Hey all!

This was an idea that came to a bunch of people in the Shield Hero discord channel, and I decided to bite the bullet and give it a go to see where it takes me. Essentially, Naofumi is a potato but only Ren sees him that way.

Don't ask, just experience it.

Also, this is my first time writing in first person perspective. Hopefully it isn't too messy to read and enjoy it, and let me know what you think!

I felt my weight return as my feet touched the cold tile. It was the same feeling I always got whenever I dived into VR, but it felt...sharper somehow. As if the resolution was turned up to 11 and all of the sensory imitators were decades ahead of current technology. I opened my eyes and saw some strange men clothed in robes that reminded me of Brave Star Online.

"Oh heroes! Please save our world!" one announced. Typical beginning quest dialogue. Boring. Next he'll tell me I'm a hero destined to save the world or something.

I felt a small weight in my hand, and it turned out to be a sword with a fancy gem in it. Strange, the starting equipment is different than I remember from the last patch.

"Our world is on the verge of collapse, and we need you to save it!" the quest giver said. It took me a moment to notice that I wasn't alone. No matter; they were just other players who probably had no idea what they were doing.

I decided to start the quest with the usual response. "And what do we get in return? You can't possibly expect us to fight for your world out of the goodness of our hearts." Nice, it turned out just like I practiced.

"You summoned us here, so don't expect us to work for free. If circumstances are right, we may end up being your enemies." A blond boy with curly hair said next to me. He held a bow in his hand with a similar gem to the one in my sword.

Huh, guess I'm not the only hardcore role-player left these days.

"Take us to your king or something, I'm sure he'll tell us more about this danger your world is in. After he tells us what's up, we'll decide if we'll fight to help you." A taller blond man who looked like a university student said. His hair was tied into a ponytail and he had a long spear. Like the others, it had a gem in it.

His annoying bluntness was breaking my immersion though! Why can't you just try to act cool like the rest of us!? Damn pretty boys.

"Rest assured, all four of you will be compensated greatly before we return you to your own worlds." the robed man said placatingly.

Four? But there's only three of us.

"Oh man, looks like you got the short end of the stick there buddy!" the tall blond said to his right. But there was nobody there. Is his VR helmet malfunctioning?

A few moments later the shorter blond shrugged. "I'm not sure, but let's save the small talk for later. The king is waiting on us."

Who the hell were they talking to!? Am I lagging or something!?

They were just looking at empty space, but when I looked downward my eyes widened. "What the-" I started, but cut myself off when I realized I was talking out loud.

Sitting on the ground was a potato with a shield painted on the front. Just...a potato. And the paint job was crap anyway! Who drew that, a child!?

Whatever. Maybe it's a joke item that turns your player model into a potato? Weird that this person would start out with it. Maybe they're a Moderator testing the servers. I've never heard of such a thing in Brave Star Online, though.

We followed the quest giver through the castle, and I have to admit that it was much larger than any castle I saw in Brave Star Online. Normally the developers only put the minimum effort into the starting area and focused it all into the quests and monsters to grab the player's attention quickly. The view was fantastic from one of the windows, and again I was in awe of the detail this game had.

Did I buy the wrong game by accident? Oh well.

The walk was silent, as expected. Quest givers never said much outside of their usual lines, so I didn't expect him to strike up a conversation. Once we reached the throne room, I smirked.

The king looked more regal in Brave Star Online. This one seems a lot weaker and dumber in comparison.

"Welcome, oh heroes, to the great kingdom of Melromarc! I am King Aultcray Melromarc XXXII, and you have been summoned here to protect our world from the Waves of Destruction!" the man said. Well, at least his voice sounded like a king's voice should.

"The world we live in is plagued by monsters who appear in waves that grow stronger with each passing month. The four Cardinal Heroes are summoned to fight back against the calamity. Now, introduce yourselves."

"I suppose I'll start." I said, walking forward. "My name is Ren Amaki, 16 years old. High school student."

The shorter blond did the same. "Itsuki Kawasumi, 17 years old, and I'm also a high school student."

He was older than me!? That's a load of crap! He looks like a child!

"My name's Motoyasu Kitamura. 21 years old, and I'm a university student." The tall blond said.

"Wonderful, such gallant names for the Sword, Bow, and Spear heroes! Now then, let me-" the king said, but cut off suddenly. Silence filled the air, and I looked around wondering what was going on.

