Chapter 6: A nightmare in reality

Severus made his way into the Defence class along with Lily. Their current teacher Professor Marcus, for some reason, was trying, not very successfully, to hide a smile as the students were walking in Severus noticed that the benches had been moved to the corners of the room. Would they be dueling today? Severus just couldn't see what it was that the man found amusing even before class started. As the class managed to quiet down, there was a familiar rattling that could be heard, as Severus followed the noise it was clear that its origin was a battered old trunk at the corner of the room. "Boggart! They were going to be learning about boggarts! Just Great!" he thought remembering the humiliation he felt upon finding out about Longbottom's Boggart and how it was countered.

"Now class, today we will all have an interesting time as we will be studying about a dark creature that feeds on fear. Can anyone hazard a guess to what I'm referring to?" the Professor asked.

Upon seeing the confused faces of the other students, Severus rolled his eyes and raised his hand.

"Boggarts, Sir."

"Yes, that is correct Mr. Snape. Today we will learn about Boggarts and how to defend ourselves should we face one". The Professor explained in detail about the nature of and the problems caused by the boggarts and some history on how some boggarts caused havoc to wizards. Then he went into explaining the counter curse and wand movement.

"Now class, who would like to volunteer to put the theory into practice?" A few hands immediately shot up.

One by one the students stepped forward in the line eagerly. There were a few exceptions like Severus himself and Lupin of course who unlike their peers were the least enthusiastic of having their worst fears displayed publicly.

Severus watched as one by one the students faced the boggart, some with and some without success. It was Black's turn and his boggart was a mirror image of black himself except he was wearing Slytherin robes holding his wand maliciously. Black successfully countered the boggart with a 'riddikulus' sent its way and the wand turned into a bouquet and the boggart was now winking at some girls in the vicinity after a brief confusion. Then Lily stepped up and the boggart turned into Petunia Evans with her nasty scowl for a second before turning into an enraged Minerva McGonagall.

Even Lupin was not spared and his friends were giving him suspicious stares at his boggart turning into a full moon.

The Professor now turned to him and was having none of his excuses, 'asking' him to step ahead. With all the reluctance in the world and no choice on his part he finally stepped forward. The boggart immediately turned into Lily Potter lying on the cold floor of the room in her blood with several large cuts and more blood flowing out of her body.

For a moment, he was shocked but by the time he pulled himself together and reminded himself that he would not let that happen this time around and readied himself to cast a riddikulus, the boggart turned into a mirror image of himself at his current reborn age reminding him that his nightmare still could turn into reality, as he tried to clear his head the boggart now turned into Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy and to his utter confusion, Neville Longbottom all lying dead, again in their blood, obvious victims of his cutting curse but this time facing the wand of none other than the dark lord, the way he appeared at the time of Severus' death.

The dark lord now faced him smiling at him in that disgusting way and pointed his wand to his direction but then moved his hand, it took a second for him to realize that the wand was now pointed not towards him but the present Lily Evans. Before he knew it he was protecting Lily with his own body ready to give up his life. Suddenly he remembered that this wasn't real, it was a bloody boggart! He cast the counter spell and Lord Voldemort was now wearing bright blue robes with half-moons and a beard that looked suspiciously like Dumbledore's also sporting mousy brown hair with a funny bow and a long hat in a shade of pink that rivaled Umbridge's horrible fashion choice. Instead of his wand, the new version of the dark lord was now holding a fat creepy cat.

The atmosphere of the class changed drastically and there was an eerie silence that followed. Professor Marcus immediately shut the boggart back into its old trunk, locking it securely and everyone was staring at Severus not knowing what to make out of what had just happened.

Luckily, the Defence Professor found his bearings and immediately concluded the class and dismissed them. As soon as he exited the classroom, Lily had caught up to him and demanded that he explain just what in the hell happened back there. Lupin had also joined them and the questions on his mind were glaringly obvious on his face.

Severus knew that they wouldn't give up easily, especially Lily so he took a long calming breath and asked them to leave it be for now and that he would explain later today in the Library. Lily did not seem convinced but perhaps he was himself visibly shaken up himself for her to reluctantly agree.

Through the rest of the classes, Severus barely paid attention as his mind was working at an undisputed speed. He could not tell them the truth. They would not believe him anyway. The Lily they saw was a much older version of Lily and the dark lord's version of the boggart was also from another time in another life. His soul and body were not yet damaged and no one would be able to recognize him but Harry Potter was another story altogether. Even if no one recognized Lily's green eyes, he was almost a copy of the current James Potter. This would be a huge problem. What believable explanation could he possibly come up with about this absurd situation? Harry Potter was becoming a headache even in this life and he did not even exist here!

