My name is Crimson Glynn, and I'm not a girl. Everyone assumes I am, and I understand why. I was born with two X chromosomes, and thus given a feminine name. While Mom doesn't require it, there's an unspoken expectation that I keep my red hair long so she can braid it in the mornings. Some days, it's the only time we see each other, so I understand her desire for one guaranteed moment.

My parents don't know that I'm a boy. I don't intend on telling them, not yet. Here in Erudite, we're expected to cast aside personal matters to work towards the community. We're not as bad as Abnegation about it, since we still allow ourselves indulgences in the moments of peace, but there's always work to be done, things to be improved. Something as "insignificant" as my gender issues would just distract them.

The only two people who know about my gender are my step-brother Ash and my therapist, Miss Dawson.

Ash was the obvious choice to tell. He's my brother, and we keep each other's secrets all the time. I know all the people he's kissed (he has a serious thing for Dauntless kids who could snap his neck), all the tests he's cheated on, all the times he's sneaked out in the middle of the night to jog because he can't sleep. He knows what few secrets I actually keep, so it's natural that he holds this one.

With Miss Dawson, it took me a while to open up to her. I was initially referred for anxiety, like many other teenagers (especially members of Erudite, for understandable reasons), but over time, it became obvious that I needed to tell her about what had really been weighing me down. She was understanding, and explained that I wasn't the only one going through gender dysphoria. She couldn't disclose who else due to privacy concerns, and she warned me that many people wouldn't understand.

If I choose to stay in Erudite, I'lleventually be able to fully transition. The technology isn't here yet, since after the wars that ruined most of the world, a lot of "non-essential" technology and medical advancements were lost. However, a team is getting close to synthesizing the necessary hormones. It would be risky, as test subjects would be few and far between, but it's hypothetically possible that I could be indistinguishable from someone born with XY chromosomes before I turn 30.

If, that is, I choose to stay in Erudite.

A choice I'll have to make tomorrow.

To say I've been mulling over it for a long time would be a complete understatement.

Candor was already out a long time ago. While I can appreciate the emotional honesty I see from everyone (and wish I could have for myself), the career choices are limiting. I could study law, and that's basically it. Accounting, I guess, but that's an option in Erudite as well.

Abnegation's out as well. I understand why selflessness is a desirable trait, but to the extent they're expected to uphold? No way in hell. They blend into the background, wearing nothing but grey and owning nothing. While I don't have much ambition, the idea of spending all my time working with the factionless and living a quiet life just bored me. Plus, given the recent reports of abuse… yeah, absolutely not.

Dauntless is the other end of that spectrum. They're wild and loud, and every moment seems to be a blast, but from everything I've heard, their training is brutal. Of course, no one's supposed to talk about a faction's Initiation ritual, but I've heard all kinds of things, from throwing knives at each other to literally facing your worst fears. People die there. Like, a lot. And young. I don't think I could keep up with that kind of life.

Then there's my home, Erudite. I could do a lot here. The faction's good about having a wide variety of paths for people to study, from practical like engineering or science, to more entertaining ones, like classical music. Of course, it was expected that someone going into an entertainment field could also do math, but everyone could appreciate talent and dedication to any craft. I'll be able to study whatever I want.

Botany's my passion, sort of. I love looking at plants, watching them grow from seedlings to beautiful blossoms. The science behind it's interesting, at least more than other fields. Plus, botanists often got to visit Amity and do field work, and that sounded amazing.

But then, why have the middle man? Why not just join Amity?

Amity doesn't require skills, at least nothing you couldn't learn while you were there. You work in the fields, harvesting and tending to crops, or you work with the animals, or fix machinery. It's all hard work physically, sure, but there's nothing mentally taxing. It's simple, repetitive, and perfect. Everyone I've met from there is incredibly happy there, and I've been in love with the faction since the first field trip my class took when we were in our first year. We'd gone out to the blueberry fields to learn about how plants grow, and then we could harvest and eat as many as we liked. I had so many that I threw up, and then immediately went back for seconds. Ash still teases me every time he sees me snacking on them.

