Author's Note: I thought I would try my hand at a chapter story for Castle, considering my one shots have had such good reception thus far. I decided to go with something AU, taking place at the end of season 3 and the start of season 4, right after Beckett was shot, except she admits she remembers a lot sooner than she does normally in the show. This first chapter follows the events of 3x24 and 4x01 pretty closely, but hopefully catching more of Castle's feelings through everything and giving more of a look at what happens while Beckett's in surgery, but it'll go more AU in the rest of the chapters. Rating is T for now, but I may bump it up to M in a later chapter; a little torn on the idea of it right now, but we'll see where things take us.

Stay With Me

Chapter 1 - The Shooting

At first, he thought the glimmer of light he saw was just the sun reflecting off of something near one of the graves behind the small crowd, a vase, maybe, or just something metal. This was a closed funeral, so no one else would've been able to get near them, not even the groundskeepers.

He saw it again, and something felt wrong. The more he thought about it, the less he remembered seeing anything the sun could've reflected off back there. They walked by that grave with Montgomery's coffin. He would've remembered seeing something.

He heard the gunshot. The next thing he knew, he was shouting her name and trying to get to her, trying to clear the distance between them that seemed so much longer than it actually was.

He heard her gasp. He was too late, he knew he was too late, but he tackled her anyways; he couldn't stop his body from doing so. He could hear the commotion behind him, the screams and shouts, but all his mind could focus on was her raspy breathing.

"Kate, shh…"

He lifted her head up and held it in one of his hands. Anything he could do to be a comfort to her in the madness that ensued behind him. They were trying to find the shooter, trying to get help for Beckett. She was struggling to breathe. Her body was trembling.

"Kate. Stay with me, Kate."

He saw the tears fall from her eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes he'd fallen in love with. He saw the shock, the fear in her face, and he was sure that he saw the pain too. She couldn't mask her emotions now, like she always did in the face of her job, like she was doing moments before while she was giving Montgomery's eulogy. Not even Kate Beckett, the master of masking her emotions, the woman who always remained stoic in the face of everything that came her way, could hide how she felt in this moment.

"Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay?"

He could see the life leaving her eyes. Those beautiful, enchanting hazel eyes. Was today really going to be the last day he'd see them? Was this really how Kate Beckett was going to go down? She was succumbing to the pain, to the bullet she took to the chest, but she was hanging on for as long as she could.

"I love you, Kate."

Maybe now wasn't the best time for a confession of love, but there was still some life in her eyes. It wasn't much, but maybe she heard him. Her eyes were looking into his, after all, but she was struggling to keep them open. Maybe it would give her something to hold onto while they tried to save her life. Maybe it would give her something to live for.

"I love you, Kate."

If nothing else, at least she would know she was loved before she died. She would know his feelings for her.

Everything else was a blur from the moment she closed her eyes. His entire focus was on Beckett, not the commotion behind him. He was aware that Lanie was beside him now, taking one of Beckett's hands in her own and begging for her not to leave them. Lanie confirmed that she was still alive, still fighting, but they both recognized the importance of getting Beckett to the hospital. She was slipping away from them with each passing second.

The paramedics came, and despite their insistence that Beckett would be fine in their hands, Lanie and Castle insisted on riding along and neither of them would take no for an answer. Neither of them could leave Beckett's side. Not now, not like this. Lanie was Beckett's best friend; she was Beckett's confidante, and that was saying a lot considering Beckett rarely opened up to anyone. Castle was her partner, the one who stepped into her life despite her best efforts to push him out, the one who always came back to her side no matter what life threw their way because that was what partners did. They weren't leaving her side. Knowing they were in a race against time, the paramedics were forced to concede and allow the pair to ride along, so long as they allowed them to do their jobs too.

No arguments there.

She flatlined on the way in, and Castle's heart sank. He wanted to let the tears that stung in the back of his eyes flow, but he held it together for her. Seeing Lanie jump into action immediately helped. He had to be strong for her. She needed him. Even if she didn't hear his confession, Kate Beckett was still his partner. He tightened his grip around her hand. He would be strong for her and for Lanie, who despite watching her best friend flatline in front of her, was remaining incredibly strong through it all.

None of that stopped him from silently praying to whatever God there was to not take her away from them.

