Notes:

Hello lovelies! :D

Okay. So. Are you guys ready? You better be. Because there's a new chapter!

I do want to warn some/most of you. There's going to be angst. Quite a bit of it too. You're hereby warned.

Anyways, this chapter is looooooong. It's actually about twice as long as a regular chapter. I thought about cutting it in half, but honestly, it needed to be one whole chapter. Kakashi's got a lot to say :')

Also, please ignore any mistakes that you see :'). I've been looking at this chapter for two days straight and I just couldn't anymore haha. So there's a good possibility there are a few. I apologise in advance!

I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! :D

Chapter 29: Let It All Out

Being as close to his home meant it only took a minute or two to get there. Kakashi ran there, same for his team. Inoichi took Hermione there by using the Body Flicker technique. They had only arrived as soon as Kakashi and his team did as well, making him wonder why they waited.

Letting everyone in the house, everyone moved to the living room, while everyone took a seat, he opted for leaning against the wall. Hermione and Inoichi took a seat on the couch, as did Genma. Shisui and Yugao brought the chairs from the kitchen, placing them across from the couch.

Kakashi wasn't sure where to start with all of this and wondered if Hermione would even be able to follow everything. Hell, did Inoichi know? He figured he did, as he didn't look at all surprised. Not that he would show that, but still. He looked around the room as his team was patiently waiting for him to speak.

"Senpai?" Tenzou said. "Will you start, or?"

He really appreciated his kohai at this point. He must have realised how uncomfortable Kakashi was, no doubt remembering their conversation from a few weeks ago as well.

"Thanks." He said, "but I'll explain. Inoichi-san, will you translate when needed?" He figured it was best to let him do so, it wouldn't do if he'd had to do this himself while also informing his team.

With a nod from the blonde man, he turned to his team. He was about to open his mouth to start, when Hermione spoke up.

" Wait, please." She said as she took out her wand. She pointed it towards Genma's face who, to his amusement, started squirming and moving away from her. "Don't be a baby," she scolded. "Epiksey."

Kakashi felt his eyebrows rise, and saw the rest of his team do the same. Genma's lip was suddenly healed. "What the-" he said as he touched his lip in confusion and then looked at her in surprise.

Hermione looked back at him, raising an eyebrow, daring him to say something about it. Genma wisely kept his mouth shut, turning to Kakashi instead. It would seem he still wanted an explanation, then. Right.

"Okay, I guess I do owe you some sort of explanation." He started

"Finally!" Shisui let out.

"Shisui, shut up or I won't." He shot the Uchiha a glare.

"Sorry, senpai." Which would've meant something if he actually sounded sorry.

"Right," Kakashi said with a sigh, then he adopted a bored-sounding voice. "I'm not going to beat around the bush. Simply put, Hermione-san and I are bonded. The extent of the bond is still unknown to us. What we do know, however, is that it affects our emotions." He shrugged.

"Question!" Shisui said, raising a hand. "What do you mean it affects your emotions?"

"Just like I said, Shisui, I-"

"If I may," Hermione piped up, drawing surprised looks from his team. The accent was still apparent, obviously, but she'd come a long way for sure. He figured the lessons she's had with Inoichi really have helped her improve.

"And please correct me if I say something wrong," she said slowly, clearly still somewhat struggling with the pronunciation. "But what Kakashi-san means is that in some, um, what's the word for extreme?" She looked at Inoichi in question.

"Extreme." Inoichi supplied, giving Kakashi a look he didn't really like. It was almost as if he was being scolded by that single look. Like any of this was his fault? He had to refrain from scoffing in response.

"Ah, yes, in some extreme cases we feel what the other is feeling."

"What kind of extreme cases?" This time it was Yugao who spoke up, looking at Hermione. He was glad that his team helped her out by speaking slower than usual. Especially Shisui who could get a bit overexcited sometimes. Kakashi just wasn't sure he wanted to know what examples Hermione would give of those extreme cases.

"Well, for example," she started, glancing at Kakashi and looking slightly annoyed. "A few minutes ago, on that field? I'm sure you saw Kakashi and realised he was angry. Well, while you saw that, I felt it. I didn't know what was happening. All I knew is that it wasn't good, which was why Inoichi and I came to check."

