The First Hello

Part 1

It was a dark checkered floor room with two chairs standing next to each other's. One empty with a night stand by the side, the other was occupied. There sat a man on his twenties, with red pants and a pair of basketball oriented red shoes, wearing a black v neck t shirt with gold chains around his neck and rings on all odd fingers in his left hand. The man had short well groomed hair and a well-built complexion. He stood little over 6 ft tall when standing and was fairly handsome and manly looking. He took a look around the room thinking it was all just a morbid dream when he heard steps coming from behind. It was a girl with long sky blue hair tied on a loop with a water molecule clip. Sky eyes and a clothing pattern matching her color preference, looking to be five years younger than him and wearing a super short miniskirt that took all attention away from the rest of her outfit. The man was enticed by her dazzling figure as she walked by.

Aqua: Crim E. Vilan. Welcome to the afterlife.

The divine beauty captivated the man like no girl he had ever met. She was pretty beyond any women, a delicacy that transcended mortal aesthetics and beauty standards.

Aqua: My name is Aqua, the goddess that commands over the water domain and handles the matters of the afterlife on Earth.

Crim: Hello.

His single word carried lust and desire like no one the goddess had ever met before. She felt a chill go down her spine before she composed herself and returned to business.

Aqua: I'm afraid you have died. And as much as it pains me to bring these sad news to you I... I [Trembles] pssh hahahahahaa kusukusukusukusukusu!

The girl began laughing like someone was mercilessly tickling her. She let out burst after burst of hysterical ha ha ha and the man found himself confused about what was going on.

Aqua: Oh my I'm so sorry. Is just I've never seen someone die in such a hysterical way as YOUUUU!

What was confusion became annoyance as Crim realized she was making fun of his death. Strange thought he couldn't remember how he died.

Crim: I'm glad you find my death so hilarious but. How did I even die? I don't remember anything.

Aqua: AHAHAHA OHHHHHHH. You were stabbed to death by your harem.

Crim: WHAT!?

Aqua: Your girls got in an argument over which should have the right for you exclusively, and it ended with them killing you so none could get you in the end.

Crim: RIDICULOUS! What kind of reasoning is even that? What where those imbeciles even drinking!?

The goddess leaped out of her chair and walked over to him. Barely holding her laughter, she leaned next to his ear.

Aqua: They all lined up by your bed and began to fanatically stab you all over your body starting with your dick.

Memories of being awoken to an excruciating pain for just a slight second before the inevitable end awoke inside the mind of Crim.

Aqua: After stabbing nonstop for a whole minute they began to cry all over the indistinguishable mess that was your dead body.

Crim: Oh my God.

Aqua: I'm a goddess silly. Pssh ha ha, but wait it gets better. Right after they let it all out of their systems, they decided they hadn't had enough and only the one that hurt you the most would be the one that really loved you the most, so they left for the kitchen and returned with aprons and new sharpened knifes.

Crim: Oh please stop. [Trembling]

Aqua: HA HA! By the time they had finally stopped, what was left of you was just a fine red paste as they even crushed your bones to bits.

Crim: AAAAAAAAAAHHH STOOOOPPPP!

Crim began to desperately run across the checkered room, only to find it looped and had him running back to the chairs from the opposite directions. The sadistic goddess held her sides as tears rolled out of her eyes, her merciless laughter slowly boiling the blood on Crim veins.

Aqua: And the best part yet! Once they were done dicing you to bits, they began sharing on how they would dispose of your red paste, and one of them stood up. Flush him down the toilet! AND THEY SPENT THE NEXT WHOLE HOUR FLUSHING YOU A FISTFULL AT A TIME HA HAAAAA!

Crim: AAAAHHHHH QUIET I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!

Aqua: Aaaah that was the best. I feel like new after having a good laugh. Now let's return to business.

Crim: (Bitch you better watch out when you walk out night in heaven.)

Aqua: The reason you were summoned to this room is to have your choices read before you either enter heaven or reincarnate in a new life. That's what I should be saying, but sadly you're a hell bound soul. So you don't get to go to heaven, nor do you get to reincarnate until you pay for your sins. Your kind only comes here to listen to their sins before they get dropped into the fiery pits of hell.

Crim: Bullshit! I was an upstanding man and citizen my entire life. This has to be a mistake.

Aqua: You played with the lives of nine fresh out of college girls for your own amusement, and leeched out of their income to live a life of lust and decadence. Should I keep going?

Crim: [Surprise Pikachu face]

Aqua: Us gods have the power to see a mortal entire life all the way to his death with just a single look at them. You won't slick tongue your way out of this.

Despair fell upon the soul of Crim. Like a black lamb before the shepherd. He crumbled to his knees as his eyes widened and sweat rolled down his head. Fearing the inevitable roast he's about to get.

Aqua: But since your death amused me so much, and you carry no sins beyond being an irredeemable asshole. I'll provide you with a way out.

Crim: [Shoots up to his feet] Yes my beautiful goddess. I'm all ears to your merciful judgment.

Aqua: Well of course you are. I am the great goddess of water lady Aqua in the flesh herself. Of course my judgment will be nothing if not Just and Merciful. Now, you know those games the blonde girl in your harem played?

Crim: Oh yes, the ones I think are called RPG and such.

Aqua: Well there's a fantastical world just like that in need of a hero. A long lasting battle with the forces of the demon king have ravaged the world and the number of souls dying refuse to reincarnate there once again because of the horrible way in which they died. So we are having a bit of trouble with overpopulation on heaven and the deficit of souls to populate this world. That's where you come in, we—

Crim: Wait-wait-wait there a second. The deaths are so horrible that no one wants to reincarnate there? May I at least hear what hells deal it's all about?

Aqua: Oh sure, but hell is nothing like you sinners imagine it to be. There's no busty demon beauties to punish you and engage in SM role-play. Hells pit is as the name implies, a pit, First your sinners soul gets sent to the Sea of Fire Pits where you have no body but your souls somehow burns in pain for hundredths of years before it cleanses itself of any evil stain and gets send back to the world to reincarnate. The only contact you'll have is with the demons that live on the islands surrounded by the fire. Which are all just goat like burly men whose only task is to poke you with a fork should you begin to spill in their land.

Crim: (Oh God that's hell alright.)

Aqua: Besides, the world I'd be sending you isn't so bad. You get to keep your memories and will reincarnate there just the same as you stand now before me. We even implant all the knowledge of the local language so you can speak and read like a regular denizen of the land. There's a chance of your mind going poof but that's just as rare as winning the lotto.

Crim: Can you run that last bit by me again?

Aqua: PLUS! You'll be granted a cheat item to take with you. It can be anything from super strength to the power to see the future; it's like a power comparable to us gods. All you need to do is defeat the demon king and we even grant you a wish as a bonus. What do you say to this sweet deal?

Crim sat down on the chair and crossed his arms to think. After tenth seconds he spoke.

Crim: Just a question, why don't you Gods just dropdown on the demon king and take care of everything if you're the ones having overpopulation problems?

Aqua: Oh please silly, it never works that way. We gods don't meddle in mortal affairs beyond a little coaching and a light push on the back. A demon king sure isn't anything godly that would warrant our direct and divine intervention.

Crim: I see…. Alright, I get to be just as I am now. I get the language, a mighty item and a wish if I complete the ordeal. Correct?

Aqua: But of course, so does the beautiful and mighty goddess of water so declares. [Pulls out a stack of papers from the night stand]

Crim: Yes. The beautiful and mighty goddess so declares. Then I want a power that would let me enslave someone to my will.

