thanks to my beta Irritablevowel and all my fandom friends. BLM, f*ck COVID, etc etc

I am, obviously, still gonna finish up Dream Girl but have this little first season AU one shot first

Down the Rabbit Hole

"Oh, Tsukino, your tail is crooked," Manami said, smoothing the white apron she wore over her blue dress.

Usagi twisted her body slightly, trying to see her own behind. Her white mini-skirt was puffed up with layers of crinoline, and made it hard to see the little puff-ball of a rabbit tail pinned to her lower back.

"I got it," Manami said, quickly tugging it into place.

"Thanks," Usagi said.

Manami adjusted her blonde wig in the small mirror in the cramped employee lounge. She was dressed like a coquettish version of Disney's movie Alice, from black Mary Jane shoes to a short blue skirt and pinafore dress.

Usagi's costume had taken a few more liberties. Rather than the chubby and bumbling White Rabbit of Wonderland lore, she was more a suggestion - a white tail and cute rabbit ears on a headband, a low-cut waistcoat and pocket watch tucked inside, short white tutu-esque skirt and white garter stockings. All the costumes at Alice in Babeland were just-this-side of appropriate, as per usual at maid cafes in Tokyo.

Hana burst in the door, her large red gown almost filling the small room. She pulled her crown off her head and sighed. "I'm taking my break. Tsukino, you're up."

Usagi passed a busboy in a playing card get-up who was bringing dirty dishes back in the kitchen. "Hey, White Rabbit, you've been requested," he said. "Table five."

That wasn't too unusual. She'd been working there only a couple weeks, and new clients tended to request The White Rabbit sometimes, not nearly as much as the belly-dancer-like outfitted Blue Caterpillar. Most repeat customers wanted Alice -mostly because Manami was flirtatious and beguiling and knew just how to make customers keep coming back.

Usagi wasn't the only White Rabbit at Babeland, but the manager only allowed one per shift, so as not to 'ruin the magic'; as if folks thought they were down the rabbit hole instead of on the third floor of an Akihabara walk-up.

Grabbing a food and drink menu (inscribed with "Eat Me" and "Drink Me" respectively), she stepped out onto the serving floor and stopped dead when she saw who was at table five, sipping on the complimentary water and looking out the window at the gorgeous view of the building next to them across the alley.

She backed away and scampered back into the break room before he could see her.

Why was he here? How did he know?! Oh, god, if Motoki had told, she was going to murder him!

"Nope," she said to Hana, marching back into the break room and throwing the menus on the small table. "I'm not taking that table."

Hana looked up from her protein shake. "Girl, if you were requested, you gotta take it."

"No way," Usagi insisted. She opened her mouth, looked at her co-worker and shut her mouth again.

How could she explain to someone who wouldn't know that the dark haired man currently waiting at table 5 was infamously the antagonist in the story of her life? How everyone in her local ward knew to run for cover (or grab their phones to film) whenever he and her were in the same vicinity, either on the street or in a store or anywhere but The Crown, where only Motoki knew to mediate them in a way they could co-exist in the same space with minimal friction.

How it'd been this way for years. How there was no one else in the entire city who could rile up Usagi the way he could, and, she was pretty sure, it went the other way too.

That their relationship was deep-rooted, long-standing and based on the most passionate and intense dislike known to man.

She settled on: "I know him."

Hana gave her a withering look.

"The hell I'm going to wait on Chiba Mamoru!" Usagi cried, almost too loudy. "And in this!" She gestured to her outfit, which until this very moment she hadn't really cared about one way or another, but now felt so very… something. She didn't want those smug blue eyes to look her over this way - what if he … liked how she looked? What if, somehow more horrifying by far, what if he didn't blink an eye?

"Fine," Hana sighed. "Let's send over Annie, he can hardly complain about that."

The tall, willowy dancer who played the caterpillar… who moved like an angel and mermaid had a baby that was raised by supermodels. Usagi scowled. As if she'd give him the satisfaction of being waited on by someone so gorgeous! He didn't deserve it.

