. . .

The night was still and quiet, quiet compared to where you had come from. There were no sounds of cars or busy people during the late nights. No glare of lights from the houses or the distant halo of towns and cities in the distance. Instead, there was a peaceful calm, a silence that mixed with the gentle sound of the wind and soft chirps of the wildlife. There were no sounds of people, just the night in all its life as the stars shined brightly down at you.

By now you had gotten accustomed to sleeping and rising with the sun without an alarm. Your schedule had adjusted for the time period after being here for so long. Though there were some nights where you could not sleep. Or, to put it more accurately, where you tried to sleep and found yourself waking up in tears.

Bittersweet dreams had woken you up again.

You had dreamt of your family again. It was almost a memory, of spending time together, enjoying each other's company and laughing.

It happened off and on. The nights that you did feel the pang of sorrow and woke up in silent tears, you did your best to try and quiet yourself and prayed to be taken back into a dreamless sleep. All so you did not disturb the peacefully sleeping kitsune beside you.

This night, though, was not one that would allow you to go back to sleep again. You were restless and the sharp stab to your heart seemed to dig too deep to let you lie quietly. The faces of your father, mother, and brothers were fresh in your mind.

That was why you found yourself sitting outside the room on the small balcony, staring out at the garden illuminated by moonlight.

To the best of your abilities, you had tried to remain quiet with your crying. By now it had all subsided to a silent sniffle or two. Tears stained your cheeks, evidence of your silent suffering, and your eyes had long since become puffy and red as they fixed blankly to the scenery before you.

In a short while, you could tell, that the sun would be up, by the telltale signs of the brightening horizon. By then, you assured yourself quietly, you would be put together again and ready for the day. This was something you believed you had to deal with on your own. Call it stubbornness, but you did not want to burden anyone with this problem when some much had been going on already.

Besides, as much as you denied it, your heart was in a fragile state. Why? Because you had made a decision that tore it apart. You were not regretful for what you did but that did not make the pain dull.

You missed your family, who all, no doubt, at this very moment mourned for you. Mourned the loss of you, in a foreign land, not knowing whether you were well or alive. Never to hear from you again, for you to be able to reassure them, you were safe and happy but missed them more than the sky would miss the stars.

That thought caused the pain to well up in a newfound freshness. Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes and the speckles stars began to blur again. You bit your bottom lip in attempts to keep any sound from escaping as you tried to choke down a broken breath to calm yourself.

It did not help. You only found yourself curling into your body as you tried to hide your soft weeping and sniffling.

There was a gentle touch against your back. If your breath had not been stolen from you already you might have let out a gasp of surprise as you jumped, your body trying to escape the intrusive touch.

You looked up to find a familiar face, one that only showed such softness for you.

Mitsuhide was awake.

A pang of sudden guilt mingled and swirled in with your heartache. He had been up late working again and you had just woken him up no doubt.

"Why the tears, little mouse?" There was that familiar nickname again spoken with such a soft tone.

Mitsuhide had not overlooked the way you had been acting recently, the nights you seemed to become restless, or even the soft cries you let out in your sleep. He had noticed how in a manner of days things seemed to get worse with your mood. How you seemed to smile less as if you were unhappy. It frightened him now, especially after all that you both had been through.

Were you doubting your decision to stay with him? Were you afraid to tell him you no longer loved him?

He was not one to worry about such trivial things, not unless they involved you. A fiery, powerful young woman from 500 years in the future. Someone who had challenged and supported him for these past few months. Someone who he had fallen too deeply in love with to live without.

So the very sight of your tears, the way they stained your cheeks and reflected the soft moonlight; the redness in your eyes and how the warmth had departed from them, taking their light; and how you tried to hide the pain and suffering you were feeling tore him apart inside. Your suffering was his too and he would not allow it to remain, so long as he could do something to bring back the sassy and lively woman he knew.

Mitsuhide crouched down beside you and gathered you into his arms. You put up no resistance to the embrace and instead fell against him. His arms wrapped around you, one across your back and the other in your hair.

Your hands found their way to clench in his sleeping kimono as the rush of emotions hit you again. His hands caressed you softly, soothingly, as you cried against his chest.

