Beyond the Outer Gates Lies... Evil Gods?

"Azazel," I began, narrowing my eyes as I glared at the fallen angel who could probably crumple me up like a beer can with marginal effort, "so help me, but if this is another one of your stupid shenanigans, I will kick your ass. I mean it. I don't care what it will take, but it will end with my boot leaving its size eleven imprint on your ass."

"Hahaha," the fallen angel laughed. I couldn't help but notice a distinct lack of entitled fear at my threats. I also knew, in my heart of hearts, that changing that attitude was probably beyond just about anyone in the world at this point. "Now, now, 'Fire and Ice'! No reason to get touchy. I mean, have I ever really done anything bad enough to deserve an attitude like that?"

"Three. Hundred. Ises," I deadpanned. Giving him a flat look. Azazel cleared his throat, but still managed to look unrepentant about a crime against humanity that should have rated him a punishment too terrifying to ever repeat.

"Now, now," he waived his hand idly. "It all worked out in the end. Why linger on things which ended up fine anyway?"

"Three. Hundred. Ises," I repeated in exactly the same tone of voice as before. "Not just three hundred Ise, but three hundred Ises with ramped up libidos. Think about that. Reflect on your sins."

"Hmph," Azazel seemed to take a moment to really consider what he had unleashed on the world, before he started laughing. "You're right! But it was funny in the end, wasn't it?"

"Actually, if I recall correctly, in the end we all ended up hitting you," I pointed out, smirking as I did so. "So yeah, maybe you have a point. I'm glad that worked out for us. You were actually useful for something for once."

"Hey!" Azazel pouted. "Don't make it sound like I'm just someone who always gets in the way. I helped out with reversing that spell that Rias managed to mess up, didn't I?"

"If I recall, all you did was lug Ise around so you could have fun watching him get in over his head," I rolled my eyes, before finally conceding the point. "Which, in retrospect, actually was kind of fun, so, yeah."

"See?" Azazel pointed out easily, still chuckling. "That's the spirit!"

Pause. Rewind.

Just how, you might be asking yourself, did it come to pass that I would casually be trading threats, friendly though they might be, so easily, as well as bantering so casually with a creature that, most likely, could destroy me by blinking carelessly?

Let me begin by saying it had been a long couple of months.

Azazel and I were, at the moment, pacing the corridors of Kuoh Academy, dodging the last couple of students that were still lingering for whatever reason. Normally I wouldn't dream of talking about things regarding the supernatural with potential witnesses nearby, but apparently most higher creatures had the ability to emit some kind of aura or other type of affect which rendered them unnoticeable to those who were not somehow related to their current business.

Devil's apparently used it quite frequently while they were going about their contract work.

It had been nearly a month and a half since the treaty between the Three Great Powers had been concluded, and in that time, well, things had worked out surprisingly well. Negotiations had been concluded between the three, concessions made and favors granted, the typical type of things that occurred when century long hostilities concluded.

At least, I assumed they were typical. This really was kind of a once in several dozen lifetimes sort of event. Anyway, the important part was that the vast majority of the angels, fallen, and devils were all agreeing to play ball.

The ones who weren't conveniently ended up being members of Chaos Brigade. At least having an organization out in the open to draw in the dissidents was useful for finding those less pleased with the current circumstances of the world. And even just knowing that they existed was a step up in my book.

If the Black Council had been this blatant, I would have had a hell of a lot less stress back in my world.

Anyway, with all the comings and goings, Azazel had decided to take a teaching post here at the Academy, partly in order to be on hand for negotiations and such, partly to provide a measure of transparency to the Grigori's on goings, and partly to just be able to openly mess around with Rias and the rest of her peerage apparently.

Seriously. This guy had way too much free time on his hand, and he had no trouble filling that free time with some of the most ridiculous mishap strewn adventures I had ever come across.

Adventures that I frequently found myself drawn in to as apparently Rias was still determined to try and tempt me into devil hood. If the serpent that had gotten Eve to eat the apple had been half this determined, she probably ate the thing out of sheer frustration to get it to shut up.

So, just let me conclude by once more reiterating it had been a LOOOOOOOONG month and a half.

Still, since Azazel was around so often, I had found myself interacting with him fairly easily, all things considered. I think if I hadn't Soulgazed him, I would have been a lot more nervous around him, doubting his every action and reviewing all of his moves with laser like focus to see what his hidden scheme or motivation was.

Since I knew it was just his way of passing time and having fun, it was much easier to relax around him, and occasionally find myself amused as well. Honestly, if I was some sort of phenomenal cosmic power entity like him, I imagine I would spend my time pretty much the same way. I never had much ambition in the whole conquering the world or plotting dastardly deeds way of life, and having a lot of power to spend tinkering with enchanting would be a pretty sweet way to spend my time.

Hell's bells, he had even managed to sneak me into a bar that was apparently being run by some of the other fallen. I hadn't been to a strip bar since Thomas had tricked me into it, and I was rapidly coming to understand that for all their being disgraced holy entities, fallen women were for the most part ridiculously hot. Sort of made it easy to understand why most of them fell from grace due to boinking.

A lot less double edged than Sidhe women, less wood chippers in playboy bunny outfits and more the kind of girl your parents warned you about. Still, despite offers, and there were some intriguing offers, offers that made the Winter in me try to get me to stop and see where things would go, I made it a point not to be around fallen women to often.

"So," Azazel began, still chuckling to himself as he did so. "Since we're on a good note, has there been any progress?"

"I have contacts in Kyoto now," I told him, shrugging as I did so. "But after Shalba bought the farm, most of the Old Satan faction has been keeping their head down. They're rapidly running out of descendants to act as rallying points. The Hero Faction has been active, but they're a lot more cautious about moving openly. I have been getting reports on some kind of Magician faction moving as well, but nothing I'd put money on."

They say the secret to operating a successful small business is reputation. Most of the times I've found that 'they' are a bunch of idiots, but it seems that every once in a while 'they' could get it right.

Ever since the Kuoh Conference, as it had been labeled retrospectively, business has been booming. It hadn't taken more than a day or two after for me to be contacted by a representative of the fallen about several potential jobs. Apparently, I made something of an impression for that matter, because the one who was looking to hire me was none other than Shemhazi himself, the angel whose name means the meaning of strength, and second in command of the Grigori right after Azazel.

Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly considering how this world seemed to work, none of the jobs offered were really that bad. Mostly it was requests to investigate suspicious events or find certain people or things for various reasons. I'd done a few jobs just identifying Sacred Gear users in every day life, though so far none of them had been a real danger to anyone around them so the fallen had maintained their 'hand's off policy'. I'd even had a few requests to assist with some research projects as well. Mostly, it was exactly the kind of thing I was used to from back in my world.

I'd gotten other offers as well from the Devil side of things. Mostly it was the same type of work, though most of it seemed to work around the tracking of stray devils more than anything else. Tracking and investigating magic was actually my second best skill set, right after the whole burning and freezing thing, and hunting down murderous devils who prayed on humans was probably some of the most cathartic experiences I've had recently. I didn't always have the resources to find them myself, but at least two of the cases I had been consulted on when the trail had gone too cold for the devils to follow it had ended with them picking up the next step afterwards and catching their perp.

