was just hearing things but he allowed himself to hope.

The quietest 'prat' could be heard and for the first time in a long time the King of Camelot smiled a genuine smile.

Maybe, just maybe, Arthur would have his best friend back. He'd just have to wait.

He'd never been more willing to wait for anything in his life.

The end!

Tell me how you liked it! In this particular story I wanted to capture Arthur's feelings of hopelessness but also his unwavering loyalty to Merlin. I know many people think Arthur would be mad and destroy half the world but I wanted to see what Arthur would be like if he was… softer.

Anyway, I have another story on the way so stay tuned!

Sincerely, Catnip. No Way Man.