A/N: This would be a 30+ Chapter story if I had the endurance to take on a big multi-chapter story at this time. However, I unfortunately just don't have it right now and leaving a fic unfinished is not something I like to do. So, with that being said, this story will focus on the key romantic build-up/moments I had planned between Ben and Rey. I just want to give that disclaimer to explain why sometimes it might seem like there are large "scene-skips" as I call them(time-skips might be more accurate), however I will do my upmost to keep all transitions flowing smooth with a purpose. There are currently 7 chapters planned. Please enjoy!

Chapter 1: Atonement

Death should be peaceful. It was the final eternal gift to the end of a cruel life, to be purged of the emotions that had once held a soul captive in life. The anger, the hatred, the unbearable loneliness that had haunted Ben Solo for a lifetime should have been severed the moment he collapsed in that dark cavern. A cavern of which its only light rested in the pair of eyes that watched him fade into nothing; a light that soon after had burnt out in a flood of tears.

Perhaps it was all deserved. Yes, of course it was deserved. Though his dead heart failed to beat, its agony was one element that refused to fade. And torture him it did. He felt himself falling, being dragged away into a pool of darkness. Every soul he had tortured, every man and woman who had fallen to his blade, every mind that had gone insane by his meddling; they all screeched relentlessly in his ear.

"My daughter starved without me." One voice accused, before a wave of voices pounded against his mind.

"I was going to be married."

"You tortured me!"

"I was trying to surrender."

"You killed me. You killed me. You killed me!" They all began to chant.

Ben sobbed at their shouts, at their pain. He could feel it all: the scorch of fire burning against flesh, the sharp agony of a blade driven into his organs, the indescribable torment of his mind being ripped to shreds.

I'm sorry, he would whisper. A fool's plea to end the torment that he deserved. I never wanted to hurt anyone! A claim true only in death. No, there had been a time in life too. He had fought the voice in his head for so long, a voice that seemed to be the only thing that thought him worthy of attention. He would argue against its cruel motives and bench the seething rage that only continued to build within. He would've continued fighting him, for that he was certain, but then one night changed everything. That dreaded night pushed him over the edge into the monster they all feared him to be.

It was strange how death stripped away the fury. In life, he would have never dreamed of forgiving his uncle. Even after Rey cleansed his heart from the multitude of scars that had prevented the light from reaching it fully. Yet, now, in the agony of his eternal torment, forgiveness was the only pleasant emotion that death would allow.

He forgave his dad. For the years of brash words that the inexperienced father would unknowingly slam into his tender heart. For the lack of presence in his son's early years as he spent countless days, even weeks at times, flying out with Chewie to provide for the new mouth to feed. For the lack of patience that his troubled son needed so dearly.

He forgave his mother. For all her faults in raising him in fear of what he would become. For her unwise advice to simply ignore the frightening voice inside his head. For the way she would flinch when his temper rose and failed to mask the fright she felt even after he calmed a second later. For her failure to realize that her muffled arguments with his father regarding the monstrosity they had birthed, crept through the walls to reach their son's ears.

He forgave them all for giving up on him. And yet, he could not find the strength to forgive himself. Ben brought his hands to cover his ears and prepared for the endless Hell he had forced himself in; whispering a thousand apologies that could never erase the damage he had dealt.

"Walk towards me, Ben." A new voice rose above the others. There was no anger in this one, nor contempt for whatever pain he had caused the woman. Instead, there was sorrow mixed with a sense of urgency. "Hurry!"

I can't see anything, he replied in thought only. And yet, it seemed that the woman could hear him clearly.

"Follow my voice."

He should stay; the torture was what he deserved. To be endlessly lashed by whatever cruel means until his soul bled into nothing. But that voice, that loving voice, how could he deny her?

He had no understanding how he was able to move underneath the weight of so much sin. But then, as quickly as it had come, it all vanished.

"Ben."

He opened his eyes that should be filled with an endless stream of tears, but it seemed death had stripped him of the ability to cry. The light surrounding her was almost too much to bear.