And the devils paid a hell of a lot better than the Chicago PD, let me tell you that.

Also there had been one… interesting I guess you could put it request from Sirzechs and Serafall themselves. It wasn't my usual type of job, but I honestly found myself bemusedly playing along, and actually enjoying the experience by the end of it.

"Bah," Azazel snorted as I gave him a brief report of my ongoing investigations. He seemed annoyed at the lack of progress. "I didn't mean with Chaos Brigade, I meant with your relationships! Come on, how far have you managed to make it with your two girlfriends?"

Or he was just meddling in my love life.

I probably should have expected that, truth be told. Azazel meddled in everything, but when it came to women he held nothing back. Ise still had dreams of that 'Virgin Graduation Tour' the fallen leader had offered him. I got the impression Rias was going to really have her hands full with that boy.

But beyond that, despite the fact that I really should be blasting him for putting his nose where it didn't belong, I found myself shifting uncomfortably as I tried to find the best way to ask a question that had been bothering me for a while. Azazel seemed to notice my discomfort, and his eyes lit up as he leaned in eagerly.

"Oh! Has 'Fire and Ice' actually made some progress? I thought you were something of a slow developer like Ise, but if there are any juicy details..."

"Don't make me set you on fire," I muttered to him. "Look, I really need to ask someone this, and I just didn't know who to turn to. So I'm just going to bite the bullet and turn to you instead."

"Tsk," Azazel frowned. "Is that any way to ask a favor?"

"It is when you're involved," I told him, rolling my eyes. "Look. I just need to know..."

"Know what?" Azazel prompted me, his grin fading in genuine curiosity. God, I can't believe I'm about to ask this.

"I need to know," I continued, "are devils polygamous?"

"Huh?" Azazel blinked, looking honestly confused by my own confusion.

"It's just, so far, all the devils I've come across seem to be in multiple relationships," I continued, grimacing as I felt my face flushing slightly. "I mean, both Sona and Tsubasa both seem to be perfectly fine with the fact that both of them are after me. Hell's bells, I even found them the other day arguing over who was going to make me lunch on which day of the week. I mean, if they were humans they would be arguing over who gets to do that period, not over which day they do it! And then there's Ruruko and Momo who don't seem to have any problem with each other even if they're both going after Saji. Even Tsubaki and Reya seem to be okay with their Kiba thing. Is this normal, or have I just stumbled on something so outrageous it could only happen to me?"

"Hahaha!" Azazel instantly began to laugh, and I rolled my eyes, letting him get it out of his system. "Oh! I see! Poor little Dresden-kun, not sure what to do now that he's dating a devil! Oh, this is rich!" He managed to tone it down to chuckling, before giving me a sly look. "I notice you didn't mention Ise's little dilemma..."

"I'm not touching that mess with a six foot pole," I told him dryly.

I'm not sure how it happened, but at some point in time it simply became too obvious to ignore. Ise, the king of perverts, the breast obsessed teenager, had, at the tender young age of seventeen, fulfilled his dream of having a harem. And the poor kid didn't even realize it.

It was almost sad to watch from the outside. Not only did Rias and Akeno, two older and damn fine looking girls, seem to have it for the boy, but even sweet and innocent Asia was obviously head over heel for him. Lately, I'd even seen Koneko approaching him. The cat girl actually had taken to sitting in his lap whenever I dropped by the Occult Research Club. And even more boggling was the fact that none of the many girls seemed to have any problem with the others as well.

Everything I knew about conventional human relations would have had Rias and Akeno at each other's necks, seeing as Akeno had started making moves on Ise despite knowing her oldest and most trusted friend Rias was already interested. Stars and stones, Akeno even called it 'adultery play', and apparently had quite the fetish for it. But despite the deliberate NTR, despite the fact that Rias was the master and should have had the power to put her subordinate in her place, whenever it happened the two would just bicker like two girls having a fight over using one of their possessions without asking for permission first it and then just went on with their lives.

I mean, Ise had even confessed that both Rias and Asia slept with him every night. Empty night, he had even let it slip that both of them did it naked.

I'd take the chance to whine about it never being the wizard's turn, but apparently now it was because I was finding myself to be in a similar position more and more. And frankly, it was as confusing as it was strangely satisfying.

And through it all, Ise remained completely ignorant of what was happening around him.

Then again, the flash of a wound, etched in my mind, a fresh and jagged injury on the heart...

*shudder*

I let the memory slide away, another one of those trophies that a Sight user picked up over the years. I decided that it might be best not to interfere on behalf of the other boy. Being confronted by mental trauma could sometimes just make it that much worse. Better to let him get over it on his own.

"Well, I guess it's my job as a teacher to explain," Azazel laughter had diminished until it was just a wry grin, and he gave me an expectant look as he did so. I welcomed the change of subject from my own thoughts.

"I'm still not calling you 'sensei' outside of class," I told him, and he deflated a bit.

"Man, take all the fun out of it," he whined briefly. "It's not that devils are polygamous, per say. It's more that devils have a strong attraction to 'power' than anything else. You could say that it's only when enough power gathers together that you'll see things like that happen."

"What do you mean?" I frowned slightly, not sure if I liked the way this conversation was going.

"Devils are creatures that respond to power, and act on their desires," Azazel shrugged, face turning slightly serious as he elaborated. "Most of the time, the vast majority of devils aren't really that much stronger than humans can be. A good magician or well-trained Sacred Gear user would be around their level. There aren't that many High Classed devils proportionately, seeing as most devils these days are resurrected ones. For devils like that, they generally end up dating and eventually marrying like humans do, just one to one. But when you reach the realm of High Class devil, that's where things start to get a bit different."

"Different as in its suddenly okay to start deciding on who gets which season on the time share for your man?" I pointed out, still not seeing the connection.

"More along the lines that power attracts power," Azazel corrected for me easily enough. "Devils tend to see the benefit of having that power around, and start to gravitate to it. Since devils are logical, if others start gravitating they tend to weigh the benefits of having more powerful people around rather than get upset about it."

"I see," I muttered slowly, rubbing my chin. "So it's some kind of pack mentality? Safety in numbers or something like that?"

"Less safety and more greed," Azazel shook his head, smiling bemusedly. "It's easier to get the things you want if you have strong people around you to help. Add on that most devils with the power to attract that kind of attention are usually of the Upper Class, and it's not so much a cultural thing as a social thing."

"I think I get it," I mumbled, still trying to figure out how 'being attracted to power' ended up with a King and her Rook apparently deciding to set aside the difference in rank and begin negotiating custody instead. "So it's less a matter of people like Rias and Sona being devils, and more an aspect of them being stupidly rich than anything else." I recalled several incidents of regular humans ending up with similar circumstances just because they had the money to back it up.

"The upper class is always a little eccentric," Azazel shook his head disapprovingly, clucking his tongue as he did so.

"Hypocrisy," I nodded sagely as I rolled my eyes, "thy name is Azazel."

