THE SECRET

PART ONE

The sun was about to fall behind the sea line covering the sky with orange, red and gold stripes. Despite the docks' bland and grim environment, Hutch could clearly picture the beautiful postcard nature was unveiling before his eyes.

He couldn't help but feel a slight melancholy, this twinge that never failed to worm its way into his gut knowing beauty will fade and good things couldn't last. He quickly cast that feeling off and scolded himself: "That's damn sentimentalism, Hutchinson!"

Another day was about to end, another day spent doing the same thing they did the day before: trying to bust a drug deal that was supposed to happen days ago.

The goons they had tailed these past three days throughout the city seemed to suspect something as they didn't do anything that was worth more than a fine; but there was no sign of them trying to shake the cops off either.

They finally ended here on the docks, sitting in Hutch's car, hoping the stakeout would come to an end at last.

"Hey, Starsk? Are you sleeping?" Hutch asked looking at his friend in the back of the car through the rear mirror.

"What? Some action, finally?" Starsky was suddenly enlivened at the idea their boredom would soon end.

"Nope, but look at this sky! It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah," replied Starsky without showing real interest.

He was hungry and wanted some action to divert him from his cramping stomach.

"Aren't you hungry for once? Maybe we can call it a day?" He attempted.

"No, I'm not hungry", gasped Hutch exasperated at hearing the question half a dozen times for the last couple of hours.

"If only you could think about something else, you wouldn't be as well!"

"Well I can't!"

"Can't what …?" said Hutch absently as his attention was drawn to a car that slowly approached the depot they were staking out.

"…Think about something else! I'm not you and my body needs something more substantial than protein shakes to…"

"Follow the money!"

A brown Chevy just stopped in front of the warehouse where their targets had entered an hour ago. Three men stepped out with a suitcase in hand and moved quickly into the depot, gazing around for any threat.

Starsky, now completely awake, slid to the front seat and proceeded to call in for black and white support. They swiftly exited the car in silence, pulling their guns from their holsters and moved towards the sliding doors to glance inside.

That was finally it, the exchange was being made right in front of them and there were enough drugs in the big sport bag to send the mobsters to jail for a long time.

Starsky mouthed, "One, two…" and at "three" Hutch just nodded and blasted into the warehouse shouting, "Hold it! Police!" backed by his buddy.

The villains didn't seem surprised as the bullets started flying almost instantly.

Starsky and Hutch moved towards them carefully covering each other. They could hear sirens wailing in the distance. Support would be there soon, all they needed to do was keep the drugs, the money and the goons from fleeing… and at the same time avoid getting themselves killed.

The shooting seemed to last forever and, although three of the bad guys were put out of action quite quickly, there were still three of them resisting.

Hutch was a bit ahead, shielding behind a container to reload his revolver.

Silence filled the depot while the goons were trying to locate their assailants.

Hutch loaded six bullets in his Magnum and made sure the cylinder moved freely before nodding back at Starsky to take position at the other side of the room.

The partners only needed glances and hand signs to understand each other perfectly. When the blond cop raised his hand in stand-by, the dark-haired one held himself ready, breathing deeply to contain the adrenaline surge. Then Hutch silently rolled around the container, grabbed a jerry can that was left in the corner and threw it at the opposite side of the depot, diverting the bad guys just seconds but enough time for the cops to dart towards the goons, in a surprise move, catching them in a crossfire.

One of the bad guys threw his empty gun to the side and took off grabbing the suitcase full of money.

Starsky and Hutch were now right in front of the two remaining guys, knocking their weapons out, one with a kick and the other with a punch.

"Starsk! Take care of that one, I'm going after the money!" shouted Hutch.

"I knew that's all you were interested in after all!" teased Starsky.

The guy with the suitcase fled by the back door and was now running as fast as he could along the wharfs toward a boat that was waiting for him.

He thought he had gained enough distance from the cop, but it was without considering Hutch's athleticism as the blond detective was soon behind him.

"Don't move! Come on, you're not going anywhere!" screamed Hutch, taking only seconds to adjust the thug in his line of sight.

The guy stopped in his course, paused and pretended to surrender but seeing the boat coming up from the far end of the pier, he suddenly took off again.

Hutch, although taken off guard for a second, went after him and was soon close enough to jump him down.

The thug was almost forty pounds heavier and five inches taller than him and he had to punch as hard as he could to ensure a knock-out. At the impact, he felt his hand crack, but his opponent was positively out cold.

Hutch knelt heavily on the guy's back, taking the cuffs from the inside pocket of his leather jacket. He directed his intense blue eyes towards the depot wondering when Starsky would be there. His heart was pounding out of his chest.

"You have the right to remain silent…" he recited while standing up and grabbing the suitcase full of money.

He didn't notice the boat driver who was now just behind him, a steel bar in hand.

"Hutch!" shouted Starsky at the top of his lungs, finally catching up with his partner.

Hutch turned around at the same moment and felt a shooting pain under his diaphragm. It took his breath away. He gasped for air, trying his utmost to overcome the pain and fight back his assailant.

A second hit went right into his left side and dropped him to his knees.

His eyes blurred. The last thing he heard was Starsky's automatic filling the air with its specific bark.

Starsky came up to his friend and knelt beside him, panting and worried.

"Hutch?" He said softly, trying to calm down. "Hutch, are you ok? Paramedic! Paramedic?"

He carefully took his partner's head between his hands and tried to wake him up.

Hutch gasped, coughed and tried to sit up but the pain pinned him to the ground. He groaned.

"Easy, buddy. Don't move. Paramedics should be here in a minute."

"What happened?" Hutch asked groggily.

"You passed out. I guess you'll get away with a broken rib or two!"

"Hope not! Do you have the money and the drugs?"

Hutch raised himself into a sitting position, not without wincing. He tried his best to conceal the stabbing pain in his left ribs.

