A/N - This is going to be a two-shot little fic so don't worry about how this chapter ends.

I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Chapter One - I Felt Guilty

"Mommy hurry!" Trixie said, shifting from foot to foot, brandishing some flashy toy her father had gotten her.

"Wait a minute, I need to find you some batteries." Chloe pawed through that special drawer present in every kitchen in America, shifting aside old letter openers, magnets, several pairs of scissors, and miscellaneous chargers as she looked for the package of batteries she definitely remembered buying not two days ago. "Why don't you play with something else for a bit?"

Trixie huffed but complied, setting down her toy on the counter and retreating to her room. Chloe eyed the doll, taking in the rainbow hair and bedazzled skirt. According to the package, the doll was supposed to light up and make noise. She was secretly happy she could not find any batteries. Seriously, why were children's toys so loud in the first place? And more importantly, how did Dan even find them?

Returning to the drawer, she began to pick through the various items inside, surprised to find keys belonging to her old car and an out of date insurance card which had expired six months prior. Really, she should take some time and clean out all the clutter. Most of the stuff in the drawer was junk anyway.

She peeled back layer after layer, pulling out items destined for the trashcan and making another, smaller, pile of things that should be relocated.

Nearly finished, the bottom of the drawer now visible for probably the first time since she had bought the house, her fingers brushed against something thin and smooth. Tugging the mystery item out from where it hid beneath a set of those metal holiday cookie cutters, she realized it was her old phone.

Leaning back against the counter, she studied the device. The screen was still smudged with fingerprints, the corner cracked from when she had dropped it one time too many. Currently it was without its case, the weight wrong in her hands. Idly, she pressed the power button but was not surprised when the screen remained black. The phone hadn't been charged in nearly four months, since before her trip to Europe.

She traced the edge with her fingertip, remembering the day it had been shoved into the drawer. The trip to Europe had been planned and she was doing a shopping trip the night before the flight to pick up a few necessities.

At first, she had largely ignored the display of cellphones in the back of the store, more concerned with buying a few books for herself and more shorts for Trixie. On her way to checkout however, she had found herself lingering around the display.

Technically, she hadn't needed to get a new phone, especially considering what she had just paid for the impromptu vacation. All the bright signs declaring what new features an updated model could offer did not resonate with her. What was even the point of having three cameras?

There was one thing a new phone could give her though, and it wasn't written on any of those stupid signs.

Since she had seen his… well, since the debacle with Lucifer, she had feared he would try to reach out to her. Thus far, he hadn't dared but it had only been a week and she dreaded the moment when he would inevitably call her. Traveling across the world was all well and good but she needed to be free of him for a while, get her head in order without fear or worry.

Just thinking about him made her stomach lurch. She gripped her shopping cart handle so hard, her knuckles looked ready to burst out of her skin. A dizzy spell nearly overcame her and she took slow, measured breaths to calm down.

Simply leaving her phone behind while she was abroad was no good. She would have to maintain contact with Dan at the least and her mother too. Changing her number didn't sound like a good enough option though.

Her current device was, in some ways, tainted. Every text Lucifer had ever sent her was on that phone, along with pictures of him and those awful ringtones he would download when she wasn't looking…

Breathe Chloe, breathe.

So, buying a new phone had seemed like the best option. In many ways, it had been liberating. She had given everyone who needed to know her new number… along with not so hidden demands that no one tell Lucifer about the change. Even Ella had agreed, though the other woman had been visibly upset. Chloe's blase excuse that she needed time away from anything that could remind her of work was weak at best.

After setting up the new phone, she had shoved the old one in the kitchen drawer, feeling like normal was obtainable for the first time since seeing… his face. It helped that Lucifer had no idea she was leaving in the first place.

Was it cowardly, leaving after promising him the two of them would talk? Oh yeah. But Chloe felt her cowardness, just this once, was probably the sanest decision she could make.

And not once had she thought about the phone she'd left behind. Until now, that was.

She wondered what she would find if she charged it, if Lucifer had called when he'd found she was gone. Had he left voicemails?

Before she knew what she was doing, she plugged the phone in. After waiting a minute, she pressed the power button again, the screen flickering to life and demanding her password.

Here, she hesitated, wondering what the hell she was doing. Only a month ago she'd almost poisoned Lucifer, convinced his presence on Earth meant the end to humanity. That moment still made her physically sick, remembering how excited he'd been about their date and his disappointment when she had admitted she wasn't sure if she could accept him.

Since then, he hadn't been around much, avoiding the precinct and making himself scarce at Lux. She knew he was still in the city, had even asked a few people to go to the club during its peak hours and make sure Lucifer was okay.

The reports hadn't been at all reassuring.

He rarely made appearances anymore, the piano left in the corner to collect dust. When he did show up, often just dressed in boxers and a robe like he couldn't be bothered to care for himself, it was just to retrieve more alcohol from the club's main stores. The constant parade of people to the penthouse had halted completely, the elevator now key code protected.

