Day Four

Edwin woke up with a wide smile on his face, remembering the events of the previous night. "Good morning, Mr Bobo," he told his stuffed bear. "You should have seen that vampire lady last night…I've never seen a real vampire before, and she's really my Great Great Grandmother, isn't that the best thing you ever heard? She just leapt on that Bad Lady and bit her neck, and there was this really cool slurping sound…do you think it would be fun to be undead? It seems like fun."

The toy wrinkled its furry nose. Presumably it didn't agree with this sentiment.

"Oh, come on! I mean, I wouldn't want to be an ugly zombie or a stupid ghoul or something, but vampires are different. Or maybe a lich. A really dangerous one with evil glowing eyes. Glowing eyes are awesome." The small boy stood up in the middle of his bed, hunched up his shoulders and tried to make his nightshirt resemble an extravagant and presumably rotting mage robe. Stretching out his arms before him and curling his fingers up to resemble claws he twisted his face into what was meant to resemble the stiff grin of a fleshless skull. It made him look like he was having a bad case of constipation. "Thisssss place shall be your toooomb!" he hissed in as grating and evil a voice as he could manage. "All those who enter the abo…abbu…adobe….home of Evil Archlich Edwin Odesseiron will suffer eternal torment and agonizing pain!" Then his face suddenly fell. "Oh. That reminds me. If I don't clean my desk Teacher Dekaras is going to be really put out with me."

The bear gave him a questioning look.

"You're right, Mr Bobo," Edwin said, his voice determined. "Saving him from the last two Bad Ladies is far more important. I'll just have to deal with it somehow." He giggled. "You should have seen that picture I drew and stuck under the door of the one with the purple dress. When she sees that she'll be so scared she'll run screaming back home and never come back. Well, I guess I'd better go. I need to do some more Un-Matchmaking."

Having once more received some information from his mother, Edwin learned that Laeyne Ravonar was next in line, and that she had requested for her rendezvous to take place in the Trophy Room. This just so happened to be one of the boy's favorite places within the Mansion. Exotic hunting trophies of every kind lined the walls, from a tiny vorpal bunny to an enormous dire bear, a family of trolls, an umber hulk and many, many more. His very favorite was the large tiger, a beautiful beast with soft fur as bright as fire, and he had spent many an enjoyable hour riding on the animal's broad back, pretending to be an explorer. It wasn't just any old tiger either, it was a Dire Tiger and much larger and more impressive than the normal variety. Climbing on top of its back required using a badger and a wild boar as a sort of ladder.

When he entered the room, there was a fire burning in the fireplace, but apart from that everything was quiet and still. "Hm," Edwin said. "Looks like I'm early. But that's all right. I'm patient. Very, very patient, just like a Great Wizard should be." He sat down between the tiger's enormous front paws, determined to carry out a silent vigil. Two minutes later he was already bored out of his skull. "I wish they'd show up soon," Edwin told the tiger. "How am I supposed to display my awesome powers of Un-Matchmaking if they won't show up? That just won't do, you know. What do you think I should do this time, kitty? Maybe I could use a spell to make the Bad Lady…er…fall in love with a donkey or something. Except I don't know any love spells, but it can't be that difficult. Or maybe I could sick Mr Bobo on her. He only bites if he thinks I'm in danger, but maybe if I put bugs in her food, and nettles in her bed, and snakes in her shoes, then maybe I would be in danger."

"Or maybe," said a cool voice directly behind his back, "you are in danger already. In danger of making me seriously annoyed, that is."

"Eeeep!" Edwin squealed, leaping to his feet so quickly that he banged his head on the tiger's jaws. In danger or not, he was definitely in trouble. Dekaras was leaning against the tiger's back, and the look in his eyes reminded Edwin uncomfortably of that great predator.

"I seem to remember telling you," the assassin noted in a conversational voice, "on more than one occasion, that there is no need for you to interfere with this Matchmaking thing. It worries me that your powers of recollection seem to have slackened so. Perhaps you need a daily dose of fish oil, I'm told that does wonders for your memory. Pity about the taste though, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make."

"I was only…"

"You were only getting under my feet again, despite my telling you not to. This is complicated enough already, I don't need you making it more so." Dekaras gave Edwin a considering look, and then he smiled slightly. "On the other hand, it may be better if I know exactly where you are at all times. That should minimize your opportunities for getting in the way, and you may even learn something."

