AN: I uploaded this story a while back but deleted it as I wasn't happy with it, I've since edited it a little bit and here we are.

Thanks to Cassie ( DarveyPainted) for giving me the nudge to get it back up here.

Confident. That was probably the first word that would pop into the head of anyone asked to describe Donna Paulsen. Her self esteem was something she had worked on since being a child dreaming of fame on the stage, it may come as a surprise to most but it had never come naturally to her. Donna was always internalizing her insecurities, she had the same self doubt as everyone else. That negative voice in her ear only pushed her to be better, do better and work harder.

The past few months with Harvey had been amazing, she had never felt so special. She was literally the center of his universe, it was a feeling she would never get tired of. Being in love. But once the inevitable happened and the daily grind took over and their relationship wasn't so new anymore her confidence started to waiver. This wasn't her first rodeo, she knew that is what happened in relationships, it was all hearts and flowers, morning sex and hushed late night phone calls until the novelty wore off, work got in the way, stress levels were raised again and life just carried on.

When Harvey was under stress he shut off his emotions, he could be hard to read and that alone gave her anxiety. It always had. But now the walls he put up meant she wasn't entirely sure what was going on not just with business but with him, his feelings, his thoughts and that left her spinning. It wasn't a place she was used to being. Even as his secretary she always knew what was going on, the reason for his clipped tone or bad mood would be obvious to her thanks to the intercom system in his office, he didn't mind that. It had saved him ever having to apologize to her, which is why he had never learnt how to turn it off. She arranged his schedule, his appointments, his life so she knew exactly what to expect from him on a daily basis.

Now things were different, she wasn't involved in that side of things anymore. She didn't know if his bad mood was down to her, something she had said or done. She had her own business to take care of, she had asked for more and she had gotten it in every sense of the word but that didn't mean she didn't miss being in sync with Harvey in the easy way they had been for nearly fourteen years. Their relationship was different now, she couldn't have it all and besides it probably wasn't healthy. That being said she couldn't understand why this feeling had been creeping up in her chest for the past few weeks, she had kept it at bay with long days at work and large glasses of wine helping her sleep. But these past few days she hadn't been able to stay asleep for longer than a few hours, she was notoriously a deep sleeper and definitely not a morning person, but at the moment her mornings began around 3 am whether she liked it or not. She had been hiding it from Harvey, sneaking off to the sofa to read a book until about 6 am when she would slip back into bed ready for his alarm to go off. He hadn't seemed to notice she was a lot easier to wake up these days.

She was staring blankly at the keyboard of her laptop when he appeared at her door, a burger and salad box in hand. She looked up almost guilty as if he could read her thoughts. Nope, just me that can do that.

"Hey, I brought you this for lunch." Harvey said as he placed down the salad. He lent over the desk, placed a quick kiss on her cheek and left. She nearly burst into tears there and then. Salad? What was that supposed to mean? Why did he get to eat burgers and assume she wanted a salad? Yes she may have been telling him last week how she wanted to start eating healthier again and go back to her yoga class but that didn't give him the right..

"Okay, calm down Paulsen." she muttered to herself, closed her eyes and took three deep breaths. She pushed her chair away from the desk feeling a little dizzy as she stood up too quickly, grabbed the salad and made her way to the kitchen. She knew it was completely irrational but she couldn't face eating right now, she hid the salad in the refrigerator although there was no chance Harvey would ever venture into the kitchen anyway. She topped up her coffee and went back to work, hoping busying herself with her pile of work would take her mind off this horrible feeling in her chest.

The hours passed quickly enough once she got stuck into her work, she was just waiting for a reply to her email then she would be wrapping up for tonight. She hadn't seen Harvey all day, he had mentioned he was in for a busy day and she wasn't even sure if he was still in the office. Don't be an idiot, he wouldn't just leave without saying anything she thought to herself. The ping of her inbox broke her negative thought pattern and she quickly pressed print and shut down her laptop. For some reason she couldn't fathom she felt nervous about going home.

