BORN INTO EMPTINESS

Hello all!

This story is going to be about a Harry who is forced to grow up independent and learns to think for himself early on. He's not going to be evil, but in conventional standards he's probably going to end up Dark. As he's still human, he's not going to be someone who's all-knowing and omniscient and knows exactly what to do and be the perfect hero. I wanted to capture the struggle of growing up without any loving or nurturing presence and having to figure out life yourself. This story is going to explore the nuances of how people form their morals and become the people that they are. Nobody here is going to be completely evil or completely good (I don't believe in such things). As for pairings, right now I'm pretty set on Harry/Voldemort, and I don't have plans to change that. I'm not sure how deep into their relationship I'll go, but right now I'm setting the rating as T.

For now, please read and enjoy!

Prologue

James Potter was not ready to be a father. His last prank had been one and a half days ago and he was sure Minerva was still pissed at him, he constantly forgot to eat meals because he was too busy flying around the Quidditch Pitch with Sirius, he had never attended a single Wizengamot meeting no matter the fact that they were mandatory, nor had he ever claimed his inheritance. Dear Merlin, he was definitely not ready to take care of another human being.

These were the thoughts running through his head as he sat in the hospital chair next to the gasping and sweating figure of his wife whose grip on his fingers was threatening to break every bone in his hand as her body once again convulsed from the waves of labour that had been passing through her for the last twenty-eight hours.

"Another push Mrs. Potter. You're almost there! I can see the head already," the nurse gently encouraged

"You're doing so good, I'm so proud of you my lilypad," James murmured softly as he brushed away the red strands of damp hair sticking to his wife's sweaty forehead.

He struggled to hide his own panic that had arisen at the daunting thought of his impending fatherhood and channeled all his energy into providing support to Lily.

This baby had been a surprise to both of them. They'd just gotten back from their honeymoon in France and had planned on fighting this war to the end before thinking of having children. But just days after they'd settled in Potter Manor, Lily had started showing symptoms of what they had thought was the flu.

Thinking nothing of it at first, she'd simply taken some Pepper-ups and stopped going on the raids. But weeks passed and Lily's condition wasn't getting better. Fearing the worst, they'd visited a Healer who told them the astonishing news: Lily was pregnant!

Although they were shocked, they had both vehemently protested when the Healer introduced the possibility that they get rid of the fetus. Even if they hadn't planned on it, they wanted this baby and James was elated to start a family with the woman he was in love with.

They'd gone home in a bubble of happiness which had only gotten stronger when they told their friends and James had seen the flabbergasted look on Sirius's face.

"You'll be the godfather Padfoot, right?" he'd asked, and after flapping his mouth uselessly like a fish out of water, which had been hilarious, Sirius had energetically nodded his head.

"Of course, Prongs! You better not have thought of anyone else for the job! Who better to help corrupt–ahem raise our little Prongslet than dear old Padfoot," he'd laughed.

Lily had been scandalized. "It's a serious responsibility," she protested.

"Ha! And who better for a serious job than me…Sirius!"

Lily had rolled her eyes, fondly shook her head, and conceded.

After that, nothing could ruin James's good mood. He was going to be a father! But as the due date drew closer and Lily's belly expanded, his confidence deflated.

Was he ready to be a father? He and Lily were both barely twenty, an age that was considered still very young since wizards and witches tended to live much longer lives. He remembered his Hogwarts years as if they were still yesterday, and now he was going to be an adult raising a child? James had suffered from numerous sleepless nights as these insecurities plagued his mind.

And that brought him to the present where he was just minutes, if not seconds from seeing his son for the first time. James took a deep breath, collected his feelings, and gripped his wife's hands, not even wincing when her nails broke through his skin and drew blood.

"AHHHH James it hurts," she cried, and her sob was interrupted by another convulsion which sent her shrieking once more.

Helpless, James turned to the nurse. "Can't you give her another pain relief potion?"

The nurse shook her head in regret. "We've already given her the max number of those. Any more and it might harm her and the baby. Besides we're almost done here. Just one more big push Mrs. Potter."

With his breath caught in his throat, James watched as the healer finally withdrew a bundle from underneath the blankets. A bundle of pink skin with speckles of black hair on top.

"Thirty-first of July 1980, 9:58 p.m." the nurse stated before writing down the time.