"Uh, fine, I'll do it," Usagi huffed, grabbing up the menus and talking out of the breakroom, her little tail bouncing as she stomped away.

He looked up as she approached, ready with a smirk already pulling at his lips. But then his expression went a bit slack as he took in her outfit, and Usagi felt a glare crease her face. Of course he thought she looked ridiculous. He'd never let her live this down! Well, she didn't care!

This was her job, and she wasn't horrible at it (the busboys knew to do most of the carrying on her shift, so she didn't even drop much food anymore, and if she ever ran late she just told her manager she was 'getting in character' as the constantly tardy White Rabbit himself). And hell if he was gonna make her feel silly!

Usagi tossed her hair and sashayed to the table, placing the menus in front of him. Mamoru looked up at her, raising one perfect black eyebrow. "Don't I get a greeting?" he asked and Usagi felt her molars grind together.

"Of course," she said, forcing herself to smile around the humble honorifics in her script. "Welcome, honored customer, to the world of Babeland, where you are an exalted guest of her majesty, the Queen of Hearts. We, the citizens of this magical and strange world, live to serve you in all ways..." Usagi grit her teeth and finished with the last word, "Master."

Mamoru grinned, his eyes far too amused. Ugh, he's loving this, Usagi thought, and vowed to herself that for every nicety she had to extend while on the clock, she'd throw it back at him tenfold when they met next.

"Well, I'll need a little time to peruse the menu," he drawled. "Do you have any suggestions?"

"No," she said, shortly. "I'll be back to take your order."

"Is that the way you are supposed to speak to an exalted guest of the queen?" Mamoru said, and she could hear the smugness permeate his voice and she had to take the deepest of deep breaths so she wouldn't scream.

"Of course not, honored customer," she grit out.

Mamoru gestured to the booth across from him, indicating she should sit down to discuss the menu with him. Technically, he was paying for her attention but honestly… did he really expect her to give him the hostess club treatment?!

Smiling her biggest, fakest smile, Usagi sat down across from him. The new angle gave him a perfect view of her cleavage in the almost-too-tight vest, and she took great satisfaction as he stared with a deer-in-headlights look at her chest before lifting his gaze and letting the indifference settle across his features.

"Let's see," she said, running a finger down the words on the menu and putting the other in her mouth, thoughtfully. "The omurice is very delicious, and for a drink I suggest the Madhatter." She put the menu down and pushed it back to him across the table. Then she stood and bowed deeply, just close enough to him that her hair brushed across his knee. "I will be back soon for your order, oh honored customer."

She met his eyes, and the smirk was entirely gone from his expression, and what replaced it was an odd sort of trepidation Usagi didn't really understand.

By the time she brought his bill, though, he'd seemed to have composed himself, and was watching her again with that small amused smile. It didn't help that she tripped a bit and had to catch herself on the back of his chair. "Don't say a word," she warned, through a wide, polite smile.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he said, and had the nerve to wink at her as he went up to pay his bill.

And he kept coming back. At least twice a week, sometimes more, he'd either already be waiting or show up during her shift, settling into his usual table with a book or notebook in front of him.

Who, who the hell, brings a book to a maid cafe? Usagi fumed. He wasn't even looking at the girls as they walked by in their sexy costumes. And that was literally the point of the place!

"Back again?" she said sweetly, when he waved her over for a refill of his water.

"It's just such a nice place to study," he said smoothly, as Usagi poured the water from the pitcher in her hand. She focused on not spilling a drop, although for a moment she entertained the thought of dumping it all over Mamoru and his precious notes.

Usagi sighed. "Can I get you anything else?" He looked at her expectantly. Usagi sighed deeper. "May I get the honored guest anything else?" she said, and he grinned with approval.

Her hand tightened around the water pitcher. It would look so good being poured over his head right now. But no. No. He was waiting for her to lose it, and she was determined not to. "Maybe a scone," he said. "And some coffee."

Their scones were horrible, dry and too sweet. But, probably 'English teatime' enough to fit into the theme. Usagi didn't drink coffee, but she was pretty sure a maid cafe wasn't the place to get a proper dark roast like Mamoru liked.

