SPECIMEN

Mai was dead drunk, and Naru was more than annoyed.

He was pissed.

"Seriously?" he deadpanned.

In front of him—with the annoying audacity of looking sheepish—stood a red-faced Takigawa. The man himself could barely stand up straight. Mai was deliriously clinging onto his neck, mumbling incoherent stuff he had no intention (and energy) to understand.

It was midnight. He hated it whenever this happened at this hour.

Takigawa laughed and turned around to leave, waving a hand dismissively.

"Take care of her, Naru-bou," said the older man. Takigawa nearly tripped on his own two feet. "Can't just leave her alone in her apartment in that state."

Naru's eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to say a lot of things—his place definitely wasn't daycare for passed out drunks—but he hated wasting breath for heedless individuals. Against his own volition, he watched the monk stumble out of sight.

Mai groaned in his arms, which brought his attention back to the girl.

Few years ago, Mai surprised everyone in SPR by saying she would be pursuing a college degree... just not the program they were expecting. The girl claimed that she had always wanted to be a clinical laboratory scientist. Everyone, Ayako most especially, had been very supportive. Naru, too, in the best way he could as her boss and... friend. And while she promised that it wouldn't get in the way of her part-time work with them, Naru wasn't quite convinced.

Mai had learned to drink when things didn't go well in school—he mentally took note to confront Yasuhara about that—and everyone seemed to believe she had to end up in his own home every time she went dead drunk.

He just couldn't get across everyone that he wasn't Mai's babysitter. As soon as he dropped the girl on his couch, he expected what would happen next.

It always happened.

He watched the girl in exasperation, eyes glaring down and hands on his waist. Any second now...

"Naruuuu!" Mai wailed.

Naru sighed. The girl started tearing up and looking up at him in the most please-help-me-save-me look she could muster. He knew where this was going.

"What is it this time?"

Mai pouted, tearing up more. "But you'll get angry!"

"Huh." He already was.

"Huh-love you," mumbled Mai. Wasted, she giggled in what Naru perceived as unfunny mirth. She sat up and leaned close to him to grip both of his hands that were on his waist.

Naru fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"What is it?" he repeated. He knew she needed something so bad from him if she ended up drinking to gain confidence to ask.

"But you'll not like me anymore!" Mai began crying again.

Naru looked up in uncontained exasperation. He could feel the tips of his ears burning. It had only been one time—Mai had somehow managed to make him say unbelievable things just one time—and she would always use this to get him.

"Jesus Christ, what the heck are you saying?" he managed through gritted teeth.

"I'll be scared if you receive a response to that," Mai said instead. "Tell him hi if you do."

Naru was running out of patience. He didn't like a drunk Mai. She was so... He leaned down to face her closely, and stared at her seriously.

"Focus, Mai," he said instead. "Focus."

As if she remembered what was stressing her out that she ended up at Naru's, Mai began tearing up again. "Oh, right." She blinked, forcing tears to roll down her cheeks. "Naruuu!"

Naru didn't say anything this time.

"I need a specimen for tomorrow's lab and—and there's no available stock at our supplier and I was late in class and I ended up having no specimen for tomorrow."

Naru breathed in and out to calm himself. This tirade definitely seemed familiar. It happened one too many times in the past under the same circumstances.

"And this is supposed to be my problem, how?" he managed to ask.

Whatever he said, he knew he always couldn't say no.

"If... If you help me just this one time"—this definitely wasn't the first time!—"I'll make sure to do my best bestest in our next case, I promise!"

He could already imagine the needles.

"What do you need this time?"

"Please say you'll give me what I need," Mai countered.

Needles.

"Mai."

Mai remained resolute. In fact, she gripped his hands even harder. "Naru."

They stayed in the middle of a staring battle, urging one another to concede. It could be the alcohol, but Mai was definitely not giving up. Naru sighed.

"K."

"Potassium to you, too," grumbled Mai. Naru fought the urge to throw the girl out. Then, she stared at him as if she was talking to a toddler. "I'm in no need of potassium, Naru, I need a source of specimen. And that is you!"

Naru looked down at Mai. She had been drunk and crying that she was so red. He just wanted to make her take a quick shower to sober up but he knew she wouldn't let the conversation go.

"All right."

Mai grinned. "Just let me know if you'd need help in this one."

Naru paused. "What?"

He was getting more and more suspicious. He definitely wouldn't need help when she stabbed his arm with a needle and sucked away his blood.

"Errr." Mai leaned back and looked elsewhere. Naru didn't like where this was going. "I mean, if only ghosts could give me these specimens, why not, right? But I need a healthy individual so..."

"Mai..."

The girl smiled sheepishly. "I kinda... I kinda need your sperm sample?"

Naru was speechless.

Mai bit her lower lip, now blushing wildly. "I could always ask Yasu, or Bou-san, or Lin-san. If I could... I would ask John?"

Bless her by the Catholic church for even considering that.

Naru stared at her in disbelief. This girl... really?

"I need yours, unless..." she paused and then faked a concerned gasp, placing a hand on her chest. "Don't tell me you don't know how to—"

At that moment, Naru knew. He had to throw this girl out of his unit and make sure she didn't see him ever again. "Mai."

Mai grinned as though she had just won. She stood up so fluidly, Naru wondered if she was as drunk as she made him believe.

"Anyway, you already agreed. If you need a hand"—Mai wiggled her eyebrows. OK. She was definitely out of it—"I gotchu."

Never in his life did Naru think he would be this stunned, but he couldn't do anything but watch as Mai happily skipped to his room like she owned his place, humming.

Mai had been in his room for a while already before his voice thundered, "Mai!"

Note:

I want to make fun of Naru.