A BEAUTIFUL MORNING IN GOTHAM CITY! A BEAUTIFUL MORNING TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL AS WEALTHY WOMEN GO TO GET THEIR HAIR DONE AT THE LOCAL BEAUTY SALON AND SPA! AND LOOK WHO ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS IS!

"It was so sweet of Bruce and Dick to treat me to a spa day!" Harriet Cooper exclaimed. "I can't wait to see my new hairdo, miss!"

"Don't worry, dahling," a blonde woman with a thick Hungarian accent said, "Vhen I'm through vith you, you'll be feeling like a new voman!" She lowered a special hair dryer over her head. She pressed a switch, and suddenly the doting Mrs. Cooper was put in a trance.

"Now, tell me, dahling," the baleful beautician cooed, "Vhere does millionaire Bruce Vayne keep his money at home?"

"Behind the portrait…of his parents…in the main living room." Harriet answered groggily.

"Divine, dahling!" the blonde exclaimed. Harriet Cooper snapped out of her trance. The spa owner took off the hairdryer. "How do you like it?"

"It looks fantastic!" Harriet exclaimed, "Wait'll the boys see this!"

"Before you go, you simply must try our new patented perfume!" the spa owner said.

"Oh, thank you!" she said, taking a whiff of a strong cinnamon smell, "What a lovely scent! Thank you for all you've done for me, miss. Oh, heavens! I forgot your name!"

"Just call me Minerva, dahling!" she said.

"Oh, well thank you, Minerva," Harriet said. "Bruce already paid for it, right?"

"Of course, dahling!" Minerva said, "Have a pleasant evening!" She walked out the door.

"I trust that went well, Minerva?" a male, British voice asked from the back room.

"Divine, dahling!" Minerva said.

"Excellent!" the man said. He had gray hair and wore a brown fur coat. "Soon Mrs. Cooper will be off to dreamland and will give us the Wayne fortune!"

"And no one will ever be the wiser, Sandman, dahling!" Minerva said.

"SECRET DREAMS"

Special Guest Villain - Extra Special Guest Villainess

MICHAEL RENNIE - ZSA ZSA GABOR

As the Sandman - as Minerva

THAT NIGHT AT STATELY WAYNE MANOR, AS BRUCE AND DICK ARE OUT ON NIGHTLY PATROL AS BATMAN AND ROBIN, HARRIET COOPER IS FAST ASLEEP…

"Harriet…" a ghost-like voice whispers. Suddenly, the elderly woman rises in a dazed state. She walked down the stairs and into the living room. As Alfred was doing his late-night dusting, he spotted Harriet walk past him.

"Mrs. Cooper!" Alfred exclaimed. He saw her remove the portrait in the living room and open the vault. "Madam, what are you doing? Kindly put down Master Bruce's money."

The entranced Harriet knocked Alfred out by hitting him over the head with the money sack and wandered away into the night. Soon she came to the Sandman's lair.

"Here's…the money…doctor…" Harriet said in a daze.

"Thank you my dear, Mrs. Cooper," Sandman said, "When you awaken in an hour, you will be back in Stately Wayne Manor with no memory of what has transpired. Now, be on your way and pleasant dreams!"

"Thank you…Doctor" she replied, drearily. As she walked off, Minerva came out of hiding.

"Our plan is going swimmingly, Minerva, my dear," Sandman said, "With the combination of your secret-extracting machines and my sleeping formulas, we'll make millions! Now I'll we have to do is wait for the right person to test my new, upgraded formula."

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE BATCAVE…

The Batmobile entered as Batman and Robin promptly got out of it.

"Gosh, Batman, I can't believe how quiet Gotham was tonight," Robin said.

"Two muggings and one attempted car-jacking can hardly be considered 'quiet', old chum," Batman said.

"I know," Robin said, "But where are all our enemies? Riddler? Catwoman? Joker? King Tut? Even Dr. Cassandra or Puzzler?"

"The super-criminal database should let us know where our enemies are," Batman said, "Though we should be grateful Warden Crichton's theories on advanced penology seem to be working for now, and and Dr. Leland seems to be running the Arkham Institute smoothly ever since Hugo Strange and Dr. Quinn turned to crime."

"Yeah, who would've thought one of Arkham's leading doctors was really working with a secret organization bent on global domination?" Robin said.

"Thankfully, with the help of Batgirl and the UNCLE agents, we were able to thwart their foul intentionsi*." Batman said.

"I wonder where Alfred is." Robin said, "He's usually dusting the Atomic Pile about now."

"As trustworthy as our stalwart servant is, old chum, he needs his sleep too, as do you and I," Batman said.