Aqua dropped the stack of papers to the ground and stood frozen for a second. She turned to look at Crim in disgust.

Aqua: Uwah that's so disgusting, don't you sinners learn anything after death? No wonder you guys need to burn for centuries. Maybe I should just stick with neets even if they never accomplish anything.

Crim: Ouch, I just believe this to be the best and fastest course of action to free that world. I was quite resourceful in life. If you saw the way I lived like you said you did then you should know.

Aqua: Hummh… You did always get your way wherever you wanted, and the only reason you died was because the party got out of control while you were asleep. Very well sinner. [Snaps finger]

The stack of white papers disappeared from her hand and so did the nightstand that contained them. Three meters above Crim head a flame flickered and a red paper sheet with black letters began to fall down. Crim caught the single sheet of paper and the goddess spoke.

Aqua: That appears to be the only item that responded to my calling. That red sheet means it is a cursed item that was sealed here in heaven rather than one of our divine relics, which is already out of protocol for us to work with. If you can't make do with that I'm afraid you'd have to give up on whatever you're planning.

Crim: Then let's see what this does.

Crim stood up from the chair and focused on the black letters. He began to read out loud.

Crim: This item is called the Chains of Calamity, yep totally a curse contraption.

He paused before moving on to its uses.

Crim: It requires a Giver and a Receiver before it can be used. The chains will embed themselves on the skin, blood and nerves of the Giver. Until a Receiver is chosen, the chains will obey no command of the Giver other than to brand a selected Receiver. The Receiver is bound to the Giver and the chains will drag it back to the Giver no matter what... So this is the enslavement aspect of this item, but its sounding like this is just the price to pay, and it does something else more beneficial.

Crim let a satisfied look show on his face, as he had already achieved his goal completely. The rest was just a juicy bonus, he continued.

Crim: The Chains can grow in length at the expense of the Giver health and will levitate to the effects of the nerves it connects itself to. The chains are indestructible and can reproduce any pain to ever exist in each of its individual links by chanting [[Pain of the]] and reciting the words the Giver would associated with the desired pain. Any use that defies the chains logic will be retaliated at the Giver expense... Oh this is some nasty SM contraption. I know one of my girls would love me having this thing before.

Aqua: Uwah that's so messed up. I'm really starting to regret trusting you with this. Maybe hell hole is still open.

Crim: Wait a second you insufferabl— I mean my divine goddess... I assure you won't regret this. Just let me finish reading what it does.

Aqua: Alright but hurry it up, I got a long line to work with after you.

Crim: (You slutty used bubblegum, you won't have to worry about any line after am done.) The chains can record and reproduce any desired combination of inflicted pain as well as any generated and structured form by chanting [[Chains of Calamity Record]] and [[Chains of Calamity Replay]] before spelling the desire name the Giver assigns these actions. Finally the chains will…!

Aqua: Humph? What happened, you look like you seen a ghost all of a sudden.

Crim: Eh… No, is just. Is just the memory of my gruesome death coming back to me, all is right over here. Tell me my beautiful goddess. How do I get sent to this wonderful new world?

Aqua: My how gallant and educated for a parasite leech sinner.

Crim: (Keep digging you bitch, keep digging.)

Aqua: Is rather simple, you just stand in the center of the room and a magic circle will slowly levitate you before teleporting straight to a starting town.

Crim: That's all I needed to know. I'll take this item if you be so kind my goddess.

Crim held the sheet up to Aqua and she just outreached her hand at him. The red sheet caught fired and burned on Crim right forearm.

Crim: HAAAAAAAAA SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIEEEEET!

The flame on his right arm became a pure and unblemished silvery white single chain that wrapped around his forearm all the way from the elbow to the wrist. The chain had small spikes on each individual links, and was tightly encrusted on the skin as red blood spilled out of the wounds caused by the spikes piercing the flesh. Crim right arm began to color purple immediately as he tried to hold himself on his knee. The chain had a visible end sticking out right over the wrist and the other end pierced inside the skin near the elbow.

Aqua: Ouc-ouch-ouch-ouch! That's a cursed item for you, real hardcore with the consequences. Are you all right sinner?

Crim: UFFFFF AS IF! Shit this hurts like all hell. But it's all okay if it does what it says it does. I can put up with the pain for a little while longer.

Aqua: Hey about that cursed item. Wasn't it called the Chains of Calamity? All I see is just one single chain painfully wrapped and encrusted around your forearm.

Crim: I don't seriously give a fuck about the plural on the name right now. Just send me to that world right away.

Crim carried himself painfully to the center of the room. Aqua was startled by the sudden outburst and hurried to summon the circle and do her lines. The circle manifested under Crim shoes and he began to slowly float as Aqua recited her lines.

Aqua: Very well valiant and audacious parasite leech sinner. I the goddess Aqua of the Axis sect will pray for your safety and may you one day become the hero that will defeat the demon king and save the world. May we meet again.

Crim looked down on her as he was slightly floating higher and said.

Crim: No my stupid goddess. May you go whoop the demon king ass for me.

He said causing a look of confusion on Aqua face. Crim outreached his arm to Aqua and the tip of the chain sticking around his wrist flew straight for the goddess and wrapped around her neck.

Aqua: Eh!? Wait what the GUGH!

The chain wrapped around her neck tightly asphyxiating her and causing her to put out a ridiculous cartoony asphyxiated dark blue face as the chain spikes pierced her skin and lifted her of the floor all the way to Crim. There he caught the comical choked bluer than is goddess in his unromantic embrace and told her sadistically.

Crim: May our journey be ever this fun together, my goddess.

Part 2

It was a sunny morning in the plaza of the beginner's town of Axel. A man dressed in red and a woman dressed in blue stood out of nowhere in the tranquil public space.

Crim: Ah everything worked so fine I feel like I could break out singing, but I'll hold on that for now... Man this really is one of those medieval worlds just like in Clara games. Well guess I can stay here a few hours while the deed is done. Hey goddess look here, do something about this chains already it hurts to even look at my arm, think a little about how I feel.

The goddess was looking down at the ground while trembling, a spiky chain wrapped around her neck stretching all the way to Crim right arm as in some sick SM play. Crim approached her to see what was up and get something done about the chain when she pounced at him and began to cry relentlessly.

Aqua: WHAAAAAAAAHH WHAAAAAAAA UWAAAAAAAAA HOW COULD YOU! What have you done to me you devil!? WHAAAAAAAAA!

Crim: Alright calm down calm down. I had no idea the chain was going to wrap around your neck. Hell I didn't even think a God could be hurt by something like that alright.

Crim clarified feeling distressed by the whinny behavior of an almighty goddess. He was stupefied by her reaction but kept his cool and inquired with her.

Crim: Just calm down and heal us or whisk these wounds away or something.

Aqua: I can't do that! Since you caused my fall on this world whiteout the heavens approval, my powers got completely sealed!

Crim: Oh. Ehm well I guess we could find a doctor or something. [Falls to his knee]

Aqua: Leech are you all right?

Crim: No I am not…. Blood loss is…. not alright. I wasn't expecting you to. [Deep breath] Leave your almighty powers at home Ughr. [Collapses]

Aqua: Wait Leech, don't die, don't die yet first get this thing off me, somebody help! Help!

Passing priest: Got you missy [[Heal]] and [[Heal]].

A man of the cloth that heard the commotion approached the couple and proceeded to cast his magic on the girl and the man.

Passing priest: That should be all right for now. But please take that dangerous chain off this instant.

Aqua: We can't. The chain is cursed WAAAAAHHH!

Crim: Just calm down. I'll get if off you at least.