Still, despite the fact that I still couldn't wrap my mind around actually seeing it happen, I found I could understand it a bit thanks to Azazel's explanation.

Power had purpose, after all. It made sense that having power would attract power as well.

Still a little boggling in the end though. Especially since, according to Azazel, I apparently had enough power to be caught up in the strange little web of cause and effect.

A mark for bizzaro world, though. In my world, power just tended to make people want to kill you more, or seek to enslave you to their cause by any means necessary, according to the vast amounts of personal experience I'd garnered with it.

Still, I had to know.

"So then, it's not always just the 'one man, multiple women' that I've seen going on here?" I asked.

"Ha! Not always," Azazel confirmed. "Sometimes it's the other way around." He grinned mischievously. "Sometimes, it's one man with multiple men for that matter." His grin turned into a leer. "Or woman on woman too. That one's my favorite."

"I am Jack's complete lack of surprise," I rolled my eyes, and firmly vetoed my hormone's vote to ask for details. "And is it ever just one man, one woman, normal type of relationship despite their power?"

"Oh, that happens too," Azazel confirmed easily. "After all, the current Lucifer is happily married. Even some of my fellow fallen have ended up settling down." He paused, before getting an uncomfortable look. "Actually, now that we're at peace a lot of them have been getting married to devil women. Man, just what was my side doing behind my back all these years?"

"Sexy demon wenches apparently. Don't worry," I told him wondering if it would be too condescending to pat him on the head. "I'm sure that someday, you'll find the perfect woman as well. Someone who will be able to drag you away from your labs, force you to get a nine to five, turn you into a respectable citizen…"

"Dresden-kun," Azazel protested, a pained look on his face.

"Raise two point three kids with," I continued, ignoring his discomfort, "a two story house with a white picket fence, golfing on the weekends..."

"Man, what a boring life," he complained, still grimacing as he shivered. "Please, stop now. I'll have nightmares if you keep it up."

"And someday, after twenty or thirty thousand years to build up your 401k, you'll retire to some cramped assisted living center, grumbling about how your kids never visit, and constantly voicing how glad you were to give up your life of adventure and excitement to settle down…"

"You know, that bar I took you too has been looking around for new dancers," Azazel interrupted with a glare. "And I still have that gender bending gun. Perhaps I can arrange an interview..."

"We swore never to speak of that again!" I snapped, glancing around to make sure no one was around.

"But Dresden-kun," Azazel continued slyly. "I still have so much research for my 'Breast Power' theory that I need to make. And if I recall correctly..."

He trailed off, rolling his eyes and pushing the blasting rod I had put under his chin aside casually. Still, he got the message and let the topic die with a smirk.

Satisfied with that, I let the hellfire fade. I was determined to force myself to believe that the invents in question had never really happened, were all the result of Lash screwing with a dream, and that they would never ever again occur in real life.

I mean occur for the first time, since they never really happened. No matter how hopefully Tsubasa would sometimes bring it up… Okay. I need mind bleach. Now.

"Just how do you make it smell like that?" muttered to himself as he waved the scent of sulfur away. He eyed my blasting rod speculatively as I tucked it back away, but I pointedly ignored him. I knew he was starting to get suspicious of some of my powers, but he was still working under the idea that I was simply a once in a lifetime genius of magic that could do it without calculations, rather than that I was tapping into a separate and distinct source of power, and I was going to keep it that way for as long as I could. "Anyway, I thought I'd come by with the offer to show you something good."

"Well, you're not dressed like a flasher, but use lines like that too often and someone might get to wondering," I told him. Then, despite myself, I found myself growing slightly curious. Azazel might be crazy, but sometimes he tended to cross over into 'crazy like a fox' territory. "And just what might your supposed 'something good' be?"

"The fact that you've now officially written a theme song!" he told me, and I stared blankly at him. "Alright," I sighed. "I give up. I'll bite. What the hell are you talking about?"

Azazel's grin grew. I was beginning to start attributing that expression to inevitable complications of my already strange life.

*Scene Break*

"Of all the things I thought I'd see in life," I began slowly, before grabbing a bite of popcorn, "I can honestly say I'd that this definitely doesn't count among them."

"No!" the voice from the screen cried out dramatically. "Oppai Dragon! Gather your strength! I have come!" I gave a measured look from the screen to the girl who looked exactly like the actress currently hefting her breasts meaningfully on the TV. Rias, probably quite naturally, was about as red as her hair at this point.

"Is that because you never thought you would befriend someone that would become a television star?" Kiba asked curiously, smiling as he took his turn with the popcorn.

"Oh! Switch Princess!" the TV continued. "With this I can win!" Again, I spared a glance between the actor currently using his fingers in a way the boy he looked like wished he could. Ise, matching Rias, was about as red as his armor himself, though he also looked inexplicably happy to see his doppelganger molesting a Rias look alike.

Then, I turned back to Kiba.

"No, its more the very phrase 'Oppai Dragon' is simply so inconceivable that it never even occurred to me as a possible combination," I corrected the Knight. "Though I suppose it sort of fits Ise. In America, we do call TV 'the boob tube'. For a guy like him..."

"Don't underestimate the marketing genius of the Underworld!" Azazel protested proudly. "There is an Oppai Dragon and a Switch Princess, and in times of trouble he turns into the invincible Oppai Dragon by touching Switch Princess' breasts!"

He was silenced as Rias slapped a paper fan down on his head. Personally, I would have used something different. Like my staff. I mean, why not go for broke and use and actual stick for slap- stick comedy?

"Azazel-sensei," she Rias' eye twitched as she went on. "Grayfia already told me everything: that you were the one who sent the idea for Switch Princess to the development team of house Gremory. It's because of you that I... that I'm..."

"Honestly, now that I've gone numb to the shock, I can actually see it: the power of Underworld marketing," I admitted to Kiba, ignoring the drama for the most part. You've seen one embarrassment induced assault by a mortified teenage girl on a higher power and you've seen them all.. "I mean, combining the words 'oppai' and 'dragon' certainly seems like a match made in hell."

"You know, I actually feel kind of proud of my childhood friend getting famous like this!" The speaker was relatively new to the group. Her name was Irina Shidou, and as advertised before was someone that Ise had apparently known back when they were kids. She was a cheerful brunette that was nearly bursting with youthful enthusiasm and excitement, and was fairly attractive even by the standards of the group I found myself spending my time in. She was also, of all things, an Angel.

Somehow, I was terribly, terribly underwhelmed.

Then again, the whole scenario was kind the flavor of strange I had gotten so used to ever since I made my way to Bizzaro World. On the screen, the actors who were apparently CGed to look like both Rias and Ise finished saving the world from the over the top machinations of the villain of the week, and now it was my turn to lean forward eagerly as the ending music started to play.

"There's an oppai loving dragon on the edge of a certain country," the theme song began, and I nodded in satisfaction as I started listening to the music.

"Er, Dresden," Ise seemed to have noticed the fact that I was paying more attention to the music than I had to the actual show. On his lap, as I probably should have predicted, Koneko was giving me a blank look. "I don't suppose… it's not possible, but maybe I should ask… but do you actually like that song?"

