Forbidden

In the peace of the night, everything seemed amplified – the whooshing of the wind, the blue-red lights with the sirens turned off, the pain in his fist, freshly bandaged by the paramedic on the first week of his job.

Castle winced as the newbie paramedic stepped out, starting to unwrap the bandage that felt just a touch too tight on his sore abraded knuckles. The second loop of bandage unwrapping was interrupted as Beckett got on the bus and sat across him. Just like everything else, her presence too, was amplified.

"Hey there, Chuck Norris."

Castle chuckled softly, looking down so she would not have to bear the weight of his eyes just then. Especially as she gentle reached out and took over the job he managed to unravel.

"How's the hand?"

"Uh, excruciating," he said, wincing again.

Kate hummed as she deftly fixed the wrapping while somehow caressing the back of his hand, which ought to have been sore, but was only tingling with electricity at her touch. He didn't think she'd ever been so gentle with him before. Maybe close, but never this.

Castle couldn't help but look up then. In a bid to distract himself, he asked about Ryan and Esposito. Never to be disappointed, he was amused by her witty response. The forehead crinkling and coy smirk, that made him magically feel light too.

He drew his hand back with a smile, permitting himself to watch her like he was wont to do.

"Thank you. For having my back in there."

"Always," he said and meant with every fibre of his being.

They stared for about a minute, enjoying each other's company, before she started to rise. With his injured hand, he reached out to hers, gently stopping her.

"Kate," he started, before hesitating. She sat back down, puzzled.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," his words barely a whisper. Just as he started to explain, and just as he saw the mask come down over her face, a heart-wrenching mix of sad and beautiful, with watery eyes and a blush on her cheeks; they heard someone yelling her name.

She rose again, dislodging his hand, still so gentle, aware of his injury, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Kate…"

"It's okay, Castle." She stepped off the ambulance.

But it wasn't okay. Her voice broke, and so did his heart.

They didn't have another chance to talk the rest of the eventful night. He tried calling her, but she wouldn't take his calls. She still called him for their next case, the death of multimillionaire Jay Hixton. They both didn't talk about it, very loudly. Their banter was intact, but there was something broken, and he wanted to fix it, so very badly.

It wasn't as if he didn't try. He plucked up the courage at moments that weren't heavy, where things felt almost normal, but he'd always be interrupted. He tried when they were alone, but then he lost that plucked up courage.

But finally, finally when she was in a happy mood from driving his Ferrari. When he was utterly delighted that he could go undercover with her, an absolute dream making the top of his wish-list, the reality surpassing his imaginations. Then finally, he ceased his opportunity.

She danced her way into the nightclub, seeming none the homicide detective, and all alluring woman. Kate fit in, but still stood out. If he looked around, he thought that there would definitely be eyes on her, but he couldn't bear to look away. He was mesmerized, even more than usual, by the sway of her hips, the bounce of her curls, and the magnetism of her being calling out to his.

Keeping up her gentle swaying, she danced close to him, her hand coming around her shoulder. He felt like he was the star in a slow-motion movie clip and the reel was about to combust. Her face was enticingly close to his, her mouth at his ear speaking only to him.

"Get us some drinks and keep your eyes peeled for Oz, okay?" and just like that his bubble popped.

She turned to walk away from him, her hair brushing against his face, raising a lump in his throat. Before she could get far at all, he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him with enough force that he felt the puff of surprise on his neck.

"Castle…?" she growled.

"Strawberries," he said, his voice hoarse and cracking.

"What?"

"I thought you'd taste like cherries. But I was wrong. Your lips tasted like strawberries."

"What the hell?" she said, her words angry, but her expression fearful.

His glanced the back of his fingers over her cheek, following a trail to the back of her neck, gathering her hair gently.

"And your hair is so soft. I've always wondered, you know, but then I felt it and it was like a river of silk between my fingers."

"Have you completely lost your mind?"

"Probably. It's hard to keep my mind around you," he continued, now smiling as his thumb traced her bottom lip. "But I like trying to keep up with you."

"I don't know what's going on with you, but this is not the time," she tried to pull away then, but his hand that had somehow wound around her waist held firm, fingers digging into her side through the thin fabric of her dress.

"It's never the time," he said, smiling sadly. But he shook his head and brought his forehead to hers, knowing full well that she could have broken pretty much any part of his body, and chose not to. "So you see, Kate, I should never have kissed you," he repeated, tightening his grip as he felt her recoil, his lips moving to her ears. "But I did, and now that I know what you taste like, what you feel like, and what I feel when I kiss you, I never want to stop."

She sucked in a breath sharply, realizing that she had clutched his jacket, just as he was loosening his hold.