Crim got off the ground and sat cross legged near the kneeling and crying Aqua. But the moment he tried to grab the chain it suddenly loosened and fell off the goddess neck.

Crim: See nothing to worry about.

Crim stared at the chain as if it was a limb of his own. He felt the chain loosen up the moment he tried to do so with his own hands. He tried to bring himself closer for a look and the chain began to float until it was just about his face.

Crim: Interesting. It seems it can float on its own just as the text said. Hey goddess do you feel anything strange?

Aqua: [Cries slightly] No.

Passing priest: Goddess? Are you alright kid? I'd think you should find a hospital until some way to get this chain off turns around. I just healed your arm and it's already purple…. Oh my goddess Eris! [[Heal]]

The wounds on Crim left arm healed again but the spikes of the chain embed on his skin took not a second to worsen his skin complexion.

Aqua: That's what he gets for playing with a cursed item…. Wait a moment. You said you wanted an item that could enslave someone to your will. You meant to used it on me since the beginning YOU PARASITE LEECH!

Aqua pounce on top of Crim to beat him for his sins, he raised his fist up the air and she quickly retreated with her tail between her legs.

Crim: I'll deal with you later, now this thing. Even for a cursed item and what not I don't think it is meant to kill so quickly from what I read about it. It seems like it would need time to work its original purpose, so what else did it do that could help me? I got it! [[Pain of the Light Breeze]]

Crim chanted his first vocal command to the chain and absolutely no visual change happened.

Aqua: What are you doing you fool? Why are you activating the power of the chain like that, doesn't it hurt plenty already? Are you masochistic?

Crim: Keep going and I'll deal with you right here under the gaze of this entire town. Now check this out, father could I get one more of those heal magic's you did before.

Passing priest: But of course my boy. [[Heal]]

The priest healed Crim arm for the third time but something strange happened this time around.

Crim: Check it, it doesn't turn purple anymore nor does it hurt at all even with the spikes piercing on my arm. If anything it feels… Windy?

Aqua: What windy? Are you restarted? Or are you just pain retarded? How does that [Points at Crim right arm] feels windy to you?

Crim: The instructions said the chain could reproduce any pain in existence in any one of its links, so I figured I could have it dish something that wouldn't hurt that much, and as I can see. It worked. It feels windy.

Aqua: Preposterous, let me see! [Grabs Crim chain embedded arm] It feels, nice and fresh? What the heck is this? Why does something so painfuly looking feels so good to the touch?

Said Aqua as she wrapped herself around Crim right arm like it was ice on summer.

Crim: (Yeah that's right, stay like that and you shall be forgiven. For now!) Father I can't thank you enough for helping us out.

Passing priest: Think nothing of it son. This is just par with the mission.

Crim: Glad to hear it. Could you tell me where we can get that cool magic ourselves? I was under the impression everyone could use magic around here.

Passing priest: Of course everyone can use magic, what kind of question is even that? But unless you want to commit to a religion order like me, I suggest you head for the adventurers guild. Is just down that road and you can even find some work if your willing to put your guts to the test.

Crim: Thank you. We'll see you around.

Crim walked as he dragged Aqua, who was stuck to his arm, feeling the nice breeze emanating from it. Once they walked enough distance to speak more privately, Crim shot back.

Crim: Alright that's enough we need to talk. Explain in detail how you get your powers back so I can send you on your way to the demon king and focus on finding us the best motel this backwater town has to offer.

Aqua: I think I'd heard you wrong, what was that about a motel you parasite leech?

Crim: (Oh you heard that right dear.) Focus now goddess, I need you to tell me how we get your powers back so we can get this whole business on the way.

Aqua: Oh I just need to get an adventurer card at the guild. Usually when us goddesses want to decent on the mortal world, we do so through an avatar that's routed with the power and laws of the world. But you brought my true body down with you. My divine power has been greatly reduced and all my skills and magic sealed until I can get my hands on the corresponding equivalent of this word. I am a healing type goddess, so once I'll get my hands on a healer class everything should be all right.

Crim: (Healer type huh. I remember how Clara used to say white mages are the gods of this realm. And you want your precious HP you better pray for it! Here's your divine intervention lowly mortal [[Benediction]] and other such lines when I saw her play online. Guess it makes sense the gods specialize in something even if they would have the power to reshape the world at their will.)

Crim thought to himself as he walked.

Aqua: Hey I been listening to you praise me and such about my awesome powers as the true and genuine goddess I am, but I can't help but feel like you have a misunderstanding about me.

Crim: Huh you said something? Doesn't matter we are here. Just need you to pick a class and that'll be like getting the permit to use your powers right? Then the demon king goes puff and I get my divine booty and wish cherry on top.

Aqua: Again, I can't help but get the feeling that you're misunderstanding something. And you keep saying stuff that feels strangely dangerous to me right now.

Crim: Heave ho hoe.

Crim walked inside the adventurer's guild. The place was rowdy and loud like a bar. It did double as a bar after all. Aqua hid herself behind Crim back, and he just strolled inside.

Crim: Where can I get a class around here?

And the guild went silent. Everyone just stood gazing at the inconspicuous red dressed man who asked a completely incoherent question and had a painful looking chain embedded on his right forearm. A man with a Mohawk walked up to him.

Ruffian: Did you mean you're here to become an adventurer kid?

Crim: No, I'm here because I need my girlfriend to get a class so she can use her powers again.

Aqua: WHO DID YOU JUST CALLED YOUR GIRLFRIEND!?

Aqua began to shake Crim by the shoulders while he stood as deadpan as he could in defiance of her complaint.

Ruffian: Yes I get what you mean; you need to get her an adventurer's card so she can make use of her skills. Just go over to the lady by the counter right there. Her name is Luna, she'll help you out with the procedure.

Crim: Oh cool, thanks man.

Ruffian: No problem partner, and welcome to the gates of hell.

Crim: Aha yeah eh, thanks. [Sweat profusely]

Aqua: Phsssssss kusukusukusukusukusu! Now Leech aren't you happy to be where you belong HA HA!

Crim: (If only she knew I've been counting and she's getting a spanking per every time she calls me a leech).

Crim ignored the doomed goddess, for come nightfall, she'll pay in plenty, and strolled in the direction of the counter. But just as in cue, a huge shirtless man wearing belts all over his pecs stood up from one of the tables with a malicious smile. The men around him began to laugh as they knew him up to his usual antics, and Ruffian couldn't help but sigh before he returned to his seat. The shirtless man cut in Crim way and stared at him menacingly with a devious smile on his face.

Shirtpecs: Hey kid where do you think you're going? Did nobody said you had to win the favor of the great lord Shirtpecs before you could even stand foot on this guild huh? You and your girlfriend have guts eh. But you know what eh, you seem new around here, so I'll let you off the hook for some coin and a night out with your—

One bar fight later.

Crim: Is this all you got, a mere forty lousy coin purse? I'll be ashamed to be seen with this short dough in the streets. [Spits]

Crim had no idea what the value was for the forty coins purse he slid on his pocket, but it didn't stop him from complaining and spitting at the bloody Shirtpecs face. The guild shoot up in cheers the moment the fight had started and shat up five seconds after seeing the one side fist barrage the shirtless man was eating. It was so brutal and relentless some wondered if Crim was even breathing as he dished the beating. Crim took a satisfied deep breath as he let out some stress and now had money on his pocket. He resumed strolling merrily for the counter. Aqua timidly followed behind him and she accidentally stepped on the bloody face of Shirtpecs as she passed by. She freaked out after seeing the shit she had step on and bowed down and apologized profusely to the still KO mess of a man on the ground. Crim stood in front of Luna.