"Don't worry about that! We have everything. We're gonna take you to the hospital first."

The paramedics were now at Hutch's side and one of them who introduced himself as Joe was trying to unbutton his plaid shirt.

"Stop it! I'm ok!" barked Hutch visibly irritated.

"Can you walk?" asked the paramedic.

Hutch just nodded and without warning tried to get on his feet. A bit too fast, as he swayed for a second and almost fell backwards, if Starsky hadn't been there to grab him.

"You sure you can walk?" asked Starsky worriedly.

"I could run a marathon!" snapped the blond cop as they slowly headed towards the ambulance.

Starsky just bit his lips and refrained from commenting as he knew his friend hated showing his vulnerability in front of strangers.

Inside the ambulance, Hutch was still arguing with the paramedics, trying to avoid a ride to the hospital.

"I'm alright! See?"

He opened his shirt revealing a dark red mark covering the left side of his torso.

Joe carefully palpated his ribs and muscular abdomen.

"Does that hurt?" he asked.

"Of course, it does!" grimaced Hutch. "Have you ever been hit with a steel bar? But it's just a crack. I'm good. It'll be a very ugly bruise tomorrow, but it's not broken. Can you just wrap it?"

The paramedic wore a puzzled look, confused by how assertive the blond cop was.

"How do you know it's not broken?" objected Starsky.

Hutch's eyes fired at his partner.

"'Cause I've already had broken ribs and believe me, it doesn't hurt as bad this time!"

Hutch was lying, but he had no intention of ending the day at the hospital. Besides if the ribs were broken, there was nothing else to do anyway.

"You're certainly not suffering from hyperpathia!" joked the paramedic.

"No, I'm not!" Hutch replied, serious.

"What kind of word is that? Why do I have the feeling I'm not invited to the party?" said Starsky.

"It means, Starsk, I don't whine at the slightest cut! You would know that if you went to college…"

"Well, that was rude," Starsky thought, not sure what started his friend's salty mood. Was it his overprotective instinct that got on his blonde partner's nerves or was he in more pain than he wanted to admit?

Joe hesitated a moment but after taking Hutch's tension and heart rate, he concluded, "Ok, I'm gonna strap you but if you experience any dizziness, abdominal pain or severe headache, I want you to go to the hospital."

"Ok, deal!" Hutch replied.

PART TWO

They were driving back to Hutch's place and an unusual silence filled the air.

Hutch was surreptitiously rubbing his ribs as the pain wouldn't fade, despite the painkiller he had taken an hour earlier.

"Whatever!" he thought. "If the ribs were broken there's nothing to do anyway than be patient."

"Are you ok?" Starsky asked again, still worried. He had been observing his friend out of the corner of his eye since they had left the docks and noticed that Hutch's jaws were tense from clenching his teeth.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You would tell me if you don't feel well? The medic said we have to watch out for any symptoms…"

"I know, Starsk! Stop being such a mom!"

"Well, someone has to be!" Starsky replied jokingly, but Hutch didn't pick up on it and just frowned.

It wasn't uncommon for his partner to be particularly sensitive when his parents were broached. Starsky would often excuse him and feel empathetic as he knew all about the tense relationship his friend had with his father and how hard on him the latter was.

Their conversation suddenly had a strange resonance and for the first time, he noticed Hutch's reluctance to talk about his mother.

Maybe it had always been there, just that Starsky hadn't picked up on it, or maybe his friend's mood was particularly dark that night.

Starsky never wanted to ask questions and rather expected his buddy to confide in him whenever he felt to.

During their six-year partnership, they had shared many ordeals and Starsky had witnessed his friend's torment when his marriage to Vanessa fell apart.

The daily fights, the frustrations, the guilt… his partner had experienced it all but was still trying to save what he thought was the love of his life until she suddenly left without an explanation. Almost at the same time, Hutch's father had died but he had ignored the funeral and remained silent for days.

There wasn't much left of his friend's sanity back then but Starsky was there for him. With patience and time, he had led him to talk and Hutch had finally confessed how harsh his childhood was, filled with rules, unachievable demands and punishments.

His father was obviously a commander figure, always expecting the best of his son, locking him in the closet at a young age to overcome his fear of dark or having him run in the cold Minnesota winter to strengthen his body. Once the young boy having stolen candies from the kitchen, he had shoved them down his throat to the point of disgust.

They never talked about it afterwards and Starsky never considered Hutch might hold a grudge against his mother, assuming she was fearful and submissive. But tonight, something suddenly clicked and triggered his concern.

"Hey?" Starsky attempted.

"What?"

"Maybe you should call your mother tomorrow to let her know you're ok? You don't call her often."

"Mind your own business, will you?" Hutch lashed out quite angrily. Then, as if he regretted it, "Look I'm hungry. Why don't we stop at your favorite Italian and pick up a pizza? You can choose your favorite, my treat…"

"Sounds great to me! I was waiting for that the whole day!" said Starsky cheerfully, not without noticing Hutch's attempt at changing the subject. He noted to himself to be smarter the next time he would bring the subject up.

Hutch smiled and for a moment almost felt good.

At Venice Place, Starsky put the pizza box on the coffee table and went on rummaging through the fridge for beers.

"Hey, Hutch, what do you want to watch on the TV tonight? You mind if I stay here? You can lend me one of your t-shirts and…"

"Look, Starsk, I really don't need a babysitter. I'm alright!"

"Who said I wanna babysit you? I just don't feel like going home at midnight and I'm exhausted so if you don't mind…"

"Whatever you wanna do… I don't expect anyone anyway." Hutch gave up, too tired to discuss it any further, and as he headed to the bathroom, he added: "I need to wash up a bit and as for TV, you choose…"

Soon, they were slumped on the sofa, absently watching a Spencer Tracy movie and sipping their beers.

