Thanks again for all of your reviews, I love hearing your thoughts. Sorry for the late update!

Part Three

RPOV

Work was hell. Even though I had gotten here in time and tried to act normal, it was like Hans could sense I was distracted. He kept checking up on me and when he noticed a tiny mistake in a report I'd been typing he sent me down to the archives to do some filing, though the last time he'd sent me there was weeks ago.

At least it gave me a chance to think. I'd tried to sort out my thoughts last night but I was just too bewildered by everything that had happened. Drunk Dimitri, crying Dimitri, Dimitri holding onto me and finally that whisper when I left. Eventually I just turned on the television to distract myself and watched some stupid comedy show until I fell asleep.

My thoughts had been just as much of a mess when I was woken by my alarm after just three hours of sleep.

Downstairs in the archives, surrounded by nothing but complete silence and piles of paperwork that needed sorting, I finally managed to think things over. I kept trying to make sense of Dimitri's words and actions last night compared to everything he'd said to me since his restoration and it just didn't add up.

Before, he'd told me he wanted me to stay away from him, that he didn't want me anymore. But last night he'd said it was better for me if I stayed away from him, not that he actually wanted me to.
He'd pushed me away and shut me out of his life, but last night he'd suddenly let me in.
He'd told me his love had faded, but his whisper as I left his room had said the complete and total opposite.

And he was just so... broken.

For a moment I wondered if there was anything I could do to help. But then I recalled everything Dimitri had said to me last summer, all the times he'd pushed me away, told me he didn't want to see me. That he didn't want me.

He'd opened up to me yesterday but it wasn't intentional. He was drunk and I just happened to be there when he broke down. I probably could've been anyone. I wouldn't make the same mistake I'd made before, I wouldn't force my company on him. No matter how much it hurt me to admit it, he had told me time and time again that he didn't want my help. Nothing he'd said or done last night would change that. He probably didn't even remember what had happened or what he'd said anyway, so it didn't mean anything.

A small voice in the back of my mind whispered that drunk people supposedly always told the truth but I ignored it. Wishful thinking would get me nowhere.

I'd been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed the time. I was lucky someone came downstairs to drop off some files at the end of the day and told me we were done, or I might've stayed for several more hours. By the time I got back upstairs to get my stuff, most of my coworkers had already left and I pretty much ran out of the building. Maybe I could catch up on some sleep after dinner.

I was halfway down the steps in front of the building when I got the feeling someone was watching me. Instinctively I looked up, not straight ahead but in the direction of those benches nearby which nobody ever used.. And immediately looked straight into the dark eyes of a tall Russian cowboy.

For just a moment I lost control of myself. I stopped walking and I knew he'd be able to see the shock on my face. Then I got a grip and forcefully slammed my guardian mask in place. For half a second I considered walking away, but I couldn't. Somehow I knew he was here to see me and no matter how much he'd hurt me, it didn't feel right to push him away when he finally came to me.

At least not without saying anything.

I told myself to just keep walking, making myself focus on the here and now, on putting one foot in front of the other. I wasn't sure why he was here and I didn't want him to know how much he still affected me. He obviously remembered something, but maybe it was just minor stuff and he just came here to figure out what had happened after he left the bar. Maybe he recalled me talking to him and came here to tell me to leave him alone. Again.

I stopped and looked at him. There was still some distance between us but I didn't move closer, not trusting myself to stay in control if I was too close to him. He met my eyes nervously. I wanted to know why he was here but I didn't know how to ask him or even what to say. I watched him swallow and then he said: "Hey."

His voice was quiet and unsure. He suddenly shivered and looked down, then took a deep breath before looking back up, right at me. I could see the same uncertainty in his eyes that I'd heard in his voice. Then he blurted out: "Can we talk?"
There was a flash of something in his eyes and suddenly I understood. "You remember."

He wasn't here to ask me what had happened. He knew.