The boy's eyes lit up eagerly. "Can I stay then? Can I? Please?"

"Yes," his teacher said. "But no interference, is that clear?"

Edwin nodded.

"Very well. Now let me think of a suitable hiding place for you. Yes. This should do nicely." The assassin picked Edwin up, and carefully placed him on the back of a large gorilla standing in a dark corner. "Just keep your head down and be absolutely still," he instructed. "That should let you watch without being noticed. No noises, no movements. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Edwin said. "I can do this, you'll see!"

There was an oddly pleased look in the assassin's black eyes as he nodded in return, an expression of something that might have been pride. "Yes," he said. "I know you can."

A few minutes later Laeyne Ravonar strode into the room, a dark scowl on her face. Once again she wore that bright red scarf about her hair, but she had replaced the glaringly purple dress with an equally glaring purple set of jacket and trousers, a loose white shirt and a pair of tall boots. "You!" she began without further preamble. "Aren't you supposed to be somehow responsible for the behavior of that little menace of a child?"

"To the extent that anybody can be, yes," Dekaras said without changing his expression. "What has he done now?"

"Take a look for yourself! And then try telling me that little fiend isn't some sort of evil mastermind in the making." The girl waved a somewhat wrinkled piece of paper beneath Dekaras' nose, and the assassin accepted it, unrolling it with an interested look on his face.

Whoops… Edwin thought. Suddenly his cunning plan didn't seem quite as cunning as it had previously done. Suppose he gets upset? Maybe I should try to explain? But he did say to stay quiet, and if I don't…

"I…see," Dekaras said. His voice remained neutral, but there was a small twitch at the corner of his mouth that hinted that he was by far more amused than he was letting on. "Yes, he always has been fond of drawing. I think the gallows in particular looked very realistic, though the…victim…perhaps looks a little more cheerful than might be expected under the circumstances. And he forgot to draw you a nose, but that's a fairly minor detail."

"IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!"

"Well, the purple is a very close match. And that vulture he's drawn on top of the gallows really adds a certain something. And the writing is certainly to the point. 'Go home Bad Lady or Face My Wraith.' I think that should be 'wrath'. At least I hope so, or else somebody has been bringing undead into the house without permission. And it is signed 'A Friend.' Hm. It's a bit rough around the edges, but I'd say it's pretty straightforward."

"Do you like it?" Edwin excitedly said, popping up behind the head of the gorilla. "Do you really like it? It's good, isn't it? Do you think I can really be an evil mastermind when I grow up? I'd like that, it sounds like fun." Then he halted as he noticed Laeyne Ravonar's look of fixed fury as she stared straight at him. "Oh. Er. I was supposed to stay quiet, wasn't I?"

"Yes," Dekaras said in a toneless, rather weary voice. "Yes, you were. And yes, it was a good blackmail letter, but I suggest you leave that sort of thing to adults for now. Also, if you really want to be any sort of mastermind, I suggest you try developing an attention span slightly longer than that of a gnat." The assassin turned to the still fuming Laeyne. "Is there really a point to all of this nonsense? You made it clear at our first meeting that you have no wish to get married to me, an unusual opinion that I find incredibly refreshing. And since I don't want to marry you either, why not just leave it at that and we can both go our separate ways?"

"It's not that simple," Laeyne said, tugging a strand of auburn hair back behind her ear. "My Uncle Rory is quite ruthless, as I'm sure you know. If he thinks I'm not playing for keeps, then he'll most likely…" She made a cutting motion across her throat. "I'll explain, but I can't do it in here. Somebody might overhear us. Can we go outside for a bit?"

Dekaras was just about to answer when the door banged open and Galen Odesseiron bounded into the room. "Hello, hello, hello, hello!" he chirped. "Isn't it a wonderful day today? Of course any day is wonderful when I get the chance to bring two loving young hearts together."

Edwin couldn't help but notice that neither of the 'loving young hearts' seemed particularly pleased. His teacher was leaning with his elbow on the stuffed tiger, looking down his long nose at the wizard with an extremely haughty expression, and as for Laeyne, she was grinding her teeth quite audibly. "Oh…just…just go kiss a walrus or something!" she growled. "We were in the middle of a conversation here!"

"Ahahaha!" Galen brayed, wagging his finger at her. "Getting ahead of the game, aren't you? Very frisky, but these things need to be organized properly."