Cautiously, James took the bundle into his arms and stared disbelievingly into the small crying face of his son. Merlin! It was real!

"Everett Charlus Potter," he declared. "Welcome to the family." He could picture it: the three of them cuddling on the couch, the perfect family. No matter what, he was going to the best father possible. He'd swear off pranks forever and even apologize to bloody Snivellus if it meant his precious son would be happy and safe.

With tears of happiness in his eyes, James turned to Lily, prepared to share his joyful vision with his wife, only to see her face screwed up in agony.

Alarmed, James turned to the healer. "What's wrong?! Why is she still in pain?"

Bewildered, the healer waved her wand her wand over Lily's stomach. Frowning at the results, she did it again. Eyes widening again, she waved her wand again.

"What is it?" James demanded. If his wife was in danger, he wanted to know damnit, not stare at a speechless healer.

Tentatively, the healer placed her hand on Lily's stomach and closed her eyes. After a moment, she gasped.

"It's true! It can't be, but it's true!" she exclaimed.

"What's true?!" James practically snarled.

Gravely, the healer raised her head and met his eyes. She paused for a second before choosing her words carefully, "it seems, Mr. Potter, that you're going to have twins."

James choked on his next breath. "Twins? There must be a mistake! Nobody ever detected more than one baby during all our check-ups and there haven't been any twins recorded in the Potter family history ever."

The healer shook her head. "It's true, Mr. Potter."

"Impossible! Check again." James snapped, his mind racing too fast to care about being polite.

"I've checked four times and there is a strong magical presence in Mrs. Potter's womb."

"Then how was this missed during the past nine months!?" James demanded. Twins? He wasn't bloody prepared for one child much less two!

At this moment, their conversation was interrupted by a blood-curdling scream from Lily. Both James and the healer immediately rushed to her side. James took care not to squish Everett against his chest even in his panic.

With horror, James noted the growing stain of red spreading from between Lily's legs. She was shaking like a person under Crucio and with another wailing scream, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fell silent.

James couldn't hear over the blood pounding in his ears. His whole body was tensed with worry. "What happened to her?!" he demanded. "Lily, Lily, wake up!" He clung to the blankets she was tucked in.

She was so pale, almost as if she was–no, he wouldn't think those thoughts.

The healer was waving her wand in a complicated series of flicks, but nothing seemed to be happening. Suddenly the door burst open, and a group of people in green Healer robes walked in.

"Healer Adams, you rang for us?" said the man in front.

"Yes, Healer White, Mrs. Potter has already birthed a child, but there seems to be another one inside her that previously remained completely undetected during her check-ups. I know because I was present for all of them, and the tests only ever showed one child.

What's more is that her systems are failing fast and she's losing too much blood too fast. This is unprecedented for any birth in the history of medicine. We've never had a birthing mother suffer from something like this before." Adams rushed through her explanation in a panicked tone.

Hearing her words, James felt the ground drop from below his feet and a lump the size of Britain lodged in his throat. He couldn't speak. Lily had to be okay. They'd faced down Voldemort three times already! Pregnancy wasn't going to be the end of her. He prayed to Merlin that it wouldn't be.

While Adams was talking, Healer White was running his own tests over Lily's body. He seemed to come to the same conclusion as Adams and narrowed his eyes.

For a moment he stared at the conjured chart in confusion. "It seems…the unborn child is taking magic from the mother. Their magic signatures are much too intertwined to be normal. He's probably been doing it for a long time now, and this is probably how he remained hidden from detection until the other child was out of the way.

James became alarmed and interrupted, "well they're both going to be okay right? You can get him out and he'll stop leeching her magic and they'll both be safe. Right?"

Healer White sighed. "It's not that simple. We can try to separate them, but the baby has such a tight hold on the mother's magic now that there is a chance her magic core would be destroyed if the baby is removed."

James gasped. "But…she's a witch. The destruction of her magic core would mean…"

"The destruction of her soul, yes," the healer regarded him sympathetically.

"How big is this chance?" James asked desperately.

The healer winced. "It's impossible to say for sure, but greater than 98%. The odds…are not good."

"No," James shouted. "Isn't there another way? Anything to keep her alive! Please, she's my wife," he finished with a choked out half-sob.