I didn't realize I'd spoken the words out loud until he nodded. I studied his face. He looked tired, last night had definitely taken a toll on him. He shifted his weight when I looked into his eyes. Everything about him told me he felt uneasy and I expected him to either look away or shut me out again, but instead he met my eyes openly. Beyond the obvious turmoil, I could see a lot of self-doubt. But there was more, so much more. There was an openness about him I hadn't seen in a long time.

He wasn't shutting me out, he was deliberately letting me in.

Suddenly he held out his hand but I didn't take it. I definitely wanted to. To feel the warmth I had felt last night, that feeling I'd never felt with anyone but him. But I wasn't sure what it meant and I was scared to get hurt again. His eyes silently pleaded with me and then he whispered: "Please Roza.."

While he spoke there was a flash of hope in his eyes, but when I didn't respond immediately it quickly turned to dejection. And that was when I reached out and put my hand in his.

I wasn't the only one who was scared.

We had only just made it to Dimitri's room, no support needed this time, when I received a text.

Zmey: Come over.

I quickly typed an answer, telling him I'd come by later and then turned by attention to Dimitri. Before he could say anything, my phone pinged again.

Zmey: I meant now. I do not want you anywhere near Belikov.

Damnit, how the hell did he know? This was bad. Abe had made no secret of the fact that he wasn't Dimitri biggest fan, nor that he wanted to teach him some manners. I shuddered to think what that meant, Abe-style. If I ignored him I wouldn't put it past him to come over and try to drag me out. Not that he'd manage, but it might be safer to keep him as far away from Dimitri as possible for the time being. Abe might shoot him on sight.

"I'm sorry but I'm going to have to answer this. Shouldn't take long," I said apologetically.
He nodded. "No problem. I can get you a drink in the meantime, if you'd like something? Or something to eat?"
Even though I'd been hungry when I left the office, my appetite was completely gone now. "Water would be nice."
"Of course."

Dimitri walked over to his kitchen while I sat down on the edge of his couch, feeling uncomfortable at the memory of last night. I shrugged it off and focussed on my dad, hoping he wasn't on his way here yet.

Me: None of your business old man..

Zmey: Like hell it is!

Me: Are you having me followed?

Zmey: Of course not

Me: Him?

Even though I'd answered within five seconds and there was no doubt in my mind Abe had read my text, there was no answer, which was all the confirmation I needed. Dimitri came back and put two glasses of water on the small table before hesitantly sitting down on the other side of the couch. "Is everything alright?"
I wasn't about to tell him of my suspicions so I just said: "Yeah, almost done."

Me: We'll talk later old man.. Stay out of this.

Zmey: "Fine. I'll be waiting.

I turned off my sound, put my phone away and then turned to find Dimitri watching me.

After we'd stared at eachother for a while the silence was starting to drive me insane. "So, let's talk."

Even though Dimitri had been the one to come to me, the one who wanted to talk and invited me here, he didn't seem to have much to say right now. He opened his mouth a couple of times but then shut it again without saying anything, and he just kept looking at me like... well, like he didn't have a clue what to say to me.

Lack of sleep, the tension between us and Abe's interference were getting to me, making me a bit more irritable than I might've been otherwise. "I thought you wanted to talk? Do I need to break out a bottle of vodka for you to open up again or something?"

Wow, wasn't that a brilliant start to an already awkward conversation.. Reminding Dimitri of how drunk he'd been last night was sure to make this better.

He looked at me in apparent surprise. "How did you know it was vodka?"
I snorted. "Please. There's just no way you were drinking cosmopolitans."
I thought I saw the corners of his mouth twitch but he remained silent and since I really didn't know what to say either, I did as well. Finally he shifted, looked down and then looked back up at me. "I..." He shook his head and then started again. "I'm not sure where to start."

From the moment he showed up I'd known this was going to be difficult, but I had kind of expected him to have at least an idea of what he wanted to say. Dimitri always prepared himself for whatever situation he was getting into. Then again, I had noticed he was anxious from the moment I'd first seen him outside of work. Maybe there was no preparing for this, maybe we just had to rip off the bandaid, bite the bullet, get this over with.