But, hey, it was his money. If he wanted to waste it on mediocre food just to revel in Usagi being forced to be nice to him, well so be it… would be what she would say if she was reasonable about this.

But she wasn't.

It was driving her crazy. She kept waiting for him to openly mock her, to bring up the ridiculousness of her sexy-bunny outfit, to point out the inaccuracies to Lewis Carroll's original work, to somehow get her in trouble by telling her boss about the few times her sweet customer-service veneer cracked. To tell everyone at The Crown about Tsukino Usagi's part-time job as an 'usagi' at a maid cafe.

But… he never did. Sure, when she'd see him at The Crown he'd meet her eyes with an amused sparkle - like they shared some special secret. But he wouldn't mention it to her, or around her (not that she gave him a chance, she was avoiding him so hard when she wasn't at work, afraid he'd lord it over her).

She had the busboy bring him his coffee and scone, but he still waved her over. "What is it?" she almost snapped, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Just wanted some sugar."

"You don't take your coffee with sugar," she answered, automatically. He blinked in almost-surprise, and she instantly regretted it.

"You've been observing how I take my coffee, Odango Atama?"

"I've watched Motoki serve you coffee since I was like fourteen," she said, rolling her eyes. "I know you take it black, I remember because it's bitter and unpleasant that way. Just like you."

Mamoru laughed out loud, and Usagi blinked in surprise. She had expected an arrogant dressing-down for not using her 'honored guest' nonsense, and for slipping unconsciously into their usual antagonistic banter.

"Seriously, Mamoru-baka," she said, lowering her voice and leaning toward him a bit, "why do you keep coming here? You've had your fun, I'm forced to be nice to you, blah, blah. Does that really amuse you just so much that you'll waste entire afternoons studying here?"

His lips pulled up at the corner. "Let's just say the view here beats the hell out of the med school library."

"You don't even look at the girls," Usagi pointed out. It didn't occur to her that it might be strange for her to notice that.

In response, Mamoru raised his brows in challenge, and then proceeded to sweep his eyes over Usagi's skimpy outfit, in a very obvious fashion. She instantly felt her face get hot.

"Baka," she hissed.

"Is that any way to speak to a customer?" he said. Then he held out his coffee cup. "So, can I get that sugar, now?"

Usagi stalked off, walked back and slammed some packets down on the table.

"Has that guy asked you out yet?" Nanako, who played the Cheshire Cat, asked as she removed her pink cat-eared headband.

"What guy?" Usagi said, rolling down her tights and frowning at the red lines the garter had made on her thighs.

"'What guy,' she says." Nanako rolled her eyes. "Everyone's talking about it. He always comes just to order like three things and gawk at you the whole time."

"It's not like that never happens," Usagi muttered. It was true, although not to her. Other girls had 'admirers' who showed up every shift just to sit in their section. "But that's not the case with him anyway."

"He's way too good-looking to be one of those love-lorn losers," Hana butted in. "Usagi, what exactly did you mean when you said you 'know' him?"

Usagi scowled a bit, shrugging a soft t-shirt dress over her body and reveling in its comfort. "He's just some guy."

"I think he likes you," Nanako said, nodding sagely.

Usagi bristled. It wasn't the first time someone had suggested that either she or Mamoru had romantic feelings for each other. Were they blind? She and Mamoru clearly, clearly hated each other. They couldn't even be in the same vicinity without drawing each other's attention, and they both knew massive amounts of the most trivial things about each other in order to better craft insults. She called him a nerd and he called her an airhead, and he showed up at her first job just to make her grovel to him while he read up on the lymphatic system for his stupid school.

They just didn't understand. No one understood their unique relationship. Except maybe Mamoru himself.

Usagi wondered what he'd think if she mentioned that her coworkers thought he showed up to drool over her exposed legs and skimpy top, rather than to antagonize her. Maybe he'd stop showing up if she told him her coworkers had pegged him as pathetic and lovesick over her.