Crim: How's it going beautiful, we are here for—

Luna: No.

Silence fell over the guild as everyone was now too interested in the newcomers to even take a sip of beer. Caught off guard but quickly to recover, Crim shot back.

Crim: Excuse you? [Menacingly]

Luna: It is true we tolerate some rowdy conduct, but mugging and brutalizing are out of bounds. Return that purse and apologize to the man you just beat up if you want to make use of the guild services. [Defiantly]

Crim: My my darling. Did you left your glasses and ears on the drawer back home? He started it, I just retaliated nicely. [Menacingly]

Luna: And you will apologize nicely, or I will forbid you from becoming an adventurer in any guild on the kingdom of Bhelzerg. [Defiantly]

Crim: Ah ever the stuck up type, how I missed your kind since I'd quit high school. How's your boyfriend? Did you use him to sign your documents this morning? Or did you dump him for a newer ink?

When it seemed the guild couldn't get quieter, a mad silence befitting of the gates of oblivion itself befell the drunken halls.

Crim: Ups sorry did my lips say something mean to chuu. [Mocking kiss]

One guild ban later, standing right outside the door mark of the guild like a dog banned from the kitchen, just close enough to the mark to exert defiance over the forbidden territory.

Crim: THIS IS ABUSE OF POWER AND I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH THE MANAGER!

Luna: GET OUT!

Luna shoot back the moment an inch of Crim shoe crossed the door line inside the guild. Everyone sipped their drinks in silence for fear of getting yelled at. A useless goddess put her holy hand on the shoulder of the delinquent sinner and dragged him away from the guild.

Aqua: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET MY POWERS NOW WHAAAAAAAA!?

She screamed and instantly broke down crying.

Crim: I don't matter; I'm just a lowly mortal sinner anyways. All it matters is she didn't say anything about you; take the money and go get what's rightfully (Mine) ours.

Crim said speaking in a grandeur tone to wash away any attention to his accidental blunt from before and put half the coins he had in Aqua delicate palm.

Aqua: Whaah I don't want too. What if she's mean to me because I was seen hanging with the likes of you?

Crim: An excellent point my goddess. But you have nothing to worry about, her kind never has beef with the girlfriend. Go and I'll assure you everything will work alright.

Aqua: I don't want to; if you're so sure of everything then you go yourself hmmp! [Pouts]

Crim: Now listen here you little blue licking candy. I don't have the patience to find or walk to another guild right now, and as omnipotent and divine as you can be. Until you come out of there with your divinity back, I wear the pants in this relationship. And I died in my sleep, meaning I probably haven't spanked anything in over 8 hours, and I don't give a crap if people are watching. Do you still want to stick around me or that girl now?

Tears streamed out of the useless goddess eyes as she covered her rear with her hands and back pedaled from the dangerous red dressed man. After giving him the look you would a sex offender, the goddess turned to the guild and everyone inside disappeared from the door and windows of the establishment. The moment the useless goddess walked inside everyone was sitting back at their tables in a hurry. Aqua teary and timidly walked to the counter Luna was manning.

Luna: You don't have to say anything dear, I've heard everything. Just stay here and I'll have the guards take him away in five minutes.

Aqua: No wait! I I know he's unrepentant, a terrible, vulgar degenerate, parasite, leech and sinner. But I'm stuck with him right now, and I seen through his soul what he's really like when he isn't angry, and.. And…

Crim: (Alright screw counting, she's getting the full spank course tonight).

Thought Crim as he stood by the door line outside the guild like a dog who's not allowed inside the kitchen.

Aqua: And screw that guy! Why do I even trust him this much over just seeing what his life was like? How dare he treat me like this!

Crim: (They say tomorrow is tonight and tonight is right now) COME HERE YOU FALLEN BITCH!

Luna: GET OUT!

Crim walked out after walking in fuming like a volcano. Aqua breathed in relief but quickly turned as not to make eye contact with the mad dog waiting just outside.

Luna: You don't need to worry about him. Once you get your adventurer card and grab a couple skills you'll be ways stronger than a mere bully clad in red.

Crim: YES I'VE BEEN COUNTING ON THAT!

Luna: QUIET! Now just pay the registration fee then place your hand on the blue sphere, and that man won't be able to hurt you anymore.

Crim: (This bitch is really going on and on about the bad boyfriend drama. I haven't hurt the goddess. YET!)

Inside the guild everyone reunited around the newcomer as she put her hand on the blue sphere and trough a laser build on the contraption. It began to write the detail of the individual on the card. Luna took the card to see what it was about.

Luna: Let's see… Oh my goddess Eris. These are the highest stats I've ever seen.

Crim: (I like it when I get the quality I paid for.)

Thought Crim as he stood by the door watching over the commotion inside.

Luna: Other than intelligence that's below average and your luck which is the worst I've ever seen. This is just amazing lady Aqua; you can pick any three out of the four most advanced classes.

Crim: (Who even needs luck anyways when you're a god, but what was that about intelligence? Was she really retarded?) HEY AQUA, ARE YOU RETARDED!?

Aqua: OF COURSE NOT YOU PARASITE I AM A GODDESS!

Silence fell over the guild momentarily again.

Crim: (Well wherever it was true or not before, after that blurt nobody will be convinced otherwise.)

Tears rolled down the beautiful face of the goddess as everyone went silent after her words and the red man by the door was blowing raspberries in a buffoonish manner.

Aqua: [Hic, sniff, cries] WHAAAAAAAH YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS YOU MEANIE, BULLY!

Luna: Hold on lady Aqua, pick a class first for attack bonuses.

Luna held Aqua arms just as she was about to charge towards the red bully.

Luna: Other than archmage which requires a high intelligence stat, you can pick any of swordsman, crusader, or archpriest. I recommend crusader as it grants bonuses for unarmed combat and submission holds. Though with your stats you can probably snap his spine like a twig anyways.

Aqua: Uhm I see, I'll pick archpriest then. It is unbecoming of a goddess to fight on the front lines, so I'll settle for healing and supporting from the back row. Besides now that I have my god blow back I can teach that infidel a lesson he won't soon forget.

Everyone simultaneously turned to the door frame to look at the infidel who was smiling amusingly at the turn of events while he leaned cross-legged and cross arm against the door frame. Just slightly inside the guild enough to grind at Luna gears. Aqua pouted at the mockingly grin he gave her, and she began swiping the adventure card in fervor as she took skill after skill and class bonus after bonus until she had ran out of branches of the archpriest tree and the dubious party skill tree. Both necessary to perform her role and dance over her enemy after its divine defeat. Luna put her hands on the goddess shoulders like a coach about to send her student to fight on the ring.

Luna: Listen lady Aqua. That man strikes me as the type that would take heavy physical and emotional damage from a blow to his privates. Don't be ashamed to play dirty and use seduction if necessary.

Aqua: I got it, leave him to me. I'll teach that man to respect goddesses!

Everyone began to cheer for the girl who was about to stick it to her abusive boyfriend. The abusive boyfriend in question was smiling deviously from ear to ear as he observes the hilarious circumstance that had built up. He tried his damdest best to wipe the mocking grin off his face to let out a menacing look. His cold stern and aggressive gaze made everyone inside the guild feel unease, and Aqua backpedaled with her trembling legs and her face pale from terror. But she shook her head and recomposed herself after remembering she was a goddess and he was a mortal. His insolence won't be tolerated any longer. She took heavy steps as she swings her shoulders large in a cute attempt to appear more menacing. The abusive boyfriend uncrossed his arms and pointed his right hand on Aqua way. The chain that could grow on the health of his wearer began to spill on the ground leaving a heavy metal on wood crash sound as it kept spilling like water from a broken faucet. Aqua froze in place at the clank-clank-clank sound made by the chain.

