IMPORTANT NOTE!

The following two chapters originally belonged to Gabriel Blessing's "Beyond the Outer Gates Lies", which is currently under continuation by Xavon Wrentaile in "Beyond the Outer Gates Lies... A high school library?".

They have never been published in the original story and could only be found under the following link:

wwwXfanfictionXnet/topic/88086/107502467/1/Compilation-Beyond-the-Outer-Gates-Lies-Dragons-by-Gabriel-Blessing

(replace X with '.')

Since hardly anyone either bothered to look for them or didn't even know about them, I decided to publish them myself.

I would like to note the following:

- This story and its direct continuation belong to Gabriel Blessing and Xavon Wrentaile and only them

- I was in no way involved in the creation of this story

- I have published the following two chapters to support the original authors and to share this part of the story with other fans

- I have NOT done this to get recognition for their work

- If the original authors ask me to, or publish the missing chapters themselves (which would be for the best), this story will be deleted immediately

The story continues where Chapter 3 ends in the original.

Beyond the Outer Gate Lies... My Inner Feminine Side?

The first thing that hit me when I opened the door to the ORC was, 'Who the hell had scheduled some kind of cross-dressing convention in here?'

I had shown up as the dog of the Student Council, the poor exploited self-employed worker being oppressed by the tyrannical fists of my demonic overlord.

In other words, Sona had my laptop again, and once more I was being forced to run errands in order to guarantee its safety. If this kept up much longer, I was going to set up a serious time sheet and start charging her my normal rates. The hours she was putting me through would easily cover the cost of my internet at this point.

Then again, I don't think charging someone who I thought of, in an extremely tentative and incredibly cautious sort of fashion, as a friend who was a girl and maybe a bit more than a friend at this point might end up burning bridges I had only started to actually consider.

"Er," I began, taking a slow look around the clubroom, the hand holding the printouts that Sona had wanted me to deliver falling slowly to my side as I honestly considered just shutting the door, going back, and telling her that Rias and the others had been out. It was true, from what I could see, and I'd rather not mention the parade of young men who were all wearing school girl uniforms. One of them caught my eye, his distinctive hair being enough for me to at least make a guess as to a relation in his case. "Sorry for the interruption, Rias' crossdressing brother, or cousin, or whatever, but do you know where Rias is? I'm supposed to give these to her."

"Rias' crossdressing brother?" said redhead blinked, a panicked look on his face as he slowly started pointing at himself, before it faded to comprehension. He looked down at himself, smoothing his skirt in an entirely too practiced fashion for anyone who didn't go around in women's clothing regularly.

Hey. I'm not judging. Just not interested myself. Have made a few cracks about wizards who were a little too fond of robes in the past though.

"Oh my," another guy wearing a schoolgirl uniform spoke up, one hand coming up to cover his mouth in a feminine gesture. "Has the secret shame of the Gremory family at last been revealed?" He was a guy, that much was for sure, but he was definitely the type that Ise would hate. I found myself coming down with him on this one:

Damn handsomes.

Anyway, the speaker was tall, not as tall as me but then again not many are, and had long hair swept back in a ponytail. It was a girly style, and judging from his speaking habits and mannerisms this guy probably came a lot further down on the female side of the gender scale, regardless of his actual sex.

"Ah! For Michael's Ace to come to this!" yet another boy began, the guy practically bouncing in place as he clutched his cheeks. "What would Michael think if he saw me like this!"

"Irina! Focus!" the speaker was a sharp toned fellow, though whoever this guy was they obviously worked out. They had muscle, not the bulging bodybuilder type by the lean corded type of a runner or swimmer, someone who had went for definition not bulk. "Think! If it had just been the older girls, this might have been a chance! However, with us in this state, babymaking might not be possible!"

"Ah! How can I become Ise-san's bride like this!" a blonde that looked so damn handsome they bordered on androgynous, started to whimper. It didn't quite strike my guardian instinct as much as

it would have if it had been a girl doing it, but despite myself I found myself wondering if maybe there was something I could do to cheer him up.

Then all three of them clapped their hands together and spoke as one: "Oh Lord!"

This... this was starting to ring a few warning bells in the back of my head. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't sure why, but I definitely got the impression that there might be more than a pride parade staging going on here.

"Ah, Dresden-kun," I turned slowly to regard the new speaker. They were still cross-dressing, but this one was going the other way: a girl wearing a boys uniform. She was a looker, that much was for sure, long blonde hair and impressive though not overly so body shape. "Sorry that you had to walk in on this, but it was somewhat unexpected.

"...unexpected to say the least," a silver haired boy muttered, though he looked more interested in the plate of food he was picking at than actually turning to see me.

"Ahhhh!" Gasper, I at least recognized, sitting in his box and shivering. I was used to his crying, so I managed to look past all that. "Buchou! Senpai! Everyone? I'm scared! I want this to stop!"

A few months ago, everything probably would have stopped, considering his Sacred Gear. He'd made strides that showed admirably when the world continued to spin around him.

Kind of a sad thing to be able to boast about, now that I think of it.

Also, maybe these people were all the vampire's friends or something? He did have a crossdressing habit of his own, and it would be just like Rias to try and encourage him to socialize more by bringing over friends of the same interest.

Wish they would have warned me so I could have dodged pulling the pin on this particular grenade though.

"Er, hi, Dresden," Ise finally got out, the only one wearing clothes appropriate to his gender. He had this weird, awkward look on his face. His cheek was twitching, and his eyes were darting back and forth as though he wasn't sure where to look, or if he should just cut his losses and run. "That is… things are…"

"Does this have anything to do with that?" I cautiously asked, pointing at the corner of the room.

'That' happened to be Azazel, laughing so hard his body was hunched over and he had to support himself with his hands on his knees. I could literally see tears rolling down his face, and his face was red with mirth. He was actually heaving as though his laughing was interfering with his breathing.

Laughing Azazel tended to mean that things had just taken a turn for the weird. I checked my blasting rod, wishing I had brought my staff as well. I had needed two hands originally for all the paperwork Sona had me running, but it was starting to look as though maybe I should have come better equipped.

"Well," Ise began rubbing his hand as he took a glance at the redhead and shuddered, before glancing at the blonde chick and shuddering harder. "Mostly, though I suppose some of it might be my fault as well..."

"Do I even want to know what's going on, or should I just place these papers here and leave while my sanity remains ragged instead of getting shredded like a tissue in a snot party?" I ventured carefully, glancing around one last time. The redhead sighed, looking defeated, but the dark haired guy near him started to laugh, a soft 'Ofufufu' that seemed vaguely familiar to me for some reason.

"Oh... No...!" Azazel grinned, somehow talking despite the fact that he was obviously gasping for breath. "Why don't you... join the fun?"

I didn't notice the strange looking thing he had in his hand, looking kind of like some sort of toy blaster from an anime or something, before it was pointed at me and emitting a beam of light.

