A/N: I have never worked harder on a fic in my life... yet I have never hated one more. I have been struggling to accept that this is different from what I usually write and the thought of people reading it makes me nervous and nauseous. Let me know your honest thoughts please, I would really appreciate some feedback.

with you, it's different

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Donna finds herself sitting across from Harvey in a small diner two days after they had both quit the DA's office and succumbed to their mutual attraction. There is a part of her that is surprised that he reached out again so quickly. His message had left her curious and slightly nervous for what it is that he wants, because with Harvey, there is always something.

"So, what was so important that you just had to see me?"

"I don't know how to say it so I'm just gonna come out and say it but...," he pauses. His voice drops a little and he sounds serious as he continues. "I don't wanna lose you."

She stares at him wide-eyed, her mind blanking as her heart starts beating faster. There is something akin to hope blooming in her chest; but his next words leave no room for doubt that what he actually means is that he doesn't want to lose a perfectly good secretary.

"Come work for me."

"What?" The question leaves her lips before she knows what she is saying. Her thoughts are all over the place as she continues to stare at him intently.

"Don't go to Skadden. I took a job at my old firm." He tilts his head to the side and she looks down quickly to hide the disappointment on her face.

She is only realising now that the last thing she expected him to ask her was to come work for him. It makes her wonder if he didn't feel the same pull she did the other night, if she didn't read him as well as she thought she did.

"I was hoping you'd be happy." There's a silent question in his words, like he was sure she would be happy and is confused why she doesn't seem to be.

"Harvey, I don't think that's a good idea," she shakes her head slowly, decidedly.

"If this is about your rule…"

"I had it for a reason, you know," she reminds him gently.

"And the reason being?"

"I can't go back to being your secretary after what we did the other night!" The fact that he even asks shows her that he really doesn't get it.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to be the secretary that sleeps with her boss."

It's the last thing she ever wants to be.

She had been that, briefly, before meeting Harvey. Way before she knew it didn't create a healthy and productive work environment, back when she prioritised having fun. When she was young and naive and didn't think it would put her job at risk. Going down that road is not an option again.

She let it happen, gladly spent the night with Harvey, strawberries and a can of whipped cream, but at the same time she knew it meant the end of their working relationship.

"We won't do it again," he quickly reassures her, even though the thought seems absurd; the memory of her body moving against his still fresh in his mind.

"How can you say that after the way you treated me the other night?" Donna demands.

She had seen, felt, his want for her but it hadn't been just that, it hadn't just been about sex and releasing the tension because it had felt comfortable. She'd felt safe with him the whole time and that's what's mostly stuck in her mind now.

They go well together. They could be something.

"We had a lot of fun!"

It is just like him to deflect from deeper emotions and it frustrates Donna.

"No, Harvey, it was more than that and I think on some level you know it." The need to hear him say it, say that he felt something too is overwhelming.

"Ugh, Donna, if I had known this would become such a big deal to you, I never would have come over." The frustration is clear in his voice, yet she still has to ask.

"Why didn't you know it was going to happen?"

"Because I knew you weren't game. Things at the DA's office went south so quickly that I didn't have a chance to think about taking another job, and when I did... I thought about who I wanted to take it with. Look, I don't want to find out what kind of lawyer I'd be without you."

Donna exhales, tears are stinging in her eyes as she fights with herself. There's a chance it could work. They are a good team and she enjoys working for him more than she thought she would. He's not just a player, even though he likes to pretend that he is. She knows he is still in the stages of growing up and so is she.

"Harvey," she says with a slight tremor in her voice, still trying to make sense of the way she is feeling. "What if we tried making this into something real instead?"

She doesn't want to lose Harvey but working for him is ultimately out of the question. Being a legal secretary has been a way to pass the time until she makes it on Broadway anyway.

"What?"

"I'm just asking, Harvey,"

"I'm not boyfriend material and you know it."

She nods. She does know that. His reaction is exactly what she thought it would but hoped it wouldn't be.

Donna swallows, there's no way forward from here but, "We could try."