Hutch was in his orange bathrobe and Starsky in a blue one that his friend lent him.

The breeze that came through the opened window was filled with the scent of lilacs and Hutch inadvertently took a deep breath that made him wince. His stomach was hurting even more than his ribs, just below the left side of his diaphragm which made breathing difficult. But he would never admit it to his partner.

The only thing he was longing for was to lie down in his bed and drift off, but he didn't want Starsky to worry. It was still early.

He was trying his best to keep his attention on the movie and eat the slice of pizza still on his plate, but he felt dizzy and nauseated.

The aftermath of the fight was taking its toll on him, he reasoned.

"Hey, I thought you were hungry?" remarked Starsky. "How come you're still chewing the same slice of pizza?"

"Well, I guess I was not that hungry," replied Hutch quite annoyed that his partner had noticed his absence of appetite.

"Still in pain? You need somethin'?"

"Nah. Just tired. I think I call it a day…"

"Sure." Starsky was gazing at his friend. "You had a hard day… You don't mind if I finish the movie and the pizza?"

"Help yourself. It's as much your home!" joked Hutch. "But don't go to sleep too late! We have work to do tomorrow!"

"I have work to do!" Starsky corrected. "Dobey said you're not going anywhere farther than the candy machine."

Hutch weakly smiled. His head started to ache annoyingly.

Starsky's heart skipped a beat while watching Hutch painfully trying to pull himself up from the sofa, and he had to refrain from landing a hand.

Dawn was about to rise when Hutch awoke, rays of light seeping through the curtains. He had a terrible night. His ribs still hurt, and he felt a shooting pain just beneath his diaphragm. He reached for the painkillers on the nightstand, but the tube was empty.

He was lightheaded and still nauseated. He actually felt downright lousy despite having slept a bit and was now worried as well. Something was definitely wrong.

He laboriously managed to wind himself out of bed and put his jeans and green t-shirt on. He headed towards the living room.

Starsky was deep asleep on the couch. Hutch kneeled heavily beside him and gently said, "Starsk? Hey buddy!"

"What? What happened?" Starsky looked up, the curly hair disheveled.

"You mind giving me a lift to the hospital?"

Now Starsky was totally awake. He jumped on his feet and looked intently at Hutch.

His friend was as pale as a sheet and seemed feverish. He knew it was serious as Hutch would never ask for help like that.

He dressed up as fast as he could and grabbed the keys of the Torino.

Hutch was now holding his stomach, as if he had been stabbed with a knife. He moaned and bent in two, his middle aching tremendously. He fought to stay conscious, not wanting to aggravate the concerned look on his partner's face.

Starsky hauled him up by the arm, draping it over his shoulder and guided him with difficulty down the staircase.

"Come on, Hutch, we're almost there. You crazy! I should have cuffed you and taken you to the hospital last night!"

Starsky was terrified but totally calm. He laid Hutch on the passenger seat and the Torino wheeled away, all sirens wailing.

In the waiting room of the County General Hospital Starsky couldn't sit down. He was pacing around like a caged lion.

They had arrived two hours earlier, and Hutch was rushed to the emergency room. Since then, no one had told him anything. His eyes were locked on the door through which they had taken his friend and as soon as a nurse appeared, he almost jumped at her.

"Is he gonna be ok? It's been two hours and I still don't know what's going on!"

"Who?" asked the young nurse.

She was a pretty brunette with light green eyes and long, straight hair. Under other circumstances, Starsky would have played his most charming tricks on her.

"My partner! Detective Kenneth Hutchinson."

"Well, I don't know… I guess he's been transferred to surgery."

Starsky must have seemed utterly dejected as the nurse immediately added, "Look, I'm gonna find out about your friend." She smiled empathetically.

Starsky just nodded and started pacing again. He looked at his watch and finally decided to call the station.

The nurse soon came back with a middle-aged man who looked like a doctor.

"Mr. Starsky? I'm Dr. Ross. I've examined your friend, Mr. Hutchinson. He was caught in a fight yesterday, correct?"

"No. It was an arrest. We are policemen. He's my partner."

"Right," resumed the doctor as if the clarification didn't make any sense to him.

"There was an internal bleeding, but we caught it on time. Your partner's in surgery right now. Splenectomy."

"Excuse me?" said Starsky, feeling clueless.

"His spleen has been ruptured and needs to be removed, but unless there are unexpected complications, he should be alright. You brought him in right on time. A couple of hours later and it would have been very complicated."

Starsky blew his cheeks in relief but then a doubt came through his mind and he questioned, "You're gonna replace it somehow?"

The doctor smiled weirdly.

"No. See, you can perfectly live without a spleen. You may be more subject to infections and viruses so we're gonna put him on antibiotics for a while and teach him to recognize symptoms…"

"When can I see him?"

"Not for another two or three hours. It would be better if you come back later in the afternoon. He won't wake up until then."

Starsky thanked the doctor and gently kissed the young nurse on the cheek. He felt a little better since he knew Hutch would be fine but still couldn't forgive himself for not insisting that his partner had his injury fully checked.

He finally decided to report in to Dobey.

PART THREE

It had been three days now that Hutch was recovering at County General and Starsky went every evening to check on his partner. Hutch still had some way to go as living without a spleen required some precautions, but things were looking good and Starsky was quite glad this incident forced his fidgety friend to rest.

Today was a special day as it was Hutch's birthday. Captain Dobey wanted to pay him a visit for the occasion. They bought new house plants for his collection and Huggy was supposed to come by with an organic carrot cake, Hutch's favorite.

When Starsky and Dobey stepped into the room, Hutch bandages were being checked by a young green-eyed nurse and she was scolding him for trying to remove his IV full of antibiotics and pain medications.

Hutch had hated needles since he was strung out on heroin by Forrest the year before and he was trying to negotiate for pills in substitution of his IV.