"I see," Xenovia nodded thoughtfully, a serious look on her face. "So this is the kind of thing magicians are fond of. The world is a large and mysterious place."

"I admit, the lyrics are a bit odd," I defended myself, pointing at the screen as I did so. I couldn't help but defend the song for one reason alone: "But I'm rather proud of my guitar. I thought I think the vibrato gives it a classy feel in spite of the pop nature of the song."

"Er, wait," Ise's eyes shot open at my confession, and at his side, I saw Rias palming her forehead in despair. "You don't mean that's you playing?"

"Lyrics by the Director of the Grigori," Kiba sighed, looking resigned. "Music and choreography by two of the Maou. Performance by a magician capable of magic without formula. What kind of monster song is this?"

"I was surprised when Sirzechs actually took me up on the offer to make a band," I continued in a solemn voice, "but when the Devil comes with a deal like that, sometimes you just have to go with the flow. I wonder, is my soul in danger of perdition now? Have I started on a slippery slope? First,

the band. Next: concerts. Before you know it, you find yourself a washed out has been making a living signing old cd art at county fairs. Ah, the future before me is bleak."

"Ah, I don't think you need to worry, Dresden-kun!" Asia quickly chimed in, the adorable blonde giving me an earnest look as she hurried to sooth my sarcastic soul. "I think you're a good person! I'm sure you'll succeed better than that if you try!"

"Thank you, Sister," I told her gently, already knowing that explaining that I was trying to be funny through the use of hyperbole, often known as sarcasm, was a cause as lost as trying to get Ise to commit to a life of celibacy. At least I had gotten used to the fact that Asia and my special brand of humor just didn't mix, and I no longer felt like I had to give her candy as an apology for taking advantage of her innocent nature.

"Still, I can't believe that something like 'Oppai Dragon' has gotten so big," Ise sighed, sounding conflicted about his success. I didn't blame him at all, all things considered. "I mean, once it was released it became a monster show, getting over fifty percent viewings. I can't understand why something like this got so big in the Underworld."

"I can offer no defense," Kiba apologized for the rest of the devils out there, a resigned expression showing he still had sanity despite being a member of the same race.

"...it has even exceeded 'Miracle Levi-tan', the former most popular show in children and young teens," Koneko added, nodding seriously as she further destroyed the image of devils as being fierce and proud creatures, an image that was already pretty much at its lowest after the last few months.

"Mou, I think its fun!" Irina protested, making poses which I only vaguely recognized as being popular from the sentai and tokusatsu genres. I was more a Saturday morning cartoon kid, back before magic had rendered me a luddite.

"I still think the trends of the Underworld are weird!" Ise moaned in defeat. I gave him what I hoped I had managed to pass off as a helpful look.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, just imagine the long term consequences," I offered him, and he gave me a cautious look.

"Long term?" he asked, experience causing him to pass 'hopeful' and move straight to 'dread'. At least someone here knew me well enough to know when I was winding up for the pitch.

"Children will imitate what they see on TV, and everywhere young children will be poking breasts and offering to be poked with childish innocence, until it becomes a common thing to see on playgrounds all throughout hell," I described my vision of the world with a smirk. "In high schools, due to the popularity of the show it will soon be a common thing for young men to confess, 'I love you! Please! Be my Switch-Princess!' as they grope the boobs of the girls they have crushes on…"

"Erk," Ise groaned, grimacing as he started to cradle his head. "Dresden... please... stop..."

"And everywhere, consenting adults will have a new role play that they can use as foreplay, cosplaying men in armor and women in hand made Switch-Princess gowns all beginning their sessions with a little groping," I went on grandly, gesturing wide with one hand. "A new age has come to the Underworld, an age that will share your vision about breasts, one where oppai has become so mainstream that they will be used for..."

I was cut off from my grand vision by being introduced to Rias' fan as well.

"My, my," Akeno at least was giggling, though it looked like I took the joke a little to in the 'M' rating for some of the present. Kiba and Koneko were both blushing, and Asia looked as red as Rias did.

Akeno on the other hand… "What a good thought! To dress like the Switch-Princess while doing it... it just makes it feel even more like an affair than before!"

"Hmmm," Xenovia nodded her head seriously, folding her arms as she sank into thought. "So, flirting can be done like that too..."

"Ah! M-my wings! Noooo! I'll fall! I might just fall thinking about it!" Irina declared, and I watched as her wings started to alternate between light and dark like a strobe light as she blushed and cradled her face. I half expected Azazel to be all over that, but a glance at the fallen just showed him grinning victoriously as he quickly jotted something down on a notebook I could have sworn he hadn't had a second ago.

"Genius! I have to get this to marketing immediately! That Fire and Ice might be on to something. We could probably have ero-Switch-Princess designs done by the end of the week…" I heard him mumble to himself, and frowned.

"Hey! It was my idea," I told him, "I expect to get some royalties from them!" "Deal!" Azazel quickly agreed.

"No deal!" Rias interrupted frantically. "I already have trouble walking the streets of the Underworld because of this! Don't make it even worse!"

"Worse like asking you what would happen if your brother found out that they were planning erotic play costumes based around your character?" I asked innocently, and was treated to the sight of Rias going from pure red to pure white.

Considering what a sis-con the Lucifer was, I don't think Rias was imagining her brother as growing outraged and stopping the whole thing. Frankly, I sort of bet he'd be one of the first ones in line. Though who knows how he'd get Grayfia to go along with it.

Chaos, horror, despair, Lash sounded proud. You have learned well. I am proud of you, my host. So proud.

'Now I know I did something wrong in life,' I told her back.

"A world..." Ise whispered, sounding torn between the same despair his King was feeling and a sort of sublime hope at the vision I had presented to him occurring. "Oppai-topia... A world like that, and maybe because of me..."

He shook himself, one last fleeting expression of hope on his face before he winced, and then grimaced, rubbing his arm.

"Dresden, I think you better stop," he told me regretfully. "I think Ddraig's spirit might have taken a critical blow..."

"What do you mean?" I couldn't help but frown, eying the arm in question as I did. Ise gave an embarrassed laugh.

"It's just, with the phrase 'oppai dragon', er, he really doesn't seem happy with everyone calling him that," Ise went on to explain. "He keeps sighing a lot, and he seems low tension. I think it's really getting to him."

"Huh," I mumbled, rubbing my chin. "A spirit trapped in your body becoming embarrassed an annoyed by its host's actions to the point where it starts to get depressed. What a novel thought."

I wonder what it must be like? Lash wondered dryly. Truly, where would he possibly find anything with the same experiences as that? Surely, he must be a unique creature. I would speak with him, if you will, my host.

'What, disappointed disembodied spirits unite or something?' I had to hold back a grin.

That, and to recommend that hair pulling somehow be introduced into 'Oppai Dragon', Lash supplied easily. If the breast dragon over there should have the chance of his ideal future world, I would be remiss not to seek to add my own host's dream to that future.

'You're never talking to anyone again,' I told her immediately, and she laughed softly.