"What did you feel?" The Uchiha asked, looking at Kakashi in what looked like wonder, as if he couldn't imagine Kakashi feeling something so extreme that it would cause Hermione to respond. Kakashi, in turn, made sure nothing was betrayed from his face or posture, acting as if he hadn't had a single care in the world.

Before Hermione was able to respond to that, Genma spoke. "I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. You actually believe you're bonded?" He asked, full disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me. This is a joke, right?" Genma looked at Kakashi. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

"Did you not just listen to what we said?" Kakashi retorted. "We literally just explained it."

"Fuck that. Look, man, I don't know how you got her to help you with this, but this is bullshit." He said, standing up quickly. Kakashi kept his eye on Genma, but noticed Hermione back away towards Inoichi. He turned to her then, "you know what. Do yourself a favor and stay away from him, Hermione-san. People don't call him Friend-Killer Kakashi for nothing." Genma said angrily.

Kakashi froze as soon as Genma said that, feeling his throat constrict stopping him from saying anything in his defense. He hadn't heard someone say that in years. Did he really think that? Did he actually believe that had happened? He knew he was to blame for Rin's death. And really, Obito's too. The urge to breathe became stronger and stronger but he couldn't seem to get any air in his lungs.

"Genma." Inoichi warned, standing up and moving in front of Hermione.

"You know what?" The senbon-user turned to Kakashi once again, looking him straight in the eye. "Why don't you just do all of us a favor and do the same thing your father did. We all know you're in the same pathetic mindset." He spat.

"Shiranui, that's enough!" Inoichi interrupted, moving to grab him by the arm. "You're drunk. Go home and sleep it off. You will report to the Hokage first thing in the morning. "Uchiha, Uzuki, make sure he gets home. Tenzou, please report to the Hokage's office and explain what has happened."

"Yes sir." The three of them said, disappearing from the room and taking Genma with them.

Hermione didn't know what happened, not really. It all happened so fast. She had been present, had understood what was being said, but didn't get the underlying meaning of the words. Well, except "Friend-Killer Kakashi", that was pretty self explanatory. She sat on the couch in Kakashi's living room, looking around in a daze as the shinobi left, taking Genma with them. Inoichi tried speaking to Kakashi, but didn't seem to get a response from the silver-haired teen.

She didn't blame Inoichi for trying, but knew Kakashi wouldn't respond. His feelings were overwhelming once again, but this time it was different. So different. There was so much. Too much. It was suffocating. There was so much hurt and anger, disbelief and guilt. All of this only fueled her anger as well. Hermione didn't know what happened between Genma and Kakashi to cause this falling out they had, but she had a feeling it had never been this extreme. It felt like a line was crossed, for sure, especially with how Inoichi reacted.

Looking up, she saw Kakashi glancing at her, hurt perceptible in his eye. He took a step back, followed by another. Next thing she knew, he walked out of the room and a moment later, she heard his bedroom door shut. The moment she heard the click of the lock, she stood up. "I need to go talk to him."

"Hermione-san," Inoichi said hesitantly. "I don't think that's a good idea right now."

"He needs someone to talk to." She objected, crossing her arms.

"I know. But he won't. We've tried it before. He just won't talk." The man shook his head and let out a sigh.

Hermione huffed at that. "Well, then he'll just have to listen to me."

"Hermione-"

"No, Inoichi-san. You don't- It hurts. Whatever he's feeling, it hurts. And if it hurts me, then it's even worse for him. Please let me go speak with him." Hermione begged. "No one should be left alone, not when they're feeling like this. Please."

She could see Inoichi going over it in his head and in the end he nodded. "I'm staying here too, however. Just in case."

Hermione smiled up at him in thanks. "Of course. Thank you."

Making her way towards his bedroom, she paused at the door that once was her room. She shook her head, "now is not the time for this, Hermione." She mumbled to herself, continuing on to Kakashi's room.

As she stopped at the door, she was reminded of her last night here. All it took was looking at his door and she was right back, feeling the fear that she had felt then too. It made her hesitant to knock on the door. She knew he needed support, needed someone to comfort him. But would she be able to? What if he did something again?