It was completely unexpected, and I'll admit, it caught me so flat footed that I was going to be upping my training later on tonight. I just honestly never expected Azazel to seriously attack me, especially in a situation like this. I had time to grunt an abbreviated, 'wha-?' before the beam hit me.

Instantly, my breath caught in my throat. It felt like something was constricting me, clenching around my chest. I stumbled, probably from the impact but for some reason it felt like my center of balance had just been shifted without me knowing it. I clawed at my coat, trying to pull my blasting rod out as I struggled to catch a breath, and finally, heaving, I managed to suck in enough air to fill my lungs.

The event coincided with me managing to get my blasting rod out, and a soft 'pop' noise. In one of those combat moments where everything was actually moving a lot faster than it actually seemed, I saw what looked like a button jump across my field of vision.

Then, suddenly, I could breath. I also noticed, that the act of breathing seemed to be shifting my balance in strange ways. I also started to feel a draft.

"What the hell...!" I began, before freezing again. My voice. My voice did not sound like it normally did. It sounded higher, somehow breathier. Not understanding, I glanced down to see what the strange light had done to me.

The act caused my hair, which I might have had slightly long normally but now for some reason seemed to have grown by two or three feet to brush by my ears. This would normally have been alarming, if it wasn't for the fact that looking down revealed something far more boggling:

Namely, the sight of cleavage so deep you could probably smuggle a freaking fruit basket with it.

Things began to click, with deliberate and unnerving slowness as I started to put the pieces together: a bunch of cross-dressing boys with, now that I had some ground to work with, all seemed to have distinct resembles to the normal members of the ORC. A girl in the same state. Ise looking very uncomfortable. And, most damning of all, Azazel being amused.

With little thought to propriety, I put a hand into the pocket of my uniform and did a little intrusive searching that I would normally save for closed bathroom stalls.

Yup. It was gone.

"Someone dies tonight," I declared bluntly, looking up with the intent to glare murderously at Azazel, only to find that the entire room had frozen, all eyes locked on me. I had a brief moment of panic, wondering if something had gone wrong, if maybe whatever the hell that had caused this to happen might have been affected by my Outsider status, before I realized just where everyone in the room was staring.

"Oppai," Ise declared in a dazed and awestruck voice.

That... that can't be good.

In my head a I heard Lash snicker once, then twice, than erupt into laughter every bit as frenzied as Azazel's had been just moments ago.

Definitely not good.

*Scene Break*

"Okay," Azazel began after things had settled a bit. I had managed to take a seat at one of the couches, and though my scowl was probably reaching the point where things in my home dimension that knew me would be quickly leaving the room, finding bomb shelters, and setting up wards, it looked like I still didn't have enough of a reputation in this creation to inspire that level of justifiable paranoia. "I'm a fallen. I've seen some amazing things in my days. You wouldn't believe what some of the female fallen look like, and I've seen busty women from all race and creed. But all that aside: wow."

"Azazel, you're focusing on the wrong thing at this point," I declared firmly, glaring at him. "You see, right now, you should be informing me about the extremely quick and convenient method you have for undoing this. Not digging a deeper grave."

"Ara ara!" the one I could now solidly peg as Akeno began, placing a cup of tea in front of me and giving me a smile that would have had him hired on the spot if he decided to use it at a host club in an interview. "Now, now, Dresden-chan. That's no way for a young lady to act."

I turned to begin a well-mannered counterargument to referring to me as a young lady that would have begun with the letters 'Fue-' but paused when I realized something. "Where did you get a male uniform in your size?"

"Demonic power is something that relies on imagination, Dresden-kun," Rias began, and I realized that everyone in the room had apparently at some point switched over to the appropriate gender uniform. "Creating a uniform like this is a moderately complicated task, but not so much as to be a hindrance to us."

I opened my mouth to begin, before realizing that when I had said 'everyone' earlier, I had unexpectedly actually meant 'everyone'. Kiba gave me a resigned smile and a shrug before taking care not to ruffle her skirt.

Then I re-realized that 'everyone' actually didn't really mean 'everyone'.

"I can understand why Ise never got hit," I began slowly, somehow thankful in my bones that I didn't have to know what he would look like as a girl. This thankfulness was incredibly out shadowed by the horrible, horrible fact that I now knew what I looked like instead. "But how did Gasper avoid getting changed?"

"Er," Ise began, still looking uncomfortable. "He didn't."

"Wait..." I trailed off, turning to look at the normally cross-dressing vampire. "You mean...?"

Gasper gave me a hopeful look, though what he… she was hoping for I wasn't quite sure. I studied her, and found that no, I hadn't just overlooked something in my initial sweep. He really did look the exact same as she did as a girl.

"I..." I began slowly, before finally offering the only thing I could think to say. "I'm terribly, terribly sorry?"

"Waaaaah!" Gasper began to cry even harder, folding herself all the way into her box and closing it behind her. "Senpai is so meeeeeeaaaan!"

"Anyway," I began, shaking my head before twitching as the shaking continued lower than my head. "Back to the important point. Azazel. You were about to tell me how to undo this before I break my three months record of not setting a building on fire."

"Three months counts as a record?" Kiba whispered to Koneko, sounding bemused. When no reply came, he gave the smaller boy a glance, and found her staring at something, and turned to follow her stare. Then she too seemed to be distracted joining the smaller boy in his contemplation.

"...just not fair," Koneko muttered, and I growled as Azazel began to snicker.

"My eyes," I began, putting a hand between what the two were staring at and them, "are up here."

Oh god, the very idea of ever having to say something like that had never crossed my mind. Have my preparations as a wizard been lax lately? Or is this really one of those things you could justifiably count on never actually happening unless you live a life like mine?

"Sorry!" Kiba at least immediately seemed flustered, blushing in a distinctly girly manner before looking away awkwardly. "It's just..."

"Oppai," Ise whispered reverently, and I didn't even bother trying to correct the breast man. I'd sooner ask Sisiphus if I could take over than try to stop Ise's obsession. At least then I might stand a chance of finishing up.

"It's not like you don't have a pair now," I muttered, before realizing that it wasn't just her. "Oh come on! All of you had some not that long ago too! What are so damn special about mine!?"

I tried to fold my arms in frustration as I found just about everyone in the room, former girls included, all giving odd looks at my vast... er... tracks of land?

Then I discovered that I couldn't really fit my arms around me entirely. Hoo boy.

"Oh my," Akeno giggled. "I have always had confidence in myself before, but I find myself taken aback by this. Who knew Dresden-chan could be such a devastating opponent?"

"Indeed," Rias seemed amused, her eyes taking a calculating gleam. "I have back pain on occasion from just my size alone. I almost pity Dresden-kun for what she would have had to endure."

