One of the saddest occasions in the life of a law enforcement officer is when s/he loses a partner in the line of duty. Sonja Percy was still carrying the pain of Chris LaSalle's murder when she met her husband.

Marcus understood. His brother wore uniform and he had survived being shot while on patrol. He had met Tammy Gregorio and Raymond Isler. He listened with envy sometimes as the three of them talked about their cases in New Orleans and Sonja and Tammy's adventures as teammates and roommates. There was an intimacy between them that he had still not entered into with his wife on a social level.

Their conversations, however, always came back to this Christopher LaSalle. While his wife had assured him that there was nothing between the two of them, he often had his doubts. It was really Gregorio's comments that made him wonder the most. Percy played off the 'pet name' thing but he saw the look on Sonja's face when Tammy said it with a certain infliction in the name which often made Sonja stop dead in her tracks or in her conversation. More than once she quickly exited the situation.

What Marcus couldn't see was that more than once Sonja had to step away from the interaction and go find a safe place to cry. Marcus observed the two of them in tears the first time Tammy came to dinner. He let that one slide because they played it off that they had not seen each other for a while, but his sixth sense told him all was not as it seemed.

He would never know the deep conversations that the two of them had at Tammy's hotel room. In that safe place with her dearest of friends, she could cry her make up off when remembering the joys of knowing Christopher LaSalle and acknowledging the loss that she and Tammy shared of their teammate. Tammy would never tell Sonja the anguished that she felt as she personally realized that Percy was slipping away from the New Orleans team. Pride couldn't see it. While LaSalle realized there was a gap between them and Percy, he didn't realize that his choice not to pursue a romantic relationship with her had established a blind spot that he could not see around.

Tammy believed that if Sonja had been with them, that LaSalle would most likely still be alive. She knew that Percy would have stuck to him like glue and cautioned him during each step of the investigation into Cade's murder. Gregorio knew how impetuous both Chris and Pride could be. She also knew that Chris was much more likely to listen to Sonja's warnings where Pride exerted his authority as the team leader and too many times ignored Percy's advice.

Marcus and Sonja initially had a good marriage. With Sonja away so often their reunions were joyous and way too often too brief. They worked out together, enjoyed going to movies and her love of vocal music. He had volunteered for years at the Boys and Girls Club and she tried to attend outreaches at the center when she was in country.

Sonja returned from an extremely dangerous assignment four years after they were married and asked if they could talk. Marcus thought it was because there had been a casualty on the mission, but Sonja had a different focus.

Look honey, we have put off having a child and I think we should revisit that. I'm not getting any younger and I had discovered shortly after I became a vegan that childbirth required some planning so the mother can consume and maintain a healthy food and vitamins regiment for a viable pregnancy.

Marcus agreed and accompanied Sonja to the OBGYN. The doctor provided them with materials on how to supplement Sonja's health as well as his in order to provide a strong fertility foundation for their child. "We still don't know why African American women have difficulty in carrying a baby to full term as well as surviving a pregnancy themselves" the doctor said. Percy never knew that the tennis player Serena Williams almost died while giving birth to her child. "So, I will ensure that we are monitoring you and like Serena, you need to pay attention to what your body is telling you. Unlike her doctors, Sonja, I will listen to every concern and we will decide what it is best for you in that moment."

Sonja had her IUD removed three months after they were on their new health routine. Marcus occasional griped about not being able to drink alcohol but quickly learned to hold that comment to himself when Sonja retorted about having to carry his baby for nine months.

Eight months later Sonja noticed that she had missed a period while on an assignment. She was only back in country for a week when she started to have severe cramps. She already knew the results when her doctor came back into the room with a forlorn look on her face.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Nelson. It appears that you are having a miscarriage. We will need to do a D & C procedure. You and your husband will need to wait three months before trying to conceive again. I can give you some reading materials about the recovery and what you will need to do after the procedure.

Of course, Sonja was devastated. She was back on her feet running within a few weeks. She knew she had a long-term assignment coming up but could not disclose that to Marcus. For the first time in her marriage she felt a distance between them. She was disappointed by what she felt was lack of concern of what she was going through on Marcus' part. Her mind wandered back to the time she was shot in New Orleans. The NCIS team smothered her while she was recovering. Brody and LaSalle stayed with her in the emergency room until she went into surgery. Pride's face was the first one she recognized when she came completly to. She still remembered Merrie Brody pressing her if she really should be on docks at the port when they were looking for a particular shipment. The guys sent her flowers to her apartment and then tried to pretend that it was no big deal.