But if I leave for Amity, I won't see my parents very much. Staying attached to your family after you transfer factions is discouraged. Faction before blood, and all. But I still love my parents, more than most people expressed in Erudite. Mom especially has managed to stay warm and loving despite all her hard work researching various medicinal compounds (lately, she'd been studying serums to help with minor vision loss), and given what my friends say about their parents, that was incredibly rare. My stepdad tried his best, but he was swamped with work, and constantly stressed out of his mind.

There was also the fact that I'm not always nice. Sure, I can be polite, and try to stay positive, but my inner monologue is a constant stream of bitching. Bitching about homework, teachers, random students around me. I'm kind to people, but I don't always want to be.

And I have to decide where to go tomorrow.

I won't be guideless. After lunch, we'll be taking our Aptitude Test, and I'd hopefully have answers as to where I would be best.

My mom always told me to think with my heart, but make decisions with my brain. Honestly, neither have any idea what they want.

The class bell rings with a start, and I hadn't realized how long I'd been zoned out. Ash wakes up in the seat next to me, his disheveled black hair covering his steely grey eyes for a moment as he stretched.

There was no way Ash is staying in Erudite. He's smart, sure, but he doesn't have the motivation to make it. We both know it. He'll most likely go to Dauntless, and the thought scares me. We've been best friends ever since our parents moved in together when we were three, and he's been the best brother I could have asked for. Sure, he was a dick sometimes, but we're 16.

16 really isn't the right age to make life altering decisions. Studies have shown that the brain isn't fully developed until 25 or so, but it's a tradition that had gone for well over a hundred years, so I just have to go with it.

As we walk to class, a couple of Ash's friends come up and started talking to him, ignoring me completely. It's fine, I don't really like them anyway, not even enough to remember their names. They're a couple years younger than us, and even though they were incredibly smart, they act like idiots. Erudites should know better. I don't think Ash likes them much either, but they only ever bother him after Faction History, and he's usually still waking up from his nap, so he doesn't have the energy to tell them to fuck off.

"Hey, Ash, wanna join in this game we've been playing?" The brown-haired one (Jason? Jacob? Something like that) asks.

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, we've been seeing how many Abnegation students we can knock over before a teacher catches us. Jeremy thinks we can't get past five, and we're already at three."

"That's rude." I honestly don't mean to say it out loud, but it just slides out.

Jeremy looks at me and sneers. "What are you, some kind of Stiff Hugger? 'That's rude.' God, Ash, your sister's such a buzzkill. Why do you even let her follow you around, anyway?"

Ash doesn't respond. It's very likely he'd fallen asleep standing up. I can't think of the last night he had a good night's sleep.

"Oh, hey, there's a good mark. Jiao Drina, that girl from English." The one that wasn't Jeremy points to an Asian girl, quietly walking along the edge of the hallway. clutching her books to her chest.

"Hmm? What's going on?" Ash mutters.

"Hey, you want the honors? We're knocking over Stiffs."

Ash just blinks slowly.

"Ugh, fine. Jeremy, let's go."

Before I can say anything, they walk by and trip her over, laughing as her books spill to the floor.

Instinctively, I run to help. She scrambles to gather (and hide?) the scraps of paper, so I grab a few that had fluttered further away. I don't mean to snoop, but as I pick one up, I notice they're… drawings? The one I have in my hand is a building. A church? Maybe, I'm not sure what churches in Abnegation are like. It's good too, like she's been practicing for years.

"Damn, you're good at this." I comment as I hand them back.

Her eyes widen. "Please don't tell anyone about those, miss!" She hastily grabs them back, shoving them in her folder.

"What?"

"D-drawing is self indulgent."

I narrow my eyes. "So your faction doesn't even allow you to do anything fun? God damn, your faction is fucked." I shake my head and sigh. She's probably too young to transfer. "Once you turn 16, get the hell out of there."

"What? No, I-"

"Jiao!" A boy my age frantically runs up, out of breath by the time he arrives. "Are you okay? I heard people laughing about someone being tripped, and I-" He looks up at me, a protective glare in his eyes that only a brother can have. "Did you do this?"

"No, Shui! She helped me." Jiao squeaks out.