"What has made the kitsune's wife cry?" His voice was as soft as the way he cradled you to his chest.

He sat there, waiting patiently for you to catch your breath and respond.

It was not long until you had managed to get control over yourself again. You took in gulps of air to steady your breathing and to help calm your nerves. You sat up, not quite pushing from Mistuhide's grasp, as you lifted the sleeve of your own kimono to rub at your face, to wipe the tears in your eyes and stains from your cheeks.

You found your wrist caught in slender fingers though. Golden eyes met your own with a softness you could only ever see. Mitsuhide gently brushed over your eyes and cheeks with his thumb, rubbing the tears again. You found comfort in the gesture and the coolness of his hands against your hot face.

"What's wrong?" He asked again, bright eyes scanning your face to allow him to read what troubled your mind and heart. Though, this was one thing you did not believe he would guess at, as you had not mentioned it often enough as you should.

"I…" Your voice was hoarse from crying, the attempt to speak almost felt foreign to you, "...My family." You managed to croak out, a fresh wave of tears filling your eyes.

Mitsuhide was quick to brush each tear as they fell from your beautiful eyes.

"I miss my family, so much," Your voice flooded with emotions now as your face twisted with pain.

He had seen you angry before, in pain, sad, terrified even but he had never seen such emotions reflect in your eyes or so raw on your face. This was a pain that he had not seen in you before. He wanted to help you, to ease it in any way he could. There was nothing that he could do to change this suffering, though, to make up for it. The more he frantically searched his mind on how to solve this matter, the more he found he was powerless to fix it. He had to do something though, anything, if to just try and soothe your pain for a short while.

"You have been dreaming about them." It was the best he could do, assess the situation, and make the observation to get you to talk on your own.

Some time ago you used to mistake his ability to read your expression as a way of reading your very mind.

You nodded slowly. "I do," You looked down at your hands, "And then I started to wonder about them. How they are, where they are, what they are doing…" There was that quivering emotion in your voice again, "If they miss me or if they are still searching…"

The waterworks started again and before Mitsuhide could grab your face, you pressed your hands to your eyes to hold yourself together.

It did not help.

"Am I missing to them? Do they think I have died? Will they pray for me? Will they mourn me? Can they forgive me for not coming back to them?" The questions started falling from your lips one after the other rapidly, only to be broken by another pitiful sob.

Could they forgive you? Your family had no idea where you were. The last thing that they would know of where you were was that you were in a foreign country far away. One day you were there, in their lives, and the next day you were gone. They did not know if you had been kidnapped, killed, tortured, or even what you were doing now. All they knew is one day, you were there, and the next you were gone.

You would never be able to tell them that a wormhole had opened up at Honno-Ji in Kyoto and snatched you away. That you had been taken to a time so unlike the one you knew, where war and danger was the lifestyle, that life here was so fragile. That you had fallen in love with a man they would never have the pleasure of meeting….

You gasped for breath between the sobs you tried to choke them back. While the sight of you like this only caused Mitsuhide's heart to ache.

Guilt weighed on him. He had never considered all that you had left behind, that you had forsaken your own life, a life of safety and prosperity, for him. He had given you a chance to leave, begged you once when he had risked losing you, and yet you had chosen him. You had chosen to stay with him.

"I should have never made you choose," His fingers caressed your warm cheek, careful and delicate as if he was afraid he would break you with a simple touch. "I never considered what you would give up, the things you would leave behind."

It had been cruel of him to demand of you such things. He loved you, oh so dearly, too much in fact. Yet he had not considered everything about you, the family and friends, and life you had to leave and forget to stay with him. You had been so adamant, fought him to be beside him, all because you said you loved him. He only wished he had not let himself so close, then you would not be in such pain now. He had been so blind, that he had not considered you had so much to lose.

"I chose," You reminded him, your tone as sharp as it could be with the emotions inside of you, "I love you and I love them." Your hands shook as you grabbed his own, "They are my family, I will always love them. But I never got to say goodbye," You bit your lip to try and hold back along sob.

Even if you had the chance to say goodbye, you did not know if you would be able to or even how. How could you tell your family you were going away, never to be seen again? How could you tell them that no matter how much they look, they would never find you? That this was goodbye, for the last time?