"What exactly," Dekaras said in flat voice, "needs to be 'organized'? Master."

"Why, the 'getting-to-know-you-better-game' of course!" He gave the assassin a conspiratorial wink. "It's a kissing-game. Helps get people into the proper mood, so it says in the book." He waved the Matchmaking book about in the air.

"Kissing-game?!" Edwin shrieked from his perch on the gorilla's shoulders. "No! That's….that's GROSS! You can't make him do that!"

"Thank you so much," Laeyne murmured, giving the boy an acidic look across her shoulder.

As for Dekaras, he seemed about as enthusiastic about kissing-games as Edwin did, though he did a slightly better job of hiding his feelings. "No," he said, making a cutting motion with his hand. "Under no circumstances will I participate in any 'kissing-games'."

"Aw, come on!" Galen said, tugging encouragingly on the assassin's arm in an effort to pull him into bodily contact with the sulky-looking Laeyne. "What chap wouldn't leap at the chance to exchange hot kisses with such a lovely lady? Be a good sport now." He paused. "Er…unless there's somebody else you fancy? You can tell me in that case, setting up the wedding would be lots of fun even if I didn't get to make the actual match…is there somebody else?"

For once Edwin was faced with the unsettling experience of seeing his teacher look utterly trapped. "No," he eventually said, staring fixedly at a point right above Laeyne's right ear. "Not to mention, no."

"That's all right then! Right, here's the game! One of you asks the other a question, something personal and of interest, and if that person won't answer the first person gets to kiss them. And that's only the first round…"

"Oh, by every prattling pirate parrot ever hatched!" Laeyne said, stomping her foot. "We can manage this without refereeing I think. As long as you leave us alone afterwards." She took a few purposeful steps forward, and as Edwin watched with utter horror and revulsion she entwined her arms around Dekaras' waist. "Just play along," she hissed. "It's the only way he'll go away. Besides, I'll get in bad trouble if my Uncle thinks I'm not making an effort." Then she kissed the assassin full on the lips, and he was clearly too surprised to make an immediate protest.

The door banged open. "There you all are!" Elvira Odesseiron said as she stepped inside the room, her red robes flaring dramatically behind her. "I thought I would…" Then she trailed off as she spotted the scene in front of her. Edwin hunched down behind the gorilla's shoulders as he noticed his mother's fists clenching and red spots appearing on her cheeks, both of them signs of imminent danger. She was starting to tremble, a vibration that gradually increased, creating an impression of a volcano about to erupt, and her black hair lashed like angry snakes about her face. As for her face, it had transformed into a mask of utter rage. "What," she said, her teeth bared in a snarl, "is the meaning of this?" She had raised her right hand now, and mystical energy was crackling from it, angry red sparks leaping off her fingers. At any moment things were likely to start exploding.

"Get out!" Dekaras snapped, his face very pale as he forcibly pushed Galen and Laeyne out the door, almost hurling Edwin after them. "And keep your heads down, whatever you do!" With that he hastily pulled the door shut, and Edwin just heard the bolt slide shut before the walls shook with a mighty tremor. It was followed by another one, and what sounded like crockery being disintegrated. He could hear his mother's voice shrieking what were probably curses, but she was too inarticulate for him to make out any actual words. Smoke was pouring out beneath the door by now, and once again an explosion shook the walls and made plaster rain down from the ceiling like a snow storm.

Edwin pounded desperately on the door, his heart in his mouth. Got to get in! Got to get in now! Then Laeyne was pulling him away by the collar, ignoring the fact that he was kicking and screaming in protest. His father had already taken off somewhere, presumably frightened out of his wits.

"Cut it out, kid!" Laeyne said. "You don't want to go too close, you could get hurt."

"Leave me alone! I need to help!"

"No you don't! It's too dangerous, anything could happen."

Just then the door blew apart, disintegrating into a thick cloud of sawdust. "See?" Laeyne said. "That could have been you."

Edwin ignored her, twisting free of her grasp and running for the door. Then he stopped on the threshold and simply stared at the scene of utter devastation inside. The larger trophies had been scattered about the room by the terrible force of his mother's rage, the Umberhulk was missing its head, the giant Troll was a smoking ruin, the cabinet with all the stuffed pixies in glass cases had been reduced to splinters, there were large scorch marks on the carpet and the smoke hung heavy and black in the air. Fortunately the stuffed tiger seemed to be whole, even if it had a terrified expression on its face. Elvira Odesseiron stood in the middle of the room, her eyes glowing bright red with an Infravision spell. Her beautiful face was still twisted into a snarl, and she was tapping her foot against the floor, but the worst of her fury seemed to have passed. "Tripping me up like that was completely unnecessary," she said.

