I Only Do Everything

Summary: In honor of the PS5 being a love it or hate it design (I personally am not a fan), I shall reference an old tagline that should be repeated every time Sony grows too big for its britches.

She raised the knife and inspected it. "Acceptable. Barely. As a training tool," she muttered. "This simply will not do for dishes fit for the consumption of my lady," she muttered. "Now, look, children," she said.

All the servants within the prep room of the kitchen looked at her expectantly, as she raised the onion she held in her other hand. "First, peel," she said. Then she smirked as, with a flourish, the onion's skin simply flew off, the onion glowing for a second. Parlor tricks, yes, but they served to keep her audience captivated, and therefore, paying attention.

She did not have access to a pool of qualified and dedicated individuals, she would have to make do with lesser workers for the time being.

"This," she said, motioning with the knife to the spot where the onion would connect to its stem, "is the root. Do not cut it. If you cut it, the onion will start to bleed, and the acid will burn your eyes. They are vulnerable," she said, bouncing the onion in her hand as if for emphasis.

She then set it down on the cutting board, properly washed and disinfected beforehand, and with the nearly dull knife, she sliced it in half, making it look as if she had sliced through the root

"But miss Dragonmaid, didn't you just tell us not to cut that?" one of the prep cooks asked, looking perplexed.

"Yes," she said, simply. "But unless you're going to eat the entire onion as is, this will simply make it more convenient to chop. Look," she said, showing him that the cut was to just to the side of the root, rather than through it. "I could cut it as it is right now, but that method isn't fast nor practical," she said, "and practicality is at the heart of a good service."

The servants nodded. Even the head chef seemed to be paying quite a bit of attention.

"Now," she set the onion down, flat side down, "with the tip of the knife pointing towards the root, you'll begin cutting - note the position of my fingers, holding the onion down," she said, as she noted her thumb, index and middle fingers, configured so the knuckles on her longer fingers would be close to the knife as it cut. "The knife has a flat side for a reason, use your knuckles to guide it so the cut is even and precise. Speed will come with experience, do not rush. Humans do not enjoy the taste of blood in their food," she said, as she cut the onion. "Leave yourself a safety gap so that you do not cut into the root as such."

She was slowing down so that they could follow her movements. "Now," she said, turning the onion slightly, "at about the middle, cut into it horizontally. Tilt the knife slightly downwards, matching its curvature just at the very end, without digging into the root," she demonstrated, "and depending on thickness, you might require a second horizontal cut at the top, this one does not," she said. "Now, hold it together like so," she showed, "and cut across from the initial cuts."

She demonstrated, slicing through the onion without a hint of difficulty. "Mind your fingers," she added.

As soon as she was done, she separated the 'top' part of the onion and used the knife to crumble the onion, showing how finely chopped it was. "Cutting into larger pieces is just as simple, the same method can be employed. As for the remainder, trim it to minimize waste," she said, grabbing the top part of the onion and cutting into it until only a small part of it remained.

She had an almost cubic little piece of onion left, as she dumped the cutting board's contents into a pot with oil and chopped peppers, warmed at low heat. She handed the piece to an apprentice and he rushed to dump it on the bin.

"Next, carrots..."

"Okay, you prep, cook, clean up, serve, attend and teach, is there something you can't do?"

House Dragonmaid smiled at the Head of Staff's inquiry. "I only do everything," she said, smugly. "Normally, I do have subordinates to delegate to," she mused, "but any good head maid knows how to perform every task well enough to spot flaws in her subordinates' work. I cannot call myself a leader of maids if I am not myself a maid of all work," she explained.

"I see," the old former butler said, his cane tapping the ground.

For a servant, he certainly had a more noble air than most students present.

"I don't suppose we could offer you a contract for a teaching position? You've certainly displayed the talent, skill and drive necessary to perhaps inspire the young ones to develop proper service skills."

"My first duty is to my lady," House Dragonmaid said. "All such inquiries must be made to her first."

The old man seemed to chuckle. "Ah, I understand. I shall not continue this pointless endeavor. Thank you for your services," he said, bowing, as he turned around and left, as the maid returned to her job of dealing with Louise's unmentionables.

"How quaint," House Dragonmaid mused. "My lady could do with some black, I think... All this pink is reminding me of unpleasantness."

"That's Tabitha," Louise explained, "Ah, she's, well," she seemed to struggle for a couple of minutes. "She's really quiet. Honestly she's never made fun of me so I don't know her very well. Hangs out with Kirche a lot, so I only really know her to be quiet, read a lot and, well, her familiar."

It was hard to miss the youngling that followed after its summoner like the Skull Servant's dog followed Wightprince.

Charming fellows, the Skull Servant Family, even if they were difficult to tell apart.

Tabitha closed her book and adjusted her glasses, standing up from her seat, using her familiar's warm belly as a backrest. She seemed to shift uncomfortably for a few moments, almost groping for something behind herself but not finding it.

Her dragon let out a pitiful whine.

