By: Stew Pid

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: Preface: hey!! Remember me? It's been a while. I've missed you all so much! This is the continuation to 'Season 3 as I have it' which some of you read and for which some requested a continuation. Now, my Season 3 went very differently from the actual one, and I have decided that while I will try to bring some of the real Season 3 into this subtly, for the most part, out of sheer impossibility, this will not be anywhere in the vicinity of what will be the real Season 4, and will also fail to bare much resemblance to the real Season 3. Though, in defense of my psychic abilities, I would like to briefly state where my Season 3 and the real Season 3 overlap. The obvious, Rory and Jess do get together. Paris meets a guy in Washington that she likes. The idea of Lorelai dating Kirk arises in both (the real GG writers weren't brave enough to actually do it, and I wasn't much braver.) Jess and Dean fight. Fran dies, and the implication to follow. Lorelai gets a love interest (both of the real ones were more handsome than what I had in mind for Bill). Jess' father's return (in real season 3)/ "return" (in my own.) Sookie gets pregnant. I could go on (not for too long and it would involve some serious stretching of correlations), but I won't. Anyway, Miss Cleo already rejected my application for employment.

So anyway, this fic is dedicated to all of my readers, especially AvidTVFan, without whom this would never have been written (so you know who to blame, not just me). Well, you know the drill. For those of you who don't—the best comprehension of this fic would be to read 'Season 3 as I have it,' but I wouldn't inflict that punishment on anyone and then expect them to read this. You might just have to read the last chapter 'season finale' though, and then you should be able to fall into the swing of what has happened. This will be 15 chapters because 7 is the lucky number that marks my complete inferiority to Amy Sherman Palladino. Each chapter is 11 Word document pages long, font size 10. So yeah, they're long. For visual health, I recommend reading it in bits and pieces should you choose to read it at all. No one's watching if you decide you can't finish a whole chapter in one sitting. Although, considering my proven psychic abilities, I'll probably know, but I really don't mind. =) So enough StewPid-ness. On to the fic. Hope you like it.

(After three days of revelry, Fall Festival has ended. Lorelai and Rory are walking and looking around town.)

Lorelai: Wow.

Rory: I know.

Lorelai: I mean, this is how the town looks every other day of the year, but after three days of Fall Festival decorations it always looks so different.

Rory: Especially this year. Taylor really went all out.

Lorelai: And now it's all gone.

Rory: Gone with the wind.

Lorelai: Like the autumn leaves.

Rory: Aren't we feeling poetic today?

Lorelai: It's the fall.

Rory: It must be.

Lorelai: That and you mentioned Gone With the Wind, which always makes me want to use my southern accent.

Rory: What does your terrible imitation of a southern accent have to do with being poetic?

Lorelai: Because I always wanted to hear Shakespeare in a southern accent.

Rory: I can't believe I had to ask.

Lorelai: You know what it is about the autumn?

Rory: Anything to save me from the thought of Shakespeare in your southern accent.

Lorelai: Everything changes.

Rory: Everything starts to die.

Lorelai: Hello, Mr. Sunshine.

Rory: Well, you know, the trees, the flowers, the daylight.

Lorelai: Schools start, the guests at the Inn change from the summer crowd to the fall/winter crowd.

Rory: Summer clothes go to the back of the closet, and you have to start pulling forward the sweaters and the winter clothes.

Lorelai: Ugh. No more open-toe shoes. (Rory smiles sympathetically to a crushed Lorelai.)

Rory: Yep. All gone with the wind.

Lorelai: This talk is making me hungry. As God is my witness, I will never be hungry again!

Rory: Look. Tara. (points to Luke's.) You know, Luke's always looks the same. Summer, Winter, Fall, Spring, it's the same old Luke's. Which reminds me, we haven't been in a while. I thought you guys made up.

Lorelai: We did.

Rory: So why aren't we going to Luke's anymore?

Lorelai: We're not going to Luke's any less. We don't always go to Luke's.

Rory: We haven't been today. We didn't go yesterday. I went before that, but you didn't, and you suddenly got that strange stomach virus that has no outward symptoms the day of the pie-eating contest so we didn't go to Luke's then either, and Kirk ended up getting our silver medal.

Lorelai: Those strange new stomach viruses always have the worst timing.

Rory: So what's going on?

Lorelai: Nothing. This is part of your college preparation process. You're going to go away and experience far off new places. So, I have to start weaning you off the old places.

Rory: I might not be going so far off.

Lorelai: You're really serious about not wanting to go to Harvard?

Rory: I don't know. I might go. I'm just not as adamant about it as before. I realize I still have things to consider.