No, Hermione. Come on. Inoichi is here too, you're not alone. And he really, really needs someone. He was there for her, too. A small smile formed on her lips as she thought back to the incredibly awkward hug he had given her. It was incredibly clear that Kakashi had no idea what he was doing. But he shoved that aside and tried to comfort her. If he could do that, she could at least try, right?

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, before raising her hand and knocking softly on the door. She waited a few moments, hoping to get at least some sort of a response yet nothing happened. There weren't any sounds, nor any indication he was coming to the door.

"Kakashi-san?"

Again she waited, but again, he didn't respond.

"Please open the door." She tried again. This man, honestly. It's almost as if he didn't want anyone to help him.

"Kakashi-san, please unlock the door before I do it myself."

"Go away," he said. Finally, at least there's a response, she thought.

"I'm not leaving, so you might as well open the door." She put her hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently. Again, she was met with silence. Well, if he wasn't going to open the door, she would.

Taking her wand out, she pointed it at the door and said "Alohomora." A soft click was heard as the door unlocked. She quickly grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, not giving him any chance to react.

"What the- Didn't I tell you to go away?" He said, raising his voice, looking at her full of anger. "I want to be left alone, so I would really appreciate it if you left."

"Well, that's too bad," she stated matter-of-factly, crossing her arms after she put her wand away again. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Damn it. Will you get it through your thick skull? I don't want you here. Leave!" He hissed as he turned back around, moving to sit down on the other side of the bed, his back towards her. The feeling she got from him said the opposite though. It was whirling around in agony, the feeling of abandonment rushed through her.

"I just want to talk to you, Kakashi-san."

"And I don't want to hear whatever it is you have to say about me."

About him? Why would she-? "I never said I wanted to say something about you. I wanted to talk to you, with you." Hermione said, sounding as confused as she felt. No doubt he would feel the same confusion, hopefully understanding that she genuinely hadn't a clue what he meant.

"Of course you did." He scoffed, clearly not believing a word she said. "Either way, I'm not interested. So you might as well go." His back was still towards her, he hadn't even so much as looked at her when he spoke to her. He seemed tense, back hunched over, head down.

Instead of following his request, she closed the door and moved towards him. She heard him sigh, but ignored it as she squatted down in front of him.

"You just don't listen, do you?"

"I'd say I'm about as equally stubborn as you are, wouldn't you say?" She joked, bumping her fist against softly against his shoulder. The moment they touched, the intensity of his emotions became even more apparent. "Hey," she said. "I just want to help."

"You can't help, Genma's right. You're better off leaving me alone."

Hermione raised her eyebrows in response, not that he'd be able to see it. He still hadn't looked at her, just continued to look down. She huffed, "how about you let me be the judge of that?"

Before Kakashi could give her any type of response, she stood up and put her arms around his neck, bringing him back up a bit. He froze the moment she did so. While it was quite an uncomfortable position, she held on, holding him tightly. It helped he was taller than she was, for sure.

It felt like forever before he relaxed his shoulders, even if it was just slightly. It felt even longer, before he tentatively put his arms around her as well. "You know," she whispered somewhat jokingly. "This would work a lot better if you stood up."

She heard Kakashi snort next to her ear, before standing up slowly, still holding on to her. It broke her heart, because she could so closely feel what he was feeling. He was afraid to let go. Afraid, maybe, that she'd disappear the moment she let him go. She was determined to make him see that she wasn't like that. Wouldn't let a friend be by themselves, especially not when they were hurt.

The moment he stood at his full length, he almost had to bend back down in order to hug her properly, resulting in Hermione standing on her tiptoes to hold onto him as well. Her right hand rested in the back of his neck, while her left hand rested on his right shoulder. She hadn't felt his hair before, not expecting it to be as soft, slowly running her fingers through his hair in the back of his head. She figured she did something right, as he let out a soft sigh and relaxed even more against her, tightening his grip on her.

Kakashi didn't know what to think of Hermione anymore. She completely ignored his request that she should leave, instead moving towards him, getting into his space and then going as far as giving him a hug? What was he supposed to do with this? It didn't feel as awkward as it had when he had given her a hug, making him think she was definitely a lot better than this. He never expected a hug like this to calm him down, or was it the bond that helped her calm him down? He didn't know anymore.

