Author Notes: Hello again, everyone! As usual, a tiny idea that was meant to be nothing more than a humorous one shot morphed into two chapters. Enjoy the first one :)

Summary: Lan QiRen may be one of the many rule-bound, unbending and unforgiving elders of Gusu Lan, but he's also an uncle.

Setting: Post-CQL/The Untamed.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: The Untamed series is based on the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation novel which belongs to Mo Xiang Tong Xiu.

- Story Start -

Every two weeks, the elders of Gusu Lan met for a couple of hours. Since most of them were retired cultivators and more often than not, grown reclusive, it was a chance for them to catch up with each other on news within Cloud Recesses or the Cultivation World at large.

In the summers and early autumn, that meant a soak in the Cold Pool when the afternoon sun rendered the air a little warmer and the water a little less frigid. In colder weather, the meetings were held indoors with hot tea and a meal to ward off the chill.

QiRen was more than aware of what the junior disciples termed these meetings. He had caught phrases in passing such as 'The Ancients' Afternoon', 'The Elders' Excursion' and even 'The Geriatrics' Get together', the last one coined by that irrepressible Lan JingYi.

It so happened that today's meet up at the Cold Pool was delayed by a few hours due to an unexpected shower right after lunch. They had only chatted for perhaps an hour or so when a familiar voice was heard and WangJi and Wei WuXian came over the bridge overlooking the Cold Pool hand in hand, towels and a change of clothes over their arms.

Apparently, they preferred to enjoy the Cold Pool in the late afternoon.

Wei WuXian had returned to Cloud Recesses after traveling for a year. QiRen had had ample time to mull over a few things in his absence and just nodded when WangJi informed him, making a few small changes to his routine to ensure he kept out of Wei WuXian's way as much as possible. He stopped visiting the Jingshi and requested that WangJi meet him at his quarters instead. Whenever he intended to visit the Library Pavilion, he took care to mention it to WangJi the day before.

So far, it had worked well. He and Wei WuXian only bumped into each other a handful of times since his return. The Yiling Patriarch still preferred dark coloured robes and today's was no different - dark blue and tailored to his figure, no doubt one of many gifted by WangJi. His messy hair was, as usual, tied up with a red ribbon.

The sounds of loud splashing caught QiRen's attention and he turned to see the other elders exiting the Cold Pool en masse, inner robes and trousers clinging to their bodies. Looking displeased and muttering among themselves, they grabbed their clothes and, ignoring WangJi and Wei WuXian's formal bows, marched past them as if they were invisible and left.

QiRen, the only one still sitting in the pool at this time, found himself staring after their retreating figures, taken aback at the unexpected slight. True, WangJi had fought and injured them when he defended Wei WuXian at the Burial Mounds, but that had been sixteen - no, seventeen years ago! He had been severely punished for it, on top of the injuries he had sustained, while all the elders had made a full recovery since then.

Ignoring Wei WuXian was something QiRen could understand... but they hadn't even acknowledged WangJi! Not to mention they had left without even saying a word to him!

Fuming, QiRen turned back to see WangJi speaking in a low voice to an annoyed looking Wei WuXian and decided it was time for him to leave as well. He stood up and waded to where his folded robes lay on one of the white stones lining the path.

"WangJi. Wei WuXian." QiRen felt obliged to greet the Yiling Patriarch in the light of the other elders' snub, feeling at a severe disadvantage with wet hair and clad in equally wet inner clothes.

"Uncle, our apologies for cutting short your meeting," WangJi said.

"Uncle QiRen, my apologies as well!" Wei WuXian gave him a dazzling smile.

QiRen opened his mouth to protest at being called uncle and closed it with a snap. The least said to Wei WuXian the better, particularly as QiRen still resembled a drowned rat at the moment.

"Uncle, your forehead ribbon is missing."

Startled, QiRen raised a hand to his forehead and found it bare.

"I will help you find it," WangJi said and began untying his sash.

"I will too!" Wei WuXian added and pulled his own sash loose.

WangJi disrobed at a slower speed, pausing to fold each article of clothing and place them in a tidy pile on a nearby stone. Wei WuXian, on the other hand, ripped his robes off as if they were on fire, letting them fall carelessly to the ground.

A bell began clanging inside QiRen's head.

"Wei WuXian, let WangJi find it," he said.

Another blinding smile flashed his way.

"It's no bother, Uncle QiRen! I'm faster than Lan Zhan anyway, the ol' fuddy duddy."

The syrupy adoration in his voice turned the term into a cringe-worthy endearment judging by the soft look WangJi gave him. Suppressing a shudder that had nothing to do with the afternoon breeze on his wet skin, QiRen glared at WangJi who was carefully stepping out of his outer trousers.

By now, Wei WuXian was already in his under clothes. A black boot flew in one direction, its twin in the other. If those two went north and south, then the two bunched up socks that followed went east and west.

QiRen opened his mouth to let the disparaging words crowding his tongue have their way when Wei WuXian skipped to the water's edge. The alarm bell inside his head grew louder, more insistent.

"Wei WuXian, do not trouble yourself," QiRen called, panic evident in his voice. "WangJi will find it."

