He wasn't always this reckless.

Truly he wasn't.

Normally he was the one to discourage recklessness. Telling everyone to think before they threw themselves into a situation, no matter what it was. Try to think at least three steps ahead before you make a move yourself. It was vital in being a Pro Hero. Make sure that when you went into a situation you weren't 100% sure on, you'd take it step by step in your head and try to find an outcome closest to success.

It's been a year and a half since and he still can't sleep properly. Not that he had in the past, but it was easier with him right next to him. It's been a year and a half and he still has every picture they've taken together hanging on what used to be their home. He can't bring himself to take them down. He knows it's not healthy to keep them up but it helps him remember how he got here today.

He didn't just drive his husband away. Make him cry. Make him doubt himself. Make him take a step back in his confidence. Make him question his sanity when he got suspicious of his own husband. Make him question his body. Make him take a step back in everything they both fought so hard for in his mental health. He didn't just break Izuku.

No.

He destroyed him.

He made Izuku cry his heart out to him. Made him him scream and shout and lose his temper worse than he ever had in his life. He made him scream and cry till he lost his voice. No longer able to produce tears. Unable to move from his crumpled position on the ground in front of him.

Izuku begged and pleaded with him to tell him what he did wrong. But he didn't do anything wrong. He was the perfect partner, both at home and at work.

Was it his body? Absolutely not. He was the most beautiful man in the world to him. He wouldn't change a single thing about his husband's body. Was it his scars? Never. They were just as beautiful as he is. True battle wounds he should always be proud of. But he took that from Izuku. He'd never look at himself again and see what he saw.

Did he spend to much time at work? With Kacchan? He swore up and down that nothing was happening to them. He knew that. He knew his husband would step out of their marriage. He knew his husband was disgusting like he was.

He took the excuse though. Clung to the lie because it was better than what he had in his mind. Better than the truth. He didn't know why he did. He just felt like it.

He had turned the blame onto Izuku and he felt his skin crawl. He still feel like there's insects under his skin whenever he thinks about it. He'd never been so disgusted with himself. But at least this way he could hopefully make it right with his husband this way. If he just had an excuse for cheating then maybe he and Izuku would come out okay.

He should have known better.

He watched as his ray of sunshine dim over night and almost fizzle out. He lived with the lie for a whole six months before he couldn't hold the lie any longer. He just couldn't see his green ball of happiness fake his smiles anymore. Stop going out with his friends he'd had since grade school. Stop talking to his best friend, Katsuki, when he wasn't at work. He went so far as to become a solely nighttime pro hero so he could work with people that he knew his husband trusted he wouldn't sleep with behind his back. He gave up his slow climb through the ranks to his dream of being the number one hero, all for him. He completely cut himself off from the world outside of him, their bosses at the agency, and the delivery people that would bring them dinner.

Izuku didn't even want to go out anymore, for fear that he'd look at someone too long and make him feel insecure.

He'd slammed his hands down on the table one morning in September after they'd gotten home from work.

"What's wrong, Hun?" Izuku had asked him with a light loving hand on his shoulder.

"I lied." He'd clenched his teeth so tightly he found out he chipped two of them the next day.

"Lied? About what? Was it about what you told your informant? I know that alre-" He had to cut him off because he just could not anymore.

"I knew you never cheated on me. I knew you and Katsuki were never involved. I just didn't want you to know the truth. I didn't want you to know why I cheated." The hand on his shoulder had slowly slid off of him and he could hear the green headed man take a few steps back. Those green eyes piercing right through him. They set him on fire. He could feel the confusion, the sadness, the pure rage that rolled through his husband.

"Why? Why then?" He could feel his world shattering. Shards of their life falling to his feet. "ANSWER ME! WHY?!" Izuku was sobbing hard trying to get through his sentence. The crackle of One For All lighting the atmosphere around them. He wouldn't even be mad if Izu used it against him.

"I felt like it." He could barely whisper it out and he was livid with himself. He destroyed his husband and he couldn't even tell him why he did it in a clear voice? Pathetic. He was so pathetic.

The gasp that came from behind him stabbed him in the heart. He'd clenched his teeth harder, squeezed his eyes even tighter. He was prepared for whatever Izuku was going to throw at him. Insults, plates, silverware, a fist, his ring. He was prepared for it all. He'd take whatever Izuku threw at him because he deserved it.

That wasn't his loving husband though. He'd never hit him. Never throw things at him to try to hurt him. He'd never try to tear him down with words. That wasn't Izuku.

He'd jumped when he heard footsteps. His eyes flew open at the sound of the front door being unlocked and opened. He'd let the tears finally fall when he heard it close. Crumpled to the ground when he heard Izuku's car start from the kitchen. Full on sobbed on the kitchen floor when he heard his car pull away.

Izuku had come back that night with Katsuki, gathered all his essentials and left his ring on their dresser.

The paper for their divorce came not too long after that. Maybe three weeks after he confessed.

He left all of their pictures with him. Left every single one of his shirts and hoodies. Even the one he'd given Izuku on their seventh anniversary. The one with his hero logo on it because he'd finally caved to selling merch to make his happy. He'd do anything for big bright smile and hug that always came with it. Seeing not a single sign of his husband in their shared home made his heart clench so hard he'd thought he was having a heart attack. But no that was just his heart finally shattering. He'd had hope that Izuku would come back and talk to him.

Izuku hadn't wanted to hear any of it though. He'd brought Katsuki with him to sign the divorce papers just so that he wouldn't have to hear anything outside of "sign here". He didn't want a single thing from the divorce either. Wanted to leave it all to him. Leave their home to him. Leave the car with him. Left their cats with him because he didn't want to split them up and his new one bedroom apartment didn't allow pets. Everything from their wedding was left with him. The shadowbox Izuku made him filled with all their dreams and wishes and plans was left right next to his ring on their dresser.

He didn't have the nerve to move either. Both still sit right where they were left. A silent hope that Izuku would come back to him.

Or maybe he thinks that if he leaves it right there that he'd wake up one day and find that every bit of it was some kind of sick nightmare.

But no.

Shouta Aizawa didn't use to be this reckless.

But after everything he's done to the one person that ever loved him faults and all?

Can you really blame him for throwing himself into a fight with a giant strength enhanced quirk wielding villain without a plan in sight?

He understands if you do.

It was all his fault anyway.