"It is selfish of me, but I cannot help but think what it would be like to have everything, to be able to love you, and for my family to have the chance to do the same."

By now you had given up on trying to stop the flow of tears and the quivering of your voice as you spoke. Mitsuhide, all the while, remained silent but there was a pain in his eyes and in his chest as he watched you.

"They will never get to meet you, to know you like I have. I will never get to see my brothers married. Or to see their children and be called their aunt. I will never hear my mother scolding me again for the silliest of things. Or feel my father pat me on the back."

Mitsuhide could do nothing except hold your hand in his, watch you as you cried with your head hung low.

"I will never be able to spend time with my older brothers again, to mess with and wrestle or tease them. We won't be able to fluster our mother with compliments to make her smile while my father laughs as he watches… I will never get to hug them again or to be able to tell them I loved them so much," You pulled your hands away to cradle your face as a sob shook through your body.

Mitsuhide was stunned by the sight and sounds of you, that sorrow and pain long since nestled into his chest as seeing you so hurt. Once more he wrapped his arms around you, drawing you against him as he hushed slowly.

"And what am I to do when we have our own children? I will never be able to ask my mother how she survived it or how she learned from it. What will I tell our child? I want them to know their family, but they never will. How will I be able to look at them without crying because they will be without all of their family? To hold them in my arms and tell them their grandfather would have been so proud? That I said the same things to my own mother when I was young? That they might come to look like their uncles? To talk of them as if my family is dead and gone? All I have to offer will be stories of my family who could love you all..."

Mitsuhide's arm around you tightened, drawing you in protectively as a knife struck his heart at your words.

"What if they are still looking for me?" You continued with a wail, "I do not want them to keep searching but I do not want them to forget me. Will they pray to God to find me? And then be heartbroken when those prayers are never answered?"

Mitsuhide was never one quite religious, in fact, he was not one to really believe in any gods if he was asked. Yet he knew that you, his dearest one, his bride to be, had faith. Something he knew early on when you tried to show him that led to him seeing how much it strengthened you.

"They will believe you are in a better place, even without them now, and one day with you again," It was the smallest thing he could do, to try and reassure you. "You will cherish your memories of your family and hold them dear. You will love our children with as much or more love than they will ever be able to understand, loving them for your family through you."

He could not send you back, not now. He had tried already, to send you back to your own time, you refused, and now you suffered for it. Though parts of him wished he could send you to your home and family, so as not to see you fall apart. He loved you with all that he was, he would give you everything within his power, and yet the one thing he believed you needed most was something he could not give you, despite how it tore apart your heart.

Silence settled in between you both and the only thing that disturbed it was your silent cries. Mitsuhide would only cradle you closer if he could as he held you in his lap, arms wrapped around you as the only way he knew would give you any comfort.

Neither of you counted the moments as time went by. The only signal as time passed was the brightening sky, the dark blue fading to a light color and tints of purple.

By now you had cried yourself to near exhaustion. There were few sounds from you, sort of a sniffle or two, as you curled against Mitsuhide's warm body.

"...I miss them," You spoke quietly, throat dry, "but I do not want you angry with yourself." You lifted your head to look up at Mitsuhide, who had been watching you this whole time.

You knew he would feel guilty as if the blame of your sorrow was his own but you did not want him to do that. He had given you a choice many times, you knew that, and still, you made your decision. The decision was hard to make and to say you had not considered leaving would have been a lie. It was a cruel twist of fate to force you to choose between your family or him, both of which you loved with all your heart. You would not have been cruel enough to even ask him to come back with you either. He had work here to do still, people who loved him, and you, here too.

You had a family in both times, you realized, and the thought of never seeing either tore your heart in two. You could only have one and you prayed your parents and brother would find the kindness in their hearts to forgive you for all the pain your disappearance had brought them and would continue to bring them.

"Mitsuhide," The call of his name was barely a whisper that could have been carried away by the breeze, "I love you and I do not regret my choice," You wanted to let him know that much at least, "I love you so much I could not bear the idea to leave you. I would fall apart if I ever left you…"

He could tell what you were doing immediately. Just as how you had grown accustomed to reading him, he had always been able to see your thoughts and intentions in your loving eyes. That he could see, the love and honesty, but they were mixed with heartache and sorrow.