"On the contrary," said Dekaras' voice from somewhere within the dense smoke. "It was utterly necessary if I didn't want to get burnt to a crisp. I'm sure you would have been very sorry about it afterwards, and I'd hate for that to happen."

"Hmpf. What about twisting my arm? It still hurts."

"Yes, well, at the moment you were threatening to send a Skull Trap up my nose, if I recall correctly. Somehow I suspect that would hurt even more."

"Ha! You know perfectly well that I would have missed. You're far too good at dodging."

"Perhaps," the assassin said as he appeared from within the drifting smoke. His clothes seemed a little torn here and there and his face was black with soot, but otherwise he appeared unharmed. "But I'd rather not take my chances." He spotted Edwin peering around the doorframe and immediately his voice altered subtly, becoming more formal. "And I am certain young Edwin feels the same, Mistress, seeing that he has come to make certain we are both still alive."

"Edwin!" Elvira explained, and her face relaxed visibly as she smiled at her son, though the glowing red eyes still were a bit disconcerting. "There you are, darling!"

"Mother?" the boy asked worriedly. "You aren't going to kill each other, are you? You're still friends, aren't you?"

"Of course, sweetie! Very good friends." She gave the assassin a pointed look, which he met with a studied expression of polite indifference. "Your teacher and I simply need to discuss a thing or two, that is all. Why don't you go play in the meantime?"

"If you would be so good as to accompany Lady Ravonar into the gardens," Dekaras said. "I will join you shortly."

"Yes," Elvira said, her smile looking very frozen in place. "We still need to discuss that, don't we? Run along now, Edwin dear!"

Once Edwin had gone on his way Elvira hastily raised a Ward of Silence where the door had been, as well as an obscuring illusion to ensure complete privacy. Her eyes were still flashing dangerously as she turned around, Dekaras noticed. "What was that you said about joining that little tramp?" she asked.

"We need to keep up appearances," the assassin said. "I'm not doing it for my personal pleasure, you know." He gave the wizardess an appreciative look, taking in the enraged face, the glowing eyes and the lashing hair. Then he suddenly grinned at her. "I suppose this isn't the proper time to tell you that you look lovely when you are furious? But then, you always do."

Elvira's mouth worked soundlessly for a moment, and then she laughed, her expression softening. "Oh you…you are completely impossible, do you know that?"

"Of course I do. Part of my charm." His voice turned more serious as he took her hand. "You do know you can trust me not to betray you, don't you? That you are the only woman for me?"

Elvira nodded, actually looking a tiny bit embarrassed. "I know," she said. "I reacted in the heat of the moment, when I saw that disgusting little hussy draping herself over you and touching you and…" Her fingers were starting to twitch again, and her eyes were narrowing.

"Yes," Dekaras hastily said, "well, it wasn't entirely her idea. Or mine. I think I had better start explaining from the beginning…"

"Yes," the wizardess said in a flinty voice. "I think you'd better."

A short while later Edwin was pacing back and forth along the rim of one of the fountains in the Mansion gardens. Normally this made for a good game, since you had to dodge the water sprayed from the mouths of the rampaging demons that made up the central statue, but right now he didn't care if he got wet. "You don't think they'll really fight, do you?" he asked Laeyne for about the fiftieth time. "Only, Mother looked really angry…" In his worry he had completely forgotten about his previous resentment of the woman. If she had no plans on marrying his teacher, then she was all right. And besides, she had been keeping him entertained by telling him an exciting story about an evil zombie pirate searching for a fabled treasure. Being a pirate sounded almost as good as being a wizard, particularly if you could be undead to make you extra scary. And you'd get to go 'MUAHAHAHAHAH!' which sounded very promising.

"Don't worry," Laeyne said, brushing her auburn hair back. "I'm sure they'll work it out."

"Of course we did," said Dekaras as he walked out from behind the ugly fountain.

"You're all right!" Edwin said, smiling broadly. "I was kinda worried."

"More like 'hysterical'" Laeyne murmured.