"Really," Azazel continued to chuckle, glancing between Ise and me. "For the Great Red to be driven to such a state. You should be careful of your partner's peace of mind, Ise-kun. You too, Dresden-kun. If you keep on encouraging him, then Ise's dream might really come true. Imagine what that would do to the Red Dragon Emperor."

"Hmmm," I hummed softly to myself, stroking my chin. "You mean I should keep in mind his state of mind when talking about Y Ddraig Goch?"

"Y Ddraig Goch?" Ise repeated, sounding surprised, before glancing at his arm again and blinking. "Wait, Ddraig is asking if you know about him from before?"

"Well, yeah," I shrugged, finding that much of the room had started to take interest as well. "I mean, I'm pretty well grounded in the classics, even if a lot of it turned out to be a little off. You mean you didn't?"

"Er," Ise grinned awkwardly, rubbing his head. "I guess I never really thought of it. I mean, Ddraig is here, in the Sacred Gear, so I never really wondered about what he was like before. I heard he was always fighting with the Albion though..."

"Well, the story of Y Ddraig Goch is mostly lost," I began, leaning back to take a bit more popcorn, "but legends of him have been prevalent in Wales for a long time. Supposedly, the Red Dragon was used as King Arthur's battle standard. He's thought to be the representation of all of Wales, and he's a really popular symbol there even today."

"Really?" Ise perked, sounding surprised. It was my turn to be surprised when Irina burst in.

"Yeah! When I was growing up in England, we went to Wales a few time for vacation! Lots of red dragons are there!" she explained easily enough, apparently calming down from her earlier brush with temptation. "I never knew those were Ddraig though!"

"Oh?" Ise gave his arm another surprised look. "Look, Ddraig! You're still famous!"

"Most of his legend was around the time of King Llud," I went on. "According to the Mabinogian, one of the oldest collection of Welsh stories, every May Day, great screams would echo through the kingdom, causing plants and animals to die, and children to be stillborn. He found out that the screams were from Ddraig, caused by his fights with the white invader, Albion I guess, as the two dragons fought every year. Eventually, the king dug a deep pit, filled it with mead, and when the two dragons drank it and fell asleep he imprisoned them deep underground in a stone chest. Centuries later, when King Vortigern tried to build a castle there it would always collapse because even buried, the two dragons were still fighting, causing the earth to shake."

"That," Rias began, having recovered her composure enough to rejoin the conversation, "fits with the facts that we know..."

"Wha..." Ise began, before pausing and cocking his head to the side. "Ddraig is saying this story is really nostalgic. He says that he remembered the mead, but that it wasn't what stopped them. It was after that that God of the Bible, the original Maou, and the Fallen all banded together to stop them. I guess the story just happened at around the same time..." he mumbled the last bit to himself, still looking like he was listening. "But afterwards, he and Albion would often fight at some place called 'Dina Emrys'..."

"Interesting," Kiba noted. Just about everyone in the room seemed enraptured by the story as they fit what myths had drifted through history with one of the actual people, er, creatures that had caused those myths.

"Those two dragons were always pretty wild, just barging into whatever fight they came across just to fight each other," Azazel noted, sighing in nostalgia. "Though I hope that helps remind you not to take the spirit of a legendary dragon so lightly!"

"Hmmm," I took another handful of popcorn. "About that... Ise, is Ddraig still listening?"

"Um," he began, before nodding immediately. "Yeah, he's still paying attention. Did you want to ask him something?"

"It's just, I'm wondering," I began softly, "does he know just how many innocent mortals his battles with the white dragon killed? I mean, his screams of pain caused unborn babies to die in the womb. I can't imagine just how many people were killed, how many homes destroyed, how many lives ruined."

"Erk," Ise turned a little pale, glancing down at his hand again as he started to sweat slightly. I heard a couple of sharp breaths as well. I don't think any of them really caught it when I first mentioned just what the dragon's mere cries of pain could do to the world. I don't think many of them had ever thought just how massive a source of loss of lives the creature in the nice but perverted boy's arm really represented. "He says he doesn't really know..."

"I see," I nodded calmly. Then I went on. "Oppai dragon."

"Erk!" Ise jerked, shaking his arm at that. "Dresden..."

"What is it, Ise?" I asked serenely. "I was just trying to talk to the tit wyvern in your arm."

"Ah," he paused, wincing. "Er, I think I see what you're doing, and I think I get why you're doing it..."

"Oh? You mean the way I'm taking advantage of the knockers wyrm's captivity to purposefully humiliate him in a way to help emphasize his punishment for how many countless innocent lives he's destroyed?"

"I'm impressed," Azazel whistled. "What a merciless attack on an already weakened foe. It's actually almost artistic."

I agree, Lash chimed in sagely. Well played, Warden.

'If you want to help, give me more synonyms for "dragon",' I told her. 'I didn't really brush up, so I'm running short.'

When she immediately supplied three more that I hadn't thought of, I knew I had made the right choice, all those years ago, when I started feeding her my soul to let her live in my head.

"While I can appreciate your position," Rias began, looking torn between amusement and worry as she glanced between me and Ise's arm. "If you damage the Sekiryuutei too much, I'm worried about how it might affect his power, and how that might come back on Ise..."

"I see," I nodded slowly, deciding to back down. For now. If Ddraig got too bad, it might put Ise in danger, and I still liked the kid. I could hold back a bit.

Right after this last one.

"Well, that's enough for today, funbags drake," I decided, and Ise twitched.

"He actually started to cry..." I heard him whisper.

"There, there," a new voice cut in, and I bore witness to another one of those mind bending moments where Akeno practically buried Ise's head from behind in her cleavage, and no one in the room that also had an interest in him romantically even blinked at the motion. "Let's let Ddraig rest for now. After all, you still have to keep your promise to me..."

"Promise?" the poor kid seemed like he couldn't decide between trying to get the crying legendary creature in his arm to calm down, or simply do what was come natural and get excited over some oppai time.

"To take me on a date!" the dark haired girl declared, her tone unusually cute and lacking a lot of her usual composure. It caught me by surprise how different the usual dominatrix could act.

And, strangely enough, the way every girl with a claim on the boy suddenly went from relaxed to passively hostile. They could stand physical molestation, but they couldn't handle a date?

Freaking teenagers.

And oh god, I was one of them now.

*Scene Break*

"This is really boring," Tsubasa noted, pursing her lips as she finally broke her silence. "Though it is a little reassuring that this really is just studying, it's a little disappointing as well."

"Disappointing?" Tsubaki bit on the line that Tsubasa was dangling, even as I rolled my eyes and Sona narrowed hers at her disobedient Rook. Tsubasa had insisted on staying for the rest of the lesson, and when Sona had tried to protest the Rook had pointed out that the fastest way to convince her that this wasn't a date was to let her sit in every once in a while.

Sona had allowed it, but she seemed annoyed by the other girl's presence. At least until Tsubasa had volunteered to help the Kaichou and Fukukaichou with their leftover work.

