It It was all Raven's fault. It was her doing and there was no denying it. She had created a monster. Starfire, while actually being the Maid Of Honor, was a bridezilla. "Friend Raven," the monster cried, knocking furiously on Gar and Raven's suite door, carrying her copy of Miss Manners Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. "There is a crisis!"

Raven opened the door and calmly said, "A wedding crisis or a real crisis?"

"A real wedding crisis!" Star said. "I have just finished reading further of Earth wedding rituals and the bride must have more then just the honored maiden."

Raven squeezed the bridge of her nose. "What?" she asked, exasperated. She had no interest in wedding rituals, had never been to one, and knew less about them then Star did.

"Garfield has Cyborg as his best man and Robin as the groom's man. You have no maid of the bride. Miss Manners says that there must be the same numbers of attendants!"

"Whatever," Raven said absently. "Pick anyone..." Her cellphone rang and she forestalled Star with an upraised hand and checked caller ID. "Hello Rita"

"Take cover," the older woman said quickly. "Star just called me and..."

"Yes, she's right here," Raven said.

"That is Rita?" Star asked. "Put her on speaker."

"I'm putting you on speaker," Raven said in a honey sweet tone.

"No!" Rita cried but realized it was too late, so she went on, "... idea what we can do about this."

"Raven," Star said "You must choose soon! Today! This very minute! We must ensure that she will agree to serve and get fitted for the dress and..."

"I'm thinking," Raven said abruptly, "give me a second." She was almost sure she heard a muffled giggle from the phone. "Can Rita do it?"

"I'm sorry, but no. I'm mother of the groom. How about we give Robin another job?" Rita asked. "He could give you away maybe?"

"Give me away?" Raven asked, confused.

"According to Miss Manners, the father of the bride ceremonially hands her to the groom." Star recited quickly.

"Sort of an exchange of ownership," Rita added, anticipating the reaction.

"Not just no but hell no," Raven said very firmly. "That's not happening."

"Could he be," Star paused and paged through her book, "the usher?"

"Um..." Rita said, "Maybe but it's a role of less importance and being demoted after being asked to be a groomsman would kind of be an insult."

"OK," Raven said, "Let's do this. Star, go down the guest list and get some candidates for bridesmaid. I'll pick from who you come up with." Star nodded happily and darted from the room. She took the phone off speaker and said, "I wanted to just go to the court house," she said archly. "We could have had this done and over with."

"I know it's stressful," Rita said, "but you'll be glad you did it. Oh, you better rest up. Tomorrow is catering and cakes."

"Whatever," Raven grumbled.

"Have a nice day, dear," Rita said with a laugh, cutting the connection.

Raven sat and drank her tea and brooded. After a while, the door opened and Gar came in, wearing workout clothes with a towel over his shoulder. "This is all your fault," she snapped at him.

"You're going to be a real joy if you ever do get pregnant," he replied, not breaking stride as he walked into the bathroom. She glared daggers at his back.

Cyborg and Robin were sitting together in the operations room carefully considering their options. "The Titans East guys for sure," Rob said.

"Cliff and Larry from the Doom Patrol," Cy replied.

"However many of the reserve Titan guys that can make it. Anyone else?"

Cy thought carefully. "That's about it. What are we going to do? Strippers and booze?" Robin gave him a look. "What? We're legal."

"Gar isn't," Robin said.

"Ice cream social and board games?" Cy replied, earned him another withering glance. "OK, dinner somewhere with good veggie options. Maybe Greek. What then? Laser tag or something?"

Robin considered it. "Not Laser tag. Speedy will be there," he said, "We don't need to deal with that combination of certain defeat and egotism." Cy nodded agreement.

"We could just run Raven and Star out of the tower and come back here." Cy said. "More food, video games, hanging out, adult beverages for those of us of age."

"OK, you can buy some beer," Robin agreed, exasperated. "That sounds like our best bet."

"Bachelor party planned," Cy said. "I'll pick a place and get us a table." He counted to himself for a moment. "Reservations for twenty."

"Damn," Robin muttered. "That many?"

Cy nodded, "If everyone shows up."

"Wait," Robin said, "are you counting Gnarrk?" Cy nodded. "Might not be a good idea."

"I'm counting on he and Wildebeest providing some of the entertainment. I'm opening the book at 5 to 2 for Wildebeest with a five minute over/under on the side."

Robin just stared at Cy. "You better not be serious."

Gar had finished cleaning up and emerged to find a very sulky and annoyed Raven fuming in her chair. He gave her a quick smile and took his seat across from her. He didn't say a word, picked up the remote and started flipping channels. "I'm going to be a real joy?" She asked in an icy tone.

"Yes, you are," he replied quickly, not looking at her. "That's what I said, didn't I?"

"I hope you don't think you're getting out of it that easily."

"I didn't know there was something that I had to get out of," he said. "But if it's that little joke that I obviously didn't mean, I apologize."

Raven really wanted to pick a fight with him, just to release some of her own stress but she relented. "I know. It's just..."

"Star and Rita are getting on your last nerve?" he asked.

"We could have just gone to the court house," she said sullenly.

Gar smiled. "You got mothered." She gave him a curious look. "Rita got us together and in person and offered to throw us a wedding in such a way that we couldn't say 'no' without us being the jerks. Really I think she just wanted a wedding to lord over as the mother of the groom. The courthouse was never an option."