If he managed to undress in this century, he fumed, forgetting all the hours he had impressed upon a small XiChen and a smaller WangJi about attending to their ablutions with deliberation and precision. His insistence came back to bite him on the behind as WangJi, having removed his white boots and socks and placed them beside his clothes, now proceeded to demonstrate that same deliberation and precision on Wei WuXian's discarded clothes. He picked up the dark robes and trousers, shook each one out, folded them neatly and placed them on top of his pristine white ones (as if dirt could show up on them at all!)

QiRen cast a desperate look at Wei WuXian who now had one foot in the water while laughing at how icy it was, no doubt a daily ritual from the tiny fond smile WangJi sent his way. QiRen pressed his lips together when WangJi picked up up a black boot, turned it upside down and shook it carefully (as if a stray grain of sand would abrade the tender soles of the Yiling Patriarch's feet!) and going after the other, looking like he had all the time in the world.

QiRen gnashed his teeth at the proof that the Yiling Patriarch had somehow reduced HanGuang Jun to doing a maid's chores.

"I think I see something shiny over there!"

Startled, QiRen turned back to the pool to see Wei WuXian wading towards the spot he had sat earlier. The alarm bell inside his head grew deafening.

"Wei WuXian!" He sounds like he's being strangled. "Wait-"

"Don't worry, Uncle QiRen!" Wei WuXian bent down and plunged a hand into the water, long hair obscuring his face.

"No! Stop!" QiRen choked out. "Only parents and spouse may touch-"

"Got it!"

A triumphant fist was raised high in the air with a familiar white ribbon dangling from it, sunlight flashing off the metal piece and water streaming from both fist and ribbon.

QiRen felt his heart skip two beats. He stared, eyes bugging out and mouth agape, words failing him completely. Then he whirled around to see WangJi still standing on the bank, one of Wei WuXian's socks in hand.

QiRen swung back to Wei WuXian.

"Give that to me this instant!"

If Wei WuXian thought it odd that he didn't seem appreciative, he didn't show it, still grinning happily at him.

"Of course, Uncle QiRen! Oh, don't get in again, I'm coming over!"

QiRen splashed into the Cold Pool regardless, desperate to minimise the time his precious ribbon spent clutched in the Yiling Patriarch's fist. As soon as he returned to his rooms, he was going to wash it in pure water collected from the highest point of the waterfall that fed the Cold Pool. Then he would pass it through agarwood incense smoke at least a dozen times before letting it dry on a clean cloth to recover from the impure touch of Wei WuXian.

"Uncle, be careful!"

WangJi's voice seemed to come from far away. QiRen didn't realise he was experiencing tunnel vision, his ribbon bobbing towards him was all that could see. He took a larger step and his foot slipped on a particularly smooth stone.

"Uncle!"

"Watch out, Uncle QiRen!"

He pitched forward. The last thing he saw were two round eyes fringed by impossibly long eyelashes, two bunny teeth in an open mouth and Wei Wuxian's shriek ringing in his ears, "Lan Zhannnnnnnn!"

Then QiRen fell onto Wei WuXian and they both went under, sight and sound cutting off, icy water shooting up his nose.

When he finally surfaced - he refused to admit that it was thanks to Wei WuXian grabbing the back of his robe to haul him up right - he started coughing fit to raise the dead, one hand pressed to his heaving chest, the other grabbing a slender arm. He released that arm as soon as he realised whose it was, tried to move away to put much needed distance between them... only to jerk to a halt after one step.

He looked down. His forehead ribbon was attached to both their wrists.

What?

How?!

QiRen gaped at the horrifying sight. He could feel his meridian points about to pop wide open one by one. WangJi was now standing beside them, looking as shocked as he felt while Wei WuXian started giggling - of all the useless, nonsensical things to do in such a situation!

As if he had heard him, Wei WuXian stopped laughing and turned to WangJi.

"Lan Zhan," he said nervously, "does this mean what I think it means? That I get another husband?"

To QiRen's mounting horror, WangJi nodded, looking rather green in the face.

"No!" QiRen shouted and bolted upright, eyes wide open.

He was sitting up in bed in his darkened room, not standing in the Cold Pool in the late afternoon sunshine. He was alone and not tethered to the Yiling Patriarch. He was dry except for a thin layer of sweat on his skin.

It was dark and quiet except for his gasping, wheezing breaths. When he swung to his bedside table, his forehead ribbon was there, neatly folded and not tied to, or around, anything or anyone.

A nightmare, that was all it was.

QiRen breathed in and out, in and out. Slowly, his heart beat began to slow down. Pulling his legs in to sit cross legged and placing his trembling hands on them, he closed his eyes and meditated to calm himself. When he next opened his eyes, the sky was still pitch dark, but his internal body clock told him it was almost time to get up.

A troubled frown pulled his eyebrows together. Was his dream somehow related to the ceremony that would take place later this morning?

It was just a small and simple ceremony with no outsiders informed or invited; just himself, XiChen and the rest of the Lan elders to bear witness to a formality. Hardly one befitting the Lan Sect Leader and Chief Cultivator, but it was the only way QiRen could persuade the elders to attend.

The bell chimed, signalling it was five in the morning. Time to start a new day. QiRen found himself breathing a silent prayer that it would go well.

- Chapter End -

A/N: Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed it :)