"Does the thickness of the inscription have any effect on the rune itself, or is it purely cosmetic?" I asked Sona, switching between my book on black magic (which really wasn't as bad as I thought. It focused mostly on offensive and defensive uses of magic. Not like faerie magic which was mostly illusions and misdirection) and the book on demonic magic (also nowhere near as bad as it would have been in my world. Demonic magic was mostly a codified method of using demonic power.

Basically a way for devils to save power by using their power through a circle rather than just brute forcing their power inefficiently into doing what they want). "I can't find anything in here that clears that up."

"The thickness of the symbol can have an effect," Sona answered me easily, not looking up from her screen as she continued to type. "However, only in higher level circles. Spells with consecutive mandalas of more than four typically need to have proper calibration in order to work more efficiently, with each level requiring finer and finer tuning."

"Is that a universal rule, or is it specific to certain schools?" I frowned, scribbling an idea out in my notebook as I readjusted an angle. "Or is it universal but every school calculates differently?"

"The last," Sona informed me.

"Disappointing, because if Kaichou had been taking advantage of it I would have been able to be more aggressive too," Tsubasa answered Tsubaki's earlier prompting. "If it's just studying, then it would be against the rules."

I really wanted to ask just what 'rules' she was referring to, but I secretly suspected it was one of those girl things that no boy really would ever understand or even want to know. Instead, I decided to focus on the reason I was here. "Do you have anything on those? I'd like to get the rules straight in my head as quick as possible."

"You are still only at a level of two mandalas," Sona pointed out to me, pausing and giving me a quick look.

"The earlier I get into the habit of considering it, the easier it will be when it becomes an issue," I returned, and she nodded at my reasoning. She smiled slightly, before resuming her work.

"That is quite diligent of you, Dresden-kun," she praised me and I shrugged, more focused on my notes.

"Are there any other things like that which will be more important down the line?" I asked. "I'd like to get an early start on all of them in the same way."

"Well, orientation of spell placement can be affected at higher levels," Sona mused. "Is that alignment polar reflected?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Yes, along mundane latitude and longitude measurements." "Magnetic north or true north?"

"True."

"Any kind of solar influence? Seasonal adjustments and stuff?"

"I've only heard of it in Norse magic," Sona admitted, again pausing and frowning as she considered. "But it may be possible in higher level Fey magic. I shall have to research that as well." She shook her head slightly. "I apologize, Dresden-kun. It seems my own knowledge was insufficient."

"Stop learning, start dying," I shrugged. You didn't need to tell me that no one was perfect. I was quite experienced with that.

"Er," Tsubaki began, looking back and forth between the two of us slowly, a hesitant expression on her face. "It seems my own knowledge of magic might be less than I thought. I'm afraid I'm having trouble keeping up with their conversation."

"It's a good think Meguri-chan isn't here, or she might end up getting dizzy and needing to sit down," Tsubasa agreed, also looking distinctly put out. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but just what are you two talking about?"

"If you are going to insist on being present, could you at least please refrain from interrupting the lessons?" Sona frowned, giving a pointed look at her Rook, but I just waived, leaning back and rubbing the bridge of my nose slightly.

"It's fine," I told her, letting out a deep breath. "I could use a quick break. I'll need to change my approach anyway. A second to let my head clear might be a good idea."

"I see," Sona's frown deepened before she relented, nodding as well. The steady 'clack clack' of her fingers on the keyboard stopped as well, and she echoed my own sigh a second later as she pulled her glasses off to rub her temple. "Perhaps you're right."

"Well, if you're having a break, I really would be interested in hearing a bit about what you were discussing," Tsubaki also seemed willing to take a moment, but she also seemed genuinely interested in what we were talking about. "While I have studied magic, I am not familiar with much of what you were talking about."

"I agree," Tsubasa nodded along, giving me a hopeful look. "Could you explain it, Harry-kun? I would like to know more about your interests."

"Well, sure I guess," I shrugged a bit, feeling a little self-conscious about the way she phrased that. "Where do you want me to start? We were kind of hoping all over the place there."

"Well, for starters, what is a 'mandala'?" Tsubaki began. Tsubasa nodded as well, and I gave the two of them a careful look.

"You two," I began, "when you said you studied magic, are you meaning that you learned a bunch of spells, right?"

"Well, yes," Tsubaki answered, sounding confused. "Isn't that the way to study magic?"

"I'm beginning to get the impression that's what most people define it as," I muttered, "in which case I feel insulted as a true researcher." Shaking my head, I went on in a more normal tone of voice. "Alright. First off, a mandala is what you call the actual inscription that you're using when you cast a spell. See, right here," I held up a hand, and Tsubaki flinched as a spell winked into existence in front of me, a slowly spreading glow that outlined a basic spell. "Do you see how the entire spell is enclosed into the defining circle? Technically speaking, that is a mandala."

"I didn't even know it had a name," Tsubasa admitted shamelessly. The rook had gotten up from her seat to circle around near me so she could study the spell more carefully. "But should you be casting in school like this? Isn't it dangerous?"

"Relax," I assured her. "This spell would need a lot more power than I'm providing it to activate. This is just a good way to get a visual that wouldn't require me stealing a chalkboard."

"And thus would not cause me to discipline you for theft of school property," Sona added, folding her arms as she did so.

"You'll never take me alive, copper," I told her right back.

"You mentioned earlier about concentric mandalas?" Tsubaki prompted, watching me attentively. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, depending on the spell, it may involve more than one mandala for casting. Multiple mandalas

act like sort of additional instructions for the spell itself. Like in black magic, a magic arrow…"

"Elemental lance," Sona corrected me, using the technical term and I went on using the geek term.

"...The magic arrow might have one mandala governing the element and strength of the attack, and a second mandala to program in something like it being heat seeking or something." As a visual, I formed another spell, and then while it was still tracing another one beside it. "How the mandala is arranged can be important too. See," I pointed at the first one which had a series of three circles all connected together, "this style has multiple mandala working in conjunction while this one," I pointed at the second spell which had multiple circles encompassing each other in a kind of ripple effect, "has multiple mandala encircling each other. The way they are aligned can have different effects on the spell as a whole."

"Interesting," Tsubaki seemed genuinely impressed. "I was not aware of any of this. I mean, I knew about the altering of the runes themselves can affect a spell, but I've never really studied it beyond the most basics."

"Then you wouldn't have heard of these," I assured her. "Altering the internal workings of a spell can change it, but if you alter it too much you might ending up ruining the spell or making it accomplish something different from what you intended. But things like this," I formed two more circles, both of them nearly identical accept for a spot I indicated. It was the faerie light spell I had first broke my teeth on formulaic magic with. "This right here dictates how long the spell will last after its cast, but if I did that then also tried to do something like change the color of a spell," a new circle shimmered, this one again slightly different in two places, "then the whole thing turns into a concussion waiting to happen."

"Having Argento-san around has been most helpful," Sona sighed. Tsubaki glanced at her before realizing that I was probably speaking from experience about the concussion thing.

There was a reason I was insistent on practicing magic well away from innocent bystanders, or why I continued to have Sona teach me instead of just taking my books and trying my luck.