"No need for pity, because this isn't going to be lasting long enough for that to be an issue," I snapped, before glaring again at Azazel, and then snapping a finger in front of my chest to make him jump out of whatever daze he had fallen into. "Now! Me! Man! Back to! Get on it!"

"Eh?" he blinked, finally meeting my gaze, before realizing that he still hadn't given me a proper explanation. "No need to get upset," he shrugged carelessly. "It's just a temporary thing. Shouldn't last longer than a few hours. You'll be back to normal by tomorrow morning at the latest."

"Can't you just use that?" I demanded, pointing at the ray gun that had caused all of this in the first place. I was considering the pros and cons of setting it on fire with my mind, as well as the person that had made it. "If it changes genders, won't it just flip me right back?"

"Nah, if I shot you again it would just extend the duration," Azazel explained, grinning as he started to heft the gun. I watched where he was aiming with it very, very carefully now that he had explained what it would do if he used it again. "No need to get angry, Dresden-kun! I have to say, it does seem to make you even cuter... Erk!"

The last bit of his sentence was prompted by me removing my blasting rod and making use of it like its name implied. Azazel had to jump to the side as a bolt of near pure hellfire hit the chair he had been on a moment ago, which caused it to promptly explode into flaming splinters.

"Er, this might be a bit of a longshot, but are you, maybe, really, really angry at this point?" he asked nervously as he stood back up. His eyes widened and he backed away with his hands up in surrender. "Now Dresden. Let's put out the runes and just take a deep breath…"

"I agree," Rias began, also sounding like he was trying to placate me, but also sounding like he was starting to see the humor in this whole scene as well. My blasting rod continued to glow with the fires of hell, but I gave her a polite look, encouraging her to continue. "Would you please not blow up my furniture?"

I turned on her, preparing to give him a three point explanation on how I wasn't blowing up her furniture, I was just purifying it from the negative influence Azazel's mere presence imbued upon it, before I twitched at the way whirling was so much more different when pieces of you tried to whirl longer than the rest of you. Then I scowled even more. "Would you please stop staring at my tits?"

"Erp," Rias immediately shot his eyes back up to my face, looking guiltily amused. "My apologies, Dresden-kun," he began awkwardly. "But I don't think you've fully come to realize how… extensive the changes in you seem to be."

"My chest has inflated to the point where I can't even see my feet when I look down!" I tried to cross my arms in frustration, only to discover again placing anything across my chest seemed to be out of the picture at this point. I managed to cross them underneath my new mammaries, and that only caused a bunch of heads in the room to bounce up and down at the movement it inspired. "Just how bad can it be, anyway? It wasn't like I was that impressive as a guy."

"Why don't you take a look?" Akeno offered, still smiling bemusedly as he pulled a full length mirror on a frame from the corner of the clubroom that held the tub. I still didn't understand why they had a tub there, but had come to understand that some of the oddities I picked up around Rias had less to do with her being a devil and more to do with her being filthy stinking rich.

"I don't really like mirrors," I began, not really trusting reflective surfaces as much from an aggressive disinterest in my own personal appearance outside of basic hygiene as it was from the fact that in my world mirrors could frequently be used by creatures from Nevernever as a method of moving into the world. Then I trailed off, before frowning even harder.

"Oh come on!" I snapped, pointing at my reflection. "I'm trying to scowl! Not pout! Empty night, this is ridiculous!"

For some freaking reason, the scowl that would have born the adjectives 'thunderous' or 'murderous' in front of it in my proper gender somehow managed to just look like an adorable pout at the moment. Not being able to properly express my borderline psychotic dissatisfaction at my circumstances just felt like insult to injury. Then I paused, actually taking in my new appearance.

My hair was, as previously mentioned much longer than it had been, making me wonder just how the gun had done the gender bender thing in the first place. If it just flipped whoever it hit to the other gender, wouldn't our hair have stayed the same? However, some of the newly minted boys in the room still had longer hair, while some of them were now sporting more masculine cuts. Kiba also had his hair grow out for some reason.

Beyond the hair though, a lot had been altered. For one thing, my face. I wasn't conventionally handsome, a fact I had always known. My face was too lean, too hard, the cut of my cheekbones too sharp to pull off a 'damn handsome'. Now I still was a bit lean, but some of the angle of my cheekbone had softened, and my eyes seemed a bit larger. My shoulders looked thinner as well, and I found myself bemusedly pulling my loose shirt tight for a moment as I checked my waist and hips. I

was surprisingly slim at the waist, though my hips flared out after that. Once more disregarding propriety, I found myself reaching behind myself to grope myself briefly, and was immediately glad that my coat was at least covering my backside, because otherwise I'd be worried about people staring at something besides my breasts as well.

All together, I was, as Bob would have once put it, a hot piece of ass. That went without mentioning the most prominent aspect of my change.

My breasts. I was freaking stacked. I mean, they were huge. My bust was quite frankly unbelievable, the kind of thing you would instantly wonder just how much the bearer had paid to get because there was no way you'd believe they were natural. They were larger than most types of melons. Stars and stones, I didn't even have a method of measuring how big they must have been. A J-cup maybe?

And it was exceedingly easy to tell, considering just how much of them were exposed. That pinching sensation and trouble breathing I had had when I first changed must have been my shirt squishing them before their sheer mass caused most of my top buttons to pop, and now my shirt was struggling to cover even a decent portion of them. I was probably a hop, skip, and a jump away from a wardrobe malfunction at this point.

"Oppai," Ise whispered once again, and I wondered if someone should slap him. I think he had sunk into some kind of trance, maybe gone into shock or something.

"Dresden," a hand on my shoulder caused me to jump slightly, and it was only quick thinking that prevented aforementioned wardrobe malfunction. I glanced over to find the well-muscled boy, Xenovia I could now determine, giving me an intense look. "Please, tell me of your lifestyle. What kind of foods do you eat? What sort of exercise do you perform?"

"Huh?" I found myself honestly confused by the train of thought. "Well, I mostly run for exercise. I suppose I eat whatever it is I have lying around, though I do tend to grab a lot of udon from that cart by the station when I'm working."

"I see," behind Xenovia, the short haired brunette that I now pegged as Irina was jotting in a notebook quickly. "So that's the secret of increasing breast size! I wonder if I'll get that big too if I start running more? Perhaps there's some sort of secret ingredient in the udon stock..."

"...interesting," Koneko had narrowed his eyes in interest as well, his hands coming up to cover his skinny and now masculine chest.

Stars and stones, that's what they're concentrating on now? I would never, ever understand women.

"Now, now," Akeno giggled as he covered his mouth again, not seeming to care how out of place his usual mannerisms were on his new body. "It's silly to think that something like udon would be the cause of such a bust." I nodded, rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of it. "After all, I'm sure it's because Dresden-chan is an American! Everyone knows American's are just bigger."

That... is a horrible stereotype and I didn't dignify it with an answer.