Her comment that this would work better if he stood up, made him snort. He felt her chuckle at that response. Kakashi wasn't sure what to do, so he just went along with it, slowly standing up while still holding her. He wasn't sure what made him do it, but he couldn't bear the thought of letting go, not now. He didn't want to be alone anymore. The thought of her leaving was almost unbearable. As he stood, he felt her move up with him, making her taller than she actually was. Hermione wobbled a bit, telling him she was standing on the tip of her toes in order to keep hugging him, which made him hold on even tighter in response.

Kakashi wasn't sure how long they stood there, but with every passing second he felt himself relax even more. The electricity that had sparked so intensely between them at the training field, now was a quiet, soothing tingling sensation under his skin. He felt one of her hands on the back of his neck, softly scraping the back of his head and neck as she ran her fingers through his hair. It felt really good, he actually had to stop himself from making any sounds of appreciation. No one had ever held him or touched him like this before. He didn't think anyone would ever want to. Didn't think that anyone would feel safe to do this.

It felt like they had stood there forever, but at the same time it was too soon when Hermione moved to step away from him. Kakashi had to forcefully stop himself from moving after her, taking a step back as well. Looking up at her face. She gave him a small, gentle smile before dropping it, a frown forming on her face.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it." She started, speaking softly. "But, will you tell me? What he meant when he said-? I mean, I can guess, only I'd rather hear it from you."

Kakakashi stayed silent, mulling over her words. Why would she want to hear about the awful things he's done? He really didn't want to talk about it, especially not with her. It would only drive her away. It may be selfish, but he knew that if he did say something about it, he'd have to give up her company like this. And right now, he didn't want that. Not when they finally started to get along. "It doesn't matter."

"I think it does." She objected immediately."Hermione-" Kakashi tried to say that she really didn't want to know."Look, I understand this isn't easy. Trust me, I do. But keeping it bottled up won't help you. It will only serve to hurt you even more. You need to let it out, Kakashi-san.""I can't.""Well, why not?" Again, she crossed her arms, looking very unimpressed with his attempts to stop her from finding out what Genma had meant."You wouldn't understand." He ended up saying, looking away from her.

"Then explain it to me." As if it were that simple. If only it were that simple.

He groaned at that, "Hermione-""I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. So please, just talk to me." She was practically begging at this point. "Please, Kakashi-san. You and I both know that this isn't working. What's the worst thing that could happen?"That she would be scared of him and that she wouldn't want anything to do with him, Kakashi thought. That was the worst thing that could happen. There was no way he was going to say that though, he wasn't an idiot. The problem was that he didn't know what he should say, so he just opted for saying nothing at all. He was a fool for thinking she'd just drop it, of course.

"Alright, come on," she said, grabbing his arm and attempting to drag him along.

"What?"

"We're going to grab a cup of tea, sit down and then we'll talk. Really talk. So, come on."

Once again, he stopped her from dragging him with her, turning her to look at him. "I don't think- Besides, Inoichi- It's-" He couldn't seem to get a proper sentence out and it frustrated him to no end. Her insistence to get him to talk- he didn't know what to make of it. No one ever tried this hard to get him to open up. It was not at all the same as after his first Jonin mission when Obito- nor after Rin. But maybe that had been Minato-sensei's handling. He didn't know. There was so much he didn't know, even things he thought he knew but obviously didn't.

"Inoichi-san won't mind. And, we could always sit on the porch, get some privacy. So, come on. It'll help, trust me. Please?" This time when she tugged on his arm, he relented, letting her drag him along with her, towards the kitchen. He broadened his senses and felt Inoichi's chakra signature in the living room. It flared shortly, letting Kakashi know he was aware that Kakashi was feeling for his surroundings. He was glad that his team wasn't there to see him get dragged along by Hermione. He wouldn't hear the end of it, no doubt. And in all honesty, it wasn't at all like that. She was just providing him with someone who would listen to him, no questions asked. Well, there would be questions, probably. It was Hermione after all. But somehow, he didn't mind it as much, not when it came to her. Was that weird? He wasn't sure.