She was chuckling at Hutch's teases and seemed quite charmed by the blonde detective.

"Hey! She's my nurse!" objected Starsky at the scene.

"Oh, you two know each other?" said Hutch.

"Of course! We met three days ago and…"

"And her name is?" teased Hutch, knowing full well Starsky had no clue.

"Well, hum, you are Debbie, no Stephanie … oh no, Sarah! That's it?"

Hutch burst out in laughter and quickly regretted it as his left side was still hurting.

"Ok, Juliet, let me introduce you to my partner, David Starsky. Starsk, here's Juliet Spencer. She takes really good care of me."

"Oh, I know who you are," said Juliet mischievously, looking right into Starsky's eyes.

Hutch exchanged glances with Starsky, and both smiled widely.

Juliet left the room and almost bumped into Huggy who was just arriving.

"Now we have a quorum," Starsky announced. "We're all here today, 'cause it's the day my favorite partner is knocking another year and losing more hair… Happy birthday, Hutch!"

"Favorite partner? You mean ONLY partner!" refuted Hutch.

"Not true! Unfortunately for me, Captain Dobey just assigned me a new partner today." Starsky glanced at Dobey hoping his confession before the injured partner would lead the big black man to reconsider his decision.

"What?" uttered Hutch in disbelief. "Why, Captain?"

"Knock it off, Hutch! It's temporary until you get better," barked Dobey.

"But I'll be out in four days!" Hutch argued.

"And the doctor said you need another four to six weeks recovery," interrupted the captain.

"And this time, we want you to stick to it!" Starsky added. "You will have plenty of time to take care of your plants and by the way, here's some new ones to keep you busy."

With a large grin, the curly haired detective dropped a box on the bed containing several varieties of succulents.

"Since you spend most of your time out of your apartment - namely at the hospital," teased the blonde's partner, "they told me these plants don't need much watering."

"Happy birthday, Hutch!" cheered the three men in unison.

Huggy added, "And my chef's prepared this organic carrot cake just for you!"

Hutch grinned widely and seemed genuinely touched at the attention, knowing how much Starsky hated carrot cake.

Visiting time was about to end and Huggy had to go open the Pits while Dobey was expected for dinner by his wife. Only Starsky, who was slumped in the armchair facing Hutch's bed, seemed to belong there, not willing to move.

"Oh, I almost forgot," said Dobey, at the door. "This letter came to the station for you. It seems important so I thought you'd like to have it now. It's from Elizabeth Hutchinson. Family?"

At the mention of the name, Hutch's face darkened. Without bothering to answer the question, he took the letter, turned it in his hands and put it under his pillow.

Dobey and Huggy left without noticing the shift in the room's atmosphere but Starsky did. They were now alone and remained silent for a long moment.

Hutch was looking away at the window, seemingly lost in his thoughts, lips tight and jaw clenched. Starsky could feel the tension in his friend's body and finally rose up to come closer to his bed.

"You're not opening it? It's from your sister, right?" he asked softly.

Hutch just nodded in reply and tried to avoid his pal's gaze. The crease in his forehead deepened and his once colored cheeks were now pale again.

"How come she wrote to the station?"

"I didn't give her my address…" said Hutch sternly.

"Wanna talk about it?" tried Starsky.

"Look it's late, Starsk. You probably have a date tonight and if not, I think Juliet fancies you. She's off in less than an hour… Come on, get out of here! I'm tired, I think I'm gonna crash soon."

Starsky reluctantly walked to the door and, as he turned around looking for a way to break his friend's reserve, he noticed his light blue eyes were filled with sadness. He motioned towards him, but Hutch stopped him.

"Goodnight, Starsk! Thanks for the birthday. See you tomorrow."

The whole day, Starsky's mind was preoccupied with the conversation he had with Hutch at the hospital, or more precisely, the conversation they didn't have.

He knew his partner well enough to see how distraught he was, and he didn't like it. Making conjectures drove him crazy. He was firmly decided to unlock Hutch's secret as soon as possible.

Luckily, the day had been eventless, some hookers to question about a new crook in town, a part-time dealer arrested and that was about it.

Detective Collins, who knew Starsky and Hutch long enough to witness their indestructible bond, noticed that his new partner's mind wasn't on his work and offered to fix the report alone.

Starsky didn't have to be told twice and raced back to the hospital.

When he arrived at County General, he went right to the third floor, finding his way through the various corridors, waving to several nurses as if he worked there and walked straight into Hutch's room without noticing the door was open.

The bed was empty, arranged as if nobody ever slept there and no personal belongings could be seen. He checked the bathroom and the closet. Empty.

As he exited the room to the reception, he bumped into Juliet.

"Juliet? Where's my partner? Where's Hutch?"

"Oh, I thought you knew? He left this morning."

"What? But he was supposed to stay until the end of the week!" said Starsky without realizing he was almost shouting.

"Well, he signed a discharge and just left. He said he had important things to do."

"And you let him leave?" interjected Starsky incredulously.

"Well, we can't retain people against their will. We're not the police despite what you may be thinking," replied Juliet quite irritated by the accusing tone.

Starsky took off as fast as he arrived and went on to check Hutch's apartment. His friend wasn't there but he found a pad near the telephone. He could guess from the print left on the previous sheet that someone had written a flight number.

"Look Captain! Hutch's in trouble, I know that! I just need three days off to go check," pleaded Starsky.

"I don't know why you're making a fuss of it, Starsky," replied Dobey. "He's received a letter from his sister. Probably a family affair and decided to fly to Duluth to meet her. I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Without telling anyone? Without telling ME? Four days after having his spleen removed? It must be pretty urgent, don't you think? Please Captain," Starsky begged.

"If you knew him the way I do, you'd know there's something wrong!"