The assassin shrugged. "I'm perfectly fine." He smiled slightly at Edwin. "Your Mother is a temperamental woman, but she wouldn't actually try to harm me. And even if she did, I'm extremely good at dodging. No, she simply got a trifle upset, that is all."

"A trifle upset?" Laeyne said in an incredulous voice. "That was 'a trifle upset'? I don't want to see her furious then. And what did she get so angry about anyway?"

"Well," Dekaras said, "she values my services and doesn't really want me to get married since that might mean she'd lose them. This whole Matchmaking thing is really Master Galen's idea, not hers. So, when she walked in on that kiss she feared the worst."

"I see," Laeyne said, frowning. "Right. Let's get back to what I was about to say before we got interrupted then. I think I was speaking of my Uncle Rory."

"The fat old jerk with the brains of a body louse!" Edwin helpfully piped up.

"That's the one, yes. I don't like him much myself. He's my late mother's brother, and unfortunately he's my legal guardian. We can't stand each other, and what's worse, he wants to get his hands on the money my mother left me. You see, my father wasn't a wizard at all, he was a mighty pirate known as Greenbeard."

"Why green?" Dekaras asked.

"An accident when he tried to dye it blond, I'm afraid. Anyway, he wanted me to become a pirate, just like him, and that's what I want as well. Mother was afraid I might change my mind though, and become all sappy and fall in love with some man. In her will she set things up so that if I marry anybody but a powerful pirate I lose the money. Same happens if I marry without having become a pirate myself, with my own crew and ship. And if I turn thirty without having set foot on a pirate ship. And guess who gets it instead?"

"Your uncle."

"None other. Now you know why he's so keen on marrying me off to you. He figured it'd annoy you, and since you're no pirate I would lose my inheritance to him. I couldn't simply refuse to come here either. If I did, he swore he'd lock me up in our dungeon until my time ran out. Do you see? I had to play along and pretend to want to go here. It was my only chance to get out of that house. He's a powerful wizard, I can't fight him. At least not yet."

"I see," Dekaras said. "It does sound like Ravonar's style. And I suppose he will also act against you if you get turned down for marriage?"

"Yes. You see my problem? I've been thinking of running away from here, but I have no place to go."

"I wouldn't say that," the assassin said, looking rather pleased with himself. "I have a few contacts, you see. I believe something satisfactory may be arranged. You'll have your pirate ship yet, I'll wager. We just need to take a little walk to meet some people I know…"

Pyarados was situated on a large river, so it had a port of its own, even if it wasn't one of the largest in Thay. It was here that Dekaras led Edwin and Laeyne. Edwin found the docks an incredibly exciting place. There were plenty of river barges and some larger ships as well, since the river was wide enough to allow them passage this far. Some were merchant vessels, but there were others as well. Sleek, hungry-looking ships with names like 'Reaper' or 'Sea Devil' or 'Ocean Urchin'. Goods were being loaded onto and off them, bales of cloth, barrels of wine or grain, boxes of exotic-smelling spices. And the sailors were everywhere, men and women with rolling gaits and skin as tough as old leather.

Dekaras headed for a dark and grimy little tavern named 'The Dead Parrot', with a sign made up of exactly that, a dead parrot, rather badly stuffed. Inside there were a few scratched tables stained with rum and what was probably blood, at which a few scruffy looking people were busy drinking themselves to sleep. A couple of others, pirates by the look of them, were throwing knives at a lifelike painting of a sea monster.

"This shouldn't take too long," Dekaras said, walking towards the bar. Behind it an enormous ogre was hunched down, green and warty, with protruding eyebrows and large yellow tusks. It was wearing a stained apron and using it to smear the grime around over a glass. "Mr Splatter!" the assassin called out, smiling at the horrible creature. "It has been far too long."

The ogre blinked slowly, and then its face split in a terrible grin. "Master Dekaras! So it has, so it has! What can I do for ye? Some grog maybe? We've got the best sort in, burns clear through yer tongue."

"Thank you, but no. I've come seeking employment."

"Ye?" Mr Splatter said. "I thought ye were happy working uptown? 'Sides, you're not that fond o' ocean travel, are ye?"

"Not me. This young lady." Dekaras indicated Laeyne who was watching the ogre suspiciously. "She wishes to become a pirate. I thought you probably could think of a suitable captain for her."

"Aye, p'rhaps…" Mr Splatter bent forwards across the bar, creating the impression of a falling mountain, and his yellow eyes fixed on Laeyne. "A pirate, is it? Prove it."

