May It Be – Potter Chronicles

Massive thank you to Dorothea on the turn around on this one.

The nature of impending fatherhood is that you are doing something that you're unqualified to do, and you then become qualified while doing it - John Green.

…

The soothing sound of waves breaking gently in the distance reached Harry's ears as he sat alone on the garden deck in the early evening. A sigh of contentment escaped his lips as he basked in the long rays of the evening sun, and his eyes rested on the picturesque landscape surrounding their house.

Cornwall was always beautiful, and especially so in the summer.

He reclined in his garden chair and allowed his body to relax, the sturdy oak frame supporting the plush white fabric cushions helped him ease into comfort.

Something wet brushed his right hand that dangled freely from the arm of the chair, followed by smooth fur.

"Hello Ellie, are they getting too much for you inside?" He looked down at their faithful border-collie.

Ellie sat down beside his chair, her head cocked to the side and her ears twitched, as if she tried to get a better read of his expression. Her tail thumped softly against the wooden deck.

He ruffled her head and relaxed back into the chair.

Ellie laid down with a huff and rested her head on his foot.

"I take that as a yes, then," he muttered.

Daphne had invited Tracey over to share their news with her best friend. After the initial excitement and congratulations, Harry had left the two women to their talk, he'd learned the hard way about Tracey's favourite topic of conversation when Blaise was not around to steer her back.

And what momentous news Daphne had for her best friend! The corners of his mouth turned up, and he chuckled at the memory how she'd shared the happy news with him.

He had arrived home from a long day at work and was hoping to have a shower before settling down with Daphne for the evening. As he had entered their bedroom, he had found her sat on the edge of the bed. Her face was averted from him, she sat very still and stared out of the window.

A cold fist gripped his heart. She had been having sickness over the last few weeks, and he had become concerned and insisted she had to see a healer today. Had the examination come up with something serious?

He dropped his jacket on the bed and headed around the bed towards her. "Daphne? How did it go with the healer today?"

She jumped at his voice, and turned her head to face him with a blinding smile, although the corners of her mouth quivered.

"It went well, but it seems I have caught a rather persistent bug. The healer thinks it will last for about eight months."

"What kind of bug lasts -" He stopped himself. His breath caught, and his heart missed a beat. She wasn't... Was she?

"We are having a child, Harry."

His heart jumped into his mouth, the final piece of the puzzle fell into place. A family of his own!

He had gathered her in his arms and twirled her around, while his exuberant laughter filled the room. He'd held her close, much like he had when he came to her after the final battle. She was the most precious thing to him, even more so now she was carrying his child.

Her heartbeat tumped against his chest, her joyous chuckles were music in his ears.

Gods, he was going to be a father!

Daphne had made it clear early in their relationship that she wanted children, something he had heartily agreed with. The news was bliss to her, as it was to him.

At least at first.

He recalled getting ready for bed that evening and passing the sideboard in the hallway. It held a number of photographs from Daphne's childhood: her mother and father holding her as a newborn, the same again with Tori, the girls playing with their mother and father, birthdays and other such family memories.

Then it had dawned on him.

He had never had that, he never had any permanent parental figures in his life.

Now he lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling, and unable to sleep from the worry.

Would he be a good father? Could he even be?

He had no frame of reference, no role model. Uncle Vernon had never been a father to him. He shuddered as he remembered all the beatings and the willing neglect; no wonder Dudley turned out to be such a horrendous shit.

The only father he'd seen interact with his children was Mr Weasley. A small chuckle escaped Harry. Let's face it, Mr Weasley had always treated him kindly, but his fascination with Muggles meant that his relationship with Harry was more of an educational one for the former. No, if anything, Mr Weasley was the weird, but loveable uncle of the family. Not to mention that he was royally pussy-whipped by his wife. Harry shook his head. While he loved Daphne with everything he had, he was not inclined to go down that path.

By all rights Sirius should have been the father figure in his life. Sadly enough, of all males in his life who could have been a role model for him, Sirius had been the most absent. Not by his own choice, Sirius never got the chance to be a godfather.

