SUCKERPUNCHED

by Madame Bomb

Zuki Week – Day 6 (April 3rd)

Prompt: FIGHT/MAKEUP

Rating: M+

Summary: Zuko and Suki deal with the consequences of their actions.

Notes: Angsty.

He didn't see the punch coming. Looking back on it later, after the bruise had settled into a mottled black and purple thing big enough to rival the size of the scar the other side of his face, he realized that he should have.

Because really, when a woman looks at you with tears in her terrified eyes and righteous anger on her lips, a punch to the face can't be much of a surprise. But he'd been too stunned by the tears and the anger to clock the fist coming for his face until it landed.

"You fucking asshole!" Suki half-screamed, half-cried as he stumbled back against his desk, his face on fire from her devastating punch. He caught himself on the desk, but not before his elbow knocked over the inkwell with a splash. Black ink splattered across the desk, and on his hands.

Zuko gasped, looking up at her in shock, his jaw aching and tears in his eyes.

"Suki!"

But Suki's eyes were angry, and not just angry; she was crying openly. And that was so unlike the Suki he knew, that all he could do was stare at her with his mouth open and his face aching.

Her chin wobbled as she glared at him, tears tracking through her white paint, and running down through the red and black rimming her eyes. She swiped at her eyes, and that made everything worse.

"Fuck you!" Suki said, advancing on him, and he thought she might punch him in the face again. He tried to grab her hand, but she hit at his shoulders, coming in around his feeble defenses like the trained warrior she was. Even in her upset state, she was deadly accurate. "ASSHOLE!"

"Suki! SUKI!" he said, doing the only thing he knew to do, which was let her hit his shoulders, his stomach, his chest, while opening his arms and then, with a rough, desperate grab, wrapping them around her. He yanked her against him roughly, pulling her so tightly to him that she couldn't free her arms to hit him again.

He knew she could get out of the hold and braced himself for that too.

"NO!" she sobbed, trying to shove at him, but she didn't resort to any of the tactics he knew she was capable of. Either she was too upset, or she didn't want to free herself. She trembled, both in anger, and in whatever emotion had brought her into his office in this state. "You stupid bastard! How could do this to me?"

"Shhh..." Zuko said, shoving his face against her forehead. His arms locked around her, smudging them both with ink. She took a sharp breath and then she gave another sob. The sound was heart-wrenching, broken, and it shot right through him with a hard stab of pain.

Fear slammed into him as he tucked his head against hers.

"Shhhh...Suki... What's wrong?" he whispered as Suki's angry hands turned desperate, wrapping up in his clothing and twisting as she collapsed into broken sobs. Her body trembled, shaking like a fragile leaf.

But Suki was not fragile. At least he had never thought of her that way before, but now... Now she looked like she was about to shatter like glass. He'd never heard her cry like this. He'd never seen her so angry, so upset. And never at him, not even that night months ago when he'd nearly ruined everything...

He had no idea what he'd done to her, or what could upset her so much.

He tried to think back, but he couldn't remember anything stupid he'd done recently. Well, other than...

And then he felt like lightning had hit him. Fear and shame ran roughshod through his body, hot and blinding as he stiffened.

"Oh, no, Suki..." he breathed as she cried in his arms. "No, no..."

Because there was only one thing that could upset her like this. Only one thing that could anger her...that could turn her into fragile glass. And it was all his fault.

His face crumpled with grief and guilt as he rocked her back and forth. She cried in hard jags against his shoulder as his hands slipped into her hair, smearing ink and not caring one bit. He'd already done too much damage to her already, and he knew it. What was a little ink, after what he'd done?

"Shhh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he whispered and then he kissed her forehead again and again, unable to stop himself. He rained kisses down her forehead, and lifted her chin. His kisses landed on her hot lips.

She shivered, her breath warm on his lips, but she didn't try to stop his kisses.

"Suki... It's my fault. I'm so sorry," he mumbled against her mouth.

Because it was, wasn't it? It had been his fault, months ago. He had been unable to control himself that night, hadn't he? He had known full well that she wasn't his, that he had no right. But he'd done it anyway, unable to stop, not wanting to... Only wanting her...

And that had been selfish. He'd known it was. And still.