"I will," Laeyne said, placing her hands on her hips. "Any way you want."

"Right…I'll want three things. A proper pirate insult. Something with a sting to it. I want to see ye drink a mug o' me finest grog and walk away afterwards. And I want to take a look at yer swashbuckling skills." Still grinning, the ogre took out a wooden mug and poured a hissing and steaming liquid into it. Then he took out a rapier from beneath the bar and handed it to Laeyne. "Ye may begin when ye're ready."

"Right," Laeyne said, smiling dangerously. "You've got a deal." Grasping the mug, she poured the contents down her throat, then belched so forcefully that a foot long blue flame streamed out of her mouth. Mr Splatter had to dodge in order for it not to scorch his hair off. The girl grabbed the rapier, leaped onto the bar and brandished her weapon challengingly. "Watch out, you scurvy sea dogs! Try to touch me and I'll skewer you all!" Three pirates cheerfully took her up on her offer, and rushed towards her, swords drawn.

There was a flurry of movement, and then the three pirates were lying on the floor, their trousers sliced clear off their bodies. Laeyne was still standing on the bar, a triumphant smile on her face. "Insult away, puke face!" she told Mr Splatter.

The ogre nodded. "When I'm through with ye, ye'll be crawling off te protect yer smarting backside!"

"No, I'll be walking proudly, in boots made from your ugly hide!"

Mr Splatter clapped his hands. "Good one! Yer face looks like a monkey with the pox!"

"And your face looks like a monkey's shriveled rocks!"

"Oooh hoooh!" the ogre exclaimed. "Good work girlie, good work. One more. I'll thrash ye so soundly ye'll be screaming with pain!"

"I'm screaming already, from chatting with a man with no brain!"

"HAR!" Mr Splatter roared. "Yer a true pirate girlie! Meant to be one! What'll yer pirate name be?"

Laeyne thought for a second. "Laeyne the Bloody, I think. I'll think on it."

"Fine name. Very fine. Let me introduce me to a suitable cap'n." The ogre lumbered out into the backroom, and when he came back he had company. A thin and spindly pirate with a fringe of graying hair and a wooden leg gave Laeyne a kind and slightly befuddled look.

"Hello, my dear!" the old pirate said. "I am Mulcifer Boggleforpin, scourge of the seas. I'm told you want to join my merry crew?"

"Well…" Laeyne said, looking rather skeptical. "I'm…" Then she fell silent, standing at the second stranger approaching. This was a slender young man with tousled golden curls, a handsome face, deep blue eyes and a shy and admiring smile. "Who…who's that?"

"Who?" Mulcifer said. "Oh! That's my son, Newton."

"Hello!" the young man said, not taking his eyes off Laeyne. "I'm…I'm Newton Boggleforpin, and I work on my father's ship, until I can become a mighty pirate, just like him. Gosh, are you really gonna join our crew?"

"YES!" Laeyne almost screamed, grasping Newton's hands. "OH YES!"

Once the contract had been negotiated it was time to say farewell. "I cannot thank you enough," Laeyne said, shaking Dekaras' hand. "Hope things work out for you." She gave Newton a dazzling smile. "Funny…never thought this whole Matchmaking scheme would really help me find True Love."

"Happy to help," the assassin said. "And I think true love may be found in the most surprising places. Come along now, Edwin. We need to get home."

"Uh-huh…" Edwin said, grinning at Laeyne with a bedazzled look. "Miss Laeyne. I just wanted to tell you…well…kissing stuff is still gross, but if I ever did go crazy enough to want to marry, I'd marry a lady who's at least as good at insulting as you are!"

"That," the pirate woman said, "is one of the sweetest things I've ever heard." She then proceeded to kiss the struggling boy soundly on the cheek while giving him a suffocating hug.

"Careful now," Dekaras said, his face betraying not the smallest hint of amusement. "You wouldn't want his mother to see that…"

Sometime later Edwin was once again following his teacher through the tall gates to the Odesseiron Mansion, feeling pleased with the latest development. Apart from getting kissed of course, but he had mostly managed to make himself forget that by now. "This'll all be over soon, won't it?" he asked. "There's only one more of the Bad Ladies left."

Dekaras nodded. "So it would seem," he said. "But I'll also need to take some steps to ensure that Master Galen doesn't drag any more of them home. I believe I'll see to that as soon as I've seen you home."