"Donna, you know what this was and I can't offer you any more than I'm already offering."

"Why can't you just–"

"Take it or leave it. You know that this is a great opportunity." His gaze is burning into her, willing her to change her answer. He doesn't want to work without her but it is obvious that he is losing her.

(The thought that maybe he doesn't want to be without her period doesn't fully register.)

"I'm sorry, Harvey, but I can't work for you again." Her voice is latched with regret, not only for declining his offer but also for sleeping with him and allowing herself to hope.

He is pissed. His hands are balled into fists, the skin around his palm tight.

Realising he can't change her mind, he lashes out.

"Fine, then don't," he replies through gritted teeth, "but don't call me again if you need a job after all. We are done here. I can't offer you anything else."

His words hurt way more than she thought they would.

Donna gets up slowly, she touches his shoulder briefly and remains graceful, "I wish you all the best, Harvey, truly."

Her touch lingers on his shoulder long after she is gone.

Donna had always dreamt of being an actress. Ever since she was a little girl, she had imagined herself pursuing a career in the performing arts. Her parents hadn't been too happy about it seeing as they couldn't support her financially and it wasn't a stable source of income, but she didn't care.

She knew she was witty and smart. She knew she could easily make it to the top of the ladder anywhere, but her intuition and her empathy made her special and different. Wherever she went, she stood out from the common crowd and she used it to her advantage.

She loved performing, she loved the rush of adrenaline it gave her and she loved having everyone's full attention when she was on stage.

Still, she took her father's advice to have a back-up plan to heart and made sure he wouldn't have to worry about her like she had worried about his unstable career for years.

Being a legal secretary had always only been plan B, she was upfront about that. Harvey knew and he didn't mind her going for the occasional audition at odd times because she made more than up for it with her intellect, her irresistible charm and vanilla coffee. She was unlike every other secretary he'd ever had. Her self-confidence and the way she teased him endlessly and matched his cockiness with banter were ultimately the reasons why he had wanted to take her to Pearson Hardman with him.

Donna knows all that. On some level, she even understands his reaction because she knows him.

Declining Harvey's offer had been hard – it had been even more difficult to walk away from what she thinks could have been something; but that is a dream for another lifetime.

Either way, she never ends up going to those interviews at Bratton Gould, Scadden Arps and O'Melveny & Myers. Instead, she decides to give acting another go. Her agent manages to get her auditions for three small off-Broadway plays in Manhattan and she feels like maybe this is what life has had in store for her all along.

When she gets a callback from one of the plays, she feels more alive and excited than she has in years. It takes her mind off Harvey – his body above hers, under hers, behind hers – and her life does a one eighty.

Everything happens so fast and she can't wipe that stupid smile off her face because finally, finally, she has a lead role in a small play. It's called How The World Began and they are going to perform at Laura Pels Theatre in Upper Manhattan.

Rehearsals are tough and demanding. She's thrown into long work hours, remembering the script by heart and rehearsing her scenes over and over again with the cast. For a few weeks, that's all she does. Work and sleep. Work and sleep. Repeat.

It's no wonder that she starts feeling nauseous when she has to get up early, or the way she can't stand the smell of coffee and heavy perfume. She convinces herself it's nerves and excitement, she hasn't performed in a while after all, but something doesn't seem quite right.

It's when an old pair of jeans won't button up one morning that it hits her like a ton of bricks.

Everything adds up within seconds and comes crashing down just as quickly.

She tries to think of how many weeks it's been since her night with Harvey and it makes so much sense, she almost can't believe she missed it.

She buys various pregnancy tests on her way home that day. Her fingers are clammy when she follows the instructions of the tests and waits for the results. She knows they are going to be positive. The symptoms are all there, have been for a few weeks actually, but she had been too distracted to put two and two together. It's entirely unlike her, but then again, she had been trying her hardest to forget about Harvey Specter.

She allows her mind to wonder about how Harvey is doing for the first time in weeks as she sits on the closed lid of her toilet. She hasn't heard from him, obviously, but he also hadn't been in the newspaper with some big case, so really, she's clueless and it irks her.