Lanie was still doing chest compressions when they got to the hospital. One of the doctors tried to get her to break away, but she fought it. Castle was jogging behind them, but he stopped when Lanie finally conceded and let the doctors take over. If they were going to save Beckett, she had to let them do their jobs, both of them did. As much as they wanted to follow her into the operating room and be by her side while she fought for her life, they were forced to watch as they wheeled her back.

"We should go to the waiting room," Castle said, his voice cracking slightly. Lanie nodded, and they turned to walk through the halls of the hospital. It wasn't until they cleared one hallway that they ran into Esposito and Ryan.

"How is she?" he asked.

"They just took her to surgery," Lanie said, going straight to Esposito, who pulled her into a hug. She was giving into the emotions she held back on the way in.

Castle went to Ryan for information, but the shooter got away, leaving only his weapon behind. The boys already had people working on the case, but their place was at the hospital now. They couldn't work not knowing how Beckett was going to fare through all of this.

Martha and Alexis showed up shortly after, embracing Castle. He hugged them, holding them tighter than normal. This could've happened to any of them. It could've been him in that operating room.

If he was faster, it would've been him.

But it was Beckett that took the hit.

After everything she'd been through in her life, she didn't deserve this. None of them did. Beckett wasn't perfect, none of them were, but she was their fearless leader, the one that kept them together in the face of everything. They were more than just detectives and a consultant, partners in finding murderers and bringing justice to the families of New York City. Though they weren't bonded by blood, Castle, Beckett, Esposito, Ryan, and even Lanie were family.

This couldn't tear them apart.

"Where's Katie? Where's my daughter?"

Castle froze, slowly letting go of Alexis and Martha, who turned to face Jim. He was stepping forward to speak up, but he couldn't find the words. He couldn't figure out how to say that she was shot, that he wasn't fast enough to tackle her to the ground and save her life, like he'd done so many times before.

"She's in surgery, Mr. Beckett," Lanie said, stepping up to stand next to Castle and his family, placing a hand on his back. He wasn't sure if she was doing it more for herself or to give him a reassuring presence that he wasn't in this alone. Regardless, he was grateful for it.

Mr. Beckett only nodded. He was only slightly relieved at the news. His daughter was still alive, but the uncertainty was still there. Of everyone, Lanie was the most familiar to Jim Beckett, so she felt it was her responsibility to be the comforting presence for him while his daughter was in surgery, fighting for her life. Castle was there, but he'd only seen him once, when he showed up to his loft uninvited to talk to him about Kate, and even then, Jim only knew about him through his daughter's stories. The red heads were unfamiliar to him too, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that they were Castle's family; if he remembered correctly, they were Martha and Alexis, Castle's mother and daughter. The other two, Esposito and Ryan, he only knew them through Beckett's stories too, but she always spoke highly of both of them. Lanie was the most familiar face to him, but everyone there was his daughter's family, even if none of them were blood related.

He never liked the idea of his little girl becoming a cop, but he supported her regardless. As he looked to each and every person in this room, he was glad that he wasn't facing this alone.

Though Jim and his daughter weren't quite as close as they used to be, before Johanna was ripped away from them in a senseless murder, there were two things that he knew. The first was that each and every person in this room right now were more than just his daughter's colleagues; they were her family. The other was that his daughter was a fighter, and though he was preparing himself for the worst, he knew that if this was her time, she was going to be fighting it until the last possible second. He and Lanie excused themselves from the group; he felt like he needed to talk to someone, and though they were all family, at least in his daughter's eyes, he was most comfortable with Lanie.

"A sniper," Josh said, coming around the corner shortly after Jim and Lanie stepped away. All eyes were on him now. "At a funeral."

"We think the guys that targeted Montgomery went after Beckett," Esposito said.

"I tried to get to her," Castle choked out. "I tried."

But Josh was having none of it. He shoved Castle back into the wall, but before he could get any further, Martha and Esposito were holding Josh back, and Alexis and Ryan had to keep Castle away from him, though not much effort was required on their part. For a moment, he wanted to hit back, but Castle had no desire to fight with him, not when she was in surgery, fighting for her life. She didn't need to wake up and find out that her partner and her boyfriend got into a fist fight; she needed to wake up and see everyone that was in this hallway right now standing by each other, despite their differences, and supporting her in her time of need.

"You did this!" Josh said, his voice laced with anger. "This is your fault!"