"I see," Irina seemed to actually buy the ridiculous story and slouched in regret.

"...damn Americans," Koneko lifted a tiny fist to the sky to shake her rage at the world. Still not dignifying.

"Ano... Dresden-san?" I turned with a scowl, that I immediately tried to disguise with a someone strangled smile as I realized it was Asia talking. Even if she was now a he, he still somehow managed to have this aura or something that just made me want to go out and buy him ponies. Bigger and more masculine than the usual ponies, but ponies none the less.

"Yes, Asia?" I asked her, unable to suppress a twitch as I realized even he was staring at my breasts. Then she looked up, a concerned look on her face so unexpected that I nearly Soulgazed her before I realized she was looking at my eyes so earnestly.

"I'm sorry, but," she swallowed gently before reaching up to touch her own chest slightly, indicating a spot. "But, when I saw that, I couldn't help but wonder if you were okay?"

"That?" I repeated, glancing down and managing to locate what had caught her eye. "Oh, that," I grunted. It was faded now with age, but the still puckered and slightly red scar that started at the top of my chest and then proceeded to disappear into my cleavage.

Hell's bells. My cleavage.

"Don't worry about it," I tried to shrug indifferently and nearly ended up popping out. "Hook knife, from back when a necromancer tried to disembowel me. It's long healed by now."

"Disembowel?" Kiba managed to raise an eyebrow, sounding like he was uncertain how she should respond to such a loaded statement being stated so casually.

"And if it's not too uncomfortable," Asia went on, before meekly pointing at the side of her face. "B- but that too?"

"Ah," I gave a measuring look at my reflection, taking in the long slice down my face that had just missed an eye. "Skinwalker. Nasty things, skinwalkers."

"And even there?" Asia indicated her shoulder, and I realized that the strain of even partially concealing my chest had dragged my shirt far enough down my arms that a small white irregular star shaped scar was revealed.

"Er, that's just a bullet hole," I finally volunteered, now starting to feel a little self conscious as I realized just how many scars were peeking out now that I was showing even a little more skin than usual.

It was then that I realized that even if I was uncomfortably good looking at this point, I was still about as tall as I used to be. That added on with all the scars kind of gave me a dangerous sort of air. I bet Murphy would have been jealous, seeing as even if she was a hardcore monster-asskicker she had never really looked the part given her size.

Well, she would have been jealous, after she recovered from the laughing. It would probably have taken an hour or two, and most likely would have required hospitalization by the end of it.

"Dresden-san," oh god, his eyes were starting to moisten. Even if she was a he now, he was still androgynous enough that I felt my 'crying girl' radar start to ping and I had to resist the urge to smack my chest, grunt, and find a club as caveman instincts came out. Considering the circumstances smacking my chest was definitely the last thing I wanted to do. "Heal!"

With the ferocity of a thousand baby rabbits, and I mean the normal kind, not the kind found in Monty Python skits, I found two still small hands placed on my shoulders, green light emitting from them soothingly.

"Errr," I tried to decide if I should point out that Twilight Healing wouldn't really work on scars, or just be thankful that he was trying to help. Either way, I decided to try and do something about just how much flesh I was showing to prevent any other questions from coming up.

"And why was a necromancer trying to disembowel you?" Rias asked cautiously as I began to tug at my duster, hoping that it's bigger size would let me close it and get me somewhere in the vicinity of modesty.

"Because I had broken all of his limbs multiple times with a Louisville Slugger," I shrugged, still wrestling with my coat. I think I managed to get that out so matter of factly that I honestly left him at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry, Dresden-san!" Asia finally declared, still all moist eyes and adorable. "I don't think there's anything more I can do!"

"That... that's fine, Sister," I told her, as I managed to get at least a few of the buttons of my coat up. "It's the thought that counts."

Then I sighed, taking in my newly altered appearance. The coat at least managed to button enough for me to not have to worry about a stray wind knocking me out of the hammock like support of my shirt, but it didn't really do much in the ways of modesty. Instead, it looked like I had some kind of bustier or corset on, and if anything it just seemed to push my chest up and make my cleavage even more pronounced. I wondered idly that if I shouted at it wouldf I would get an echo?

It ended up looking like the kind of outfit you'd wear at someplace like Zero. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I had seen an outfit very much like this on one of the occasions I had visited Chicago's most legendary nightclub. That did not relieve me in the slightest.

Then, I paused, narrowing my eyes and staring carefully at my reflection.

"Akeno," I began slowly, "you didn't somehow manage to use your demonic powers to change my outfit without me noticing, did you?"

"Oh!" Akeno seemed to be trying very hard not to laugh. That and she had begun licking her lips as she took in the change to my wardrobe. In return, I began judging the distance between me and the door. I'd seen that look before, and knew exactly what it meant. "The thought hadn't occurred to me. I really think this particular image is quite striking indeed. Perhaps you'd like to have an 'S' discussion with me? Or would you like me to change your clothes? I think I could think of something… appropriate."

"Disregarding all the many, many other reasons I will have to decline, I'm worried about what that would do to my protective enchantments, so I'll have to firmly reject that offer," I told her, cocking my head to the side.

"Um, just why would you ask something like that, anyway?" Kiba frowned gently as he tried to find just what had prompted my unexpected question.

"Because I think Lash has finally stopped laughing hard enough to start screwing with me," I told him flatly.

"Oh?" Rias blinked, looking at the mirror I was staring at so hard. "And just how would she do something like that?"

"My reflection's outfit just changed into a ball gown," I noted clinically, some part of me so horrified that I found myself unable to look away as I watched my reflection adorned in some gaudy blue and white number that looked like it came out of a set piece from some Victorian era novel. Then I twitched. "And now it's curtsying."

'Lash,' I began slowly as my reflection made sure to really lay it on thick with the bustline. 'What do you think you're doing?'

Calibrating, my host, Lash told me, still freaking giggling as she did so. She hadn't stopped once since the change had occurred, and it was only long practice ignoring her that had let me continue talking with the room around me. Ah! Such fertile ground. I must lay my web carefully...

"It's two hours past the end of school, I have no jobs lined up, I have been changed into a girl, and the voice in my head is starting to plot," I finally declared flatly. "I quit. Today is now officially over. Azazel, I don't care if it will wear off in an hour, if you don't have a way to change me back right now..."

I turned, and was thankful I had managed to get my chest properly contained by my coat as the movement really set me to bouncing, only to find that at some point Azazel had disappeared completely, leaving only a note with the words 'Well! Have fun getting home, see you all at school'!

"That man," Rias seemed to realize what I had just found out a moment ago. "Always causing trouble." Despite how well he had been handling the whole mess, I did catch him giving worried glances from herself to Ise and back, occasionally throwing sneakier ones at me mixed in. "I guess we should just let it wear off on its own. I do hope it doesn't take too long."