"Mom?" He croaked.

"Come on, Ben." Leia smiled with an outstretched hand. "You can't stay here forever."

"Stay? Where am…?" He finally looked around and through the dark clouds he could finally see clearly. The voices that haunted him silenced, leaving only one remaining set of sobs. He squinted through the fog, as if his eyes still worked as they had when he yet lived, before finally they could see.

A new round of torture ravaged his soul. Rey, the girl born into nothing, the girl with enough bravery to wield a lightsaber against the feared Kylo Ren. The girl with the power to cleanse the darkness from a lost soul and the same girl to face a dark emperor without a second thought. Now, the girl who carried so much light, even with so many forces trying to tear it from her, was reduced to a fit of sobs on the cold ground.

"Rey," the name fell out in a whisper. Her knees were curled against her chest, one hand clenched over her heart while the other twisted into the folds of his empty shirt.

"Ben," his mother called again, but the girl's pain struck him to his knees.

I've never felt so alone. The memory taunted him, knowing that this time he could not offer any sort of comfort.

"We don't have forever, Ben," Leia's voice became more urgent. "Let me help you move on."

I've never felt so alone, the voice vibrated through their unique bond.

"I can't," he shook his head with a dry sob. "I can't leave her."

"You can't stay here," Leia spoke softly but he merely shook his head.

"Mom," he begged through another sob. "I can't."

His mother had already begun to fade, but he could still see her sad smile.

"I love you," her voice faded in a whisper. And then, only a moment later, she was gone. He was alone, trapped in an eternal purgatory, doomed to watch her suffer.

A Dyad. Two that are one. A bond connecting a pair through space and time.

Ben meditated upon these words that he had studied in life. His research had been brief and minimal. After all it had been unseen for generations and the greatest source of knowledge came from his own experience. It had become so simple to bridge their minds. Before his passing he had managed to master the will to summon his dyad at the mere thought of her, yet now in death he could do nothing but suffer her pain.

Days turned to weeks, weeks to months. He told himself over and over that she would heal, that she would move on from his memory. However, the bond that had fascinated him from the very first moment their minds connected, had turned to both of their own source of dread. Every memory, every blow to her heart could be felt just as deeply in his own.

I don't want this! She had told him once. The words hadn't stung then as they did now while he watched her drown in her own tears. Her friends had abandoned her. Though, he knew she would rebel at his choice of words. FN2187, or Finn as Rey called him, became engrossed in his own projects. At first, he would contact her frequently to share his work in guiding former Stormtroopers on their own path to redemption. However, as months passed his communications grew less frequent. Rey understood her friend's busy plate, but it was a sentiment that Ben refused to entertain. The general, Poe, was sent away on his own path not a month after their battle on Exegol. Though Ben was grateful at least for the pilot's final gift to Rey. The BB unit was a small bit of light for the former scavenger, along with an old D unit that he would have deemed far too out of date for any valuable use. However, it was the two droids that stayed faithfully by her side as her cries rang into the night.

It was the perfect Hell for him. To suffer the sight and emptiness that could be felt through their bond. His head fell into his hands as he sat by her side, enduring the cries he had brought. He had done this, Ben reminded himself. It had been him who had sought this connection as a tool to gain her favor; a foolish plight to seek a woman's hand that he never deserved. He had been selfish, always so selfish.

"Be with me," she would beg over and over into the dark night. "Please! Be with me, Ben."

I'm here, he tried so hard to tell her. However, his words never reached her ears, nor would his thoughts touch her mind. I never left.

He wished he could cry, it would feel better to have a release. Instead, their emotions tangled in a pit of sorrow beneath his chest with no sense of relief. Never any relief. How long would this last? How long could he survive this horrible afterlife?

"You are not being punished Ben."

Logically, Ben knew it was foolish to be frightened. He was already dead. Yet the voice shocked him to his feet regardless. The man was tall with sandy hair, though his smile was kind enough.