Harry sighed. His emotions surrounding his godfather were complex and contradictory, to say the least.

Until today he still blamed himself for Sirius' death. He and Daphne had spoken about it in great length, and his fiancé had given him a royal dressing down for blaming himself. She had pointed out that Sirius had acted cocky and overconfident in his fight with Bellatrix, when he should have taken down the deranged witch as fast as possible. Though most of his guilt had eased over their talks, there was no denying that Sirius had died saving him from a grave error in judgement.

At least talking to Daphne about it had helped him to move on and live with the guilt without being dragged down by it.

'You're going to be an Auror, love,' she had said, though the tension had been evident on her face. 'You're going to fight, and you're going to have to make tough decisions in the blink of an eye. In hindsight, not all of them will turn out to be right, given you might not have had all the information and no time left. In that knowledge, you won't beat yourself up about your decision, will you?'

He had shaken his head.

'See, it's the same with how Sirius died. You acted on the information you had, there was no way for you to know you had been played. Damned, Harry, you were only fifteen! If the adults in your life, namely Dumbledore, wanted to prevent you from charging in, they should have been more open with you. After all, they knew how you are.'

He smiled at the memory. What would he do without her setting him straight? His life for sure would be a much darker place.

His brief time with Sirius in his life was marred by the fact that he was on the run, a criminal in the eyes of the law. No matter how hard his godfather may have tried, he couldn't have been the father Harry was missing. Besides that, would he have been a good father?

To his fifteen year old self Sirius' easygoing, rebellious ways had been cool. Now, at the age of twenty, he wasn't so impressed with that anymore. The man had been thirty-five, for Morgana's sake, and still acted like a teenager, especially when it came to Snape.

As loathe as he was to admit it, Sirius was probably the worst role model of being a father. There had to be more to parenthood than just laughing off the mischief your child came up with.

The man he'd looked up to most during his forming years as a young man was probably Dumbledore.

His heart gave a few, hard thumps, and he tensed. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and pressed his lips together.

His feelings on Dumbledore were even more complicated than his feelings towards Sirius.

His view on the former headmaster had changed a lot over the years. He'd looked up to him with unwavering loyalty throughout his school years, hell, he even went to his death because Snape's memory had shown him that's what Dumbledore had said needed to happen. At that time he hadn't even thought of questioning Dumbledore's decision, his life for the wellbeing of many had seemed like a logical choice for him.

Yet there already had been a small flickering of resentment in him as he walked towards the Forbidden Forest to meet his death. Why had it always been him who had to make the sacrifices?

Over the years his resentment had grown, and the cracks in the glass started to form. Whilst Harry agreed that at that point of the war his death was necessary with the information at hand, it did not lessen the pain that he'd been herded to his death by a man he looked up to. Had there really been no other choice than raising him to be the lamb for slaughter? It seemed unthinkable that a man with Dumbledore's vast knowledge of magic at least didn't try to find another way to get rid of Voldemort's soul piece within him. Why had Dumbledore to play everything close to his chest? He could have told Sirius as well, Sirius would never have betrayed him, and he had the knowledge of the Blacks about dark magic at his fingertips. There had had to be something about Horcruxes in the infamous Black library. Alas, he'd never know, the library had been destroyed when the Death Eaters raided the house during the war.

The biggest crack to his image of Dumbledore, however, was that he forced him to return to his relatives each summer. Surely someone had noticed how underweight he was up until his sixth year? Or how ragged his clothes were? How many people had laughed at him over those things?

His mind raced, and his nostrils flared as his breathing quickened.

A low whine from his feet snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked down.

Ellie looked back up at him, with a round back, her head held low, and her eyes big and round.

Was the air around him colder than before? He cursed under his breath. It was rare that he allowed his anger to spill into his magic. Unfortunately, the Dumbledore subject tended to bring that out in him.

He reached down and scratched behind Ellie's ear. "Sorry girl, just thinking too much." It was amazing how in tune dogs were with their owners at times.