Her stomach growled and she realizes she never did eat that salad, in fact she skipped breakfast too and now she feels pretty weak. She hadn't got chance to refill her coffee since lunch time so her caffeine levels were also at an all time low. Maybe Harvey would cook her something tonight, although she couldn't think of anything she wanted to eat. The anxiety she had felt all day turning off her appetite despite her stomach's protest. She slowly walked down the hall on shaky legs to Harvey's office, hoping he was ready to go as she suddenly felt quite weak. He was on the phone but waved her in when he saw her at his closed door.

"I told you we'd make this merger happen, Stan. You should know by now you can rely on me to make it happen." Harvey rolled his eyes at his own bullshit and smirked at her and continued his conversation on the phone. His eyes didn't leave her as she bypassed the leather couch across from his desk, at this point actually feeling quite unwell. Was it hot in here? Her pulse felt like it was racing. She stood by the window hoping the view would distract her, as if she was going to get some fresh air from the sealed windows. She placed her hot palms down on the cool window ledge in front of her and took some deep breaths, that had seemed to help earlier. She wasn't sure if she was going to pass out or throw up but the thought of doing either increased her anxiety levels through the roof. Black spots appeared in her vision and as she turned to ask Harvey for help she felt a weight plunge from her head down to her feet and before she knew it she was waking up on Harvey's office floor.

"Shit!" Harvey cursed and slammed the phone down. "Donna. Donna, Jesus Christ." He appeared at her side as she tried to get back on her feet. "Just hold on a second, you just passed out-" He was the one who was pale at this point, she had just scared the life out of him. He let her sit up against the wall beneath the window taking her face between his hands. "Are you alright?" Seeing the worry in his eyes was the final straw and she burst into tears, covering her face with her hands.

"What's going on, Donna?" He peeled her hands from her face and puller her into his arms, her hands clinging to his suit jacket, he could feel her trembling against him.

"I don't know." She repeated, feeling breathless and like she wanted to run away.

"Can you stand?" He stood first taking her hands in his and helping her back onto her feet, then crouching down to help her step out of her heels. "You're lucky you didn't break your ankle wearing these." He shook his head, replaying the image of her falling over and over in his mind. Annoyed he didn't see it coming and hang up the phone earlier. He sat her down on the leather couch and pulled out his phone. "I'll call Ray." Why is he annoyed with me? Donna's internal voice chirped again.

"No Harvey, it's late. We can catch a cab." He ignored her protest and dialed Ray anyway. "I might just go back to my place tonight." She couldn't face any questioning from him tonight, her flight instinct really kicking in now.

"Bullshit, Donna. I'm not leaving you alone tonight. Anyway all your stuff is at mine so we'll go back there." He looked at her incredulously, as if he couldn't believe she was suggesting such a thing. He handed her a glass of water and waited for Ray's text to let him know he was downstairs. She took small sips of water, the coolness feeling good down her throat and soothing her empty stomach. Fatigue hit and all she wanted was to be in bed with Harvey wrapped around her making her feel safe and wanted.

"He's here." Harvey appeared in front of her again. He pulled her up and helped her step back into her shoes knowing she wouldn't want to be seen without them. They walked hand in hand to the elevators and before she knew it they were in the back of the car on the way to Harvey's place. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, wondering what the hell had happened to send her over the edge today, this feeling wasn't something that was new to her but today it had spiraled out of control. Harvey's hand slid onto her knee and squeezed, he had never seen her so quiet on their ride home, she would usually be chatting away with Ray about his wife and daughters with genuine interest.

Ray looked in his rear view mirror, his eyes meeting with Harvey's as Donna appeared asleep on his shoulder.

"Everything alright, Harvey?" Ray asked with quiet concern.

"Rough day, that's all Ray." Harvey assured him, truth was he actually had no idea what was wrong but didn't think she would want to have that conversation here. Ray's eyes went back to the road and didn't speak again until they arrived at their destination.

"Thanks Ray, see you tomorrow."

Within the hour Donna was showered and under a blanket on the living room couch watching Harvey cook dinner for them. She had turned on the TV to break the silence but didn't have the energy to change the channel from whatever sports channel it was on. She felt calmer, but lethargic and definitely didn't have an appetite. They had yet to talk about anything that happened today and she could feel nervousness curling in her stomach as he neared finishing preparing their food. Knowing he would want to talk over dinner. Usually she lived for those conversations, they were often the highlight of her day with him. But today she didn't know what to say. She swallowed as nausea crept up her throat again at the smell coming from the kitchen, she slid further down the couch and turned onto her side under the blanket. Maybe if she slept now he would leave her alone and she wouldn't have to think of a reason she wasn't hungry.