"Mandala crafting studies are actually pretty high leveled, or so I'm told," I went on. "Usually used when a magician is trying to create a new spell from scratch. It's the kind of thing that only the really serious researchers get into, not just for casual practitioners."

"So if it's for higher level magicians, then why is a beginner like you studying it so early?" Tsubaki asked, before realizing how blunt that was. "I apologize," she immediately held up a hand in embarrassment, "I didn't mean for it to come out like that..."

"Hey now," I frowned, holding up a hand to call on my little ball of sunshine for emphasis. "I might be a rookie when it comes to calculated magic, but I'm an experienced wizard."

"When Dresden-kun began studying, he decided that rather than simply begin learning magic by rote as most magicians begin, to instead study it from the ground up," Sona declared, sounding a little too proud of my accomplishments. "Supplemented by his already developed abilities, he willing put himself into a position where he would learn calculated magic from its most basics. His progress has been nothing less than remarkable, already at a level which surpasses that of any apprentice in terms of foundations. At his rate of progress, he will become an accomplished magician in an unbelievably small period of time."

"I see," Tsubasa sounded slightly impressed, before I caught her smile. "I never would have suspected that Kaichou is the type to brag about her boyfriend."

"T-That is not what I'm doing!" Sona stuttered, before clearing her throat and adjusting her glasses, looking awkwardly to the side. "I-I might have grown a bit excited since Dresden-kun's progress will mean he will be at a suitable level for me to contract with him shortly, but i-it wasn't so far as 'bragging'."

"I'm impressed," Tsubaki looked like she was suppressing a smile as well. "I had often wondered what Kaichou would be like if she were in love. It seems she is the type to grow even more adorable."

I briefly wondered how we had gone from discussing fundamental magical theory to talking about relationships, before realizing that I was surrounded by teenage girls and realized that it was probably an inevitable turn in the conversation.

Also, I found myself agreeing with the 'adorable' comment, much to my hormones' sound approval.

"You two," Sona frowned, and it looked like despite her embarrassment at her friends teasing she was starting to get a little upset. "I'll get mad."

"H-Haha," Tsubasa looked a little twitchy as she verbally backpedaled. "Sorry, Kaichou. It's just that you really have changed since you and Harry-kun started spending time together."

I noticed that even as she apologized, the Rook had put her hands down into a protective shield around her butt. I remembered Saji's punishment, and found myself considering the likelihood of Tsubasa having experienced her own spanking at some point in the past.

My hormones demanded that I further contemplate just what THAT would have looked like, and I decided that I needed to change the subject extremely quickly or risk teenage embarrassment that I had long since thought I would no longer need to worry about.

"Anyway," I broke in a little loudly before coughing to clear my throat. "So, yeah. I get the impression that most magicians begin by studying the spells themselves, and once they reach a high enough level with using them that's when they begin studying how to alter or create them. Since I'm already an accomplished wizard, I decided to begin formulaic magic from the ground up instead of just trying to get high level spells right off the bat. I won't be throwing around large scale spells with it right from the start like other magicians might, but I think it will pay off in the long run when I'm able to adjust and make those kind of spells on the fly instead of just using what's in the tin."

"It's an ambitious goal," Tsubaki smiled at me, also looking a little relieved that the topic had been changed from their teasing their King. She didn't look quite as nervous as Tsubasa did, but I did catch a faint jerk of her hand as though to cover her own butt as well. Again, my hormones announced their interest in pursuing this train of thoughts, but this time my logic found itself interested as well.

I mean, from a purely mechanical perspective, just how would someone as short as Sona go about spanking someone as tall as Tsubaki?

Unaware of my sudden mental image, Tsubaki continued. "So have you progressed to the point of being able to make your own spells yet?"

"Er," I shook my head, focusing yet again. "Not quite," I admitted, "but I've had some success at altering spells significantly."

"You mean this?" Tsubasa asked, leaning over me to point at one of the spell circles I was sketching in my notebook. I nearly jumped as when she did she casually put one hand on my shoulder.

It was something I noticed in the past, but Tsubasa never seemed to pass the chance to touch me when she could. It was never anything out of line or anything, usually just a hand on my shoulder or against my elbow during conversation, but it was regular enough for me to notice. Touch is a powerful evoker of emotions, and it had been a long time since someone had touched me as casually as she tended to. Most of my physical contact the last few years had been violent in origin, not gentle like this.

Tsubasa seemed to realize my train of thought as my eyes glanced at the hand on my shoulder, and her smile was a bit warmer than it normally was as I pulled my eyes back to the notebook she was pointing at.

"Yeah," I tapped the drawing before using my hand to open the black magic book to a particular tab. "See, this is the original."

"A shield against fire?" Tsubaki prompted, leaning over to review the spell. "But don't you already have protection against that?"

"Yeah, and mine's actually better than this one," I nodded, before starting to indicate the changes. "But if I change this section here, it lowers the temperature that it affects. Here and here change it from repulsing to instead drawing it in. And this final one causes it to disperse the heat uniformly around the edges of the spell instead of directly off."

"Disperses?" Tsubaki frowned, going over the changes in her head as she tried to reason through what I was attempting here. "I'm sorry, Dresden-kun, but for what purpose would you make a spell like this? It seems ineffective for combat..."

"I'm making it because it's the middle of summer, I spend a lot of time in the outdoors trying to track down extremely dangerous criminals, and my protective enchantments are all on a hot leather coat," I reminded her dryly.

Tsubaki blinked, staring at me, before Tsubasa suddenly started to giggle, the hand that had been pointing coming up to her mouth. Finally Tsubaki smiled as well, closing her eyes as she shook her head.

"I thought you had enchantments for that already too?" she asked.

"Yeah, and this one is better," I admitted dryly. "I have to wash my coat lining a lot, otherwise all that sweat would be proof about why I put the 'ick' in 'magic'."

"While not the most noble or glorious of spells, it is suitable for a beginner at crafting formulas," Sona reassured me, though she looked more put out on that amused by my mundane sorcery.

"I promise I'll teach it to you all once its finished," I told her with a grin. "You'll understand once you have a Rating Game in a desert or something."

Sona actually paused as she considered that. "Actually, thank you Dresden-kun. I shall hold you to that."

After all, it wasn't like I was the only one that was rocking their very own enchanted overcoats these days.

Just like I had promised, once the lessons had started I had been ready to work my protective mojo. Everyone had been eager to get theirs, but an unexpected hitch developed when I asked them where they wanted the spells.

You'd think that would have been the easy part, but then again, you might not have taken into consideration the fashion consciousness of teenage girls.

Sona had wanted them done on robes that could be put over their normal uniforms, but Tomoe, Tsubasa, and surprisingly Tsubaki had all protested that the long flowing garments would only interfere in physical combat. That and Saji thought they was too feminine for him. That had only gotten worse when I pointed out that if they used them outside of the Underworld then they risked standing out too much as cosplayers, either that or people would wonder why they were walking around in the bathrobes. After that, coats had been decided on, but that only prompted what kind of coat would be best, which ones would be the most fashionable at the greatest coverage, and whether or not they would be uniform or to the taste of the wearer.