A growl of approval met the action, and Ellie wiggled her tail.

His little fur beast's right ear perked up and her eyes came alive as she looked past him, her whole body alert. There was only one person she did that around.

"Hello Blaise."

"You know that freaks me out when you Aurors do that," replied the dark skinned wizard.

Harry snorted and turned to look over his shoulder.

Blaise held two small glasses of whisky between two of his fingers and the bottle in the other hand.

"I could sense someone was behind me, but Ellie here always reacts the same when she sees you, the right ear is a give away," he replied and gestured for the spare seat next to him. "You're late."

"Things got a little hairy at the office, had to tidy some things up before I left." Blaise chuckled as he took the seat beside him, passed him a whisky and raised his glass. "Congratulations are in order, I believe."

"Indeed, still trying to process it, really." He took a sip of his drink and cringed as the burning liquid went down his throat. Gods, he hated this stuff.

Blaise laughed at his expression. "I don't know why you take my offer every time, I know you hate the stuff!"

"Then why do you keep bringing this devil liquid?"

"I had a bet with Tracey to see how long it would take you to say something."

That piqued his curiosity. "Who won?"

"Tracey, she thought you'd be too polite to say anything. I figured the Slayer-of-the-Dark-Lord would put me straight after the second attempt."

"Sorry to disappoint, though knowing Tracey, I imagine the punishment wasn't too bad for you?" He leaned back and without thought took another drink, and grimaced again. "Urgh, Merlin, why did I do that?" He cursed, placed the glass down, and glared at Blaise, who was having a good chuckle to himself.

"Yeah, you're right, that woman is insatiable."

"Does not surprise me at all. Although spare me the details, please."

"I will. So, how are you feeling about the news? I've never seen Daphne so happy, personally."

His chest grew warm with happiness at that. Seeing Daphne's excitement and elation at announcing her pregnancy to him back when she found out was incredible. Seeing her smile was an addiction to him, as was her passion. She couldn't wait to be a mother, that was another part of him that made him fear fatherhood. Whilst she was over the moon, he felt fear. Was there something wrong with him?

"I... I am excited, all I've ever wanted is a family." He paused. Was Blaise the best person to speak to about this? They got on very well, once Harry had pushed aside his blanket view on Slytherins. The dark skinned wizard was very reserved and mild mannered in nature, not a great deal different from himself.

"I sense a but?"

He steeled himself, if he could expose his deepest secrets to Daphne after just two encounters, he could open up about this. Blaise wouldn't say anything to anyone, he wouldn't risk Tracey's ire at upsetting her best friend.

"I have no idea what I'm doing, it's not like I have any strong father figures to look up to for an example. Just worried sick I'm going to mess it up." He didn't take his eyes off the horizon. A weight seemed to roll off his chest. It was out there now.

"I think it's only natural to be afraid, but you already have some experience with Teddy."

"That's not quite the same, he lives with his Grandmother full time, so I don't deal with most of the particulars in his upbringing."

"Have you fed him, changed him, played with him?"

He nodded. Where was this going?

"Then you have some of the basics down already. Children aren't easy, from what little I know, but you're already ahead of most of us in handling a child." Blaise reached over and gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"Does the wisdom come from Tracey, or are you naturally so wise?"

"Fuck off, Potter." Blaise snorted.

The two young men slipped into a comfortable silence.

Harry mulled over Blaise's words. He had a point, his experience with Teddy would help, and Merlin knew he'd been terrified of handling his godson at first. Andi had not let that stop him though, she'd thrown him in the deep end at times, and yet he'd not done a bad job at all with the little boy. Perhaps he wouldn't be as bad as he feared afterall?

"Daphne worries for you, mate, and you're daft if you think she can't see that something is bothering you. Heck, even I could, and I see you maybe once or twice a week."

Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes. Blaise was right, but he didn't want to give Daphne the wrong idea. In the end she'd think he wasn't excited. Then again, perhaps not talking to her could give her that impression also. Gods, feelings were complicated!

Something warm rested on his upper thigh, and he looked down.