Lorelai: (sees Jess working in the diner) Things?

Rory: Yes.

Lorelai: Like?

Rory: Like everything. I mean, you, the town, everything. I'm just not sure I'm ready to be so far away from it all. And then so close to dad and everything happening on his end. I'm just not sure I'm ready for all of that on top of getting a college education.

Lorelai: Well, sounds fair enough. But just remember. Harvard's been your dream and sometimes dreams are worth the costs.

(Rory nods and they walk quietly for a bit. Then Rory remembers)

Rory: So remind me again why we walked right by Luke's?

(Meanwhile at Luke's. Jess is taking orders. Luke is about to go out when he sees Lorelai and Rory passing. He walks over to Jess.)

Luke: Listen, I got this. Go over and tell Taylor he needs to get all those decorations out of my yard.

Jess: I'm not going to do your nagging for you. Tell him yourself.

Luke: Who pays you?

Jess: These people right here if you go away and let me take their order.

Luke: (looks out the window again and sees Lorelai and Rory are gone) Fine. (mumbling) You want something done, you gotta do it yourself. (about to leave)

Jess: Where are you going?

Luke: I'm going to talk to Taylor since you so graciously declined.

Jess: Taylor's right over there. (points to a table at the other end of the diner)

Luke: When did he come in here?

Jess: About the time you started trying to hide from Lorelai.

Luke: Just get back to your customers. (Luke goes over to Taylor.)

Taylor: Ah, Luke. I wanted to thank you for hosting our little contest. This year's Fall Festival was a tremendous success. We might even have some money left over to buy a new gavel for the town meeting. Although I'm thinking of getting a buzzer instead. After that last meeting, I think gavels might be too dangerous, and you can never be too careful, you know.

Luke: Taylor, what is all that junk doing in my yard?

Taylor: Now I knew you'd be a little testy about that. We usually store that over at Patty's but with all the new decorations this year, there just wasn't enough space. Kirk has agreed to store it at his place, but we're still waiting on permission from his mother.

Luke: I want that out of my yard before evening.

Taylor: I'll give Kirk a call. Now can I get some coffee?

Luke: In a minute.

(Luke walks over behind the counter and retrieves the coffee pot. He sees Rory coming into the diner, and ducks behind the counter. Jess, putting his order pad on the counter, leans over to look at Luke.)

Jess: Relax, Bert, she's on her own.

Luke: I dropped…

Jess: Save it for somebody stupid. (Rory walks over to the counter.)

Rory: What's going on?

Jess: Luke's just trying to spit in the coffee inconspicuously.

Rory: Is that the secret to Luke's coffee?

Luke: (standing up) Don't you kids have anything better to do? Go to school.

Jess: You're much more educational.

Rory: That's right.

(Luke walks out from behind the counter, pauses for a moment to say something, but instead returns to Taylor.)

Jess: You know it's gotten bad when he leaves us for Taylor.

Rory: Is this going to change my status here?

Jess: Nah. I'll get you your coffee.

Rory: But will Luke spit in it?

Jess: That I don't know.

Rory: (pouts for a moment) Well, I have to go to school. I'll talk to you later. (They kiss and she leaves.)

(Independence Inn. Kitchen.)

Lorelai: You and Jackson weren't at the festival this year.

Sookie: No. Jackson was away on a produce convention.

Lorelai: They actually have produce conventions?

Sookie: In Moscow.

Lorelai: Jackson went to Russia?

Sookie: Idaho.

Lorelai: Oh.

Sookie: So he came back on Monday and I wanted to stay in, have a nice dinner and everything, so I could tell him about the baby.

Lorelai: You mean you hadn't told him?!

Sookie: No. (shyly) I still haven't told him.

Lorelai: What?! Why not?! Sookie, he's the father. He is the father, right?

Sookie: Of course he's the father.

Lorelai: So how is it that I know about the baby, Rory knows about the baby, Luke knows about the baby, the whole town probably knows about the baby, and Jackson doesn't know about the baby?

Sookie: Well, it's like this. See, the day I found out about the baby was the day before Jackson had to leave for the convention. He was all rushed, trying to pack, taking pictures of his fruit, things like that, and I just didn't want to say, "hey, listen up, I'm pregnant. You're going to be a dad. Now you can get back to the squash." I don't know. I just always imagined how I would tell my husband that I was pregnant. I would make him this really big romantic candlelight dinner. And the candlesticks would be the ones from our wedding. We'd talk and then I'd look at the candlesticks and we'd reminisce about the wedding. And then I'd say, "that was the second happiest day of my life." And then he'd get all shocked and scared and wonder, "what was the first" and I would say, "Today. The day I found out I was having your child."

