title from the song pigeon by cavetown, that is barely relevant to this fic, but i cannot stop associating with joseph

from the prompts "Do Not Disturb", "Muse", and "Clutter"

It's been two days since Bi'an has seen Joseph's face.

If he were his counterpart, he would give an annoyed 'Who cares?' and pretend to leave it be before barging into his studio and dragging him out of hyperfocus himself. (it would also probably take longer before he sucked it up and let his concern show.)

However, Bi'an preferred a gentler approach to most problems. This takes the form of a gentle rapping upon the door and a soft "Joseph?," as opposed to a sudden opening.

There's no answer, of course.

So Bi'an takes it upon himself to give only "I'm coming in," as a warning before opening the door and doing just that. It's unlocked, expectedly, though he still closes it softly behind him once inside out of courtesy.

What immediately greets him is a bit of a mess. The room itself wasn't especially big, and could get cluttered easily when Joseph forgot himself… It just so happened that now was one of those times. He steps around a stack of canvases against the wall, and acquires a better look at his friend.

…Who appears to be out cold, likely from exhaustion. His hair is down, out of its usual neat bow, falling loosely over his shoulders and onto the table where his head lay nestled into his arms. At least it was good that he was getting some sleep… Bi'an looks around the room for a moment, trying to take in what would need tidying up (and… what had captured Joseph's attention so acutely for the time being.)

There's an alarming amount of abandoned canvases propped around him, one of which appears to have been slashed down the middle with a palette knife. Ah… Bi'an was unfamiliar with many corners of the photographer's mind, but this was one he knew well enough to pick up on the fact that he was likely… not doing too well, in that respect. (if the clutter wasn't already enough of an indication. of a blaring neon sign, rather.)

He notices one thing in common throughout all of the 'failed' attempts he's surrounded by. A man, face thin and almost ghostly, but possessing elegant beauty in a way, framed by soft-looking dark hair, a smile and a gaze as if waking up next to you in the morning. The way the lighting highlights his face and his hair falls over his cheeks, Bi'an wouldn't be surprised if this was the intent.

He thinks they're all beautiful. He knows Joseph won't agree, though. (again, the bright neon signs. but he also knew him well, and knew that he never seemed happy with anything he made. he was more lenient with himself when it came to his photos, but… in bi'an's eyes, his opinions of his own work were always needlessly cruel.)

Still treating Joseph with gentleness as if the man were fragile, he brushes his hair away from his face to tuck it behind his ear. "Joseph, you've got to wake up, now. It's no good to sleep here."

Bi'an waits. No response.

Alright, fine. "You'll get a terrible crick in your neck, dear." All embarrassment at the mother hen-esque way he slips into speaking when he's worried is pushed aside for whacking the side of his hand into his neck. That one works, albeit earning him a discontented grumble and Joseph burying his face further into his arms.

It's a bit cute, seeing him sleepy and disheveled like this, if he's being honest. Or, it almost is, if not for the fact that he's passed out on his work table instead of comfortably in bed.

"Good morning."

"What do you want?" Joseph is barely coherent through the muffling of his sleeves, but Bi'an can understand his disgruntled tone just fine. He smiles warmly.

"I'm glad to see you too. It's been ages since I saw you last, and when I did, you were headed in here without a word. And then you never came out. I got a bit worried, you see." He maintains his smile, getting a bit of a kick out of how Joseph peeks out at him before just hiding back again as soon as Bi'an's done speaking.

"Why worry about me. I'm fine. I haven't gotten anything done, anyway. I don't need to rest."

"Because if nothing else, I doubt you've eaten much, if anything, since you've been here, have you?"

He doesn't get a response, which is just the same as confirmation.

"Come on, now. Get some proper rest. I'll make dinner tonight, and I'd like you to join us."

Joseph lifts his head up, trying to fix his hair to something not such a mess of bedhead. "I told you I don't need it. Leave me be, and let me get my work done."

A soft sigh. "You'll make him worry, you know."

That one snags on him, he sees, from how Joseph's hands slow, how his head lowers, just slightly. He was remarkably easy to read, for Bi'an. (maybe because he was used to his kind of stubbornness.)

"You're not going to leave until I'm coming with you, are you." It's not a question.

Bi'an smiles. "That would be right."