"You don't have to endure this," the man continued with a frustratingly calm smile. What did he know?

"You think I want this?" Ben groaned. "You know nothing about me."

"I know that you're arrogant," the man smirked before walking closer. Ben's fists clenched tightly, uncertain if it was even possible to defend himself in death. The man, however, simply sat close by. "But then again so was I."

Ben watched the man carefully, but there was nothing hostile about his demeanor. He simply sat in silence, smiling at the terrible sight before them.

"She's pretty," he raised his brow before chuckling. "Feisty too. She reminds me of your grandmother."

Ben flinched at the term, before narrowing his gaze to the man beside him.

"Who are you?" Ben finally asked.

"Why ask a question that you already know the answer to?" He playfully mocked.

"After all this time, after all my begging, you wait until it's too late to speak to me?" Ben struggled to hold the venom in his words.

"Death has its limits," Anakin sighed. "Palpatine put a wall between us, a wall that I could not penetrate. It didn't help that my children thought it best to hide me from you. By the time I gained their blessing, Palpatine had you securely under his wing."

"I never imagined that Darth Vader would take orders from others," he scoffed.

"Darth Vader wouldn't have," Anakin nodded in agreement. "Anakin Skywalker, on the other hand, respects the wishes of his children."

"You speak as if they were two different people," Ben grumbled.

"In some ways. Tell me, would Kylo Ren have given his life to save another?" Anakin asked before sighing, waiting a moment before continuing. "I will never deny the terrible things I have done in allowing Vader to rise. So much pain has been caused by my own hands."

Anakin paused in his speech to glance at his open palms. It took another moment, before his grandfather could find the will to speak again. "I was much like you when I passed. I don't know how long I allowed their pain to overwhelm me. All those souls…"

He drifted once more. This time, when he broke from his thoughts he met Ben's gaze fiercely.

"However, I hurt only myself in my inability to move on." Anakin switched his gaze to the now sleeping woman. "Until you forgive yourself, neither of you can heal."

"You're saying… I'm doing this to her?" Ben flinched.

"This isn't 'Chaos', kid. There are no sith here to torture you into oblivion, my daughter helped you escape that fate. The only one continuing to punish you, is you."

Ben swallowed as if his throat still worked, his heart breaking with every word. "So, the only way I can help her, is to leave her?"

Anakin merely smirked. "I never said that."

Ben met his gaze once more, hopeful.

"Think of your studies," he began to rise to his feet. "You have mastered your bond's abilities to connect through space. However, there another way to bridge your connection."

"How?" He asked, but Anakin already began to fade. Before he disappeared completely, Ben could see the smile on his face.

"Continue your studies. You will find another way." And with that, he vanished.

The sun peaked through the small windows to highlight her beautiful face. There was the rare sight of a smile on her face that filled him with relief that she was gifted a pleasant dream. He breathed slowly, meditating on every aspect of the girl that had drawn him to her in life. It was all he could do to fend them both from the agony fighting to break through.

His heart would be out of control if any blood still coursed through his veins. The night had moved slow as he focused on sealing his wounds, while also musing on his grandfather's advice. With a calm mind at last, it all seemed so simple. What would she think of his discoveries?

"H-Hello, Hello."

Ben glanced down to the little droid, narrowing his eyes at the volume. However, when he noticed that the droid was facing the very spot he sat, his heart leapt into his throat. Behind the tiny green droid, the BB unit rolled in closer to tilt its head in suspicion. They could see him.

"I am D-O." The little one spoke again, but Ben silenced them both with a finger to his lips. However, Rey already began to stir beneath the covers, groaning at the disturbance.

Ben tensed at the movement, but relaxed when she returned to her slumber. His throat felt dry, if that was even truly possible. What would he say to her? Would she be appalled when he told her his plans? Would it even work?

His thoughts were broken when the BB unit rolled into his leg, but his heart sunk when the little chunk of metal moved straight through his form. The droid rolled back in surprise, before a tool emerged from its side. Ben couldn't help but smirk when he noticed the sharp end failing to pierce his flesh.