Dobey looked confused and scratched his head. There was work piling up and he already had one of his best detectives out, allowing the second one to leave wasn't a simple decision. At the same time, he knew better than anyone that Starsky's instinct often proved to be right, especially when it comes to his blond partner.

"Ok, I take your name off the roster! Three days and not more. I want you back here Monday morning, ready for duty!"

"I will, Cap!" said Starsky confidently.

PART FOUR

When Hutch landed at Duluth International Airport, he wasn't feeling well, not only because of the dull pain on his left side, but also because the weight that grew in his chest from the moment he decided to come back home kept him from breathing easily.

He took a cab to East Superior Street to drop his suitcase at the hotel before heading towards the Old Main Park.

The landscape and buildings hadn't changed and at each corner, memories flew back in his mind as if they were freed after being kept locked away for so long.

His head was pounding. He fumbled into his pocket, retrieved a tube of painkillers and slid the pills into his mouth in one movement. He dry swallowed maybe two or three of them without counting.

The cab went along the North shore, and the cool air coming from Lake Superior helped his breathing. It stopped on East 5th Street, in front of an imposing red-brick and white-stone house from the early 20th century that some may call a mansion.

Hutch let his eyes stray around the surrounding area and was surprised that so little had changed in a decade.

Hutch was now standing before the front gate, hesitant. He rang the bell, but it didn't seem to work. The gate was open. He stepped in, crossed the yard, got around the fountain and threw a glance at the back of the house, overlooking the park, where he could imagine the stunning views of the lake.

He paused at the door, short of breath as if he had run a mile. His blonde hair, disheveled by the wind, was curling up around his face and his feverish eyes seemed bluer than usual. He took a deep breath that caused him to wince and knocked at the door.

A young woman with long golden locks opened while shouting back at invisible kids.

"Oh my God, Ken! I didn't expect you to come… I mean I'm so glad you're here!"

She was so excited that she dropped the basket of fruit she had in her hand. Hutch leant forward to help her pick the fruits up but couldn't conceal a groan of pain at his sudden move.

"Are you ok? You look tired. Oh my God, I can't believe it after all these years! Come in!"

Hutch stepped into the impressive hallway that he knew rose up to twenty feet above, but he couldn't look up. He felt kind of groggy maybe from the medicine or from his pounding heartbeat. The warm welcome wasn't at all what he expected after years apart.

He mumbled an excuse.

"The trip was long and the flight was hard on my back. I'm no longer twenty."

Elizabeth was a pretty lean woman with an engaging smile, very similar in look to her brother, except for her strawberry blonde hair and darker blue eyes.

"Rose! Harry! Come meet with your uncle Ken!"

Hutch was taken aback; he didn't expect to meet the kids and feared his own emotions. He had only seen pictures of them as babies and wondered how they would react to their absent uncle.

Rose, six, and Harry, eight, were friendly and polite but stayed hidden behind their mother, only hugging their uncle when being asked.

At the contact of the two pairs of little arms around his neck, Hutch felt a lump in his throat and tears started to fill his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't bring anything…" said Hutch, suddenly ashamed.

"You came. That's your present!" interrupted Elizabeth. "Look, John should be here soon and you're going to stay for dinner. You are so skinny! I have a wonderful cook, you know!"

Hutch had to admit he surely wasn't at his best, having eaten less than a full meal in three days and slept maybe two hours in the last couple of nights.

"Where are you staying? There's plenty of room here as you know, and you can still sleep in your own bedroom although it has been converted into a guest bedroom…"

The young woman was obviously nervous and could barely refrain from asking the many questions that were piling up in her head for so many years.

"Where do you live? Are you married? Kids?" She paused. "Where have you been all these years, Ken? Why did you never write home?" she burst out crying.

Hutch couldn't utter a word, neither dared he move fearing that his legs would give in under him. He just raised his arms and Elizabeth came closer to snuggle into them. He rubbed her back while tears rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably.

They stayed there a moment, immobile, before the blonde cop was able to recollect himself.

"I can't stay," he finally said. "I came here 'cause you said mother was dying… I just want to talk to her then I'm heading back."

"What about me? What about us?" cried Lizzie, pushing herself out of her brother's arms and moving towards her children.

"Father's not there anymore, there's no reason for you to run away. We have nothing to do with what happened between you and him! You dropped out of College and left without any explanation or address to write to. Almost ten years, Ken! All these years, I've lost my big brother and don't even know why. Now you're here and you already want to leave? Tell me WHY?"

She was talking louder and louder and the children started to cry. She leant down to her son and whispered something that Hutch couldn't hear but Harry took his sister by the arm and they both disappeared.

"I can't …" Hutch pleaded. "Just tell me in which hospital she is, Lizzie, and let me go…" His lips were distorted in despair.

Elizabeth shook her head to say no. This time she wouldn't allow him to disappear without a fight. She knew him well enough to see his hesitation.

"You're hurt! I'm hurt! You have the answers, Ken, so help me understand!"

Hutch's shoulders were shaken by tears and he couldn't raise his gaze from his shoes.

"Please…" he weakly whispered but she didn't give up.

He moved back to the door with her on his steps, paused a moment to collect all the strength left in his weakened body and ran out of the house.

He could hear her cry out his name as he moved away. He felt nauseated, his body aching but his mind even more…

PART FIVE

Walking on Hutch's trail in his hometown, had Starsky filled with a mix of curiosity and shame. He was eager to discover these places his best friend had described a few times, the streets he had wandered, the lakes he had sailed, the hills he had sleighed on during the wintertime…

He knew Hutch would despise him for spying on him, but he couldn't keep from thinking he would be needed at some point.

Being worried didn't alter Starsky's aptitudes and he had studiously planned several appointments before his arrival. The first one was at Hutch's high school. From there he would surely get an address to start with.

When Starsky entered the main hall of the Duluth North Shore High School that morning, he knew it wasn't an average school, everything here screamed excellence, order and rigor.