"Gosh, you're right again, Batman." Robin said.

"I'm afraid you won't be getting much sleep after all, sirs," came a voice, as Alfred exited the service elevator.

"Alfred!" Robin exclaimed.

"What is it, Alfred?" Batman asked, "Did Commissioner Gordon call while we were out? Which one of our deadly adversaries are we facing this time?"

"It's far worse than that, Sir," Alfred said. "As I was dusting the upstairs living room earlier, I saw Mrs. Cooper walk in. She seemed to be in some sort of trance. She… unlocked the safe behind the painting of your parents, knocked me unconscious and when I came to, she was gone."

"Holy rascally relatives!" Robin exclaimed, "How could Aunt Harriet do such a thing?"

"Rest easy, old chum," Batman said, "She wasn't herself. Alfred said she was in some sort of trance. Which of our assorted enemies has the ability to hypnotize people?"

"Well, the Siren does, but her powers only effect men." Robin said.

"Right again, Robin," Batman said, "And I know for a fact that Joker is locked away in Arkham, ruling him out with his former alias as a hypnotist."

"Hugo Strange tried to hypnotize us," Robin said.

"True," Batman said, "This could be his way of getting revenge on us, though he never actually was able to deduce my true identity despite the weeks of brainwashing."

"If I may interject, Master Bruce," Alfred said, "After I regained consciousness, I quickly rifled through Mrs. Cooper's belongings, in the hope that I might find some clue as to who or what might've put her in this frightful state. I was able to find a receipt in her handbag. You may recall this morning was her scheduled beautician appointment."

"Yes," Batman said, "the one we treated her too. Good at any participating beauty salons and spas in Gotham!"

"She went with a friend since I didn't take her, so I don't know where it was that she went," Alfred said, "…until now." He handed Batman the receipt.

"Great Scott!" Batman exclaimed.

"What is it, Batman?" Robin asked. Batman showed him the receipt.

ATHENA'S BEAUTY SHOP

"Holy mythology!" Robin said, "What does it mean, Batman?"

"Well, if you remember your Greek and Roman history, old chum, what is the name of the Roman equivalent for Athena, the goddess of wisdom?"

"Holy hairdos! Minerva!" Robin exclaimed.

"Right again, chum." Batman said. "Alfred, where is Mrs. Cooper now?"

"She's returned home, sir," Alfred said, "As like the after-effects of the Siren's hypnosis, she seems to have no memory of what transpired since this morning and seems to be heavily sedated, with no bat-sleep gas having been administered."

"Let her rest," Batman said. "Let's pay a visit on the illustrious Minerva. The tabloids say she's reformed, but one can never be too sure about the criminals in this city, especially when one's relatives come home from their place of business in a trance. To the Batmobile!"

As they raced off and sped out of the cave, Alfred made a phone call. Across town, Barbara Gordon was reading a book in bed when the phone rang.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Alfred here," Alfred said.

"Hello, Alfred!" Barbara said, "What's going on?"

"I'm so sorry to bother you, Miss Gordon, but I happen to know that Batman and Robin are heading over to the new business of the malfeasant Minerva, and I fear they may be acting brashly."

"Why would you think that, Alfred?" Barbara asked.

"Well, miss, a mutual friend of theirs and mine has been caught, shall we say, in the crosshairs of whatever Miss Minerva is planning and I don't want to see them do anything to jeopardize their position as Gotham's protectors by letting their emotions cloud their judgment."

"So what this situation needs is a woman's touch," Barbara said.

"Precisely," Alfred said.

"I've heard about Minerva's new business in the police files and I've been meaning to get a makeover besides," Barbara said, "Thanks for the tip, Alfred. Bye!"

She hung up the phone and went over to her secret revolving wall.

AND SO ONCE AGAIN, BARBARA GORDON MAKES HER TANTILIZING CHANGE INTO THAT DOMINOED DAREDOLL, BATGIRL!

She sped off on the Batgirlcycle.

MEANWHILE, AT THE SPA, THE DYNAMIC DUO ARRIVE AND CLIMB THROUGH THE WINDOW.

"Steady, old chum, there's no telling what we may find here." Batman whispered. They tiptoed around the dark corner, where behind a row of hairdryer chairs, they found a small chemical lab.

"What could Minerva be cooking up with these contemptable chemicals?" Robin asked.

"What indeed, Boy Wonder?" came a male voice. Suddenly, the lights turned on. Standing before them was the sinister somnologist, the Sandman.