Suddenly, the king sighed. "Very well, then." he said. 'Very well' what!? Nobody said anything!

Itsuki and Motoyasu were looking to the side where the potato sat. Was it closer to the king than before? How did it get here anyway? I don't remember anyone picking it up.

"Yes, yes, anyway-" the king said dismissively after a few seconds of silence. "Go ahead and check your status."

I looked to the corner of my vision where the familiar gear icon was, and it brought up my status menu. My job was labeled as Sword Hero, and I was only lv 1. My stats were skewed toward STR and AGL, with only a small amount in DEF. I always preferred to be a DPS player anyway, so I was okay with it even though I couldn't choose them myself.

The others looked around in confusion. "Yeah he's right, what do you mean?" Motoyasu asked.

The king raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Status magic is something that everyone has access to in our world. It allows you to see your abilities in quantitative form, which makes it easy to track your progress."

"Yeah, but how do we check it?" Itsuki asked, waving his hand in the air as if it was a motion-controlled menu.

So outdated. He must be just getting used to the new hardware.

I'd had enough of their noob talk. "Look at the bottom right corner of your peripheral vision. You'll see an icon for your menu. Just focus on it and it'll pull the status menu up." I said, annoyed. Seriously, who didn't know that by now?

"Ohhhh!" the two said in amazement as their eyes lit up.

A short explanation of how the world worked was given, but it was amateur stuff. Basically, the only weapons we could use were the Legendary Weapons in our hands, but they grew stronger with us as we leveled up. That's what my help menu said, anyway.

We were brought in for a small feast, which was new. You never really had to eat in VRMMO's, but your body and mind were so used to it being a regular thing that the habit sort of stuck. It seemed odd that a quest would go out of its way to give you tasteless food at the very beginning of your adventure.

The food turned out to be delicious, which was a surprise. If there was one thing that current-gen VRMMO's failed to do, it was to really make good use of your sense of taste. Everything always tasted slightly off for whatever reason.

Something about everyone's tastes being different? I didn't care much for the details. I play games, not analyze them.

Afterward, we were brought into a room. Somehow, that damned potato appeared wherever we went. Even at the dinner table, it was sitting on a chair in front of a plate filled with food. There was no way that was a joke item, since the plates and silverware never moved. Normally, things would be manipulated by the player as usual but they sort of just floated around when your player model didn't have arms.

Food just randomly vanished from its plate whenever I looked away from it. The whole thing was starting to freak me out.

"You will be summoned in the morning to receive your party members. For now, please relax and get some rest. I know today had a lot of information for all of you." the maid said, before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

I sat down on the couch with a sigh. "Does anything about this seem weird to you guys?" I asked. Motoyasu and Itsuki were sitting on nearby chairs, leaving one empty in front of me.

I blinked, and suddenly the potato was laying on the chair. "Like, really weird!?" I asked again.

Motoyasu hummed in thought. "Now that you mention it, this does seem similar to a game that I played back home. It had the same story and the same mechanics, as far as I can tell. Just like Emerald Online" he said.

"Yeah, but this is more like Dimension Wave. Haven't you played that?" Itsuki said.

I had never heard of either of these games. They sounded boring.

"What are you talking about? What kinds of games are those?" I asked, leaning back in my seat. The potato sat there, motionless. I couldn't help but glance at it every few seconds to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"Uhh, it's an online game? Duh? Like the kind you use a computer for?" Motoyasu said with a raised eyebrow. He had turned his chair around and leaned against the back with his arms on top.

"A computer?" I asked in confusion. "Who the hell uses such old hardware for gaming these days?"

"Old?" Itsuki asked. "Dimension Wave was only playable on a console."

"A console!?" I asked incredulously. "You mean you guys haven't played a VRMMO before?"

Seriously, who were these people? Did they live under rocks?

They were genuinely confused. They turned to look at the potato and I glanced between them and the small spud on the chair. Motoyasu shrugged. "I dunno, Naofumi. I always thought VRMMOs were the type of thing you only see in manga or light novels."

"Who the hell is Naofumi?" I asked.

The two looked at me strangely. "What do you mean, Ren? He's right here. You know, the one who's waving at you?" Itsuki asked.

There was still just a potato. I didn't know how to respond.

"That's a potato."

They gave me a strange look. "No, that's Naofumi."

I sputtered. "It has a name!?"

Motoyasu chuckled. "Okay okay, enough with the jokes man! It's a little rude to call Naofumi an 'it', don't you think?"