But, she considered as she exited the employee exit and walked to the train station, it might not be worth the humiliation of having him have to so vehemently deny it.

It was a few nights later her worst fear came true - it was someone's birthday.

It was someone's birthday, and Mamoru was there to see it.

The party was a small group of college guys, and the 'birthday boy' ordered a special 'Unbirthday Cake' shot, and all the waitresses gathered together to do their special song and dance.

It involved a cheesy song, some blinky hand movements, and then they all struck a pose around the birthday table. The Cheshire Cat bent forward and grinned, Alice made an 'o' with her lips and her hand by her face, The Queen of Hearts drew her finger across her neck, and so on… and Usagi had to do a little butt-wiggle to make her tail bob.

She usually didn't really mind the birthday song, even if the first couple of times she'd stepped on some feet and moved the wrong way… but the point was to look cute and sexy and exact moves mattered less, so after a while she just got really into it.

But, all the other times, she hadn't felt Mamoru's teasing smirk on her the entire time. When they finished to the applause of the patrons, Usagi slowly turned to sneak a peek at Mamoru and cringed.

He was openly laughing in disbelief, and also looked like he just won the lottery. Masking a scowl behind a pleasant smile, Usagi marched toward his table.

Mamoru was just opening his mouth and by his expression she could tell she was in for the mocking of a lifetime, so she cut him off at the start.

"Mamoru-baka," she said, putting her palms on the table and leaning down slightly so she wouldn't be overheard. "Why are you here all the time? Are you just waiting to watch me trip and fall with a plate full of food? Are you just so starved for human interaction you sit here and drink crap coffee so I'm forced to be nice to you? If you were waiting to see me make a fool of myself in a skimpy bunny outfit, congratulations, you just won the grand prize so whyyyy are you still heeere?!"

He opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment Manami cried out, and Usagi whirled to see 'Alice' trying to free herself off the birthday boy's lap. At first she was firmly but politely admonishing the customer, but when his hands moved to her chest, she cried, "Stop it!" and pushed his hands away from her.

Usagi stepped forward as the other girls rushed to Manami's aid, but stopped when she felt a hand on her arm.

Mamoru stood up and pulled Usagi slightly behind him, and his face was hard as stone, eyes flashing with anger.

And, of course, the manager was already there, talking to the customer and getting him to pay his bill and leave the premises. Manami was led out to the employee room with the other girls, her face already a scowl. It was handled quickly, efficiently and well. Manami would be fine, she knew how to deal with this, and the establishment took care of the employees.

But Mamoru was still standing next to Usagi, hand on her arm. She'd never seen him so tense - it was like he was poised to attack.

"Oh," she said softly, as realization washed over her like a sickening wave. "That's why."

She stepped away from Mamoru and blinked. Something a little like embarrassment and a lot like hurt burned at the back of her throat. "That's why you are here all the time," she said, shaking her head slightly. "To supervise me?"

"Us-"

"Did Motoki put you up to this?" she demanded, determined not to cry. "Telling you to study here so you can … keep an eye on the dumb airhead because she's too stupid to handle herself around drunk customers?"

"That's not-" But he stopped. Seemed to be searching for the right words, but there was a slight, sheepish tilt to his eyebrows that Usagi recognized immediately.

Usagi nodded, pressing her lips together and forbidding - forbidding - any tears to fall. "Got it," she said softly. She refused to look at him, feeling suddenly very, very small and very, very foolish. "Well, thanks anyway," she said, "but I don't need your protection."

She turned and walked away, telling the shift leader she wasn't waiting on table 5 at all, ever again, and that she was taking her 20 minute break right then.

Usagi was exhausted at the end of the night and threw on her street clothes without even washing the dramatic make-up from her face. She was furiously rubbing mascara and eyeliner into her cheeks along with some sneaky, frustrated tears when she walked out the employee exit, and almost ran right into Mamoru.

"Wh-" she said, stepping back. Mamoru stood in the alleyway by the door, leaning against his motorcycle. His head was bowed, slightly, and he was passing a helmet from hand to hand.