"My, my. Somebody seems eager to avoid me." Lady Ylva Grauben stepped out from behind a tall tree, smiling faintly. There was something odd about her, Edwin thought. Something he hadn't noticed before. Surely her face hadn't been that elongated earlier? And there was something else as well…

"My dear lady," Dekaras smoothly replied. "What a dreadful thing to suggest. You must excuse me for now, I believe your designated day doesn't start until tomorrow."

"Oh, but I am very eager. And you don't seem to be too busy." Lady Ylva's face hardened a little. "Where is Laeyne Ravonar?"

"I haven't the faintest idea."

"No? But the estate guards said you left in her company. Where is she now?"

"I believe," the assassin said in a dry voice, "the usual term is 'off to seek her fortune'. She won't be joining us."

"She won't be marrying you then, I suppose?" Lady Ylva toyed with the broad pearl collier around her throat, twisting it a little. In the falling twilight her face was obscured by shadows, but her eyes were glowing with a faint golden light.

"I think that's extremely unlikely, since she seems to have fallen head over heels in love with a young pirate of my acquaintance."

"A pirate?" Lady Ylva laughed heartily. "Oh, that's priceless! That will really tick him off!"

"Him?" Edwin asked, fearing the worst. "Him who?"

"Why, my employer of course!" The blonde woman bared her teeth in a broad smile, and to Edwin's eyes they were looking more like fangs by the moment. "Rory Ravonar. I believe you know him." She winked at the assassin. "He doesn't like you at all, you know."

"I'm heartbroken," Dekaras said. "What do you want?"

"Well, I'm the back-up plan, you see. My employer really would have preferred to see you saddled with his niece, he was sure you'd make each other quite miserable. But if that didn't work, he'd be satisfied with your death instead." By now her ears were definitely more pointy than before, and her eyes were glowing even more fiercely than before. "I did warn you about my currrrrrse, didn't I? Preparrrrre to die!"

"I think you're making a very bad mistake here. And I also think you would do well to look behind you."

"Ha! I'm not falling forrrrr that old trrrick!" Bones twisted and snapped, fangs elongated, fur sprouted, and within seconds Lady Ylva had been replaced by a hairy, snarling werewolf. She crouched down, prepared to leap – and then she howled with pain as a beam of bright light struck her and her form dwindled away into nothing, leaving only a few motes of dust behind.

"That should teach you, you good-for-nothing tramp!" Elvira Odesseiron said triumphantly as she blew some smoke off her fingertip. "You won't be sniffing around on my territory anymore. I don't care if your family complains, that was self defense." Then she gave Dekaras an accusing look. "And don't you dare tell me that I shouldn't have helped you out. I knew you could have taken her out, but suppose she'd managed to bite you? I wouldn't want to have you howling and behaving like a wild beast." She paused as if she'd thought of something. "At least not literally."

"Thank you, My Mistress," the assassin said, bowing. "I take it that also means you've decided not to try to leash me in the future?"

A wicked glint crept into the wizardess' dark eyed. "I suppose so. If you think you can manage to behave…"

The following day Galen Odesseiron was feeling very confused. All of his potential brides seemed to have disappeared. He'd have to try to find some new ones. But where? They didn't grow on trees. Hmmm…trees…maybe I should take up gardening? That seems very interesting…but I need to finish this matchmaking thing first. Plenty of girls out there…

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door, and then his wife entered, Edwin trailing after her. "Galen," she said without preamble. "I believe you will be happy to learn that Master Dekaras has found a prospective bride and will no longer be in need of your services."

"He has? Golly, really? Who is she then? Anybody I know?"

Before the wizardess could answer the door swung open and Dekaras entered, looking utterly serious. A female figure was walking by his side, which wasn't so remarkable in itself. The odd thing was that the woman only barely reached his thighs. She was a halfling, with a round and cheerful face, bouncing brown curls, red cheeks and mischievous eyes. The contrast to the tall and somber-looking assassin next to her made them a very odd pair indeed. "Hi!" the halfling chirped. "Pleased to meet ya! Gee, this sure is a big house! Say, how come you've never invited me here before, Dek…"

"Because," Dekaras interjected, "I care for my sanity." He nodded to Galen. "Master Galen, I would like to introduce Poppy to you. My…darling fiancée." His mouth twitched a little as he said that. "She only just got home from a…job…and that is when we decided that we had loved each other all along."