Lorelai: Wow. That is sweet.

Sookie: Isn't it?

Lorelai: Okay, Lucy. So why didn't you do that Monday?

Sookie: Well, I was planning to. I had the dinner, the candlesticks, everything set up. But all he could talk about was the stupid produce convention. And then I started trying to rehearse how it should go, and I realized I couldn't say, "today. The day I found out I was having your child" because I found out Friday. And if I said, Friday, he would be upset that I waited so long to tell him, and then I'd have to explain why I didn't tell him, and it'd just ruin the moment. So then I didn't know how to tell him, and he just kept going on and on about the convention and it gave me a headache so I took some aspirin and went to bed.

Lorelai: Sookie, you have to tell him. Sooner or later, he's going to find out. Do you want him to hear it from somebody else?

Sookie: Oh my God! What if he did hear it from somebody else? Are you sure the whole town knows?

Lorelai: This is Stars Hollow we're talking about.

Sookie: (moaning) Oh, you're right.

Lorelai: Sookie, you got some 'splaining to do.

(Chilton. Lunchroom.)

(The guidance counselor stands in the middle of the lunchroom and claps her hands).

Counselor: Can I have everyone's attention. (the room slowly quiets down.) We have some college representatives at the front hall for our juniors and seniors. We currently have people from Vassar, Princeton, Stanford, Drew, Harvard, and Dartmouth. Feel free to stop by and gather information or ask questions.

Louise: So are any of you going?

Paris: I'm going.

Rory: But you already applied to your schools.

Paris: Yeah, but I want to see what kind of people they chose to represent them.

Louise: I should go. I haven't applied to any schools yet.

Madeline: Me too. (they get up)

Paris: Coming, Gilmore?

Rory: No, I think I'll stay. I'll guard our table.

Paris: Fine. I'll throw in a good word for you with the Harvard representatives. I'll say you couldn't come to meet them because you broke your ankle, and only a broken ankle would keep you from meeting the fine people of Harvard.

Rory; Forget it. I'm going.

(at the front hall. Desks are stationed with the school banners. Rory and Paris approach the Harvard table.)

Woman: Hello, young ladies. My name is Cynthia Davis, class of 87. How are you?

Paris and Rory: Fine, and you?

Ms. Davis: I'm good. Thank you. (gesturing toward the book in Rory's hand) What are you reading?

Rory: Uh, Please Kill Me. It was recommended to me.

Ms. Davis: Oh, I love that book. I was a big Stooges fan.

Paris: Oh, yeah. Me too. Curly always used to crack me up.

(Ms. Davis looks oddly at Paris. Rory starts to laugh.)

Rory: Paris is not only one of the smartest in our school, but also the funniest.

(Ms. Davis starts to laugh, and Rory nudges Paris and she starts to laugh too.)

Ms. Davis: So are you girls considering applying to Harvard.

Paris: We already did.

Ms. Davis: Oh. Well, that's great. Did you have any questions for me?

Rory: Well, I was wondering what your Harvard experience was like?

Ms. Davis: Oh, okay. Well,…

(Ms. Davis and Rory are fully engaged, and Paris decides to leave. She heads toward the Princeton table. A young man advances a little, and extends his hand which Paris takes.)

Young man: Hello. Are you interested in Princeton?

Paris: I've applied.

Young man: Really? Great. What's your name?

Paris: Paris Gellar.

Young man: Nice to meet you, Paris. Jaime [Nullumnomen.]

Paris: So do you go to Princeton, Jaime?

Jamie: Yes, I do. First year undergrad. So if you have any questions about what to expect…

Paris: Well, Jaime, I expect to go to Harvard.

Jamie: (dubiously) Harvard? Really?

Paris: What? I'll have you know that Harvard has the longest tradition in this country. It was founded before this nation was even a nation. It has bred minds like Emerson and Thoreau…

Jamie: None of which had a single decent thing to say about it afterward.

Paris: Emerson boasted that most of the branches of learning were taught at Harvard.

Jamie: I wouldn't call it boasting, and didn't Thoreau retort, "All the branches, none of the roots"?

Paris: But who was Thoreau without Emerson really?

Jamie: Emerson said to the faces of Harvard graduates that colleges are built upon establishing a book-learned class. Book-learned in the context of his "American Scholar" is quite pejorative, don't you agree?

Paris: And I suppose Princeton has had nothing but glowing reviews from its alumni.