"Can I give you a ride home?" he asked, almost tentatively, holding out the helmet.

"Why? Afraid I'll take the wrong train and get lost?" she said. It was meant to sound snarky but her shaky voice ruined it. She swiped angrily at her tears.

He swallowed, looked down again. He felt bad, clearly. Good.

"Motoki didn't put me up to anything," he said, finally. "I just wanted you to know that."

She sniffled, crossing her arms and not looking at him. "So why did you come?"

"Because I…" He sighed. "C'mon, you know why. If I was working at something like this, wouldn't you show up and force me to wait on you hand and foot?"

She couldn't help a smile tugging at her lips, at the thought of Mamoru dressed in a little bunny costume with garter belts, cooing over customers with fancy language. "Yeah," she admitted. "I would've."

There was a beat. "I wasn't there just to protect you," he said. "But I did-, I didn't want to not be there if some jackass… tried something."

"Why would you care?" she mumbled, wiping her nose with her hand. "You hate me." It was a stupid thing to say, Usagi knew. Even if Mamoru did hate her, that didn't mean he wanted to see her sexually harassed. He was still a good person - grudgingly, she had to admit that.

"You know I don't hate you," he said, half-rolling his eyes.

"Okay, okay, hate is a strong word," Usagi said. "I guess I'm like your annoying kid sister or something," she joked.

"Not," he said, still looking at the helmet as he moved it from one hand to the other, "like a sister."

Usagi rolled her eyes. "Fine, like a friend of a friend of an annoying kid sister," she said, grabbing the helmet out of his hands and maneuvering it over the buns in her hair.

It wasn't the first time she had ridden on his bike, but it wasn't a regular occurrence or anything.

Once in HS she called Mamoru to pick her up at a party that had gotten too rowdy when she was too afraid to call her mom and admit she hadn't been at a study group, and too embarrassed to tell any of her friends what had happened. Being first-time tipsy and riding on a motorcycle wasn't the best experience to say the least. She'd thrown up in the bushes in front of her house and vowed never to get on that cursed bike again. Mamoru also called her vomit-breath for like two months after that, insult to injury.

And one day a couple years later she missed the last train and it was freezing cold and no one else was answering their dang phones and he happened to drive by to witness her very public meltdown outside a coffee shop because she realized she'd lost her wallet. And so she ended up on the bike - again, with her arms tight around his waist - again - and he'd even given her his fleece-lined bomber jacket to wear during the ride and the worst part was he never even made fun of her about it or even mentioned it afterwards. And for some reason that had her fuming even more. How dare he be decent? She'd sworn off motorcycles after that.

But now here it was, time number three, arms around his waist as he sat between her legs and wound through the lit-up streets of Tokyo while Usagi let the wind dry her tears, and didn't think - not even for a second - how warm his back was against her.

Instead, she leaned her head against his shoulder blades, shut her eyes, and plotted.

With Luna purring at her feet, Usagi chewed on the end of her pink sparkle pen and surveyed what she'd jotted down in her kitty-shaped notebook that was propped up on her knees as she leaned against the throw pillows on her bed.

MAMORU - haunts my job… why?

+ to torture me

+ to tease me

+ to protect me

+ ?

She drew glittery pink lines through the first three options. Mamoru had been getting his kicks making her grovel before him, but surely the novelty of that had to have worn off by now.

And while he was (apparently) protective of her, sitting there studying a couple times a week wasn't exactly bodyguard status.

So why would he continue to spend tons of money on overpriced, mediocre food and not even look up when anyone but Usagi was around and…

Suddenly she sat up straighter, taking the pen out of her mouth as her jaw dropped slightly.

"Could it be?" she asked Luna, who blinked and her, then yawned and stood, only to curl into another ball and fall back asleep. Usagi put the pen back in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully, processing this new possibility.

"I know your secret," Usagi said, after skipping into The Crown and perching herself on the seat next to Mamoru.