Crim: Oh my stupid goddess, did you perhaps forget that you're bound to me by these chains? Did you perhaps forget that they don't work unless a peon has been submitted to my will and if they do work then it means your screw? Did it ever occur you that I had nothing to fear for a reason? Who knows what these chains would do to you if you were to harm me in anyway? I got on good ground from my girlfriend Sussie who likes anime. That this enslavement type magic's treats real nasty to defiant behaviors against its master. Sussie told me after watching some shield novela type anime. And there it was just magic, this is coming straight from the chain that records all pain in existence. Do you really want to try this out?

Aqua: [Soft cry, mild cry, big cry] WHAAAAAAAHHHH ITS NOT FAIR WHYYYYYYY WUAAAHHHH!

Luna: YOU MONSTER! How can you play with a girl feelings like that!? I hope you burn in hell!

Guild adventurer: Yeah you make me sick!

Guild girl adventurer: Burn in hell you jerk!

Nerdy adventurer: I'll take your girl if you don't want her!

Crim did a shake of his hand and the chain levitated slightly and slammed hard on the wood floors. Letting a deafening loud sound that shut everyone up. He walked menacingly inside the guild all the way to the blue haired girl that was keeling on the floor crying with her cute sky eyes covered by her soft hands. Crim brought his hand over her and everyone braced for the worst. He slowly caressed her head and wipes her tears with his hands.

Crim: I was joking, I'd never hurt someone as pretty and enchanting as you, even if you wanted me death. Please forgive me for taking this bad joke so far. Let's leave this godforsaken guild behind and find a place quieter to talk things out.

Lies deceptions and the good old carrot, manipulation 100. Hearing his words and seeing his warm and tenure expression Aqua couldn't feel scared of him anymore. He offered her his left hand as he held his right behind his back so as to not startle her, the chain slowly retracting back to size around his right arm and behind his back. Once she got up, she shakes his hold on her soft hands, showing she still felt some displeasure over what had happened and he was not out the water just yet. He smiled tenderly at her with just a slight vein on his temple threatening to burst out any second.

Crim: I'll wait outside for when you're ready; we still got a long day and a demon king to take on.

After expressing his most insincere apologies, Crim walked out the guild door and stood just far enough outside to hear what was going on. Aqua turned around to Luna.

Aqua: Thank you for helping me.

And she tried to leave; Luna recomposed herself from the shock and stopped her.

Luna: Wait lady Aqua, if you're going to take on a quest for the rest of the day I like to make a recommendation.

Luna went to the quest board and returned with a paper in hand.

Luna: This is currently the easiest quest we have. It's about the extermination of giants frogs. Please bring it up if that man suggests anything dangerous. It might save your lives to start humble.

Aqua: Thank you, I'll bring it up with him.

Aqua took the quest sheet and began to walk towards Crim.

Luna: Wait please lady Aqua! There's one more thing you should know.

Aqua: What is it?

Luna: The giant frogs are nearly immune to blunt damage, so I'd recommend you get at least a broad sword before you face against them.

Aqua: Thank you, I promise I won't forget all the help you given me.

And she left for Crim way. The tense atmosphere on the guild finally calmed and everyone deflated like they were holding their breath. Then the women began to bite their nails in jealousy and the men began to grind their teeth. A single one of them spoke up.

Nerdy adventurer: FUCK! I wanted them to break up.

And the guild was drowned in noise and anger as everyone hated the man in red. Walking at about half a block away when the guild erupted in rage.

Crim: What's that note you're holding?

Aqua: Oh this? The guild lady said I should bring up this quest if you tried to make me do anything dangerous.

Crim: Oh that's it? All I need you to do is teleport to the demon king castle and defeat him before the evening so we can have some alone time.

Aqua stopped walking as she stood in shock. Crim noticed how she was lagging behind with her pale face and went back for her.

Crim: Is something the matter?

Aqua: I a… I… don't know teleport.

A realization began to hit her. That strange misunderstanding she felt like he was having about her all along but she didn't cared enough to bother with.

Crim: Oh. Well just fly there. So long as you get back before the evening I won't complain.

Aqua: [Submissive] I can't, fly, either.

Crim: [Confusion] Does that mean you have to walk there?

Aqua: Y-yes, and also. Since I am a healer type and I even picked the healer class just now I… I can't defeat the demon king by myself. [Submissive, pokes finger tips]

Crim: Hold on a second, you're a goddess right? I know some might not be as powerful as some others but at the very least a god is something that is classified on a whole nother level from regular mortals. You even said a demon king wasn't worth your time. That's one of the reasons I've picked you, to force you to waste your time and save the world.

Aqua: Well, the thing is…. Please don't hit me… You see… Demon kings are really powerful…. I am sorry… Some even more than us gods, and I in particular.. I am sorry, don't hurt me…. Am a healer type goddess, I am sorry, I don't have any offensive powers to speak off….. And I can't defeat anyone….. I am sorry.

Crim: [Collapses] (She's joking right? Somebody tell me she's joking. I thought they just wouldn't bother getting their hands dirty and brought her here to do so. How can a goddess be this useless? No wait, her stats, her stats where high. Maybe she's strong and she just doesn't know it, her intelligence was low….. Oh my goddess that wasn't a fluke, her intelligence is really below average for mortals, she really is restarted. Ohhhhh I feel like I was sleeping on a house fire and I wasn't feeling the heat.)

Aqua: Please don't hit me I am sorry please don't hit me I am sorry please don't hurt me I am sorry. I got carried away with all the praise and didn't pay attention to what you where implying, please don't hurt me I am sorry.

The couple fell in despair as they both rolled on the ground in defeat. The bystanders couldn't help but comment on their weird behavior.

Village kid: Mommy what are those kids doing? You told me I'd get dirty if I rolled on the dog pooped ground like that.

Village mother: Don't make eye contact junior. They might come and beg us for money.

The mother hushed away dragging his son with her. Crim finally recovered and got up dusting his clothes off.

Crim: No more daydreaming or fooling around, give me that quest. We'll see just what you're capable of and what not right now. There's no way some demon. King or not is above god, you just don't know the extent of your true powers. [Delusional]

Aqua: That's right. I'm a goddess [Recovers, dust herself off]. I'll show you just how powerful I can be when I get serious. [Very delusional]

Crim: But first tell me what that guild girl said about the guest.

Aqua: Huh what did she said?

Crim: She gave you a warning right before you left, but I could barely listen so I didn't catch up with what she said. You promised her you wouldn't forget her help remember?

Aqua: Oh right I remember saying that to her, but I just can't remember what she told me, is probably nothing important.

Crim: (This goddess, this useless goddess) You know what, just for good measure I am getting a weapon.

Part 3

Later on the outskirts of Axel, just outside the wall, a couple walked farther and farther from the walls. A man clad in red from the waist down and black from the waist up, with a cheap sword on hip and a painfully embedded serrated chain on his right forearm, walked next to a beautiful girl clad in blue with a miniskirts and long blue waist length hair.

Crim: Damn I knew that jackass was poor. How did I spend all his money in a registration fee and a cheap single sword?

Aqua: Don't worry about it; you got the beautiful goddess Aqua on your side. Mere toads won't even be worth the dirt under my heels.

Crim: Okay I believe you. Just please don't get killed or something.

Aqua: Rude. You think the weakest monster in the weakest town is going to get me killed? What happened to all the trust you had on the gods before?