Joseph drags his hands over his face, through his hair, groans. "…Alright, fine. You win. Just leave me be after… whatever you want with me."

"I said I wanted to have dinner with you. He does too. That's all I'll ask."

Joseph pauses once more, sighs. At last he rises from his chair, standing to follow Bi'an out of his studio. Another polite click of the door behind him.

"He'll obviously eat with us tonight, but I'm sure he'd like to see you before then. You should talk to him." It's more of an attempt at idle conversation than anything. He figures he might as well give a tiny bit of advice before leaving him to his own devices.

"I'm not a child, you know. You don't have to hold my hand and tell me to say 'hi' to the nice lady." Joseph grumbles, but his tone has no bite to it. He's just being whiny from the sound of things, which makes Bi'an fight back a laugh.

"Yes, yes, I know. I just have to nag you so that you don't go and hide back in your cave." This earns him a scowl from Joseph. It was all worth it, no matter how much the other would complain. He worries though that Joseph thinks he looks down on himーsees him as something pitiable that needs to be helpedーwhich he dreads, despite himself. He knows how much he hates being pitied, but Bi'an simply worriesーtoo much for his own good, at that.

Ahh, and there he goes again… It would be fine. He trusts Joseph to talk to him if something bothers him. (…mostly.) He raps on the wall near the living room. "Wujiu, are you quite ready to start prep now? It's getting late soon."

Wujiu looks up from a book, knee bouncing restlessly, and upon seeing the two of them the poor attempt at a distraction is immediately pushed aside. "…Right. In a minute." He's staring right past Bi'an. He's so transparent sometimes that it's embarrassing… Bi'an gives them a light wave before leaving them to themselves. He knows Wujiu won't be any kind of genuine about his feelings if he knows he's around, anyway.

As soon as Bi'an is out of eyesight, Wujiu gets up and nearly charges Joseph. He's shaken out of the last remnants of his stupor by hands firm on his shoulders. He stares wide-eyed back into Wujiu's gaze, and then just feels confused (but not really, in his heart) when he's pulled into a tight hug. He knows this, and knows it wellーknows when Wujiu can't (or doesn't want to) find the words to say what he feels. He understands. He'd also be lying if he ever said it didn't feel nice to give into it; to let himself wrap his arms around Wujiu's back and lean into his chest. He feels safe like this, comfortable and at home and happy.

"Good morning to you too," he mumbles into Wujiu's chest. He won't think about how he parrots Bi'an's words from earlier.

"Oh, shut up." Wujiu's tone is too soft to carry any kind of actual malice. That, and his hands come to rest on Joseph's back and atop his head, and being held so carefully makes it hard to think he's upset. "Don't do that. It freaks me out, I getーI don't know how to help." He squeezes Joseph tighter against him when he says this, and he can tell that part of why he can say this is because Joseph can't see his face. Ah, he's really trying… He would be lying if he said he didn't feel a bit guilty, as well. He doesn't ever want to make the ones he loves worry, but… But…

He feels Wujiu's hand on his hair, stroking it gently, and sighs. "You don't need to help. It's alright." He lets his hands ball up in the back of Wujiu's shirt. "…Please don't worry about me." It's not worth it, he doesn't say.

He hears Wujiu huff. "You can't stop me. I don't evenーI don't need to worry about you! I won't let you get hurt. Ever."

Joseph can't help but smile hearing those words. He could be so stubborn… But it wasn't like he was entirely lying. The last part was absolutely true. Wujiu had proved this to him time and time again. It's… It's something Joseph isn't sure he'd ever entirely understand, but was endlessly grateful for. He doesn't know how Wujiu can care so deeply about someone like him, even if he knows the same thought probably goes through Wujiu's head just as often it does his.

"I love you, you know."

Wujiu pulls him closer. "…I love you, too."

"My, you must have been really worried after all! You didn't even put up a fight!" Joseph takes on a familiar light tone, of teasing, of affection.

"Don't make me take it back." Wujiu punctuates this with a particularly rough ruffling of Joseph's hair. Joseph just laughs, a sound ever so lovely to Wujiu. A sound that brings a warmth to his chest and makes smiling irresistible.

