Dear Charlie, Jake and my friends,

After I got the idea to write this letter and explain I also felt fear of you not understanding my motives and blindly looking for me in this god-awful weather that I'm sure is raging behind your window as you read this. But I hope, that after I'll try to explain and lay out all of what I felt and what I thought, you'd understand at least a little. But before I start I have to say one more thing. I love you and I am so grateful for having you all in my life. And no Dad, this is NOT a suicide note!

I suppose I'll start from the beginning, when all of this begun. You all remember the night when the Cullens left me. I remember it all too well. After so many months it's still so fresh in my memory. And I hope you also remember the way I spilled all of what I felt that very night. I felt naked, laying out all of my sadness like that. The way I cried makes me cringe as I write it. But I consciously left one thing out. The thing that made me write this letter. Right after Edward went away and left me alone in those woods I got this strange feeling, like a pull towards something. It felt like wind was pushing me in some direction. But instead of feeling it in my body I felt it in my heart. I felt it being grabbed and pulled. I know it sounds strange and maybe kind of insane. Maybe it is. Maybe when Edward broke up with me I went mad, overcome with sorrow. I don't know and that is why I had to leave. To find out whether or not what I feel is real. If you're asking yourselves why didn't I bring it up to you, I cannot say for certain. I felt that if I said what I feel out loud I would make myself look insane and maybe I didn't want to admit to myself that something was wrong with me. Because it feels so real and I know in some way you wouldn't believe me. It doesn't mean I love you any less. I just know you too well. That's why I saved as much money as I possibly could and that's also why when you go to my room you'll find many things gone. That's also why you won't see my truck in the driveway. That's why you woke up and found this latter. I ask you not to look for me. I'll be fine and when I feel more confident with what I feel I'll call you or write you another latter.

To Jake, I want to say that I'm sorry I'm being so selfish. I shouldn't be leaving you and not supporting you through your own problems but I'll hope you forgive me some day. It feels strange, leaving just after Leah stopped growling at me and Sam started being more open about me being at La Push so often. I'm sorry that I'm leaving just when your family started to warm up to me.

Dad, I love you and I know you're just itching to call your friends at the station but please don't do that. If you'll find me I don't know if I could continue on like that.

One more thing, and I don't want you to worry about it, this pull didn't just appeared and stayed the way it was when I first felt it. It grew with its intensity. I'm sure you could recollect moments when I started to fidget and move my eyes in all the directions. I did that because it felt like I wasn't supposed to be where I was. It felt claustrophobic. Because of this… uneasiness I also started writing what I was feeling and at moments it felt like ramblings of a maniac, but on paper. You probably remember seeing me in my room writing in my notebook so fast it looked unreal. That was because what I felt and what was running through my mind was so intense that my hand could not keep up with my thoughts. You won't find those notebooks. I burned every single one after I filled it up. So now you see, I couldn't keep on living like this and not doing anything about it.

To assure you once again, I am prepared. I have money, maps, knowledge and something still resembling healthy state of mind. I think that's enough. If something were to happen I will call you. You know I'm smart. I won't be gone forever. Think of it like a gap year, just a bit early and not that long. Take this time, without me constantly breathing down your neck, and try to relax. You need it.

One last thing before I say my final "See you again". I didn't tell mom about me taking this time for myself and I am not planning to. I won't be mad if you tell her. This decision I leave up to you. You can show this letter to Jake and to any of my friends. I love you and even though my heart pulls me towards somewhere else I'll always have you in it. I'll carry my love for you through this journey. So please remember your love for me too.

Yours forever and see you soon,

Bella

Charlie wept as he was tightly holding Bella's letter in his shaking hands. As he was reading it, smudges appeared on the paper due to the thick tears falling from his eyes. Unfortunately, It did not obscure his daughter's heartfelt words. How could he missed it? He asked himself that since he stopped reading. How could he missed the troubling thoughts his own flesh and blood was experiencing?

He felt regret. Charlie regretted not being more open and talkative. Maybe then Bella would confide in him the feelings she struggled with. He might've helped her. He might've stopped her. But more than that regret, he felt dread. He was terrified for his teenage daughter, alone in this storm and driving towards something unknown. Something that might not even exist.