Several times Chloe had considered going to see him but she knew that would almost certainly make the situation worse. His prolonged absence was to get away from her and she could emphasize with that, having done the same thing - even if her response had been far more extreme.

Regardless, the gap between them was not going to be fixed by her checking on him, though giving him space did not appear to be working either. That didn't mean it wasn't agony for her.

She'd seen Lucifer spiral several times, but at least then she could keep an eye on him. Now, he was beyond her reach. Her concern for him worried at her. There was no escaping it. At work, every coffee cup reminded her of him. At home, she had to deal with all the pictures Trixie had drawn of her partner, usually sporting inaccurate tails and horns. She hadn't the heart to tell her daughter to take the picture down, instead suffering in silence.

Was this how Lucifer had felt while she was gone? Someone must have eventually clued him in on her abrupt vacation plans but as far as she was aware, everyone had kept their promise and not told him anything beyond that.

She looked to the phone again, the small light in the upper corner blinking to signal unread messages. Picking up the device with heavy trepidation, she put in the code.

The screen lit up with the familiar background of her and Trixie at the Santa Monica pier. They'd gone one afternoon to ride the ferris wheel and have ice cream right after her divorce had been finalized. Trixie was so young in the photo, her smile missing several baby teeth.

She was stalling.

Tapping to open up the apps page, she selected her voicemail and scrolled through. Most were from unknown numbers, though one was from a cousin who lived out in Utah. Lucifer's number was not amongst them and her stomach simultaneously sank with regret as she breathed out in relief.

Checking her voicemail first had been the safe option however. Lucifer had always preferred sending texts to actually calling. Something about emojis fascinated him to no end. When he'd first gotten a phone, he had demanded she explain to him what every single face emoji meant. Luckily, he'd learned what the eggplant and peach stood for all on his own. She wasn't sure she could have handled that particular conversation.

She realized she was smiling and her chest ached as she realized how long it'd been since she'd thought about her partner fondly.

Tapping to open her texts, she was greeted by several un-opened ones, the most recent of which belonging to her service provider to tell her the phone was now inactive. Below that were a few amber alerts and one or two warnings about earthquakes. She deleted all of these without reading them.

They vanished and the next name to pop up was almost enough to make her forget the whole thing and toss her phone in the trash disposal… and then light the sink on fire.

Lucifer's name, she never used nicknames in her phone, waited patiently for her, innocent as a bear trap.

This was her last chance to back out… and why was this such a big deal to start with? What could his messages possibly tell her that she didn't already know? Most of them were probably angry anyway. Leaving without saying anything, yeah, that had been shitty of her. Opening the thread, she scrolled up immediately, searching for the first message he had sent after she'd left.

There were hundreds.

Finally, she reached a message sent four days into her vacation and started to read:

June 22 - 8:15 am

'Detective, are you alright? It's been two weeks now since… anyway, I would like to come into work today.'

'If that's okay with you of course. I understand if you'd rather I didn't.'

'Detective?'

'I can give you more time, all the time you need, just… I haven't seen Miss. Lopez in a while and I wish to speak with Daniel about Charlotte. But of course, this isn't about me. Please, take your time. I don't want to pressure you.'

10:30 am

'The interim Lieutenant says you're on vacation. I understand, but if you'd wanted more space, I would have left LA for a bit. The city is your home too.'

'Miss. Lopez won't tell me where you are. I wasn't trying to find you or anything! I was just curious. But she said that you had everyone promise not to tell me.'

'The Lieutenant has assured me that you're using saved vacation days for your trip and are being paid in full. You can come back whenever you wish, I won't bother you. I promise.'

June 23 - 9:30 am

'I apologize for messaging you again but I just wanted to inform you that the investigation into Pierce has cleared you of any wrongdoing and you'll be fully reinstated upon your return. I wasn't sure if anyone had told you.'

'Of course, it was the only logical conclusion that could be drawn. You didn't do anything wrong.'

June 24 - 4:27 pm

'You're in Europe? Someone let slip at the precinct, I wasn't digging, I swear! In fact, I'll be avoiding the precinct, so if you don't want to see me, you can just come back to work without worry.'

'You didn't have to go so far… but it's your choice obviously. Whatever makes you comfortable. Europe is lovely in the summer, you'll enjoy it.'

The next few days were more of the same, Lucifer sending careful messages which didn't convey much about how he felt. She scrolled down to about a week into her vacation, where the messages became much less impersonal.

July 2 - 7:09 am

'Today is Charlotte's funeral, they wouldn't release her body until the investigation was completed. I don't think I'm supposed to go. Daniel is rather upset with me and Linda said it would be a bad idea for me to attend the burial. I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't want anyone to hurt, least of all you. But it's all I seem to do anymore.'

'I did want to go, she was my friend, but Daniel becomes so cold when he sees me and…'

'I'm sorry you're missing the ceremony as well, you were her friend too. You could have come back for it, I would have stayed away so you could grieve.'

'It's been quiet this last week. Miss. Lopez cries every time she sees me so I stopped visiting her. And with Daniel currently not speaking to me and Amenadiel gone…'

'When are you coming home?'

