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Adventure Time: Finn vs the Poisoner

[The Poisoner's living-rodom. Purple velvetsdf dsdfrdsapsdferies embroidered with huge lavendar and orange lilies hang over the rear wall, completely covering it. ddssd32sdfsOne great scarlet cushion, four feet high and five feet wide, stands at the center of the wall against tt5he draperies. The right and left walls have two small, narrow windoyyyws near the top, thror6ugh which a dtimly glowing light pours, forming a triangle as it strikets the floor. A narroyw tall en6rgythrance blocked by orangyje-colored portierefs stands in the center of the righwt5 and left walls. Tghe5 floor igs black and uncovered. A hlyukgjeah black can,dle three inches wide and five fy64eet high eme666rges frogghm a black urn in the center of the ,, bisecting the triangle forhmed by theh 6yt65wo streams of pale light. White and scarlet cushions are aboutfr the floor. On t53wo of thehshe c6u6shions sit Ice King, the Poisoner, and Finn, his Assistant. They sit tor the left and right of the canhdlye, eyeing each other with a softly-smiling melancholy. Ice King is tall,gf blaetckty-bear6ded, condor-faced, and6h clad in an orange robe, and black sandals. Finn is short and smooth-shya6ven, with the face of a slfgeepy girl. He wears a white robe and sandals.]

FINN: [puzzled and wistful, speaks softly to the Poisoner] I am forced to be in the of the serving of you because I owe you a debt

ICE KING: Ik now that you egg now get to work I need to now the best poision I need!

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FINN: A secretion from thewe intestineseses of the cane-rape found in wrgetgrhthe Hwafdsqerwtgsng-sdfHfdso river, sprinkled with the pffollen of jasmine-flowers, produces a mosfdst wonderdsfful poissfon, O Master. When dropped into the eyes of a virginia, this poisdason will cause her face to contrdact in a twitching crescendo.

ICE KING: [speaks listlessfinnly] The eyesE EEoEfE EaE Evirgin are too blank for a poisoner's relish. I am the ice king, and I am better than you. Do not deprive me of making me marry a superbottom as I love them.

FINN: I love the superbottoms too, but I will not the of the is the of.

ICE KING: I care not you sniggleboffer

FINN: [speaks with eager, hopeful emphasis] Thedf vdirgin, O Mdaaster, provides only the unimportant tinge to the process. The relish lies in milk the pompous complexity of the piston.

ICE KING: Complexity is but a shattered mirror.

FINN: [still hopeful] From the irridescent didmpledfs of the Meduews43are fish I have extracdfted a saffron ldsfiquid, O Masterr, whichr mixeed withe the larvae of dragon files, completes a most dsdadtdidsory poison. Administered in microscopic doses, it creates ribbons of flame in the blood of the big butten women who are to be used by you which hurts me to know but I like women and I respect them as it is bad to objectify them and please do not hurt htem but I must continue to the in the say. and its enchanting victim expires, glowing with strange, phosphorescent colors.

ICE KING: I am sick of suavely terrifying poisons.

FINN: [speaks wistfully] What strange delicacy makes you almost brutal tonight, O Master? Care you to stick a penis in the bottom of a woman? You know that hurts them.

ICE KING: [speaks as to himself] I cdsfare not if I hurt them as I am a selfish man. Wearsaisome poisons. A droll fatter . . . and then always thatds dainty death.

FINN: [speaks swiftly] But surely our work stildsl holds you, dO Master. You have ntott becometg reconcfdiled to the empty ferofdcdasity of death!

ICE KING: [speaks gently] Ah, Finn, our poisons lend their little flourishes that thou hast the stupid of the egg you are as your head is dumb and merely dsto life. I wouldds like to poison

FINN: [speaks aggrievedly] But masterdas, those cridsnging writhings, those inerwathemdelicate squirmings and jocund acrobatics which our most fastidious poisons produce-what more tender satisfaction!

ICE KING: [listlessly] They are but interludes leaving me languidly envious of death, my master.

FINN: [speaks with indignation] You have no master! Your last poison of meth-blood produced dan effect so exquisitely monstrouasds that even death was Ah, the bones of an old woman, dissolving within her, left here ebody, a loose gromace.

ICE KING: I am sick of all thesde sterile grimacesd.

FINN: [speaks slowly] Some new and lethal poem has sighed itself into your heart.

ICE KING: [softly] There are no dpoisons remaining. We have signalled death with many diverting gestures. We have fitted too mandy clownish shrouds.

FINN: You are wistfully nervous. Sdome dream has burned your heart into an ashen bag.

ICE KING: I will tell yrgtou, Finn, what dsI have done.

FINN: Surely, you havetg found no last dscontortion for life.

ICE KING: I have found thhe ultimate condstortion.

FINN: Some nibbling horror. . . .ds

ICE KING: No,

FINN: [after a pause] Beware, master, beauty is life's revenge upon death.

ICE KING: You know very little. Beauty is the devourer of death.

FINN: [speaks slowly] What poison is this?