"That's right!" Poppy said. "We're like…like that!" She tightly embraced Dekaras' leg, ignoring the assassin's attempts to pry her off. "Isn't he adorable? Isn't he just the sweetest, cutest little snuggly-wuggly you've ever seen? I certainly think so, and I've known him since he was this tall!" She indicated a distance very close to the ground.

"Yes," Dekaras said, his smile looking rather frozen in place. "Thank you so much for bringing that up, Poppy." He turned to Galen again. "Anyway, I am sure you are aware that halflings come of age later than humans do. Alas, this forces us into a long engagement. Very long."

"Er…how long?"

"Don't worry, Master. I'll let you know with a decade's advance notice or so."

Poppy was grinning broadly. "I thought little Eddie here could carry my flowers for me. And I'll want a really pretty dress, remember that you owe me that."

"Yes," Dekaras said. "I know exactly what I owe you."

"So, now that we're engaged and all, aren't you gonna sweep me off my feet and kiss me and carry me off in your strong embrace?" Poppy was almost laughing openly now. "That's how it's supposed to go, isn't it?" Five seconds later she was being hauled out of the room, carried across her friend's shoulder, waving cheerfully. "That's more like it, Dekkie! We'll save the kissing for later if you're shy…"

"Right," Galen said, feeling even more confused than before. "I suppose that settles that."

"Yes," Elvira answered him. "Except for one thing. I won my bet against Master Dekaras, you know. Which means he owes me an appearance in that pink suit…"

Late that evening Elvira Odesseiron entered her dark bedroom, humming softly to herself. Once more, everything was right with the world, and soon it was about to get even better. "Ready or not, here I come!" she called out, knowing that the Silencing Wards would allow her to do as she pleased this evening. Then she waved her hand letting a faint red light shimmer in the air. She turned her eyes towards the magnificent bed and felt her mouth drop open with surprise. Her lover had indeed put on the terrible pink suit. Except not all of it, and except it was no longer pink. Somehow he had managed to pick out the gold thread and dye it a deep black, which utterly altered its appearance. For one thing, he'd left the jacket open, and he obviously wasn't wearing anything under it, leaving her with a tantalizing view of his chest. For another thing, now that the pants were black rather than pink it became very obvious just how snug they were. The assassin was sprawled across the bed, looking extremely relaxed and smugly pleased with her reaction. "Mistress," he said, looking her straight in the eyes. "I am reporting to you as requested." He shifted about a little, something that made the wizardess swallow heavily. "I hope you will forgive me for taking the liberty of applying a little black cloth dye in order to make myself more presentable while still honoring the spirit of our agreement."

"Oh yes…" Elvira said, her voice hoarse. "Anything you say…" She let her robe slide from her shoulders and drop to the floor, and now it was her turn to take pride in the elicited response. She didn't pause long to dwell on this however, but slid onto the bed instead, letting her carefully manicured hand glide along her lover's chest in an eager caress. When he responded in kind she felt her entire skin tingle with fierce pleasure. Mine…all mine! And nothing is going to keep us apart!

A little while later it became necessary to take a break to breathe, and that's when Elvira suddenly thought of something. "My Wolf?" she asked, pushing her heavy black hair back over her shoulder to cool herself.

"Hmmm?"

"What do you suppose we should do about Rory Ravonar? He did try to have you killed, or worse married off to that dreadful girl. He deserves a bloody vengeance for that."

"Already dealt with that," her lover said, and he sounded very amused. "You see, there is a real matchmaking agency in town. I simply made a forged request from him to have them send some promising candidates over. They're very good, they can handle even the most exotic of requests. I thought it would be suitable to have the delivery arrive right when Ravonar is having his weekly meeting with the Tharchion, to discuss his orders, don't you agree? And somehow I doubt that the appearance of ten tutu-wearing Glabrezu shouting 'Who's been a naughty boy?' is going to improve Ravonar's standing amongst the Red Wizards."

Elvira laughed contentedly, nuzzling her lover's neck. "Ah, my Wolf, I adore it when you're being bad. It's a good thing you love me as much as I love you, for I'm never letting you go." Her smile turned feral. "I'll deal with any other female who tries to claim you, that I swear. Remember, in any wolf pack there can only be one alpha bitch…and right now she's of a mind to make you howl."