Disclaimer: I don't own SU or SUF!

Title: Let You Down

Summary: With Steven's damaged mental health finally coming to the surface, Connie can't hide from her own problems anymore.

Warnings: Spoilers for the SUF Finale! Please don't read if you haven't watched yet.

...

Little Homeworld takes to the Diamonds like- well, like a bunch of skittish and technically 'incorrect' bunch of people would seeing their former dictators. White takes it hardest, crying into long-nailed fingers and blubbering about it being her fault. And it is, so no one corrects her- save for the few grumbles of the other Diamonds being just as guilty. Yellow carefully holds Blue's wrist and lets the woman lean on her while they handle the barrage. Spinel is squished between them.

Thankfully, Gems are great at being forgiving. Despite being wary, they offer platitudes and gifts. The Heaven and Earth Beetles seem especially curious, climbing over and around the ex-leaders like Pebbles up a wall. Knowing them, they're probably gunning to add them to their evening constitutional.

Steven makes a bigger impact. Partially for his actions earlier, but mostly from the way his hands are wrapped around her waist as she guides Lion, the shy press of his head to her shoulder. It doesn't take a genius to decipher who the giant pink worm on the beach might have been, with all the attention on him.

None of that is weird, per se, until they get into Bismuth's makeshift house and Jasper is on the couch, arms crossed, scowling.

Bismuth's jaw drops. "How did you-"

Jasper points toward a separate room. "Busted a hole in."

The blacksmith shrieks. "My wall!" She's gone before Connie can even blink.

The Quartz doesn't have a nose, but if she did Connie was pretty sure it'd be scrunching right now. She carefully examined Steven from where he sat. Steven stared back at her, almost perfectly blank. If anything, Connie thought he looked bored.

"Heard you got corrupted," she says.

Steven cocks an eyebrow. "Since when did you talk to other Gems?"

Jasper doesn't answer that. "You don't look like you corrupted."

"Did you seriously break in to ask stupid questions?" Connie growls. Steven's begun to waver in her arms, undoubtedly exhausted.

She stands up, trying to intimidate her with her sheer height. She met her eyes without flinching. "What's it to you, human?"

"What's it to you?" she counters.

Jasper bares her canines. "He's my Diamond."

Steven pipes up from her shoulder. "We did a weird training montage in the woods and this is the only way her pride will let her worry." He fixes her a sleepy smile. "I'm okay, Jasper. Don't worry about me."

Somehow, despite lacking a nose, Jasper snorts. "Whatever. Next time, you should bring actual power to your battle. Not some weak little whelp."

"I will snap your neck like a twig."

"Please don't snap Jasper's neck like a twig."

"I'd like to see her try."

"Jasper. Please. No."

Steven falls asleep in a pile of Gems so deep and thick that Connie honestly couldn't fit in if she wanted to. Which she does. But this isn't about her right now, so she pushes through it and sneaks off to the couch.

It takes all her leftover control not to throw herself onto it, making herself sit daintily on the edge. It's Bismuth's couch, she tells herself. Bismuth already lost an anvil, some scaffolding, and the Heaven and Earth Beetles' home. She hates upholstering things. Don't wreck her couch.

God, she thought. She should be studying right now.

And that's so stupid, isn't it? To be thinking about that right now. The hulking figure of her best friend's self-hatred tried to vore her earlier today, and she's worried about missing a little bit of studying? Get your shit together, Maheswaran. The quiet room seemed to be judging her, crawling up her arms and into her ears, whispering.

Right. Adulting! Connie could do that. She pulled her phone out and unlocked it, bringing up her mother's contact. There hadn't exactly been time to explain what was going on earlier. But what could she say now? It all felt too personal for her to talk about. Like White's head. Or the ocean floor. Or that time Pearl accidentally cut her arm during training and cradled her while Steven healed it, sobbing. Some things are supposed to be witnessed and kept in the heart forever.

It didn't exactly help that she hadn't been able to speak to her mom directly since the hospital.

Staying the night at Steven's, Connie typed, as slow as molasses. Everything ok. Godzilla contained. That's such a horrible thing to call Steven. She's so horrible to call Steven that.

She hit send.

Connie turned her phone off.

Around one or two Garnet shuffles out of guest room, sitting on the end of the couch. Connie, currently laying on it and covered in a blue blanket, reluctantly rolled onto her back and propped herself up on her elbows.

"Can't sleep?" she guesses.

Garnet swallows. "Steven's out like a light. He was so tired..."

"I didn't ask about Steven."

"He asked Ruby and Sapphire if he should propose. They said yes."

Connie's fingers tangle in the fabric. She really doesn't wanna talk about that right now. "Well," she says. "That wasn't their best idea."