I thrust a finger in that thing's direction. "Do you guys seriously not see this potato with a shield on it!?"

"Woah man! Not cool!" Motoyasu gasped. "Dude, you need to chill out. You can't just call somebody a potato. That's messed up!"

What is he talking about? The only thing sitting on that chair is a potato! It hasn't said a word this entire time!

"Seriously, Ren. Are you okay?" Itsuki asked. "Maybe this is all a little too much for you."

"It's not too much!" I yelled, slamming my hands on the table. "You're talking about a freakin' potato, you guys! Is this some kind of out-of-season April Fools joke!?"

A few seconds of silence as the two looked between the vegetable and me. My eyes widened as they seemed to think about it for real.

"Ren, why aren't you responding to him?" Motoyasu asked. "You're just sitting there staring at him and it's getting fucking creepy as hell."

"I can't help it! He's just a potato! I don't know what's going on, but there's a fucking potato following us around and I don't know how to explain it! You guys are apparently having conversations with a potato that I can't hear!"

"Maybe you need to go to bed." Itsuki cautioned, pointing toward one of the four beds in the room.

"No, just-" I sighed. This was hard. "Whatever. Okay? Just translate for me so I know when it-ugh...HE talks."

"O...kay..." Motoyasu sweatdropped. "He asked whether VRMMOs are normal where you're from. I'm pretty curious myself."

"Yeah, they're pretty much standard for all video games in my world." I said. It was humiliating, trying to speak to a potato. The only thing keeping me sane was knowing that this was apparently strange for the others as well.

"Jeez. Most of our MMOs don't even have good 3D graphics. Some of the best ones from back home are actually in 2D." Motoyasu said with a shrug. "Having a whole game in VR seems insane, though. Is it like this?"

I nodded at him. "Almost exactly the same. You don't have the same type of menu, though. There's no log-out button or anything."

Motoyasu listened to the fucking potato talk - apparently - and responded with a sympathetic frown. "Man, it must suck to be you. Shielders are like...the total noob class. They have high defenses but can't hurt anything worth a damn. Their stats usually fall off in the late game, so nobody plays them."

Apparently, the potato - I may as well call him Potatofumi just to put a name to him, since I refuse to acknowledge that a potato was an equally intelligent and sentient being such as myself worthy of a real name - wasn't happy about that. Itsuki averted his eyes.

"I'm sorry Naofumi, but he's right. The Shielder is generally a useless class." he said. I couldn't exactly deny it, anyone using a shield ended up being weaker than everyone else in Brave Star Online. There was no mechanic where having excessively high defense prevented damage entirely, so the only way to win was to deal damage yourself.

Shielders didn't have that. Apparently, Potatofumi was called the Shield Hero. A ridiculous title for a ridiculous potato! Who summons a potato to save the world!?

"What do you mean? We're all from Japan, I think." Motoyasu responded to Potatofumi.

"..."

Itsuki and Motoyasu both responded with a name at the same time, and I looked between them in confusion.

"Naofumi told us to name the current prime minister. Apparently we're not from the same exact Japan, maybe at different times." Motoyasu clarified.

Why did this have to be so damn confusing!? I never in my life thought I'd be speaking through a potato-ese translator!

"Oh, okay. Next is the current top idol. 1-2-3-"

We all said different names. This continued for several minutes, and none of our answers were the same.

"So I guess we're from different Japans then." Itsuki said, running a hand through his curly locks. "Still, it's pretty crazy that we all got summoned here to save the world."

"I know, right!? Isn't this awesome!?" Motoyasu was giddy. He would come off as cool if he wasn't so easily excited.

"I guess so..." I said, glancing at Potatofumi out of the corner of my eye.

"So what did you guys think about the maids? Pretty cute, eh?" Motoyasu said with a dirty grin. Ah, I see. He was the playboy type who only thought about girls.

Weak.

Conversation died down fairly quickly after that, with all of us busily looking through our statuses and help menus for whatever information we could find. I barely looked, since this was all the same as Brave Star Online minus a few small details. I already knew that game like the back of my hand, so I may as well get some rest.

I fell asleep, but not before noticing the bed across from me was occupied by none other than our resident vegetable. He sat on the pillow, leaving the blankets completely untouched. Apparently nobody found this strange except me.

Every time I looked, I swear I could practically feel the damn thing staring right back at me.

I had a nightmare of being chased by a giant potato that night.