Summary: Set after "The Trap"… so spoilers, kinda. Sam is feeling lost, sad, guilty and anxious after everything that has happened. He also still waits for Dean to get angry at him. Dean seems to have another idea.

I loved that episode. Episodes like this one, show me again that I will miss Supernatural so much :'(

Btw… I own nothing. Shocker, right?

Booze needed

"Hey Sam", Dean approached his brother. Sam huffed and rubbed a hand over his face. "What are you doing out here? " Sam didn't look up. He didn't want to see his brother's face. In fact, the mere purpose of getting out of the bunker was getting away from his brother. He didn't particularly enjoy standing outside the bunker, his back against the damp wall.

Sam shook his head. He had no intention to answer. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see that Dean had two bottles in his hands, both of which he immediately held in Sam's line of vision. One bottle contained a clear liquid that looked like Vodka. The other one was a bottle of Coke. "Which one?" Dean asked.

The younger Winchester closed his eyes for a second, before he gave his brother a weary look. Not only hadn't Dean ripped him a new one yet, he also had been searching for him and had brought him something to drink. Who was this guy? He had expected Dean to go full-on psycho on his ass, after getting kidnapped and messing up their plan afterwards.

"What's wrong with you?" Sam asked, without even thinking.

"Coke or Vodka, Sam?" The older man's voice was calm. He just ignored Sam's question.

Sam snatched the bottle of alcohol out of his brother's grip and drowned half the bottle without even thinking about it. The burning sensation in his throat hurt a little and he had to take some dry gulps to keep himself from getting sick. He still didn't look into Dean's eyes. "What do you want me to say, Dean?"

"Nothing?" The frown was audible in Dean's voice. "Sam, are you mad at me?"

Sam inwardly groaned at that and pushed himself off the wall. "I'm going to bed." He still had the bottle in his hands. Maybe it would be empty by the end of the night.

"Sammy!" Dean got a hold of Sam's upper arm. "What the hell? What did I do?" A quick look at Dean was enough for Sam to know that his big brother wasn't kidding. That was a serious question. He really contemplated what he had done.

Sam took a deep breath opened the bottle again. "No", Dean took the bottle away. "I think you had enough."

"Look who's talking!" Sam grumbled, but let go of the bottle. Now he was looking straight into the older man's eyes. For a moment Dean looked shocked. Sam wondered if he was spoiling for a fight, while his older brother just tried to keep the peace.

"What the hell, Sam?" Dean shook his head slightly. "I know you're hurting because of Eileen, but-"

"Shut up." For a second Sam had to press his eyes shut. She was gone and Sam wasn't sure if he would see her again. "Just…"

"Sammy!", the tone made Sam look up. Dean wasn't barking at him. He didn't even raise is voice. His voice was gentle with a hint of frustration. "Why are you mad at me?"

"What happened?" Sam's jaw moved, his eyes now on his brother. "In Purgatory? Why are you acting so fucking calm?"

"What are you talking about?" Dean raised an eyebrow. "I'm not calm. In fact, I am the opposite of calm. I am furious."

"Okay then." Sam walked a few steps backwards, still facing his brother, lifting his hands in an inviting manner. "Let me hear it. I am all ears."

"What?" Dean sounded beaten. He moved to settle the bottles on the ground. "Could you calm down? What do you expect me to say?"

Angry eyes met confused ones. "Tell me I am a coward and stupid and that I mess up everything. I fucked the only plan up we had. Tell me that God is still free because I am gullible. Tell me that I can't be trusted." Sam gulped down a wave of emotion. "Tell me I am being a hypocrite for asking you to keep believing in us, when I don't. " The younger man could feel tears in his eyes. Immediately he turned around in an attempt to get away.

"Oh no. You won't." Dean, yet again, got a hold on Sam's arm and pulled him around, so they were facing each other again. "I am not saying any of it, Sam! I meant it when I said that it is good enough for me."

"Why?" Sam whispered; his eyes closed. He could feel the alcohol. Right now, though, it made every feeling more intense. His hands shook and he could feel a tear escaping the corner of his right eye.

The hug came unexpected. Gentle hands tugged at him until his chin was resting on his brother's shoulder. "Is me being understanding so unsettling for you? That's saying something, little brother." It was a gentle quip.

"It's true, though." Sam tried to joke back, returning the hug. He closed his eyes again and brushed his damp cheek quickly against the fabric of his brother's jacket. "You still believe right? You believe that we can win? That wasn't an act when you confronted Chuck." With that being said, Sam realized that he needed Dean to believe. He blamed the booze for asking. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"I know that we'll find a way." Dean patted his back a couple of times. "And I have hope."

"I'm sorry." Sam's voice was pained. He felt like losing hope was a betrayal.

"I'm glad we've got you back." Dean's voice was warm. At the same time, he relaxed his grip on the younger man, allowing him to step back when he wanted to. He didn't let go though. "Just don't give up fighting. Just don't give up on us, okay?"

"Promise." Sam whispered and stepped back, rubbing his face. The vodka made him feel dizzy. He really wondered what had happened in Purgatory. Dean, somehow, seemed calm.

"Vodka?" Dean asked. "Let's go inside?"

Sam nodded at both questions. Drinking even more would be another decision he could regret tomorrow. Today he wanted to try to numb all those feelings. If numbing wouldn't work, at least he could spend some more time with his brother. At that thought a drunken smile appeared on Sam's face. Half an hour ago he wanted to get away from Dean.

"Alright Sasquatch. Kitchen or Bed?" Dean tugged at Sam's arm in order to lead him inside.

"Kitchen." Sam wanted to drink with Dean and not alone in his bed. A minute later Sam was pushed in a sitting position in the kitchen. This time Dean got two glasses and poured liquid in both.

"Wanna talk?" The older Winchester took a sip himself. "About what you've seen? About Eileen?"

Sam shook his head. He had just stopped crying for fuck's sake. "Not now." When Dean just nodded his head, Sam had to ask as well. "Do you wanna talk?" To his surprise the man shrugged his shoulders.

"I can't hold onto misplaced anger, Sammy." The older Winchester let out a breath. "Not with Cas and not with you." For a second Dean had a pained look on his face. "You two are all I have left, and you both have your reasons for making decisions. And if God showed you the truth, your decision was obviously the right one."

"Dean", Sam's voice was gentle. He really wasn't used to this. "Did something happen?"

The older brother drowned the rest of his Vodka. "No." He didn't even try to hide the blatant lie. Immediately Sam's heart dropped.

"Dean", this time Sam sounded frustrated. "Please. Don't block me out." His words started slurring. Fuck off, alcohol!

"Sammy", Dean was obviously exhausted. "Let's talk tomorrow. Let's just sit here for a bit now. Please."

The request sounded like a promise as well. That was enough for Sam. He nodded. If Dean's calm company helped him recover from the recent trauma, maybe he could at least try to return the favor.

End?

So, please tell me what you think 3

I don't know if I want to continue that story…