Jamie: This Side of Paradise. "its lazy beauty, its half-grasped significance, the wild moonlight revel of the rushes, the handsome, prosperous big-game crowds, and under it all the air of struggle that pervaded his class."

Paris: (rolls her eyes) Oh God. Does everyone at Princeton have that book memorized? (Jamie smiles) Well, I guess Fitzgerald is right about "that worship[…] of the bogey 'Big Man.'"

Jamie: (laughing) Yeah I guess that line only works on people who haven't memorized Fitzgerald. Really, Harvard is great. I wish you the best of luck. Do you want to take some brochures, though, just in case?

Paris: Sure.

Jamie: Great. And why don't I write my number in case you have any questions?

Paris: Uh, yeah, great.

Jamie: And why don't you give me your number so I can let you know whenever we're having open events.

Paris: Uh, okay. Fine. Whatever. (She scribbles her number down for him.)

Jamie: Great. It was great meeting you, Paris.

Paris: Yeah, same here. (walks briskly away.)

(Independence Inn. Kirk comes in.)

Michel: What do you want, Kirk? I'm very busy now.

Kirk: Are there any positions available here for employment?

Michel: Yes. I need someone to hit over the head with a marble paper-weight whenever someone asks annoying questions when I'm busy.

Kirk: Will I get medical insurance?

Michel: Of course. Would you like to begin today?

(Jackson comes in.)

Jackson: Hey, have you guys seen Sookie?

Michel: Hmm. It's lunchtime. People will be eating soon. Of course, someone has to make the food. Sookie is the chef. I wonder where she might be. Not the kitchen. Why would she be in the kitchen?

Jackson: Thanks, Michel.

Kirk: Oh, yeah, Jackson. Congratulations.

Jackson: You know? How do you know?

Kirk: I heard it from Taylor who heard it from Babette, who heard it from Patty who overheard Rory tell Jess.

Jackson: Wow. I didn't think it'd be that big a deal, but thanks.

(Jackson proceeds to the kitchen. Kirk and Michel look at each other.)

Kirk: Does the medical plan include dental?

(Kitchen.)

Sookie: David, did you taste this? (David nods.) What does it taste like to you?

David: Broccoli in a sardine cheddar sauce?

Lorelai: Sardine cheddar sauce? Bleck.

Sookie: I just thought of it today. I think it's pretty good. Don't you think, David?

David: Um, I have to go to the bathroom. (leaves)

Sookie: You want to try some?

Lorelai: Thanks, sweetie, but no. I think that it's best to keep the experiments to a minimum now that you're…in this…hormonal condition.

Sookie: Oh my God. You think it's because I'm pregnant? What if I've lost it and I'll never get it back again?

Lorelai: You haven't lost it.

(Jackson comes in)

Jackson: Lost what.

Lorelai: Her mind. Tell her she hasn't lost her mind.

Jackson: (to Sookie) You haven't lost your mind. But I might be losing mine. Do you know that all day everyone has been congratulating me over this National Produce Award? You know, I never thought people really appreciated what I do. But today, do you know Patty gave me the warmest congratulations, hugged me, and kissed me?

Lorelai: Well, Patty will take any excuse to kiss a man.

Jackson: Say whatever you want, but this has been a big affirmation for me.

Lorelai: (nudging Sookie) That's great, Jackson. Congratulations. I'm going to, um, get Michel to sing show tunes. I'll see you guys later. (leaves.)

(Sookie looks at Jackson and smiles awkwardly.)

(Stars Hollow High. Jess is smoking in the hallway. Lane walks to her locker.)

Lane: Jess, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?

Jess: I'm taking my cigarette break.

Lane: You don't get cigarette breaks in high school. You're not even supposed to smoke in the building. (waves away the smoke)

Jess: Someone memorized her student handbook.

Lane: Well, you better hurry up. We have Eco in ten minutes.

Jess: Yeah, I'm afraid I won't be able to make it. I have some things to do. I'll borrow your notes tomorrow.

Lane: Try asking first.

Jess: 'Later, Lane. (walks away.)

(Lane rolls her eyes and closes her locker.)

(Chilton. After school. Rory is walking toward the bus stop. Paris catches up with her.)

Paris: So I see you and Larry hit it off.

Rory: Ms. Davis was very nice. You should have stood.

Paris: No thanks.

Rory: So where did you go?

Paris: I went to the Princeton table.

Rory: Yeah, I didn't get a chance to stop there. How was it?

Paris: Some arrogant, narcissistic freshman pimping his school like it was the best thing since soy milk, and him by extension.

Rory: That bad, huh?