"I never saw a future where he didn't propose, so I didn't stop him."

"Steven's changed the future before."

Garnet nods. "It was selfish of me. I- I saw him struggling, but nothing I did seemed to help him. I thought, if I couldn't, maybe you could." The fusion reaches a hand out to gently push a lock of hair out of Connie's face. It's so weirdly affectionate it makes her nervous. Garnet had always been more hands-off with her. "It was so easy to forget you're both children. You're both so mature." She paused, shaking her head. "No. I'm making excuses."

"Trauma does that to a person," she says, and immediately regrets it when Garnet's shoulders hunch. "Steven's... been through a lot."

"I won't ask you to forgive me," Garnet replies gruffly. "But I will ask you to understand, Connie. Childhood is such a foreign concept to Gems. We can develop, and change, but the process of puberty and 'growing' is so alien it was easy for us to ignore it."

"That's another excuse," Connie accuses, but it's lacking any heat.

"It is."

"And this is something you should tell Steven. Not me."

"I will," she responds. "But Steven's not the only child we've let down."

Connie felt her muscles bunch up against her will. "I've never regretted helping where I could."

"You shouldn't've had to-"

"None of this should have to be a thing! No one should ever have to fight to be allowed to be themselves. No one should ever have pick up a weapon. No one should ever have to see their son turn into a giant hulking lizard!" Garnet flinched. Connie forced her voice to lower. "But it did. And nothing can change that. And I don't regret anything."

"I know, Connie."

"And I know Steven feels the same way. So... don't worry about me, alright?" Holding herself up was starting to hurt, so she slid back down. "He's the one hurting here."

"I'm sure Steven would say the same of you," Garnet says, and it's Connie's turn to flinch. "That's the problem."

By three Connie gave up trying. She didn't tend to sleep much on weekdays as is, and that was when the most fascinating thing going on was books. A quick peek around didn't reveal Jasper- who, presumably, had left- but it did get her to the hole Jasper left, which she used to quietly slip out.

Little Homeworld is never still. Gems don't require sleep, and many of them seemed to honestly enjoy watching the stars slip in and out of sight. But tonight was surprisingly low-energy, as if they all sensed that this wasn't a time to be rowdy.

She could, in the distance, hear White's voice, which was so loud it made the average ear throb. She's laughing. Of course. They must all be fascinated, seeing the Diamonds in such a 'low class' place. Even with Era 3 being so different from Era 2, it wasn't like change happened overnight. Connie finds her fingers curling into fists. White wasn't her favorite Diamond. None of them were exactly friends of hers, but Connie wasn't apt to forget what she'd done to Steven anytime soon. It was hard to be this close to her.

"You feel it too, huh?"

She jumped, and almost immediately hated herself for not hearing Bismuth coming. How could she possibly be the same person who'd flipped a boy over and broken his arm for brushing her as a little girl? How could she have become so normal that she didn't notice a six foot woman until she was very awkwardly squishing herself out of a hole built for someone a bit thinner in the shoulders? (How could she be so weak?)

Bismuth manages to get herself out and went to stand by Connie's side, looking disheveled. "I know they're better now, and I know they aren't gonna hurt us, but it really grinds my gears to see the Diamonds in my town."

"Steven's a Diamond," Connie reminds her.

"That's different." She waves it off. "He's a Crystal Gem. He's one of us."

"The title doesn't mean much now, does it? It's basically a veteran status."

Bismuth crosses her arms and tuts. "Crystal Gems got a lotta work to do yet, Connie. Homeworld might be our friend, but we're the only ones puttin' in the effort. We're the ones buildin' everything. We're the ones teaching 'em to love themselves." She sighs. "I just hope they'll do the same for us someday."

"Do you miss it?" Connie asked. "The planet, not the dictatorship and slavery."

"Nah. I never got to love being Bismuth on Homeworld. Never even liked to build stuff." She swept her hands outwards, to houses big and small, all different angles and structures, and all very lovingly made. "I can build how I want now. I can love to build now. I could never love somethin' more than the Earth, for giving me that."

Connie nodded along. "I love space," she admits, staring off in the distance. White was laughing again. Judging by the forced nature of it, she guessed Yellow had attempted a joke. "But I dunno if I love what's in it."

Author's Note: Ngl this is less of a structured story and more of me feeling a Vibe and writing what feels appropriate. There's no set number of chapters, but I'm really not expecting it to go over five? Maaayyybbbeee six?

Mostly I just had ideas for Ppl realizing that Connie needs therapy too and Overenthusiastic Jasper being fairly clingy to Steven and realized I could CombineTM them and I'm ready to give it a go!

-Mandaree1