A/N: While I was packing, I found a little fanfic I wrote down years ago, before I had an account on here. It's silly, but I think it's kind of cute, so I'm sharing it.

"Don't look at me like that with those pudgy, low-resolution balls you call eyes, [Enter Test Subject Name Here]. I am, in fact, incredibly forgiving."

Chell's only response was a raised eyebrow.

"I forgave the bird. ...Post mortem."

The former test subject grimaced as she recalled that fateful event. One of the many traps around Old Aperture had finally captured the winged menace. It was thrown into a glass container, and GLaDOS introduced it to her best friend: deadly neurotoxin. But first, Chell was sent up to the surface to look for a bag of confetti. GLaDOS had insisted (with death threats) that she needed confetti to celebrate the bird's death. Chell had spent hours searching, finally finding some of the colorful stuff in an old party store. She trudged back to Aperture, wondering the entire time how she'd ended up running errands for a maniacal AI.

When she descended into GLaDOS's chamber, she saw banners cheerily shouting "Happy Death-day!", Atlas and P-body wearing pointy party hats, and a band of turrets finishing up a song. At the same time, she took in the now-dead bird and the little strips of printer paper littering the floor. (Makeshift confetti.) When Chell scraped the strut of one of her boots against the floor - her equivalent of clearing her throat - the turrets cut off their music abruptly and the testing bots ran for the exit. GLaDOS dropped the floor out from under the turrets and launched into an explanation.

Apparently, GLaDOS was only acting in the best interests of all Aperture Science property and employees. Chell's antisocial behavior and large size would frighten the other guests and thus ruin the mood. As the host, GLaDOS had a duty to make sure the party conveyed the appropriate mood, as stated in the digital copy of the "Aperture Science Guidelines for Celebrations, Parties, and Other Non-Lethal Social Gatherings". If she let Chell join the event, she would be neglecting her duty. And if she did that, what was stopping her from ignoring other duties - like recycling the air supply? Besides, Chell had never said she liked parties. What if she hated them? She'd be upset, right? And there was that human saying "Better safe than sorry". GLaDOS had acted in the best interests of all. In fact, she should be thanked - it's not like she was required to consider Chell's feelings. That is not even suggested in the protocols on how to treat brain-damaged escapee test subjects. Yes, GLaDOS should be thanked.

"Sooooo, do you have anything you want to say to me? Anything?"

The human briefly considered breaking her silence to tell the AI off, but discarded the idea almost as soon as it came. Truth be told, she should have expected something like this from GLaDOS. And yet... something was off. Usually, GLaDOS was very animated when she spoke: She often nodded to herself, looked to the side, got in Chell's face, or simply swayed left and right. During this rant, she had barely moved. She was hiding something.

Chell quickly dashed forward, hoping to scare the AI. GLaDOS panicked and pulled her chassis out of reach. On a pedestal that had been behind her, there was a large platter. On the platter, there lay three sleepy baby birds with their bellies bulging out and... a bunch of crumbs. Cake crumbs.

By the end of the day, Chell had raised her grand total to three murder attempts and GLaDOS had baked another celebration cake, this one to celebrate Chell's new position as head partymaster and lord of Old Aperture.

A/N: GLaDOS adopts three baby birds in the ending of the Cooperative Testing Initiative DLC. (I forgot what it was called.) If you haven't seen it, look it up on YouTube. It's adorable.