I picked up my glass and took a tiny sip of water, mostly to give myself some time to think. Then I put the glass back on the table. "How much do you remember from last night?"
I heard Dimitri take a deep breath before he answered: "Probably not everything but.. Enough."

It was kind of a vague answer and I was about to ask for clarification when he must've read the question on my face. He continued: "I remember leaving the bar, you helping me, supporting me home.." he swallowed before adding: "Staying with me when I got upset."

So he did remember. Maybe not all the details, he probably hadn't relived every second of it today like I had while I was in the archives, but he remembered enough.
"I wasn't sure if you would."
He met my eye and a sad smile appeared on his face. "I doubt there's any way I could forget, though I had some trouble convincing myself it was real."
"Yeah well, so did I last night. I never thought you'd get that drunk."
He shook his head. "I don't. The last time I got drunk was after graduation, with Ivan."

I let that sink in. Dimitri must've graduated seven years or so ago and he'd never lost control in all that time. It definitely fit in with his reputation and the person I'd gotten to know, but it did beg the question.. "Why did you now?"
He was quiet for a long time and then looked down. "I was struggling. My thoughts kept going around in circles and I took a walk to clear my head. I went into the bar for a drink but I never meant to have that many, it just.. happened."

It made sense, sort of. I'd been there, driving myself crazy because my mind went into overdrive and I'd lie if I said I'd never used the same tactic. Still, for Dimitri to lose control like that it had to be something big. "So what were you struggling with?"
I honestly didn't really expect him to answer. He was probably hung up on what had happened when he was Strigoi again and he'd never wanted to talk to me about that in the past either.

But he looked me right in the eye and then answered my question. "You."

I must've gaped at him, but I couldn't feel my face so I wasn't sure what it looked like. He got drunk because of.. me? "What?"
He opened his mouth but I continued talking before he could. "You haven't talked to me in months! You told me to leave you alone and I did, so what is there to struggle with? How the hell is this about me?"

He swallowed, took a deep breath and then answered quietly: "I saw you yesterday, with Eddie. For the first time since last summer you looked happy when I saw you."
I frowned. "You got drunk because I was happy?"
He shook his head and then met my gaze. "No, I want you to be happy. It just made me question myself and my actions."

"When I said what I did.. That day.." He paused, giving me the chance to ask him what he meant, but I didn't need to. I somehow knew that he meant that day in church. Maybe because it was the last time we really talked, or because it was never far from my own mind, but I knew.

When I didn't interrupt he continued. "I felt so guilty for everything I'd done, to others and especially to you. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to truly love again. I just knew I cared about you and you deserved to be happy. I pushed you away to keep you safe. I thought it'd be better for everyone if you'd move on. You'd already had to deal with everything I'd done to you, with seeing me when I was.." He paused for a second but pushed on. "When I was Strigoi. I wanted you to have a fresh start. I thought that if I pushed you away, I wouldn't be able to hurt you again."

He looked down at his hands, and when I did too I saw they were clenched into fists. "You'd seen what I was capable of, what I was. I didn't trust myself around you. I had already used you and tortured you and nearly killed you. I'd already done enough damage Roza. I didn't want you to get sucked into the whole mess only for you to realize I wasn't who you remembered and end up hurt again, even worse than you already were."

It took a while for his words to sink in and I stared of into space trying to digest them. I guess it wasn't a complete surprise, he had told me at the time he wasn't who he used to be, that he blamed himself for his actions as a Strigoi. The way he said it now though somehow implied something different. Like it wasn't necessarily what he wanted. Like he'd made that decision because of me, not because of him.

At the same time as I arrived at that conclusion, he whispered: "I thought I was doing the right thing."

And just like that my anger flared and my eyes flew back to his face. I ground my teeth and tried to stay calm. "So you told me to leave you alone because you thought that was best.. For me?"
"Yes." He finally looked at me again.
"And you didn't think it was necessary to ask my opinion? You didn't think I had the right to decide what's best for me?" I couldn't keep my annoyance from bubbling over. "Damnit Dimitri, what the hell were you thinking?"
"I don't know." It was barely a whisper and his voice shook.