Paris: He was actually really nice. He gave me his number if I had any questions and asked for mine to let me know about events.

Rory: He asked for your number?

Paris: To let me know about open events at Princeton.

Rory: Ms. Davis had me fill out a card to be on the mailing list.

Paris: Different schools do things differently.

Rory: I guess. (Rory smiles furtively at Paris.)

(Later. At Doose's Market. Luke is in one of the aisles. Lorelai comes in with Babette.)

Babette: So the guy says to Morey, your daughter's voice ain't bad neither. You believe that? "Your daughter."

Lorelai: I'm still trying to get over the voice part.

Babette: So you know Morey says to the kid, that ain't my daughter. That's my…oh, come over here, hun, I gotta get some flour and I wanna finish telling you the story.

Lorelai: Great.

(she follows Babette into Luke's aisle.)

Babette: So Morey says, that ain't my daughter…hey, Luke, how ya doing? Excuse me. (to Lorelai) Yeah, Morey says, that ain't my daughter…Where the heck is the flour? Taylor! Or where's that nice young kid, the one Rory used to go with? Why did she break up with him anyway? You know, Taylor's probably right outside. Give me a second, hun. (Babette leaves the aisle to find Taylor.)

(Lorelai looks at Luke who is looking at a box of oatmeal.)

Lorelai: Hey.

Luke: Uh, hey. How are you?

Lorelai: Um, fine. You?

Luke: Yeah, fine.

(awkward silence.)

Luke: You know, I think they're all the same. This one's got two percent less iron, but it's cheaper, so this one it is.

Lorelai: Who needs iron anyway?

Luke: Right. (he puts the box in his basket and looks at Lorelai for a moment. She looks around for an item on the shelf.)

Lorelai: Um, I'm actually looking for beefaroni but I don't think it's here.

Luke: Two aisles down.

Lorelai: Oh. Well, thanks. I'm going to get some beefaroni.

Luke: Yeah, so, I'll see you around.

Lorelai: Yeah. (they part ways.)

(Music store. Lane is arranging CDs and Rory pulls them out for inspection.)

Lane: You get a Stooges fan from Harvard, and I get a Yani fan from Southern Adventist University.

Rory: Are you applying there?

Lane: Oh, I already did. It's a must.

Rory: Wow. Where else did you apply?

Lane: You mean my schools or my mom's schools?

Rory: Your schools.

Lane: Well, BC, NYU…

Rory: Nice.

Lane: (shyly) Berkeley

Rory: Whoa. Far. Does Mama Kim know about this?

Lane: No.

Rory: Are you going to tell her?

Lane: Eventually. If I get in. I might just wait 'til I'm there, and call her one day and say, "Hey Mama, I'm in California."

Rory: And then, the shout heard 'round the world.

Lane: Yeah.

Rory: Hey, did I ever return your Daft Punk CD?

Lane: I'd have to double-check my files, but I think you did. Don't even worry about it.

(Jess taps on the window of the store. Rory motions for him to come in. He mouths "I'll wait for you over there" and walks in the pointed direction.)

Lane: He's not allowed in here.

Rory: Why?

Lane: Do you want the list?

Rory: There's a list?

Lane: Afraid so. (Rory frowns slightly.) Please don't take this the wrong way, Rory, but Jess just doesn't seem to me your type.

Rory: You just have to get to know him.

Lane: Yeah, I guess.

Rory: Well, I have to go.

Lane: Yeah. I'll call you tonight.

Rory: Sure thing.

Lane: Have fun.

Rory: Bye.

(Outside. Jess is leaning against the wall of an adjacent store, reading.)

Rory: Hey.

Jess: Hey. Find any new CDs?

Rory: No, I was just talking to Lane.

Jess: Ah.

Rory: Lane is a good person.

Jess: That's the way this town breeds them.

Rory: She's my best friend in the world.

Jess: Well, Dr. Laura would say you're your own best friend. Or was that Dr. Ruth?

Rory: We've been friends since kindergarten.

Jess: So if I ever need to know which color crayons you eat, I should ask Lane.

Rory: If she ever needed a kidney, I'd give her mine, and if I ever needed one, I know she'd give me hers.

Jess: You swap kidneys. Got it.

Rory: Now, you're my boyfriend.

Jess: Don't tell me you swap boyfriends, too.

Rory: (sternly) Jess.

Jess: Okay. Can you just get to the point already?

Rory: My point is that it would be nice for me if my best friend and my boyfriend got along.

Jess: We get along fine.

Rory: Fine the way you and my mom get along fine?

Jess: Yes.

Rory: Fine the way you and Taylor get along fine?