Their wait extended into the next year. Marcus complained out loud that in order to make a baby that you had to be with your husband. Percy knew then this was a 'sign', but she chose to ignore it as well.

Finally, the news they had been awaiting came to them. She was just over two months pregnant. She carried the baby in her hips with barely a baby bump. Sonja loved being in the nursery. She was so surprised at how small the baby clothes were.

Marcus went with her for her sonogram at twenty weeks. They both really wanted to know what the sex of the child would be. "See right there the doctor pointed. That's your boy." Marcus was delighted at having a son. They had a list of names for both a boy and a girl. They had chosen the name Elizabeth after his mother if it was a girl and Christopher if it was a boy after Sonja's former partner.

No one could have known that this would actually be the beginning of the end for their marriage. Looking back Sonja had seen several other cracks a year before but ignored them.

The pregnancy progressed well, and baby Chris was born without incident surprisingly on his grandmother Elizabeth's birthday. Sonja was able to take six months off and then worked half days for three additional months.

The weeks of recovery also caused Marcus some issues. Once again Sonja was disturbed. They had discussed all of this with the doctor as she carried the baby. She had chosen to breast feed which meant that for two months he had to use a contraceptive to ensure that there would not be a 'surprise' pregnancy until she could have her IUD reinserted.

Sonja also noticed that Marcus was perturbed by the connection between her and the baby. Early on he had seen her crying while holding and rocking Christopher. She attributed it to her hormones even though she knew in her mind that she was thinking of the baby's namesake at the moment. Marcus' reaction proved to her that she had to do a better job at hiding her feelings. That 'issue' also made the gap between them wider.

Sonja was even more disturbed when she returned from her first overseas mission after the baby was born. They knew they needed a fulltime nanny. Tammy had an old friend from her FBI days who was able to recommend a woman who had cared for her two children when they were infants. Everything seemed fine when she left. The new nanny had been with them for three months. But Sonja knew something wasn't right. Sonja asked her auntie to come during her second assignment away. She was still young enough to do some tourist things in DC. Her observations were not good. The nanny was wonderful she said. Christopher was walking well and talking above his expected age level. Sonja and the nanny had talked about providing him the baby books and educational toys to stimulate his mind and abilities.

What the nanny was not telling Sonja was about the lack of interaction between the baby and his father. Sonja and Marcus went out to dinner the first weekend she was back in the States. Sonja asked Marcus about his job and what was new there. She literally had to pull the information out of him. After dinner Sonja asked about Chris' progress. Marcus hardly knew anything. He apologized for not being able to read to him each night as they had planned. He cited that the nanny was better at it and seemed to know all the stories.

Sonja was baffled. This was not what she wanted nor what she needed. The last straw was when she found a woman's scarf in his car. She had dropped him off to work after they left her car at the dealers. She found the scarf when she secured the infant seat in the back seat of his car.

Sonja did not desire the confrontation. Marcus was stone faced when she handed him the scarf. She knew that the separations would be challenging but they had discussed in detail what her job meant as far as the travel requirements years before. She wished silently that he had expressed his displeasure with her constant absences earlier in the marriage.

Dividing up the community property was more difficult than she could envision. She was thankful that the childcare was taken care of. Merrie suggested that she have a family member move in at least to observe. Auntie was happy to come back and decided to work at the local senior community center for a few hours each week to keep her mind active. Auntie was able to provide a foundation for Christopher for their extended family and their time in their faith community. Christopher loved to sing and play his instrument at Church.

It was a long flight back to D. C. that allowed Sonja to dwell on her life with her son and her support back at home. She pulled out her phone to look at current photos of her son who would be going to middle school next year. There were also photos of her friend Christopher LaSalle. She had forgotten how bright his smile was. She could still hear that twang in her head. She remembered how he would run her through her paces as they worked out together at the Police gym or in the weight room at the condo. She was surprised to realize that tears were trying to erupt from her eyes. Finally, she just gave in and quietly wept as her seat mate gave her 'the eye'.