"You can't! If you ever do, my heart would simply shatter, and I'd spend the rest of my days alone in sorrow, mourning my lost love. I would be a shell of a man. And it'd be all because of you."

Wujiu rolls his eyes, kisses his forehead, and pushes him off as gently as he can while trying to act pouty. "Uh-huh. C'mon, Bi'an told you he's cooking tonight, right? He says that, but I'm not about to let him do it alone. You're helping too."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

Joseph is visibly affronted by the fact Wujiu turns and starts walking toward the kitchen without even facing him. Perhaps it's for the best that Wujiu isn't looking, because it's in such a way that he always finds adorable. "What do you mean, 'You're helping too?' I thought you didn't want me in the kitchen!" Putting on his best, most dramatic Wujiu impression, he carries on, "I can't trust you with my good knives, Joseph. You'll hurt yourself, Joseph. You'll set the cookware on fire, Joseph, and you know how Bi'an is about these things." He huffs. "What happened to that?"

Wujiu turns to flick him in the forehead. It lands since Joseph isn't expecting him to stop, and it only makes his pout worse. "That rule's still in effect, rest assured. I just think that with both Bi'an and I in the room with you, it'll be at the very least real hard for you to fuck up."

"You are mean and rude and terrible, do you know that?"

"Yep! Better than anyone."

Joseph resists every urge to heave a sigh, and grabs Wujiu's sleeve. He raises an eyebrow before Joseph tugs him down low enough that he can kiss his cheek. "Stop that. You're the sweetest man I know. Now tell me what you two are making."

Wujiu grumbles, but he knows from experience this is an argument he won't win, and gives up in advance. "Mm. Not sure, actually. I think it's some kind of comfort food, if that tells you anything about the mood he's been in."

Joseph cocks his head. "Is he feeling alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, just really sentimental lately. You're a hypocrite, by the way."

"I'm not taking that from you. Is it something I might know how to make?"

"You could ask that about anything and the answer would be no every time."

"Are you quite done harassing me yet?"

"Never." A somewhat crooked, clumsy smile cracks onto Wujiu's face. Joseph thinks this makes up for the teasing. Really, any amount of it would be worth it for that smile.

Bi'an protests their insistence upon helping once they enter the kitchen, but it's not a fight he's ever going to winーnot with the two most stubborn people on the planet as his opponents. Thus, he relents his position in front of the cutting board to the two of them, and sets to preparing the dry ingredients instead.

It almost kills Bi'an, sometimes, watching those two. It really does. He sees the way Wujiu can't bear to watch Joseph clumsily try to slice vegetables and grabs his hands, carefully guiding them and the knife so he can do it right. He sees how gently, lovingly Wujiu treats him. He sees that he spends so much of his time staring at Joseph's face with that smile, that Joseph doesn't even notice.

Truly, they're simply the worst.

The meal turns out fine, however. More than fine, reallyーWarm and savory, the result of food made with love by a family. Some parts are slightly off, the result of unpracticed hands, but genuine effort makes up for any oddness. Like a glass sculpted lopsided, but still sturdy and useful.

Enough so to have the quality of making Joseph rather sleepy while cleaning up after dinner. It isn't an unpleasant feeling, even if he wishes it away. The fact he's still plenty sleep-deprived probably doesn't help. Ah, and that reminds him… He should tidy up his studio before he gets to bed. If he's been forced up and functioning for the time being, he should at least take advantage of it and make the room nicer for the him of the future.

He bids Bi'an goodnight after finishing up, as he sleeps earlier than him most nights, and makes his way back to his studio. He can't resist yawning on the way, as much as he hates it. He cracks the door open, a bit annoyed that it's unlocked…

…Ahh… He really had been in a bad state, hadn't he? He doesn't like keeping his personal space in this kind of disorder, but… It's not like he's forgotten the hyperfocus, the passion he felt for his subject. He supposes, now, it couldn't be helped. (this doesn't make him any less frustrated with his past self.)

He sets about scooping up various debrisーthe kind that wouldn't be thrown away, brushes and his palette, things that needed to be put back in their places. He would need to rearrange his paints, and clean out the various jars and glasses he uses, and… Ugh. He's of the opinion he produces his best work in this state, but god if it wasn't annoying to deal with the aftermath.