His expression seems to soften. "Uh, well, glad to know at least someone in Erudite is kind. Thank you, miss."

"It's no problem." And I have to walk away, because if I get called Miss one more time, I'm going to scream.

0-0-0-0-0

The clock softly ticks in the background, just like it always does in Miss Dawson's office. She always offers to quiet it, as it bothers some students, but it's nice for me. Brings me back into the real world when I get trapped inside my mind.

"So, Mr. Glynn." She's the only person to call me that, and it always makes me so unreasonably happy. "As you're aware, today is our last meeting. If you remain in Erudite, I have a few colleagues I can refer you too that are more experienced with the issues you face." She looks at me expectantly.

"I'm still not sure where I'm going to end up, honestly."

Miss Dawson smiles a little. "That's perfectly normal, Crimson. Do you feel that the Aptitude Test will help you make your decision?"

I shrug. "I mean, I guess. If it says I should go to Amity, I will, but I don't know if I'm nice enough for that. You know how much of a bitch I am."

"Just because you think mean thoughts doesn't make you a mean person. Perhaps, by joining, you could unlock an inner kindness within yourself?"

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Guess I'll figure it out tomorrow." I give a shaky laugh. "Ash still isn't sleeping well."

"Didn't you mention at our last session that he was taking a new medicine?"

"Gave him nightmares. Besides, he wouldn't be able to take it with him when he transfers, so there's no point."

"Ah, yes, you've mentioned his likelihood to transfer. Where is he going, again?"

"Dauntless, probably. Even though he acts like a Candor smart-mouth when he's fully awake."

"I see. And do you feel that's affecting your views on transferring?"

"It's weird. Like, I know our paths are going to diverge, even though it still hasn't really sunken in yet, so I don't feel like I have to stay here for him, but if he goes, then should I stay to keep our parents happy?"

Miss Dawson adjusts her glasses slightly. "I can't answer these questions for you, Crimson. They're for you alone."

"I know, I know. I'm not expecting an answer." Even though I'd like someone to just make the decision for me. God, that would make things easier.

There was a moment of silence before Miss Dawson continues. "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss."

"Uh, not really? I don't know, the general stress of being called Miss is getting to me, but hopefully that'll pass. You know how it is for me. Phases of being super bothered, then not caring a whole lot. Let's see. Oh, you know those underclassmen who always hang around Ash?"

"You've mentioned them. Jason and Jeremy?"

"Yeah, those two." How'd she remember their names when I can't even do it? "Yeah, apparently they've been just randomly shoving Abnegation girls down." I roll my eyes. "They tripped this one girl, and her stuff went everywhere, and I went to help, yeah? And like, he has these really detailed drawings, but when I tried to complement her, she begged me not to tell anyone." Wow, guess I failed at that. "How fucked up is that? A kid's not even allowed to draw."

"Every faction has their rules." I can tell Miss Dawson agrees with me, though. Or maybe I'm just projecting.

"I know. Still screwed up. She looked like I was about to hit her or something." I shrug. "I just feel weird about it." I don't know what else to say. If I talk more about transferring, I'll just go in circles, and Miss Dawson basically knows everything going on. "Hey, mind if I just start telling you funny stories for the rest of the hour? I don't think I have anything else to have a productive conversation about, you know?"

"If that's how you'd like to end off, then go for it."

0-0-0-0-0

My last class before lunch (and there for, for the rest of my life, if I didn't continue my education with Erudite) os Ethics and Philosophy. It's an elective, though I honestly feel like everyone should take it. Most electives tend to attract only one or two factions. Erudites like to take every class they can and broaden their horizons, so you can usually find at least one in every class. Amity members end up in art and music classes, though many take Biology courses as well. Candor often take law and history classes in order to prepare for their initiation. Abnegation kids often use their elective periods to help prepared packaged lunches for students and office workers. Dauntless members take a lot of physical ed classes, and surprisingly enough, chemistry. Though, that one's probably because Mrs. Surrett has a tendency to let students experiment with, ahem, reactive substances.

Ethics and Philosophy, however, has a mix of students from all factions. It's one of the rare classes that was participation based only, so assuming you show up, you passed. However, even though a lot of students take it as an easy Pass, most students end up loving it. We discuss various ethical issues, from current events to hypothetical scenarios, and getting to hear opinions from all five factions is beautiful.

