TWELVE

Christian

Christian collapsed onto his bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling a lot better after having visited the feeders.

Using magic wasn't just fatiguing on his mind and energy, it pulsed through every muscle in his body and made them ache, too.

He felt like he could have slept for a week, but his mind continued to race, preventing it.

That and Rose was perched on the edge of her bed, looking at him and frowning.

"What is it?" he asked, frowning too. "What's on your mind?"

"I—"

He'd never seen her like this before. She didn't hesitate to say anything unless it was personal, but this was even worse than that. "Rose." He sat back up, wanting stupidly to reach for her. He forced that urge away. "What's wrong?"

"I saw your mom. At the battle."

It was like she had punched him. "What?"

"It was when you'd passed out. I was standing next to you, making sure no one else came, and I saw her staring straight at me. I'm sure of it. She was looking right at me, and at you. She was there."

Christian didn't think he was breathing. His head swam. He thought he might pass out.

"She was there," he repeated, dumbly. "She can't have been."

Rose went to stand up, then sat herself down again. "It seemed like she was in charge. She was the one who told them to back off, at the end."

So it was his fault.

People had died, and he was responsible. They'd had confirmation now. Three novices, two Moroi, and a guardian in critical condition. All because of him. Because he'd been stupid enough to leave the Academy, because he hadn't taken his mom's threats seriously.

"Don't," Rose said, standing up this time and crouching in front of him, forcing herself into his eyeline. "It's not your fault."

He laughed. "Right. Of course it isn't. My mom led an attack on me and people died, but it's not my fault."

"It's her fault. It's the Strigoi's fault. And we never could have guessed they'd be organized like that, you know that."

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's not going to work."

Her lip quirked. "Oh, I know. I'm the queen of guilt. But I'm going to try anyway."

"People died," he said again. "Five people killed because of my mom."

"So many more people saved because of you."

"If she wanted to take me I should have just gone."

"No." She gripped his forearms so hard it hurt, and he looked at her again. Her brown eyes were fierce. "Absolutely not. There's no way in hell you're sacrificing yourself to that monster."

"Rose—"

"No."

"Okay." He was too much of a coward to let himself go to a Strigoi knowing the goal was to turn him, anyway. Death was one thing, but becoming one of those creatures was something else entirely.

Rose squeezed his arms then let go. "I'm so sorry this is happening."

"Me too." His fingers brushed for a second across the tape holding her bandage in place. "I guess that one is my fault too, then." He almost touched her bust lip, or the cheek where a bruise would be blossoming soon. "And those too."

She chuckled. "Please, they're nothing. Even if they were your fault they wouldn't be anything to feel bad about."

It didn't make him feel better, but he forced the smile onto his face.

"Just get some rest," she said, standing up. "We can talk about it more in the morning. Or, whatever time it'll be after you've slept for a bit. Our schedule is completely ruined. But you're exhausted."

"You too." She really did look wiped out. "We'll talk in a bit."

"Okay." She seemed to deflate, collapsing onto the bed herself, and then making a strangled noise when she landed on her wound.

Guilt continued to pulse through him, and it wasn't going to stop any time soon.

They turned the lights out and Rose fell immediately to sleep.

He wasn't so lucky.

His mom being at the fight changed everything.

It wasn't just the guilt about the people who had been lost or hurt today.

It was about the future, too. She wasn't going to stop, and if she had that many people at her side then she might even be able to get enough to attack the Academy. He would be putting anyone he was around in danger. Going back to St. Vlad's would put Liss in danger, and hundreds of kids, most of them barely even teenagers.

And everyone would know. There would be no keeping this secret. People would know it was his mom, and his reputation would be back at rock bottom. Liss would be tainted by association. She wouldn't be able to do anything without their relationship being a black mark against her name.

He'd already made his decision about what to do next. The real task was going to be accomplishing it.

Rose was asleep and after the day they'd just had, he hoped she would be fast asleep and not easy to disturb.

He slipped out of bed and grabbed his backpack from the floor beside the bed. It had everything in it except his toothbrush and toothpaste. He could buy another of those.

There were a lot of things he was going to need to buy. His first stop would be the bank, and then getting out of the city as quickly as possible.

