You are excited for your very first birthday party. You've never played paintball before, but your new family is taking you for your eighth birthday. Mom planned everything, and the fact that she even invited Dad is proof that this is going to be a special day. Sure she forced Dad into menial labor rather than actually treating him like a guest, but you don't care! For them that's progress!

Partygoers arrive – Mom knows you enough to invite only your best friends and not all of your friends, because there are a lot of monsters in the Overground that you consider friends, but to invite all of them would be overwhelming. No, this party is you, Mom, Dad, Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, and Mettaton. You'd invited Flowey but doubted he'd come.

As you all eat pizza ("YOU PURCHASED PIZZA? I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO SUPPLY THE FOOD FOR THIS PARTY!" "No need, Papyrus, thank you…"), Papyrus happily asks who's going to play paintball. Mom and Dad say no but that they'll enjoy watching. Undyne, Papyrus, Sans, Alphys and you agree to play. Mettaton is fashionably late.

"How about a little friendly competition?" Undyne asks with a feral grin.

You know Undyne. She does friendly, she does competition, but she does not do those things together. Papyrus and Alphys visibly share your sentiment, but surprisingly Sans then says, "team battle sounds fun."

Undyne clenches her fists in excitement. "YES! That's the spirit! Me and Alphys versus you and Papyrus! Frisk, it's your birthday so you can pick your team!"

Oh geez, how are you supposed to choose? You are friends with both teams, and both Alphys and Papyrus are sensitive enough to be hurt if you don't pick them. Thankfully Alphys lights up and waves to someone coming in. "Mettaton, y-you're right on time!" You're proud of Alphys; she still has a stutter, both because of her shyness and just because she has one, but her confidence is always on the increase. The others wave to him as well.

The robot struts over, as per usual acting like he's on a runway. You know that when he isn't on tour or pampering himself, he's binge-watching Top Model. "Happy birthday Frisk my darling!" he croons, smooching your forehead with cold metal lips. "At first, I was a little horrified at such a gauche location but then I heard you'd never been here before and, well, it's… not… all about me. Today." He doesn't sound convinced, but you smile anyway.

"We're doing a team battle!" Undyne exclaims, "You me and Alphys versus Papyrus Sans and Frisk! Paintball TO THE DEATH!"

"NO!" yells everyone back as one, and you are impressed.

"To first blood!" she amends.

"NO!" Papyrus protests.

"Well we can't do it to first hit! That's super boring!"

"BUT TOO MUCH IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS FOR… CERTAIN MEMBERS OF OUR PARTY!"

Curious now, you CHECK him. His stats, like most monsters', have gone up since their freedom was gained.

* PAPYRUS 30 ATK 50 DEF

1700 HP

* THIS IS SO WONDERFUL AND THE BEST DAY EVER BUT HE IS NOW VERY WORRIED ABOUT HIS BROTHER!

Then you realize you've never CHECKED Sans, since you never fought him.

* sans 2 atk 2 def

10 HP

* he's gonna have a good time

You had no idea Sans' stats were that bad! No wonder Papyrus is worried, now you are too! Would a paintball kill him?

(Later, Sans would tell you that sometimes those stats were a whopping 1, "dependent on the circumstances." You can read between the lines though, and know the circumstances were whether or not Papyrus was still alive. (The relationship between the two was one of the cutest things ever.) You hated the other versions of you that occasionally came up in conversations. You wouldn't ever hurt any of these people, and you hadn't.)

Not that yours are much better…

* Frisk 0 ATK 15 DEF

20 HP

* Happy birthday to you!

But Sans is clearly amused at something. "to unconsciousness should be fine. how about a little wager, between buddies?"

Everyone looks at him now. Undyne is vibrating with excitement. "F - Sans I have never liked you more than this moment! If we win, you join me and Papyrus for early morning training for a week!"

"cool," he says. This is getting stranger and stranger…

Undyne seems to agree. "And, and you can't make any jokes the whole time!"

