Inside Klink's office...

"Why Klink, I should think you would welcome the chance to go on vacation. Don't you want to get away from your little prison camp for awhile?"

"Uh...yes, General, but..."

"Then it's settled. I'll expect you to meet me at my house in two days."

Klink hung up the phone, shaking with dread.

He had just received a call from General Burkhalter, requesting him to go along as the general's "personal assistant" for the General's (and his wife's) summer vacation to Paris. He would welcome the opportunity to leave, normally-after all, he really was not enjoying all the paperwork Berlin kept wanting him to complete lately-but he already didn't enjoy being around General Burkhalter, let alone his private servant on his vacation. It wasn't really as though he could refuse, though...so he could only hope the week with General Burkhalter and his equally annoying wife went by quickly...

Two days later...

Kinch turned off the radio with a sigh. He and Hogan were in the tunnels, receiving the latest message from London.

"Well, what did they say, Kinch?"

"London wants us to meet up with an Underground agent that lives over twenty-five miles from here tomorrow night. They said it was of great importance. What they didn't say is how they expected us to get there and back before someone notices we're missing."

"Well, old Bald Eagle is leaving today...that means Schultz is in charge. I see no reason for us to worry about getting there with him around. I think the hardest thing is to sell the story, but I'll see what LeBeau can do."

"Hey Schultz!" LeBeau poked his head around a corner, hoping to get Schultz's attention.

Schultz was trudging past Barracks 2 when he noticed someone called out his name.

"Cockroach! What is it?"

"Schultz, I was just thinking...have you thought about your great aunt Elsa lately? How is she doing?"

"Well, actually I haven't seen her in quite awhile, so I hope she is well."

"What do you mean, you haven't seen her in awhile? Isn't she a widow who lives alone? What if she fainted from the heat? Or fell in a hole while walking to town? Or what if she ran into a wolf while picking flowers in the woods?"

Schultz's eyes narrowed slightly. "Isn't that last part from the story of Red Riding Hood?"

"It doesn't matter, Schultz! Wouldn't you feel terrible knowing something happened to her and you didn't know?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"Is everyone so stubborn in this country? There's no reason for you not to visit her tonight. Klink will be gone...you can use his car."

"I don't know if the Kommandant would like that..."

"Nonsense! He doesn't have to know. You can go after dark and no one will even notice. And I'll even make some apple strudel for you and your aunt."

"Why would you want to make apple strudel for me and my great aunt?"

"Schultz, even if we are enemies, don't you consider us to be friends? What else are friends for?"

Schultz considered it for a moment. He really couldn't resist an offer for strudel...

"Okay, Cockroach...I'll take her some of your strudel tonight and see how she's doing."

LeBeau rolled his eyes heavenward as Schultz turned and walked away. It was almost too easy.

"We're here!" Klink exclaimed when he, General Burkhalter, and the General's wife finally arrived in Paris.

"We're not at our destination yet, Klink."

"You mean we've flown from Hammelburg to Paris, and we're still not there?" Klink asked.

"Klink, you idiot... we're in the right city. But we are staying outside of the city. Now, see to our bags. And fetch us some water. And..."

Klink sighed inwardly. It was going to be a long week.

The night of Klink's departure from Stalag 13, Corporal Langenscheidt was making his evening rounds past Barracks 2 when suddenly a window was thrown open in front of him.

"Carter! Shut that right now. You know having the windows open at night is verboten."

"But it's so hot in here...you wouldn't want us all to die and Klink blame you when he comes back, would you?"

"Well...okay. As long as you are not...how do you put it? Horsing around?"

"Hey... speaking of horses...did I ever tell you I once accidentally bought a horse? I was at this auction, you know, and they were bidding on an old brown mare, and they were nearing the end of the bidding, when someone stepped on my foot, so I yelled..."

Carter continued to ramble on, while, unbeknownst to Langenscheidt, a figure clothed in black slipped out of Barracks 2 and into the vehicle Schultz was driving that night.

Newkirk silently sneaked back to Schultz's great aunt's house, just as the door from the house squeaked open.

"Good night, Aunt Elsa!" Schultz said loudly just as Newkirk squeezed into the truck of the car and shut it. Blimey, that was a quick ten seconds, he thought, out of breath from running. The Underground agent that he had met with did not live far from Schultz's great aunt's house, but it seemed like a ways considering the amount of time Newkirk had to cover the distance. Just a few more minutes and I wouldn't have made it back to the car before he left.

On the ride back, he mentally reviewed the information he had been given by the Underground agent. Yes, indeed, I can see why London found this information so important...

To be anywhere but here right now...

Klink was on a lake, rowing a small canoe for General Burkhalter. Rowing the boat was no easy task, with the boat being rather small and the general being rather large. But Klink had to admit, being out on the water wasn't the worst thing in the world, at least, until...suddenly there was a cracking sound. A crack on the side of the canoe caused it to begin filling with water, and it began to tip to one side.

"Klink, do something! I can't swim!"

"You...you what, Herr General?"

"I said, I can't..."

With that, the general tipped out of the canoe.

"He's fallen in the water!" General Burkhalter's wife screamed from the shore.

By this time, the boat had basically capsized.

General Burkhalter was flailing in the water hopelessly. Klink was at a complete loss at what to do...he had no idea how to rescue someone from the water who weighed twice as much as he did...but then...he realized his feet were touching the bottom...

"Herr General, it's shallow! You can stand!"

It took a moment for the words to register, but finally the General stopped flailing long enough to understand what Klink said and stood up.

For a moment, they both said nothing. Then Klink broke the silence. "Sorry about that, General Burkhalter."

"Sorry! Klink, you idiot! Why didn't you notice the boat was cracked?"

Despite Klink's best attempts to make the General happy, it seemed as though he was getting nowhere...

A week later...

"How was your little vacation, Klink?" Major Hochstetter sneered. He was once again paying an (unwanted) visit to Stalag 13.

"It was...umm...good...Major. But it's good to be back."

"I see. Well, guess what went missing while you were gone?"

"I'm sure I would have no idea, Major..."

"A truck! And do you know what that truck was carrying?"

"Uhh..."

"Ammunition and top secret maps...which have now fallen into the hands of the Allies. And do you know why all this has happened, Klink?"

"Well, I..."

"Because an Underground agent was somehow able to get word out to the Allies as to what that truck was carrying! Klink, who was in charge of your prisoners while you were gone?"

"Major Hochstetter, if you think my prisoners did all that, I can assure you...

"Assure me of nothing! Klink, if I find any trace that this camp was connected to this sabotage, I can assure you that heads will roll!"

With that, Major Hochstetter slammed his hand on Klink's desk and stormed out of the office.

Hogan unplugged the coffeepot that they used to listen in on Klink's office.

"Colonel, you don't think Hochstetter will connect that Underground agent with this, do you?" Kinch said worriedly.

"We can only hope not. In the meantime, the nearest damsel in distress comes first; I may yet have to once again save Klink from the Russian Front."

THE END

All Short Story Speedwriting prompts are in bold. The line "You mean we've flown from Munich to Paris, and we're still not there?" was changed to "Hammelburg to Paris" since it didn't seem realistic for them to head that far southeast from Stalag 13.