Lily's screaming had stopped at this point but only because she had fallen unconscious, whether from the pain or the blood loss, James didn't know. Maybe even the magic loss, he thought bitterly. That fucking parasite was taking his Lily from him!

"Well…we could terminate the life of the unborn child, but that is heavily not rec–"

"Will it save her?" James demanded harshly.

The healer sighed. "Yes, but please understand. This baby is already developed fully. To terminate his life would be to kill an innocent defenseless baby."

"I don't care," James declared darkly, "Lily has to live. Do it." He clenched his hands.

He knew this was a monstrous action, and Lily would probably hate him if she knew what he was doing and saying, but he was not prepared to let her die so some baby that they never even planned for or wanted could take her magic and live. Call him selfish but he'd choose the woman he loved over some magic-eating baby any day.

Healer White scrutinized his face before drooping his shoulders. "Very well, as you wish."

In trepidation, James watched as the man drew his wand across Lily's bulging stomach in a clean horizontal cut.

At the first touch of the wand however, Lily opened her eyes with a gasp. "What's happening? What are you doing?"

The healer paused in his work. "Your unborn child is currently placing your life and magic in danger. Your husband has chosen to terminate his life."

Lily, though exhausted and disoriented, snapped her neck to face James. "What?! You're trying to kill my child?" she shrieked.

James rushed forward and showed her the baby in his arms. "Look Lily, Everett Potter is alive and healthy, and he needs you. That other baby is leeching your magic like a parasite and it's going to kill you unless we remove its life first."

Lily stared back unnervingly. "Do we really have a second baby? And he's a boy?" she asked with wonder in her face.

"Yes, but it's unnatural," James pressed on.

"Don't you dare James Potter," Lily said with a hiss. "Don't you dare say that baby is unnatural. I–"

She was interrupted by a muffled scream. Her face contorted in pain and she squeezed her eyes shut, but when she opened them again, she continued, "We're keeping that baby even if it means I die. That child is ours, James, ours."

Here, she started crying, "I don't care if he was unplanned, but Everett is going to have a brother and I will make sure of it."

"Lily, please be reasonable. The odds are stacked high against you. You'll almost definitely die, in fact you're probably dying right now! Why would you sacrifice your life for some parasite?"

Green eyes flashed in anger at him. "He's not–"

"It is." James asserted firmly. "It's a parasite. It's leeching off of you and destroying your magical core. He was never planned. Why can't you just let him go," he begged. "We got on well the past nine months without him, and we can go on and have a perfect family without him. Just you, me, and Everett. Come on Lily, your son needs you," he gestured at the crying baby in his arms, pressing a kiss to his head.

Lily's eyes softened when her gaze landed on the baby. "Everett, my son," she whispered lovingly. But her fierceness returned and she turned to the group of healers.

"Make sure the baby comes out alive and healthy, no matter what you do."

Healer White nodded, no emotion betraying his neutral mask. He gestured to the rest of his team and they gathered around the bed.

"No please," James begged, "I'm the husband! I should have some say in this, please!"

One of the healers turned to Healer White. "He has a point. The mother has been drugged on potions and we don't know if she's in her right mind."

Hearing this, Lily's eyes widened. She could barely lift her head or arm from the bed, but her words came out clearly.

"No, you can't consider this. On my life, this child must stay alive." Her voice was weak, but her stare seemed to grow stronger until her eyes began to glow a bright green, and a golden hue seemed to surround her body, though that may have just been her sweat.

"I swear on my life to always protect this baby for as long as my magic runs through his body. I will fight to keep him safe from any harm, even if it's from my own husband."

With her ending words, the glow died down. Lily turned her poisonous scowl at James and held his desperate gaze for a second before her face softened and she fell back to her bed, unconscious once more.

"Lily!" James shouted. "No, no no no no! Come back!" He turned to the healers. "She's still alive. It's not too late to make the save! Please, for my sake and Everett's! She's not in her right mind!" he sobbed.

Healer White looked at him with a glimmer of pity. "We can't go against a dying mother's wish like that. It's been backed by her life and magic. I'm sorry, Mr. Potter."

"No, no," was all James could muster as he clutched Everett in his arms and looked numbly as they carefully extracted the other baby, the shakes in Lily's unconscious body increasing the entire time.