Crim: I left it in the dog pooped ground.

Just as the two bickered, a green creature way bigger than a bull jumped out of the forest. His hungry yellow eyes had spotted prey walking defensibly his way.

Crim: Holy shit that's big! Remind me not to pick anything that says giant spiders in a quest, nope just nope.

Aqua: Psss kusukusukusukusu! Why are you so pale that's literally the weakest monster in the world HA HA!

Crim took a serious look at the creature. It was big enough to swallow him whole, it had so much body mass that it shakes the ground every time it landed, he could see its thick skin all the way from here. Everything about it screamed serious trouble. He took a better look at the flimsy and unarmed goddess he was expecting to contest with this monster. She was still laughing her ass off. He pissedly thought. If we survive this, there's no witness around. He prepared to draw the sword hanging from his waist in case he needs it.

Crim: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOOBUARGH! [Severe electric shock, collapses with smoke coming out of his body]

Aqua: Hiiiiii don't scare me like that you parasite leech! What's gotten into you, why do you look well done?

Crim: [Coughs smoke] WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? Shit the frog!

The frog had closed the distance while he had gotten electrocuted and the goddess had preoccupantly not blasted it out of existence with some godly powers. Just as Crim feared, she barely stood her ground holding her sides in laughter feeling no ounce of the eminent danger approaching. He jumped straight to pick the sword he had dropped.

Crim: OWOWOWOWOOAOOAWOAWOWOAAOAOOOOSHITTTTTTTTBUARG! [Severe electric shock, collapses].

Aqua: KUSUKUSUKUSKUSUKUSU HAHAHAHAH HAHAAA! What are you even doing!? It's hilarious! You look like fried chicken HA HA!

Crim: (Remember Crim, survive and there won't be anybody to save her.) Fuck that sword it's cursed, I felt the shock the moment I tried to draw it.

Aqua: HAHA HAHA HAAAA! You got scammed! You got scammed the moment I took my eyes off you, poor little hapless boy, your lost whiteout my divine guidance. Here I'll seal the curse for you [[Seal]]

Crim: (Not an ounce of divinity will be left after I'm done with you.) [Tries to grab the sword a third time] OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKBUFARGH! [Collapses crispily]

Aqua: KUSUKUSUKUSUKUSUKUSU! [Laughs] Your hilarious! [[Heal]]

A green light came over Crim body and healed him from crispy to slightly burn. Aqua felt like he deserves to burn a little and held back on the heal.

Crim: YOU USSELESS GODDESS! You didn't seal shit, I still got electrocuted!

Aqua: Oh that's because the sword wasn't cursed to begin with. My powers aren't so weak I couldn't spot a curse from right under my nose. I just though it be funny to see you do it again.

Crim: (She just sealed her fate right there.) Fuck it just do something about it, the frog is closing and I need the sword!

Aqua: Why do you even need a weapon when you got me? But sure Leech. I'll use my holy power to find out what's wrong with you.

Aqua closed her eyes and concentrated, light began to swirl around her arms and then.

Aqua: PUHAHAHAHAHAAH OH MY THIS IS HILARIUS! There's no curse, this is divine magic. You got punished by the heavens for dragging me down whitouth permission, and now anytime you pick a weapon with the intend to use it you get electrocuted HA HA!

Crim: (If I live through this I'm enlisting for the demon king army and scorching the heavens as my next goal. Humm!?) Shit Aqua look out!

Aqua: Eh? GYAAAAAAHHH!

Crim: AQUAAAAAAA!

The giant frog closed in enough to use his secret move and launched its tongue after the vibrant blue colored prey in its sight. The goddess fell divinely on the frog's mouth as it closed, leaving just her twitching legs outside, as the frog lifted its head to let gravity do its work and swallow the tasty treat.

Crim: (Did that fucking Amphibian just beat me to the punch!? No focus. I have to save her before she gets digested.) Release her this instant you fucking frog of the pond! [Punches the frog]

It was ineffective, just like hitting a tractor tire with his bare fist. He began to throw an entire barrage of his best punches and kicks but it did nothing. A blue boot fell just at his side. Aqua was almost completely down the frog stomach. In his desperation Crim hit the frog with his right arm, hoping to pierce the creature skin with the spikes of the chain. It failed; he didn't even see a small puncture. Crim looked at the chain in his arm and he remembered that it could in fact grow to great lengths. He spread his five fingers. As if on command the chain began spilling endlessly on the ground. Crim took not a second and tossed it around the frog neck and tightened it as if to choke the giant creature to death.

Crim: DAMMIT DIE ALREADY!

It was once again ineffective, if anything the chains weren't even pressing against the toad skin. Even under his grip it just felt like just strong wind when he remembered something.

Crim: [[Pain of the Chains of Calamity]]

A burning sensation ran through his right forearm and his hands, dozens upon dozens of small spikes began to feel piercing his skin as blood spilled out the wounds. Crim looked up at the frog with his teeth grit. The neck of the creature was spilling blood and turning black, the creature was convulsing as its breathing had abruptly been cut off. It began to spin around over and over, dragging Crim along until the frog finally died and collapsed.

Aqua: UWAAAAAAAH! [Cries]

Crim: I need healing. [Bleeds]

Aqua: WHYYYYYYAAAAAAHHH! [Cries]

Crim: I said I…. Need healing. [Bleeds]

Aqua: THANK YOU! WHAAAAA THANK YOU LEECH UWAAAAAA!

Crim: Then heal me…. Useless goddess. [Faints]

Aqua: Oh right sorry. [[Sacred Heal]] Are you alright Leech?

Crim: The hell didn't you use that one beforeooooh shit! [[Pain of the Light Breeze]]….. Uff, now heal me again.

Aqua: [[Heal]]

Crim returned the chain to its harmless breeze state the moment he began to feel pain again after recovering from the blood loss. Aqua whipped the tears from her face and jump tackled Crim down crying.

Aqua: Thank you! Thaaaank youuu! I was so scared!

Crim: Man do you stink, get off! Fucking frog, easy my ass, this was the hardest I ever fought in my life, and you. Aren't you ashamed? You got eaten before you could even do shit, and you call yourself a goddess?

Aqua: I don't call myself. I am a goddess! I'll show you. I'll defeat that one by myself! [Charges]

Crim: That one-AAAAAAAHHH THERES ANOTHER! WAIT IDIOT DON'T FIGHT, RUN!

Aqua: Pay attention Leech. I'll show you what a goddess can do. You foolish beast who defies the gods, how dare you raise your hand against us! You'll pay for this! [[God Blow]]

Crim: YEEEEEESSSSS DIVINE POWER AT LAST! I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU USELESS GODDESS!

Aqua: God blow is a technique that carries the pain and sorrow of a goddess. Anyone it strikes will perish!

Aqua punch wrapped in golden light hit the body of the frog and sent ripples across its skin, a visible result from when Crim hit the other frog and did nothing; however it did absolutely nothing else. Aqua smiled innocently after she realized how screwed she was.

Aqua: You know now that I look closer. You froggies are kinda cute.

The frog bent down and swallowed the lousy blue snack. Aqua let a cute guhi sound as she was once again being swallowed.

Crim: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! GODS WHY WHYYYY UGH! It is as I feared, she's completely useless, and god seeing it on perspective that was pathetic. I hope nobody saw me punch the frog from before.