I was pretty sure I'd lost the ability to speak as I looked at him in complete disbelief. He had broken my heart and turned my life upside down because he thought it was the right thing, but he didn't really know? Seriously?

I had to give it to Dimitri, he didn't look away or hide behind his guardian mask. I could read his reaction to my own emotions openly on his face. Anguish and remorse, guilt and self-hatred. Seeing my own pain mirrored in his eyes calmed me a little. He hadn't done it to hurt me, he wanted to protect me. Which, if I really thought about it, was kind of a Dimitri-thing to do.

Even if it was wrong. And really fucking insanely stupid.

When I didn't start yelling at him immediately he used the opportunity to explain further. "I've been questioning my decision every day since. At first I was able to convince myself that you were better off, but every time I saw you I'd doubt myself a little more. I could see you weren't happy, that even though I had distanced myself you were still hurting. And as more time passed, I started to feel something again, more than just guilt. And then I'd hate myself even more because I had pushed you away thinking I couldn't feel that way anymore."

He ran his fingers through his hair and it almost looked like he was trying to pull it out. I'd never seen him so unsettled before. "When I saw you yesterday, laughing and joking with Eddie, I was so happy to finally see you happy again. But it also made me realize that I had given up on my chance to be a part of your life, that I'd only ever get to see you laugh from a distance. And it hurt Roza. "

He wouldn't meet my gaze anymore, focusing his attention on a point somewhere near my knees. "That's why I was wandering around Court and ended up in that bar. I've been struggling with what I said to you for months, struggling to stay away. And yesterday I was struggling with the fact that it didn't matter anymore, because you were finally moving on. I didn't realize how much you mean to me until it was too late."

My mind was racing, trying to grasp the meaning of what Dimitri had just tried to explain to me. As usual my mouth was quicker than my thoughts and before I'd really processed anything, words were already bursting from my lips: "So what you said last night when I left.."

His eyes widened in realization. "You heard?"
I nodded, too stunned to speak. Dimitri closed his eyes for a moment but soon opened them and looked right into mine. "Yes, what I said last night was true. I love you Roza. I never stopped loving you, it just took me a long time to recognize the feeling."

I stared at him for what must've been minutes, completely stunned. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I couldn't move. It was pretty much a miracle I kept on breathing. He didn't say or do anything else, just waited with bated breath for my reaction.

Then I slapped him, hard and jumped up.

"For fucks sake Dimitri, I love you but I really don't like you right now."
I walked out of his room and slammed the door behind me. The man could just be so damn infuriating. Of course I understood that he'd had a lot to deal with but that didn't mean he had to act the way he did.
I hadn't taken more than five steps before I heard the door opening behind me and then Dimitri spoke, now quiet and hesitant. "You still love me?"

Oh crap, I did say that didn't I? I hadn't planned to tell him but it just burst out. I really, really had to start learning to think before I said anything.
I turned around and crossed my arms. "Did you even hear the rest of what I said?"
"Yes." He took a step closer. "But do you? Love me?"

I sighed. "I don't really see how it changes anything."
"Roza..."
I cut him off and threw my hands in the air. "Fine, yes! Yes I still love you."

There was a small but noticeable change in Dimitri immediately. His eyes lit up and he stood up a little straighter, as if a weight had been removed. He looked more.. alive, somehow.
He was the man I loved, who I fell in love with last year, and knowing he still loved me as well.. I just wanted to run into his arms and forget everything else, shut out the rest of the world. But if there was one thing I'd learned, it was that life didn't work that way.

I stayed where I was, suppressing the urge the move closer. "Look, I know a lot has happened but that just doesn't make what you did okay Dimitri. Suddenly telling me you still love me doesn't make everything else go away. You also just told me you've been struggling with guilt and doubts and whatever. If you can't forgive yourself and move on from the past then it really doesn't matter if I love you or not. It's not like loving you helped either of us six months ago is it?"