He slid his eyes over to her but didn't respond until he finished his sip of coffee, put the mug down on the counter and wiped the side of his mouth with a napkin. "Well," he said, turning to face her, "that makes one of us. Because I have no idea what you are talking about, Odango Atama."

"You've kept my secret so I can keep yours, but I just want you to know I've figured it out," she nodded smugly.

"Don't keep me in suspense," he said, dryly.

Glancing around her surreptitiously, she leaned forward, bowing her blonde hair toward his black one. "I know why you obsessively hang around Babeland," she said.

"The delicious scones?"

"You," she poked him in the arm with her fingernail, "have a furry fetish."

His cool amusement changed into a double blink of shock. "I'm sorry, I have a what now?"

Usagi licked her lips and lowered her voice, "I notice when you come to the cafe, you request the White Rabbit every time? You barely look up except for when I'm at your table. I mean, clearly you like the bunny costume a little… too much?"

Mamoru looked at her in utter disbelief. He opened his mouth, closed it again, blinked, and then turned to take another long sip of his coffee. "Odango," he started. Stopped. Took a deep breath. Started again. "Odango Atama, that was - by far - the stupidest thing you've ever said to me. And I cannot stress enough how low that bar already is."

She glared at him, anger flaring up in her. She'd been nothing but nice to him, olive branch and all, ready to accept his weird animal-girl hang up with open arms, and he calls her stupid right to her face? What. A. Dick.

"Struck a nerve, did I?" she said.

"That does seem to be a talent of yours," he said coolly.

"Well, I still think I'm right," she said, hopping to her feet and facing him eye to eye. "And I'm gonna prove it."

He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. "How could you eve-"

"Come back to Babeland and see," she challenged, pointing a finger into the middle of his chest. "If you dare."

She marched off with a very satisfying whirl of her hair. If Mamoru was intimidated away from her job, all the better, but if he decided to be stubborn and stop by well…

He wouldn't know what hit him.

A week later, during the slow period between lunch and dinner rush, Usagi leaned on the bar, drumming her fingers idly on the polished wood. "You alright, Tsukino?" the bartender, Hiroshi asked, as he used the down time to wipe some glasses and refresh the garnish station.

"Huh?" She looked up and blinked. "Oh yeah, I'm fine."

More than fine. She'd successfully scared Mamoru away from Babeland for good - at least it seemed that way. Usagi tried to feel triumphant and clever, but it fell flat. It was hard to admit, but having Mamoru here had been kind of… fun. At least it was a diversion from the same-ness of saccharine-sweet customer service that she had to shower upon all the other customers.

Ugh, way to go Usagi, she chided herself as she helped herself to a cherry from Hiroshi's garnish station. Mamoru was probably at another themed cafe, ogling another girl in a bunny costume. One who didn't drop her character to call him names under her breath as she refilled his drinks.

Usagi narrowed her eyes and grabbed another cherry, biting it off the stem violently.

"Hey, save some for the customers, maybe?" Hiroshi said, but Usagi didn't even hear him.

Because at that moment, Mamoru walked through the door. She watched as the hostess led him to the table, and then he looked up and met her eyes. His eyebrow quirked in challenge.

"Well, I'm here," he said, as Usagi dropped off his menus. "I believe you had some hypothesis you think you're going to prove."

Usagi gave her welcoming spiel in a half-bow, with a saccharine sweet, flirtatious smile. She didn't glare. She didn't mock. Not a negative word issued forth from between her glossed lips as he gave his order.

Not many others would notice the spark of confusion in his eyes under his banal expression but Usagi wasn't most people.

Pouting her lips and lowering her shoulders in a way she'd seen Manami do countless times, Usagi made sure her cleavage was at eye-level as she reached over to take the menu from Mamoru's hands, letting her fingers brush his as she did.

"Of course, honored guest," she murmured, peering up at him through her lashes. He was looking at her like she'd pulled a weapon on him, rather than simply - for the first time in her life - treating him sweetly.

Usagi was surprised at how easy it was to flirt openly with her nemesis. Because, she realized, she wasn't 'Tsukino Usagi' here, she was the White Rabbit.