After classes, Lily Evans and Remus Lupin were waiting for Severus Snape in the Library. Severus barely managed to escape all the questions his classmates were trying to pose to him. But he could not avoid Lily. If she misunderstood his absence then he could lose her again and he could not let that happen. This was why he dragged himself wearily to the Library and sat down at their table. He was feeling so tired and did not look forward to this confrontation.

"What was that Sev? What happened in Defence today? Who were all those people? I don't think I've seen any of them even once and I've known you for almost our entire lives. Who was that man who killed them? His face was just creepy! Did you get yourself into some kind of trouble? What's going on? And don't you dare make excuses Sev! You better tell me the truth!" said Lily.

Lupin was brimming with questions of his own but he decided to just wait and listen to what Severus had to say.

"Those people don't exist Lily. It's not real. It's just a boggart" He said.

Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. Boggarts manifest into your fears. What they saw in the class were Severus' fears. Why can't he just be honest and straight-forward for once and just tell her already! Did he get into some kind of big trouble?

"Then how did the boggart manifest into them, Snape? I'm sorry to ask but what we saw there were not ordinary fears. That man was killing those other people and everything seemed too detailed to be a random fear. One person from those manifestations looked just like James. But he wasn't James, but they looked so similar! Boggarts manifest into our deepest fears. It manifested into them because you thought about them. Because you feared that outcome" added Remus.

"They were my fears but fears don't always have to be real, do they?" he answered.

"No, but they were too detailed to be imagined" countered Lupin.

"Perhaps, I don't want to talk about it," said Severus. How could he get himself out of this situation without revealing anything?

"Severus, this is too much! Just what is it that you can't tell me? I thought we were friends! You can tell me. You should tell me because this is too serious to just walk away from" said Lily. It was obvious that she was losing her patience.

"Alright! Fine!" he sighed. "They are people from my nightmares," he said finally.

"Nightmares?" asked Lily skeptically.

"Yeah. The nose-less man was the main villain who liked to kill people and torture them for his gains. He'd go to any extent to get what he wants and he'd even kill people who were loyal to him till the end if they happen to be in his way. He's often in my nightmares. You can say just by looking that he hardly looks human. I think that's how I see him when I think about a villain in my life." He was stretching his luck thin and he knew it but they needed some kind of answer and this was the best he could do no-matter how unlikely it was for anyone to believe.

"Who was that woman then?" asked Lily.

"You," he said.

"Me? What do you mean? She was way older than me!"

"She was….an older version of you…I think that's what you would look like when you graduate Hogwarts and get married" he said. At least there was some truth in it.

"Married? What? So you're saying in your nightmares you see me as an older married woman getting killed by a creepy man? You realize you're not making any sense, don't you? And if it's a nightmare then how is my being older and married supposed to make any difference? Why not as I am now?"

"Well, nightmares are involuntary….it's not like I can choose what my dreams should be like now can I? If I could then it wouldn't be a nightmare would it?" he countered. He was walking on thin ice.

"Why is it bad if I'm married and older? Why is it a bad thing? I don't get your reasoning at all! If you want to lie at least make it believable Sev!" she barked

"Huh!" he sighed again. This was going nowhere and he still had to explain Harry Potter.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" he asked

"No way! You better start talking Sev!" she said

"My…nightmares are like an alternate reality….something that could happen but may not….something like that….I don't know how I can even explain it and honestly, I'd rather not if given a choice!"

"Well, you don't have a choice! You better tell me the truth Sev!" quipped, Lily

"So….an alternate reality….it's quite detailed," said Lupin.

"Yes….it is,….what can I say, my mind likes to think too much sometimes…" this was getting embarrassing.

"So, who is she married to?" asked Lupin

"Why is that of any importance?" Severus bit back

"Your nightmare seems quite detailed….if you saw her older and married, there must be someone she's married to right?" he said

Severus couldn't believe what he was hearing! Out of everything they saw that's what Lupin is curious about? Fine! Whatever, he thought.

"James Potter," he said. He couldn't keep the disgust from seeping in.

They both looked at him, shocked. And then the moment passed, well, it passed for Lupin because he was now laughing. Lily's mouth was hanging open, still in shock.

"What? I'm married to Potter in your dream?" she asked

"Yes," he mumbled thoroughly humiliated.

"So that boy who looked like Evans…." Lupin caught up.

"He was her son."

"Her son with James?" he was trying hard not to laugh even though Severus was now openly glaring at him.

"What in the bloody hell?" was Lily's reaction.

"So what exactly happens in this unbelievably detailed nightmare apart from Evans and James getting married and having a son together? Why was that man trying to kill her and where does James come into the picture?" asked Lupin. Severus thought he was getting unnaturally bold to ask him such questions but he held his tongue because Lily was there next to him.

"He doesn't come into the picture because he's dead!" said Severus

That made the mood change immediately and Lupin was now more somber.