Castle's heart sank. He lowered his head. His actions from the last three years that led up to this moment were finally starting to hit him.

"You pushed her to look into her mother's murder! She's in there because of you, and Montgomery's dead because of you!" Josh shouted.

Josh was right. This was all his fault. If he hadn't asked Esposito to get him the files three years ago, her mother's case would've never been reopened. If he'd been faster, she would be the one out here, or so he hoped, given the way she'd glanced back at him during the eulogy, just after she said that if one was lucky, they'd find someone to stand by them. If he was in that operating room right now, fighting for his life, Josh wouldn't have to blame him for any of this. If he'd been the one to take the bullet, maybe, just maybe, Beckett would be fine.

All of them would be fine, except for Martha and Alexis, but they'd have his friends from the Twelfth to lean on until he was better.

He wished Esposito and his mother would just let Josh go. He wished they would let the doctor take out all of his frustration on him. He already felt the emotional pain of possibly losing the woman he'd fallen so madly in love with, so a little physical pain wouldn't make any difference to him. After what he'd put her through, after he'd put her in that operating room to fight for her life, he deserved to be bloodied up and in a hospital bed too. The only difference was he'd probably make it out alive because there were enough people in that room to pull Josh off before he could do something he'd regret whereas none of them knew if she'd actually pull through and come back to them.

But instead of the physical pain he wished he could endure, he had to deal with the emotional pain. He had to deal with hearing the words that he'd already repeated in his head so many times after she lost consciousness. All he could think about was how this was his fault. All he could think about was her making it through this so he'd have the opportunity to apologize to her for putting her through all of this, if she'd let him in long enough to do so.

After all of this, he wouldn't blame her if she shut him out completely.

"Leave him alone!" Alexis shouted, moving to go after Josh. His mother and Ryan held her back, and he was grateful for that. He told himself from the moment Josh shoved him into that wall that he wouldn't fight back, in part because he knew Josh's words were true and in part because he knew she deserved better than her partner and her boyfriend, as much as Castle didn't like him, fighting in the hallway of a hospital. But he watched the scene carefully because he knew that if Josh dared to lay a hand on Alexis, he wouldn't hold back.

"Enough!" Jim shouted, moving to step in between Josh and Alexis. He looked to the teenager first, giving her a stern look, one that made even Alexis' face turn from the anger she felt at Josh coming at her father to one that showed just how shocked she was at her own actions right now. He didn't focus on her though; he understood why Alexis reacted the way she did. She cared about her father, and for a moment, she reminded him of his Katie, and he could see why his daughter cared so much about the teenager. Those were thoughts for later though, as he focused his attention on Josh. "Stop it. I won't have you acting like a three year old while my daughter's fighting for her life. She deserves better than that."

Jim's words did nothing to wipe the anger off Josh's face. He could tell that he wasn't welcome here though, as he took one last glare at Castle before walking off.

Castle had to step away from the group for a moment. Alexis made a motion to follow, but Martha stopped her, shaking her head. The teenager seemed to understand, stepping back.

He sensed her presence before she wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "He's right," Castle said softly, not even looking to his mother. "I'm the reason she's there."

"Richard Castle, stop," Martha replied. "You are not the one who shot her."

She was right, he wasn't the one who pulled the trigger. No matter what happened between him and Beckett, he could never do such a thing. But even if he wasn't the one who pulled it, he was the one who reopened the case. He was the one who got her looking into it again. He was the reason Montgomery was dead. He was the reason Kate was in the operating room, fighting for her life. He was the reason for all of this, the catalyst that led to this moment.

"No, but I'm the one who put her in the crosshairs," he said. Martha was about to say something, but he continued. "I told her how I felt. I told her I loved her."

And maybe his confession came too late. He wanted to tell her he loved her every day for the rest of their lives, but with each passing second, he felt like maybe it was too late. Maybe she wouldn't make it through this. But at the cemetery, when he was holding her in his arms as she struggled to breathe, struggled to keep her eyes open, struggled to fight even then, he had to tell her how he felt. He knew she was still with Josh, but in that moment, he didn't care, he just wanted her to know how he truly felt about her.

The knot in his stomach tightened. He was doing everything he could to be strong, but all he wanted to do was cry.