He embraced you tighter, pulling you against his chest as close as he could, as if he was afraid you would turn to smoke in his hands.

"Mitsu..hide?" Your voice came broken and silent as you wrapped your arms around him. Worried now that your words had hurt him.

"I never knew all that you had given up for me, to let me selfishly hold onto you and keep you as mine," Mitsuhide spoke into your shoulder, "I can only offer you everything I am, all of my love, as much and more than I can ever give. If I could, I would mend your broken heart, but I cannot. And I fear if I let you go now, I might fall apart without you being near…"

Your heart squeezed in your chest at his words. "It is not your fault," You held him close, "I do not want to live without you either…" You had risked life and death with him, you loved him with all your heart and soul.

"I dream…" You whispered quietly, "I dream of us, you and me, together with my family at times... In a place where we are all together, a place where they knew you and can share the love they gave me with you too…" You clenched your eyes shut, threading a hand through his snowy hair while the other clenched the fabric of his kimono tightly.

"It hurts, so much, to be without them but I would hurt the same without you. It is not your fault that I love you or want to stay with you… but I cannot just forget where I came from and who I left behind…"

"Then come to me when you miss them," Mitsuhide whispered against your shoulder, "Let me hold you as you cry so you do not cry alone. I cannot bring them to you but I can be there when you miss them, to remind you I will love you as much as you demand of me."

Your heart responded to his words and swelled. You still hurt, you still missed your family and you would never be truly okay with never seeing them, but you still had someone who loved you here. Mitsuhide loved you dearly, he had loved you for so long, protected you, and did all he could for you. With Mitsuhide, you had love, a new love. All you could do now was pray your family was safe, to wish them well, and remember the love they had given you and would continue even now that you were gone.

There were many what-ifs that still lingered in your head. The uncertainty of a future you would never get to behold with or from your family. It made your heart ache, knowing there was so much in the lives of your mother, father, brothers even, you would miss out on and how much they would miss of yours.

You did not know how you would be able to move on from this, you did not think you ever could, but you would try to remember all the happiness that came from your family. You would try to share that love and happiness with Mitsuhide and even your own family someday.

It hurt, it hurt so much at times you found yourself so sad that you could not cry, you could not breathe. No sound or expression would be able to display the anguish in your soul, the longing in your heart, to be hugged by your mother, to hear your father's voice, to see your brothers' smiles. It was, however, that you knew you loved them so much that it would be apart of you. Memories would be bittersweet but you would cherish them. You had to because nothing else could keep you together, keep you who you were.

You would make new memories too, in a time and place where life was wild and dangerous and exciting. With the kitsune captured in your arms, the man who so tightly held you as if you were a spirit ready to depart from him at any moment.

There was no promise you could make that you would not feel sad, that you could stop the hurt from the memories or the dreams of your family, but you knew you would not be alone. Mitsuhide said it, he would not let you mourn alone, even if he could do no more than hold you as you cried, as he did this night, he would not let you suffer by yourself.

You lifted your head from Mitsuhide's shoulder. Your eyes lifted to the garden, brighter and glowing in the earliest rays of sunlight in the brightest colors of spring.

"She would have loved to see this sunrise," You said softly as you watched the horizon. A sky painted in dark shades of blues, bright yellows and oranges, crossed with pinks and soft purples to call the sun from its sleep.

"There is still time for daylight to come," Mitsuhide's voice reached your ears. His eyes were set on you and how the rising sun lit up your face. Every mark he so cherished and the remnants of your tears that glistened like the fading starlight.

"Come and rest a little while longer with me, little mouse," His words finally drew your eyes to him, where you met a loving golden gaze. "It has been a long night and you need to rest."

You offered him a small smile, broken and bittersweet, but your eyes were softer now, there was that warmth they had been missing. "I love you, Mitsuhide," You placed a delicate kiss against his forehead.

Your name left his lips in a whisper. He smiled at you, offering you a quick peck on the lips in return. "And I love you, little mouse."