Ellie had sat up and put her head there, her amber eyes looked up at him with affection.

"I know, I will talk to her. I just need to get my thoughts straight before I do. I have a habit of rambling on or not getting my point across well."

"Well, don't wait too long," Blaise said gently and raised his glass to his lips. "Have you told Ron and Hermione yet?"

Harry flinched. He hadn't, how could he with what news Hermione had received after the incident not four months ago?

"Not yet, I'd feel horrid telling them after the news they got recently." He clenched his teeth, his anger spiked again at the memory, but he forced it down, he dared not going down that path today.

"Ah... Yes." Blaise lowered his head, as if in deep thought. He sighed and looked up at him again. "But they are your best friends, are they not? They would be over the moon for you, I imagine."

"You'd think so." Harry sighed. Yes, they were his best friends, they had stood with him during all the shit at school. Yet there were Ron's wobbles. As much as Ron had grown, deep down he feared that this news might tip his best friend over the edge as another thing Harry had that he didn't. This time he couldn't even blame him.

If Blaise was surprised about his response, he didn't show it.

"Friends often surprise us Harry, both good and bad. Sometimes you just have to take a chance."

"You my therapist now?" He shot back with a smirk.

Blaise mirrored his smirk. "Oh no, there aren't enough Galleons in the world to make me try and help your twisted mind."

"Yeah, love you, too."

They both snorted.

"Don't throw the L word at me, I wouldn't want Daphne to get jealous." Blaise's grin became even broader. "Funny, I never thought she'd be the jealous type."

"I have a jealous streak as well, I think we all do."

Blaise placed his hand on his chest and gasped. "You, the great Harry Potter, get jealous? Of who or what? Pray tell!"

"Prick! You know that Jerry bloke in Daphne's department?"

"Vaguely, I don't go down to the solicitors often."

"Well, he has a thing for Daphne, a big thing."

"So what? You've put a baby in her, if that doesn't scream she's taken, I don't know what will. You know Daphne, she wouldn't dream of cheating on anyone, let alone you."

"Just like I would never do that to her, but it doesn't stop you getting a little envious when someone thinks they can flirt with your partner."

"Fair point." The other man nodded. "I assume you did what Daphne does with you then?" His face was a blank mask, but his eyes laughed at him.

What did he mean by that?

Blaise glanced at him from the corner of his eye and smirked.

"Have you not noticed that after most ministry events Daphne drags you home and well..." He leaned over and lowered his voice. "Does all manner of unspeakable things to you?"

Harry's cheeks grew warm as he thought about this for a moment. He and Daphne were quite sexually active, but now he thought about it, she was particularly frisky after a social event. Not that he minded when she got like that.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"You're far too smart to act this thick, Harry! She is basically shagging out all that frustration whilst laying a claim on you. All those witches would love to get into your bed, so when you leave with your stunning wife-to-be, she gives them a smirk over your shoulder and whisks you away. Leaving a couple of furious witches behind."

"And you know this how?"

"Come on? How, do you think? Tracey, of course. Daphne vented her frustration with your female fan club to her, and she came up with that brilliant solution. Now be a brother and don't tell her I told you. I quite like my balls between my legs." Blaise laughed.

"So you're suggesting I whisked Daphne away and had my wicked way?" Harry came back to the original topic.

"You shagged her in your office, didn't you?"

Harry smirked. "An interesting question, one we will never know the answer to."

"Fair enough. Also, do me a favour and keep the details to yourself, will you? Daphne is like a sister to me, and I have no wish to have images of what you two get up to."

"I just did spare you." Harry smirked again.

"Did that to what we'll never know the answer help on the jealousy front?"

Their eyes met, and they burst into laughter.

"A little, and I still feel like I should be laying down on a sofa or something." Harry chuckled.

"I know, I feel this is quite a deep discussion, we are men, we don't do that, so let's get onto something else. What's this I hear about you introducing Daphne to that Hippogriff of yours? Buckbeak, wasn't it?"

Harry chuckled.