Hermione tugged Kakashi along, not letting him go until they entered the kitchen and not before she absolutely had to. She found that as long as she held onto him, he felt more calm. Knowing this, it was hard to let go. She set to making the tea, leaving him standing awkwardly in the kitchen. It only took a few more minutes before she gave Kakashi a cup of tea, silently beckoning him to follow her with a nod of her head. She knew she was acting like this was her house, and she knew for a fact that it wasn't. But she also knew that Kakashi wasn't in the right mindset at the moment. He needed her to do this, even if he didn't realise it yet.

They quickly passed Inoichi, who was very kind in not acknowledging them, instead pretending to be engrossed in the book he had in his hands. She appreciated him for doing that. Made it at least a bit less awkward.

She opened the door towards the backyard and set her cup down on the porch, sitting down herself as well. She patted the spot next to her, looking up at Kakashi expectantly, who just raised an eyebrow in return at her behaviour. "Just sit down, Kakashi-san." She said with a sigh.

He set his cup down as well, taking his place on her left. He reached for his cup, but hesitated. "Don't worry, I won't look. I promise." Hermione assured him. She didn't want to betray his trust by taking a peak. Even if she did have a good idea of what he looked like. The thought made her smile, not understanding at all why he would hide his face.

Picking up the cup as well, she blew on it to cool it down a little, before taking a small sip. From her left, she heard him do the same after finally pulling his mask down. Hermione kept her promise by keeping her eyes pointed to the front. It wasn't until her cup was almost empty when she decided there had been enough silence. She cleared her throat, indicating she was about to say something and waited for him to pull his mask back up.

"Genma is right," Kakashi said, speaking up first. "You shouldn't be anywhere near me. You'll only end up dead."

"Come on, Kakashi-san. Not this again?" She replied exasperated, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, this again." He angrily retorted. "You're not listening to me."

"Ka-"

"No, you have to listen to me. People who get close to me, they-" Kakashi fell silent as he cut himself off, but his emotions did all the talking for him, from what she was feeling. "It's better for everyone if you-" Again, he stopped speaking and he just stayed silent after that.

Hermione didn't say anything either for a long time. She didn't know how to make him understand that it was not him. That it most likely wasn't something that was his fault, no matter what he thought. There are so many variables that need to be taken into account. It's never really just one person's fault.

"Can you explain it to me?" She asked. "I just- I really want to understand, Kakashi-san. I want to understand why you think I'm in more danger with you, especially with the bond acting up whenever we're apart like that." It just didn't make sense. They were going to experience so much hurt if they fought the bond, so it would only make sense if they stayed at least somewhat closer together.

Hermione watched as he sighed and put his knees up to rest his elbow on them. He then looked up, but stayed silent nonetheless. Hermione herself didn't speak up either, giving him the time to get his thoughts in order. He was incredibly conflicted she could tell, getting a better grasp on what he was feeling. There was annoyance too, which she was all too familiar with. And anger, hurt and fear. She couldn't imagine what it was he was so scared of. Then again, she could guess, especially with him fighting it so hard to let her in.

"I guess it started with my father." He said softly, but still in a voice that sounded like he didn't care at all. But he did, he very much did care.

"What happened?" She asked, almost whispering.

"He-" Kakashi shifted slightly, as if uncomfortable with this subject. She wasn't sure what he was about to say, so was afraid to encourage him or say anything at all. "There was a mission that he- I'm not really sure what happened exactly. He never told me." He shrugged. She had a feeling he wasn't entirely truthful about that. But she would keep her mouth shut. He was finally talking after all.

"I was about five when he went on that mission, I had just started the Academy a year before so I was mostly busy with school. When he came back, he was different. Not as attentive as he was before. I also noticed other shinobi acting differently towards him, whenever we were outside. I asked him about it, but he had just brushed it off, saying it wasn't important."

Hermione frowned at that. So his father's mission had gone wrong then? He made it back, so it wasn't that he had died. Maybe the mission was hard on him? She could only imagine what these missions were like, knowing for a fact she would never be the same if she went on one. She only had experience with the stuff that happened at school and knew that every single thing that had happened had changed her one way or another.