"I see," House Dragonmaid said, "she's the summoner of that Blue Eyes," she muttered. "Oh how the mighty have fallen," she said.

"Who are you?" Tabitha asked, her tone low and guarded.

"I am House Dragonmaid," she said, simply. "And you, spawn with Eyes of Blue, what is your name?"

"Her name is Sylphid, why do you call her-"

"I did not ask you, child of man. I asked the whelp," she said, "do not waste my time, I have no interest in your meaningless prattle, and you cannot fool me," she hissed, icily.

The dragon let out another whine, and Tabitha seemed like she was ready to cast a spell.

It was when she was ready to unleash it that she froze.

Louise saw it in her eyes.

The absolute terror and certainty of death. Tabitha knew, right then and there, that if she moved she would die.

"LEAVE BIG SIS ALONE!"

The dragon burst into motion, attacking House Dragonmaid with a headbutt.

"Worthless!" the maid shouted, backhanding Sylphid away.

"Did that dragon just talk!?" Louise shouted in confusion.

"Surprised?" House Dragonmaid asked. "I remind you, my lady, I, too, am a dragon."

Louise blinked. "... Well sometimes I think you're a demon instead."

"Do not compare me to a fiend, for they are crunchy and good with ketchup, whereas Dragon Flesh goes better with mustard," House Dragonmaid said, evenly.

"I don't even want to know how you know that," Louise muttered.

The dragon was whining pitifully.

"Monster," Tabitha muttered.

"Why, yes, a Duel Monster in fact," House Dragonmaid said, smugly, "as is that whelp you have summoned. I've seen the Red Eyes' Whelp, but I had never before seen a Blue Eyes whelp, I was under the impression that they hatched mature," she said, walking to where the dragon had crashed. "Whelp, when your superiors ask a question, you answer. What is your name?"

"Irukukwu" the dragon spoke softly.

House Dragonmaid frowned. "I see... you must be a spirit without a card."

"She is a Rhyme Dragon," Tabitha said, her tone nervous.

"I do not know what a Rhyme Dragon is, but a Black Rose Dragon by any other name creates just as much debris for me to clean up," House said, shaking her head. "You do not even know what you are, do you, whelp?"

"W-What? I'm..." it... she, definitely a she, "what I am? But I am a Rhyme Dragon, big sis said so, and big sis is super smart!"

"Rhyme Dragons," Louise muttered, "were thought to be one of the few species that could learn human speech. Many parts of their bodies are valuable, so they were thought to have been hunted to extinction."

"Yes," Tabitha said, frowning, "which is why..."

"You thought to keep her speech a secret," Louise said, "I understand, I would too."

She had at least a bit of sympathy for Tabitha, worried about her familiar.

"What is a Blue Eyes, anyway? You keep calling her that and, well, she does have kind of blueish eyes but..."

"The Blue Eyes White Dragon is a peerless engine of destruction, capable of devastating nations and reducing cities to rubble with a single burst stream of destruction, bringing ruin wherever their unstoppable rage leads them. Virtually invincible, for the grand majority of Duel Monsters," House Dragonmaid muttered, clearly irritated. "Showboating overgrown reptiles is what they are. What good is all that power, if they all share a single brain the size of a gooseberry, were it not for the cultists with the Eyes of Blue, they wouldn't even be a blip in the radar."

"... is that envy," Louise asked.

House Dragonmaid glared at her, and Louise eeped like a schoolgirl... which she kind of was.

Irukukwu seemed more than a bit perplexed. "But I can't do any of that! I can't even breathe fire!"

"Neither can any other Blue Eyes."

"My eyes are kind of green? Also I'm not white!" Irukukwu retorted.

"Yes, that is a mystery beyond me... I am not entirely certain who gave them that name, as their scales are at most silver, and at worst closer to blue. Yours are merely slightly darker than the norm... perhaps there is Chaos in your bloodline, I am given to understand that their scales are even darker than the norm."

"You know so much about me! You're a dragon too, right?" Irukukwu seemed to have momentarily forgotten about the tension of the situation, "you must be like an even bigger big sis! Super older sis!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Was that a crack at my age."

It wasn't a question.

It was a warning.

"A what at your what?" Irukukwu asked.

Tabitha sighed. "I swear I'm trying."

"This whelp, I swear," House Dragonmaid said. "As much as it pains me to be in continued presence of one of your kin, I also cannot in good conscience let things stand as they are. Call it attribute solidarity," she muttered, shaking her head, "but my lady, I request permission to at least teach this whelp how to use her natural gifts for more than flight."

"You... would do that for me? Yay! More big sisters!"

"Why?" Tabitha asked.

"As I said, attribute solidarity," House Dragonmaid said. "Or petty revenge."

"That actually makes a lot more sense..." Louise said.

Someone's a bit bitter about another archetype being more popular...

Nearly 5 am this time

I can only read reviews through emails because seems to believe I do not need to read reviews from the site itself. No, I don't understand it either.

TALLYHO