He wanted to call his buddies at the station and make a search party but Bella asked him not to. He was torn. He didn't know what to do so he just sat down in the kitchen chair and cried. He knew, in the moment he put down the letter, that he wasn't going to do anything. He might call Jake later and ask if he knew anything about it but he doubted he would. Bella hid it from everyone as far as he knew from the letter. She kept this pull inside her all those months she's been recovering from Edward. Just when everything started to resemble normalcy she disappears. He had hard time believing his daughter capable of something so extreme. Clearly he was wrong.

Through all those excruciating months, mourning Cullens, Bella has toughened up. She didn't resemble that awkward and shy girl she used to be. She became more confident and most importantly happy. Bella and Jake bonded so strongly after Edward, and Charlie was happy for her. He felt assured in Bella having Jake as her best friend. How then could he tell Jake that Bella was gone and nobody knew where? How could she left him on such a sorrow note?

He looked at the clock and saw that it was 8:12 a.m.. It was too early for these feelings, thankfully he had a day off. He didn't think he'd go to work otherwise. Jacob might be up and so Charlie thought he'd call him. The boy would sure as hell try to look for Bella and apparently it was his job to stop him. He sighed. Today was a really bad day.

After he got up he went to the bathroom to wash his face. After that he went into the hallway and stood before the phone. He really didn't want to do this. He knew what Jake's reaction would be. Nevertheless, he picked up a phone and called Jake's home number. It ringed for a while. Clearly Jake and Billy were not up yet. Just when he was about to hang up the phone he heard Jake's, still groggy from sleep, voice.

"Hello?" He sounded so pissed off it threw Charlie off the balance a little. Dealing with an angry teenager was not one of his preferred situations. Thankfully Bella was never like that. Gloomy yes, never angry.

"Hi Jacob, it's Charlie." His voice still sounded harsh from crying. Jake must have noticed because he asked if Charlie was alright.

"You sound strange Mr. Swan. Is everything alright?" The anger from before no longer there but instead replaced with worry. Jake was surprised and concerned with Charlie's voice. He never heard him sounding so emotional. He was always a very stoic man.

After a few seconds of silence, and Charlie gathering his thoughts, he spoke to Jake.

"Bella's gone." He rasped and started silently weeping. Saying those words out loud made this situation all the more real.

"She's what?!" Screamed Jake. At that moment Charlie realized that he might've phrased it in a confusing way. The way he said it sounded as if Bella was dead.

"She left a letter and run off." Charlie clarified. It stopped Jake's screaming and just left him breathing heavily into the phone. It felt as if he was breathing on Charlie's cheek. He grimaced. This was getting more uncomfortable than he realized.

"What letter? Where did she go?" Asked annoyed Jake. Charlie's suspicions have come true. Jacob didn't know about it. If Jake wasn't aware about Bella's plans nobody else was.

"I woke up and found this letter. She went somewhere. She didn't specify. Listen, could you come here today? She addressed it to you too." Charlie was getting tired and it was way too early for a beer. But maybe today he'd make an exception. Circumstances clearly allowed it.

"Alright Mr. Swan. Would it be alright if I come over right now?" Asked Jake impatiently. Charlie knew it would take that boy some time to get here. In the meantime he could clean himself. And not look like a total disaster in front of this kid.

"That's fine by me Jacob. Let's talk more later." Charlie was so tired with everything already. You could clearly hear it in his voice. His head even started to hurt a little. This is getting better and better, he thought sarcastically.

"Thanks Mr. Swan. I'll be there in an hour." After that Jake hung up. Charlie thought he must be confused about this situation as much as he was. This was, after all, so very bizarre.

After he put the phone in its place he walked up stairs to his room. On the way there he stopped in front of Bella's door. He slapped his forehead. Why didn't he check the room right after reading that latter? It should've been the first thing on his mind. He shook his head. No reason to bother himself with those thoughts now.

When he touched the doorknob, a spark of hope appeared in his heart. What if this was just a joke? What if Bella was right behind those very doors sleeping? After he swallowed and wiped off his forehead, he realized how much he sweat already. This state of affairs put him in a lot more stress than he noticed.

When he opened the door he saw a silhouette of his sleeping daughter, but it disappeared as soon as he stepped inside the room. He looked around and saw the pile of clothes Bella usually kept near the closet gone. Few of the books on the bookshelf were missing. Her bed was made. Her room pristine as it was the day she came to live with him. This image made Charlie all the more sadder.