He was reading the names on the Honor Roll when a middle-aged woman came to him.

"Detective Starsky, I presume?"

"Yes, ma'am," showing her his badge. "Thank you for taking the time… Kenneth Hutchinson and I met at the Police Academy, but I haven't heard from him in years. Now, since I'm in Duluth, I thought I may pay him a visit," lied Starsky.

"I don't think he came back here. I haven't seen him since he left for College."

Then after a pause, she went on, "I've never thought he would become a policeman. He wanted to be a doctor…"

"How ironic," Starsky thought.

"…and he had everything to succeed. A straight-A student, one of the best we had. He's on here, you know, she said looking at the Honor Roll on the wall. His track field record remains unbeaten to this day… I don't know what happened."

She suddenly stopped, realizing she might seem a bit judgmental.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound... hum… We also need cops!"

Starsky weakly smiled:

"Do you have an address where I could maybe go check?"

"Sure. The address is still the same. His family still lives there. They own one of the biggest manufacturing factories in town so there's no way they would leave. Mr. Hutchison senior died a few years ago, Kenneth was raised to take over the whole thing… Now it's his brother-in-law who manages their business."

Starsky was astonished. He never knew that about his friend. Some of Hutch's allusions let him guess his people were upper middle class but wealthy and mighty was nothing that Hutch ever mentioned. So, the dented-car-organic-food-plants lover that he shared his life with all these years was actually a preppie?

He thanked the lady and proceeded to go check the address she gave him.

So far, the investigation was easier than he expected.

When he pulled in with his rented car in front of the East 5th Street mansion, Starsky wasn't quite sure what he came for. He felt stupid. He couldn't just ring at the door and ask for Hutch who was probably having lunch with his family.

The property was huge and absolutely not the kind of place Starsky had pictured his buddy growing up in. He felt somehow disappointed that the only guy in the world he was convinced to know everything about was actually a mystery. His twin soul, closer than his own brother still kept secrets from him…

"Why, Hutchinson, did you give all this up to become a cop? A rebellious act against your father? Then why not come back and reclaim your due after his death? After all you went through, the violence and the filth, you couldn't be preferring that to an easier life?"

A feeling of betrayal started to grow in Starsky's head. He shook it off.

No. There must have been a reason… He couldn't be so wrong about his best friend, but he was now questioning his own protective instinct.

Maybe he was a bit quick to draw conclusions? Maybe what he thought was sadness in Hutch's eyes, was just apprehension to finally come home after all these years?

Starsky decided he should better go to his next appointment at the Duluth sheriff's office.

Adam Bergman had been the sheriff's deputy for about two years now and he was quite surprised when David Starsky, who he had met in the Army's training camp, called him up for a drink.

They hadn't spoken in years! He wondered what it was all about.

Starsky himself wasn't quite sure anymore what Adam actually looked like.

While looking for someone at the sheriff's office that could feed him information about the Hutchinson family, he found out that Adam and he were in the same training camp years ago. They probably even shared the same bunkhouse.

It was his firm intention to play with nostalgia in order to get what he needed but he was walking on eggshells, he thought.

"Hi, I'm David Starsky!"

It was somehow easy to identify Adam Bergman in the bar although Starsky couldn't remember any of the man's features: he was on duty wearing his uniform.

"Oh, Starsky? Now I remember you!" said Adam cheerfully as soon as their eyes met.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You were the hot-headed one. I quite admired you!"

"Well, I'm flattered!"

"So, you're a Detective now? We've chosen the same path!" and without waiting for the answer, he added, "I didn't know you were friends with Kenneth Hutchinson. The world's small indeed!"

Adam was actually eager to talk. He had always looked up to Starsky back in his younger years although the dark-haired cop had probably never noticed him.

"We went to the same school you know… I mean junior school… 'Cause afterwards we were not exactly in the same league if you know what I mean. Never thought a guy like him would become a cop... Although he was a really tough guy for sure."

Starsky remarked: "Strange, you're the second person to tell me that today."

It was lunch time, so the bar was quite busy, and nobody really paid attention to the two men.

"Do you wanna eat something?" asked Adam. "I recommend the Swedish meatballs, they're to die for!"

"Ok, go for the Swedish meatballs! Can you tell me if Ken Hutchinson is still in town?"

"What? I didn't know he was back. He left years ago and never been heard of since… He had some issues I believe."

"With his father, I guess. He told me about that," Starsky admitted.

"With his father and other things…" added Adam quite mysteriously.

He came closer to Starsky and murmured, "Look, I shouldn't be telling you that. People around here are not allowed to talk about it but since Mr. Hutchinson is now dead and times have changed, I can tell you, this family has some skeletons in the closet… My father worked at the Hutchinson's factory all his life. He had flirted some time with their live-in housekeeper, and he had always told me he knew why Ken ran away."

"And?"

"And he never told me anything until his last breath…"

Starsky's hopes were crashed.

"The housekeeper? Do you know her name? Is she still around?"

"Yeah, she is. I think her name was Susan Blackfield … no Backfield, that's it!"

PART SIX

It wasn't very hard for Hutch to locate the hospital where his mother was. There weren't that many cancer institutes in Duluth and a few phone calls were enough to find out.

He had wondered all night whether he should go and confront her or just leave things as they were and return to Bay City, before definitive harm was done to the life he had spent so many years building and balancing.

He was exhausted, out of painkillers and still couldn't eat a solid meal since his stomach was so tight. He was a mess.

He felt frustrated, angry and confused but somehow, he couldn't let go. He needed to clear this big cloud that had shaded his life this past decade…

When he entered the dim room where an old woman was lying attached to several tubes and monitors, he first thought he got into the wrong room until he finally recognized the delicate features of her face.