I had launched my campaign for dusters, the most awesome and practical of garments in my humble opinion, but unfortunately it appears my own fashion sense was not in alignment with theirs. That and Saji refused to have anything that made him look like he was copying me.

And so, after much debate (most of which I found wholly irrelevant to the actual topic and somewhat nonsensical at times, but hey, I'm a guy) Dresden's Protective line of clothes made its debut on eight different jackets of various shape, size, and fashions. Only Tsubaki had ended up with a long coat to protect her legs though, which made me shake my head at their lack of wisdom. Then again, maybe it's something you only really worry about after the first time a Malk tries to hamstring you.

I had even made it in time for their first Rating Game. Apparently it hadn't been enough for them to pull it off over Rias group, but I got favorable reports back from Tsubasa, Tsubaki and Tomoe about the light protection working.

Sona had been down for a few days after that, though treating her to udon seemed to work. I wasn't going to point fingers, but that girl really had a thing for the noodley dish.

"Now, before we finish this break and return to our studies, there is one more thing that needs to be addressed," Sona continued, adjusting her glasses as she did so. "Namely, how much longer are you going to continue to molest Dresden-kun, Yura-chan?"

"Molest?" Tsubasa protested immediately, tightening her grip on my shoulder rather than letting go like Sona no doubt had intended. "This isn't molesting, Kaichou! This is skinship!"

"It is not skinship if someone is constantly forcing the contact on another!" Sona declared, folding her arms with a huff. "Don't think I haven't noticed how often you've commenced this shameful unsolicited touching."

"Shameful!" Tsubasa protested. "There is nothing shameful about it! Skinship is natural between two friends. Like this!"

"Y-Yura-chan!" Sona's tone turned high-pitched in surprise, and I nearly jumped out of my seat as Tsubasa proceeded to remove her hand from my shoulder so she could wrap both of them around me from behind and pull my head back into her chest in a Rook empowered hug. "Unhand Dresden- kun at once!"

"No! Kaichou always has all the advantages, and is always monopolizing Harry-kun's time," Tsubasa declared. "Skinship is the quickest method to help getting Harry-kun comfortable around me. Also, even though I've been worried, these dates are really nothing but studying. Harry-kun is going to think you a dull woman if you don't do something more exciting, Kaichou!"

"A d-d-dull w-w-woman!" Sona flinched back at the accusation before glaring, the light hitting her glasses. "Yura-chan, not only do you interrupt my time alone with Dresden, but then accuse me of being a dull woman. Are you trying to earn some more discipline?"

"So you do consider this as time alone with Harry-kun rather than actual studying," Tsubasa triumphantly pointed out, though she had indeed started backing away, her hands cradling her butt again as she paled at the threat. I noticed this, naturally, only as a result of me tracking her hands down, and my eyes did not linger there because of what was behind them. Though when Tsubasa realized I was watching, a sudden thought seemed to occur to her. "And if you do discipline me, are you intending to do so with Harry-kun watching?"

Sona flinched at the suddenly hopeful note in her Rook's tone, and seemed to realize what the other girl was implying. "H-How shameless! To even use your disciplining to attempt to entice him! You truly are a shameless woman, Yura Tsubasa!"

"And with this I feel we can safely say that today's productivity is at an end," Tsubaki murmured to me, still smiling behind a hand as she sidled over to me to take Tsubasa's place as the rook stomped over so she could match Sona glare for glare as they argued.

"I always was a little jealous when something like this happened to my brother," I admitted, watching as the prelude to a catfight unfurled before me. "But now that it happens, all I feel is uncomfortable. I bet you devils are doing this on purpose as some sort of monkey paw type wish granting."

"Well done, Dresden-kun," Tsubaki told me dryly. "You have seen through our evil ways. Know this, that nothing you can do will stop our heinous plans."

"I think you might be spending too much time around me," I told her just as dryly back. "You're starting to get the hang of my wiseass-fu. Either that or I'm a good influence."

Do not fool yourself, my host, Lash added with a soft laugh. Know that is entirely my own machinations that have brought this change. Even imprisoned with you, my will can still be wrought upon the world.

I would have considered that ominous foreshadowing back in my world, but it doesn't really count seeing as I already knew how much damage Lash could do even within me, and I also knew her new goals were no longer the enslavement of my soul but rather the creation of a harem.

Still not sure which was the most evil of goals for her to have, but at least she had taken up constructive evil as a hobby rather than normal evil.

"So I guess I'm doomed," I sighed in response to Tsubaki's earlier words. "It seems there's no way of stopping this..."

'This' being the fact that Sona had started stomping her foot angrily as Tsubasa waived her hands in the air, the two of them leaning in and fighting in that not quite yelling way they had.

"Well," Tsubaki began slowly, "there is one way."

"Oh?" I couldn't help but ask slowly, wondering just what it was that the tall Queen was pondering. "And that is?"

"Kaichou, Yura-chan," Tsubaki called out in a tone appropriate for interrupting the battle of women before me, "Dresden-kun just said he's found a new Udon stand a few stations down."

"Wait, wha-" I began in surprise. I mean, yeah, I had in fact found a new one, seeing as Udon had proven its worth when it came to bribing just about all of Sona's peerage including her, but I didn't think Tsubaki knew that when she spoke up...

"It seems we must postpone this conversation," Sona immediately declared, adjusting her glasses as though she hadn't just been acting like a spoiled little girl a few moments ago.

"Indeed, Kaichou," Tsubasa also nodded, her arms folded as she regained the cool demeanor that made her the idol of many of the girls in the school. Like that, a truce has been called. Tsubaki smirked a bit, backing away from me slightly as though to put space between her and something dangerous.

Oh ho. So that was Tsubaki's plan? To interrupt their argument with promises of Udon, only for the revelation that I was in fact Udonless to unite the warring factions against me, all while she sat back and got to continue enjoying the spectacle, all the while?

Clever, but not clever enough, little baby devil.

"How about I treat both of you as a thanks for your hard work these last couple of days?" I offered cheerfully. Tsubaki's eyes widened as she realized that not only was her plan foiled, but there was actually a chance to enjoy the dish that she too loved so well. "Tsubaki has already volunteered to stay behind and finish everything up."

And like that her smile disappeared, realizing too late what it meant to match wits with a wizard. "B-but..." Tsubaki started to stutter in protest, but was interrupted almost immediately.

"Thank you, Tsubasa," Sona nodded at her Queen regally. "Your dedication to your duties is most admirable. We will be sure to report the results of this investigation if they bear fruit."

"Shinra-senpai is amazing," Tsubasa also seriously praised the taller girl. "To allow both of us time to be with Harry-kun, away from others. She is so supportive of the relations of others."

"B-but, I-I-I…" Tsubaki realized too late how the tables could be turned. There was no way she could go back on my words, not after she had been praised like that. Slumping in defeat, her eyes watering, she accepted my victory. "H-have fun you three..."

And even as I savored my victory, I still couldn't help but wonder just what the big deal with Udon really was.

The story continues in "Beyond the Outer Gates Lies... A high school library?" by Xavon Wrentaile.