"Well," I began slowly, "I know if I'm not a man by the time school starts tomorrow, Azazel isn't going to be a man for much longer either."

"Give him a taste of his own medicine?" Rias smirked at that. "Do you think you'll need any help getting the gun from him?"

"I wasn't planning to use the gun to do it," I stated dryly, holding up my hands as long claws of extremely sharp ice started to sprout there.

Even though they had only just become guys, every presently male person in the room flinched and crossed their legs in probably instinctual discomfort.

"Is it just me, or has perhaps the experience made Dresden-san a bit more catty than she usually is?" Kiba muttered to Koneko, and the nekomata simply nodded back.

"Oppai," Ise whispered in the background.

*Scene Break*

I left the clubroom, mostly with the intention to take the back hallways out to avoid any potential encounters with any lingering classmates. My plans at this point were to make it home, turn off the lights, get into bed, and wake up the next day with the ability to tell myself it had all been a bad dream.

Unfortunately, I forgot something rather important. That was just what I had been doing right before this whole thing started.

"Dresden-kun?" the voice behind me made me freeze. Then I resumed walking at a much quicker pace. "Dresden-kun, I can recognize your coat. I know you can hear me. Just because you have a wig isn't going to be enough to disguise yourself," the voice continued, sounding partly aggrieved and partly amused. "Dresden-kun, did you deliver all the papers yet? Kaichou is still waiting for you. Dresden-kun? Dresden-kun, stop ignoring me!"

Hmmm. Plan A didn't seem to be working. I'd been working on my veils recently. Maybe they'd reached the point where I could use one successfully? Or should I resort to fleeing? No, I don't think fleeing would be the best in my currently more gyratable state. Is the situation grim enough for me to resort to fire? Or was there a chance the speaker's eyesight had somehow changed to being reliant on movement for visual acuity?

I felt something catch my arm and hold me quite securely as the speaker managed to catch up with me.

"Oh, of all the childish things! Dresden-kun, even if I don't look it, I am a Queen of house..." they trailed off slowly, eyes widening as their jaw dropped as they took in the new me. "D-Dresden-kun, that is you, isn't it?"

"Er, hi, Tsubaki," I began, trying to suppress the twitch that had popped up in my left eye. "Fancy meeting you here..."

*Scene Break*

"I'm sorry, Dresden-kun," Tsubaki told me, "but Kaichou had sent me out to see why you were so delayed, and she had told me to find you and bring you back..."

"You're not fooling anyone," I told her flatly, beginning to cross my arms before remembering how well that went the last two times and grimacing as I made sure to make adjustments to where I positioned my arms.

"No," Tsubaki tried to protest, but her attempt at retreating to the protection of duty fell short considering that even as she spoke she had one hand up to cover her mouth and her shoulders were shaking so hard with repressed laughter that she looked like she was about to vibrate herself off the chair. "I'm just... I'm just..."

"Oh go ahead," I groaned, grunting as I let out a deep groan of resignation. "If it was you, I'd do the same in a heartbeat."

"Tha-," was as much as she managed to get out before she slumped forward, at least having the courtesy of putting her hands over her head to try and stifle the guffaws of laughter.

"So, these are the things that Azazel-sensei indulges in during his spare time," Reya trailed off slowly, and in her defense she at least sounded mildly disturbed. Also in her defense she was making at least a token effort to not stare, though inevitably it seemed her eyes were drawn back to the same thing everyone else was staring at. Also in her defense, at least she was making an effort.

"Jiiiiiiiii," Tomoe didn't even seem to realize that she was making a sound as she stared with disconcerting intensity at my rack. It just upped the awkward meter even more that she had taken a seat next to me and was leaning in while she did so.

I swear, I could feel her breath on just what she was staring. It was awkward. It was uncomfortable. It was disturbing. It was most certainly not an intriguing sensation that I was feeling tempted to explore in more depths when I wasn't being gawked at like a circus freak.

"Fu, fu, fu." But not quite as awkward, uncomfortable or disturbing as the reaction I seemed to have invoked in Tsubasa. The rook had only taken until the most rudimentary of explanations had been provided, and then she had locked onto the new scenery as intensely as Tomoe had. Though unlike the ditzy night, Tsubasa had started to turn more and more red as the seconds ticked by. And her breathing had started to get hard as well.

"Okay," Saji grimaced as he began. He seemed torn between being just as unable to keep his eyes off of me as the previous two girls, but at the same time whenever he really started to approach an Ise-like state he seemed to remember just WHO he was staring at and that realization made him cringe in self-loathing for his own male nature. At least he had some damn sense. "Even if it isn't your fault you ended up like this, just why did you end up putting your coat like that? I mean, it's just indecent!"

"Yes, and the fact that you can still differentiate right from wrong gives me a certain relief," I declared flatly, trying to back away from Tomoe as I did so. The action cause... reactions, and to my increasing discomfort I could literally track the way Tomoe's head moved in accordance to those reactions. "However, considering that I lost at least four buttons on my shirt when this whole thing started, this really is the best compromise. You don't want to imagine how bad it was before."

"F-f-four buttons..." Saji whimpered as his healthy adolescent love of boobies was again paired with the horror of knowing just who had sprouted those boobies. Then he yelped as two sets of hands came down to cover his eyes.

"Gen-chan no echi," Momo declared with a pout as she served to cover half of her love interest's face.

"Mou! Genshirou-senpai! If you see things like that, than I will be troubled!" Ruruko gave a fierce glare at what seemed to be the black hole of attention ever since they came into existence, only to seem to lose focus a few moments later as her head cocked to the side, a look of wonder appearing on her face. "So... big..."

"I am so bleeping uncomfortable right now," I muttered. The worst part was that even I had to admit that while I had resigned myself to certain attention from males as I made my way home to wait for this nightmare to end, it seemed like it was women that I was getting a far more blatant reaction from.

"I... can imagine so…-snrk-. Sorry. While it is... unfortunate enough that such an event...-fueh-... happened it must only be... compounded by the...-snort-...sorry again...changes."

If you had trouble understanding that last exchange, don't worry. You weren't the only one.

I gave the speaker a measured look. "I can appreciate your attempt at tact, but are you okay? You really are starting to look kinda whoozy."

"I...assure you... -fuhuhu-... that I am fine," Sona managed to get out. It looked like an uphill fight from the way her shoulders were twitching, and her face was twisted in the way you'd expect to find only on the most conflicted of souls.

I got the impression that Sona was finding the whole situation just as funny as Tsubaki was. However, cursed by her professionalism and work ethics, she found her ability to express that humor compromised by her honest attempt to maintain her duties as the Kaichou and offer support to a student who was obviously upset over something one of her staff had done.

I was somewhat impressed actually. As an educator, I had little doubt that she would end up being confronted by many other such humiliating yet amusing scenes in the future, and her ability to maintain her professionalism spoke highly of her ability to defuse those situations with the minimum of embarrassment for all parties. However, that was the future, and right now just watching her struggle was starting to make me a bit worried about potential aneurysms once more.