'I know I have no right to ask you but it's been over a week now and I thought maybe we could have that talk soon.'

'If you're ready, of course.'

'Detective?'

'Are you there?'

July 3 - 5:45 pm

'I went to see Charlotte's grave. Her family picked out a very nice plot, not too crowded or close to the road.'

'I think she would have liked it too.'

'Seeing the grave I just… are you alright? And the urchin? Does she like Europe?'

'Did you tell her the truth? Because I would never hurt her, surely she knows that right?

'Do you know that?'

'Right?'

For the next week, Lucifer only texted sparingly, usually about work. Then, something changed again.

July 14 - 9:55 am

'I'm so sorry Detective. Please, just come home. You never have to see me again if you don't want to. I just need to know that you're safe.'

'Please, I don't care if it's just to tell me to fuck off, please let me know you're okay.'

'It's been two weeks now. You're coming back right?'

'Right?'

'Linda has told me to stop texting you but I won't, not until you reply.'

'I hate it here without you. Everyone's sad and I don't know how to fix it.'

'Detective?'

'Please, I know I've no right to ask for anything but please, I can't stand this.'

'It hurts.'

July 15 - 1:05 am

'I keep having these dreams that something terrible has happened to you. I don't know what to do. I want to give you the time you need but… please come home?'

'I won't see you if you do. I just want to know you're safe.'

2:30 am

'I'm so sorry, Detective.'

2:58 am

'What can I do? I'll go anywhere you want me to, disappear for six months if that's what it takes. I'll resign from the department or close Lux and leave LA. I can open a club in Las Vegas and then when you're ready to talk, I won't be that far.'

3:15 am

'I can't sleep, thinking that I'm the reason you're staying away.'

'I'm so sorry.'

'And I'm sorry I keep apologizing. It must bother you.'

'I'm sorry for that too.'

4:48 am

'It's been days. I can't remember the last time I ate. Linda keeps pressing for more sessions.'

'I didn't tell her what happened. It wasn't my decision to make and I didn't want to anger you.'

'But I need to talk about it, I think. If I went to a different therapist, would that be okay? Discussing it I mean. I wouldn't use your real name or anything.'

'It's just… there's no one to talk to here. I haven't seen anyone since you left and… but I shouldn't be complaining. I'm sorry to make my problems your's.'

July 16 - 11:12 pm

'No one comes to Lux anymore. I suspect it's because I keep playing the same song over and over but I don't know what else to do anymore.'

'I never meant to show you that side of me. It's monstrous and I hate it, hate that piece of myself.'

'But that's not who I am.'

'Surely you know that.'

'Right?'

'Detective?'

'You don't think I'm a monster, do you?'

'Hello?'

July 17 - 12:04 pm

'You're coming home?'

'I mean, obviously you are. You wouldn't just pack up and move without saying something.'

'Detective?'

4:15 pm

'Don't be mad but I went to your place and watered your front flowers. There hasn't been any rain and I know how much you love them.'

'And I took your car to the DMV because your registration was about to expire. I noticed it a few days ago when I took it to get washed.'

'For when you get home… which will be any day now.'

'Right?'

July 20 - 3:57 am

'I've been blacking out, which is why I haven't texted you these past few days. Though I'm sure you're relieved about that. I don't mean to keep bothering you but… please just respond?'

'Once?'

'Just give me some sign you're alive and the child is okay.'

'I miss you both terribly.'

'I want to give you time but this is getting extreme. It's been three weeks.'

'Why didn't you tell me you were going to leave?'

July 21 - 1:12 pm

'I've lost you, haven't I? I tried so hard to not ruin this.'

'I really did think Pierce could change. Because if he could, then maybe I could too. But evidently I was mistaken.'

'He made you happy though and… Detective, I just wanted you to be happy. It's all I've ever wanted.'

'I don't think I'll be staying in LA much longer. There's no reason to anymore. Even here breathing hurts, like my lungs are full of razor blades.'

'I have a request, though I know I'm not entitled. Please, if you haven't already, don't tell the urchin about what you saw. I don't want to be the monster in her nightmares.'

July 22 - 12:01 am

'It's been one month as if a minute ago.'

July 23 - 5:16 am

'Do you hate me?'

'Please answer that. Of all the questions I have sent, please this time, just answer me. One word.'

'I don't know what to do. What if this is it? What if you never come back?'

'Please come back. I'm so sorry.'

'I can't take this anymore. Everything hurts.'

'I'm drowning.'

'Detective?'

'Chloe?'

That was the last message, sent only four hours before Chloe herself would land back in Los Angeles.

The phone slipped from her grasp, clattering to the counter top.

All that time, while she'd been letting Father Kinley fill her head with lies, he'd been begging her for a bone, any small sign she was even coming back.

Her chest ached and she felt sick, the room closing in on her. She sank to the floor, head between her knees.

She should've never bought that fucking phone.

A/N - I promise a happy ending! There's going to be more angst first though.