Harvey was watching her though and called out to her, "Donna, you need to eat something-" She didn't respond and he put the two plates down on the dining table. "Don't make me come over there and get you.." He tried to joke to break the tension in the room. She stood up off the sofa, dizziness hitting her again. He eyed her in leggings and an over-sized Harvard hoody that was obviously his, her wet hair was bunned up high on her head - it wasn't how she would usually dress but he thought she looked beautiful anyway. She slumped down in the chair opposite him, sat on one leg like a sulky teenager and began twirling the pasta around her fork.

"Thank you for this, but I'm really not that hungry." She tested for his reaction. She honestly didn't think she could even stomach a single fork full. She sipped her water and put her fork down again, sitting back in her chair. "I'm sorry, Harvey."

He looked up from his own food, suddenly not feeling that hungry himself. "What's going on, Donna? You're starting to scare the shit out of me." He slammed his own fork down and that was enough to tip her over the edge again. Tears filled her eyes and she struggled to put what she was feeling into words.

"I honestly don't know." She croaked, "I can't sleep or eat, I have this feeling of dread in my stomach that won't go away. I don't even know what it's about - I just have this feeling that I'm losing you and - "

"What?! Donna - " He had never seen her so unsure of herself, the horrified look on his face broke her heart and she got up from the table and stumbled into his bedroom, leaning against the door frame to stop the world spinning but retreating to the bathroom before he could catch up with her, she locked the door behind her and wretched over the toilet bowl bringing up the water she had drank earlier and once she was done she sunk to the floor shaking.

Harvey knocked at the door after finding it locked, almost frantic. "Please Donna, let me help." She didn't have the strength to argue so she leaned over and flicked the lock. He burst in and scooped her off the floor, she did nothing but cling to his warmth and he carried her into their bed as all the pieces suddenly fit together and made sense to him.

"Listen to me it's an anxiety attack. You will feel better, it's just going to take time and I'll be right here, Donna." He clasped her cold hand in his and kissed it. "Know that I'm not going anywhere.. not ever. You're everything to me, okay?"

She didn't reply but she seemed to be absorbing his words. He thought how small she looked as she lay there pale and gaunt "Tell me you know that, Donna."

"I know."

A sense of relief washed over her as she realized he understood what she was going through. "I'm so sorry for acting crazy, Harvey. I know you've got enough stress at the firm." She reached a limp arm out to touch his face as he sat staring down at her.

"You're not crazy, it's a reaction to stress. You've got enough of your own to be worrying about me, Donna. Please promise me you're going to take it easy, at least for a few days." He clutched her hand to his chest. She nodded, her eyes closing as fatigue took over. He kissed her forehead and pulled the sheets up over her, worry set in his brow. He stood up to leave her to get some rest and clear up from their failed dinner but she didn't let go of his hand.

"Stay with me, just until I fall asleep." She croaked, hating how needy she was being but not wanting to get lost in her thoughts again in the silence. He turned on his heel and sat back down on the bed. One hand holding hers and the other stroking the hair off her face. "Keep talking to me." She smiled, picturing his face but unable to open her eyes to see it.

"What do you want me to talk about?" He smiled back at her and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. She didn't answer but he started anyway, his voice low and quiet in a way he reserved just for her.

"Ummm, okay. I had a call from Mike today, he said him and Rachel were thinking of coming to visit next month. I told the kid he just because he keeps turning up doesn't mean I'm going to make the mistake of hiring him again-" he laughed lightly and she lightly squeezed his hand in reply as she finally felt relaxed enough to drift off to sleep. "Rachel is going to call you with some dates, she wanted to make sure you would free to... I don't know, do whatever it is you two get up to. This time it would be good if we could all to go out for dinner together instead of Harriet Specter and who was it? Oh yeah, Michelle Ross." He paused making sure she had drifted off, "Good night, Donna. Don't you ever scare me like that again." He gently reached down and kissed her forehead before leaving to clear away the dishes from their failed dinner.

He knew from personal experience this was far from over but progress had been made tonight. They would be okay, that much he knew.

Thanks for reading.