A/N: Again, I haven't read the complete books (only skimmed parts and used the HP Lexicon online to check things out). I'm attempting to stay as close to canon as I can in this, but if I don't, just pretend it's AU. It takes place about 7 years after graduation..
Rating: PG-13 for general dark angsty themes. Tissue warning; character death.
Disclaimer: I own not, you sue not.
Summary: Alicia deals with a devastating loss.
In Absentia
© 2003, By: OlliKat (a.k.a. Ash Carroll)
The English morning was cold and foggy; clouds blanketing the sky, preventing the sun from shining through. Like her life since his passing. Sadness and depression consumed her, leaving but a shell of her former self, unable to recall the last time she'd laughed or smiled.
She no longer had a reason to.
Stepping through the gates, she made her way up the small hill,
shaking as she went. She'd been dazed since the funeral, like it
wasn't really happening. Seeing the grave made it real, and the grief
tore at her; tears stung her eyes and she blinked rapidly, sinking to her
knees before the headstone. With a shaking hand, she traced the words.
George Edward Weasley
1978 - 2003
Son, Brother, Fiancé, Friend
Beloved
There was no hiding from it now; the truth was staring her in the face. He was gone. She'd never hear him laugh again, or plan his next prank; she'd never again be held or kissed or made love to by the man she'd grown to love more than life.
The man she was supposed to have married today.
"I should've come sooner. It's been months, I know, but I didn't know what to say; I still don't." She blinked as the tears stung her eyes. "Merlin, George, this isn't how it should be! I shouldn't be living with memories, I should be living with *you*! But I'm not. And I blame Fred."
She sighed.
"It's not his fault, I know; he didn't ask you to step in front of that Death Eater's wand. But today should've been our wedding day, and I'm visiting your grave instead."
She traced absent patterns in the dirt, raw emotion choking her voice.
"It's not fair. I should be walking down the aisle, carrying red roses and dressed in white, with you waiting for me. Instead I'm carrying red roses, walking up a hill at the cemetery, wearing black, and ... you're waiting for me."
She placed the bouquet in front of the weathered gray marble, the dark red blooms a striking contrast. Kneeling in the grass, she stared at the gravestone for long moments, grief and despair wrapping around her like a cloak, squeezing her chest until she almost couldn't breathe.
She was going through the motions; living without living at all. Existing. Alone in a pain her friends couldn't fathom because their husbands and boyfriends and fiancés had returned; one Angelina couldn't know because George had made the ultimate sacrifice and laid down his life for his brother's.
"Damn you, George Weasley! You *promised* me you'd never leave me! You promised, but you lied. You *lied*."
The pain and despair finally gave way to the anger she hadn't allowed herself to acknowledge since they'd received word. She hated him for leaving her, and she hated herself for hating him. But most of all, she hated the fact that she never got to say good-bye.
"What am I supposed to say, George?" she choked, "that I don't know how to go on without you? Thqat my heart aches so badly I can't breathe? That I'll never love another man the rest of my life?"
She sighed.
"I don't know how to move on. It's like it's not even my life; it feels like it's happening to someone else. And Merlin, I wish it was. But it's not. And I know this is the part where I'm supposed to tell you I love you, let you go and move on; but I can't. Because as much as I love you, I'm not ready to let you go. I don't think I ever will be."
She played with her engagement ring, watching the diamond glitter in the late afternoon sun as she stood, making her way back down the hill and out the cemetary gates. Turning around, she looked back at the hilltop.
"Wait for me, George," she whispered, "because I'll be waiting
the rest of my life for you."
~The End~