Smoke chokes him and he can barely see through the aftermath of the explosion. His ears fill with the screams of the dying and soon-to-be dead. Grimacing, he lights his saber and begins the dark business of obliterating all traces of this Resistance cell.

Gods, he despises when it's children. He can justify any adult, but the young ones … he's never found a place for it and with each slice of his weapon, the guilt builds until he thinks he'll fall to his knees from the weight.

As he dispatches a girl with eyes like Rey's, he thrashes awake, looking around wildly before he remembers. Just after sunrise, he'd nodded off on Rey's settee, her hand still clasped in his and he begins to panic. Where's Rey! Does she know what he'd done? Would she turn from him forever?

But then he hears her voice singing from the kitchen. It's perfectly beautiful yet wonderfully off-key at the same time. It quiets the pounding in his chest, the shame and horror beginning to recede back to the place of nightmares where they always lurk.

He breathes in deeply; he knows how to center himself after his memories torture him. He certainly has enough practice.

With Rey, though, something inside him is shifting, quickly. The more time he spends with her, the longer she's part of his life, the more wrong everything feels. The memory of the girl who reminded him of Rey isn't leaving him like it should.

Rey … she's delving her hands into him and making something new and terribly old grow.

Oh, gods … he can't fathom anyone burying in deeper into his empty heart, and he wants to welcome it, beckon her in. He should leave and never come back, throw himself into his training, but he can't. Instead … could he …? Does he even know how to any longer?

Then she bursts back into the sitting room, with a tray of steaming treats and cups of caf that make his nose twitch. He's been running on that brew for far longer than he'd like to admit and he starts to stand to help her.

"I've got it!" she exclaims as she places it on the small table in front of the settee and he settles back down. Something has changed between them during this singular night, now that she'd touched him, let him touch her. He doesn't know what she's endured, not really, but he's sure it means something profound that she seems to want his touch. But would she if she knew what a monster he's made himself become?

There's a pile of berries, clearly found in the forest, and a massive mound of shrikeen eggs with a side of bantha sausage. He'd left her with a year of rations, but this … they aren't rations. She's clearly found the small settlement and begun to make herself comfortable with her new surroundings.

"How …?"

"Oh! I found the credits you left me, but the local village also trades, so I started foraging for berries and I learned to make baskets from the foliage. I wanted to save the credits. Just in case." There's a fear lurking behind her faltering smile and he wants to ask her what happened, how she ended up in Plutt's brothel. Why she needs to save, not believe he'd care for her. He stands, uncomfortable with her simply serving him. Needing to push back his own sins through action.

But in the light of day, the distance between them reasserts itself. He remembers he has no right to touch her with his blood-red hands and she seems to be pulling in on herself. He blinks down at her offering, knowing he needs to say something, do something but she's ebbing away from him with each moment of silence.

Then her face falls and he just about dies right there. "No! Please. You've done so well. I'm … I'm proud of you."

She looks away and he can see her fix a smile on her face, making his insides coil in apprehension. She's clearly grappling with something significant and he wonders … is she still afraid of him? She should be. If she knew what he'd done last night … she'd surely run away and never look back.

"Rey … are you frightened of me?" he asks recklessly, knowing the answer just might end him.

Her eyes fly to his and the terror he sees makes his guts churn. He wants to go to her, sweep her up in his arms, make her feel safe, but he knows he has no right to care for her like that, so he sits back down and looks up into her face with all of his adoration. He never knew he could be held on a knifepoint by someone's gaze.

"Please. Tell me," he begs. Put an end to his hope, send him away.

Then her face breaks and he's at an utter loss for what to do. She turns from him and her shoulders are shaking from how her sobbing wracks through her slender frame.

Not since he last made his mother cry has he been so frozen. But he's determined not to fail Rey the way he failed his family, so he cautiously moves behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I want to trust you," she whispers, not shaking off his touch. He frowns, knowing he should tell her what he really is.

But that doesn't stop him from promising lowly, "You can, I would never hurt you." He'd take his master's head before he'd see harm come to her. The thought makes him blink, but he stays focused on her.

She lets out a long breath and murmurs, "I know. Somehow, I've always known."

"Tell me … tell me what happened to you."

He's so stupid then, he tries to pull her into his arms and she recoils from him, her eyes wide with panic. She's across the room before he can even breathe and Force, he despises himself for giving into his need for her.

"I'm sorry!' he calls out.

But she's shaking so hard that he's not sure she's heard him, so he tries again, "Please, Rey, I only want you safe."

That seems to make her pause and her face turns to him for just a moment before she shifts away again.

Her voice is low and thick when she admits, "I don't remember what that feels like." She still won't face him, so he keeps his silence and simply waits.

Rey's shoulders slump as she says, "I … I want to tell you."

Somehow, for the first time in his life, he instinctively knows to hold his damned tongue and keep his hands to himself, so he just watches her.

She turns, so slowly, until he can see her hypnotic eyes, so full of pain, so full of life. "Will you sit with me while I tell you, hold my hand?"