In the bunny outfit she knew secretly turned him on, she'd finally finally gotten the upper hand on Chiba Mamoru. She made sure to swing her hips as she walked back to the kitchen.

Every time Mamoru met her gaze in the restaurant, she would wink and tug on one of the plush ears on her headband or wiggle her backside to make her tail bounce. He would clench his jaw and turn away, missing Usagi's triumphant grins.

When the busboy brought Mamoru his food, she made sure to stop by, lean down just enough so her cleavage was in his face, and purr that she hoped he enjoyed his meal. She'd known him for years and had never seen his eyes so wide.

"Odango Atama, wh- what are yo-" Usagi reached for the cloth napkin on his table and, holding it at the corners, flicked it open with a shake of her wrists. Then, leaning far over, she placed it carefully on Mamoru's lap.

"We mustn't forget our manners," she sing-songed to his khakis, then rose to meet his eyes.

He was looking at her with a piercing, almost angry gaze.

"Usagi," he said, flatly.

"WHITE Rabbit," she corrected him, with a small curtsey.

He sighed. "Is this really necessary?"

She tilted her head to the side and pursed her lips, one finger to her cheek. "Is what really necessary?"

"Acting like…" He waved his hand vaguely in her direction. "This."

"Like what?" She tilted her head to the other side, biting her cheek to keep from grinning in devious victory and his clear annoyance.

He just rolled his eyes and waved her away and Usagi skipped off to deal with her other customers.

It was finally quitting time and she was just about to remove her apron and go to town on yesterday's leftover chocolate covered strawberries, when she noticed the busboy had cleared off Mamoru's table.

Before he could pay the check, she sashayed up to him and leaned over the table, her arm brushing his shoulder. "Dessert?" she offered, her voice husky and right by his ear.

He jumped a bit and scooched back a bit in the booth, which Usagi took as an invite to slide in right next to him.

Her white thigh-high stockings were pressed up against his pleated pants, and his leg was surprisingly warm against hers. Had she ever noticed how long his eyelashes were? Yes, she answered herself, she'd noticed. And like everything about him that was attractive, she'd found it unendingly annoying. Right?

Mamoru shot her withering look and she grinned.

"What, exactly, do you think is going to happen here, Odango Atama?" he said.

"You tell me," she purred, again surprised at how easily the words came, how natural it felt to lean toward him, oozing flirtation.

She could tell by the tensing of his shoulders she was on very thin ice, but this had been so jubilantly fun she just couldn't stop.

"Listen," he said, finally, turning slightly to face her and pulling back slightly in the same movement.

She slid in closer to him.

"I'm not going to pretend I don't deserve this," he said, "but I don't know what exactly you think you'll prove."

"I figured I'd flirt with you shamelessly until you had a mental breakdown over your secret lust for bunny-girls," Usagi said, laying all the cards on the table.

"For the last time, I do not have a-" Mamoru realized he was almost shouting and lowered his voice, glancing around. "I do not have a bunny girl fetish, Usagi."

She bounced a little in her seat. "Care to prove it?"

"How," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "could I possibly 'prove it'?"

The magic of the costume was the only way Usagi had the confidence to lean in further. "You could meet me in the alley out back," she breathed. "I'm off the clock. I'll keep the costume on."

Mamoru looked straight ahead for a moment, then he took a deep breath and turned toward Usagi, his face suddenly very close to hers.

"And what do you suppose would happen then, Odango Atama?" he said, voice slightly challenging and slightly husky and Usagi felt her stomach drop.

It had never, in her wildest dreams, occurred to her that he would flirt back.

Unwilling to back down and let him win, she lifted her chin, finding her sexy-voice, pretending the intense blue of his eyes boring into hers didn't phase her in the least. "I'd let you kiss me as the White Rabbit," she said, and there was a spark of surprise in his eyes, just for a moment. "Can you turn that down?"