As if things couldn't be worse, Sonya found a package waiting for her when she returned. It was from Laurel Pride. Laurel let her know that her father had passed recently. She was mailing this box to her as he requested.

Dear Sonja

Enclosed in this box you will find several items for your son Christopher and other things that I found in the squad room after Chris LaSalle passed away.

It was only when I found the enclosed photos and the 'dread letter' with your name on it that I actually realized how much you meant to Christopher. While I had recognized that your departure affected all of the team, I also knew that it had touched him in a different way but I couldn't put my finger on it. For several months he was subdued and then I was shot. We saw Chris rise to the occasion to provide Hannah the assistance that she needed to lead the team evidentially requiring him to push aside his pain.

When I returned, Chris hovered over me, but I quickly realized that I was not the only person he was concerned about. Hannah mentioned how quiet he became when she asked him to transcribe some of your written comments on case files. Gregorio's response to a questioned I asked one day kind of solidified what I suspected. He cared for you more than he let on to me.

Years together made our relationship even more 'tight'. I took his death very hard not only because he was my subordinate but because I thought of him a substitute son that I never had. Tammy finally had the courage to clean out his desk. She found this letter with your name on it with a sticky note "King, this is my dread letter. Please give it to Percy when the time is right"

Pride had also enclosed several photos of Christopher and a framed photo collage for baby Christopher. The collage included wording "Christopher LaSalle. A kind, gentle giant of a man."

Sonja was reluctant to open the envelope. She was thinking of the words that LaSalle had written in his journal. She knew that the 'dread letter' could be even more difficult for her to handle. Most law enforcement officers write letters for beloved family members in case they are killed in line of duty. What, she thought, could his possibly say to her.

Dear Sonja:

If you are reading this, it means that I am gone. I am hoping that you take the time to contact momma and let her know once again how much I love her. I wanted to tell you how much I have appreciated your friendship and caring as a partner and a friend.

This is actually an amended letter. I felt I needed to go back and revise it last month after our talk at the cemetery. We were interrupted and did not really finish our conversation.

It hurt me to realize how angry you were with me. You are one of the best friends that I have ever had. As you told me one day at office, you have helped me grow and expand my mind as well. I should have told you the 'why' of why I couldn't or wouldn't pursue a relationship with you. Tell me Sonja how could I protect you if I allowed myself to realize that I loved you?

I should be embarrassed that I never actually told you how I felt about you but now you know. There may well have come a day that I expressed that to you after I finish this letter. I would like nothing more than to have been able to come home with you each night and to see your smiling face the first thing each morning but that does not appear to be our destiny.

So know, Sonja Percy, that you filled a special place in my heart and that I will remember you forever.

Christopher LaSalle aka Country Mouse.

Several years later Sonja came into the living room to see young Christopher watching a golf match on television. Who is that momma? Oh, an old golfer name Tiger Woods. Do you think that I could do that? I don't know son, but we could go play on a smaller course and see how you like it.

The day at the miniature golf park only seem to peak Chris' interest in golf. He started lessons the next spring. Years later Chris would place second in the Maryland State Boys High School Golf Championship. Sonja placed a copy of a photo from his tournament play and put it side by side in a frame of Christopher LaSalle also playing golf. She was surprised to see it sitting on his desk in his office years later.

The time came for Sonja Percy to retire. She was returning from her last assignment overseas which included training her replacement. She wearily sat in her seat and watched as the remainder of the passengers boarded. She looked over to see a man stowing his brief case and take the seat next to her. "So you're heading to the States too" he asked with a distinctive Alabama twang.

An hour into the flight she could no longer hold her laughter. "What" he asked surprisingly. "I'm sorry. You remind me of a fellow employee and I just couldn't ignore it any longer that I just wanted to laugh out loud".

He smiled. "My name is Franklin Jackson. I teach at Auburn University." For some reason Sonja found him easy to talk to. As the captain announced their final approach, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his business card. "Here is my home e-mail" he said as he made the notation on the reverse side of the card. If you ever come my way, give me a call. Maybe it would be around a time that we are having a musical event on the campus.

Sonja smiled to herself as she walked swiftly to her next gate. What is it about that drawl she thought? I might have to investigate this a little closer.