"What have you heard?"

"Only that the noble creature now has two Slytherins that aren't a fan." Blaise smirked. "Malfoy, for nearly having his arm torn off, and now Daphne. Apparently she did not appreciate the dive he pulled."

Harry laughed out loud at that, the fear about fatherhood not forgotten, but pushed into the background for the time being.

"The feeling is mutual, I'm afraid. He did not appreciate the shrieking, let me tell you, I've never seen him so miffed off, once we landed."

"I bet! I love to fly that much, you know, but I'm not getting on one of those creatures, thank you." Blaise chuckled, shaking his head, then took another sip of his whisky and looked out towards the ocean again. "For what it's worth, Harry, I think you'll be a wonderful father. Try not to let this trouble you too much, truth is no one knows what they are doing until they do."

"I guess so, I am likely overthinking it, work hasn't helped as it turns out seeing the worst in the wizarding world doesn't give you the best view of the world your child will grow into."

"I've told you, there is a place in my department for you, just say the word."

"Thanks Blaise but I-"

"Have a saving-people thing? Feel it's your duty to bring in the dark wizard's off our wonderful isles?"

"I was going to say, going into muggle relations sounds too much politics for my liking. Plus Hermione is doing great there, and me showing up would detract from that." He sighed, his right hand patted Ellie beside him.

"It's not like you have to work, Harry. You're wealthy enough and have investments, you could do anything. Why do you insist on staying on as an Auror?"

Harry had had this debate with Daphne all too often.

"You've been speaking to Daphne?" He raised an eyebrow at Blaise. "Whilst my job does show the poorer parts of our society, I do sleep better knowing what's going on."

That was only a half truth. After killing him he'd sworn to himself he would never let someone rise up like he did. Far too many lives had been lost because of one man. As long as he still lived, no dark lord would ever rise unopposed.

Ellie stood up and walked off towards the doors to the house. Next soft voices grew closer.

"Blaise, we are off!" Tracey called, bending over and ruffling Ellie's head as she stepped onto the decking, Daphne just behind her.

"Coming!" Her husband pulled himself from the chair with a grunt of effort. "These seats are too comfortable, Potter. Might have to fix that, otherwise people will never leave."

"Depending on the company, I don't mind." Harry followed Blaise's example and gave his friend a pat on the arm and Tracey a kiss on the cheek.

"See you, Harry! Congratulations again on putting a baby in Daphne." Tracey winked at him, went over to Blaise and linked her arm with his.

"I honestly don't know how you put up with her, Blaise," Daphne said.

Harry stepped over to her and put his arm around his wife-to-be. She pressed herself against him as he did so, and a wave of contentment rushed through him.

"I'm good in bed, Daphne dear. That, and I look great naked." Tracey grinned, and Daphne rolled her eyes with a groan.

Blaise chuckled."You asked for that, Daphne. Come on, Tracey, before you scar them both."

"I don't think so, I know what they get up t-"

CRACK

Harry and Daphne stood and stared at the spot the couple had just apprated from.

"She is vulgar at times." Daphne giggled and rested her head on his shoulder. She was glowing, her face hadn't stopped smiling since she had found out they were going to have a baby.

"That's rich, coming from you, love." He chuckled in her ear.

She giggled from his breath tickling her skin and shuddered against him.

Harry grinned, he just loved when she did that.

"Mr Potter, I am a pureblood lady, I would never be so vulgar." She looked up at him with a haughty expression.

His grin deepened. "Ah, yes. Then what was that last night? Or this morning?" He placed a soft kiss on her neck behind the ear, which made the woman in his arms moan softly. He nuzzled her neck, and her hands snaked over him.

She blushed. "Ok, maybe a little. Maybe it's you uncouth half-bloods that turn me on."

Harry pulled back, mock shock on his face.

"You mean, any old half-blood can turn you on? Should I be worried?" He raised an eyebrow. "If we are sharing, can I go for any old pureblood?"

She fixed him with a firm glare.