He'd only just started to move the handle on the hotel room door when Rose stirred. He shut his eyes and prayed she wouldn't wake up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Just go back to sleep, Rose."

But when he opened his eyes she was getting out of bed, still in her jeans and sweater, and staring him down. "You're really going to do this?" she asked. "Put your backpack down and stop being ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous." He bristled. "Five people just died because of me, I'm not going to stick around and put other people in danger. I'm not going to go back to campus and put all those kids in danger, put Liss in danger. It's not the right thing to do and you know it."

"The Academy is safe. Running off on your own is suicide. You told me you weren't planning on doing anything like that." She took a step forward, and he knew she was going to attempt to get between him and the door. He wasn't stupid—now Rose had caught him, it would be a case of convincing her or staying. He wasn't going to be able to outrun her.

"I'm not doing this because I want to be found and killed. I want to be a distraction to my mom to stop her finding a way to attack the Academy before the guardians get enough people to take her down safely."

Rose took the opportunity to slip between him and the door, resting her back against it and looking up at him. There was barely any space between them. His skin prickled with heat as he stared her down, and that was a very new issue he didn't want to delve any further into, either.

"Just stay. She won't attack the Academy."

"I can't do it. I won't be responsible for anyone else getting hurt."

"I'm not going to just let you walk out of here."

"I know, but you can't keep an eye on me forever."

"Yes, I can."

He believed it, too. She would sleep deprive herself until they were back on the jet and he was trapped in the Academy.

"Rose," he said, imploring. "This isn't just about me. This is about Liss, too. I don't want to put her in danger, and being near her is putting her in danger."

"Don't play that card on me."

"It's true, though."

And he could see her waiver. Liss was the most important thing in the world to her. She would never do anything to put her in danger, even if that effectively meant sacrificing him to do it. He didn't doubt that.

"And I can handle myself," he pressed. "I'm not defenceless out there. I'm not an idiot, either. I'm not going to let myself be caught outside in the dark, or go anywhere secluded. I'm just running a distraction while Liss convinces people it's worthwhile to hunt my mom down and stop her doing what she's doing."

"It's a stupid idea."

"It's the only one I've got that seems like it might work."

They stared each other down, and Christian's heart thrummed in his chest. She was wavering. She was going to let him go. A part of him wished she would stop him, that she would keep trying to protect him.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. Let me grab my bag."

"What—"

"Don't be an idiot, Christian. If you're doing it, you're not doing it on your own. I'm not just queen of guilt, I'm also queen of escaping St. Vlad's and being on the run for two years, though I seriously hope you're not intending this to take that long."

"No, Rose—"

"Yes. If you're dead set on doing this then I'm coming with you, and you will not convince me otherwise. We're a pretty good team, remember? If anyone is going to be able to survive out there, then it's us." She took a deep breath, and the doubt in her gaze was obvious.

"I don't want you to hurt Liss," he said. "She'll be devastated."

"She'll understand. She'll be glad I'm with you."

"This is going to get you into so much trouble."

"I'd rather get into trouble than wake up to the news you're dead and I wasn't there to at least try and stop it." Her face was set, and he allowed himself to be relieved. He wasn't going to admit it, but this whole thing would be less traumatizing with Rose by his side.

"Thank you."

She grabbed her own bag from the floor and took a bit extra time packing their things. "You should write a note," she said. "Explain why we're actually doing this. Adrian will dreamwalk me when he realizes what we've done, and I can explain things to Lissa then. But people need to know it's about your mom if they're going to try and hunt her down like you say."

He scribbled something out, and then Rose added to the end a PS. I'm sorry Liss, I wasn't letting him make this stupid decision on his own.

"I doubt that's going to do much to make her feel better," he muttered.

"It'll have to do," she said, taking a deep breath. Her face was still impressively blank. "Well, let's go, then. It's ten AM local time. The flight out of here is supposed to leave at two PM. We need to be long gone by then."

Christian nodded, and then pulled her into a hug. It was quick but tight, and he wasn't sure why he'd been compelled to do it. He'd already said his thank you, and didn't repeat it.

He was surprised when she held him back just as tightly.

They pulled away and he tried to straighten his own face into something resembling a game face.

"Well," he said, taking a deep breath. "Let's do this thing.