"I know you're with Josh, the good and handsome doctor off saving the world. I know you've got a suspect to catch. I know you have the weight of your grief in your windows and on your shoulders. But you've got me too. Even if it's never the time, Kate."

He eased her grip on his jacket while she stood shocked and risked placing a soft kiss to her palm before releasing her completely. "I'll get us those drinks," he said, turning to head to the bar. His head and heart felt simultaneously heavy for choosing this time of all times to be bold, and light for finally being honest to her and to himself.

After trying to shake himself of his moment of enlightenment – or idiocy – he still hadn't decided, he made a slow job of his walk back to her. Castle could see her flirting with the man, doing her job. He might have imagined their conversation just moments before, but every time her eyes caught his, he saw an infinitesimal pause in beat with the stutter of his heart.

As he reached her side, Castle saw Oz pull out drugs from his pocket, and Beckett didn't miss a bit in slamming him to the table. His badass Beckett was every bit the Nikki Heat he yearned to write. She reached out her hand to him, and he was torn between taking it and falling to his knees beside her, but he didn't think she would appreciate that much, so his Beckett-addled brain held out the drink he'd gotten her. "No, handcuffs," she said, rolling her eyes, the corners of her mouth betraying her amusement. Yeah, she knew.

"Right," he said, handing her the key, and sipping his drink to cool his parched throat.

After that it was all case for a while, only interspersed with occasional light conversation of figuring out what Kate would do if she won the lottery. He knew Kate didn't understand his obsession with knowing the answers to 'What would Kate do?' questions that he was usually brimming with, or that she attributed them to his prying for Nikki Heat. But it wasn't about the books anymore.

Later that night, when he was feeling antsy and energetic, with the feeling of leaving something incomplete and unfinished bothering him with every breath, he decided to rock up at her door, part courageous, part needy.

"Castle," she answered, her tone neutral but unsurprised to see him.

"I know what you would do if you won the lottery," he said, again losing the courage that he had somehow found in the club. He breezed past her, missing her reaction.

"By all means, please come in. So, what is your big insight into a financial decision that I will never have to make?"

"You would use the money to honor your mother's legacy. On the way over here, I called the dean of your mom's old law school. We talked about starting a scholarship in Johanna Beckett's name. One that would provide a full ride for a student planning on dedicating their career to those in the legal system without a voice. The kind of people your mom championed. And, with your blessing, I would like to host a fundraiser to fund it."

His monologue was followed by silence as she processed his words, and he processed her reaction.

"You just can't stay out of my personal life, can you?"

His smile faded at her serious expression, but he didn't even have a second to feel chastised, because in the next instance, she was in his personal space, gripping his collar and pulling herself up to his height. "I'm glad you kissed me, Castle, cause now I never want to stop," she said with a smile, before closing the remaining inch of space between them with what started out as the sweetest of kisses.

Their lips said with ease where words had struggled, pulling and pushing, sucking, tasting, loving. The sweetness morphed into a fire, unrepressed and wild, threatening to consume them as they stood in the middle of her apartment, until he suddenly stopped and pulled back with a pop. With a will he didn't even know he possessed, he tried to push a modicum of space between them.

"What about," he started, voice hoarse and broken. He cleared his throat and tried again. "What about – uh – Josh?" he asked with a wince.

"I broke up with him the day we saved Ryan and Esposito asses."

"The day we kissed."

"That too." She smiled coyly.

"While he's off saving the world? Ouch," he said, the delight in his voice and quivering smile not quite matching the underlying sympathetic words.

"Shut up," she said, smiling too as she smacked his shoulder playfully. "I felt awful about it, but I guess – I had to do it."

"Eh. It's alright. I got the girl," he preened, going in for another kiss.

She pulled back with a smile and an eye-roll. "Can we go back to the mature, sweet version of you again?"

"I don't know, moment's passed," he joked.

"Oh well, if the moment has passed," she pulled away from him, taking steps backwards as she teased him, "you'd better get going. It's late."

"What? No. Come back here," he whined, following her, his hands finding her hips and halting her escape. "Not late. No, we've ah – we still have to discuss the fundraiser."

"Oh, we do, do we?"

"Yup. We definitely have to invite the mayor," he said seriously, nodding his head.

"Mhmm," she brought her hands to the back of his neck.

"and – and all of his campaign contributors…" his eyes closed as her fingers slowly dragged patterns in his hair.

"Some of them can be boorish," he continued to babble. "They got his one guy…"

"Castle."

"Yes?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

AN: So remember how I've not posted for like.. 2 or 3 years and then suddenly this is the second story I've posted in two days because why the hell not? (Sorry if there are any typos or glaring errors - I just wrote it in one focussed session. If this is not your cup of tea, no worries. Otherwise, hope you enjoyed this.)