For a far too long moment, he his eyes open and close rapidly. Is she truly asking for him to touch her after he blundered so badly? "You … you want that?" he asks, not understanding that he could be so blessed. Could his hands bring safety and not death? He's wanted that, perhaps before her eyes damned him, saved him, but he never allowed himself to think it possible.

"I … I'm not hiding from you," she admits. "You've only ever been good to me."

"That's not true," he rumbles, remembering how sharp he was when she was naked before him.

"You didn't want to be cruel. You just didn't know how not to be."

It's his turn to twist away from her. How can she see him so clearly? Then he feels those hands on his back and his head falls back as he swallows, looking at the ceiling. Oh gods, she's kneading those little fingers into him and he can only whimper.

"Sit with me," she pleads and he has no power against her, turning and taking her hands in his. She tugs him to her settee and they sit close. So close.

She squeezes his hands and breathes out, "Thank you."

He only just keeps from pulling her into his arms when he says, "Tell me, tell me what happened to you."

She takes in a shuddering breath and finally says, "My parents, they left me. They promised to come back for me."

Her voice is dead, and he can understand that they never did from how her hands cling to his.

"I was able to make it, for years, finding scavenge. Plutt would buy from me, keep me fed. I didn't … I didn't understand. I thought he was kind. But he was just waiting."

He wants to ask for what, but he knows, Plutt waited the way Snoke did. A well-worn voice in his head reminds him that his master saved him when he was set so adrift, but it doesn't feel so essential any longer.

Rey's voice is low and difficult to hear when she says, "He was the first." Then she pulls back and her frantic eyes find his. "I fought, I fought so hard!"

His heart, the heart she's surely bringing back to life, breaks in two and he holds her gaze firmly when he says, "I know." He can't imagine this vibrant warrior of a woman doing anything else.

Tears stream from her eyes as she recounts her horror. "I ran, I ran as far as I could. But … his men found me."

Now she starts to sob brokenly. "They didn't touch me. Said I was merchandise. I kept running away… but they always found me. I could never … I could never run fast enough."

"Shhh, shhh," he soothes even as he knows Plutt dies this day.

He can barely understand when she explains, "He-he-he said if I submitted, I'd be free in a year. Showed me the papers. That my parents sold me. But if I allowed them to … made them like it, I'd buy my freedom. I thought … a year." Her eyes find his and the bleakness tears into him so starkly.

"How many, Rey? Who do I have to kill for you?"

She sniffles loudly then looks away. "I'm not sure. He wouldn't let more than three men have me a night. Wanted to keep me special. It wasn't long before you came."

"Were they all from Jakku?" he growls and immediately regrets it from the way she shrinks from him.

Feeling her pull away is enough to make him go to his knees in front of her as he takes her hand again. "I promise you, I will destroy every man who has hurt you."

There's a glittering look of malice in her eyes that flares a feeling inside him he's never known. He recognizes this need for vengeance, and he knows he will be the one to give it to her. Grasping her hand more firmly, he requests, "Tell me, tell me what you want?"

Her other hand, trembling, reaches down and goes into his hair, carding through his locks. The tenderness in her touch makes his eyes sting and he knows he'd lay the entire galaxy at her feet if she'd only just ask.

There's a touch of awe in her gaze when she says, "You'd do that for me?"

"I would do anything for you," he admits, not at all surprised to find it's true. There's nothing he wouldn't build or destroy for her.

"They weren't all bad men. Some were even kind. But Plutt …" she trails off and through the Force he catches glimpses of what she'd endured.

He nods once, looking up into her beautiful face and she nods back.

Plutt won't see the sunrise.

Quietly, they'd eaten the breakfast she'd prepared and Kylo couldn't remember sharing a meal with anyone in … well, far too long. It was such a simple thing, and now he's pleasantly full. He's managed to push away the knowledge that he must leave her soon, but he really can't put it off any longer.

But when she scoots closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder, he allows himself a few more minutes.

Rey's hands straighten his cloak and he's forcibly pulled into a memory of his mother fixing his father's jacket before he'd leave. It hurts. He'd hated how his mother would cry when she thought he was asleep, missing her husband. Somehow, he's going to find a way not to leave Rey. He's not sure how, but something significant needs to change in his life.

She gets a furtive look in her eyes, and he hesitantly strokes her cheek, still unsure of his welcome to touch her.

But she holds his hand against her skin and closes her eyes as she nuzzles into his palm.

Then she catches him with those eyes before saying, "Will you … when you … please don't hurt the other girls."

"I promise." He didn't know his voice could be so gentle.

She nods into his hand and his chest swells with the trust she's gifted him.

Rey watches him fly away and he's already trying to calculate how long he must wait before he can come back to her.

"Plutt," he growls at the repugnant Crolute.

Plutt looks at him skeptically. "We had a deal about that girl, I won't take her back if she's giving you trouble."

Kylo Ren makes a terrifying grin behind his mask. "Oh, I have no intention of giving her back."

Ren's prey picks up on the menace in his tone and looks slightly nervous.

"Tell me, Plutt, is it true you bought Rey as a child?"

Plutt's eyes narrow. "She told you her real name?"

"Oh yes, and many other things. Like how you raised her up as a fatted calf for your brothel. She never wanted this life. She fought you."

