Song: Moderat - Bad Kingdom

Bonus:

Slipknot - Duality

Machine Gun Kelly - Death in my Pocket

Duality

Chicago | December 2007

Weeks drag. Same shit, every fucking day. And I'm bored, or tired. Listless, restless. I lay off the coke; I start working out more... I jerk off. A lot.

And it's always her.

I imagine what it would've been like if I hadn't answered my cell, if my hands had carried on pulling her panties down. The heat of her, how wet she'd be, the noises she'd make, how she'd feel.

Part of me feels like tracking her down. But I don't because she's better off. I know that. It's the only thing that's keeping me away. I'm a complication she don't need in her life.

"Checking out this place tonight," Alec says, bringing me out my stupor.

We're in the garage, sat in the office, cars we use and swap out beyond the pits. This place is a sanctuary for us. With a shower, a sofa big enough to crash on, CCTV...it's ideal for cleanin' up if we need to.

He chucks me a promo flyer for a strip club. BLISS, it says. It promises exclusivity, discretion, all for a hefty fuckin' price.

"Owner wants to sell. Got the manager—guy called Paul—happy to talk over figures later."

Turns out the flyer wasn't lying as we file in past broad bouncers, somewhere close to midnight later on that day. We're dressed up because this place is posh and there don't look like there's even one girl in this entire fucking place that couldn't be in Playboy or some shit.

Alec raises his eyebrows, impressed as a tiny blonde shows us into a private room, bubbly but grating.

"Why ain't we been here before?" Ben asks, whistling low.

Alec doesn't answer, eyes roving around the room, from the bar set up behind the booth, to the pole in the centre of the round table in front of us.

"Fuck if I know," he says, scratching a hand down his face. He raises his eyebrows, impressed. "Different from Fever. Diverse."

"It's what you want ain't it?" Ben says. "Hope your guy makes good on us sampling the goods..."

"Cus the only way you're gonna get near any pussy is if you pay for it, right?"

"Yeah, well," Ben says self consciously adjusting his shirt. "Money talks and I'm fine with that."

"Well, you gotta be fine with it, you ain't got a choice."

Ben shrugs, but I know it gets to him sometimes. Alec and me don't have to pay for shit.

"What's the fucking matter with you?" Alec asks, nudging me, taking out a Cuban. "Want some tampons to go with that mood?"

"Bored outta my mind. Ain't you ever get tired of this?" I gesture around.

I used to love this stuff when I was younger. What this life brought to the table. Money, excitement, danger, partying, fuckin' girls all over my cock.

But now?

"Pussy?" Alec asks. "Never. You need to get yourself laid. Get yourself a lap dance... Maybe take one of these girls home, sure some of 'em will be more than willing. Besides... thought you'd be fuckin' happy your plan went off. Want to celebrate."

There's a grim satisfaction in knowin' James is locked up, but all it's done is brought Bella to the forefront of my mind again when I've been trying my hardest to forget her.

"Needed doin'," I respond, looking down at my hands.

The door to the room thumps closed and I look up again, expecting to see the blonde who showed us in.

Only it's not.

The room grows smaller and it's like the fuckin' universe is fucking with me, or it's fate, or God, or whatever you want to fuckin' call it because...

She's here.

Wide-eyed, caught out, her eyes dart over us as her name forms on the tip of my tongue, my heart beating loud in my ears.

Bella.

And she might as well have knocked me out because this girl… this girl... she's pretty fuckin' everything.

I'm barely listening when Alec talks. But her? I hang on her every word. Her every movement, eyes taking in all the skin she has to offer. Tight little green skirt, tits I want to bury my face in. She's sin in six-inch heels and I'm ready to go to hell.

Then it slowly sinks in. Because she's working here. In a strip club, a handful of blocks away from my apartment.

All this fucking time?

I don't know whether to laugh or fuckin' punch somethin'. When Alec starts running his mouth I think it might be the latter. My hands twitch.

"Wasted effort there, huh? Persuading me not to make her work for me and she's gonna be doing just that soon enough," he says to me, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

I don't answer, my thumb finding my knuckles, teeth gritted. Alec pats my face, looking for a reaction. I give him one, shoving his hand away.

"Fuck off Alec, I swear to God-"

He cuts me off.

"You'll do what? You and this girl," Alec shakes his head. "You've gone all out for her and you haven't even fucked her. Maybe I'll get behind that for you, fuckin' pussy."

The thought of Alec and his dick anywhere near Bella…

"She don't like you," I growl. Truth is, she probably don't like me either. He smirks, like he knows.

When she leaves the room, I'm already on my feet, following her, ignoring the taunts that follow.

"What the fuck are you doin'?" My hand is by her head, trapping her by the wall.

She glares up at me as my eyes flick to her tits, her chest heaving, to her mouth in all its pouty perfection.

"What am I doing? I'm workin', like I've done almost every night for the last three months." She pauses. "Now if you don't mind, I've got other people that want my attention that I have to let down."

I can see the anger in her eyes, feel the venom in her voice when she lashes out but as she ducks under my arm and shakes me off, threatening to have me thrown out... the fact she's so angry gives me the hope that I don't deserve.

Because it means she cares.

And this time…

I'm not letting her go.

And there we go... Thanks so much for all the love, I appreciate you all so much. Hope you've enjoyed these little snapshots into Masen's head. I may write more, at some point, but this was what was included in the compilation . Plus, I've got new things on the go that I'm super stoked about. Less angst, less cliffies. It might surprise you, actually. 'Til next time!

HTFM xx