He stepped closer to Bella's bed and sat down facing the window. It was open and a slight breeze mixed with rain caressed his face.

As he cried, his tears blended in with the rain.

Such a sorrow sight to behold.

Jake could not believe his eyes as he looked at Charlie's face. Standing in the doorway, dressed in creased clothes and barefoot, his red eyes looked back at Jake with the same feeling of disbelief he himself was feeling. The image of usually stoic and composed police officer has shattered in the young boy's mind. The man before him was nothing like the Charlie he knew. It was a devastating realization.

When he got the phone call early in the morning he did not expect the news he was about to receive. At first he thought he misheard Charlie. He told himself that he'd believe it when he sees it. With the way Charlie looked, any doubt he had had vanished from his mind.

"Hello, Mr. Swan." Spoke Jake as Charlie took a step back to let the young boy in. Somehow saying "Good Morning" didn't fit the atmosphere.

"Hi to you too, Jacob. Let's go to the kitchen." When Charlie closed the door Jake was already heading up to the kitchen. Upon crossing the threshold his eyes landed on the table and with that on the latter laying there, all mangled up. Cleary handled by someone under distress. He quickly grabbed said letter and started reading. When he was halfway through he felt an arm on his shoulder. He looked back at Charlie and saw understanding in his eyes.

Charlie seeing the confused look in the young boy's eyes squeezed his shoulder some more.

"Let's sit down." He then pushed Jake into the chair. The boy was clearly out of it. Charlie then went to the fridge and took out an unopened bottle of fresh water and a can of beer. He bought some for watching the game tonight but now it did not seem that important. Closing the fridge, he headed to the table where Jake was sitting. Charlie decided to take a closer look at him. His dark, long hair were mostly covering his face but he was able to notice his quivering lip. He would not be surprised if he started to cry. He could hardly judge him for that.

The sound of a can hitting the tabletop made Jake glance back up at Charlie. His lips no longer quivering but instead only slightly ajar as if he was about to say something. No sound came out of his mouth though.

Charlie then put the water in front of Jake and opened his beer. The sound of a can opening up was odd at this hour. It made this situation all the more strange.

When Jake looked at the beer Charlie was holding no judgment appeared in his eyes. Only pain.

"Did you know anything about Bella's plan, Jacob?" Charlie hated himself for asking as the boy was clearly distressed but he had to know for sure.

"I didn't know. I didn't see it…" Spoke Jake almost whispering. His eyes drifted from Charlie's face back to the letter he was holding. Now it was much more mangled up.

"I didn't either." Responded Charlie and took a huge sip of his beer. Unfortunately, the coldness of the drink did not mange to sooth the aching heart and head of his.

"What do we do now, Mr. Swan?" Asked Jake hopefully. It was obvious that in such situation you want an adult to help but regrettably Charlie did not feel very much like an adult right now. He was lost as to what to do.

"I don't know. I know if I'd call it in at the station they would find her. But I don't think that would be for the best…" Charlie surprised himself with saying those words. Any responsible father would notify the police but he knew his daughter. She was not trivial with words. If she left there clearly had to be a reason for it.

"What do you mean?! We should look for her!" Responded Jake. He clearly wanted to scream it at poor Charlie but instead it sounded more like a growl.

Charlie understood Jake's frustration but he couldn't say he shared it.

"But she doesn't want us to, Jacob. You know her." He sighed these words out and then wiped his mustache. Some snot still managed to leak out from his nose.

"She made that clear. But how can we do nothing?" Responded Jake. Both of them tired and stressed beyond belief by this situation. Jake was right. He couldn't just do nothing. He had to take care of the school and Bella's part-time job. He suspected she might've not given the old Betty at the bookstore any notice.

"I'll take care of school. You take care of her friends. Does that sound like enough of action to you, Jacob?" Charlie couldn't help being a little sarcastic. He couldn't bring himself to care for much in this situation. He then put his head in his hands and let out the loudest sigh today. Hoping it would make Jake go away. Why did he agree to do this so early in the morning?

"Sure… You're clearly not well Mr. Swan, I'll leave you to… it." Jake replied with annoyance and uncomfortableness in his voice. He then get up and went out before uttering goodbye. The bottle of water left untouched.