And still he had done it. He had no excuse. No defense against the truth. And what was worse, even though it had only been just the once, he had wanted to do it again. He had wanted nothing but her for too long. Once had not been enough, consequences be damned.

"Zuko..." Suki gasped and then she let out another breath that was full of pain and fear. Her face lowered against his chest. He gathered her against him again, and she clung to him, her breath on his neck.

"How did he find out?" he asked after a long moment, afraid of the answer, but knowing that he had to ask.

Suki sniffed and then leaned away from him, cinfusion in her raw eyes. "What?"

"Sokka, how did he find out about us? I mean, about... About that night?" he asked with pain in his voice, because they had never talked about it. She'd left his room before dawn, after kissing him so deeply he'd nearly broken down and taken her back to his bed again. A part of him had known that she'd wanted that as much as he had.

But she'd left. Because she had to. Because it should never have happened and never could again. Because she wasn't his.

They'd never spoken a word about it again. He knew why. He understood.

And still he wanted her.

"How did he find out?" Zuko asked again, his voice breaking.

"He doesn't know," Suki said, wiping at her running nose with the back of her sleeve. Her makeup was in ruins, but even now he couldn't help but think of how beautiful she was, how much just looking at her was like another sucker-punch to his face. "Not yet."

Confusion rolled through him.

"Then what's wrong? Tell me, please. Tell me, I'll make it better, I swear. I'll do anything," he said, as Suki's face crumpled again. He gathered her up against him again and she clung to him. "Tell me what I can do. Whatever's wrong is my fault."

"It's not," Suki said, pulling back. She sniffed. "It's me, too. Zuko, I did this too. I wanted to, that's the worst part. I wanted it. I wanted you so much. I still do. I still feel... Oh Spirits... This is my fault. I was so stupid, I... Zuko, I..."

The words babbled out of her in a hiccuping confusion. Zuko cupped her face, his thumbs rubbing at the tears on her cheeks.

"What's wrong? Please, tell me, my love," Zuko whispered, unable to stop the words from leaving him. Suki heard them and her hands touched his on her crying, smeared face. Her blue eyes were full of pain as she met his gaze and held it. "Whatever it is, we'll fix this."

"Zuko, I'm pregnant."

She might as well have sucker-punched him again. The words hit him like a blow to the brain and he stared at her, sure that he'd died, that his spirit had left his body in one wrenching moment.

He didn't ask if it was his. He didn't have to. He knew. Suki hadn't seen Sokka in six months. The night he had taken Suki into his bed had been nearly three months ago.

Three months of agony, of wanting her more than he wanted air, of guilt and pain and heartache.

Three months of not knowing what he'd done that night, the real damage he'd wreaked on both of their lives.

That night had changed his life. He had known it then, had felt the earthquake in his soul. And now he knew just how deep it went, just how deeply he'd destroyed everything with his selfish heart.

Zuko wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple over and over again.

"Suki..."

"What are we going to do?" Suki whispered. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes again. She was so beautiful his heart ached.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. That night..."

But Suki shook her head. "I wanted that night to happen as much as you did. I still..."

"You still?" he asked softly, and Suki's expression was pained. "Me too. You know how I feel."

Because he'd told her that night, before he'd kissed her, before he'd slowly undressed her, and unraveled her one kiss at a time, until she'd arched into him, his name a soft cry on her lips and her body wrapped tightly around his. He'd told her, and she'd told him things too, things they both knew she couldn't say again. Things that only lead to pain and trouble, and guilt.

"I feel the same way," Suki whispered, and he could see her guilt at admitting it, finally saying what they'd both known. He kissed her, softly, gently, telling her without words everything he couldn't say. She clung to him, kissing him back, and when she pulled away, breathing shakily, all he could do was look at her, with his heart in his eyes.

Zuko stroked her hair back from her face and then pressed his mouth to her forehead again. He didn't want to stop touching her. His face hurt, but that seemed like nothing in comparison to the pain she was in.

"It's mine, Suki. You could be too...if you want," he said, because he knew what it would cost her, what the fallout would be. And maybe it was selfish, just like he'd been that night. But he felt the way he felt. Nothing had changed.

Suki shivered and clung to him.

Her voice was very quiet when she said, "I already am."

(end)