Alphys, Papyrus and you all gasp in horror. Mettaton probably doesn't know Sans enough to realize what a horrible punishment that is. Sans is still chill.

This is clearly not the reaction that Undyne is hoping for. "And… and… and you have to put the sock in your sock drawer. And keep it there."

You might be seeing things, but you swear you can see his left eye light up for a split second even as the others gasp again. Even Mettaton this time.

You remember when everyone first moved into their new homes; Sans and Papyrus' place had been spotless and perfect until Sans placed the same sock (albeit having been cleaned) in the corresponding spot by the television, sending poor Papyrus into an impressive fit of both hilarious laughter and absolute horror. You had thought you might need to call an ambulance.

But if you did see Sans go into serious mode, it's over already. "okay… and if we win, you have to tell Papyrus the real reason you never let him in the royal guard… and announce to the world that you made a mistake refusing him."

There are more horrified gasps, although this time Papyrus' gasp is one of shock and delight. You know why Undyne never let Papyrus into the Royal Guard, and you're not sure if he would be happier knowing her reasons. But you know Undyne admitting her faults to the world will definitely not fly with her.

Alphys is about to speak up, likely to revoke any wagers, but Undyne beats her to the punch. "YOU'RE ON, NERD!" She laughs her signature cackle.

"We need team names!" Mettaton speaks up. "I was thinking, Team Drama!" He throws his hair back. You must admit it's appropriate – all three of them are dramatic in their own, very different, ways. Even Undyne and Alphys don't argue.

"Well, since the team is us and the kid… How about Team Spare Ribs?" Sans winks at you, and you groan.

"ONCE WE GET WHAT WE NEED, WE GET TEN MINUTES TO PLAN FIRST!" Papyrus exclaims, and he drags his brother into the arena. You can tell he's nervous because he didn't even chastise Sans for calling you spare. You follow, both excited and nervous too.

(You should have been more nervous.)

"no throwin' the fight out of spite for the sock," Sans jokes as you have your team huddle. You're all decked out in team vests and carrying probably too many guns. You also have headsets that let you communicate with your team, which is really cool. In the corner is a stockpile of additional bullets. Your paint color is blue, as are the dim lights on your vests, and you find it nice to not be forced to use red all the time.

"SANS! I WOULD NEVER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER LOSES, NOT EVEN ON PURPOSE!" Papyrus strikes a pose before calming himself. He starts to mess with his fingers. "Besides… your counter wager is far more appealing… Thank you, brother. You didn't have to."

Sans grins – although to be fair, he's always grinning. "I did. I can't wait to see her tell you the truth. anyway, you wanted to plan?"

"RIGHT! THIS WILL NOT BE EASY, BUT I BELIEVE WE CAN SUCCEED! OUR TEAMS ARE VERY BALANCED! OF COURSE WE HAVE THE POWERFUL AND CHARISMATIC LEADER IN MYSELF AND UNDYNE! AND THERE IS THE SHORT BUT INTELLIGENT ONE THAT WILL BE OVERLOOKED, IN SANS AND ALPHYS! AND THEN WE HAVE… er…" He looks at you. "Um… you and Mettaton both have hair?"

You are not sure if you are pleased or offended that he can't come up with any other ways that you and Mettaton are foils. You are both great dancers, but you are not so high maintenance.

"I have a better idea," Sans interjects. "me and undyne are the leaders, the kid and alphys are the short and easily-overlooked ones, and you and Mettaton are both tall and… excitable."

Papyrus pouts and stomps his foot. "SANS! I'M CLEARLY THE UNDYNE! YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!"

"heh, sure, Paps. well the kid here is an expert on dodging, so if we had to pick between frisk and mettaton, definitely happy to have frisk."

You blush with the praise. You are, after all, the reigning Underground Dodge Champion.