Jess: Well now, that relationship is a little more complicated. Look, Rory, what do you want?

Rory: I want you to try to be better friends with Lane.

Jess: Like what? Waving to her in the hallways at school, calling her over to have lunch with me, comparing class schedules and picking extracurriculars with her.

Rory: No. Just…just (putting her arms around his neck) be nice to her. And maybe we could all hang out sometime.

Jess: Okay.

(they kiss)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Rory walks through the door.)

Rory: Mom, I'm home.

Lorelai: Hey, Rory. How was your day?

Rory: Not so bad. And yours?

Lorelai: You hungry?

Rory: Starved.

Lorelai: Good. I made beefaroni.

Rory: You made beefaroni?

Lorelai: Well, if you want to get technical, Chef Boyardee made it. But I thoroughly heated it, so I get to take the credit for it.

Rory: Fair enough. If I had known I wouldn't have brought Luke's.

Lorelai: Ugh, God bless you, my child.

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Well, see, when I was making…uh, excuse me… heating the beefaroni, it came alive, and it started bubbling up, and little bits of it started flying out of the pan, so I turned off the stove, and there was just this big glob in the middle that I'm sure was the monster that sprouted and started spewing guts all over the place. And while I'm sure it's dead now, I'm still kind of afraid of it.

Rory: You poor thing. You had to face the Beefaroni monster all alone.

Lorelai: I know.

Rory: Why didn't you just call Luke?

Lorelai: Because I didn't think he'd be as sympathetic about my experience with the Beefaroni monster as you?

Rory: I mean, why didn't you call Luke to place an order.

Lorelai: I didn't feel like picking it up.

Rory: Yes, but you could have paged me to pick it up.

Lorelai: Well, um, see, that would require me to be rational, sensible, and logical and that's what I had you for. Now fork up the grub.

Rory: (handing Lorelai the bag) Here you go.

(Rory and Lorelai are eating)

Lorelai: So how was your day?

Rory: It was okay. They had some college representatives at my school. The lady from Harvard was nice.

Lorelai: I thought you already applied to Harvard.

Rory: I did.

Lorelai: So why are you still meeting college representatives?

Rory: For the exposure.

Lorelai: Huh.

Rory: And Paris kind of talked me into it.

Lorelai: I figured a Gellar was behind this.

Rory: A Gellar?

Lorelai: Paris.

Rory: Yeah, but you said "a Gellar" like you know them all.

Lorelai: Well, I knew a Herb Gellar once and this is just the type of thing he would do too, so I knew it was either Paris or Herb, so I knew a Gellar was behind it.

Rory: You did not know a Herb Gellar.

Lorelai: How are you going to tell me that I did not know a Herb Gellar?

Rory: Because when I told you about Paris and Phil in Washington, you were talking about how they would get married and have a baby and name it Herb. Herb Gellar, and I told you that it wouldn't be Herb Gellar because it would most likely take Phil's last name to which you responded, "over Paris' dead body." So I already know that Herb Gellar is one of your many invented names for imaginary people.

Lorelai: All right, all right. So what ever happened to Phil?

Rory: Well, they never really talked after Washington, but apparently he's been replaced.

Lorelai: Yeah?

Rory: Uh huh. Paris seems to have really hit it off with the Princeton representative.

Lorelai: Hasn't she learned her lesson about long distance relationships? Then again, with Paris, that's probably the best way to have them.

Rory: So, how was your day?

Lorelai: The usual. Oh, but before I forget, you didn't tell anyone about Sookie, did you?

Rory: No. Well, I told Jess.

Lorelai: Well, that's just as good as telling no one.

Rory: Hey!

Lorelai: Come on. Who would Jess tell?

Rory: True. What's this about anyway?

Lorelai: Sookie hasn't told Jackson yet.

Rory: You're kidding me.

Lorelai: I kid you not. But somebody leaked because congratulations are going around.

Rory: So he knows?

Lorelai: No. He thinks they're talking about some produce award they won.

Rory: They give produce awards?

Lorelai: In Moscow.

Rory: Leave it to the Idahoans.

Lorelai: How did you know I didn't mean Russia?

Rory: Why would Jackson get a produce award in Russia?

Lorelai: There goes that rational, sensible, logical thing. That's right.

Rory: So who leaked?

Lorelai: I don't know.

Rory; Did you leak?

Lorelai: I only told Luke.

Rory: Well what'd you go tell Luke for?

Lorelai: He was there when Sookie told me. And like Jess wouldn't have told him after you told him.

