Where Do We Go?

The first time it happened, neither of them had even known Misty was pregnant until Ash had returned home from work to find her bent over in pain on the bathroom floor. Scooping her off the floor, they rushed to the hospital where the doctor had informed them that Misty had suffered a miscarriage.

"Natural causes," the doctor had explained. "Sometimes, this just happens, and nobody knows why."

She had only been a little over two months along, but the news had hit them like a tidal wave. To think, for the briefest of moments, they had been expectant parents. The reality of the situation had left him feeling paralyzed and left with many questions, mostly about the child he would never meet. Eventually, the shock began to wear off, and they talked seriously about starting a family. It was what they both wanted. Despite their eagerness to start a family, their efforts didn't come without tragedy.

Nearly seven months after the first, Misty miscarried for a second time. When the pain struck, they had been visiting Misty's sisters. As the blood started to trickle down her leg, Misty looked at Ash, her eyes wide with fear. It could have been anything, and Ash had prayed that it was anything else but what they both felt in their guts. Immediately, Ash sprung into action, sweeping Misty into his arms as he barked orders to Daisy.

They had tried to stay optimistic, telling themselves they were not alone; that this was an unfortunate experience for many couples trying to have kids. But that only lasted them up until Misty miscarried for the third time.

During the car ride home, Ash stared straight ahead at the road in front of him while Misty rested, her head leaning against the passenger seat window. Protruding from her white t-shirt was the small baby bump, her hands gently resting against it. Just a few hours ago, she and Ash had looked at that small bump with joy and anticipation. How naive could we be?

"I'm so sorry, Ash," Misty whispered when she spotted him glancing at the bump under her shirt. The words squeezed at his heart. How could she think for even a second that she's to blame? "I'm so sorry…"

"Mist," he sighed, reaching out to grab her hand. Ash squeezed it tight, brushing his thumb across the top of her hand. "It was never your fault."

In the weeks that followed, despite his best efforts to coax Misty out of their bedroom and back to her daily routine, she remained under the covers for days, only coming out for the occasional meal, and only after he practically begged her to eat something. She barely even talked with him, pushing him away every time he tried to ask her how she was feeling or if she wanted to talk about what had happened. He'd even tried to get her to speak with his mom, her sisters, Brock, May-anyone. It didn't have to be him. But she refused, only allowing Pikachu to comfort her and share in her grief.

Ash had tried to rationalize her behavior by telling himself that she needed time to process and mourn what had happened on her own, but didn't she know that he had experienced this loss too? They were supposed to be in this together, yet she did nothing but push him away. He'd even taken up sleeping on the couch so he didn't have to feel the sting of rejection when she asked him to let her be alone. He had hoped that, over time, things between them would have gone back to normal, but he noticed that this time, the distance between them grew significantly.

Misty eventually came out of her room and returned to her position as the Cerulean City Gym Leader, but the intimacy that had once been there was gone. Even the slightest touch was met with a flinch and a cold stare in his direction. Misty began to look at him the same way she viewed bug pokémon. Feeling helpless, Ash began to fear their marriage was in trouble.

OoO

Nearly a year had gone by when Ash and Misty found themselves curled up on the couch, Misty's head resting comfortably in Ash's lap. The ice that had existed between them before had slowly thawed over the months as Misty grew more comfortable with Ash's touch again. He'd missed the intimate parts of their relationship, and although it was nowhere near when they were first married, Ash was appreciative of the progress Misty had made.

"I want to try again."

"Huh?"

"I want us to try again for a baby," she explained. Ash could see the excitement in her face, but he could also see her fear and uncertainty hiding just below the surface. "Look, I don't know what's going to happen, but I don't want to give up, not yet."

Ash sighed. "Mist, I'm all for it, but I also don't want to see you go through this again. I don't want our marriage to go through that again. It took a toll last time, and, if I'm honest, I think we're still recovering from the last one."

Misty sat up, her face suddenly flushed with anger. "What are you saying?" she snapped. "That it's not going to happen? That this next one's not going to make it either?"

"Misty, hang on a second!" He gently placed his hands on her shoulders, staring her directly in the eyes. "That's not what I'm saying at all. Trust me, I want this too, but I just...I just want us to be prepared, you know?"

Misty's shoulders fell in defeat. "I know. I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me to jump at you like that." Ash had to hold back a smile. Misty was apologizing to him! "It's just you're always the optimistic one. For you to not be, well, it's unsettling."

"It's okay. How about this? You take some time to think it over," Ash suggested. "Whatever you decide, I'm on board."

Misty tilted her head in thought before nodding. "Okay."