Anguished and broken out of denial. Embarrassed for having done the same as the mentally challenged goddess, Crim rolled on the ground screaming to spell the cringe out of his body. He knew full well, that he would have to feel the pain of the chain once again if he wanted to save the goddess, but he didn't want to. So he lay on his left side while he tried to think of a way out. The frog enjoying his meal, rich in protein and good for hydrating too. Then amongst the tranquility of the plains, a memory resurfaced and a thought occurred.

Crim: [[Pain of the Chains of Calamity]]

Crim braced himself to feel the piercing pain, yet nothing happened. He took hold of the chain and began to get a feel of it. It felt windy, all the way till he reached the two links at the tip which where the goal of his little experiment. The two links had a metallic feel to them, just as Crim had hoped they would.

Crim: Oh this is it! [[Pain of the Molten Magma]]

Two meters long in links out of five meters starting from the tip of the chain light up in hot red steel. The grass under the chain immediately caught fire and Crim tried to levitate the chain as he did so before. The chain began to float as if he were holding it all along.

Crim: This might actually work.

He stood firm and swiped his hand in the way of the frog. The chain caught speed before his eyes and lashed the head of the creature before he could blink, the sound of flesh searing and rendering apart was heard before blood gushed out of the creature as its cranium split in two. The frog died instantly and fell with its mouth open, spilling the contents all over the place. There slid down a stinky wet meal.

Aqua: UWAAAAAA THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Crim: (Ulysses would cry if he saw Poseidon like this.)

Aqua: THANK YOU LEECH GUHYAAAAA!

Crim: AQUA!

Before Aqua could get up from the ground, a long sticky tongue wrapped around her waist and sling shot her inside the mouth of a different frog.

Crim: Wait I'll save you! [Lashes the frog head with the burning chain]

Once again all I took was a shake of his palm and the chain killed the creature in a single lash. The lash generated from the molting hot magma chain cut through the creature head all the way, searing the flesh and leaving a bloody hole that reached all the way inside the mouth of the beast. The frog fell dead on the spot and Aqua spilled out its mouth.

Aqua: THANK— GYYYYAAAAH!

As it's attracted by the vibrant blue of the goddess, another frog tongue caught Aqua by the waist just seconds after spilling out the third death frog. But as if refusing to lose its prey, a fifth frog threw her tongue at her and caught her thights mid sling route to the fourth frog mouth. The frogs began a tug war over the goddess. She felt like her organs would spill out of her mouth from the tongue squeeze under her breast, and her legs felt like they would rip apart from the pressure on her thights. Her screams and face gestures got so ridiculous that Crim thought he was watching a cartoon for a moment. A molting hot red chain lashed the tongue of the fourth frog in two. And with no one pulling Aqua by the waist, she sling shot inside the fifth frog mouth. The fourth frog began to shake violently as foam came out of its mouth and gallons of blood out the tongue, it died shortly after. Crim traced an ark with his hand and the chain lashed dead the fifth frog. He prepared himself to see Aqua spill out crying when he noticed something horrifying.

Aqua: [Spills out the frog] WHAAAHHH WHY MEE—

Crim: DON'T LOOK BACK, RUN!

As if she was told to look back right that instant, Aqua turned around, and what she saw was nothing less than nightmare fuel. Fifteen frogs where closing in on her. Coming out of the ground and the forest, the commotion had drawn then all out together. Aqua nearly pees herself as she began desperately running and slipping on the death frog fluids in a vain attempt to get away.

Aqua: NOOOOOOOOOOO! [Slips]

Crim: DAMMIT!

Crim charged with the burning chain at the frogs and the frogs tongue charged at the slipping bait goddess.

Aqua: WHYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEE BHUAAAAAAA!

Fifteen death frogs and twelve goddess meals later.

Crim: Get the fuck away from me. You smell like sixteen different frog stomachs! [Runs away]

Aqua: WHAAAHH DON'T ABANDON ME! DON'T LEAVE ME BEHIND! [Chases after]

Crim: Take a bath first! [Continues running]

One long bath and a guild report later at one of the tables of the guild.

Aqua: BUAAAAHHH THE FROGS. THE FROGS ARE COMING FOR ME! BUAAAHHH! [Pauses to drink bear]

Luna: Lady Aqua please calm down, you're alright now. The frogs can't get you anymore. [Warmly pats Aqua head]

Crim: You should seen it. I was terrified the first six times she got eaten, but then it got so hilarious I'd needed healing on my sides after it was over HA HA!

Crim did the signature laugh that Aqua kept throwing at him since they met and Luna furiously shot back.

Luna: STAY OUT!

Said to Crim who was doing an exercise that consisted of jumping back and forwards to get inside and out the guild to piss off Luna.

Crim: Oh man that was such a good time. But anyways is late now. Aqua, let's go find a motel to sleep.

Aqua: UWAAAHHH THE FROGS, THE FROGS! [Drinks bear]

Crim: Hey do I look stupid? I know you stopped crying long ago you useless goddess, come here and stop wasting the reward.

Aqua: WHAAAA THERES A MEAN RED FROG BY THE DOOR!

Crim: I'll fucking kill you bitch! [Walks inside the guild]

Luna: GET OUT! And don't come whiting two hundredth meters of this place or I'll call the guards.

Crim: Fucking boyfriendless bitch mind your own fucking business. [Leaves the guild]

Part 4

It was the dead of midnight and Aqua was puking rainbows outside the guild. She couldn't find Crim anywhere and began walking drunkenly all over town until a passing guard told her he seen a red dressed man around the stables. She made way and found Crim collapsed on the ground of what looked to have been a terrible battlefield.

Aqua: Leech don't die on me! [[Sacred heal]]

The spell healed Crim wounds immediately and he got up with a headache.

Crim: Ugh finally. I was kissing the ground for hours.

Aqua: What happened? Was it the demon king army, the Eris cult, the frogs, who did this to you?

Crim: Is nothing like it. I just took too lightly the instructions that said. The chain grows at the owner's health expense, and nearly killed myself practicing.

Aqua: You were practicing?

Crim: Yes since I obviously am not going to get out of this mess with your help. I figured many things about the way the chain worked today. So I went the extra mile and learned everything I could about it while you drank our money.

Aqua looked away at the accusation.

Crim: Anyways, how much was left after you had your beer therapy?

Aqua: Tehe, about that. [Sticks tongue out cutely and hands over two coins].

Crim: What is this?

Aqua: Well you see….. They had this awesome high quality liquor and it was so good and before I knew about it I was handed the bill and….

Crim: [Buddha Face] It's been bothering me for a while, but what is the value of these coins again?

Aqua: Ehm this are just two USD Eris, remember when you got like forty of those from the morning mugging?

Crim: USD Eris? What's that a dollar? What even is an Eris?

Aqua: Well you see, there was this time long ago when the currency was just regular Eris. But a king of yore that was driven insane by finance management said the currency had two zeros too much. So he decided to change it to a more, simpler currency from a neighbor country that had two less zeros to work with. The USD in its name stands for Universal Standard Dellar which is what the new currency they adopted was called like. The king was able to save a lot of headaches and manage his kingdom much easier. Only the puritans ever had an issue with his decision. He died saying. ''As a matter of fact you should thank me, but even if you don't your welcome plebeians.'' Though technically you could say those two coins do hold the same value as two regular dollars.

Crim: I see, and how much did we get paid again? I heard we got extra for exterminating nearly two dozen frogs and solving the problem of the frogs mating season. We were even paid for the meat the guild carted from the plains. But oh my ditzy me I can't seem to remember the number I overheard while I couldn't enter the guild, what was it again punish-able goddess?

Aqua: [Cutesy fidgeting] 1400 USD Eris…

Crim: EXACTLY! What did they sold you a barrel of Hennessey XO? How did you even spent a month finance of a college student in a single night?