"It was though. I found out later- too late, what had happened. His team members had been in trouble and he decided to abort the mission in favour of helping them, saving them."

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been. He must have been a brave man." Hermione commented. Kakashi let out a humourless chuckle, making Hermione raise her eyebrows. Had she been wrong?

"His teammates didn't agree with that. Nor did anyone else in the village. He was dishonoured. Shunned. Vilified."

This sounded a lot worse than she had expected. All this for saving someone's life? What kind of village was this? This was ridiculous. "I don't get it. He saved their lives! Why would he be treated like that?"

Kakashi turned his head to look at her. The way he looked at her was terrifying. There was nothing there, nothing to tell her what he was thinking. This made her all the more glad that she was connected to him in a way they still didn't completely understand. Behind this mask, metaphorically and literally, she knew what was going on. What he was feeling. This was just his defense, she knew. There was so much hurt and anger. She had a feeling this wasn't everything though. There was more to this to get a reaction like this.

"What happened after that?" She hesitantly asked, almost afraid of hearing his answer.

"He couldn't deal with it. Any of it. And in the end, he decided to take his own life." Kakashi shrugged. "I'm the one that found him. I was late, coming back from training in the woods nearby."

Hermione couldn't stop the gasp from escaping, hand flying towards her mouth to try and stop it. Tears formed in her eyes at what he had said, but also at what he felt. Naturally this had hurt him a lot more than he was showing. She didn't blame him. Somehow Hermione had a feeling this hadn't been all, though. The man had had a son to live for, didn't he? Surely that was something to work for, no matter what anyone else thought. But maybe she was just that naive in thinking that would be enough. She was already proud of Kakashi for telling her this. It couldn't have been easy, at all.

"I'm so sorry." She said. She didn't know what else to say, how to voice any of the thoughts that ran through her head. "But please don't think this was your fault. You were only five years old, Kakashi-san." She placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping to convey her feelings on this. Kakashi hummed in response, but didn't shrug her hand off, which she counted as a win. She gave him a soft squeeze to let him know that she was here, which she was. She just needed him to understand this too.

"It's fine. It was a long time ago." It was not fine, but she refrained from commenting.

"What about your mother? Was she there to-" She didn't even know how to finish that sentence. Up until this point he hadn't actually mentioned his mother, making her feel like she wasn't in the picture. Hermione knew better than to just assume this, though. While it wasn't a simple thing to ask, it was the best thing to do.

"No. My mother died before that. I don't really remember her." And another shrug. Honestly, this wasn't normal.

"Then, was there anyone else to, oh, I don't know, help you? Be there for you? Family? Friends?" She asked. Surely there had been someone to help him out. He was only five for Merlin's sake. "Don't tell me they just left a five year old alone, without anyone?"

"No. Not that it was necessary, I was fine on my own. And after I graduated from the Academy, I went to work. When you become a shinobi, you're kind of on your own, anyway. Legally, you're an adult, that's just how it is."

She kind of understood that, it made sense, didn't it? Once someone graduates from Hogwarts, they go look for a job as well, having a legal age of seventeen. It was still sooner than the muggles. But still, that would mean there was still quite a few years where he still was in school, didn't it? So what about those years then? Surely they didn't leave a five year old on his own, with no funds and no help?

"And what about the years until you graduated?" Hermione asked

Kakashi turned to look at her, with a certain glint in his eye. "What makes you think it took me years to graduate?" How he managed to sound so incredibly smug never ceased to surprise her.

She held up her hand, "hold on," she said, trying to gather her thoughts. This was unbelievable, all of it. "How long does it take someone to finish the Academy?"

"Well, on average, people graduate around the age of eleven or twelve." That young? So when people started working as a shinobi, they were children? Was she one to talk, though? After all, she was quite young as well when she had dealt with things at Hogwarts, being only twelve when she ran into a troll.

"And," Hermione said slowly, not sure if she was going to like the answer to her question. "How old were you, when you graduated?"

"I was five." Her heart dropped. Five? Five?!

"Get out."