OoO

When Brock called, Ash was in Sinnoh attending an annual league meeting. It took Brock a few tries to get a hold of Ash, but when he finally did, Ash immediately sprung into action. Barely pausing to explain there was a family emergency, Ash rushed out of the conference room, Pikachu clinging to his jacket. He repeatedly jammed the down button on the elevator before growing impatient and taking the stairs all eighteen floors down. The minute he exited the building, he released Charizard and urged the pokémon to take him to the airport as fast as he could.

It was quite the hassle getting a last-minute plane ticket to Viridian, but as soon as the plane touched down and taxied to the gate, Ash was up and out of his seat, pushing through the crowd of people in a struggle to be the first one off the plane. Once free, he practically sprinted through the airport and to the passenger pick up area where he spotted his mother's red, beat-up sedan.

Yanking the door open, he threw his backpack into the backseat before jumping into the passenger seat and slamming the door shut behind him. Poor Pikachu nearly toppled right into Ash's mother, disoriented by the pace at which Ash was traveling. Delia drove for only a few minutes before she pulled off into an abandoned parking lot and placed the car in park.

"Why are we stopping?" Shouldn't they be trying to get to the hospital as soon as they can? Didn't his mom remember they were fighting against the clock here?

Delia ignored her son's question and instead rested her hands in her lap. "Sweetheart," she sighed, and that's when Ash knew. In the blink of an eye, the adrenaline that had been propelling him forward since Brock's phone call came to a screeching halt. Then, as quickly as it disappeared, it came rushing back in the form of overwhelming grief. "Misty is okay, but the baby didn't make it. I'm so sorry, honey."

"What?" Ash stared back at his mom, his voice cracking. "But...we were so careful this time."

Reaching across to the passenger seat, Delia pulled her son close, embracing him as his body started to shake. "Oh, honey, I know. I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over as she gently stroked his hair just as she had done when he was little. "They really tried, but she was just so tiny," Delia explained. She? It had been a little girl? "Even at Misty's stage of pregnancy, there was nothing they could do. Sometimes, these things just happen, and nobody knows why. I'm so sorry, Ash."

In the middle of an abandoned parking lot, Ash continued to cry ugly tears of pain and anger, pounding his fist on the dashboard. Why? Why did it have to be them? Why did it have to be their baby? He should have been there. All he could think about was Misty, scared, alone, and not knowing what was happening. If he'd been there, maybe he could have gotten her to the hospital sooner. Maybe their baby's life could have been saved.

It's all my fault.

Ash continued to cry in his mother's arms until his tears had all but dried up. Soon, he felt his mother's warm embrace vanish as the car came back to life, and Delia pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the main road. The whole drive to the hospital, Delia used one hand to steer the car and the other to hold her son's hand, gently tracing her thumb over the top of his hand.

When they arrived, Delia gave Ash clear instructions on how to find Misty's room, assuring him she would be there as soon as she parked the car.

"You gonna be okay, Ash?" Delia asked.

Ash felt the urge to turn back around and jump back into the comforting embrace of his mother, but Misty needed him. He'd had his moment to mourn, and now he needed to be strong for both of them.

Ash nodded. "Misty needs me. I'll meet you up there, okay?"

"Okay. See you soon."

Misty was asleep when he entered the room, but he quickly spotted Brock sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed. "Ash!" Brock called, jumping up to greet him with a hug. When Brock stepped back, Ash could see his pain reflected at him in Brock's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Ash. I tried to get her as fast as I could. She called, and I just…I didn't know what to do. I thought everything was okay..."

"Brock, it's okay." Ash would never doubt that Brock had done everything he could. It's not your fault he wanted to tell his friend. It's mine. "Really. Thank you for being there for her."

"Of course," Brock nodded. Suddenly, Ash and Brock heard a groan as Misty's eyes fluttered open. When her eyes met Ash's, she quickly turned away. "I'll be outside if you need anything," Brock said before making his way out of the room.

Climbing into the bed next to her, Ash pulled Misty into his arms, wrapping her in a tight embrace. As he held her close, running his fingers through her hair, she started to cry into his chest, her sobs shaking her tiny frame. Leaning down, he gently kissed the top of her head.

"I love you Mist. I'm so sorry."

After everything that had happened before, they had been extremely careful this time around. The minute Misty had found out, her duties at the Cerulean City Gym were out of the question, and her activity was limited to only the necessary day-to-day tasks. And not even two months later, she had been put on bed rest. They even moved in with Ash's mother so that she could help keep an eye on Misty. But it had all been for naught.

"No more," she said, shaking her head. "My heart can't take this anymore."

"Okay," Ash agreed, feeling his tears slide down his cheek. "No more."