Rory: Yes, I'm sure that's what two men would talk about over dinner. "Hey Luke, did you hear that Sookie's pregnant." "Really? Is she looking for anyone to cater the baby shower?"

Lorelai: I was thinking more the lines of, "hey, dude, guess who got knocked up?" "who?" "That chick that cooks the food." "Isn't she dead?" "Not that one, the other one." "Oh. Dude." "Yeah."

Rory: We're talking Luke and Jess. Not Beavis and Butthead.

Lorelai: Anyway, Luke wouldn't have told anyone either.

Rory: I guess not. Well, who else knew?

Lorelai: I don't know.

Rory: Oh, I also told Lane.

Lorelai: Hmm. Would Lane tell?

Rory: I don't think so.

Lorelai: I think I might have told Bootsy.

Rory: Why would you tell Bootsy?

Lorelai: Well, I was picking up some maternity magazines, and he looked at me weird so I told him they were for Sookie. But I really didn't tell him she was pregnant. She could have just been trying to get pregnant, which really isn't news.

Rory: So when is Sookie going to tell Jackson?

Lorelai: Hopefully, she already has by now. (Rory nods and they continue to eat their dinner.) I wonder what Luke and Jess do talk about up there?

(They look pensively for a moment, then shrug.)

(Next day. Outside Luke's.)

Rory: If you and Luke made up, why can't we both go into Luke's?

Lorelai: Well, because I kind of got used to waiting outside. You know habits, they're hard to break.

Rory: Would you please tell me what's going on?

Lorelai: Nothing. Fine. Let's go in.

Rory: Thank you.

(they enter.)

Jess: You're going to have to sit at the counter. There's only one table left and it's out of order.

Lorelai: A table? Out of order? How is that possible?

Rory: Maybe when you sit in it the chair caves in under you.

Lorelai: Or maybe the top of the table tips over when you put plates on it.

Rory: Or maybe it leaks when you flush it.

Lorelai: That must be it.

Jess: It has to be disinfected. And for the record, right next to that no cell-phones sign, I'm putting a big sign "No babies."

Lorelai: Good rule to abide by.

(they take a seat at the counter. Jess comes back out in rubber gloves and a mask and a bundle of detergents.)

Rory: Come to think of it, it does smell kind of funny in here.

Lorelai: I know that smell, and there's nothing funny about that smell when you have to get rid of it at 4:30 in the morning.

Rory: Eww.

(Luke comes downstairs with a woman and a baby.)

Lorelai: (to Rory) Have I been gone that long?

Woman: (to Luke) Thank you so much, and once again, I'm so sorry.

Luke: Yeah. Just get that thing out of here, will ya.

(the woman hurries quickly to the table Jess is working on to get her purse. Jess gives her an evil stare and she hesitates.)

Woman: I just need to grab my purse. (she starts forward with the baby and Jess threatens her with the disinfectant. She pulls back. He grabs her purse and gives it to her roughly.)

Woman: Thank you. I'm really sorry.

(she hurries out the diner. Luke goes over to Lorelai and Rory.)

Luke: Uh, what can I get you?

Rory: I'll have a coffee and a raspberry tart to go.

Luke: (writing in the pad) Uh huh. (He pauses for Lorelai's order but doesn't look up.)

Lorelai: Uh, same.

Luke: Okay. (walks away briskly.)

Rory: Those autumn winds must be blowing 'cause it sure is cold in here.

Lorelai: Yeah, that icy glare Jess gave that poor woman, sent shivers up my spine.

Rory: (rolls her eyes and looks back at the table) How do you think it happened?

Lorelai: I don't know. But it must have been a sight to behold.

Rory: Sookie's going to have one of those.

Lorelai: Shh. Are you trying to spread the word out even further?

Rory: She must have told him already.

Lorelai: True.

(Luke comes over.)

Luke: Here you go.

Rory: (putting the money on the counter.) Thank you.

Lorelai: Uh, yeah.

(they get up to leave. Rory is about to go over to Jess, but repelled by the smell, grabs her nose and waves, quickly exiting the diner. Lorelai follows after her.)

Lorelai: What love won't do!

(Independence Inn. Lorelai walks into the kitchen.)

Lorelai: I just saw Jackson. Were congratulations in order?

Sookie: I still haven't told him.

Lorelai: What!

Sookie: I tried. But come on. You heard him. He thought they were all congratulating him on that produce award. He thought they appreciated him. He felt affirmed. If I told him what they really meant, it would just be a disappointment, and this kind of news shouldn't be a disappointment.

Lorelai: The more you wait the more it will be. Disappointment in you. For not telling him sooner. You have to tell Jackson…

Jackson: (walking in) Tell me what?