A raised eyebrow was her response, once again. She noticed with a small amount of humour that he was actually quite predictable. Either a raised eyebrow, a hum, a shrug, an answer that had nothing to do with her question or the blunt truth. It was refreshing, in a way. She was glad she had figured out this much up until now. It made it a lot easier to communicate with him.

"You're telling me," she started, having to take a deep breath to calm herself down as she felt herself get angry. "That you started working at the age of five and there was no one that said 'Gosh, maybe this isn't the best idea?' Are you kidding me?"

She was angry. He didn't need the bond to figure that one out. Just, what was she actually angry about? The anger he felt coming from her had lasted almost the entire conversation, so it was hard for him to pinpoint what the actual issue was. Was it him? About his father? Or the decision to make him a Genin at the age of five? Not that he understood if it was the latter, he was fine with that. There wasn't anything the Academy could've taught him and he'd rather keep himself busy. Also, keeping someone like him in the Academy, while they could have him out in the field wouldn't make any sense at all.

He decided to just ask. If he was already going as far to talk about his father, he could do this as well, right? "You're angry," he said, instead of asking like he intended. Why couldn't he just ask a simple question? It's not that hard, Kakashi, come on, he berated himself.

"Yes, I am." She told him quite harshly, especially for her, which made him raise his eyebrow. "I'm angry because of a lot of things at the moment. But that's not important now. This is about you, Kakashi-san and I want to help you and ranting about my thoughts won't do either of us any good." She said in a matter-of-fact tone. She turned to look at him expectantly, no doubt hoping he'd change the subject by continuing with his story.

Kakashi watched her as she took a few deep breaths, calming herself and in turn him as well. He then cleared his throat, "so, anyway," he scratched the back of his neck. "That's what Genma was referring to, regarding my father." He said almost in a casual tone, changing the subject back to the initial subject. He tried very hard to keep his emotions in check, not giving anything away.

"Right." Hermione responded, "again, I'm sorry-"

"It's fine." Kakashi cut her off, holding his hand up. He didn't get why she kept saying she was sorry. This wasn't something she was responsible for. It was in the past. He still felt a lot of anger towards Genma though. He had never expected him to lash out like that. Never expecting him to stoop so low as to use his father as an insult. He was grateful that Inoichi stepped in when he had, seeing as Kakashi hadn't been able to, too shocked at his subordinate's behaviour.

Both fell silent after that. Kakashi was too busy thinking if he should just continue on talking, or leave it at this. It had been oddly freeing to finally talk about his father. He never thought that speaking about it would lessen the weight on his shoulders. Maybe- maybe it'd be better to talk about his team too? His old team. Yeah, he figured he would. Just to get it over with, in a way. Put it out in the open. He would probably regret it later, no doubt she would want nothing to do with him after this. But then- at least she couldn't say he didn't try. Right?

"As for the other thing Genma said. About me being-" Underneath his mask, he bit his lip. "About me getting the nickname 'Friend-Killer Kakashi'."

"It's alright, you know." She said, once more placing her hand on him, this time his upper arm. "If it's too difficult- I mean, I want to know, sure. But I don't want you to be too uncomfortable.""It's f-""It's not fine. I can feel how uncomfortable you are." She scolded softly.

"No, you were right." Kakashi said, barely audible. "I need to do this. So, it is fine." He had realised that much. He had gotten this far, already. Never before had he even dared to speak about what had happened to his father. Not to anyone. And now, for the first time, really. He was going to speak about what had happened with Obito and Rin, about Minato-sensei and Kushina.

He took a deep breath before starting to speak again. Explaining that once someone became a Genin, they were put on a team with two others, under the tutelage of a Jonin. They then go on easy missions, preparing themselves for the next promotion, Chunin. When he said he was promoted at the age of six, he felt another burst of anger coming from Hermione, but she stayed silent, letting him speak.

He spoke about how during that time he was placed under Namikaze Minato, the late Fourth Hokage. They worked together for a few years, before two others were placed on the same team. "Their names were Uchiha Obito and Nohara Rin."

"Uchiha? Isn't that the same name as-""Shisui. Yes, they're from the same clan." He didn't share anything else on how they were related. He wasn't part of the Uchiha clan, so it wasn't up to him to speak about that.