Her mind wanders to the very real possibility of being pregnant with his child then. The thought of already being that makes her dizzy and for a long moment she hopes she's wrong — she's in her mid-twenties, she's busy rehearsing for a play and she isn't on speaking terms with Harvey. It would be less than ideal to say the least.

Donna turns over one of the pregnancy tests then. She inhales sharply – two pink lines are staring back at her. For a moment time seems to stand still and the only thing she feels is the way her pulse accelerates and her heart rate increases. Her eyes are transfixed on the two lines; it's a plus, they stand for positive, it means she is pregnant.

Even though it's only a confirmation of what she suspected already, nothing could have prepared her for the way she feels.

It's a mix, really. Her emotions circle around shock, fear, hope and finally settle on oh my god Harvey Specter's offspring is camping in my uterus.

It's absurd and she has no idea what her future is going to look like now.

Harvey settles into a new routine quickly. Things aren't that different at Pearson Hardman than they are at the District Attorney's office except for the fact that Donna isn't there.

She'd only worked for him for just under two years but he can't remember a time when she didn't and he feels the loss of it, her, heavily.

At first, he's just annoyed. But annoyance turns into missing her soon enough; which he doesn't want to acknowledge, but it's simmering beneath the surface regardless. He goes through five secretaries within two months because he still hopes Donna will follow. He keeps the position occupied for two weeks maximum until Jessica forbids him from firing his latest assistant, Gretchen.

She's great at what she does, he has to give her that; she's just not Donna.

Harvey is working late at night when he sees a flash of red hair walking around the corner and into the office next to his. Even though he knows it isn't Donna, his heart rate picks up and he pauses for half a second.

The image of Donna snickering against his shoulder as her unruly hair tickles his chest, flashes over his nerves. For a moment all he can think about is the smell of her perfume under his nose and the slightly fruity taste of her lip balm on his lips. He had pinned her against the wall in her bedroom then, hopeless against the magnetic pull that seemed to drive him towards her. He had fucked her senseless until he forgot that this was a one time thing and that he didn't want this to mean anything.

He decides he's done for the night five minutes later when he has to fight a hard-on in his office. No other woman had ever had this effect on him and he can't understand for the life of him why he hasn't been able to get her out of his system yet.

(Jessica's words are ringing in his ears, she must be very special, but he chooses to ignore that.)

Two months turn into three. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe it isn't, but he sees Bertha from the DA's office talking to Gretchen on the 46th floor by chance.

"Gretchen, call Jeremy Murphy and file these," He puts a few papers on her desk.

Bertha looks at him skeptically. "Gretchen is your secretary? What happened to you and Red? She your girlfriend now?"

"What? No," he replies, annoyed that she brings up Donna.

She gives him a strange look. "Well, I bet you're real proud of her for getting the lead role in an off-Broadway production. You gonna see her on stage?"

"Donna is acting again?" He can't hide the surprise in his voice. It's the first piece of information he's heard about Donna since she had declined his offer and walked out of the diner and he realises only now how starved he is for it.

"You don't know she's acting again? Damn, what happened between the two of you?" She looks at him quizzically.

"That's none of your concern. What's she in?"

Gretchen and Bertha share a look. "How The World Began. It's in theatre from September all through October."

He nods nochantly and starts walking into his office but turns around to ask, "Which theatre?"

"Laura Pels Theatre."

The two women smirk. Men. He's so obvious and he just needs a push.

Harvey files that information for later. It's only August.

Donna sets up an appointment with her OB/GYN the next day. She's still processing and for the first time in her life, she doesn't know what to do.

Nothing seems to have changed but she feels different, this is big. Life-altering.

She knows that she should tell Harvey right away but she decides to do it later, when she has the confirmation and when she knows how she's going to move forward.

When she has said confirmation and a picture from the ultrasound, she knows she's going to keep it. But she's terrified. It's real. There's a tiny fetus growing inside of her and in only a few short weeks she won't be able to hide it with loose shirts anymore.

The writer and the director of the play are thrilled. They tell her they can fit it into the play seamlessly and that's a relief at least.