The extraction took a long time and the healers had forced him to stand on the other side of the room. Lily woke up occasionally to whisper something to the healers, but she was never strong enough to stay awake. Over time, she seemed to get weaker and paler.

A wretched sob tore unwillingly from his throat, and he turned away, unable to watch as his beautiful wife took her last breaths.

He buried his face in Everett's bundle of blankets and breathed in the scent of his newborn son. Yes, his son, and he would've been his only son if James got his way.

All of a sudden, James was consumed by a burning resentment against that other unborn child. The parasite that was killing his wife. No, it was more than just resentment. He hated that thing!

His thoughts were broken by a cry. James turned, his face twisted in a dark scowl. The nurse was holding a bundle, identical to the one he was holding.

Here we are, "Harry James Potter, born 11:59 p.m. on the 31st of July, 1980," she stated.

Rage rushed through his veins when he heard that name. "He will not be named after me!"

The baby let out a cry at the sound of James's voice, and the window nearest to James shattered. Shocked by the noise, James turned to the window to affirm that yes, the glass was lying in pieces.

Trying to hide how unsettled he was by the act of accidental magic so soon after birth–the earliest record of accidental magic was six months old, not…six seconds after birth, dear Merlin.

The baby was strong–no, not strong. The baby was a freak and it was probably Lily's excess magic that it had stolen which had caused that.

The nurse blinked at the act, seeming stunned with wonder before gathering herself up and turning to him. "It was…it was your wife's last request," she whispered softly and nervously, frightened by his expression.

James growled. Not only did that thing steal his wife's life, but now it was taking his name too? Fine, there was no changing it, and it was Lily's last words after all. He growled again.

"I'm taking Everett home now, and I'll pick that up later," James said, inflicting as much disgust in his voice when he spoke of that baby.

As he turned to apparate, he couldn't help but linger his eyes on the flowing red hair spilled out on the pillow. He'd never run his fingers through that hair again after a long session of coupling. He'd never see it billowing in the wind as if it had a life of its own. Because it was lifeless now.

He whimpered. His Lilypad was gone. And it was all that stupid parasite's fault.

As he apparated and saw the colors blur across his eyes, he vowed that he would never forgive Harry James Potter for taking his precious Lily away.

It was hours later that Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew crashed through the door.

"James isn't here yet? Hey boys, we beat him!" Sirius whooped in joy, turning to Remus and raising his hand for a high five.

"Umm Padfoot, I think you should take another look here," Remus murmured in shock as his eyes took in first, the somber expressions of the Healer standing in the corner, the blood still dripping from the blankets onto the floor, and lastly, the still figure of Lily Potter.

Her eyes still held a remanence of the fight she'd died waging, but as a death slowly embraced her, the light died from her eyes and her face lost its color. Her rosy red lips, raw from biting down her screams just hours before, now looked unnatural against the creeping paleness of her skin. She looked like the angel of death, peacefully lying there, white skin and white gown contrasting the stark red that surrounded her.

"Lily?" Sirius took a half-aborted step towards the body on the table. "I…what happened here," he breathed out.

Healer Adams who had remained behind had risen from her chair when the group arrived and now cautiously approached.

"Mr. Black, I'm Healer Adams. I'm sorry to inform you but there was a complication in delivering the second child. Mrs. Potter was–"

"Second child?" Sirius interrupted in an incredulous tone. "What second child? Lily and James were only expecting one baby." All three men now adopted identical looks of confusion.

"A strange phenomenon occurred, something none of us in the history of medicine have ever seen before," the healer started, taking a deep breath before continuing, "it seems that Harry's magic signature was obscured by Mrs. Potter's and that's why our tests never showed him."

Remus, ever the scholar, took a deep interest in this. "What do you mean obscured? Is he a squib? And why didn't any of the physical imaging tests show him? Those don't rely on magical signature."

"Screw magical signatures! None of this explains why Lily is lying there dead! And where the hell is James for that matter?" Sirius burst out, close to hyperventilation.

Remus seemed to suddenly remember the dead body in the room and looked mortified, shrinking back behind Sirius.

Healer Adams shook her head sadly and looked down. "Their cores–Harry's and Mrs. Potter's–were too intertwined that we had to kill one of them in order for the other to survive. Mrs. Potter chose to sacrifice her life so Harry could live."