"Sona," I began slowly, starting to lean forward to give her a serious look, before the swaying of Tomoe's head reminded me just how bad an idea that would be and straightened instead. "It's alright. I'm a big boy. You can laugh. In fact, it might be better that you do. You're way too young to have a stroke."

"Th-that... w-w-won't be... nec-!" she never managed to finish the sentence as she finally succumb to the spirit of the moment. She managed to get both hands up to cover her mouth before she gave in.

Actually, listening to Sona laugh helplessly, her entire body shaking in place as she squeezed her eyes closed was kind of nice. Maybe it was just the fact that it didn't come out too often, at least not so earnestly, but Sona's laugh was throaty and feminine, and actually disturbingly lovely. I reminded my hormones patiently that no, I was still on the fence about dating so much younger.

Also, I found myself shivering as hormones in a female body proved to have effects that I really, REALLY would have preferred to remain ignorant of for the entirety of my life.

"Okay," I sighed. "Now that the joke is complete, can I leave yet? I really don't want to hang around where there are people until this whole thing wears off."

"Ah," Reya began, blinking in surprise at something, as she gave me a curious look. "Er, I suppose you'll have to wait until Kaichou finishes before she can approve leaving..."

"Great," I sighed again. "Should have asked before I told her it was okay to give in to the dark side. With my luck she'll probably be at it for an hour." I frowned as I realized even more of the room was starting to give me confused looks. Momo and Ruruko were both frowning slightly, and their hands had slipped enough for even Saji to be raising an eyebrow at me. Tsubaki, who literally had tears in her eyes had pulled her head up enough to give me an incredulous look. "What?" I asked, feeling even more selfconscious than I already was. "What is it?"

"Er, Dresden," Saji began slowly, leaning backwards a bit as he did so. "Do you think it's possible that the ray might have had other effects on you? More than just your body?"

I narrowed my eyes, doing my best to figure out both what had prompted the question as well as if the question might not have been right about me being more changed than I thought. "Why?" I asked sharply. "What prompted you to ask?"

"Well," Momo gave Ruruko a hesitant look before Tsubaki cut in.

"You've begun to speak like a girl, Dresden-kun," she declared bluntly, her mouth still quivering as the seriousness of the conversation warred with the humor of seeing a friend be put through it.

"Talk like a girl?" I repeated, honestly confused for a moment before remembering that male and female speech patterns were different in Japanese. "No I'm not. I'm just talking like I always..."

I trailed off as it struck me like a bit of lightning.

"Lash," I growled, feeling a scowl grow. Looks of understanding struck the room in general, before Tsubaki snorted, and once more descended onto her arms, now lightly hitting the table repeatedly as she did so.

'Lash,' I began again, this time sub-vocally. 'What did you do?'

Why, whatever do you mean, my host? she responded with artful innocence, proof enough that I was spot on with what I was suspecting. I am merely fulfilling my duty as your resident and translating your words in the most appropriate method. It wouldn't do if I were to cause confusion or damage to your socialr reputation by not altering your words in a fashion suitable for social norms.

'I'm so tempted to put you in the box,' I told her flatly. Even if she was more or less on my side these days, it didn't change the fact that I still had power to lock her away like I did back when she was on the dark side herself.

Alas, but then you would find yourself unable to communicate with the world at large, she reminded me slyly.

'Devils' do possess the power of "Language",' I countered her back.

But do they allow you to read bus schedules or train routes?

'Damn you and your logic.'

"So it appears that the spirit of magic and knowledge that acts as my translator is now fucking with me," I declared flatly, rubbing my head as I did so. "Didn't I already say 'I quit'? Are we really sure that god is dead, and not just hiding out somewhere to screw with me?"

As though to punctuate my weary plea to the unforgiving world, Tsubasa finally seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Harry-chan," she declared as she marched over to put both her hands on my shoulder, leaning in with a serious look as he hands shook enough to rock my body slightly. "I approve of these changes!"

"What?" I stated flatly, before noticing something. "Tsubasa... are you okay?"

"Yes!" she panted, eyes lighting up for some reason. "Such a cute way of speaking! Why do you ask?"

"Your nose is bleeding," I told her, not even wanting to know how Lash had chosen to translate my words if I was getting complimented on my 'cuteness'. I was more concerned with deciding if I was worried that Tsubasa had gotten a nose bleed because she had gotten so excited or worried about what she might be about to do since she was so excited.

"Mistress..." Tomoe began, the 'jiiii' sound she was making as she stared finally stopping. "What are your orders?"

"Mistress?" I could feel the twitch in my eye achieving epic speed as I wondered what I had done to deserve all this. "What are you talking about... Tomoe?"

I trailed off, originally annoyed but growing genuinely confused as I took in the sight of the ditzy girl. Her eyes were kind of glazed, and her mouth was a bit slack jawed. Her eyes were still stuck on my breasts, but they were moving back and forth as the jiggle that Tsubasa had kicked off when she had shaken me slightly continued to make it's way through my boobs.

"Mistress..." Tomoe continued, sounding somewhat dazed, "your orders. Please, allow me to serve you..."

"Umm..." I began, turning slightly to give her a concerned look, and then watching her eyes once more move in synchronization with my jiggles. "Tomoe," I began slowly, "maybe you should lie down for a bit."

"As you command, mistress," she declared, standing woodenly and turning to shamble to the door. "I shall lie down immediately, my mistress..."

I watched her go, honestly not having any clue what had just happened.

"Amazing," I heard Reya declare, sounding shocked as a hand came up to her mouth. "Dresden-kun! Apparently, your b-breasts have the power to ensnare those who stare at them for too long!"

"Amazing," Momo shook her head as she agreed, a serious look on her face. "Is it some form of hypnotism? Or is it perhaps the 'breast power' that Azazel-sensei has been experimenting with?"

"Breast power?" I repeated flatly, feeling very much like I had the first time I heard the term 'weregoats'.

"It's something Azazel-sensei has been investigating," Ruruko supplied also looking way too serious for such a ridiculous conversation. "It's something he's been researching ever since Hyoudou-kun started showing signs of unusual development as the Sekiryutei. Is it possible that Dresden-kun too has this 'breast power' when he is in the form of a maiden?"

"How dangerous!" Saji drew back, giving me a freaked out look. "If one looks too long, than you might be ensnared, but it's impossible not to look! W-What a horrifying power!"

I stood there, taking in the utterly serious talk of the mystic property of my boobs, and gave the conversation the serious consideration it was due before coming to my conclusion.

"You're all crazy," I told the room at large bluntly, "and I'm leaving now. My life has too much crazy in it as it is."

"W-W-Wait, Dresden-kun!" Tsubaki suddenly blurted as I stood up to make my way out of this den of delirious devils. "Before you go! I need one last thing from you!"