Donna tells her mom about her pregnancy on a Friday after work. When her mom asks who the father is, she's met with silence. It tells her everything there is to know; why Donna didn't follow Harvey to that fancy law firm and why she's refused to say his name ever since.

The longer Donna waits to tell Harvey the harder it seems to actually do it. What would she even say to him? He'd been very clear that he didn't want her to call him, that he was emotionally unavailable and not ready for anything other than one-night stands and a good time.

He has a right to know, sweetie. Her mother's words won't leave her head but calling him — or worse, actually facing Harvey again — would be like picking on the skin of a wound that is still in the process of healing.

She protects her heart selfishly. She thinks, just another day, she plans on telling him, but she's busy with rehearsals and it's easier to ignore than to act on it.

By the time it's the opening night of her play, her belly has rounded and she can feel tiny flutters. Her cast members have asked about her situation but she's told no one — she feels ashamed of her own inability to suck it up and face Harvey again.

The guilt is eating away at her but she's so far along now that she can't explain away why she didn't tell him sooner.

Getting ready in her dressing room, she decides she will tell him after tonight. No matter how bad his reaction might be, he has a right to know.

She's standing behind the curtain, wearing a colourful dress and a cream-coloured cardigan, ready to perform, when the thought that Harvey might be sitting in the audience enters her mind. She dismisses it quickly. Harvey Specter wouldn't be seen dead going to the theatre on his own. And besides that, he hasn't reached out to her either.

Her whole body is buzzing with nerves, the baby kicking, when she steps out onto the brightly illuminated stage.

Harvey is running late. It's 7:25pm when he pays and tips the cab driver before hurrying inside Laura Pels Theatre.

He is in desperate need of a drink for many reasons. The first reason is Louis and his stupid cat. The second one is knowing he is going to see Donna again after four months of radio silence. The third one is that he has decided to talk to her after the play if he has a chance.

He hadn't exactly planned on going, but as the opening of Donna's play had come closer, he had found himself thinking about her more and more often. Work is boring, he finds. Unfulfilling. And he is in desperate need of some kind of boost — Donna had always been good at that. So here he is.

Breathless. Nervous. Feeling foolish, out of place and… excited.

The theatre is crowded and he looks, feels, is overdressed in his Tom Ford suit. He manages to get a ticket at the far end of the stalls and struggles climbing over legs and cups to get to his seat. It's a small theatre which is held mostly in black and this idea to see her on stage seems silly now.

It only seems silly until Donna appears on stage and takes his breath away though.

The stage lights are making her red hair glow like a halo and he finds himself transfixed on her everything.

She is playing a biology teacher, Susan Pierce, who unthinkingly implies that creationism is 'gobbledygook'. It leads to the entire town being up in arms and her job being in jeopardy.

Donna really shines on stage. She acts beautifully and with such rawness, he can't help but think that he should have supported her more instead of only allowing her to step out to the occasional audition. He hadn't bothered to find out why she was so passionate about it, or why it was so important to her to make it in the industry. He thinks he should have. She looks like she belongs on a bigger stage and he feels his chest fill with pride and happiness for her and resentment and anger at his actions in turn.

He shouldn't have lashed out when he didn't get what he wanted. He can admit that now but usually she would have made him see it right away. Without her help, it took him way longer to realise it.

His eyes linger on her rounded midsection though. Her character is pregnant but it's the way Donna holds herself and lays her hand on her belly that makes him panic, just a little. It's just enough to make him think and worry.

She looks like she's about four or five months along and he briefly imagines her being pregnant with his child which makes him break out in sweat so he convinces himself that a) it can't be his because they used condoms, b) she would have told him surely, even if he told her not to call and c) because this is a play and everything is scripted and Donna cannot be pregnant.

Another thought gnaws at him, this thought almost worse. Donna could very well be pregnant with someone else's child.

So he decides that it must be a fake belly and doesn't allow his mind to go other places.