There was a moment of silence as the three men took in her words.

"I–I've never heard of a baby doing that. Why did this happen?" Remus questioned softly.

The healer hesitated before speaking, "we're still investigating what could've caused this, but all we know is that Harry seemed to be leeching magic directly from his mother's core for the entire duration of her pregnancy. Nine months of that kind of connection is a very long time, so long that their magical signatures and cores had started to meld together. To separate them would've been synonymous to ripping one core in half."

Remus's eyes widened in understanding. "So by killing her–" Sirius whimpered at those words, "–she relinquished her hold on that core and all of it went to Harry."

"But…that means that Harry has two magical cores inside him?" Peter spoke up for the first time.

Healer Adams shook her head. "It's more like his core engulfed hers and converted all of the power and magic of hers into his own. His magical signature is purely his own now."

"Merlin," Sirius breathed out, "I've never heard of that happening. Where is everyone now?"

"Our healers took Harry to another room, and they're investigating his magic right now."

"What about James…and the first child?"

"Mr. Potter took his son home. He said…he said that he would come back later to pick up Harry."

"What?!" Sirius shouted in bewilderment. "You mean he just abandoned his son here? How long has it been?"

"Mr. Potter left at approximately 1:30 a.m. this morning."

"It's bloody 4 a.m.! You're saying he hasn't been back once to check up on his son?!"

The healer shook her head no. "I'd suggest you speak to him if you want to find out more. I am not at liberty to share any…personal information." She grimaced, obviously thinking of something particularly unpleasant.

"Should we go to Potter Manor then Sirius?" Peter asked tentatively.

"No. I want to see Harry first." Sirius put his foot down. "I want to see my godson and make sure no one's doing anything nasty to him."

He started out the door but turned at the last minute with narrowed eyes. "He is my godson, right? Do you have his papers?"

Healer Adams hurried over to the table on the other side of the room. "Yes, the only thing filled out so far is his name, at Mrs. Potter's request. Mr. Potter didn't have enough time to fill it out before he left."

And unless Sirius was imagining things, the healer seemed to end her sentence with a snide tone. He shook his head in frustration. Obviously, something was wrong. James would never leave his son alone right after delivery, especially not if Lily died.

Sirius winced again. Lily was dead. His hearts squeezed painfully at the loss of one of his closest friends and confidantes, but he held his tears back until he was safe at home with a bottle of Ogden's best.

Out of all the ways that the fiery redhead would go out, he never expected childbirth to one of them. Infant mortality was close to zero in the Wizarding World, and there were rarely any complications when giving birth due to magic smoothing the way. He still couldn't wrap his mind around what had happened.

What had caused James to leave his son here? After losing their mother, he would've thought that James would cling to his two sons, never letting them go. Leaving Harry here, even if it was for tests, was very out of character for James.

Sirius stiffened. Was James in danger? Did he get attacked from the time he went home to the time he was coming back to pick up Harry? Merlin, if he was attacked then what would've happened to the other child? Panicked, all Sirius could think was that his best friend and new godson were in danger. He couldn't lose any more people today.

Thinking quickly, he turned to Peter and Remus. "You guys should go check on James. Make sure he's okay and not in any danger. I'll join you after picking up Harry."

Peter immediately nodded, but Remus looked at him in worry. "Are you sure Padfoot? I don't think any of should be alone right now. Let me stay with you. Peter can go tend to James, right Peter?"

Peter paused for a second before smiling at the werewolf. "Of course, Moony. I'll see you both at Potter Manor." And with a crack, he apparated from the hospital.

Sirius attempted to form a smile but judging from how the worry on Remus's face deepened, he probably only managed a grimace. "You didn't have to stay."

Remus reached forward and grasped his arm. Looking intently into his eyes, he simply stated, "I did."

And with that, the two friends followed Healer Adams down the corridor.

Pushing open the door that the healer had stopped at, Sirius was greeted by the sight of four people in green Healer robes standing in a brightly lit room surrounding a table which held–

Sirius's breath caught in his throat. A tiny baby was lain on its back and his arms were wiggling, attempting to snatch the occasional flashes of light being cast his way by the Healers.