"You're all mine Mr Potter, just like I'm all yours." She gave him a chaste kiss and then leaned up to his ear and whispered, "You're the only wizard I want to look at and rile me up." She emphasised her statement with a gentle bite in his earlobe.

His lower region twitched at that. He'd meant to discuss his apprehension of becoming a father with her, but since Daphne seemed to be in a mood to play, maybe that could wait until after?

"Should we go and have another celebration then?" He kissed her jaw and down her neck.

"Again?" She let out a wavered breath.

Harry grinned to himself, that was always a good sign.

"You can never celebrate too much, and you are currently irresistible, love," he said between kisses at her neck, while his hands trailed down her back with tantalizing slowness.

She arched her head upwards, submitting to his attentions. "Perhaps another celebration won't hurt," she muttered.

He didn't need another prompt, he took her by the hand and hurried her to the bedroom.

Thirty minutes later she collapsed on top of him. Their breath was heavy and their bodies slick with sweat.

Harry relished in Daphne's warm breath against his neck and her soft body resting against his own. He gave a quick kiss to her head, then let his head hit the pillow. The white mesh curtains gently blew in the slight breeze coming from the open windows, the ocean bathed in an amber glow as the sun nearly faded.

It was perfect.

"You know, I sometimes think the view out there is beautiful beyond compare," he said softly.

Her head shifted to the left, so she too could observe the vista outside their home.

"Then I just look back at you." He threaded his fingers through her golden hair, still marvelling at why a woman such as her even picked him, she could have anyone.

She looked up at him, those eyes that he could deny nothing shone with affection, the faint blush from their love making still lay in her cheeks and neck.

"You compliment me too much," she whispered, pulled herself up and kissed him softly. She hummed when he returned her affections. His hands still roamed her back, and she made cute little noises of contentment.

"I can't compliment you enough, you might finally see you are much too good for me and leave." He chuckled. There was more truth in his small joke than he cared to admit. A small part of him feared that one day that could come to pass.

Her hand grazed his jaw, and her eyes became soft.

"I'm never leaving you Harry, you've given me everything I have wanted, and more." Her eyes were glassy now, showing him everything that lay behind them. "You saved me from a miserable future, you have shown me a love I thought I'd never experience." She took his hand and placed it at her stomach, still soft and flat. "And now you've given me the greatest gift of them all," she whispered.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He still had a lot to learn in allowing his emotions to surface. What if he was not good enough for this gift he had given her, if he failed to do a good job?

"I- I don't -"

She hushed him with a finger.

"I know what scares you, or do you forget I was there at the Dursleys? I know you, Harry Potter."

How could he forget that encounter? That day had been emotionally draining for him, it had been good for him to have confronted them, he had closed that chapter of his life. He shook himself, it was best he did not dwell on those thoughts.

"You will be a wonderful father, your upbringing will not impact that."

"How do you know that?"

"I have seen you grow through school, when everyone was against you, and yet you still showed kindness wherever you could… Excluding us snakes, perhaps." She giggled along with him at that. "You put your life on the line for us all, and you comforted me without even knowing me. Even that night you showed your true colours, you didn't use me for your own gain, you made sure it was special. How could someone with so much love in them as you have be a bad father?"

Her words helped chase away the darkness in his mind. She held such faith in him that he couldn't resign himself to be a failure before he at least tried.

"I love you, you know that?" The words came from the bottom of his heart.

Her smile was as radiant as ever.

"I love you, too, so much more than you'll ever know, Harry." She snuggled up to him, and they watched the sun finally slip behind the horizon.

They lay in the darkness, feeling closer than they had ever felt before, when suddenly Daphne stirred.

"Did you feed Ellie?"

His eyes widened. "Shit!" he mumbled.

Daphne's laughter followed him as he jumped out of the bed and jogged to the kitchen in his birthday suit.

Like clockwork their shaggy border collie sat in front of her food bowl. The look Ellie gave him could only be described as accusatory.

Harry huffed as he reached for the dog food. For once he was glad Ellie couldn't talk, he bet he wouldn't like what she had to say to him right now.