If he agreed, it was proof of his strange sexual attraction to anthropomorphic rabbits and Usagi wouldn't ever tease him about it, of course, but she'd have the satisfaction of being right and…

And suddenly the thought of Mamoru actually taking her up on it - kissing her up against the brick wall of the alleyway, a hand squeezing the puffball tail on her skirt, the other caressing a fake rabbit ear, murmuring 'oh bunny-girl, white rabbit' in her ear was so ridiculous and enticing and heartbreaking all at once that she immediately regretted everything she said to him. Ever. She regretted meeting him. She regretted being born. She regretted him being born.

There was no way this wasn't going to end in her feeling utterly destroyed and what had she been thinking?

The look on her face must've made her thoughts obvious, and the amusement returned to Mamoru's eyes, the familiar half-smirk on his lips. He let out a breath of air almost like a laugh and shook his head.

He was letting her off the hook. Wasn't she supposed to be relieved?

To her surprise, Mamoru reached up and touched one felt bunny ear on her headband. Usagi's eyes rolled up trying to see what he was doing. Then, in one smooth movement, he pulled the headband right off of her head, dropping the rabbit ears on the table next to him without a glance.

Usagi looked at the ears, then back to Mamoru as he moved his hand to the side of her face, fingers tangling in the curls of blonde hair by her ear. She promptly forgot how to breathe.

"I am not," he murmured to her, eyes still looking into hers with an intensity that made her shiver, "attracted to the bunny-girl costume."

Then he sat back, handed her her ears back and said, pleasantly, "Check, please."

How dare her legs shake when she walked back to the register! "Table five is ready to pay out, I'm out for the day," she called to whichever costumed co-worker of hers was by the bar, and kept walking directly to her locker.

Stale cigarette smell still hung in the air of the alley, and Usagi leaned back against the brick - the very wall from her horrible/wonderful vision of Mamoru horny as hell for Alice in Wonderland's White Rabbit. She looked up at the thin ribbon of sky visible through the buildings.

"Did I make it weird?" She didn't need to turn to know he was approaching. It was like a sixth sense, Rei had postulated. Yeah, a sense of impending doom, she'd said at the time.

"You always make it weird," Mamoru said, easily.

Usagi turned then, a pursed lip glare already in place. Mamoru laughed, loudly and openly like he always did around her.

"So... truce?" she offered, sticking out a hand to shake.

"Stalemate," he said, ignoring her hand and leaning against the wall next to her.

Now in nothing but a pink sweatshirt and ripped jeans, the allure of the White Rabbit was gone, and so was her desire to torture Mamoru into an early grave. It had been drained out of her as if she was stuck by a pin.

"You okay, Odango Atama?"

"My coworkers think you like me," she said, the words bubbling out of her before she could stop them. "They think that's why you are always here, looking at me when I don't notice. And that's why I thought it had to be the costume, like, otherwise nothing really made sense unless you really were just here as a de facto bodyguard because you think I'm dumb." Her voice was thick, she realized with a panic. And soon she might start to cry. In front of Mamoru.

She hated crying in front of Mamoru.

He leaned down further, and she met his eyes with her watery ones, daring him to mock her, to laugh in her face at her idiotic plans and pathetic defeat.

Instead, he bent his head and slowly brushed her lips with his. It was barely there, a gentle touch of warm, dry lips and the tickle of his hair against her cheek, then his eyes met hers.

"Why did you do that?" she breathed, afraid to move or speak too loudly, lest the strange spell be broken.

"I don't know," he said, just as softly. "Maybe... for the same reason I come here every day."

"To drive me nuts," she suggested, and he did that half-smile breathy laugh that made her heart flip-flop.

"Yeah, probably."

She grabbed his shirt and pulled him down to her, and this time there was nothing barely there about the way her lips claimed his, demanding and warm and open and sweet. His tongue swept into her mouth and her hands fisted through his hair and the wall slammed against her back. But this time there was no costume, only his hands in her hair and on her jean-clad bottom, and the wet heat of his mouth.

It was only much later that Usagi got him to admit that - although the White Rabbit costume was ridiculous - he conceded that she had really made it work for her. Ears and all.