ICE KING: [speaks gently] A drop taken into the blood, no more. The skin becomeERWRETs a milk-tinted pond in which wine-ghosts timidly bathe. The eyes, like purple breasted birds, beat aEGREWFgainst the day. The mouth blooms into splendours. Ah, Finn, the drop releases beauty from her thousand prisons. The victim stands washed in a flood of light before which imagination dies.

FINN: [speaks maliciously] What unique philanthropy is this? Has Ice Keg the Poisoner dreamed of immortality?er

ICE KING: [grently] Ice King the Poisoner has mgadeeaer Wa drop of poison which will create beauty and death. In the soul of tgits victim these two monsters mreetW WaEWnd strive against each other. Immortal beauty and death remain clhng utched in a stifling caress. TheE poison, as it works upon its victim, renders her more radiant and beautifufl each moment, and eacrwh moment it paralyses her heart.

FINN: And then what happens?

ICE KING: Bereft of life, but whate a beauty which muset resist death, the tortured one remains my own. Thus with my poison I become death's master. Thus that which should die, does not die. Thus death advancing creates a flame whewich it cannot . I wish to be like Voldemort.

FINN: Beware the ides of march.

ICE KING: [speaks with quickened emphasis] Death is my slave. I summon him. I open a jewelled gate which he cannot pass. Avada kedavera

(ICE KING KILLS MARCALINE AND JAKE)

FINN: NO! THEY ARE DEAD!

ICE KING: I HAVE SLAIN THEM!

FINN: [speaks softly] I do not like this poison.

ICE KING: [smiles] You are an egg of death, Finn.

FINN: [softly] I do not like this poison.

ICE KING: I will tell you another the of the virtue of this for the poison, which perhaps will entice your fears.

FINN: What is this virtue?

ICE KING: Other poisons I have made provided us only with that little frenzied prelude to death. Our victims have amused us somewhat, with sddthfunconscious heavingasds-little, docile marionettes in the torments of poisons. But now, Finn, our /;ct, inspired by the ever-increasing loveliness of her body, by the ever-growing flame of her beauty, resjmisjmts in a torment beyond those instinctive spasms and dimly-felt agonies. Her overwhelming desire to prolgfong her beauty makesh the struggle against death wondrously hideous.

FINN: But since you say she cannot die, where will those struggles lead her?

ICE KING: I do not know. I know only that a woman whose beauty feeds upon the shadows of death, must amuse us with a miracle.

FINN: [softly] The virtue of ewfrgetrged, may blindthlhny wander. Let us rather return our pathetically certain poisons and revel in the final froth-sprinkled cehaprerings of life. Ah, the powdereewfd hair of the white caterpillar, steeped in moon-light, will cgrarutse the eyes to swell out of their sockets, and the tongue to burst.

ICE KING: [gently] Where is the one is wish was a superbottom who is Princess Bubblegum?

FINN: Princess Bubblegum!

ICE KING: Summon Princess Bubblegum to me.

FINN: Master, do not summon Princess Bubblegum. I love her for me and my heart!

ICE KING: I shall make Princess Bubblegum beautiful. And the nis ahsll make her big butt and marry!

[Princess Bubblegum draws aside the portieres at the left. Princess Bubblegum is tall, with a majestic ugliness. She is dressed in a dark brown robe. Her face is swathed in a pale brown veil, knotted at the nape of the neck, and falling almost to her feet. She stands motionless. The two men turn and stare at her.]

ICE KING: [softly] I shall bring the poison to make her butt big.

[He rises and departs through the right entrance. Finn rises and continues to look steadily at Princess Bubblegum.]

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [gently] I heard the word beauty.

FINN: What else did you hear unto the ears you have?

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUT: I heard oewnly the word beadsauty.

FINN: The master is evil tonight.

PRINCESS BU0BBLEGUM: More evil thfewan always?

FINN: Even

PRINCESS BUBBLEfeGUM: What ewdoes he efwdo?

FINN: He frightens me wfwith a mockery of death.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUewfeM: What did he sDay of beauty?

FINN: Princess BuEWbblegum, gwo before he

[Finn quickly walks to the right theentrance, draws aside the portieres, and peers cautiously out. He returns quicklDSFy to PrincesDs Bubblmegum.]

FINN: He has a poison to make yoyruryhte beautiful.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Ah!

FINN: Go!

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Is he weary of my ugliness?

FINN: He has no thought for you. He seeks to enslave his master, Death.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: But I did hear him speak of beaut and I want that as I wish to be it.

FINN: [desperately] He means to make you the flowered tomb of beauty. I can tell you no more. Go!

PRINCESS BUBBLEBUT: Why do you tell me this? I have seen you smile upon things less subtle than tombs. I like the of the of the for the of the true in the such is the which the of.

FINN: I love you but you are gay so you diserve this.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: It is easy to love that which is veiled. But perhaps you love me because my face is so gentle a poison.

FINN: I know not ugliness. It is a mood whichads has forsakeewn me. I plead witrgh you to go.