Aqua: But, but I'm a goddess. I shouldn't have to work for this. Everyone should be spoiling me and offering me free food and drinks, this is just so unfair!

The high maintenance goddess covered her eyes in an attempt to mask her crocodile tears.

Crim: [Sights] You know what I don't give a crap anymore. I'll worry about the tomorrow when it comes. Let's go to sleep, I negotiated a stall in that stable thinking your party would last all night. Tomorrow we won't eat anything unless we work alright.

Aqua: Yay! Let bygones be gone and live life for the moment. Those are more or less the doctrines of the sect that worships me. You'll make an excellent Axis cultist Leech.

Crim: That sounds more like something Pitbull would say, but I am not letting it be gone. My doctrines just tell me the more I whine about it the longer it takes to get inside that stable.

Aqua: Oh so you're just tired. Me too, it's been a long day. I never thought I'd see the day when I would get eaten by f-f-f-frogs.

They made for the stable while Aqua tried to control the chills she was feeling over her body.

Crim: Oh man at last. I been waiting all day for the chance we could go to bed. I nearly lost control of myself several times and went in public. But now I'm glad I managed to keep it under control.

Aqua: You, you been implying some really dangerous things since this morning. Just what exactly do you think you're going to do with a holy goddess?

Crim: (Tale as old as time itself. The hungry wolf eats the retarded rabbit.) Here we are. [Opens stall]

Aqua: Ew it smells like horse shit in there. Aren't you ashamed to make a goddess sleep in a place like this?

Crim: Would you like to go over the topic of our finances?

Aqua: Nooo wait I'm sorry! A haystack wohoo I love it!

Crim: Oh you're not sleeping on the haystack. You are sleeping on this.

Chain begins to spill on the ground leaving loud clanking sounds. The chain spills until there's enough to make a stack as big as the haystack. The chain stack levitates and pushes the haystack to a corner of the stall, and it places itself on its place. The chain stack begins to adjust slowly until it looks like a painful bed of spikes with serrated chain pillows and a bed blanket of agony on top. Aqua goes from blue to white after seeing the scene and tears form in her eyes.

Aqua: H-hey you're joking right? You're not suggesting I lay down there right? I'm sorry; I profusely apologize for all the trouble I cause. Please spare me.

Crim: Ahahahaha I just wanted to see your reaction. Its set to pain of the light breeze remember? Look it even bounces. [Jumps on the bed of spikes]

After a couple light bounces, Crim lay on the bed looking comfortable and began stretching and yawning.

Crim: It feels like a cloud and it even fans you to keep you cool. It's honestly the best thing I ever seen since we came to this world.

Aqua: That's a joke right? If someone walked in on us we'd be teleported to the nearest asylum. This can't be real; something so painful can't be this—[Places hand on bed]

Aqua felt the cool, soft windy sensation she fell this morning when she hugged Crim arm. In the world she precedes this could only be described as the feeling of putting your hand out the window at forty miles per hour. It feels as if her hand is comfily resting on wind rather than steel and spikes.

Aqua: I think I'm in love with this chain.

Crim: I know right. Now get in here, I don't bite so there's no need to be shy.

Aqua: No thank you. If you were a virgin neet with no guts then I wouldn't mind sleeping next to you. But I seen your life flash before my eyes and your definitively not safe to sleep around. Make me a spare bed please.

Crim: (Oh my. The retarded rabbit can be sharp when she wants.) I am so sorry my goddess, but this actually takes I bit of effort to pull off. I don't think I could fall asleep if I had to support two beds like this. Now come, it feels divine when you pull the blanket on. [Slaps a side of the bed enthusiastically]

Aqua: Every ounce of my divine being is telling me to run and bring the hunter, but I guess you deserve a vote of confidence after saving me from the frogs today.

Aqua went outside the stall for a moment to put the blue pajama Luna had gifted her. She returned to the stall and noticed Crim wide awake as if he didn't even try to fall asleep while she went out to change.

Aqua: You're really giving me the creeps of a lifetime. Promise me first you won't try to pull anything. If your word is even worth something.

Crim: (My word is as cheap as chicken wings.) Aw common who do you even think I am? You think I had nine girls living with me and supporting me if I was the scum that would try something like that? I am a saint—

A loud ban on the stall wall was heard, an angry voice that shouted something like. ''Keep it quiet, you want me to beat you up!"

Aqua: Eek! I am sorry.

Said Aqua, Crim however got up the bed and silently walked to the stall next door. The chain connected to his arm spilling more and more as it trailed behind him with a metallic sound. Aqua could only hear voices coming over after she heard a door being jerked open. "What you wanna fight punk!? AHHH IT'S YOU!" And another more well know voice."Oh nerd how's it going? You got any lunch money since we last met this morning?" And the shriek of a little girl and the sound of a relentless blow barrage going as if someone was playing a drum. Crim returned shortly after looking a little guilty.

Crim: Hey so… I met the guy from this morning and took his new coin purse… But he had just one of those coins and I felt kinda guilty since I've heard it takes at least three to buy breakfast around here… So I gave him ours and… Could you please heal him for me? It was different than this morning, it fell like I was beating a defenseless kitten and… I felt sorry for him…

Aqua was a little shocked at the sudden revelation made be the man she deemed unrepentant. She went over and healed the man whose face looked like a purple snail shell, but the man seemed like he still would remain unconscious for the rest of the night. She came back to their stall afterwards and noticed Crim tucked inside the bed with an expectant gaze set on her. He was quick to recover from guilt. Aqua covered her breast with her hands and backed a little before she realized she had no other choice but to trust the man. She went to bed and tucked herself on the far corner of the bed. Away from the man who had picked the other side of the bed, a third person could fit in between the two with that space. Aqua turned as to give her back to the man who was facing her way all smiles. She began to close her eyes when she heard a low clanking metallic sound. She opened her eyes immediately and turned around to see the man. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, other than he had his eyes closed and a shameless grin he couldn't wipe of his face, but everything else looks strangely normal.

Aqua: (Must have been my imagination.)

Aqua turned away from the man and just after closing her eyes, she heard the low sound of chains clanking and felt a slight rustle under her. She opened her eyes again and turned to face the man. He had his eyes closed still but his shameless grin was shaking by the corner of his mouth as if he couldn't hold his laughter anymore. Aqua notices that strangely he was closer than before, even if he was still practically sleeping on the border of the bed as he was before. Aqua knew he would deny anything she accused him off and turned her back on him once again to sleep. The moment she closed her eyes she heard the clank metal sound once again.

Crim: (Prey acquired.)

Crim retracted enough of the bed chains to reduce it from queen size to single. He lustfully reached for Aqua breast as she was facing the other way. [Slap] A heavenly hand slapped his sinful hand. He tried to reach again and. [Slap] He was a little hurt; she was really strong for some reason. Aqua still made not a single movement and just remained facing the other way, he couldn't see the face she was making or if she even had her eyes open, all he could see was his effort being effortlessly slapped away. He reached for her butt this time. [Slap] He lost his cool right there.

Crim: Hey you're kidding right? You didn't seriously think I was going to let you off after all the shit you put me through? And you have the gall to resist?

Aqua offered no response and continued to pretend she was asleep while facing the other way.

Crim: You ungrateful little. I'll show you what happens when you mess with the Big Bad Wolf! [Jumps Aqua]

Aqua: [[GOD BLOW!]]

Crim: GUHURG! [Flies off the bed and slams on the wall, KO]

Aqua: Good night Leech [Rotates herself in the bed and comfortably falls asleep]