"You can't threaten a ghost, droid." He joked without humor, but the voice was enough to finally rouse the sleeping girl. Rey sat up in an instant with her mouth fallen in uncertainty. Ben could feel her terror, with their bond sizzling like water on a live wire. An array of emotions, amplified by their bond, raced through her pounding heart that beat for the two of them. It was almost too much to bear.

She was afraid to speak, as was he. He lost count of the seconds that passed as they sat in silence, both too afraid to break this moment.

"Ben?" The words slipped between her lips as a prayer; a wish to make this moment real.

"Rey," he could only whisper.

She dared to allow a smile. Her hand raised with hesitation and his heart lurched in understanding; knowing the action would leave her disappointed. Regardless, his own fingers came up to await her test. The tears in her eyes were unbearable when as expected her hand passed through his own.

"This isn't real?" she choked down a sob. Ben smiled, doing all that he could to ignore the agony they shared.

"As real as it can be," he promised.

She relaxed ever so slightly, but there was something else. Her desires surprised him. Her thoughts were desperate as she envisioned herself wrapped in his embrace and the memory of the kiss he had never deserved. Ben swallowed to combat their burning hearts.

"Rey," he swallowed roughly. "Can you be happy here?"

His heart twisted with anger and it took another moment for him to realize that the emotions did not belong to him.

"If you came here to chastise my choices…" More than one tear slipped unto her cheek as she bit back a swell of emotions.

"No," he quickly stated; waiting for her to recover. She took a deep breath to slow the remaining flood, before blinking enough to clear her sight.

"Ben," she tested her will to speak, but quickly fell silent. Her eyes clouded once more as she met his gaze. I feel empty. His heart broke yet again at the silent admission, while her eyes relayed the depth of pain she felt.

For the first time since its discovery, he despised their special bond. She shouldn't hurt so much for someone like him. She should be reveling in the years ahead and raising glasses of wine in celebration with her friends. Instead here she sat, alone with an endless sense of mourning that might never heal.

"Rey, I want to try something." He swallowed nervously before adding. "But I won't do it without your blessing."

"What?" She asked in surprise.

"If I could change your past, would you want me to?" He asked.

Rey blinked as her mind reeled in confusion.

"I think," he began nervously. "I think I know how to change our future."

Her eyes searched his own and he could feel her confusion and disbelief.

"What do you mean?"

In another world, the question would have infuriated him. It was a simple inquiry. Instead he smiled patiently.

"If I found a way to alter our pasts," he watched her carefully as he asked. "Would you want me to?"

Rey's emotions flared in conflict. First there was excitement, followed swiftly by worry. Flashes of moments forced themselves into his mind and it took a moment to understand that it was her memories that he saw. There was the pilot, the Stormtrooper, and an array of faces that he didn't recognize. However, he was quick understand the fears nagging at the back of her mind. His hand rose once again, slow but certain as he brought it to her cheek. He could feel her heart race through their bond, even though their skin refused to graze one another. He ran his thumb along the edge of her cheek, wishing that he could feel more.

"I have no right to ask you of anything," he shook his head knowingly. "But can you trust me to do this?"

Rey searched his careful stare. He could feel her hesitation; her fears of losing the friends that she held so dear. Even the two droids watching curiously at their feet held a special place in the back of her mind. However, among the beloved memories was an overwhelming pain that refused to be mended. She swallowed as another pair of tears slid along her skin.

"I can almost feel you," she whispered sadly; nudging her cheek through his translucent palm. Her chest rose and fell with a heavy breath as she sighed with conviction. Meeting his gaze once more. "Yes. I trust you."

Ben smiled as his body already began to fade; never allowing his stare to falter. "I'll see you soon, sweetheart."

Chaos = Essentially the Sith version of Hell.

A/N – I always encourage constructive criticism and greatly appreciate notes pointing out spelling/grammar errors. I am slightly dyslexic so it is difficult for me to catch everything.