Lorelai: Um, I should go and…

Jackson: What? No. Wait a minute. What's going on here?

Sookie: Jackson, sweetie, sugar, honey bunches of oats…

Jackson: Sookie…?

Sookie: There's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I couldn't tell you when I wanted to because it just wasn't the right moment, and then the more I waited, the less right the moment was, and now I have to tell you, and it's still not the right moment.

Jackson: Sookie, what is it?

Sookie: I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby.

Jackson: What?! Why, that's….that's…that's wonderful, sweetheart. (They hug and kiss.) (to Lorelai) I'm going to be a father…Wait. You knew, didn't you?

Lorelai: (smiles awkwardly) Congratulations!

Jackson: You knew before I did. Sookie, why did Lorelai know before I did?

Sookie: Well, because I wanted to tell you, but you were rushing to get ready for that convention and the moment just wasn't right, but I couldn't keep it to myself so I called Lorelai.

Jackson: So it was the right moment to tell Lorelai but not me?

Sookie: You were rushing.

Jackson: Well, I was going to Moscow.

Lorelai: Excuse me, but did that not sound funny to anyone else. Rushing? Russian? Moscow?

(Sookie and Jackson give her blank stares.) Sorry. I'll shut up.

Jackson: If you would have told me you had something to tell me I would have stopped.

Sookie: There was just a special way I wanted to tell you. It involved a nice dinner, which I made for you on Monday, but all you kept talking about was the convention, and then I saw the candlesticks and it was all wrong.

Jackson: What? So you didn't tell me because you picked the wrong candlesticks?

Sookie: No…see…Lorelai, could you help me here.

Jackson: Yes. That's right. Because I didn't know Lorelai was the third-person mediator in our marriage. Why didn't you just let her have the dinner with the candlesticks and tell me you were pregnant?

Lorelai: Hey, how did I get into this?

Sookie: Don't bring Lorelai into this.

Jackson: Wait a minute. All those congratulations. They weren't for the award, were they?

(Sookie smiles sheepishly)

Jackson: You mean the whole town knew before I did! That's just great! Now I get it. Sookie tells Lorelai. Lorelai tells Rory. Rory tells Jess, while Patty overhears and just like that, everybody knows but me, who happen to be the father.

Lorelai: So that's how it got out. (Sookie and Jackson look at her again.) Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Actually, no. May I say something here?

Jackson: Sure, why not? Why don't we call a town meeting? Everyone else knows more about this than I do.

Lorelai: Okay, Jackson, I understand why you're upset. But it's not Sookie's fault. It's nobody's fault. It's just the way things happened. The point is, you now know. You're going to be a father. And Sookie wanted to tell you in a way that would be really special to look back on. Now, it couldn't happen like she planned, but you can still try to rescue a nice memory. But you have to decide if you want to look back on the day you found out about your child and look at this.

Jackson: (relenting) No. Of course not. I really am thrilled.

Sookie: Me too. (they walk towards each other.)

Jackson: Lorelai, could you excuse us for a second please.

Lorelai: Thank you!

(Later. Lorelai and Rory meet in front of Doose's.)

Lorelai: So it turns out it was your fault for telling Jess.

Rory: You could tell something to a wall in this town and it would leak.

Lorelai: We're just going to have to start being more careful.

Rory: Okay. So I'll go get Luke's and you get the gummie worms.

Lorelai: Sure thing.

(They part ways. Lorelai emerges from the market with the gummie worms but Rory is still talking to Jess. She waits. Luke sees her through the window and leaves the diner, approaching. She shifts nervously for a place to go, but is stuck.)

Luke: Hey.

Lorelai: Hey.

Luke: Can we talk?

Lorelai; Uh, sure. Just be careful. There are ears everywhere.

Luke: You just learned that?

Lorelai: Guess not. So what's up?

Luke: I just wanted to know, are we going to just ignore what happened, because I'm fine with that. I'd just prefer if it was something we both agreed on to just move on.

Lorelai: Um, you know, Luke, I'm sorry about what happened. I mean, I was flattered by what you said, and I wish I felt the same way about you, but, you know, you're Luke. I just don't see us that way. We're friends.

Luke: Yeah. You're right.

Lorelai: I'm sorry.

Luke: No. Hey, it's no big deal. Just a crazy idea. (awkward silence) Did you hear about the baby chasing Jess with a dirty diaper?

Lorelai: This town talks about everything else and this is the stuff you don't hear.

(Luke begins to tell the story, fade out with the two laughing.)

The End