"Come now, Lord Ren. You like her well enough, everyone got what they want-"

He doesn't use the Force for this, no this is far too personal. He grabs the Crolute by the neck with both hands and squeezes, taking delight in watching his eyes bulge from the sockets.

"How should I kill you, I wonder?" Ren almost croons. "Split you from groin to throat, watch your guts spill in the sand?"

Plutt's hands grab at Ren's uselessly. Though he's a big man, he's no match for Lord Ren, who gives him one moment to take a single breath.

"Or peel the skin from you one strip at a time?"

The whimper that falls from Plutt's fleshy lips finds no mercy from Ren. He's tempted to scour his mind for every man that's touched Rey, but he doesn't think she'd like that much death laid at her door. Though on the flight to Jakku he'd considered simply destroying the entire region, make sure anyone who hurt her died in flame and fear.

Her soft heart that, impossibly, sees something worth touching in Kylo Ren, that same heart would not want her former home destroyed.

But she knows Plutt will die, and he's certain she wants it, though she never said the words. Her eyes had blazed with rage and he's only too happy to be her champion. Besides, he's not sure he could have let this cretin live once he knew how he'd manipulated Rey. Used Rey. Hurt Rey.

And then he's squeezing, the choice taken from him, his storm making it for him. He watches the fear grow in Plutt's eyes, his lips curling in savage satisfaction behind his mask. The Crolute's face grows red and a blood vessel bursts along his fading vision.

Through the Force, Kylo can feel his life leaving him and in one swift twist, he breaks Plutt's neck, pleased with the crunching sound. With disgust, he pushes his limp corpse down into the dusty floor and finally hears the screams of the women and their patrons.

A large human comes rushing at him and Ren freezes him with the Force, holding him there. Out of the corner of his eye he sees more of Plutt's muscle finally realizing the threat. He'd intended to only kill the pimp, but he remembers this man from Rey's flashes of memories. This is one who chased her down like a dog.

Just like that, he snaps his neck, too before whirling on the remaining men. But they're backing away. For a moment he considers letting them go, but he reasons he shouldn't leave someone to step into Plutt's place. He ignites his saber and the other two's heads roll along the sandy floorboards.

By now, the patrons had mostly left, a few have stayed, standing defensively in front of their chosen paramours. It pleases him in an odd, new way. Perhaps not everything that happens here is empty.

A dark-haired girl is closest to him and he pulls out a sack of credits and a few credit chits, tossing them on the table between them. It's what remains of the funds he could put his hands on quickly when spiriting Rey away and it should be enough to ensure freedom for Rey's … friends.

"Take it. Make sure everyone is looked after," his modulated voice says as gently as he can manage.

She stands up straighter, and Ren can see challenge in her spine. It's only then that he notices how her upturned eye is bruised. "What did you do to Kira?" she asks with surprising fire.

"Rey asked that I not hurt any of you. I thought she might like a bit more than that. Consider your freedom a gift for her."

The young woman's round face tilts and her eyes narrow in suspicion. "So, she's safe?"

"As safe as I can make her," Ren says, fear of his master slithering along his spine.

She gathers up the small fortune and nods towards him. "Tell her thank you … that we miss her."

Lord Ren nods once and sweeps from the fetid brothel, knowing he'll never see Jakku again.

He wants to fly straight back to her, tell her that Plutt is dead, the women free. She'd grant him one of her beaming smiles and maybe, just maybe she'd want him to touch her again.

The fantasy runs through his mind over and over again, and he even allows himself to imagine kissing her softly. He's never done that.

He wants her lips to be the first he finds, the last he finds.

"You've been to Jakku more than usual," Hux says in that supercilious way that Kylo Ren detests.

"I didn't realize my personal time was of any interest to you."

"Anything that interests Supreme Leader Snoke interests me," Hux sneers.

Grateful for the protection of his mask, Kylo's eyes close briefly. He already knew this of course, but the reminder of Snoke's surveillance skitters along the back of his neck and his apprehension grows.

"Just cleaning up a bit of trash," he responds to the general. "Plutt displeased Leader Snoke."

"Such a shame. I know how much you value his establishment."

Ren's hand closes in a fist, unreasonably annoyed at the suggestion he cared at all for the women there. It makes him feel dirty, the reminder of what he'd done before Rey. And though he couldn't have said if he'd ever had the dark-haired girl, he realizes Rey has made him care. He cares because she does.

Hux is looking at him expectantly, when Snoke's voice thunders in his head.

"Apprentice!"

Wincing against the pain, Kylo Ren whirls away from Hux and focuses on not calling out. Snoke hasn't done this in a very long time—not since he'd bled his crystal and became his creature. It never used to hurt, not like this.

"Yes, Master," he responds through the Force.

"Come to me. Now."

A/N: I must thank two epic women, ArtemisBare, who makes time for me no matter what (seriously, she's stunning) and Silvergrain, who stays up far too late to tell me what's what.

Thank you, Readers! It's been a wild ride lately, but I'm cheering and loving you all from afar. I just want to give us all a moment to recharge through fic. I hope to update 'Lovesick' later this week. Thank you, thank you, thank you!