"Shit." Muttered Charlie under his breath. He knew the worst was about to come.

It was almost 10 by the time Jake got back to the reservation. When he stepped inside his home and went to the kitchen his dad was already there pouring himself coffee.

"Good morning." Said Billy when seeing Jake. As soon as he saw the state in which his son was he wanted to take those words back. He heard some commotion early today and suspected he went out to hang out with his friends or something. But now when the boy stood before him, his hair wet from the rain and his eyes sparking, he knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" Asked distressed Billy as he moved closer to Jake. Instead of any verbal reply Jake handed him a piece of paper. It was all smudged out and creased but he could clearly read everything on it. After hesitantly taking this piece of paper and looking back at his son he looked back down at what he received.

He started reading it and the first thing that went through his mind was "vampires". Those damn, awful bloodsuckers. Unbelievable that after five months they still found a way to influence that girl.

These were his first thoughts but then he read it again and noticed more clearly the part about this mysterious pull. It sounded like a a feeling wolf-shifters experience when they're away from their pack mates. It'd be strange for a vampire to be so creative. It was strange but it made this situation real. Seemed like Bella really did leave by herself. In the span of the last five month he got to know her. He saw her grow up and mature. He saw her getting over them. This was clearly something else but what, he couldn't imagine. That girl was in no way a shifter. There was no way she could feel a bond like that. This just didn't make sense.

"Um… Dad?" Jake's voice brought Billy out of the trance he fall into. He was so focused on figuring this out that he didn't realize Jake was calling out to him.

"I'm fine. Where did you get this from?" Billy asked Jake, obviously intrigued.

"Charlie called home and said he found it this morning." Jake looked even sadder after uttering those words. The imagine of a distressed Charlie still vivid in his mind.

"I'll call him." Said Billy. He couldn't imagine what his best friend must be going through. His only child ran away. The realization of that must've been catastrophic. Charlie might always appear to be stoic and unaffected but Bill knew that was not the case at all. When it came to Bella Charlie felt a lot. He loves her more than anything and waking up to her gone must have been tragic.

When Bill was about to reach for the phone he hesitated. Was this really a good time to call him? He asked himself. Should he give Charlie some time to process it? Bill was torn, but after imagining himself in his friend's situation he finally decided to call.

The beeping did not stop for a couple of seconds but then Charlie picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Bill could hear the tiredness in Charlie's voice. He felt so sad for him.

"Hi Charlie. It's Bill, should I come over?" Bill decided not to mention the letter or Bella. Charlie must've figured out that Bill already knew. The only thing he could do for his best friend was to offer some comfort.

"Billy? Yeah… I would really like you to come over. If you don't mind." Responded Charlie. He sounded comforted at the idea of Bill coming over. Bill was right then. Charlie needed a friend.

"Of course I don't." Said Bill. There was no way he was going to left his friend alone in this situation so he was going to be there for him.

After slight persuasion Jake agreed to drive Bill to Charlie's. The boy clearly didn't want to come back there so there had to be some convincing done.

Both of them tended to their own thoughts while driving to Charlie's. Jake was having hard time believing that Bella left him without saying anything. She didn't hinted at anything. The two teenagers bonded strongly after Edward and his family left and Jake really thought there ware no secrets between them. But still, Bella managed to hide something this great. When he read her letter he remembered all those instances when Bella was experiencing this pull. He didn't think anything much of it then. It didn't registered in his mind as something concerning. He was so stupid. How could he not saw it?

Bill heard a squeaking sound to his left and glanced at his son. He was squeezing the driving wheel obviously having some harsh thoughts. There was nothing Bill could do for him. This was something he had to do on his own. The only comfort he could provide was his presence.

After Jake parked in front of Charlie's house he then went out and helped his dad out. There was no more rain, just a very cold wind. It was January after all. The only good thing today was the lack of snow. Perfect weather to run away to.

When Jake brought Bill in his wheelchair up to the porch and knocked, he then said.

"Call me when you guys are done." A soon as he said it he run off to the car and Charlie opened the door.

"Hi Billy." When Charlie said it all the sadness he felt came forth in his eyes. Bill was crushed. He looked miserable.

"Oh, Charlie…" After Charlie let Bill into the house and went to the living room Charlie cried more than any other time today. Bill and Charlie hugged. This comfort made Charlie cry all the more.