He wasn't sure how much time passed, but it felt like hours. Sleep was starting to settle in, but he didn't want to fall asleep now. He didn't want to leave not knowing if she'd made it or if she was gone. No one else could leave either. All of them stuck together, none of them daring to leave the waiting area. The atmosphere in the room was somber, none of them showing any of the pain they felt, holding it together for her sake.

"Mr. Beckett," one of the doctors said. Jim stood up, and Castle was right behind him. Everyone was gathering behind them. "Your daughter is out of surgery."

"Is she alright?" he asked.

"Well, during the surgery, she experienced cardiac arrest," the doctor said. Castle's heart sank. She couldn't be gone. She couldn't. "We were able to get it beating again on its own, but she'll need to be watched closely."

Castle let out the breath he held in. All of them were relieved. She was still alive. She was okay. Their fearless leader was still with them.

"When can I see her?" Jim asked.

"Once the nurses get her settled into her room, we'll take you to see her," the doctor said. He looked to the group gathered behind Mr. Beckett. "The rest of you should go home and get some rest."

"I don't know about you, but home's the last place I'm going right now," Esposito said after the doctor stepped away. "Not until we catch the son of a bitch who did this."

"I'm right there with you," Ryan said.

Castle looked back to them for a moment, then back to his family, glancing to Jim for a brief moment. He could see where Beckett got her ability to put on a mask in even the most emotional situations, but he still felt worry rise up inside of him. He didn't say anything, but Martha knew what was on her son's mind.

"Go," Martha said, squeezing her son's arm. "We're fine, go."

She nudged him away, but he stood for a moment, watching as his mother stepped forward to touch Jim's arm. A weak smile formed on his lips. Jim would be okay. He wouldn't be alone through all of this. He'd have Martha and Alexis with him, at least until he could go see his daughter.

They knew Beckett was alive. They knew she'd be okay, but none of them could even consider sleeping now. Someone tried to take one of their own, one of their family, and they were going to put an end to it.

He woke up to the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the precinct. Castle wasn't quite sure when it happened, but he fell asleep at one of the desks, the one across from Ryan's. The sound of his phone buzzing across the desk made him jolt awake. He looked behind him, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she was there, that maybe this was all a dream, that maybe he'd look back and see her with her phone to her ear, grinning at him, but she wasn't. Reality came crashing back down on him. He looked to his still buzzing phone and picked it up, not even bothering to look and see who was calling.

It was her father. She was awake. She wanted to see him.

He wasted no time in getting back home to shower and change into something more fresh. His old clothes smelled worn, and he was in desperate need of something fresh; he couldn't even remember the last time he'd set foot in the loft, but he knew that she didn't need to see him running himself into the ground over this. On his way into the hospital, he stopped to get her some flowers. It was the only thing he could think of getting her. Everything else seemed a little silly, though that was what she knew him for, but he didn't know what she remembered, if anything at all. He didn't want to push his chances, not when she was just starting to recover from everything. Flowers were the safe option.

When he stepped into her room, he saw Josh sitting by her side, her hand in his. Did she know about how Josh came at her while she was in surgery? Did she blame him for this too?

No. No, she couldn't have. She wouldn't have asked to see him if she did.

But then it hit him. She did blame him for this. She knew it was him that put her in those crosshairs. She knew it was his fault that she took a bullet that nearly took her life away from her. It didn't matter if she'd heard his confession or not because she'd never feel the same way.

He pushed those thoughts down to the back of his mind. He couldn't think the worst right now.

She looked away from Josh as soon as she heard the door open, a small smile gracing her lips, a smile that he could've sworn he didn't see on her face until she saw him come in the room. "Hey, Castle," she said. She sounded awful, but even in her current state, with a tired look in her eyes and her hair coming out of the braid it was tied into, she still looked beautiful. No matter how she looked, he would always think she looked beautiful.

Josh took one look at Castle and excused himself before either of them could say anything, and Castle could feel the tension in the room drop as soon as he left. Would Josh have dared to try anything in front of Kate, given her current condition? Doubtful, but given how he came at him while she was in surgery, Castle wouldn't put it past him. He was angry then, and he was angry now.

Even if Josh tried to start another argument though, Castle wouldn't have retaliated. Not in front of her. She didn't deserve that, after everything she'd been through.

And after all of that, she was still there with them. She'd fought for her life and won. Even facing death, her competitive spirit won out. And she wanted him there with her. His mind fluttered to the worst for the reason why she wanted him there, but the butterflies in his stomach gave him hope.