I felt a pang of regret as I saw the light in Dimitri's eyes dim, but he nodded. "You're right."
We both stood in silence for what seemed like forever before he whispered: "I am trying. I've come to realize a lot of things lately and I'm trying Roza, I really am. I can't promise you I'll succeed but I can promise I'm trying my best to find a way through this, to at least accept that a lot of what happened was outside of my control. I want to do it. I want to forgive myself and move on. But I need time, it's not just going to happen within a couple of days."

He was right, it would take time to heal. For him, but also for me. I didn't need to forgive him for what he'd done as a Strigoi, I'd never blamed him because it wasn't him doing those things. But I would need to find a way to deal with his actions afterwards. The way he'd treated me after his restoration and the words he'd said that day in church had nearly destroyed me. I didn't know if I could trust him again. I needed to figure out where we stood.

While I was thinking he'd made his way towards me. He was standing right in front of me now, a pleading look on his face. "Will you give me a chance to try and make you like me again?"
Apparently he did hear everything I said. I eyed him sceptically. "And how do you propose to do that?"
He didn't miss a beat. "Maybe we could start running again, together?" He turned thoughtful. "Though that never made you like me much the first time around.." He contemplated this for a moment. "We could spar?"

For a moment I considered saying no. I wasn't sure if I was ready to give him another chance, to let him back into my life. To risk getting hurt if it turned out he wasn't able to forgive himself after all. He'd already hurt me so many times, whether he meant to or not, and I was just starting to recover. Could I deal with it if things went south again?

But this was Dimitri, and whether I let him in or not, I would love him anyway. And if I didn't let him in, watching him struggle from a distance while he tried to deal with all of this on his own would hurt me as well.

Six months ago I had begged him for the chance to let me be there for him. He wasn't ready then, but he was now. He had come to me and was asking me to give him a chance. To be a part of his life while he was working hard to move on.

"Fine," I said grudgingly. "Punching you would definitely help." A thought popped into my head and I glared at him as I added: "But you can't let me win!"
He held up his hands. "I wouldn't dare. I'll give it my all and if you beat me it'll be all you."
I nodded in satisfaction. He knew me well. Some girls might think it was romantic if a guy let them win, but I'd be insulted if Dimitri thought I needed any help to beat him. "Good. So what else? If I want to beat someone I could just pick any random guardian in the gym."

He nodded seriously. "I'd bring donuts as a post-workout snack."
"Chocolate-glazed?"
"That goes without saying."

There really wasn't much point to this discussion anymore, we both knew I'd agreed to let him try as soon as I accepted his offer to spar. Still, I appreciated his willingness to continue, even if he was just humoring me. It was the first normal exchange we'd had in a long time.

"Pre-workout, post-workout, mid-workout. I'm flexible like that when it comes to donuts." I shrugged casually.
The corner of his mouth twitched. "I'll adjust the number of donuts accordingly."
"You be sure to do that comrade." I grinned at him before adding: "I like you a tiny bit better already."

The delight in his eyes and the real, full smile that appeared on his face in reaction to my words made my heart skip a beat.

I did love the man after all.

Author's note: Again, I'm sorry for the late update. I wanted to post last week, had actually written a full chapter, but then I reread it the next day and I ended up deleting more than half of it because it didn't feel right.

So this was the final part of this story, I hope you guys enjoyed it! I didn't want Rose to just forgive Dimitri, but at the same time I did want to find a way for them to move forward. I hope I succeeded.

I know there's plenty of ways I could have continued this story, but I've decided to end it here. There are so many good stories out there which deal with Rose and Dimitri growing back together, I didn't feel the need to do it again.

-Pheldda I loved your idea about Eddie's POV by the way! I seriously considered it, but since I wanted this to be the last chapter and for Rose and Dimitri to actually talk, I couldn't make it work.

And for those who wondered, yes I made Abe appear as Zmey in Rose's phone on purpose. It felt like something she would do, just because she'd think it was funny. And having Dimitri watched felt like something Abe would do, especially if he was worried about Rose.