"We didn't have a chance?" she asked ruefully. He shook his head. "Rita said tomorrow was caterer and cakes. I'm portaling out to East Hampton at 9:00 in the morning to get her."

"What time do I need to be ready?" he asked.

Raven scowled at him. "WE are portaling to East Hampton at 9:00 to get her."

"Now you're just being mean," he said. "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

His ears suddenly twitched and his eyes flicked towards the door. She had learned to read his tells well enough that she probed with her empathy. Star was coming down the hall. Gar was already at the window opening it to make a mad leap for freedom. "No, no, no," Raven snapped, "You're not leaving me alone." He pouted and sat back down.

It was too late in any case. Star was knocking furiously on the door and called, "Garfield! Raven! I know you are both in there. I have the list."

"Come in, Star," Raven said wearily.

Star came bustling in. "I have the list of the possible maids of the bride," she said. "Argent, Bumblebee, Jinx, Kole, Pantha. Who would you like?"

Raven was rational and decisive by nature, qualities that made wedding planning a bit easier, so she instantly replied, "Bumblebee. I've known her the longest." Star nodded and turned to leave.

"That would be the list for the bachelorettee party, too, I guess," Gar said.

"What sort of party is that?" Star asked.

"A celebration by the bride and her female friends arranged by the Maid of Honor. Us guys will have a party of our own."

"Miss Manners does not mention it. I will use the Google!" Star said happily and bolted from the room.

Gar looked thoughtful and a little concerned. "I wonder what searching for that will bring up?"

Raven grabbed her tablet and quickly typed. "Oh my!" She cleared her throat. "Among other things, it brings up pictures of drunk women ogling nude men with shockingly large penises." She turned the screen so he could see it. He made a surprised sound. "If yours was like that, I would never have let you near me."

The next morning, Rae and Gar had dressed up just a little to meet Rita. Not a lot, but Gar had on his best jeans and he wore a button down that was actually tucked in. Rae wore black slacks with a blue top and had actually put on some minimal makeup. He was drinking a cup of coffee and she her tea as they waited the few last minutes before their appointment. They didn't want to be late but had no intentions of being early. "This is going to be excruciating,' Raven sighed. Gar nodded agreement. "I mean it's food. Get a veggie option for you, prime rib for everyone else, a white cake with some little people on top and call it a day." Gar again nodded agreement. "Seriously, we could have just..."

"Gone to the court house," he interrupted without looking at her. "I know, but we agreed to do this instead."

"Something to say?" she asked, her eyebrows rising toward her hairline.

He took a deep breath and looked at her. "Yeah. Do you not want to go through with the wedding?' Her mouth fell open and her eyes got big. "Not the marriage," he corrected himself quickly, "the wedding. If you seriously want to go to the courthouse, we'll grab the guys as witnesses and go right now."

"Rita would be furious and Star would be so hurt," she said sullenly. "You know, it's kind of not fair for you to pick at me. This whole thing is way more on me then on you."

"True," he said. "That's why I'm asking. Say the word and we're off to see the judge."

She crossed her arms. "No. We can't. We're committed."

"Then can you do me a favor and unload all the snark on me?" he asked calmly. "I think it's starting to bother Star and Rita."

Raven sat perfectly still for a long moment. "OK. That's fair. I'll ease up."

"I do get that it's all easier for me," he said with a grin. "I just have to rent a tux, show up and go where I'm told."

"At least you get to have a party you'll enjoy," she said. "I have nightmares about sitting around with women I 'm mostly only acquaintances with eating pastries shaped like genitalia and unwrapping gifts of lingerie and sex toys."

"Does that really happen at bachelorette parties?' he asked with a chuckle.

"How should I know?" she asked, her voice going up an octave. "I've never been to one!"

They were interrupted by Star vigorously knocking at the door. Gar opened and and she bounced happily into the room. She clapped her hands and all but chirped "Catering and cakes," she said happily. "I am so excited to help select the foods!"

"OK..." Raven dourly. Gar cleared his throat and she smiled broadly and spoke in bright, enthusiastic tone, "Yes, so fun!" Star looked askance and Gar had to stifle a laugh.

That evening, they sat at a restaurant while Rita and Star excused themselves to the restroom. As soon as they were gone, Raven said, "I just want to point out that we spent an entire day doing this and what did we end up with?"

"A veggie option for me, prime rib for everyone else, and a white cake," Gar replied.

"I'm putting two little people on top of it," she said, "I don't care what anyone says."

Star and Rita returned from the ladies room. Star was looking a little confused while Rita was nearly convulsed with restrained laughter. Gar and Rae shared a glance. The other two women took their seats. Gar glanced at Rita and asked, "What's so funny?"

"Tell them what you told me," the older woman said, covering her mouth.

Star looked at Raven and said, "I was doing the planning for our celebration and I have encountered difficulties."

No one said anything for a long moment. Finally Gar looked at Raven and muttered, "I'm going in..." Then he smiled at Star and said, "What kind of difficulties? Maybe we can help."

"I have made arrangements with friend Cyborg. Your party will be at the tower, Garfield, and we will be going out. We will have dinner and then go to the club of stripping, as the Google instructed. I am just unsure that the dancer's penises will be of the size my search indicated were needed." Rita lost her fight for control and giggled. Star looked sidelong at the older woman. "I asked Rita if she wanted to join me in touring some of the places so we could ensure that the penises were acceptable and she has been laughing at me ever since!"