It was his godson. Tears came back to eyes at the thought, happy tears this time. Merlin he was a godfather! A godfather to two beautiful boys if James had upheld their agreement.

The baby on the table giggled as a yellow light struck him and blinked opened his eyes.

"Merlin's balls, he's already opening his eyes and making sounds!" Sirius exclaimed.

Healer Adams chuckled. "You don't know half of it. He performed his first act of accidental magic mere seconds after we delivered him."

Sirius and Remus looked at the pretty brunette healer in astonishment.

"Mere seconds?" Remus choked out. "That-that beats every single record ever recorded in all history!" he gasped.

She nodded. "That's why we're testing him at the moment. We want to make sure there's no anomalies in his magic. Infants shouldn't be that powerful, but for some reason little Harry keeps surprising us."

"Harry," Sirius said, testing out the name of his godson on his tongue. "What's his full name?"

"Here," the healer said handing him a piece of paper. "These are his incomplete forms. You might as well fill them out, considering his father," she finished in a dark tone.

Sirius looked at her in confusion at her tone before focusing on his papers. Another smite against James, he logged in his mind. He'd think about that later.

Harry James Potter, read the form. Mother: Lily Rose Potter. Father: James Charlus Potter.

Sirius filled out his name as the godfather, and after a moment's deliberation, gave Harry the title of his heir. He had yet to pick up the mantle of Lord Black even though Arcturus had died almost a year ago, and he didn't think he'd ever have any children of his own. Plus, as the second son, Harry wasn't going to get the Potter title, but something in Sirius knew that there was something special about this child.

Sirius grinned, satisfied. Harry was going to be his heir, and he'd love him as much as he would his own child.

"There," he said, handing the finished form to the healer with a flourish.

She accepted it and raised an eyebrow when she saw the heir section but then smiled at him, seeming pleased with his decision.

He offered back a roughish grin, which he'd deny having practiced in front of a mirror when he was fifteen to the end of his days. She was rather a pretty thing, he thought, eyeing the way her healer robes clung to her curves. Healer robes were generally very unflattering, but she somehow looked attractive despite their bagginess. And she seemed like an agreeable witch too. Maybe after this, he'd come back and take her out on a date.

"Well everything looks good," said one of the healers at the table.

Sirius snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the man who spoke. "Harry's okay?"

The man smiled at him, wider than just a polite smile. Hmm, all these people seemed to like Harry more than normal. Not that Sirius was complaining, of course. His godson was going to be a charmer and he couldn't be more proud, but it was still atypical.

"Yes, Harry's healthy as a newborn can be and he shows signs of becoming a very powerful wizard. His core is stable and he had no adverse effects to any of the spells we cast."

Sirius beamed. His godson was going to be a powerful wizard!

Remus spoke up beside him. "Then it's okay to take him home?"

"Yes, of course! Is his father not coming to pick him up?"

Healer Adams muttered something under her breath before saying out loud, "Mr. Potter has not made any contact," she snapped out, "but these gentlemen are very close friends, and this is Mr. Black, Harry's godfather."

The man's face seemed to close off at the mention of James but then brightened in interest at the information that Sirius was Harry's godfather. He peered intensely at his face, and Sirius seemed to get to notion that he was judging him for something.

The moment passed however, and the man's features softened towards them. He picked up Harry and walked towards them. "Then he's all yours."

Sirius carefully accepted his godson into his arms, terrified that he was going to drop him, and stared at the baby in wonder. Brilliant green eyes stared back at him framed with long black eyelashes.

He was a beautiful baby, the most beautiful baby in the world if Sirius had a vote, and he had Lily's eyes!

Sirius smiled at the thought that some part of Lily would live on always inside of Harry while simultaneously squishing down the pang that resonated in his chest at the reminder of his lost friend.

"Welcome to the family, Harry James Potter. You're going to have the best life ever," he smiled down at the baby, clueless to the fact that no falser words had ever left his mouth.

Author's Note

I don't really like the stories where Lily and James just completely abandon and turn against Harry is other twin stories. It just seemed way too out of character, so I hope that this version will offer a better foundation for the character's actions and offer clearer motivations behind their treatment of Harry. Questions? Criticisms? Comments? Review!

Anyways, hit "follow" and tune in to see what happens next when Voldemort attacks!

-Jadeite