"Sandman, you sinister somnologist!" Batman exclaimed, "I should've known you'd be involved in this! Only you could put victims in a hypnotic trance to be reduced to sedated shells later. We know what you've done to Mrs. Harriet Cooper and you will answer for your crimes against humanity!"

"Oh, will I now, Caped Crime-buster?" Sandman asked. "I hardly think so. My lovely new assistant and I will be leaving shortly." Minerva came out of the shadows.

"Minerva, how could you do this?" Batman asked, "You were well on your way to living a reputable life as a productive member of society! How could you throw it all away now?"

"Not throwing away, dahling," Minerva said, "Making better! I had a fabulous time at the vomen's prison, but like Zelda and Blaze observed, vell-behaved vomen don't make history."

"I beg to differ, Minerva!" came a voice, as Batgirl came through the window. "Though I'll have to make note of that quote, it could come in handy for an academic paper someday."

"Batgirl!" Batman exclaimed, "How'd you know we were here?"

"I have my methods, Batman," Batgirl said, "Just as you have yours."

"Glad you could join us, Batgirl!" Sandman said, "You're just in time!"

"For what, Sandman?" Batgirl asked.

"To go sleepy-by!" Sandman said.

"You gonna tranquilize us?" Robin asked.

"Hardly, Wonder Boy," Sandman said, "We'll do it the old-fashioned way! Nap! Snooze! All the rest of you! Put the Terrific Trio to bed!" His henchmen, as well as Minerva's, stood ready to face them.

POW! Batman punched Snooze.

BIFF! Robin socked Nap in the jaw.

WHACK! Batgirl kicked Adonis.

BAM! Batman punched Apollo with an uppercut fist to the jaw.

CRASH! Atlas broke a vase over Robin's head, knocking him out cold.

"Robin!" Batman exclaimed.

"I'll take it from here, boys," Sandman said, as he administered his sleep gas to Batman and Batgirl.

"Excellent, dahling!" Minerva cooed.

"What should we do with them now, boss?" Snooze asked.

"I have the perfect prescription for them!" Sandman said.

Later, the Terrific Trio found themselves trapped in a giant bed.

"I have to say, as far as bat-traps go, this is probably the most comfortable one I've been in!" Batgirl said.

"Well, you won't be comfortable for long, Batgirl! Sandman said. "Within minutes, this bed will contract, squishing and smothering you all like bugs in a rug. And don't worry about your utility belts, we've removed them."

"You'd might as well tell us your plan then," Batman said.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt," Sandman said, "As the three of you will soon be entering eternal sleep anyway. If you remember a couple years ago, you caught the Siren after she tormented you, Batman, with a special throat spray."

"She never gave up the person who gave it her." Batman said.

"I'm impressed with her loyalty." Sandman said.

"It was you?" Batman asked.

"Indeed it was, Caped Crusader," Sandman said, "When Siren and I were both in THRUSH recruited by Professor Hugo Strange, we talked about the formula, and even collaborated with the Scarecrow to make a more nightmarish aspect to its hallucinogenic properties. We haven't had the chance to test it until now. The unwitting Mrs. Cooper was our first guinea pig."

"You monster!" Robin exclaimed.

"You need a good night's rest, young man," Sandman said. "Thankfully, you'll get it and then some! Obviously we tried something different than a throat spray with this batch, though."

"That's vhere I come in, dahlings," Minerva said, "Vhen Sandman originally approached me vith the idea, I leapt at the chance. It vas so easy to incorporate it into my spa's beauty regimen, cleverly disguised as a new beauty product. Vhen Sandman vent to prison, I re-started my new business from the ground up. Varden Crichton vas very lenient on my sentence. I vas in this for ze long haul."

"Well, we best not give away any more details, Minerva," Sandman said, "Also, you remember the Penguin's Lygerian fruitfliesii, don't you? Well, I thought I'd introduce my own species into the mix: Cimex lectularius, commonly known as bed bugs. And these ones have undergone certain…experiments. Sleep well, Bat-guardians!" Sandman and Minerva walked off as the bed began to compress, the mattress growing ever tighter.

WILL THE TERRIFIC TRIO BE PERMANENTLY BEDBOUND?

WILL THE SANDMAN AND MINERVA GET AWAY WITH THEIR TREACHEROUS SCHEME?

CAN BATMAN AVERT DISASTER AND STOP THE DEAD BED BUGS?

FOR THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND OTHER STIMULATING QUESTIONS, TUNE IN TOMORROW—

SAME BAT-TIME!

SAME BAT-WEBSITE!

i As seen in the Batman '66 meets the Man from U.N.C.L.E. comic crossover

ii As seen in the Batman '66 TV episode, "Penguin's Clean Sweep"