After the play is over, he makes his way through the crowd lost in thought. The play's focus had been on the ways in which people obliviously or intentionally belittle one another and it explored the cost of cohabiting with those who are different than you. He feels shaken, questioning the way he approaches situations and other people's beliefs. The message the cast brought across makes him rethink instances in his life where he hadn't cared about anyone's feelings but his own.

His family comes to mind; Donna too.

He thinks about why he had been running so late — it had been because of Louis and some drama with his cat — Harvey had told him, harshly, that he didn't care if his cat had destroyed his new purple cashmere sweater that was meant to entice the woman of his dreams. He had completely disregarded Louis' feelings, not even letting him finish his sentence, and told him that the situation didn't justify arriving late to their meeting. It had ended with them bickering and not being able to settle on terms both parties would be happy with.

Harvey hadn't thought a play about something like this could be so thought-provoking and fascinating to watch.

Maybe he has so give all the credit to Donna though. He hadn't been able to tear his eyes off her whenever she'd been on stage.

He opts to go for a quick drink at the bar inside the theatre once he reaches the lounge area. His head is throbbing with questions and he desperately needs something to take the edge off. He still isn't sure if Donna's baby bump is real or if she put on a fake one for the purpose of her role but either way, the thought alone makes him sweat.

After getting a slight buzz on, he walks through the entrance of Laura Pels Theatre at last.

Donna is absolutely buzzing after the play. She feels proud and accomplished and she can't even begin to describe the extent of emotions that are coursing through her body.

She's missed performing. She's always loved theatre but this play has given her new purpose.

"Congratulations, Donna! You were amazing!" She hears people gush from all sides and it feels like a relief. She's worked so hard on this play and seeing it all pay off makes her heart burst.

The baby is still doing somersaults in her belly when she changes into her own clothes and leaves the backstage area.

Donna is standing in front of the theatre engaged in conversation. He notices that she's changed into a casual outfit – a dark green top, a pair of leggings and sneakers. It's definitely not the prettiest or the fanciest outfit she's ever worn, but it looks good in a way that makes Harvey's throat burn.

Her protruding belly is stretching the fabric of the shirt a little and it hits Harvey hard – the reality he finds himself in.

Donna is really pregnant.

She is much shorter without her usual heels, but his eyes stay glued on her belly. His hands suddenly feel sweaty and he wishes he'd had another neat shot.

Seeing her talk to strangers, hugging them and making small talk, strikes Harvey with a longing he can't name.

(He just misses her.)

Her hand is resting on her belly, when she looks into his direction and their eyes meet. She doesn't look like his Donna anymore either. Her bangs are gone and her hair is shorter.

They stay an ocean apart, even when she walks closer and tries so hard to look indifferent.

And then it's just the two of them.

"Donna," he greets.

"Harvey."

So many thoughts are whirling through her head and she almost can't breathe as a wave of guilt washes over her.

He is here. He came to see her on stage. He knows she's pregnant.

There's no excuse for not telling him, not really, and her feeble attempt to protect her heart from his reaction seems foolish and stupid now. She's Donna for Christ's sake. She's the woman who approached Harvey at a bar and charmed her way onto his desk.

"It's been a while." Harvey cringes at his own comment.

"It has."

It's ridiculous the effect Harvey still has on her. He looks fine. His appearance hasn't changed much but she hasn't been around people who wear Tom Ford suits in a while and she appreciates the grey three-piece he's wearing. His tie is slightly crooked and her fingers are itching to make it look perfect.

(So much for If anybody's falling for anybody it would be you for me.)

The silence is awkward – she still doesn't know what made him wait for her after the play.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again, least of all here." Donna tries not to sound hurt but she does, a little, and she absolutely hates it. She's not one of those women.

"I heard about your play and thought I'd come down to see it." He becomes painfully aware of the fact that he hadn't thought this through. He doesn't know what he wants from her.

"This isn't your scene, Harvey." She crosses her arms over her bump.

"Isn't it?"

She huffs. "You don't even like theatre."

"...but I like you," he sighs, "I wanted to see you again. I thought maybe we could talk."

Oh.