There was very little left of the haughty woman he knew. She was frail and must have barely weighed a hundred pounds. The nurse had told Hutch they were just maintaining her as comfortably as possible, keeping her from pain but there wasn't much hope left. Indeed, it was now a matter of days.

She wasn't conscious often, but it was possible to talk to her when she was.

Hutch took a seat close to the bed and carefully held her hand.

"Barbara? Barbara? It's Kenneth. I'm back."

No reaction.

He waited there immobile, conflicting thoughts swirling in his head. He wanted to run away but at the same time couldn't detach his eyes from the dying woman.

How long was he there? An hour? Maybe two? His ribs were on fire, his stomach cramping from being empty or from the stress, he couldn't tell, and a pounding headache gave his eyes a feverish look, deepening the crease between his brows.

Two nurses entered the room to monitor the IVs and gave him a glance of empathy and concern.

The last one, a young nurse in her twenties, the girl-next-door but cute in some way kept going in and out of the room for any reason, smiling at Hutch.

The blonde cop was indeed stunning even when sick and one could tell she was charmed by his vulnerable look.

She took the opportunity to speak to him when Hutch was grimacing from his aching middle.

"Are you in pain? Is there something I can do for you?"

Hutch didn't really want to talk to anyone, especially about his recent splenectomy but since he felt so lousy, he figured out she could at least help him a bit.

"Would you happen to have an aspirin? My head is killing me."

"Of course," she replied with a large smile. "We're in a hospital!" She soon returned with the pills.

"At least, the headache would be gone soon," thought Hutch.

He waited several more minutes by his mother's side and was about to give up. He was already at the door when the old woman stirred weakly.

"Ken?"

"Yes, I'm here," Hutch numbly replied.

"I know why you're here," she said. "I was dreading this moment ever since you left."

Hutch went back to the bed for her to see his face.

A single tear rolled at the corner of his eyes without him even noticing it. She raised her hand trying to wipe it, but he turned away.

"You found out, didn't you? That's why you left?"

Hutch nodded.

"I found the diary. My lousy father kept it in the safe, in his office. How could you have lied to me all these years? When did you plan to tell me? If you ever wanted to…"

His eyes were glistening with tears.

"Do you know how much she had suffered? I've read every bit of it! You and father drove her crazy! You owe me the truth now BARBARA!"

The old woman tossed in her bed, shook her head in denegation and collected her last strength to reply.

"No! I had nothing to do with it! Your mother was a depressive, right after your birth, she couldn't get over it! Your father had had enough… I was young, I was in love… "

Hutch couldn't believe his ears. All his body was shaking.

The woman he once thought was his mother and loved him somehow was still trying to disguise the truth.

"Stop lying! I know everything! She's consigned every minute of her struggles in her diary. How do you want me to live with that? She trusted you! You were her friend and you let her down! That's the truth, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry, Ken… I can't rewrite the past," the old woman finally admitted. "But I raised you like my son…"

"A son you left to his mercy!" interrupted Hutch. "How I hated you for that! I couldn't understand why Lizzie was so loved and not me… Then everything became clear, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

He was so tired now he could barely stand straight and had to lean against the wall to avoid collapsing.

"Forgive me…," the woman he once called mother muttered weakly.

Starsky managed to trace Susan Backfield to the South of Duluth, in a modest neighborhood with bleached-colored houses.

She welcomed him in her kitchen and offered a cup of coffee. She was warm and seemed quite relieved when Starsky told her the reason for his visit, as if she had been waiting for this moment to happen someday and the day had now come.

"What do you want to know?" she asked and without waiting for the answer.

"You know, the old Mr. Hutchinson paid me to keep my mouth shut but I guess nobody cares anymore… How is Kenneth doing? This poor child was such a gentle kid, always willing to please everyone, his father particularly. He had it rough…"

Starsky, who took a seat in front of her, looked into her eyes and smiled.

"I'm here to help him get better. He's closer to me than a brother…"

"But he never told you about his mother…" interrupted Susan.

"I know she's sick. Cancer. And she's treated at the Central Hospital." Starsky had found out during his investigations.

"You know nothing then…" she interrupted, looking right into Starsky's blue eyes. "Kenneth's mother died when he was three."

Starsky was stunned. He had built many scenarios these last days but didn't expect anything like that.

His heart sank for his buddy and deep inside he was cursing God for all the crap He kept pouring on the only guy on earth he really cared for.

The old woman kept on talking as if a weight was being lifted off her shoulders in doing so.

"She was beautiful with her blonde curly hair and intense blue eyes, a true lady. Her name was Kirsten. Ken is a lot like her. She was empathetic, very kind to me and all the people who worked for her. I don't know what Mr. Hutchinson found in the other woman but soon after his wife gave birth, he had an affair. They didn't even try to hide it. He got her an apartment in town, bought her fancy things and even took her on vacations. Mrs. Hutchinson was left alone with her son and became depressed. She tried to leave him, but he wouldn't let her. Once he even got the police to bring her back cuffed! He told everyone his wife was crazy and he was considering having her admitted…" Susan paused, served herself another cup of coffee and offered another one to Starsky.

Starsky was quiet, wondering how Hutch could have kept all this for himself for so many years and, as he was thinking things couldn't get uglier, Susan resumed her story.

"Kirsten knew everything, but she had nowhere to go. Everyone in town was afraid of Mr. Hutchinson. He employed so many people. I think at some point she felt trapped and couldn't find any other escape than ending it the way she did…"

"What? You mean she killed herself?" gasped Starsky, incredulously.

Susan nodded and almost choking she added, "She hanged herself in the hall of their house… She jumped from the balustrade. The little boy found her…" Susan couldn't hold back her tears.

Starsky's heart jumped out of his chest.

"You mean Hutch, hum, Ken found her?"