"And that is?" I asked the queen dryly as she managed to recover enough from her hysteria, though her eyes were still wet with tears, to quickly hurry over to me with a surprisingly serious look on her face.

Then I felt that twitch in my eye gain friends as she immediately stood back to back with me and placed a hand on her head as she held it against mine.

"At last," she sighed in relief as she stepped back smiling in satisfaction as she did. "I'm not the tallest girl I know."

Okay. That's it. The time for passively dealing with the situation was over.

"You know," I began, turning to give Sona a smirk as she started to get her laughter under control. "I think that all of you are forgetting something very important right now."

"A-And that is?" Sona at least had recovered to the point where she could speak without periodically slipping into giggles.

"I wasn't the only one that got switched, remember," I pointed out. "For instance, shouldn't you, as her long time rival and friend, show up to give Rias the support she needs in these troubled times? After all, you might never get the chance to see 'him' like this again, and it's almost your duty as his friend and rival to offer your help."

Sona sat upright, her eyes going wide as she realized that she had been so focused on taking amusement from my suffering that she had forgotten there was even more schadenfreude to indulge in.

"And besides him, a certain knight also has found himself a her," I turned the same sly look on Tsubaki who straightened like a bolt. It wasn't exactly a state secret just how much the Queen liked the pretty boy, and judging from the way Tsubaki's face had gone red and her breath had gotten even quicker it seemed Tsubasa wasn't the only person who would end up freaking out by the end of the day.

"You mean Kiba-kyun as Kiba-chwan?" Reya also had a crush on Kiba, though it didn't seem nearly as bad as Tsubaki. "Oh, but if Kib-chwan was changed, then did maybe Gasper-kyun turn too?"

"Oh yes," I nodded, "and let me tell you, you'll never expect what it's done to him."

"Ahem," Sona cleared her throat, expression all business as she stood up firmly. "Dresden-kun, thank you for your hard work today. Feel free to spend the rest of the day recovering from your ordeal. If you still have any issues tomorrow, please call me directly and let me know and I will take care of things with the school. Now, if you excuse me, matters have come to my attention that I must see to at once."

"Yes," Tsubaki also suddenly looked all business, if it wasn't for her still breathing hard and flushing slightly. "Thank you for bringing this to our attention."

"Oh! Come along, Yura-chan!" Reya declared, pulling my other potential suitor off of me and giving me a friendly smile as she gave me a wink and started to drag her friend after her. It showed just how out of it Tsubasa was that she didn't think to use her Rook strength to shake her friend off, too busy huffing and trying to reach for my shoulders again.

"You too, Gen-chan?" Momo seemed surprised as Saji also started hurrying to the door.

"If there's a chance that Hyoudou was also changed, there's no way I am going to miss the chance to laugh at him!" the pawn declared eagerly, trailing his two suitors as he made his way out.

It wasn't long until I was left alone in the Student Council Room, and I made sure to turn the lights off as I locked the door behind me.

A clever ruse, my host, Lash pointed out as I finally made good my escape. To use the misfortune of others to pave your escape. You have come far in the ways of deception.

'You're wrong, Lash,' I told her in my head as I calmly pulled out my cellphone. 'You know what they say about wizards: do not meddle in their affairs, for they are subtle and quick to wrath.'

"'Azazel'," I read out loud as I typed my text message. "'There are more victims going to the clubroom. Get pictures afterwards, and all will be forgiven.'"

You know what they say, after all, about misery and company.

*Scene Break*

"And this must be the neck pain Rias mentioned earlier," I growled as I stalked into my apartment and slammed the door behind me.

"Back pain, my host," Lash corrected me. Whenever we were at home she tended to go straight to manifesting a form to my perception rather than stick to just being a voice in my head. In response, I typically spoke to her aloud rather than just thinking the thoughts. I'm sure my neighbors must think I'm crazy, and I'm equally sure attempting to explain the one sided conversations to them would only cement that assumption in their minds.

"No," I shook my head, grimacing at the ensuing jiggle. Hell's bells, women had to deal with this all the time, didn't they? "Because this whole thing has been one giant pain in the neck from beginning until hopefully soon end."

"At least you remembered the availability of 'women only cars'," she pointed out helpfully. "Yeah, like that helped. I think I got stared at even harder than I would have in the mixed gender ones," I scowled. "And it's trading potential molestation for people stage-whispering rude comments on my outfit."

"To be fair," Lash nodded sympathetically, "your attire is somewhat less than modest for normal wear."

"Well, I'll just let them know that the next time the Director of the Grigori spontaneously shifts my gender I'll be sure to have a bigger shirt on hand," I grumbled, shedding my coat and actually sighing in relief. It had been enough to keep me from putting on a free show, but having my breasts squeezed so tightly had started to get really uncomfortable after a half hour or so. Here, in the privacy of my own home I didn't have to worry about wardrobe malfunctions, so I decided to just take that risk.

"Of course, of course," Lash nodded. She had assumed a patient stance and her tone was commiserating as she listened to me vent and provided all the appropriate sympathetic responses.

"Okay," I declared, giving her an expectant look. "Get on with it."

"Why, whatever do you mean, Harry?" Lash cocked her head to the side innocently. It fooled no one, even if I was the only one who could see it.

"I know you've been planning something," I told her patiently. "And I appreciate the fact that you waited until I was home instead of springing it on me on the train or something. But now that I'm here, I'm one hundred percent certain there's no way you're going to miss this chance."

"Ah, thank you, my host," Lash beamed at me. "It's moments of thoughtfulness like these that remind me why I betrayed my original self."

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, waiving my hands in a 'get on with it' gesture. "What's the point of having free will if you don't get the chance to give your friends grief with it, after all?"

"It is a use of free will that I never even considered before having met you," she agreed with me, and I twitched. Between one second and the next she had changed in her appearance completely.

"Lash," I began slowly, giving her a once over. "You're cosplaying as Akagi Ritsuko again."

"I know, Captain," she told me serenely, adjusting her glasses with one hand before shifting her clipboard so she could tug at her swimsuit.

"Lash," I continued, just as slowly. "I'm cosplaying as Katsuragi Misato."

"And you pull it off quite well," she informed me, and then confirming my suspicions by creating the semblance of a mirror so I could take in the result of her prank.

It wasn't that she had actually changed my clothes. Regardless of her potential, her power was far too limited by what I would allow her for her to actually change my clothes. Instead, she had replaced all the feeling of my body with what I would feel if I was wearing something else, while simultaneously changing what my own eyes were witnessing. It was a display of control over my very senses that I would find horrifically terrifying if it wasn't for the fact that I was actively allowing Lash the opportunity. I gave her this kind of leeway most of the times so that she could use the changes in perception to help me, like the time she replayed the image of Ise getting stabbed or when she slowed my perception enough to perceive Knight level speed.