Papyrus beams at you. "THIS IS VERY TRUE, FRISK! I AM A GREAT HERO, SANS IS SHORT AND DIFFICULT TO HIT, AND YOU ARE QUITE EXCELLENT AT DODGING! IT'S HOW WE BECAME FRIENDS, AFTER ALL!" Then he pauses. "OH, BUT I WANT TO WARN YOU. IT IS HIGHLY LIKELY, ALMOST GUARANTEED, THAT SEEING ME IN SUCH A SITUATION WHERE I AM IN MY ELEMENT WILL MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN. PLEASE TRY YOUR BEST NOT TO, ALTHOUGH I IMAGINE IT WILL BE DIFFICULT!"

You sigh, because you never fell in love with him in the first place. You just turned eight! You only flirted with him because he was kicking your booty six ways from Sunday at the time. You were only the reigning Underground Dodge Champion the second time you went through. The first time was kind of embarrassing and you missed a lot, and the second time you freed all the monsters and got a happy ending.

Anyway, you nod your agreement. You'll try your best.

Papyrus gets nervous again and looks to Sans. "Um, are you sure you'll be okay?"

"hey kid, why don't you go do recon?" Sans asks. "be quiet and careful and sneak over, see if you can hear anything."

You get the hint, he wants them to talk alone, so you nod and sneak off. The arena is large and dark, filled with fog and dimly lit. It's a maze even in the light, making it perfect for paintball. It kind of reminds you of Waterfall, so you're sure none of your friends are overwhelmed.

"Wait a minute, why am I the Sans?" you can hear Mettaton ask with great consternation. You follow his voice to find Team Drama in their own group huddle. The lights on their vests are green, so they've probably got green paint too. "That is offensive!"

"Because you're both super weenies!" Undyne laughs.

As the two argue and Alphys giggles, you decide to CHECK all of them too, just to see how even these teams are.

* Undyne 55 ATK 30 DEF

2000 HP

* She's planning her VICTORY SPEECH! IN YOUR STUPID SMILEY FACE, SANS!

Yep, that's about right. All of it. Especially how her very SOUL is rebelling against this bet.

* Alphys 10 ATK 8 DEF

250 HP

* As long as she's not the first one out, she'll be happy.

Poor Alphys. At least her stats are better than Sans', but yeah, she's going to be the first one out.

* Mettaton 47 ATK 47 DEF

1600 HP

* "I do my hair toss, check my nails – baby how you feelin? Feelin gooood as heeeeell!" Damn it! This is not one of his songs! It should not be stuck in his head! And the lighting in here is so unflattering! And this place! It's just as misty and confusing as the CORE! He will tolerate this for his friends, but he is not going to have his birthday party here, no sir. And when this is all done, he is going to buy this place and renovate it!

None of that is surprising either, not even that his stats are the same; after all, he probably stopped any fighting practice once he came Overground. And now that song is going to be stuck in your head, too.

You check the timer next, and see there's only a few more minutes until the battle starts. Undyne and Mettaton are still arguing over who is who, so you sneak back to find your teammates and tell them what you saw.

"mettaton should be honored to be me," Sans says with a lazy smile.

Papyrus is tapping his face with a gloved finger. "NOW WE NEED CODENAMES!"

"do we?" Sans asks.

"OF COURSE! IF WE ARE OVERHEARD COMMUNICATING OVER OUR DEVICES" he taps the piece taped to the hole that he hears through "WE CERTAINLY DON'T WANT ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND OUR COMPLEX STRATEGY TALK! HMMM… HOW ABOUT… JOKER," he points to Sans, "RIDDLER," to himself, "AND HUSH!" to you.

You shake your head and explain those are all Batman villains and you cannot afford to get sued.

He pouts but tries again. "AGENT CYAN, AGENT ORANGE AND AGENT RED?"

You again reject this as Agent Orange is a compound of chemical warfare and not anything to do with Papyrus.

He still pouts, as if you're doing this on purpose. "HUMANS REALLY ARE WEIRD… WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF WE JUST WENT WITH THE COLORS?" You nod; that should be fine, even if you're sad at again being saddled with red.

"can i be yellow instead?" Sans asks, and you are about 90% sure he's just being difficult.

A loud buzzer goes off.