Ms. Garnett is a wonderful teacher. She often asks questions to students after they give their opinions, not to make them feel stupid, but to understand why they feel that way. She herself is an Erudite (as most professors are), but openly talks about how her Candor upbringing affects her. She makes it known that no one faction has all the answers, and that for our society to function, we need to listen to one another and think critically about what we're told.

She was one of the few people who outwardly believes that all of Erudite's writings about Abnegation are propaganda. I'm honestly surprised they let her teach.

When I get to class, Ash is taking another nap at his desk in the inner ring. I sit in the desk next to him and lightly shake his shoulder. "Class is about to start, you know?"

He just kind of shrugs. Oh well, he usually wakes up by the time group discussions start.

"Hey, guys!" Myra says as she sits down at the desk next to me. "Our last class ever. Weird, right?" She's nice, with a positive attitude that's only rivalled by Amity girls. Is that where she belongs? If I was to go to Amity, it would be nice to have her with me. We aren't close friends, exactly. We never hang out outside of class, except for the occasional group study session, but I'm sure I could be her friend if I put in the effort. But she already has a large friend group, plus she's dating the strongest boy in Erudite, so she probably doesn't need me.

"Yeah, it's something."

"Hey, Ash, you awake?" Myra asks, chewing on her pen a little. She'll end up getting lipstick on her pen again, and end up wiping it off in a few minutes. This always happens.

Ash gives a thumbs up, then holds up four fingers. I'm not sure how he plans to be fully awake in four minutes, but whatever.

The bell rings, and a small group of Dauntless shuffle in before Ms. Garnett stands up. "Attention, class!" She's smiling really big. "I'm happy to announce that you all have officially passed! Today is completely optional, so if you'd like to leave and think over your decisions, just be quiet as you leave." About half of the Dauntless who came in late get up to leave. "For those who stay, we'll be having an open discussion about Choosing Day." Good. Maybe I can soak up some wisdom from others. "My first question for you all is 'What would make you transfer?'"

There's a couple moments of silence before an Amity girl pipes up. "Aptitude Test results!"

Ms. Garnett smiles. "Of course. But are there any other reasons?"

Caleb, the only Abnegation student in our class, raises his hand as he speaks. "To transfer for any other reason would be selfish."

One of the Candor members, Peter, scoffs. "Fuck, Stiff, not everyone cares about that shit." If he wasn't such a dick, he'd be handsome.

"Language, sir." Ms. Garnett says, like she's had to a thousand times. "If you're going to speak out, please contribute to the conversation. What would make you transfer?"

"Easy. My faction's a bunch of stuck up losers."

The conversation devolves into how reliable can the Aptitude Test even be. None of us know how it works, but I do understand how a simple test could feel insufficient. I'm tempted to leave, but then Myra speaks up.

"What about transferring to be with someone you love?"

I know she's talking about Edward, and the thought of Myra Madison punching someone almost makes me laugh. But then, it hits me. I could transfer there too.

I look over at Ash, and he's fully awake, sharp eyes following the conversation. I haven't seen him smile in years, not truly. Sure, he laughs at the jokes our friends Will and Sebastian make, but a true smile? Not since he got braces when he was twelve, and by the time they came off, the pressure of Erudite had cracked him.

If we transfer to Dauntless together, I'll get to see his smile again.

0-0-0-0-0

A/N: Hiya! I'm back, and this time with a rewrite. I didn't like the way my old story was going, and I figured instead of editing it, I may as well rewrite it. As I've read other fanfics, I've realized that the Divergent series as a whole has incredibly lazy worldbuilding. I was invited to join a Discord server where we discuss the series and our fanfics, and lemme tell you, I've absorbed a lot from it. If you too would like to look at the series with a critical eye, our invite code is YXGZ88X. Be warned, there are spoilers for mine and other fanfics, so tread with caution.

Special shout out to PraiseBees and Ceric for making the Divergent world feel rich and alive in their fics. They've both been a huge source of inspiration and given me a new love for what the series can be.