His eyes drift over the canvases leaned in a stack against his worktable, mentally cataloguing the ones that were unused for storing later, until they come to rest on one in particularーthe most recently touched, laying on top of the rest, facing him directly.

The same face displayed on every other used canvas in this room. One familiar, one beloved. Though this one has a large, ugly gash through the middle of it. He barely remembers doing it. Had it been that upsetting? He does remember the feeling that motivated him. …Yes, it had. It… wasn't worthy of its subject. Nothing was ever the image he held in his head. Nothing ever captured the beauty he saw, not anywhere close, not for anything. Not…

…There's only a brief knocking on the door before it opens. Joseph jolts, almost dropping the canvas he's holding.

"…Wujiu."

Wujiu's gaze faces him, though it soon drifts lazily to what he holds. "…Hey. I wanted to tell you goodnight, since I went to go take care of something before." A pause. "…And, uh. I don't wanna sleep without you tonight. So. …I was gonna ask if you could stay with me." He stares more toward the wall, now, embarrassed. It's endearing enough that it's almost distracting. Joseph sets the canvas down on his worktable with a soft thump.

"Yes, of course! You don't have to ask, darling." Luckily, such a sweet proposal is distracting enough. "I'm sorry I couldn't catch you earlier… I'm dreadfully tired, and I wanted to clean up here before getting in bed."

"No, that's fine. I figured you'd come back here, anyway. 's why I looked here first." He looks up, first at Joseph, then again to the canvas on the table. It takes a moment before he speaks up.

"…What were you painting?"

Joseph was really, truly hoping he wouldn't ask that question.

"Nothing important, don't worry about it." He completely inconspicuously starts trying to shove things neat faster so he can join Wujiu in leaving the room.

"It's important to me." It's quiet, in the way Wujiu is when he's being entirely genuine.

Joseph slows to a dead stop. How could he say no to that…? A soft sigh. "Right, that was a lie. I'm sorry."

"I know you're not really lying, you're just being stubborn like always. It's fine. So, what is it? Er, who, should I say?"

Joseph can feel his heart in his throat. Oh, please don't make me admit such humiliating things… Please, please, please… "Well… does it have to be a real person? Sometimes it's simply an image of my own creation."

Wujiu's firm gaze meets his own, now. It's nigh on impossible to lie to that face. "I'm not stupid, y'know. I just wanna hear you say it, and know why."

He feels his heart may just sink and break. "Are you angry…?"

"What? No. Not at all. Just…" He pauses, sighs, runs a hand through his hair. "Confused, I guess." He moves to stand next to Joseph, looking at the half-finished painting before the two of them. He stares at it for what feels like too long. "Why… why me, I guess."

"What do you mean…?" Oh, he does know how Wujiu doesn't like being pushed to open up, but he truly doesn't understand his intent.

"…You're impossible. I mean… It's not like I'm… You always talk about the beauty, the life and the love and whatever in paintings and art. Why me? It's not like I'm good-looking, or…" A pause. One obviously made by him parsing his way through his own words. "…I'm not the kind of person you should be painting. Someone… like Bi'an, maybe. Who's got a lot of good in him, and love to give, and…" Who's a good person. Words unspoken, but still felt.

Wujiu gives a sort of weak-feeling laugh. "I mean, see, you even hated this one enough to cut it up. Nothin' with me as the subject is gonna be any good." He's not looking Joseph in the eyes.

Joseph has absolutely had it with this.

He grabs Wujiu's wrist, abruptly and a bit too rough. It works in getting his attention, as Wujiu jerks to face him, finally coming eye-to-eye. It works for him to then delicately slide his hands so he's holding both of Wujiu's own. It works in making his face impossible to tear away from.

"Listen to me. Don't dare say these things, alright? The reason I tore through this work," A pause for a deep, if not shaky, breath as he gathers his words, "is that it wasn't good enough for you. You are my museーand this is for the fact you are gorgeous, beautiful both inside and out. Every part of you is one I find breathtaking, because you are. In essence, in being, all of you. You are kind and loving, compassionate and brave, you make up for what I lack and youー" a hitch in his breath, "ーyou make me feel like perhaps I am not a waste of space, of kindness. You've given me a home and love in you that I've never deserved.

You are all that is wonderful. I am not a liar, Fan Wujiu. And I never will be. Don't dare try to make me one."