"During one of our missions, I had just been promoted to Jonin, just turned twelve. The mission went sideways quite quickly. Rin got kidnapped. She'd been an easy target, as all medics are. Obito insisted that we went to get her. I was dead set on finishing the mission first. I was-" He stopped, thinking back to that day. How Obito went against his orders, saying his father had been a hero for choosing the lives of his teammates over the mission. "I was determined not to become like my father. Ever since he had died, I followed the rules. I would not deviate from them, no matter what." Kakashi let out a sigh and brought his hands to his face, rubbing it. "I was an idiot."

"What happened?" Hermione asked after he fell silent again.

He lowered his hands from his face, resting them on his knees again. "Obito disobeyed my orders and went back for Rin. He said 'Those who break the rules are scum. But those who abandon their friends, are worse than scum' before turning around. At first I continued on but- in the end I turned around as well. I was just in time to prevent Obito from getting killed before we went to find Rin. I lost my left eye in the process."

Another gasp came from him sharing that. But he didn't let it stop him this time around. He explained how after they had saved Rin, the cave had collapsed. That he had tripped, not yet used to using only one eye. Obito had gotten him out. Had gotten himself stuck, instead. Trapped under a boulder, which had crushed his entire right side. He had died shortly after that, but not before Rin taking Obito's eye and putting it in Kakashi's eye socket.

"Kakashi-"

"Don't. Don't say that that wasn't my fault. If I had just-" He shook his head. "Anyways, it was about a year after that when Rin-" Damn it. You're almost there Kakashi. Talking about Obito hadn't been easy for him. He still felt the guilt, knowing that if he had just gone to Rin right away, Obito might've still been alive. But, with Rin. It was worse with Rin. He still had nightmares about that. Could still feel the blood on his skin, coating his hand and arm. Whenever he had woken up after a nightmare, he'd scrub his skin until it was almost bleeding.

"I was on another mission, when I received a message that Rin had gotten kidnapped again. This time by Kirigakure. I abandoned my current mission and went to rescue her. I had- I promised Obito that I would do anything I could to keep her safe. So I got her out. The entire way back, she objected. Said I should've let her stay, that it wasn't safe to bring her back home. I didn't listen. All I could think was that I had already failed one of my team members, I couldn't fail another."

"It wasn't long before we were surrounded. Kirigakure had sent hunter-nin after us. I readied myself for an attack, was about to hit one of them when-" He hung his head, finishing his sentence in a near whisper. "She was in front of me in a blink of an eye, and I- there was nothing I could do. I couldn't stop." Kakashi swallowed around the lump that had appeared in his throat. "There was so much blood. She grabbed my arm, steadying herself. C-calling out my name. But- I had pierced her heart. There was nothing I could do."There was nothing Kakashi could do to stop the rush of emotions from taking over again. He heard Hermione choke back a sob of her own, but she wasn't as strong as him. He had learned to fight against it. To not cry. Shinobi didn't cry. But she wasn't a shinobi, was she? He could smell the salt in the air that her tears created. Heard her sniffle next to him. "That was what Genma meant. I get my friends killed. I actually killed one of them. Anyone who gets close to me dies. I-"

Kakashi didn't expect her to react the way she did. He thought for sure this would show her how dangerous it was to be near him. He expected her to get up and leave. But that wasn't what she did. No, what she did was the complete opposite. Feeling her turn towards him, she put her arm around him and pulled him towards her. He knew he should've fought it. Hatake Kakashi wasn't someone to just get pulled along, especially not by a woman, but-

His head ended up on her shoulder, close to her neck. She smelled nice, he noticed. Her hand stayed on his shoulder, but the other came up to the side of his head. "I'm so sorry, Kakashi-san." She softly whispered to him, "but know that you can't scare me away that easily." It barely registered, his mind becoming so tired as he relaxed even further against her. She continued to hold him next to her and he continued to let her. It felt… comforting. He turned his head a little against her shoulder to look up to the sky again. That was one of the things that never changed. The one constant in his life. The stars would always be there. And maybe she would- maybe the bond would make sure that Hermione would stay around too.

End of chapter notes:

Sooo, that wasn't too bad. Was it?

Please let me know what you think in the comments! :D

Until next time!