The air is crisp and Donna rubs her hands over her exposed skin. She makes a decision then. It has to be tonight. He wants to talk and she has to tell him.

"Listen, I've been wanting to talk to you for a while too," she starts, "Do you have some time?"

"Of course."

They end up going to a small bar nearby. It's fairly busy but they manage to get a small table in the far left corner and it gives them enough privacy. They order drinks (a scotch for Harvey and a water for Donna) and conversation flows better than expected.

"So, you're not working at Skadden Arps? This is what you do now?" It's been his number one thought for weeks now and he can't help but ask, equally fascinated and impressed by her choice.

"Yeah. I never actually went to any of the interviews. I gave Broadway another chance, you know how theatre has always been my dream. I got lucky this time around." Donna smiles.

He smiles too. "The play is amazing."

"Harvey Specter admitting that theatre is great, I never thought I'd see the day," she teases.

"I can appreciate a good play when I see it, especially when it has you in the lead role."

Donna takes a sip from her water and Harvey has the strong urge to let her know that he is absolutely baffled by her talent. Her performance had been different from any other role he'd ever seen her in, to be fair it hadn't been more than two or three; but he feels oddly proud of her success.

"Seriously Donna, you were amazing."

It hurts to hear that in a strange way. She forgot how generous Harvey could be with his compliments when he felt like she deserved them. The guilt of not having told him that she is carrying his child overwhelms her then.

"Thank you."

He studies her expression. The smile that had been adorning her lips is gone so quickly, he wonders if he's said something wrong. Donna's hand comes up to rest on her belly and he has to ask, has to know what happened.

Harvey mentions the elephant in the room before she can say anything else.

"I didn't know you were expecting." There's a rough edge to his voice when he adds, "Congratulations, Donna." He can't hold the question back. It's been bugging him all evening, making him panic and anxious for reasons he can't explain himself, "Who's the lucky guy?"

It's now or never. Her breathing is shallow and Donna curses herself for putting this off. It's incredibly unfair to dump it on him now just because he came around to see her play.

"It's yours."

Harvey breaks out into laughter, his eyes saying good one but when Donna remains serious all of his earlier worries catch up to him in a matter of seconds. His laugh gets stuck in his throat and the air around him suddenly becomes tighter.

"What?"

"It's yours, Harvey."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I would never joke about something like this."

He sucks in a sharp breath then. "It's mine?"

"Yes, it can only be yours. Look, Harvey, I'm so sorry that I'm only just telling you now. I should have told you months ago."

His brain goes into denial then. Thinking of all the reasons it cannot be his. His baby. His. Oh God.

"No. No - Donna it can't be. We used protection, remember?"

"Yeah, you know those things only work 97% of the time though."

"What?" He croaks. His brain is going into overdrive and he doesn't even know where to start.

"It doesn't matter now. I only found out two months ago and I didn't know how to–"

"So you've been keeping this from me? For months?" His head explodes then, the rational side making way for his anger and feelings at how messed up this situation is. "Why didn't you tell me? Donna, this wasn't your goddamn decision to make!"

Her eyes are shimmering with tears and she is blinking rapidly by the time he decides to take a breath. People are giving them weird looks and she regrets doing this in a public space.

Harvey takes a large sip of his scotch and continues, "You had no right."

"You said we were done," she reminds him. She would have loved to tell him if he hadn't told her not to call. He had made himself so very clear and she couldn't find the strength to reach out.

"That's still not an excuse. Of course I would want to know if you're– pregnant," he chokes on the word. "God Donna, this is huge."

"I know."

She can see him shutting off then which is fair enough. It's been a long day and an even more eventful evening and she decides to give him some time to process the news.

"Look, I'm going to give you some space now. I know this is not what either of us had planned… but it's what happened and I really want to make the best out of it." Her voice is soft, gently bringing him down from the adrenaline shock that is coursing through his veins, "I have performances from Monday all through Saturday from now on, so when you know how you want to deal with this, call me or wait for me after the play."

Donna gets up and Harvey stares at her belly and her retreating form until she's out of his sight, still unable to fathom the thought that they accidentally made a baby.