He realizes now he's just let spill quite a lot, and much of it he didn't intend to say when he began speaking. He thinks perhaps he's made a mistake.

He feels extremely certain of this when he sees tears well up in Wujiu's eyes.

"IーI'm sorry, darling." He starts to let go of Wujiu's hands, slipping their fingers apart, before he feels him near frantically lace them back together.

The look in his eyes is one Joseph can't quite read, but full to the brim with emotion. He only sees it for a moment before he's pulled into an almost painfully tight hug.

"Wujiu…?"

He gets no response. …No, that's not quite right. He feels Wujiu shake, and hears him suck in a breath in the way he does when he's trying not to sob, and that's answer enough. He gives his own answer in return by squeezing back, as tight as he can.

After a long silence, though not an uncomfortable one, he manages, "I love you. Don't forget that, okay?"

Wujiu is somewhat muffled, having his face entirely nuzzled into Joseph, but it doesn't matter. "I love you too. So… so much." Another pause… "I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

"Oh, don't you start. And don't cry, either, or I'll cry too." It's a pointless statement, considering the fact that he's already choking up just because Wujiu was, but that doesn't matter either. "Let's go to bed, alright?"

Wujiu finally moves his head up out of Joseph's neck. "Yeah, okay. You don't have to treat me like a kid." One of many things that would have bite if said to anyone else but him. Joseph just smiles.

"Yes, yes. Will you carry me?"

"Not this time, I won't." Wujiu ruffles his hair again, and Joseph swats his hand away, playing along with the distractions from his emotions.

"Aw, fine then. But will you hold me?"

Wujiu pointedly looks away from his face. "…Yeah. Of course."

"Then I'm happy." He dons the satisfied smile of a cat who got the cream, as if he doesn't know Wujiu doesn't like sleeping alone anyway.

"…That's all I want." Wujiu mumbles quietly. Though it isn't lost on Joseph, who leans up to kiss his cheek.

He takes Wujiu's hand, and neither lets go until they reach their bedroom. (technically, it's wujiu's, but they share it so often it may as well be theirs.) Joseph promptly falls back unceremoniously onto their bed, dragging Wujiu with him in such a way that he ends up on top of him. It might be romantic, if not for Wujiu's stumbling from surprise and almost banging their heads together. It doesn't matter. They laugh anyway, Wujiu playfully scolding him for being so reckless as he tugs the blankets over the two of them.

They lay together, Joseph snuggled into Wujiu's chest as he most likes. He's teased for how much smaller he is than him often, but… When they're like this, it gives him a sense of security. After a while of peaceful quiet like this, Wujiu speaks up.

"Promise me you won't do that anymore. You didn't when I said before."

"Oh, darling… You know I can't. I can't help itー"

"No, that's not what I mean. You and I both do that, that's notーdon't just lock yourself up and not let anyone in. Bi'an told me you passed out, and I'd wager that's the only way he got in."

Joseph pauses, a sigh pressing at his lips. "…I know. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. It's just…" Wujiu squeezes Joseph tighter for a moment, pulling him even closer. "It's scary."

Joseph… isn't sure what to say. He returns the motion, nuzzling up against him, taking in his warmth. "…Alright. I promise." Softly closing his eyes, "For you. I'll always let you in." Into his safe places, into his closed-off heart…

He doesn't know how he found someone so lovely. So kind, so caring… That doesn't see it in himself at all. He may never understand how Wujiu can look at himself and see a monster.

(...well, maybe he was a bit of a hypocrite for that. but this was besides the point.)

He would make sure Wujiu saw what he sees in him. No matter how long it takes, or what that entails… He wanted Wujiu to be able to love himself as Joseph loved him. As much as he knows that he loves Joseph back.

This was a long ways off, of course… But it was something he'd stop at nothing to achieve. For the person who gave him so much… He wants nothing more than to give back the love and happiness he's received, if not tenfold.

Maybe he can do that a little bit at a time. Maybe Wujiu can feel it in times like these; in the gentle calmness of each other's presence, in a way that no one else sees him in. If Wujiu trusts him enough for that…

That was progress. He feels Wujiu's warmth surround him, and it feels safe.

As they drift off, they think, perhaps, this is what home feels like.