Normally, I would be all over her for this, but honestly, I felt a little numb at the sheer scope of my changed perception. Also, even I had to admit that if this had happened to anyone else, I would find it hilarious. Like the Gatekeeper once told me, I thought it was a good thing to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes as well.

And so, I took in the appearance of me, decked in a little black dress, wearing a red coat, and with that little beret that completed the set, and found myself sighing.

"At least it's from the original, not the remake," I muttered, the sort of horrified awe you can only feel after having a day like this one. When Lash didn't say anything I glanced over to find her giving me an expectant look. Flatly, I gave her the bad news. "I'm not going to pose. I understand, that as a hikkomori otaku stuck in my head you have certain needs that build up from time to time. I understand that your obsession with cosplay is unhealthy, but probably a method for you to cope with the fact that your perception of the world around you has been stunted so much by being stuck in my head that the boredom is no doubt driving you crazier than me. I am even willing to overlook the fact that you're roping me unwillingly into joining with you. But no. I'm not going to pose."

Lash nodded slowly, adjusting her glasses once more. "So I take it 'battle-play' is not likely to occur?"

"Where did you even learn that phrase?" I asked blankly, not having any idea just what had happened to the dangerous and terrifying aura of mystique that had once inundated her very being.

"I see," she nodded slowly, before smiling slightly. "How about this one? I think the Leviathan would approve at the very least."

"Approve of..." I trailed off, squinting my eyes and cocking my head to the side as I took in the change. "Is that Mami Tomoe?"

"She was the only magical girl I could think of that would not be ridiculous with your body type," Lash informed me serenely. I turned to give her a careful look as well.

"And is that supposed to be a Kyubey costume?" I prompted her, taking in the white furred bikini, the cat like ears, the way her hair was done in two ponytails to the side, and the large red zero shaped mark she displayed helpfully on her back.

"It seemed appropriate," she nodded, before lifting her hands up and posing like a cat. That's it. God. I know you're still there. Stop it. Stop it right now.

"And honestly, considering how Puella Magi Madoka Magica turned out, I seriously think Levi-tan might not be a fan," I finally concluded. Then, despite knowing it was wrong to do, despite knowing it would only encourage her, I found myself giving my staff, now appearing to me like a long barreled old style musket, a slow spin.

"That's the spirit, my host," Lash smiled at me warmly. "Now, would you be interested in making a contract?"

"You know, you're right, it is appropriate for you," I told her, finding myself actually stifling a grin. I made sure she wouldn't be able to sense it. It would only encourage her.

"Honestly, it's a bit harder than I thought to find characters appropriate for your body type," Lash admitted, before smiling slightly. "Your proportions are quite outlandish. It is probably for the best that you were born male."

"Yes, thank you, I agree," I muttered as I was changed again. "Is this… the nurse from Highschool of the Dead?" I was less certain of this one, mostly due to the fact that the character in question had mostly worn normal clothes. When I glanced over I found my answer confirmed by the clothes Lash had chosen for herself.

"Well, I think that makes sense for you," I told her as she casually flaunted one of those wooden swords, striking a pose that showed a bit of leg due to Busujima Saeko's slit skirt. "She was a psycho too, if I remember it right."

"Would you like to try?" Lash offered me, so innocently that I instantly narrowed my eyes.

"If I say yes, would I end up in an apron and a thong?" I asked, and she immediately nodded. "Pass."

"Hmmm," Lash laughed softly to herself, her eyes lighting up with mischief. "I think that perhaps it's less a matter of you not being interested, and more a matter of you not finding satisfaction in my choices. Let me remedy this."

"Lash, what are you..." I began, getting a sinking suspicion before I found myself changed once more.

I blinked, staring down at myself.

"Okay. You win. Well played again, Webweaver," I told her flatly, with narrowed eyes. Curse the minions of hell for having such keen interpersonal insight. Then I lifted the blaster and said, "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope!"

"See, my host! You can do it if you try," Lash laughed softly, adjusting her Han Solo outfit as I took in my white Princess Leia outfit.

"Shut it, you scruffy looking nerf-herder," I told her, cocking my head to the side as I examined the cinnamon buns that had replaced my hair. "Damn, my head feels lopsided. How did Carrie Fisher manage it?"

"Who are you calling scruffy looking?" Lash deadpanned back at me. Her smile grew just a little. "But since you're enjoying the role..."

"Lash," I said slowly, taking in the sudden change in my wardrobe. "Put the old one back."

"But this new one is so charming," she told me earnestly. I felt the twitch in my eye that had almost

passed return. "And I know your deep fondness for this particular outfit..."

"Lash, I'm going to close my eyes," I told her slowly. "When I open them, I will be in anything but a 'slave Leia' bikini. This will be true, or so help me, I will burn my brain in order to get you."

"Of course, my host," she laughed as I did just like I said, cutting off the sight of... me... in... that.

"There. This may not be quite to your normal liking, but I should think it would be acceptable."

"Okay," I declared slowly as I took in the old style Starfleet regulation female uniform. "A little short on the skirt, but at least there's a skirt. I can work with this."

"I thought it most appropriate for the rest of the evening," Lash declared, nodding thoughtfully.

"I have to admit, but this isn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it might be," I told her, turning a bit to see how I looked in the uniform. All things considered, from all the possible ways a creature like Lash could have reacted, this was rather tame. Hell's bells, this might, and I would not admit it out loud short of considerable physical duress, actually be a bit fun. I had only ever been to one convention before, and considering the body count it had racked up that probably didn't count, but I could sort of see why hundreds of fans would pour hours and money into making costumes like this.

"Yes, my host. Give into the temptation," Lash stage-whispered as she cocked an eyebrow at me, her ears a lot longer than they were a few seconds ago. "It is only logical. Live long and prosper."

"Okay Spock," I sighed, smiling slightly. "Star date, whenever the hell I said it is. Captain's log..."

"Captain, if I might interject," Lash broke in, still looking at me with a straight face and a cocked eyebrow.

"What is it, number one?" I asked, wondering if it would be immature or awesome if I broke out some of my old Star Trek models and played with them in ways I really should be too old to do.

"If I may ask, when is the captain planning on absconding to her quarters to masturbate?" And like that, my train of thought was derailed.

"After all," Lash continued, still doing her Spock impression. "It appears you have a rare opportunity to examine the female form. It is only logical to experiment upon it, and according to our information, it will not last for too long."

"Oh no," I groaned, already seeing where she was going with this and wondering just how long it had taken her to set it up. "Don't do it Lash."

"After all..." she continued, and I think if she wasn't a shadow of a fallen she wouldn't have anywhere

near the self-control necessary to finish what she was about to say with a straight face. "You're better than this, Lash."

"...It's not often one has the chance to 'boldly go where no man has gone before'."

"God damn you, Lash."

"He most certainly has."