"That man killed him too?" asked Lupin

"Yes. He also killed Lily"

"And then he killed their son too?"

"Yes" answered Severus

"Who are the other two then? The man killed three boys."

"Students of mine," he said in a low voice

"Students? So in your nightmare, you were a teacher?" asked Lily

"Yes" he replied

This time it was Lily who was laughing.

"You? A teacher?" she asked between giggling

"Yes, very funny, I know"

"Why are you so scared of a nightmare then?" asked Lupin

Severus just looked at him quietly.

"You think it's some kind of a vision? Are you a seer?" he asked, suddenly he was very serious

"I'm not a seer Lupin. But, the dream felt very real. Not like the future but like I said an alternate reality that could happen"

"You're not serious about this are you?" asked Lily. This was mental!

"Unfortunately, I am," he said.

" Why would you want me to be married to Potter in your dream though? I thought you hated him!" she said

"Exactly Lily! As I said, it's a NIGHTMARE!" he replied irritably

"Lily and Remus looked at each other and suddenly burst out laughing much to his indignation and humiliation"

"It's not funny. You don't see me making fun of your nightmares, do you?" he barked irritably

His reaction seemed to make Remus believe what Snape was saying rather than the story itself.

"Let's say it's true that this ridiculous story is your nightmare Sev but what about the version of you then?" she asked

" Again, as I said, it's an alternate reality, and since I'm the one who has seen it, it feels like I'm the one whose choices determine how the future changes."

"So that manifestation that tried to kill Evans was somehow your choice in this alternate reality? Is that why you were afraid of that version of yourself?" asked Lupin

It was true though wasn't it? That was his true fear, wasn't it? He was the one who stupidly joined the dark lord in the name of gaining power and respect. He was the one who had called Lily that awful name and hurt her. He was the one reveling in dark arts and the power it made him feel. He was the one who told Voldemort that half-baked prophecy. He was the reason Lily died that night. He broke her trust and lost her friendship and he was a reason for her death. If they had never met and if they had never fought, if he wasn't there that night to re-tell that prophecy to the dark lord, Lily….she would be alive…and happy…albeit with James Potter but still… she'd be happy and she wouldn't have had to sacrifice her life to save Harry Potter…Lupin was right, it was his choices that led to her death….he could remember her cold dead body with glassy eyes staring into nothing. She was so young only a few years out of Hogwarts….she had her whole life ahead of her and things were going well for her…he was the one who stole her happiness…his choices forced her to go into hiding…it was his choices that led to her death….

He was unaware of his surroundings or the heavy tears running down his face…how could he tell all this to the woman he loved?… how could he face her?

"I'm so sorry Lily…I didn't mean to…I was….I'm so sorry.."

"Sev? Sev? What's wrong? Are you alright? What happened?"

Remus suddenly understood…whatever this weird story was that Snape had made up in his head, in his dreams…no…in his nightmares…what he called an alternate reality….Snape believed it…after Snape's breakdown all those days ago, it felt like something changed in him…when he woke up from the infirmary and met Lily Evans that day…these were his exact words…I'm sorry Lily…I'm so sorry…he said it the exact same way… he was apologizing for being the cause behind her death…from the first day of school, it was so obvious to everyone who saw them…Snape fancied Evans….or maybe he was wrong…maybe there was more to it than that…maybe…he was in love with her…her marrying James, the boy whom he considered an enemy, becoming a teacher and bringing himself to teach her son…her son with James…only for failing and to see her child die too….it really sounded like Snape's worst nightmare. It must have truly shaken him up. Maybe that was the reason for his abrupt change. Snape seems to believe that those choices led her to die…how vivid the nightmare must be to shake someone up so much…how vivid it must be to think of it as an alternate reality….how vivid it must be….for a boggart to manifest itself into that nightmare.

"I think I understand now. I'm sorry for prying," Remus said quietly.

"Understand what?" asked Lily frantically

"I think this is a bit too personal, Evans…Perhaps it's better not to pry" he told her.

"What?"

"I'm serious…we should stop now. I believe him" Remus said.

Lily couldn't though. Right now, she couldn't believe either of them. It sounded like a bunch of lies. Sev clearly got himself into some kind of trouble, he was lying through his teeth now…and of all people to believe this nonsense, Lupin? Why was he defending Sev all of a sudden? Just a few minutes ago he didn't believe any of this story either! What changed? But Sev was suddenly crying…he never cries….is there something that only she is missing here?

For now, she decided to let it go.

"I don't know what it is Sev…but…it's okay…I won't ask anymore, for now…" she said tiredly

Severus fought hard to regain his composure. He needed to leave…he couldn't let her see him like this….especially when he couldn't bring himself to tell her….

"I think…it's late…we should go back" he said and got up from the table and headed back to his dorm before anyone could say anything else.