The old woman hid her face with her hands. "Poor little boy! I hope he doesn't remember anything. I pray to God he doesn't remember… Ken was such a gentle boy… Mr. Hutchinson married his mistress less than three months after his wife's funeral and they never told Ken who her mother was. I guess he finally found out, that's why he disappeared…"

Starsky was panting, eyes wide open, trying to process the information. The only thing he could think of was Hutch's distress.

He finally unveiled his pal's most intimate secret but was now afraid of what was coming next.

How on earth could he help Hutch go through such trauma? How has he been able to live with this horrific secret and never be confident enough in their friendship to share it?

The dark-haired cop could figure out the solitude, the emptiness and the fear his partner must have felt at times. Many times.

The punitive habits, the constant need for physical exertion and permanent mental tension, everything became clear now…

Hutch probably came back looking for a confrontation and maybe to try to put an end to his misery. Starsky had to find him. Sooner or later, his friend would need him.

When Starsky arrived at St John Hospital, he had to use his most charming smile to convince the nurse at the reception to give him Mrs. Hutchinson's room number.

He ran through the corridors as if his partner's life were at stake, his heart beating faster and faster but when he approached the room, his pace got slower and he paused at the closed door.

He knocked but nobody answered. He guessed Barbara Hutchinson was unconscious and cautiously opened the door.

Hutch was there, facing the door, leaning against the wall, paler than a ghost. His ocean blue eyes were filled with tears and when he raised his head to look into Starsky's eyes, the curly-haired cop felt as if the world had collapsed. The pain on his partner's face seemed unbearable.

Hutch didn't seem angry or even surprised to see his friend. He just seemed exhausted and beaten, sobbing silently and swaying dangerously.

"Forgive me…" repeated the woman in the bed.

Only the beeps of the monitors filled the air.

Hutch remained silent and Starsky could see his inner struggles. His buddy's lips were trembling, fists so clenched that blood seemed absent from them and his body looked even leaner than usual.

The blond cop let himself slide down the wall and sat on the floor, his legs not able to carry him anymore. Tears ran down his face while he shook his head in denegation, looking at his feet.

How could he forgive the unforgivable?

Starsky moved to his side and without a word threw his arms around his buddy, squeezing his shoulders in comfort. Hutch's tears rolled even faster on his cheeks and he burst out crying like a child.

"It's ok, buddy. Let it all out."

Starsky could feel how thin his partner had become in a few days and promised himself to never let him skip a meal again.

They stayed there on the floor for a long moment, in each other's arms, helpless.

Finally, Starsky stood and pulled Hutch up, letting him lean against the wall. He took his friend's face in his hands and forced him to look at the woman on the bed.

"You have to forgive her, Hutch! Do it for yourself. Not for anyone else. Not even for me…"

Hutch looked at him bewildered, his eyes bluer than ever and the blond curls around his face wet with tears.

"Come on, you feel better afterwards. I promise." Starsky was shuffling the back of his partner's hair in encouragement.

Slowly, weakly, in an atonal voice, Hutch whispered, "I forgive you…"

Starsky hugged him as if they were one and whispered, "Things will be alright now! I'm here buddy! You're not alone. You'll never be alone again..."

EPILOGUE

The funeral service was grandiose and solemn.

The Hutchinson family, all dressed up for the ceremony, was the perfect picture of the gentry at its best: the kids in their matching outfits, Elizabeth molded in a black dress with her strawberry blonde hair attached in a bun, leaving only some wicks around her perfect face, her husband a tall, handsome, strong looking man at one side and Hutch at the other side, who, in comparison to the heavier man, looked particularly vulnerable.

The blond cop was stunningly beautiful with his golden locks, shiny blue eyes and lean body, emphasized by the black suit, black tie and white shirt he wore.

The audience was obviously impressed by the family's perfection and most people wore a look of affectation, more worried about the image they were presenting of themselves than saddened by the loss of a loved one.

Samuel Barber's Adagio played by a string ensemble enforced the solemnity of the moment.

Hutch was longing for the service to end. He did his best to support his sister, his niece and nephew in their grief and to the viewers, he seemed to grieve too, with the reserve and dignity people always had known him for.

Only Starsky could see his friend's shaky legs and he was constantly one step behind ready to step in whenever he was needed. The dark-haired cop wished his partner would have skipped the funeral which was only two weeks after the confrontation at the hospital, but his buddy insisted on flying back to attend.

Starsky had tried to convince his partner that subjecting himself to another stressful situation so soon wasn't really a good idea but in the face of Hutch's stubbornness, the curly-haired cop could only comply and tag along.

When the casket was finally lowered into the grave, he saw Hutch flinch and put a reassuring arm over his shoulder.

Finally, the service came to an end.

"Are you sure you can't stay for the gathering at least?" asked Lizzie.

"I really can't!" said Hutch gently, relieved to have completed his duty but not able to cope with more pretenses. "But you and the kids can come visit me during next school vacations."

"We will!" replied Lizzie full of hope.

Rose and Harry still teary about the loss their grandmother came closer and each one grabbed their uncle's hands and with excitement, they questioned: "Will you take us camping in the woods? Tracking bears?"

Hutch smiled. "I will. But the bears will track us, not the other way 'round!"

Harry nodded with satisfaction and Rose added in her childish innocence, "Today's a sad day 'cause grandma is not with us anymore, but you know what? I'm happy because now I have an uncle!" and she threw her arms around Hutch's waist until he knelt down to hug them both.

Lizzie also had a large smile on her face as she kissed her brother goodbye.

When they turned around to take their cab to the airport, Starsky muttered, "Aren't you going to tell her?"

"In due time and not on the Hutchinson's fiefdom. Besides what could I tell her?" Hutch whispered, more to himself. "That we don't have the same mother? Who cares? She's my sister and will always be. I love her and I love you, buddy! Thanks for coming here with me!"

They both smiled at each other and nothing else mattered anymore.