"You're staring at me," she said, her hoarse voice snapping him back to reality, as he walked to stand at the foot of her bed. "I must look really bad."

"No," Castle replied almost instantly. He had to pause for a moment. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked even in her current state, but that was pushing it. She was still with Josh, he could see that from the way he looked at her, and he wasn't going to come between that. Not now. She didn't need any other stress in her life. He pushed his feelings for her down and gave her a small smile. "No, I just never thought I'd see you again."

He paused again, moving to the side of her bed, to the chair where Josh was sitting just a moment ago. "I heard you were opening a flower shop, so I thought I'd add to the collection," he said, hoping to lighten the mood. He placed the flowers on her bedside table as he sat in the chair next to her bed.

"They were all here when I woke up," she said. "I think they're all from the precinct." A small smile graced her tired face. "I don't think I'm going to live this one down, Castle."

"Probably not," he replied. For a moment, he thought it wasn't the best answer, but it got her to smile even more and any doubts in his mind went away. Seeing that smile warmed his heart and made his own lips curl into a smile. Even after everything, she was still the same Kate Beckett he knew and loved.

"I hear that you tried to save me," she said after a moment.

"Yeah, I, uh…" he started, but he trailed off. Her words finally registered in his brain. "Wait, heard? You don't remember?"

"No, I don't remember much of anything," she replied. His heart sank. She didn't remember anything. Perhaps that was a good thing. It was such a traumatic event. Maybe she didn't need to remember it.

He was only half-listening as she told him what she did remember. All he could think about was how she didn't remember anything that happened. It was a good thing, he realized. After everything she'd gone through in her life, she didn't need another traumatic event added to her memories. As she said, some things were better off not being remembered.

But his confession. She didn't remember any of that either. She didn't know that he loved her. That was okay though. If she didn't remember, he could do it all over again with better timing. Now that he thought about it, she wasn't smiling when she was in the room with Josh. She didn't start smiling until he came in the room.

It was his presence that brought a smile to her face. It was his presence that brightened her day. Not Josh's. His.

He still had a chance.

Or maybe he didn't, considering she was already saying she wished she could've gone in to fight with Montgomery. She was already diving back into this, and she hadn't even been awake for a whole day yet.

His chance at being in a relationship with this wonderful, beautiful, maddening woman could wait. He had to stop her from diving into the rabbit hole.

"Kate," Castle said.

"Castle," Beckett said, interrupting him. "I'm really tired now."

He paused for a moment. She needed to rest and recover. They didn't need to argue over whether or not it was safe for her to go back into that hangar with Montgomery.

But still, he felt the whole atmosphere in the room change when she interrupted him. He couldn't place his finger on what it was, but something was different. He tried to look into her eyes, but he couldn't; she was avoiding his gaze now.

"Of course," he said, standing up to leave. "Of course. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Do you mind if we don't?" she asked. For the first time during their whole conversation, her voice sounded stronger. He looked over at her, and he could see her looking at him, just for a moment though because she looked away before continuing. "I just need some time."

Pain. That was what he saw in her eyes. That was why she couldn't look at him.

"Sure," he said, keeping his voice steady. He saw the pain, but he didn't know where it was coming from. Questions flew through his mind, but only one left his mouth. "How much time?"

"I'll call you, okay?" she replied, managing to look up at him. The pain was still there, though she tried to hide it. He could see through the mask she tried to put on.

"Sure," he said before walking out of the hospital room. As he left, he couldn't help but feel guilty for putting her in this position. Maybe she did blame him for all of this. Maybe this was her way of saying goodbye without actually saying it. He wanted to confront Josh, know what lies he fed her after she woke up, but he held that train of thought.

Maybe it wasn't Josh that told her what happened at the cemetery. No, it couldn't have been. He wasn't there.

Her dad. He had to have been the one to tell her what happened that day. He was the one that saw her first, the one who called and told him that she wanted to see him.

Maybe she just needed time to sort through everything. She'd just woke up, and she was recovering. She'd gone through a lot, and she was just learning about what happened. Yeah, he told himself, she just needed time. All of this was a lot to take in. Castle was willing to do anything for Beckett, including jumping in front of a bullet, and if space was what she wanted so that she could gather herself and figure out the mess that was her life right now, then he would give it to her for however long she needed.

When she was ready, he'd welcome her back with open arms.