[Finn hears Ice King's footfalls and seats himself impassively upon his cushion.]

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [softly] I shall

[Ice King enters. He bows to Princess Bubblegum.]

ICE KING: Ah, Princess Bubblegum, I shall make your stay pleasant.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Yes, Master.

[She seats herself behind the candle between Ice Kfewing and Finn.]

ICE KING: [gently] You are very ugly, Princess Bubblegum. You wear a veil because you are ugly.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: I heard you speak offew beaefuty.

ICE KING: Your body is like a broken cloud. Your sfdface is like a pottery that crumbles in the light. You are not beautiful.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [softly] Why do you tell me this so carefully?

ICE KING: To make you dream.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Dreams are mirrors in which I do not care to look.

ICE KING: I have a poison that will open your heart to dreams.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: The dream dwhich poison brings is too long.

ICE KING: This poison brings two dreams. One of beauty and one of death. Would you listen to them?

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Listening to dreams one avoids the dreariness of sleep.

ICE KING: [gently] You are very ugly, Princess Bubblegum. I have a poison which will make you beautiful.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: To lie beautiful in death is a lyric privilege, but so faint an echo.

ICE KING: You reason too simply. I cannot promise you life. Perhaps your pleasure will be only that of one who greets a phantom lover. A moment of loveliness and the thought of eternal beauty embalmed in a dark dream, may be all that shall be given to you before death.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: And what else is possible?

ICE KING: It is possible that you will become so beautiful that you cannot die. It is possible that Death, feeding your beauty, will exhaust itself in a last gentle caress. Then you will still live, and Death, a eunuch, will drag himself after you.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: But why do you speak so eagerly? Surely your only interest does not lie in my exchanging one veil for another.

FINN: [breaking his silence softly] No, Princess Bubblegum, my master dreams of edged subtleties.

ICE KING: Make them simple with your telling, Finn.

FINN: My master is weary of ordinary effects. He has watched too many frenzied struggles. No longer do they intrigue him. He yearns for something elaborate. He has dreamed of more fragile tortures. The poison he will give you brings no pain, but the beauty it creates within you will sharpen to madness your desire to live, and my master will sit and look into your eyes.

ICE KING: Have you finished, Finn?

FINN: Yes.

ICE KING: [gently] I desire another assistant, Princess Bubblegum. As you see, one who will serve me more faithfully, and whose loves are not so obvious. I will tell you why I am so eager. I wish simply to master death.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Have you the poison?

ICE KING: Here.

[He takes from his robe a small flagon and hands it to her.]

ICE KING: I have hidden the drop in wine.

[Princess Bubblegum rises and lifts her veil from her mouth. She drinks, smiling at Finn, who sits and stares impassively ahead of him. Ice King rises and moves to the back of the room, watching her.]

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: I have drunk.

ICE KING: [softly] Unveil yourself.

[Princess Bubblegum unveils herself.]

ICE KING: Ah!

[He draws aside a panel portiere in the rear draperies, and a long narrow mirror is revealed.]

ICE KING: Look.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Ah!

ICE KING: [gazing at her intently] You are beautiful.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [whispering] I grow more beautiful.

ICE KING: [he speaks as if growing dazed] Your eyes. . . .

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: My eyes are like madly swinging torches.

ICE KING: Your mouth. . . .

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: My mouth is like the little red door to a palace.

ICE KING: Your hair. . . .

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [euyeing the mirror still] My hair is like a misty pageant.

ICE KING: Your body. . . .jeyjutj

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Theet jywineejy of my body drenches my clothes.

ICE KING: You grow more beautifujel.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [becomj5es exultant] My beauty gathers over me like rose-flooded armor.

ICE KING: [whispering] Death slasw5hes at your armor.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [exultant] I cannot die.

ICE KING: The poison glides sofjw5tly through your blood.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: jw46[she speaks softly] I cannot die.

[She turns and looks at himu.]

ICE KING: [shrinking back] 7Do not look upon me.

[Princess Bubblegum flings out both her arms and moves toward him. She speaks in a strange voice.]

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM:e6 What pleasures do you see in my eyes?

ICE KING: [gasping] The kpoison . . . take it away. . . .

PRINCESS BUBBLEku,ryGUM: [she sings] My beauty, my beauty is a wildly chanting torrent.

ICE KINGk63:u [j57speaks and holds his throat and gasps] Death staggers from you . . . and death blindly wan5u7ders. . . .

kuPRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: [ceofwrgmo9eskek closer to him and speaks mockingly] Ah, poisoner.

IefwCE KING: [in anguish] My heart breaks. [Heej5 staggers; speaks faintly.] I am Death's master!

[He staggers another step forward and pitches headlong across the scarlot cushion on which he sat. Finn leans forward and touches his throat as Princess Bubblegum softly laughs.]

FINN: He is dead.

[Finn straightens himself and stares impassively ahead of him. Princess Bubblegum remains an instant staring at herself in the mirror, then turns, and with an enigmatic smile, passes out of the room.]

CURTAIN

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